about me: she/her, adult (20s), currently a master's student, eng | ita | ro.
content: death note, writing, my fics and OCs (mine or others)
└ oc index [ barely used these days / possibly outdated. if you want to know more about my ocs, refer to fic specific tags ]
oh, yeah. also Lawzawa (L x Aizawa).
└📄 My Lawzawa Posts [ my old tumblr posts about them all combined in one place, meta ]
multishipper anyway, so anything goes.
relevant tags:
└ di's meta [ meta posts mainly about death note. barely using it these days ]
└ untagged [ meta posts that i don't want in the main tag but still relevant. absolutely okay to reblog! ]
└ di's writing [ general writing talk; fic specific tags can be found below ]
└ di's edits [ either video or image edits ]
└ di's reading [ could be live blogging or just opinions. the book and the author are tagged as well ]
FICS UNDER THE CUT [ dordecasa ]
[📝 - ongoing | 📄 - completed | ⚠️ - hiatus ]
📂 — L / or & OCs
└📄 D for Detective [ L/OC, OC-centric, character-driven, canon divergence, first person, present tense ] ( 200,244 words, 31 chapters )#d for detective #d for detective fanart
SUMMARY:
“I don't want this to end, L...”
[...]
I knew from the beginning that this day would come. I have lived our acquaintance with a clock hanging over my head, but since it was out of sight, it was also out of mind. It made its presence felt, like a kind of guillotine on the verge of making its final blow, in moments of utter lack of contact, but it returned to being blurry when I was reunited with him.
Not anymore. Its cold, sharp blade pokes at my skin, and I know I could ask the Executioner to give me more time, I would be able to convince him, but he would have to put his head between mine and the blade and... It's not worth it. I cannot condemn him for what, in its essence, is just a childhood dream of mine. I should stop being guided by it, because it has already led me to the gallows. I cannot allow it to do any more harm.
— Chapter 9: "Kantsubaki Nerikiri"
⸻
While FBI agent Jessica Parker had by now resigned herself to the idea that her plan would proceed as planned, D. D. waited impatiently for that phone call that would pull her out from her grave for one last desperate honeymoon in the company of her favourite stranger.
└⚠️ Mazzaroth - The Only Thing I Have Left Of You [ L & OCs, Wammy's House, OC-centric, first person, past tense, half diary format, long fic ] #mazzaroth
SUMMARY:
PART ONE OF THREE: YEARS 1988 - 1991
L said that if he were to encounter lying monsters, he would likely be eaten by them, and I suppose I was starving when I first met him.
MAZZAROTH SERIES:
You realise the impact of something's presence in your life only when it's gone. As you relive those memories that you can't change, you find yourself at a crossroad: either leave them in the past or use them as a fuel to destroy the cause of why things ended up in some way.
📂 — x READER
└📄 I'll hold on to this feeling until the grass stains on those old shoes are completely gone. [ Near x GN!Reader, Near is L ] ( 30,239 words, 4 chapters )
SUMMARY:
You decide to confess your feelings to Near.
└📄 It was like looking in a mirror, but the reflection staring back wasn't his. [ L & GN!Reader, To-Oh University, Reader is an ostracised/foreign student ] ( 5,356 words, 1 chapter )
SUMMARY:
L notices you.
📂 — GEN FIC
└📄 Watari's last assignment [ AU in which Rem kills only L ] ( 1,986 words, 1 chapter )
SUMMARY:
"Apparently, there are things your brilliant mind cannot protect you from, Mister Yagami."
└📄 Turned Towards The Tower [ connection between A's sucide and Anime!L's last moments ] ( 1,619 words, 1 chapter )
SUMMARY:
"It's been ringing incessantly all day. I find it… Very distracting. I can't stop thinking about it. I wonder if it's a church – maybe a wedding, or perhaps a—"
└📄 always one foot in, one foot out – what would it take you to close the door and come inside? [ holiday fic, implied matsulawzawa, just L's presence being celebrated really, canon divergence to make it possible ] ( 5,194 words, 1 chapter )
SUMMARY:
L was not afraid of death.
It was a natural aspect for any living being and, in a job like his, it was also something he implicitly sought desperately, since going against the most dangerous criminals in history could only lead to one desire on their part: to take him down. He had spent so many years in that position, hovering between victory and death, that he could hardly be alarmed if the scales tipped against him – especially in a case like that, where Kira could kill him without even touching him, always lurking to strike when he least expected it.
He even got used to the fact that no one would remember him, apart from Watari and Roger, because his position would be filled without anyone noticing. Therefore, he lived with one foot out the door and one foot in the lives of everyone he made the acquaintance of, because it was natural for him to think that he, as a human being, was not worth as much as the figure he represented. However, having got used to it did not mean he had accepted it and, no matter how much he lied that this was the case, that 25th December 2004 had made it more than clear what the truth was: he did not want to be a stranger.
└📄 Epistulae ( 3,046 words, 2 chapters )
SUMMARY:
Mello writes a letter, that does not reach Near.
Near writes a letter, that cannot reach Mello.
Characterising a minor character in a fic feels like walking a tightrope of just enough canon easter eggs for people to recognise ball knowledge while not turning this into a purple guy Vincent toast situation
[ID: Death Note art of Misa lounging with her hands behind her head, turning to look at the camera with wide brown eyes. The background is made of lots of repeating stylized coffins with crosses on them, just like her cross necklace.]
I thought she’d at least ask if it was me, but she didn't. That's what all the training was about, though: to look like someone else. Stronger, more protective, real intimidating. Not sure if I ever accepted it. Don't want my body to grow anyway, but had to put it to work like this and now I gotta deal with it. It’s not a home that belongs to me. It’s just rented.
Ethe:
As it was, though, it was a situation with only one way out. Why does my mind keep dwelling on it, when I’m convinced of my words?
I know I am my mind, but these thoughts don’t belong to me.
It tries to convince me that, if I hadn’t called them, but had simply walked away, things would have been different. I tell it that isn’t true.
wait Jessica goes for the time / spatial type of alienation:
Just one more year of wrong choices and I can finally get out of it. Or, at least, I hope so, because I no longer want to be nailed to a floor from 1989, which doesn't even exist anymore. They destroyed it, replaced it with something unrecognizable, that doesn't belong to me, that doesn't recall me.
I thought she’d at least ask if it was me, but she didn't. That's what all the training was about, though: to look like someone else. Stronger, more protective, real intimidating. Not sure if I ever accepted it. Don't want my body to grow anyway, but had to put it to work like this and now I gotta deal with it. It’s not a home that belongs to me. It’s just rented.
Ethe:
As it was, though, it was a situation with only one way out. Why does my mind keep dwelling on it, when I’m convinced of my words?
I know I am my mind, but these thoughts don’t belong to me.
It tries to convince me that, if I hadn’t called them, but had simply walked away, things would have been different. I tell it that isn’t true.
not sure if you've been asked this before, but what are your thoughts on L testing Aizawa? why do you think L did it?
I ask this because I (unfortunately) checked Reddit again.
You can’t see me, but I am shaking my head at the “checked Reddit again” part, because we should collectively nuke it.
Anyway, I have never been asked this one before! And I didn’t write a post about it either, because I always take it for granted that my opinion is very clear lol, so this is my opportunity for that.
To summarize it: I don’t think L was actually testing them. And I am first going to talk about the task force as a whole, because I saw a few people referring to all of them, so this is my way to address that too. Sorry if it is unnecessary for you, but it builds up my main arguments.
I think he genuinely wanted them out, so they wouldn’t get in the crossfire, since the situation is getting pretty serious and they might be closer to Kira than ever.
And this is because what’s actual benefit of the test? When did the test actually begin? Why is Aizawa the actual focus?
Situation
So, let’s analyse the scene: the problem is that the government doesn’t want the task force to work on the Kira case anymore. If they want to continue, they have to cut ties with L and work as police officers in their personal time or resign.
Soichiro goes back to the HQ and relates this to them. Mogi and Soichiro have already decided to remain, they resigned, so there isn’t any actual reason to test them. Matsuda and Aizawa are the only ones who aren’t sure.
Still, L wants all of them to go back to the police force – they should, despite Mogi and Soichiro being unable to do so at this point – and says that he swears to return and bring them Kira’s head one day. There’s an emotional element in this statement, which shows up again, after Soichiro tells him that he should consider their feelings and the time spent on the case, so the decision should be theirs, and not because it’s not beneficial at the moment to work with civilians or that he doesn’t like the police.
L agrees and, to me, this shows that he does care about their personal feelings, at least about the case. He’s not indifferent, and he knows better than anyone that Aizawa is the one who may feel more strongly than the others about it, given that, when Ukita died, he had to stop him from getting killed.
Matsuda gets convinced by Soichiro. Aizawa offers to work in his free time on the Kira case, while still being a police officer, and L turns it down, because anyone who works with the police is the enemy (but still, if they were all to go back to the police, he will still reach out to them at the end of the case, because despite working with the enemy, he knows they will not turn their backs on him).
Aizawa insists that L knows that he won’t reveal anything to the force and that he would likely be seen as his spy, but L doesn’t budge: he can still work on his own time on the Kira case and share the information with Soichiro, but they won’t share anything they find with him. Aizawa acknowledges that is a lame question and says that he’s sorry for offering.
L then says that he has nothing against a detective risking his life to catch Kira, but it’s not a correct decision to lose one’s job and cause suffering to one’s family for the sake of it. Besides, dying while unemployed is stupid.
Was the test for everyone?
If it were a real test for the task force as a whole, it’s deeply flawed and badly applied. I’d say, pretty uncharacteristic for L.
First, because from the very beginning, Mogi and Soichiro can’t actually choose. They already left, but L still pushes them until their personal feelings are concerned. So, the “working with civilians being useless” argument is being invalidated immediately, because of what they feel about the case.
Second, L knows that Matsuda will fold easily, especially if Soichiro wants to continue working, but he also doesn’t even try to argue against him remaining. Matsuda brings up his employment as Misa’s manager, but that is a temporary position, so why didn’t L say that it’s not sure that he will be working as that for all the duration of the case? Feels like something he should’ve mentioned if the test was for everyone.
So, the situation now is:
Soichiro is already unemployed, and L has met most of his family, so he can picture them mourning his death and suffering a great deal, especially financially. Still a big loss, but his dedication is enough to let him to stay.
Mogi’s family is never brought up and he is already unemployed. Not a big loss, so he can stay.
Matsuda mentions his dad. That doesn’t seem important either – the fact that he has parents that will mourn him, because it’s more about the family someone has to take care of. In this case, even though it’s not L to bring it up but Matsuda himself, he’s also Misa’s manager. Not a big loss, so he can stay too.
There’s no reason to test them further, or even at all from the very beginning, if L’s two final core arguments are the one about losing the job and cause their family to suffer.
So, who was the test for?
Then, it leaves the possible hypothesis that it was meant only for Aizawa, because he is the one who has the most to lose.
From the moment L focuses on him, I must admit that his test loses me a bit, because his final blow is that: “dying while unemployed is stupid”. Mogi and Soichiro fall under that, but it is not brought up before, as maybe even the main argument against them staying. Only when Aizawa is the only one left.
(Even the “civilians” angle is a bit weak in my opinion, because he does work with Wendy and Aiber, but this obviously comes after and at this point in the story, we don’t know about them.)
L seems to start throwing everything he can at him just to provoke him into leaving, because saying those things before would’ve made much more sense from a logical standpoint, but it could’ve also changed the others’ mind. He just needed those to be directed to Aizawa.
What’s the point of the test, anyway?
The stated reason is L wanting to see if he would choose the task force or not, which makes no sense.
Aizawa has done that since the very beginning, even when the stakes were higher than this, e.g. when the Second Kira appeared. They knew nothing about them, and they have seen that one step outside and they could get killed. L had also to stop him. Talk about losing one’s job and causing one’s family to suffer when risking getting murdered by an unknown force that kills like that.
Aizawa even here tries to choose the task force every single time, giving as many solutions as possible to this situation, but L is unconvinced because first the police is the enemy, second because he shouldn’t lose his job and cause his family to suffer, and third dying while unemployed is stupid… But these are reasons to be unconvinced, not what he is unconvinced about. So, what’s that? Him not wanting to choose the task force? Not caring about the Kira case enough? His wife beats him up for that.
“If”:
Aizawa has one last outburst about this situation, which is also the only time L turns to look at him.
But the thing is… Aizawa didn’t actually choose at this point what to do. There’s a “if I quit now”. Not “I quit. I go back to the force.”
He was leaving, of course, and leaning towards it, as he says after, but it’s not a final call and he’s impulsive. He might have changed his mind after a few days or hours and gone back to them.
But in my opinion L wouldn’t have accepted him at that point, even if he had decisively chosen the task force. He would still be unemployed, cause his family to suffer in case of death, plus L would surely say that, if he spent even a few hours and got in contact with the force (maybe it didn’t happen, but L can’t be sure it didn’t), he could now be their spy and cannot be trusted.
He only accepts him back when they "catch" the Yotsuba!Kira and have his murder weapon, so it’s a more controlled and seemingly predictable situation. Not as volatile as before.
I am also thinking… If Aizawa had left before Watari intervened and not gone back to them, would L have said it was a test to the other task force members? Would he have laughed it off like a villain and think, “yeah, exactly, leave, that’s all according to my plan”? What plan? L doesn’t do tests for the sake of it.
Proving their loyalty when, even during the most fucked up parts of the case, they were still standing by his side has no purpose.
Unless his plan is to lose a capable asset, which is stupid. The reason why he showed himself to them, why he risked so much, was to keep this relation going, because he needed as many people as possible, so he’s now willing to lose a hand for what? All of these hands at the beginning, for what? What's the logic behind this?
“Test” as a flimsy post-hoc excuse
So, based on his stated reason, the test is meaningless, because he already knows how much Aizawa is willing to risk, and “it was a test” feels just like an excuse in extremis to get him out of there, because how much Aizawa is willing to risk for the case.
That’s also why Aizawa is not even allowed the “emotional” choice: he would've chosen the case and that’s not the correct decision, because nothing will ever compare to a family.
(And the orphan L knows that too well.)
When Aizawa screams at him that he doesn’t like the way L works, L replies saying that “that’s a normal reaction”, meaning that he was expecting it. He is doing everything to make him leave.
So, yeah, I think L tried to get those who risked the most out of there – in this case, only Aizawa, because he was never actually given a chance to even try to choose.
L’s money
I have to add that it’s also weird that, while being in the biggest building ever, the task force have never questioned the possibility of L paying them, that he might have enough money to support them. Especially because Misa has her own floor, so I think it’s fair to assume that each one of them had (I don’t remember if this is stated in the manga).
I know it’s rude to assume that, but at least, they could’ve brought up the possibility of him employing just Aizawa, who will run other errands if needed to get that bread.
Finally, wouldn’t Watari know it’s a test?
Watari intervening like that because it was getting hard to watch means that he didn’t know it was a test, which I feel is deeply uncharacteristic of their bond. They have been working together for ages at this point and Watari should know better than anyone else when L acts in a way and why.
Here, it means that he didn’t realise it or couldn’t find the reason for such a “test” - probably because it wasn’t.
In any case, this is how I see things! Thanks for asking.
Ok so I'm not sure how familiar you are with cognitive function theory but without going into too much detail:
INTP uses introverted thinking (Ti) and extroverted intuition (Ne) as its two primary ways of taking in and making decisions about information, while INFJ uses introverted intuition (Ni) and extraverted feeling (Fe). Intuition (and sensing) are perception functions - so they're designed to take information in, while thinking and feeling are judging functions, which organize and use the information.
The gist of the argument is that the way L approaches information doesn't resemble the Ti/Ne (INTP) structure like... at all, honestly, and that it does resemble the Ni/Fe (INFJ) structure. So I'll break this down into two sections: 1) that L is not an INTP, and 2) that L is an INFJ
L is not an INTP
Introverted thinking (Ti) is an introverted judging function; its job is to provide guiding principles that govern what to do with information and setting goals. As a thinking function these principles are based on logical information (rather than felt information). Ti cares a lot about correctness and accuracy - the Truth. i'll note here that whether L is INTP or INFJ he would still use Ti for guiding principles, the process is just prioritized a bit lower.
Extroverted intuition (Ne) is an extroverted perceiving function; its job is to be nonjudgmental and interested in exploring and engaging the world. As an intuition function, it deals with abstract information (rather than what can be observed with the five senses) - so, basically, it deals with hypotheticals. For Ne, anything is possible, and they'll consider a number of different scenarios and possibilities, altering different variables and "throwing things at the wall to see what sticks."
The Ti/Ne process is often associated with deductive reasoning. Ne throws everything at the wall, Ti observes what happens and draws conclusions based on what sticks. This is, I think, why a lot of people type L as INTP - for example, he's able to consider possibilities like "maybe Kira really is a god."
The problem is that in practice this is basically just not how L approaches the case at all. If someone primarily using Ti and Ne were running into situations like L did when Light lost his memories, he'd be wondering, "Was Light really framed?" before Light suggested it. Even when the logical information doesn't add up anymore - like Kira continuing to kill after Light had been in confinement for two weeks - L VERY NOTABLY stalls the case for months instead of trying anything new! L is not an INTP and everyone is soooooo annoyed with him because he's not.
2. L is an INFJ
Okay, so he's not engaging in the deductive reasoning process associated with INTP. What is L doing then? I'm glad you asked :)
Introverted intuition (Ni) is an introverted perceiving function; its job is to absorb and retain specific kinds of information that form a base view of how the world works. As an intuition function this worldview draws on abstract information - so basically, it deals with axiomatic assumptions about patterns the world conforms to (e.g. "justice will prevail"). Ni basically forms schemata and stereotypes about the world - for example, that a certain "kind of person" will act a certain way, based on the person's observations. those schemata form expectations and allow the person to analyze or make predictions.
Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is an extraverted judging function; its job is to present information to other people in ways that will affect and influence them. As a feeling function it seeks to influence people with emotional information (rather than logical information). Fe basically taps into the mood, sets a tone, and reads other people's feelings and desires. they tend to feel and be deeply affected by other people's feelings though they don't always show it.
Ni/Fe combines into an approach to the world that relies on reading other people, both emotionally and in terms of patterns about "how they are," and making predictions and assumptions based on long and deep observation of those people and of the world. they're attentive, focused, insightful, and piercingly perceptive.
this is how L actually deals with the Kira case. the moment Light makes a smartass comment about the fake tip that 1000 investigators were to be sent to Japan on camera, he piques L's interest because it flags to him that Light is a "certain kind of person." When Light loses his memories, his question to L is "Do I really seem like that kind of person?) (Light, as an INTJ, is also primarily using Ni, though he uses extraverted thinking instead of feeling). L understands the question and his response is "Yes you do, I've always thought so." He doesn't lay down a litany of reasons why he's tried this and that and it comes back to Light (he hasn't tried this and that lol...) - his judgment of Light is based on his assessment of Light's character.
Notably, L also gets some things wrong about Light because of these assumptions. He's convinced Light would kill his father because he thinks the type of person Light is would be ruthless. that's based on his HEAPS of experience as a detective - Light fits a certain archetypal profile that L has in his head. he's mostly right about Light because he has a very very solid base for the schemata he holds, but he sometimes gets things like that wrong bc Light doesn't perfectly conform to the stereotype.
L is a very excellent judge of character and he's able to read people emotionally. a lot of Light's efforts go toward neutralizing his own emotional expression but this actually makes L more suspicious of him bc L can tell it's insincere. the one time that L actually doubts Light might be Kira when he still has his memories is his outburst at the hospital. L reads that, judges it as sincere, and finds that it doesn't fit with his archetypal read of Kira, so he wonders if maybe he made a mistake. the actual problem in that instance is with his archetype not with his suspicion of Light. his suspicion of Light is primarily based on how he feels about him, the logical aspect is largely just support for that.
he's also able to reach others emotionally very effectively when he's up to it. he knows how to get the police force pumped and build their confidence, and when he's feeling like shit he makes everyone else feel like shit too lmao. he's also sensitive to other people's feelings even if he doesn't always cater to them - when people are frustrated or upset with him he gets depressed.
….there was definitely someone there, in Mr. Pruitt’s apartment. I haven’t imagined it, I know I haven’t. I may have lost my sleep, but I haven’t lost my mind. Not yet, anyway.
Day 2
…what do I care, anyway? If he wants to burn his place to the ground, the old geezer, let him. What’s it to me? A candle that close to the window, with the drapes brushing in and out of the flame, that’s a fire hazard if I ever saw one. He could at least have been smoking, go to hell in style, you know? But no, what he goes and does is light a damned candle, of all things. As if that’s gonna save that little shriveled moldy prune he has for a soul. Yeah. Fat chance. I can’t even drink my tea in peace, someone’s gotta call the fire squad, since we’re the only ones awake at this hour. Damn it.
Day 3
I’ve gone and done a thing today, you’ll say I’ve lost my marbles. Hell, and you’d even be right. I went out to refill my meds and get some more tea from that shop where the lovely lady packs it in pretty little bags with a cute ribbon bow on top….and I suddenly thought of the candle. Of that single stupid candle in Mr. Pruitt’s window at 1.45 in the dead of the night, and it seemed so…sad all of a sudden. Like it was the last living star in a dying galaxy. Like it was the fading pulse of a patient sunken so deep into a coma that they can’t even beg the doctor not to pull the plug… Or maybe nothing like that, and I’m just as stupid as he is, but at any rate, it seemed indecent that I should let it burn alone. So tonight I’m gonna light one of my own. I bought one of those big, two-wick ones, ha, like I’m made out of money, I wouldn’t be caught dead with those flimsy little teaspoon flowery wax-toys youngsters are so fond of these days.
It will go well with my night cuppa, I guess. At least there’s that.
Day 4
I haven’t slept at all last night, not even the two to three hours my brain is merciful enough to allow me well towards the sunrise. At first I kept watch. The green digits of the clock flickered flickered flickered their slow torture as the hum of the ever-swarming humans above and below me came to a rest. I don’t know what I was waiting for, was I reluctantly counting the hours until the first glimmer of that infuriating, obstinate breach of the darkness – because there’s a special kind of darkness now that does not simply descent gradually and politely, with the sort of watercolor transparency of the summer nights. No, in the winter the darkness is solid, leaden in its collapse, dragging the slab of sleep over the world awaiting it like an avanpremiere death – I must be immortal by now.
And I had thought myself to be the only one.
I wonder if that’s why I resent it so much, that impudent little thing, that malformed firefly, that splinter in the great paw of the night – solitary cathedral. I had imagined myself priestess, Sisyphus, Atlas, holding the sacred weight of the darkness on my shoulders slumped in my creaky, rickety chair. And me, one more shadow, standing against the nothing growling at my window with only a warm cup of chamomille tea as a weapon.
…I almost missed it. I wasn’t sleeping, surely not, but there can be only so much vigilence before you have to blink. Blink. A flutter of the drapes. A hand in the dark. A face at the window. And that light… oh, that light…
My hands, clasped as they were around the dragon-heat of the mug, remembered to move long before I did. I had feared I would drop the match – my fingers were steady. The flame licked the wicks of my own candle, tentatively at first, ravenous a second later, as if sinking its teeth into the first meal after a time of starvation. I watched it burn, the light growing, dancing, gently coaxing away the shadows I had thought to be invincible, only to reveal hungrier ones hidden in corners. But those did not draw near, they just stood there, mesmerized as I was by the miracle – so much power in that miniature blaze. Oh, Prometheus….
Long after it went out, I sat there, in my creaky rickety charir by the window, and the air smelled warm.
Day 5
I’m tired.
But I still lit the candle.
That damned, infuriating, pretentious, obstinately spectacular candle….
Day 6
I’m not the same.
During the day, I found myself looking forward to this moment, where the gates of the night would open and I’d step foot in this sanctuary for two. His light, and mine. Elias, that’s his name, Elias Pruitt. It’s not one of the hinges of the universe, but when you share a light with someone, when two hands push away the same darkness, you have to at least know his name. It really doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know mine…
Because I have a light now. Something worth waiting for. In my creaky, rickety chair by the window, with my chamomille tea that I secretly smile into, I am looking forward to that time of the night, so randomly chosen, where two candles talk to each other in a space so mundane as an alleyway between two buildings in a dusty city.
A flutter of the drapes. A hand in the dark. A face at the window. And mine, in perfect sync, like turning the pages of the same book and looking up, lost in thought, at the same scene. The light is tiny, if only the shadow of a glow, yet it feels like a doorway. Does he even know what a doorway is? Does he know what it feels like to reach with trembling fingers towards this place where the breath of light moves over you like a baptism, like a benediction, and you stay still, so still that you don’t even dare blink… until it draws itself back, leaving a vague but distinct taste of elsewhere on your lips?...
…He knows. I could see him at the window, eyes closed, hands clasped behind his back, standing in the same doorway. And I love him for that.
Day 7
…there was another candle tonight, at the second floor. And another, at the fifth. It seems the light is contagious –
Ludovic "I will manipulate my loved ones into killing one another and themselves for the greater good" Mason vs L "noo I can't test the death note cuz then the task force wouldn't trust me anymore wewo :(" Lawliet
i reject the idea of L as an utilitarian simply on the basis that he does it for the thrill. an utilitarian does not do it for the thrill but for the greater good, which is not personal satisfaction, and would not wait and wait and wait for who knows what as murders that do not serve in any way keep happening
re L and morality i do think he actually has a very very stringent view of right and wrong he's just also not too caught up on actually adhering to that. so compared to light he's not nearly as vulnerable to rationalizing - his morality is quite black and white and fixed, he just isn't attached to an image of himself as a Good Person. contrast this with light whose image of himself has primacy over his sense of right and wrong, such that his sense of what is good or bad is flexible depending on what his assessment says about himself as a person
this becomes really prominent after soichiro's death where he starts letting go a bit of his sense that he's a good person and cynically tells matsuda that good and evil are just narratives. I think L would wholly disagree with this — he has a very clear stable sense of what good and evil are but he's comfortable with the idea of sometimes doing evil things. I think a lot of people read L as amoral bc of this but I don't think that's strictly true — he's more of a stick in the mud than light is philosophically its just not a big deal to him when it comes to his own actions
