a i s y a h .

an extroverted introvert

[aisyahshakirah]

BEFORE YOU FLIP TABLES

Yesterday was the perfect example of a bad day for me. It was one of those days where nothing just seems to work, you forget everything, you lose stuff, everything goes out of hand, and just as you thought the day couldn’t possibly get worse, something else comes up. Let’s not go into details, suffice it to say the day was just horrendous.

I did, however try my best to stay positive. Told my friend Jaido who was with me that day everything that happened since morning. After hearing me rant about my miserable Sunday, she suddenly lit up- which definitely was a strange reflex. Uhm, hello, why are you happy over my suffering? Her answer was life-changing. She answered, “because your suffering means better things are coming!!!”

That positivity was so admirable MashaAllah. Her words instantly made me feel better. It was somewhat magical because I could have sworn I felt like trash two seconds before. The amount of faith she has for God is so profound. Another lesson I learnt that day was, sometimes we focus too much on the problem, we become somewhat blind towards the blessings existing concurrently. Allah says in the Quran, with hardship comes ease. WITH and not AFTER. SubhanAllah, Jaido was definitely a blessing. She was simply heaven-sent. I’m so fortunate to have such optimistic friends who knows just the right things to say when I’m at my lowest.

When He removes something in your possession it is only in order to empty your hands for an even greater gift. - Ibn Qayyim

So if you’re having one of those days, remember, BETTER THINGS ARE COMING!

*cues “Jason Mraz - Life is Wonderful” in the background*

Love, light and laughter, Aisyah Shakirah

(Shots taken that very day at Masjid Wilayah by @atiq259 on instagram)

[aisyahshakirah]

THE QUEST FOR LOVE

Relationships has never been something I’m brave enough to write about, especially in public. The love between a man and a woman to me is very personal. Add religion into the equation and it just becomes very sacred to me. I do not wish to write too long, since I have classes tomorrow at 9am and it’s exactly 4.30am right now. However, I just need to let a few things off my chest because it has been bothering me for quite a while now. Also, due to my hectic schedule, this is the only time I have to write- though I swear to god I’m super sleepy right now

Before we jump into the topic, yes I am single. Have I ever been in a relationship? The answer is also yes. I know how it feels like to love and be loved the same way I know how it feels to be completely shattered. You see, different people have different definitions of love. I strongly believe that the people we fall in love with can sometimes reflect the kind of person we are. For instance, I really value religion, knowledge and ambition. Thus, if i were to marry someone, I look for someone with these exact characteristics. I want someone who has the same goals that I have. Someone who will not only fight with me to succeed in this world, but also in the hereafter. I need someone who works just as hard as I do, not someone who is always tired and only cares about sleep. No more time should be wasted with whiny and lazy ambitionless boys. If you’re serious to pursue a relationship, look for a man.

If there’s one thing a relationship has taught me, it is the importance of maturity when it comes to love. NEVER indulge in a relationship just because it’s a ‘nice’ feeling. If you want to be with someone might as well be with a person who will help bring the best out of you, spiritually, mentally and also emotionally. If the relationship you are in is leading you towards the haraam, leave. No buts. It is just the end of a toxic relationship, not the end of the world. 

By the way people, it is perfectly OKAY to be single. I have been single for over a year now, and wallahi I have never been this happy and I have been achieving so much. I always tell my friends that when you are single, you have 27 hours a day. What it essentially mean is that you’ll have more time for yourself. I know some people who can only seek comfort in the presence of their significant other. After one relationship ends they feel the need to jump into another. Chill people, chill. Take a breather. You don’t need another person to feel sufficient. Try to be comfortable and at peace with yourself with or without a relationship. You have the rest of your life to be spent with your significant other, so while you’re single, might as well really embrace/enjoy it.

Okay last point before I hit the sack, never settle. Ya Allah I can’t stress this enough. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. As they say, it’s better to wait long than marry wrong. If we dont know what we deserve, we will always settle for less. But to deserve more, we should first be more. Build your character before you choose to build a family. Study hard, learn new skills, take up a hobby, read more, travel. There’s so much that can be done when you’re single for your personal development. Take care of yourself. Your health, spirituality, intelligence, akhlak (good character) etc & inshaAllah you’ll get someone who’d do the same for you.

Jim Rohn once said, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me”.

I know this entry is all over the place, but I’m half awake so do forgive me. I hope you find this post helpful. As for me, call me philophobic but I am personally afraid to be in a relationship again. But when the time comes, I hope the guy I end up with will be proud with the lady I have become. If you happen to read this, whoever you may be, please know that not a day passes that I don’t make do’a for you, and for us. Wherever you are in this world, I hope you are also striving to be your best self. May Allah make it easy for us to find our way to each other. See you when I see you! Ending this cringey post with one of my favorite quotes from Rumi,

‘Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.’

Lots of love,

Aisyah

[aisyahshakirah]

THE QURAN TEACHES US TO BE OPTIMISTIC

I always find myself questioning the things I do, even if I was the one who opted to do it from the beginning. I frequently ask myself whether I’m doing the right thing. Whether there’s any good in the things I choose to put myself in. The school I go to, the activities I join, the events I attend, the friends I choose to keep. Are my decisions going to benefit my future or are they just a waste of time? I wonder if I’m really doing anything right these days. You see, I have always had this fear in me. This fear I can’t specifically explain. I often am afraid if I make the wrong choices, especially when I have to make big important life decisions. What if my plans don’t work out? Who will I be in 10 years? Will I ever really figure it out?

I hate self-doubt. You know when they say we are our own biggest critics, they’re hella right.

Sometimes, the plans that I have for myself, are not exactly the plans that Allah has for me. I get myself in a relationship, and it ends tragically. I take up a course I thought I’m good at, and later fail miserably. I apply for a scholarship, but then find out I was rejected. I plan to graduate on time, but got sick and am told to defer my studies. All these circumstances, it all leads to self-doubt. Will I ever be good enough for anything?

A few days ago, I was reading Surah Al-Kahf and stumbled upon a verse that struck a chord with me. It was so beautiful I made it my phone’s wallpaper lol. The verse goes:

إِلَّا أَن يَشَاءَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاذْكُر رَّبَّكَ إِذَا نَسِيتَ وَقُلْ عَسَىٰ أَن يَهْدِيَنِ رَبِّي لِأَقْرَبَ مِنْ هَٰذَا رَشَدًا 

“Except “if Allah wills.” And remember your Lord when you forget & say “May my Lord guide me to what is right” (18:24)

Perfect timing. This verse isn’t only a do’a but also a statement of optimism. “Asa” according to the arabic language is a verb used to express hope. Subhanallah, Allah is teaching us that the most fundmental thing we need is His guidance. He is teaching us that in the end, He knows best what is good for us and all we have to do is give our best in the things we do. The rest is Allah’s job. I learnt that if we do what is good, our effort will never go to waste, even if things don’t turn out the way we want it. Our compensation is with Allah. 

The verse screams optimism. It says “when you forget” because whenever something bad/failure befalls us, we tend to lose hope. We are bound to feel lost & confused. Been there a lot of time. So this powerful verse is telling us ‘no, don’t give up, hang in there and ask Allah to guide you’. He created us, He created the stars and the universe, so He definitely knows what is best for us. Whatever happens yesterday, stays there. If we have failed in the past, that failure should not dictate our future. 

“Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affair is good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” (Saheeh Muslim #2999)

So I guess we will never really have all the answers, but it’s perfectly okay, What we do know is that we can always ask Allah to guide us to what’s the best for us.

As long has we put our trust in him, we are in good hands.

[aisyahshakirah]

A MAGICAL DISCOVERY My final exam ended on the 4th of January but unlike the majority of my perfectly normal friends,  I was reluctant to return to my hometown, Kedah right away. As much as I love Kedah and despite only going home during long breaks, I don’t quite miss it. I feel as if I have set foot to every single corner already & there’s nothing left to explore. Also, what does Kedah have that Kuala Lumpur can’t offer? KL is speckled with offbeat skyscrapers and avant-garde shopping malls. There are also a plethora exciting events & activities to attend everyday. Opportunities are everywhere and everything I need is just an Uber call away. (Uber/Grabcar hasn’t even reached Kedah yet). I find myself more productive there. Nonetheless, I refuse to regard myself as ‘kacang lupakan kulit’ because I still have that unfaltering love for the place I was born. It’s not as noisy as Bangsar and I’ve almost never encountered a traffic jam there. My introverted side also love how it has lesser people.

Since my brother Ammar wedding reception was on the 29th and my parents really needed help with wedding preps, I eventually left the gamma world city a week later to give a hand at home. Ammar’s the first child and it’s only natural that he’s the first to get hitched. Thus this was our first experience organizing our own family wedding. As first-timers, it was certainly very new to us. I barely slept at all during the nights for one week straight. I had to sew my dress, make the wedding videos, clean the entire house, make 3000 door gifts, meticulously dissect everything to rule out defects, send out invitation cards, write the emcee script, search & download wedding songs to be played at the wedding, connect with the caterer, set up the wedding hall and so much more. It doesn’t help that the only ones at home were my parents, 83 year old grandmother and my youngest 12 year old brother. Phheeewwwh, hectic indeed.

But with Allah’s help, we pushed through and got everything done within that stipulated time. The wedding yesterday went so well alhamudilliah, although I barely got to eat or take pictures of myself at the wedding. After it ended, my sisters and the newly weds went to Kepala Batas, Kedah for an outdoor shoot. We were navigated by our photographer, Shah to this very remote place. It was so secluded and we had to drive through sets of dense forests it almost felt like we were headed to Maccu Picchu. Except this wasn’t Peru, its freaking Kedah lol. I had no idea where the la la was Shah taking us. Next thing I know was we were at a quarry. But unlike any other quarries I’ve seen, this one was majestic. My eyes were glued to the white rocky mini mountains. Me and my sisters were completely in awe with the place especially as we approached a spellbinding small lake at the feet of the hills. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen this year MashaAllah. Yes, I was exhausted from the wedding but a place like this calls for a photoshoot. You know us, millennials. But subhanallah, now this is something I’ve never seen in KL yet.

While taking pictures there was a man who took a dip, or more like a dive. I wanted to tell him that the water, despite looking spectacularly clear and blue, it is incredibly toxic. The pH value of quarry lakes are very high and jumping into one is just like swimming in bleach or ammonia. So unless you want to be blind, have cancer or die, think twice before canon balling into these lakes. Quarry lakes or ponds are the definition of “look, don’t touch”. However the guy seemed to be having the time of his life in there and I can bet he didn’t notice me at all. So oh well, whatever floats your boat. Long story short, the discovery of this place humbles me. Just as I thought Kedah had nothing to offer, I was corrected by Allah’s fascinating creation. Again. I was basically like Mary Lennox’s being unhappily sent to Yorkshire but taken aback the moment she entered The Secret Garden at the Misselthwaite Manor. It baffles me that in the gazillion times I’ve traveled in and out of Kedah, this was the first time I’ve set foot at such divine place. This just gives me more reason to come back to Kedah more often so I could discover more of these places. Posted the picture onto my twitter and to my surprise, not many people know about this place. Some were also bitter and said it was heavily edited but all I did was increase the brightness a bit and reduce shadows to define the picture. Doesn’t really matter, I know what I experienced. For some reason, it got over 3k retweets. Netizens started bombarded me with inquiries, which made me guilty because all I know was it’s at Kepala Batas, Kedah. I don’t know the specifics, but iPhone’s geotagging suggests that it’s at Kampung Telaga Mas? Wallahualam.

Anyway my short trip there was epic! Guess Kuala Lumpur doesn’t really have it all, huh? Ok guys, you win.

(Hijab & dress designed by yours truly, shoes from Christy Ng, Bag from Santa Barbara Polo and Racquet Club)

[aisyahshakirah]

I wish to share something I discovered in 2016, which I find very profound and liberating; It is that God, unlike human beings, will never compare you to anyone else. He'll only compare you to you. Who you were yesterday, who you are today, and who you will be tomorrow. Your only competition is, well, you.

Allah is not looking for perfection, but simply progress and realistic improvements within ourselves. With this in mind, you don't have to worry about what people think, how great other people are and instead focus on your own personal (spiritual, physical etc) development, at your own pace. You will learn to accept that Allah has created everyone very differently, and that is okay. I used to have this self-limiting belief in what I can do, especially in UM law school where everyone is just freaking smarrrrt. So instead of 'I'm gonna try my best' I say 'there's no use, there's always going to be someone better'. I know, dumb and damaging indeed.

But Alhamdulillah towards the end of 2016, thanks to positive and supporting friends, I realized how important it is to have faith, both in God and myself & managed to incorporate a more positive psychological premise. Take it easy, but take charge. Work very hard. And by Allah's grace and mercy, you will get what you want. He is just waiting to answer your prayers.

2016 was hands down the toughest yet most beautiful year in my life. I had my first ugliest heartbreak, got terribly sick & depressed, restricted to join so many activities & lost the people I love. But I also had my best semester in law school, performed well in class, had the best ramadan in my 22 years, found spectacular friends, bestowed with exciting opportunities and the list goes on. So no regrets. I've gotten over grieving on what is not meant to be mine, done crying buckets over things that are not in my control and now just looking forwards to be a better Muslim, and human being as a whole.

Thank you everyone for 2016, I am absolutely blessed beyond measure. Wishing all of you a kick-ass 2017.

With love & admiration, Aisyah Shakirah Suhaidi

[abeauutifulpatience]

[islamic-quotes]

More islamic quotes HERE

[aisyahshakirah]

THE FINAL POST I don’t remember a lot of ramadans, but in my 22 years of living, this past ramadan was probably the best. There was something extra special about it. Before ramadan I wrote down some goals that I wished to achieve throughout the month and the things I wanted to accomplish by the time ramadan is over. I didn’t want to be too ambitious setting unreasonable goals that I know I’m not going to keep up to. I also didn’t want to share them with you guys, not until ramadan is over. 

Blog daily for 30 days - This was probably the hardest & I really doubted myself in the beginning, but alhamdulillah I managed (alright to be fair i skipped 4/5 days due to travelling etc). Of course to share something, one must first be equipped with knowledge. So I tried to study the Quran and listen to islamic lectures for the whole month, and took notes while I was at it. When I was done, I would share them all here on my blog. Although ramadan is up, i’m just gonna leave all the posts here, hopefully it would continue to benefit us all

Remember a surah - I challenged myself to memorize at least one surah from the quran. After going through the quran, I picked Surah Al-Jumu’ah. Since it has been such a long time since I actually got myself to memorize a full surah, starting over was very tricky. But praise be to Allah, it got easier in time and by His mercy, i eventually managed to have the surah by heart

Give up music and movies - Ok this has nothing to do with some fatwas saying music is haraam or anything. Refraining from it was a personal choice. I gave myself an alternative though, say I really wanted to listen to music- they should remind me of Allah. It felt nice taking a break from my depressingly satisfying playlist for a while. I learnt a thing or two from this as well, inshaAllah will share them here soon.

These resolutions might seem small to some of you, I mean, bet you guys had bigger aims. However this helped me a lot to improve myself. I learnt so so much this ramadan i wish it never ended, at least not that quickly. Also, for those who has been supporting me from the start, thank you so much. I have been getting so much love in my Tumblr inbox, mashaAllah. Hope you guys had a wonderful ramadan. May Allah be pleased with our ibadahs inshaAllah.

Anywhooo, if it’s not too late. Happy Eid Mubarak

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 28: LAST MINUTE SHOPPING

I’m still trying to grasp that it’s already the 28th. Gosh, that was incredibly fast. Ramadan is more athletic than I will ever be. Of course I’d want it to be Ramadan all year long. But to come think of it, if Allah were to make that happen, can we guarantee we’re really going to make full use of it? I mean are we even using this one month to the best of our abilities? Having a certain time limit can be a motivation. It establishes a sense of urgency. By hook or by crook, we must achieve our targets within that stipulated period of time. Knowing we have a deadline, the possibilities of  getting carried away is a lot lesser, don’t you think?

Anyway, today I went for some last minute Eid shopping with my siblings, hence the pictures above. The mall we went to was jam-packed like crazy. Eid songs were playing so loudly at almost every shop we went to. Queues stretched as far as the eyes can see. There were soooo many people mashaAllah. Just, wow. Everyone sure is excited for Eid. 

Honestly, I don’t really know how to feel about it. It’s refreshing to witness the spirit of Eid, but also saddening to see that people are actually getting ready to bid ramadan goodbye.

I don’t know maybe it’s just me. To each his own.

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 27: THE INTERNET & PRODUCTIVITY

The internet is cool, I know. 

I depend on it like oxygen. Be it for knowledge, or entertainment. But since it’s ramadan, I believe too much of it can be dangerous. 

“O Children of Adam! Wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer: Eat and drink: But do not be excessive and waste, for Allah loves not those who waste” [7:31]

In this verse what Allah is highlighting is; enjoy, but refrain from excess. Ramadan is a madrasah which teaches us self-control, and this means every aspect of life- including how we manage ourselves with the internet. Spending too much time online makes us less of a human. Don’t we have a life to be lived outside it? I mean what kind of creature can just sit in the same spot for five hours and do nothing? Even snails are slowly trying to move.

Come on, we’re nearing Eid. Let’s try spend less time on the internet. Don’t let it consume us. If you really must spend hours on it, then make sure it’s for something productive. Perhaps something intellectually/spiritually stimulating.

There is so much to life. Let’s train ourselves to make the best of our time, inshaAllah.

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 26: THE PROMISE OF HEAVEN

Can you imagine at the time of your death being comforted by the angels sent down by Allah merely to bring you good news, telling you to be happy, that you are guaranteed jannah, congratulating you for all your hard work back in dunya. MashaAllah. Can there really be anything better than that?

Let that sink in for a second.

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 25: THE STORY OF MUSA

This beautiful story of Musa AS and his mother is told in Surah Al-Qasas. I cried while making these notes. It taught me not to lose hope in Allah no matter how yucky the situation can be. To have sabr. 

Yesterday I tweeted that sabr is a verb, not a noun. Although patience is clearly a noun, sabr is more than that. It is to persist. To accept, but to also work something out to better the situation while having faith in Allah. Usually people (especially those who like to misuse Islam and prophetic sayings) will tell us to just sit through the bad situation in the spirit of being sabr, then when things get worse, they tell you “it’s your qadr, it is written”. Are you for real?

When Musa was thrown into the river, did Musa’s mother simply leave everything to god? Nope. She had her daughter to trace Musa, to make sure Musa is okay. Although she was sad, she didn’t just mourn and accept what she had to do. She did something. Only then did Allah bring them back together.

Another lesson learnt from this story is, Allah will never disgrace you. All the hardship we go through, whether it’s the death of our loved ones, losses, breakups, failures etc are there for a reason. They all happen by Allah’s wisdom. And if we persevere and have faith in Him, we will get something better in return. Allah will definitely provide you with a reward bigger than those tests, if not now, in the akhirah. He promised.

Yasmin Mogahed once said, sometimes this dunya will sink us down to the depths of the sea, the ocean floor. You can stay there at the bottom, until you drown. Or you can gather pearls and rise back up—stronger from the swim, and richer from the jewels.

So whatever you are going through, I pray that Allah gives you the strength & make it easy for you.

With love, Aisyah.

[aisyahshakirah]

A handmade birthday card I did for my sister, Atiqah last week. #economical #butmyloveforyouisexpensive

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 24: DOES GOD EXIST?

(Picture: A painting of Öeschinen Lake, Switzerland I did this morning)

Whilst scrolling down my instagram after painting this, I came across a picture with a caption that really intrigued me. It went like this;

If nothing is certain, Asma asked, then "how can you prove that God actually exists?"

"You can't, not one hundred percent, offer a proof of God," said Akram. "Just as you cant offer one hundred percent proof that He doesn't exist."

For Akram, the signs were all there. That we were here talking about it at all was proof. So were sunsets and skin cells, gnats and Niagra Falls. "Allah has created enough signs for all the arguments," he said. Believers are meant to be readers of these signs: the Angel Gabriel's first word to Muhammad had been "Read".

"If Allah had wanted to make all people Muslim, he could have," He explained "But instead, he sent guidance. He wants people to think."

“Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason.” [Quran, 2:164]

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 23 (BACKLOG): EID CARDS

These little ones came over the other day so to keep them preoccupied, I took out my art supplies, let them sit in a corner of my room and had them making Eid cards. I told them to be creative and make something for their families. Two of them even made extra cards and gave them to me. After they finished, they tidied up, swept the floor and helped me clean up without even being asked to. MashaAllah, such sweethearts!

From left: Tariq(Iraq), Faten(Syria) and Zeena(Iraq)

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN 22 (BACKLOG): IFTAR PARTY

My family and I hosted our first ever iftar event at home this year. However instead of inviting just Muslims, we called our non-muslims friends over as well. Alhamdulillah it went well. Our guests came from approximately 15 different nationalities (they were mostly my dad’s PhD international students). Almost all of them cooked & brought their traditional dishes so you could imagine how amazing it was to get to try all of them out eep!

In fact I was too busy eating I forgot to take proper pictures of the food. Thank god my sister, Atiqah didn’t go nuts like I did so I got these photos from her

[aisyahshakirah]

RAMADAN DAY 21: LAYLATUL QADR

We made it to the last 10 days, alhamdulillah! Laylatul Qadr can happen any time from now. Here are a few notes I took down from a lecture called “Virtues of Laylat al-Qadr” which was delivered by Sheikh Omar Suleiman. Love love love this talk MashaAllah <3

[aisyahshakirah]

Back to when we spent hours & hours in our natural element