it still hurts underneath my scars

aiyla badem shifter . 43 . refugee .

[mneverland]

[aiylaxbadem]

harleyhua​:

The confusion on Aiyla’s face was clear, and it made Harley realize he had listed too many drink names. So as she told him to pick, he nodded his head and walked away, getting to work on something. He returned a few minutes later with a drink that was both strong and tasted good, with a subtle fruit flavor to it. “Here, try this!” He offered her, waiting to see how she reacted to the drink.

.

Aiyla was already regretting coming out to a bar of all places since clearly she didn’t exactly belong here (she didn’t exactly belong anywhere she felt like). So when the boy, Harley she reminded herself again, walked away, she debated just getting up and going. But before she even could he was coming back, a drink in hand and she bit her lip, hesitantly reaching out for it before she took it and drank a sip. It was definitely strong like she’d asked but..not bad. It was actually pretty good- a pleasantly surprised look crossing her face as she immediately took another sip, the fruitiness of it cutting back on the burn in the back of her throat. “Does...this have a funny name too?”

[aiylaxbadem]

ignas-langston​:

Open starter: @paradisusstart​

The island was finally beginning to get back to normal after the attack. Everything that had been damaged was either already rebuilt or not terribly far from being finished. Of course, the residents of the island were still trying to get through their own traumas, but most had recovered from their injuries and were finally starting to fall back into their routines. This was the first time in months Ignas had seen On the Rocks this packed. Despite the rush, he was thankful for some form of normalcy back in his life. 

“What can I get started for ya?” Ignas asked as he leaned against the counter as the other sat down at the bar.

While Aiyla didn’t feel all that comfortable just yet being out and about all day by herself, she tended to at least feel a bit safer (ironically) in the bars on the island. At least with alcohol in her system she had something else to focus on aside from her worries. So that’s where she was that night-- a bar. She allowed herself a few moments of scanning the area, sizing everyone around up before she zeroed in on an empty bar stool and she went over to it, sliding up onto the stool.

The bartender was there almost immediately too. Witch, her mind supplied, able to sense it off him. “Um...anything? Strong.”

[aiylaxbadem]

harleyhua​:​

✿ ☀ ✿ ☀ ✿

After the carnival, Harley noticed Moonstruck Pub very suddenly became a less popular place to hang out. People were tired from volunteering to repair the island, and scared of more attacks. Some people appeared to come out more frequently after the island’s collective trauma, using drinking to escape reality. But they were a minority and certainly didn’t cancel out the people that were too nervous or exhausted to stop in the bar. It was so nice to see it finally busy again, like it was a sign the island was healing well. 

A brunette sat at the bar and Harley spent a few seconds trying to place why she looked familiar before it clicked. Last time he saw her here, she seemed scared and annoyed by him. Hopefully they’d get along better this time. "Hi there, what can I get for you?” He asked as he approached her, then watched as she asked for recommendations. A crowded bar meant too much sound to actually hear her voice, but usually conversations at work followed enough of a script for him to get by with lipreading. “Best and strongest?” He repeated for confirmation. “I could make you a bone-dry martini or a zombie. But if you want something strong that doesn’t taste like lighter fluid, I could make you a margarita.”

.

Aiyla hesitated a second before she somewhat relaxed at the sight of a somewhat-familiar face. At least it’d be easier to get through this now that she knew it wasn’t an outright stranger. “I....” she bit her lip then as she hesitated, looking down. She’d never even really drank before coming to the island since she’d never been allowed (except for the times she’d be rented by someone who wanted to take her out. But even then she didn’t really remember the details of what drinks she was being given). But then the man started spewing out drink names that made her look up- only for her to blink in confusion.

“A...--zombie?” She asked, frowning before she let out a sigh and shook her head, “I..I don’t..know what any of those are.” She admitted, resisting the urge to wring her hands in her lap as she instead brought them up onto the bar top. “You pick? 

[iconsturkish]

[aiylaxbadem]

callme--quinn​:​

Quinn finally felt as though he was able to have some time to himself. While he was entirely devoted to his work and his relationship to the Avery family, he also knew to never take his free time for granted. He wasn’t the most social of creatures unless he had to be, which was why he did most of his drinking at home, however with an empty liquor cabinet and a need to speak to really anyone he found himself sitting at the bar with a beer in his hand. When a slightly familiar face appeared next to him, Quinn glanced at her and offered a smile. 

“ I’m probably one of the worst people to ask, since I’m pretty standard. I mostly go with beer or straight up liquor like whisky. I can still try to recommend something though. Do you have a taste preference?” 

.

Aiyla could immediately tell the man was another shifter- the smell of woods on him, the scent of grass and soil and earth soothing her a bit more--even if the scent was curiously tinged with vampire. A moment later she realized she actually someone recognized the man... The forest. He’d happened across her in the forest. Ironically, she felt a lot more comfortable out in the wild than in a place like this, but she wasn’t sure if he shared the same sentiment- wasn’t sure if that was a shifter thing or a trauma thing, so she wasn’t about to mention it and instead she looked forward again, eyeing all the bottles.

“Not really.” She responded, her gaze bouncing around still. “I...never really drank until coming here but I guess I just...want to feel something. Other than..” scared  “Anxious. So..whatever can..help. With that.”

[aiylaxbadem]

Aiyla hadn’t exactly been doing well since the attacks. It’d all triggered her immensely and sent any progress she’d done spiraling backwards. So she’d mainly been keeping to herself, only going out into the city when necessary for the last few weeks and when she wasn’t hiding out at home, she was in the woods, running and fight training, vowing to herself she’d never get caught off guard like that again. But eventually she started caving, actually finding herself missing being what was deemed normal, so with that she finally went out one night (night was better, less people) and found herself at a bar she’d been to a couple times, looking around a bit nervously before she went to one of the few stools left open and sat down. Her trouble was...she still wasn’t too great with reading and she was having trouble figuring out what all the drink specials and things were written on a board overhead.

“What’s...the best drink you’d get?” She asked the person beside her. “O-Or the strongest?”

@paradisusstart​

[tessgifs]

[aiylaxbadem]

roy-ellis​:

open starter On the Rocks Sometime after 9pm @paradisusstart​

»»————-　　————-««

Roy hated to admit that this bar was his favorite to frequent. There was something about watching everyone (and everything) mingle with one another. Once and a while, he would be a bystander through whatever unnecessary mess one supernatural had with another. Sometimes they acted as if their old age had yet to truly catch up with modernity, and Roy would continue to smoke his cigarettes and eye them with a sharp interest that a child with an insect might have.

He didn’t really care for these creatures. Not that he thought other humans might. What genuine interest would he have in fairytale creatures, especially ones that could end his life at any given moment? He wouldn’t even see it coming.

He lifted another cigarette to his lips and lit it, face veiled briefly in rolling tendrils as he exhaled his first breath. After another inhale, he glanced down briefly to tip the ash into the tray, and across from him, the pleather booth seat squeaked as someone slid into it. “Yes, you may sit with me,” Roy drawled. He looked up toward his new company. “Did you want something?”

.

Aiyla hadn’t exactly been doing well since the attacks. It’d all triggered her immensely and sent any progress shed done spiraling backwards. So she’d mainly been keeping to herself, only going out into the city when necessary for the last few weeks and when she wasn’t hiding out at home, she was in the woods, running and fight training, vowing to herself she’d never get caught off guard like that again. But eventually she started caving, actually finding herself missing being normal, so with that she finally went out one night (night was better, less people) and found herself at a bar she’d been to a couple times.

Spotting an open seat, Aiyla beelined to it, immediately noting the scent of human beside her but thinking nothing of it until she heard the man speak and she tensed up, trying to just not lash out. Keep controlled. “Not from you. Just....want a drink. This is the only open chair.”

[luthienne]

“I was something else, not a girl, not a wolf, something blank-eyed, tired,”

— Catherynne M. Valente, The Bread We Eat in Dreams

[aiylaxbadem]

closed

Following the attack Aiyla felt like she’d backtracked. Months of progress she’d made had gone down the drain. She felt skittish again, tense, always ready to lash out, ready for a fight. Oliver tried to help her through it that night, and it was because of him that she’d made it home safe but...with the morning light seeping through the windows and the smell of smoke still faint in the air, Aiyla tunnel-visioned as she got up and left the safety of his place to go home and to the second person she felt safest with: Rana. Because now that she was in her right mind again, she needed to know that the closest thing she had to a mother way okay. 

She made her way home in record time, trying not to look over her shoulder every few seconds as she finally made her way inside. “Rana? A-Are you home?”

@rana-bolat​

[aiylaxbadem]

oliver-stanton​:

The head of curls popped up from the ground and his eyes fixed on her, watching closely. Oliver knew she was ready to anything just by the rigidity in her body. A side of her that he had watched her work so hard to calm down was on top again. He approached slow, eyes searching for anything that he could find to talk her down. A gentle, slow hand cupped her cheek, brushing dirt from her cheekbone. “You’re okay. I promise you’re okay.” He tried, watching her close. “You’re not there, you’re not going back there. I promised you that from day one.” He took a step back, a hand out to her. “Let’s get you out of here, yea?” 

.

Aiyla couldn’t focus. The screaming and the chaos around her was the carnival but it was the pits too, memories and reality blurring and pulsing in her head, leaving her confused and overwhelmed and completely disoriented as she sat on the ground for a moment, breathing shakily. Someone was suddenly in her space again though, touching her, and Aiyla moved before she even knew it, claws extending from her hand and a scream bubbling out of her as she slashed at his hand and towards his face, shoving him away hard even with tear in her eyes, her now-bloodied hand raking through her hair.

[aiylaxbadem]

oliver-stanton​:

@aiylaxbadem

His ears were still ringing- his head hurt. But he knew he’d heal- the blood dripping down his forehead, the pain in his leg, Oliver knew it would fade with time. But what didn’t go away was his worry, the echo in his mind that he promised Aiyla she was safe here. The wolf knew he had to find her, both selfishly and not. For his own sake, he wanted to know she was safe, that whatever was happening, she’d be okay. One, because he did promise it to her long ago, and two because he simply cared about her. The island was meant to be safe, and she was making it so far with her own progress. 

“Aiyla?” He was yelling, disoriented but trying to focus on the chaos around him.  A head of curls and he’d be fine, he’d know she’d be okay. His anxiety only grew as he thought about it. As far as the triggers, the fear she was feeling, he was sure she was not faring well. All he could smell was smoke, and panic. He wasn’t leaving the area without her. “Aiyla!” He spun, staggering a little. “Fuck, where are you?” 

.

It was supposed to be safe here. That was the line that had been fed to her for months. And honestly....she’d been starting to believe it. Aiyla had started to have a life here. She was starting to learn how society worked, how to be self-sufficient. She was even learning how to let people in-- like Oliver, for example. She trusted him, she liked him. Even on more than one occasion she’d almost kissed him.... Everything, for once, was decent in her life. More than that--things were actually good.

She was actually happy.

So of course, as it usually did when it came to her, the other shoe dropped. She’d been having a good time at the carnival, with Oliver, and was in line to get some of those fried Oreo things while Oliver was in a different line for drinks. Things were good. Until suddenly they weren’t. She smelled the smoke just moments before the screams started. Smoke soon turned into fire, soon turned into explosions, and she cried out as she was suddenly slammed into, sending her hurtling to the ground. Months of normalcy flew out the window the moment she’d been hit, the taste of blood in her mouth and years of training and self-preservation were kicking in as she hauled herself up, body tense and shaking as she looked around at the chaos, clearly disoriented and not even hearing it as her name was being called.

[aiylaxbadem]

oliver-stanton​:

“Dumb kid stuff.” Oliver hummed, “It was stupid in hindsight, potentially dangerous. But…” He shrugged. “This is more fun- with you.” The wolf’s focus was on her, listening carefully. “We’ll do whatever you want tonight then. Make it a night to remember. Where do we start?” 

.

“As someone who...didn’t get any of that, it sounds like fun kid stuff.” Another little tidbit of herself she was telling him. She wondered if he knew, or if it was in her file or something, that she’d been taken as a child. He wondered if he knew that not only did she not have memories of childhood...but she didn’t have a childhood at all. Instead of worrying too long on it, Aiyla instead focused on the present, and Oliver, and she smiled up at him again as he spoke, “Well...I’m waiting for these cookies you seem to like so much. Then maybe...some of the rides? What do you like at things like this? Since you have more experience with dumb kid stuff than I do?”

[aiylaxbadem]

oliver-stanton​:

Reflecting on his past- Oliver only took a second to think. “I used to sneak out and go with my friends. My parents didn’t like us all going out to big things like this. We weren’t known as shifters.” He hummed, shrugging a little. “They had always said things of this size were too much.” Oliver ordered some of the cookies, pulling her off to the side to wait for them once more. “Have you ever come to something like this before? I mean…I know the circumstances were different.” 

.

Aiyla gave him a little smile as he explained, humming softly, “That sounds fun.” Friends, sneaking out, normal things. Things she’d never experienced. She let him place the order before standing off to the side with him and she hummed again, shaking her head, “I....--no. I’ve never seen..any of these things before.” She motioned around them, eyeing some of the games and rides for a moment before back to him. “My life was the pits or....o-or training.”

[aiylaxbadem]

harleyhua​:

@paradisusstart​

Harley was excited he was able to volunteer as one of the people doing face painting during the carnival. Between his art degree and his years of experience with makeup (although he no longer did that on himself), he was made for this booth. He was cleaning some of the paintbrushes he bought for the event when he noticed someone enter the tent out of his peripheral vision. “Welcome!” He greeted, then gestured to the music stand off to the right. “There’s a binder full of ideas over there, but if you want something else just let me know and I’ll try to make it come to life.”

Aiyla didn’t really know what any of this entailed, but she was trying to get out of her comfort zone and experience new things during this carnival, and today was exploring the tents and booths that people set up (she already had some pretty colorful strings strung through some of her curls). When she heard the somewhat familiar voice greeting her she even gave a hesitant, tiny little smile, vaguely remembering the boy from the bar she’d tried a few weeks ago. “O-Oh, hi.” she even gave a little wave, hesitating when a binder was mentioned before she bit her lip and shrugged, “I....don’t really know. I’ve never..done this before..”

[oliver-stanton]

aiylaxbadem​:

Aiyla easily fell into step with him, keeping close to his side and allowing herself to look around even more now, trusting him not to steer her into a group of people or something. When he mentioned rides she perked up, looking up at him with a tentative little smile, “Oh um…sure?” She offered, obviously never having been on a roller coaster or ferris wheel or anything like that.

“Oreos like…those cookies?” She asked, tilting her head, “How do you…fry a cookie?” And what the heck was a funnel cake? Another day, another new thing to learn it seemed. She let that thought trail off as Oliver mentioned the balloon and she looked up at it, letting out a laugh, “One of those could..be nice too.”

. 

Maybe he was going a mile a minute. Events like this always brought out the kid in Oliver, the games, the laughter, the fun. It all sparked an energy he wasn’t used to showing others. But even still, he paused when she mentioned the concept of the fried Oreo. “We’re starting there.” Oliver only hummed before tugging her toward a booth. “Imagine like…. a hot- fresh pancake? but cooked around an oreo.” He watched her for a second. “I’d eat them all year if I wasn’t afraid of burning myself.” 

[aiylaxbadem]

.

Aiyla rose a brow at him as he explained what a fried oreo was, laughing as he all but tugged her into a line at one of the booths. Admittedly the smell of the fried dough and sugar in the air was pretty wonderful... “Have you..been to something like this before? With...with your family?” The idea of a normal family-- a big one with siblings and parents.. it made her feel a pang of longing, of sadness at something so basic that she’d never been allowed. But then--even this, having fun, doing something silly like this, was another thing she’d never gotten to experience. Until now.