ajw.poetry

the hopeless romantic of your dreams...

[ajw-poetry]

and suddenly

i am 26

when i never thought i’d make it past

16

[ajw-poetry]

i long for

safety

comfort

peace

so why then

do i reach for the knife

blade first

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Yet here we are..

You have

Stolen

The poets tongue,

Taking the blade then

To their back.

Leaving them with

Nothing to say, and

Blood stained skin.

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i wonder how things would be

If we’d met before i became

Her

Back when I was

Soft

When a raised hand meant a stroke of the cheek

Back when

If we argued

It wouldn’t cut so deep

When I didn’t have to yell

Just to make myself heard

And back when

I was so much more than hurt

I wonder what I’d be like

If the walls were never built

If love had just been love

If i felt more than only guilt

[ajw-poetry]

There will be mornings where you will

Lift your tired head from the pillow

And all you see will be darkness

Everything will go wrong

Your chest will feel tight

You will see your tear filled past

Playing out in high definition

Casting a grey layer over your day

You will cry

You will hurt

You will ache

And they will not understand you

You will try to move on but

The invisible hand holds you

All you will know to do

Is stop

No words

No emotions

Nothing

Everything will stop

Until your head hits the pillow again

And you pray

Tomorrow is a brighter day

[ajw-poetry]

“And, one of these days, my girl,” she said to me with glistening eyes,

“You will sit in the parking lot of an all too familiar bar,

Hours after last call,

Talking to the boy your

Ex-best-friend told you was trouble ,”

I beamed, a gesture she was happy to return.

“And you’ll wake up in the morning with

Dark circles under your eyes,

And all you’ll be able to do about it is smile,”

She took a deep breath,

“And the next day you’ll do the same,

And for many days to follow,

You will never regret even a single moment of it,”

I looked at her with wide eyes,

“That, my love, is when you’ll finally learn,”

I sat in silence, awaiting her explanation,

“All the pain was worth it.”

[ajw-poetry]

There are days where our

Problems,

Issues,

Inconveniences -

Seem like the end of all times…

Days where

We feel so small,

So insignificant.

But, my darling,

Then come the nights -

Where the sky is

Filled with twinkling lights -

Shining down on you,

For you.

And I hope you can remember;

All of this,

All the pain of life,

Lives inside of you.

And everything out there,

Is so much more

Beautiful.

And all you have to do to see that,

To feel the beauty -

Even when it feels like it’s lost forever -

Is look up.

[ajw-poetry]

An Open Letter to:

The Guys Who Should Have Bought Me Flowers.

I hope upon reading this letter, you’ll know each word was meant for you. I hope you’ll feel stripped of your individuality, lumped into a group of others just like you.

You. I wasted so much time thinking you were the right person for me. Thinking the compliments about my body were enough to mean you loved me. Thinking the empty promises of forever were enough for me. Believing the confessions of love, despite never feeling it. I was so entranced by the impression of romance that I ignored how empty I felt.

Me. You almost made me forget who I am. You almost made me lose myself in you. I have a fire burning inside of me so brightly, and you tried to put it out. I glow with the intensity of the sun, and you tried to dim my light. I love to dance, but you always made me sit still. You stole my voice, my presence. You stole me from myself. And that is something I will never forgive you for.

I deserved so much more than you gave me. I wanted to go places with you, be seen with you, but you always made me stay in. You hid me away, deprived me of the light I craved. And even then, giving you nothing short of the blood in my veins, you hurt me still. You broke me down to nothing, thinking I would never be able to rise up without you.

Oh, how wrong you were. I will never fall to my knees in despair at the hands of a man. You may have broken me, but I am never beyond the point of repair.

I have always known what I deserve, yet I settled for less. I know what I want, and damn it - I deserve it. I want the good morning and goodnight texts, and the kisses when I can have them. I want the flowers for no reason. The gentle lips pressed to my knuckles with an endearing look to follow. The red light kisses. I want to be danced with in the rain. I want the love I thought only existed in novels. I want to feel breathless in the best ways.

And I deserve every last bit of romance.

One day, love will find me. It will take me by the hand, spin me around, and kiss me on the lips. And once it finally does, I will never let it go.

And I hope it pains you to know, it will not be with you.

[ajw-poetry]

And tonight,

As you finish your journey home,

I hope you’ll look back in

Blissful remembrance.

I hope the pain that weighed you down on this

Mortal plane

Dissolves,

Leaving you with only light and

God’s grace.

And as you shake His hand,

I hope you’re able to let your guard down -

That all the walls fall and leave you

Exposed to Him.

Just as you were born,

You will circle back to Him -

This time more prepared.

And I just know,

He will take your hand and

Lead you to paradise -

And you will have the life you always deserved.

[ajw-poetry]

She reminds me of Annabel Lee

The way her hair drapes across her face is so

Enchanting to me

Her eyes filled with the shimmering

Light from the sea

The curves of her hips, of her waist

Meeting so elegantly

She’s poetic in the way she

Speaks, you see,

Slowly and softly like

Every word was meant just for me

Tonight I will rest in my house by the sea

Dreaming

Dreaming of my own

Annabel Lee

[ajw-poetry]

We were taught to fear hurricanes

Heavy rain

Strong winds

Life changing disasters

But in these moments before the storm begins

I fail to be afraid

Rather falling in love with these

Dark skies, rolling clouds

Orange and purple peeking through

Hypnotic showers and gentle thunder

Music blaring through the car radio

The sudden need to turn the wipers up

Full speed

The road becoming blurry

The music becoming quiet

A lull in the world around you

The storm demanding your attention

As she passes over you

Waiting to look her

In the eye

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Sometimes I wish you could

Read my mind

Hear all the things I haven’t said

Listen to those words that

Found themselves stuck in my head

But,

Oh what a fool I’d be

Singing songs to someone who

Wouldn’t dance along.

[ajw-poetry]

It’s almost funny how naïve I was

How blind I could be

Allowing you to sit me down

Stiff and unmoving

Believing this is what love was

When all I ever wanted

Was to dance

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Gallery.

The gentle glow of the moon

Lighting your features so

Elegantly

You belong in a painting

Hung on the walls of the Louvre

Your voice like velvet

Filling the space between us

Your laughter echoing in my mind

Hours after you’ve left

Your fingerprints creating

Electrical currents on my skin

You have truly bewitched me

Body and soul

Perhaps the novels were right

But

As with most beautiful things

You will remain untouched

By me

Simply admired in passing

Reserved for someone much more

Deserving

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Prayer.

I used to talk to you

Bow my head and

Cry like we were old friends

I would

Beg

For you to keep me safe

To take away the pain

Where were you

Why weren’t you listening

Why after all this time do you watch as they

Break me down

Bit by bit they’re tearing apart your

Holy creation

Yet, there’s no

Divine intervention

Just my

Whispered prayers bouncing off bathroom walls

Unsung hymns etched into my skin

Knees gone red awaiting your guidance

Forgive me Father for I have

Sinned

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Empty.

“Darling, angel,”

She whispers unto me,

“Here you are again, pouring yourself dry to

Wet the lips of another.

Their goblet is overflowing, love,

While yours grows

Cobwebs”

She watches me carefully,

“Darling girl, your glass is empty.

You’ve nothing left to give.

What will you trade now,

With nothing left but the blood in your veins”

She asks, eyes never leaving mine

I look up to her,

Eyes red with dry tears threatening to spill,

I turn my naked wrist up,

Veins dark blue in her light.

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“Hush, sweet girl,”

The sky whispered unto me.

“You are whole within yourself, love -

Never have you needed someone else to complete you,”

I nodded, tears gently rolling down my cheeks

As I began to speak she silenced me again,

“Hush hush, my girl,

Your tears speak the words your mind cannot fathom into tangible existence,”

She sighed, easing into herself,

“I know how it hurts,

To lose your love is to lose yourself momentarily..

But, sweet angel, look what you’ve become -

Look what love has stolen from you, child”

I looked up at her, confused

“Love’s sudden absence has stolen your essence -

Drained the color from your face and

Poured these salted tears across the pale canvas,”

I wiped my face, new tears quickly replacing the ones I displaced,

“Ah, I know, love. Cry, cry until you cannot breathe -

But speak of love as only a fond memory..

Not the thing that broke you in it’s absence”