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A/N: I rewatched Death Note and had thoughts to spill. Honestly I don't even know what this is, I just followed the flow of my mind. It's about a self insert maybe, with an added plot twist (?), this is the best description that I can give you. I never posted something like this before, so idk how it'll be perceived. Also I haven't been active on here or wrote for anime for like 3 years. Is this my comeback? I don't know honestly, I just felt like I had to put this thing out somewhere. But, I'm starting to watch anime again, so who knows. Well, I hope you enjoy and sorry for any mistakes as English isn't my first language

Odi et amo

Light hated you.

He hated how the two of you were so similar, yet different.

The two of you grew up together: neighbors of the same age who also went to the same schools. But one with a loving family and the other with something that was hard to call a family.

That was one of the things he liked. How he had something more than you. How you needed him, spending more time in his house than your own, sneaking in his room at night when nightmares ate you alive.

"You shouldn't base your worth on their opinions." Yes, you should base it only on his opinions.

You lived attached to his hip, in his shadow. It was Light and you, not the other way around. Light was the top student, you were the second. That's how it was and should have stayed.

The cracks started showing when the two of you found the Death Note.

Light decided he'd be the one to test it, to avoid compromising you. When it settled in both you minds, hearts and souls what you had in your hands, what you had done, it was like everything fell into place. Light would have become the god of a new world and you his goddess, his right hand.

Yes, it would have been perfect.

So how come you screamed at him?

"Have you become fucking dumb?! It was obviously a trap! Did you seriously think L would have just aired his true face and name like that?!"

Who were you to treat him, your god, like that? Light doesn't know why you thought you could talk back. He was the mastermind and executive, you were just a helping hand, a piece of chess he could command. The queen to his king.

But it was just one time. He'd make sure it wouldn't happen again.

That's what he promised himself.

You stayed in your place for a while. You sensed been followed way before Ryuk would have told him, you faked being his girlfriend for the camera. When L directly faced him, you stepped in the middle, siding with Light.

"We basically live together, I'd know if Light was Kira and I assure you he isn't"

You were useful. A pretty piece that seemed to counterattack everything, doing everything he commanded. Thanks to you, he had another voice of reason by his side as both of you became members of L's investigation group against Kira. And L seemed to give more weight to your words rather than his. When Misa came into frame, you stepped aside from your role of fake girlfriend. "We realized we're better off as friends." If it ever bothered you — which it did, jealousy was eating you alive — you never showed it.

Somehow this led to L trusting you more. Reason why, when Misa was arrested and Light asked to be locked in, L refused to do the same to you as he was sure you weren't Kira.

Everything was going smoothly, his plan was perfect. A bit too perfect.

There was one possibility he didn't consider. But shinigamis are unpredictable, aren't they? Who would have thought a third god of death would drop their Death Note purposely?

Surely not Light.

You didn't even tell him, you couldn't, not until he regained his own memories of being Kira. To be fair, you weren't even using it much at first, Kira's role was covered anyway by Yotsuba. But it gave you a powerful weapon.

It was an interesting time when Light and L were handcuffed together. You spent so much time with him, living in the headquarters and working nonstop. Yet, it felt like you were drifting away from him, straight into L's arms. He was there whenever you were with L, but the two of you seemed to have formed a bond so tight and so different it felt like he wasn't really there.

That was the true crack.

L didn't ask Light to take his place in case of death. Or rather, he didn't ask just him. He asked you and Light to be his heirs. But your answer was the biggest surprise — even if without all his memories Light agreed.

"If the moment comes, I'll be honored to take your place, though I really hope you won't die anytime soon"

You hope he won't die soon? You should be actively working to make sure he dies as soon as possible.

Instead, it was the point of no return.

When Rem wrote his name in his Death Note, you were crying over his body, desperately asking L not to go, not to leave you. "Great acting," thought Light. But you cried again at his funeral. You got angry at Light for having killed him, even if the hand that did it wasn't his. The two of you screamed and shouted until you left, saying you won't be taking L's role with him, not like this. He didn't hear from you for years.

When Near and Mello appeared, he was forced to contact you.

"If I die, ask for [name]"

It was the only message L sent to the orphanage before dying. So, when Near contacted "L", he asked for you and Light had to deliver, otherwise there wouldn't have been any collaboration from N.

He had forgotten the queen is the strongest piece on the board.

The hatred grew each passing day. The new obstacle seemed to hang by your lips, he listened to you and you only.

You were Kira too. He knew you had a Death Note and he knew you were using it because of the deaths that weren't his work or Misa's. Both of you were Kira and L, so why did you get treated only like L and he was treated only like Kira? It was unfair. It was unjust. But what could have he done? Kill you? You were too important. Too important for his plan and...

Light hated you. He hated you as much as he loved you.

He hated you because he loved you.

He needed to be as rational as possible to be a god and you made him emotional before he could even notice. He unconsciously seeked your approval. Who cares if worthless people don't agree with him, but you? Did you see him as a god? As your god? The same way he saw you as his goddess? Misa wasn't his queen, she could have never been. That place was always yours. But was he still your king, the one you protected? Or was it L now? Good thing he was death.

Like Venus disarms Mars, you disarmed him. It was intoxicating. He couldn't stop himself from seeking you and the sweet drug your love was.

Light hated himself for this. Light hated you.

Yet, he was so proud of you at the same time. You came back to him in the end. You still protected him, still affirmed your superiority when Misa and Takada fought for him, knowing you were the only one who could have ever owned his heart. You still left him get high on you. You still promised he was your only god, until the end.

You hated Light.

You hated how dumb he could get when provocations turned on his rage and superiority complex. You hated how he used you like he did with the others. Because you always knew you were stronger, smarter, better than him. You hated that you could have went on without him, but didn't, because he needed you.

You hated Light. You hated him as much as you loved him.

You hated him because you loved him.

It was stupid to fall for someone who could never love you like you deserve. It was stupid to feel hurt when you perfectly knew what was coming your way. But those quick, quiet moments, when he would whisper words of love and apologies only for you to hear, melting to your touch. They were real, too real to ignore.

It was intoxicating having such an effect on a god. You couldn't help but love it. Love him.

You hated yourself for this. You hated Light.

Love.

The one thing that kept the two of you bound to each other, yet you hated with a burning heart.

Light hated how he didn't ask you to kill Near and everyone else with your Death Note, because he wanted to protect you even in his madness, so now he was dying.

You hated how, many years ago, you asked Ryuk to kill you too when he had to kill Light, because life without him seemed hell, so now you were dying.

Light hated you like you hated Light.

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What if Death Note furthered after Light’s death?

(Played by a new generation, of characters repeating the history books)

Introducing my current OC universe: Reaper’s Record. A story of an eighteen year old girl who finds a notebook that can kill, years later after the rise of Light Yagami as Kira.

I’m still not sure of the genre of this story, but know it’s just for fun :))

I have plenty of other OCs coming (and are originally from my instragram) so, please may this post reach youuuuu !!

#death note #art #oc art #death note anime #death note fanart #death note au #death note oc #l lawliet #light yagami #l death note #light yagami death note #reaper’s record #a reaper’s record