A/N: Okay, so I don’t usually write angst (I’m more of a fluffy, happy ending kind of gal). However, Tumblr’s 31 Days of Angst Challenge gave me pause to reconsider as I read some of the angst-ridden fics. I was going through my Drafts folder and came across this story; it lay there dormant for I don’t know how long because I was uncertain about whether I would ever finish or post it. Then I saw that Day One of the angst challenge had Grief as the theme/subject and decided to give it a go (this just about killed me to write, so I’m pretty sure it’s the only one I’ll post, so I hope it’s okay).
Beca doesn’t know who made the first move, but she found the woman slowly moving closer, and Beca didn’t pull back. Then, just as their lips were mere centimeters apart, Beca came to her senses and jerked back, knocking over the chair as she stood.
“Oh, my God!” Beca said, putting her fingers to her mouth. “I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this. I must be drunker than I thought.”
“It’s okay,” the woman said. “I’m a big girl. No harm done.”
“No, yo-you don’t understand,” Beca said. “I’m married and I love my wife. Like I really love my wife.”
“Let me guess,” the woman said. “You had a fight?”
“I wish it were just a fight,” Beca said, reaching to set her chair upright before sitting back down. “It’s something much worse.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” the woman asked.
Beca looked at her and said, “If you don’t mind. I haven’t had anyone to talk to about this since it happened.”
“Since what happened?’ the woman asked.
“The accident that killed our six-year-old daughter,” Beca said.
“Oh, my God!” the woman said, tearing up immediately.
“I finally had enough and tonight I lashed out in anger at everyone,” Beca said. “Including my wife.”
“I am so sorry,” the woman said. “Are you okay?”
Beca’s eyes widened as she looked at the woman. Tears fell down her cheeks as she let out a sob.
“I’m sorry,” Beca said through her tears. “You’re the first person to ask me that since it happened.”
“Oh, um, okay,” the woman said and put her arm around Beca’s shoulders to comfort her.
Beca turned into the woman and held on tight as she let out all the tears she had been keeping in for the past month. The woman sat patiently as she let Beca cry it out on her shoulder.
“It seems like you do need someone to talk to,” the woman said, wiping a tear from her eye. “I’m a good listener if you want to talk about it.”
Beca pulled back to look at her and nodded.
“I think I’d like that,” Beca said, thinking it might be nice to talk to someone about what’s been happening; someone she didn’t know.
“Take your time,” the woman said. “Start whenever you’re ready.”
Beca nodded and sat looking down at the table. It took her a few minutes to pull herself together enough to talk.
“It all started a month ago when our daughter, Sophie, was hit by a car,” Beca said and took a deep breath. After a few seconds, she started talking.
Beca didn’t notice the woman who walked up behind her that stopped when she heard Beca start speaking.
“It was a day like any other day,” Beca began.
I was working at home and it was time for the bus to drop Sophie off, so I went downstairs and sat on the porch steps to wait for her. One of the neighbors came by and we were standing in the yard chatting when the bus pulled up.
Beca took a deep breath and let it out, wiping a tear away as she did. She got a faraway look in her eyes as she remembered back to that awful day.
The bus driver put on the flashing red lights and the kids started getting off the bus. I saw Sophie wave at me as she looked to make sure there were no cars trying to pass the bus. She took two steps and her friend, Jenny, called after her so Sophie turned and looked back. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but she turned and started to walk again. She made it three steps before she was hit. I remember hearing tires screeching and when I looked back a car had swerved to go around the cars waiting behind the bus and flew up the wrong side of the road. I turned toward Sophie to run to her but hadn’t moved two steps toward her before the car hit her.
“You can skip past this part if you want,” Trish said, her voice thick with tears.
“Do you mind if I continue?” Beca asked, her voice raspy from crying. “No one else knows what I saw that day and I need to let it out because I can’t stop seeing it and it’s tearing me up inside.”
“Okay. G-go ahead,” Trish said, nodding and wiping her tears.
“Thank you,” Beca said.
I, uh, I watched as Sophie’s body was thrown into the air. It was all over in a matter of seconds. I could hear screaming around me. I heard the most God-awful blood-curdling scream; I didn’t realize it was coming from me. I collapsed and my neighbor caught me before I hit the ground. I don’t remember anything after that until I woke up as the ambulance reached the hospital.
Beca sniffled.
As soon as the doctor said I was okay, I ran to find Sophie. A doctor pulled me into a room and told me that Sophie was taken to surgery immediately upon arrival. It was bad and he asked if there was someone I could call to be with me. My first thought was Chloe, my wife. But I didn’t want her driving to the hospital by herself. I told the doctor I’d call someone. He nodded and left. I pulled out my phone and called Chloe’s best friend, Aubrey.
“Hey, Beca,” Aubrey said as she answered the phone.
“Sophie’s been in an accident,” I blurted out.
“Oh, my God!” Aubrey yelled. “Is she okay?”
“I, um, I don’t know yet,” I choked out. “I’m at the hospital. They took her into surgery as soon as she got here. I, uh, I need you to bring Chloe here. Can you do that? I know she’s going to be upset and I don’t want her trying to drive here alone. Can you please just get Chloe here? I need her here.”
Aubrey said she was leaving right then and ended the call. Aubrey lived about five minutes from the school where Chloe worked. It would take another fifteen minutes to get to the hospital, so I thought they’d be there within half an hour or so.
I waited near the doors so I could see when Chloe came in. It was about twenty minutes later when a doctor came out to tell me that they did everything they could but Sophie died on the table. I went numb. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t function. I just stood there, checked out.
Beca sniffled and wiped her face.
Just as the doctor left I caught sight of Chloe, Aubrey, and Aubrey’s wife, Stacie, running into the emergency room. Chloe came rushing over to me.
“Have you heard anything?” Chloe asked, tears falling down her face. “How is she?”
I opened my mouth to say something, but no sounds came out. I swallowed and pulled Chloe to me. I think she knew then but I still had to say the words.
“They did everything they could, but she didn’t make it.”
Chloe let out a heart-wrenching NO and collapsed. I held onto her and we both slid down to the floor.
I heard Aubrey and Stacie crying. But, I was still numb and couldn’t cry. I just sat there, dry-eyed, holding Chloe while she cried.
After a while, I asked Aubrey to take Chloe. I went over to the nurse and asked if we could see Sophie. She called the doctor and was given the okay.
I went back over to Chloe and told her we could go see Sophie if we wanted. Chloe nodded and I held onto her for about thirty minutes before a nurse came and led us to the hospital’s morgue. She spoke to someone and they showed us to a table where Sophie was lying, everything but her face covered by a sheet. Chloe continued sobbing as we looked down at our beautiful little girl laying there; she looked as if she was merely sleeping. I ran a hand over her forehead and into her hair. I leaned down and kissed her cheek as I whispered: “I love you, Soph.”
As I moved back, Chloe flung herself onto Sophie’s body. I let her sob over the body of our daughter for a few minutes. I finally pulled her up and told her we had to go. She didn’t want to leave Sophie there alone but I managed to drag her away.
Chloe was devastated and once we got home she went to Sophie’s bedroom and lay on Sophie’s bed. She held Sophie’s pillow to her chest and stared blankly at the wall.
Aubrey and Stacie made calls to our friends for us. I had to call my parents and Chloe’s parents to tell them. Chloe’s parents and my mom said they would catch the first flight out. My dad and stepmother were sorry but couldn’t get away right then. I wasn’t surprised by that at all.
After a sleepless night, I asked Aubrey to stay with Chloe while I went to start making the funeral arrangements. I needed to get out of the house for a while and it had to be done.
It’s amazing how well you can function when you take emotions out of the equation. And I was an emotionless robot, just going through the motions.
I went to the funeral home and chose a casket, times for the viewing, time for the actual funeral service, and chose the plot where Sophie would be buried.
And through it all, I did not cry. I don’t know why; my heart was shattered and my daughter was gone, but I still hadn’t cried..
I went home and gave Aubrey and Stacie all the information for the funeral. They started making calls again to pass on the info.
I slowly made my way to Sophie’s room and looked in on Chloe. I softly called her name and she turned to look at me. It wasn’t my Chloe that was looking back at me. There was no light in her eyes. She turned away and wouldn’t look at me.
The next few days were harder than the first. I held Chloe most days while she cried. And I held her at night while she cried herself to sleep.
Neither of us wanted to eat, but I made sure Chloe ate something so she wouldn’t make herself sick. And, I still didn’t cry. Aubrey and Stacie were staying with us and keeping watch over Chloe. I felt selfish because all I could think about was how I wasn’t comforted or looked after. I was on my own trying to get through everything.
I can’t remember how many times Aubrey would pull me aside to tell me, “You need to stay strong for Chloe, Beca. This has devastated her and she needs you more than she ever has or probably ever will.”
I would stand there, somewhat in shock at her saying this to me. I lost my daughter, too. When did I get to grieve?
“Go to your wife,” Aubrey would then order, shoving me in Chloe’s direction.
So, I would take Chloe in my arms and hold her. People came and went and then it was time for the funeral. Chloe had barely held it together at the viewing the day before so I knew the funeral was going to be even worse.
Neither Chloe nor I wanted to speak during the service. Several of our friends got up and spoke. Our friends, The Bellas, sang although I can’t remember what. Like I said, I was on auto-pilot through all of this.
Chloe broke down completely at the gravesite. She didn’t want to leave Sophie, and it took me, Stacie, and Aubrey to drag/carry her to the car as she continued to sob.
After the funeral, everyone was gone. It was just me and Chloe and our memories of Sophie.
Chloe chose to mourn by staying in bed all day. I spent most of my time holed up in my home studio. Several times Aubrey came to me and told me how I needed to be with Chloe. That she needed me to be strong for her and locking myself away wasn’t helping her at all.
I did as I was told and went to Chloe. At this point, Chloe wouldn’t even acknowledge me, and I was lost. I didn’t cry because I never felt like I was allowed to cry.
It all came to a head earlier today. Aubrey and Stacie had called some of our friends and they all came over to try and cheer Chloe up. It wasn’t working, and Chloe was still an emotional wreck, although she did come down to sit in the living room with everyone.
I was sitting off to the side and Chloe had started to cry again. A couple of our friends came to me and gave me a hard time for not comforting Chloe.
I scoffed because I never left the house. I did all my work from home so that I could be there to comfort Chloe. I did nothing but comfort Chloe. I had done nothing but comfort Chloe for a month.
Aubrey and Stacie came over and gave me the daily spiel about being strong for Chloe, and I finally had enough and blew up at them.
“I have been there for Chloe since the minute it happened,” I yelled. “I have held her while she cried herself to sleep. I held her while she lay practically comatose in Sophie’s bed. I helped her shower. I was the one making sure she ate and drank. I have been there for her.”
“We didn’t mean you haven’t been there for her, Beca,” Stacie said.
“Really? Then what did you mean, Stacie?” I asked.
“We’re your friends, Beca,” Aubrey said. “We want to help you guys through this.”
“Help us through this?” I laughed out loud. “Some friends. I lost my daughter, too, and not one of you has asked me if I’m okay. Not one of you has offered me a shoulder to cry on. Not. One. Single. One. Of. You! I can’t even mourn for my daughter because all I hear is how I have to be strong for Chloe.”
Tears poured down my face as I let out a sob and started shaking my head. “I know it sounds selfish, but I have been nothing but strong for Chloe. I can’t be the strong one anymore.”
I stopped and looked around at everyone, including Chloe, sitting there and staring at me with stunned looks on their faces. Before anyone knew what I was doing, I rushed out of the house, jumped into my car, and drove off.
I first drove to the cemetery and spent two hours crying over Sophie’s grave. My phone had been ringing and pinging with calls and texts, but I ignored them all.
I finally quit crying and got in my car and started for home. I was halfway there when I realized I didn’t want to go home, so I came here.
“Wow,” Trish muttered. “I am so sorry for your loss and for everything you’re going through.”
“Thanks,” Beca said. “I’m sorry to unleash all that on you, but you really were the first person to ask me if I was okay since Sophie died. It triggered something in me.”
“I didn’t know you saw everything that happened to Sophie,” Stacie said from behind Beca as tears ran down her face.
“Yeah, well,” Beca said, looking over her shoulder at Stacie. “You would have if you had bothered to ask.”
Stacie knelt next to Beca and pulled her into a hug. “I am so, so sorry.”
“I’ll leave you two alone to talk,” Trish said, standing.
Beca pulled back from Stacie and grabbed Trish’s hand.
“Um, thanks for listening,” Beca said.
“You’re welcome,” Trish said. “Good luck with everything. And, again, I’m sorry for your loss.”
Stacie stood and sat in the chair Trish just left.
“I need to take you home,” Stacie said. “Chloe is beside herself worrying about you.”
“I know I shouldn’t have left,” Beca said. “I just needed a minute.”
“I get it,” Stacie said. “Are you okay?”
Beca let out a snort. “Nice of you to finally ask.”
Stacie looked down and away from Beca. They sat there quietly, each unsure of what to say next.
“I almost cheated on Chloe,” Beca blurted out.
“What?” Stacie said. “When?”
“Just a little bit ago,” Beca said. “That girl that was just here; I almost kissed her.”
“What do you mean by almost?” Stacie said.
“I was drinking and she was flirting,” Beca said. “Chloe hasn’t kissed me or really touched me since, um, since before the accident. The only time we have any contact is when I hold her while she cries. And when Trish was showing interest in me, and she leaned in to kiss me, I wanted it. It was nice to feel as if someone wanted me and not just needed me for their comfort.”
“Oh, Beca,” Stacie said, shaking her head.
“I didn’t kiss her, Stacie,” Beca said. “I swear, I didn’t! I pulled away from her before we actually kissed. I realized I couldn’t do that to Chloe. I know we’ll get through this and I’m not going to do anything to mess up what we have. She and Soph-” Beca stopped and cleared the lump that was suddenly in her throat. It took Beca a moment to pull herself together before she said, “Chloe is my life and I love her too much to do that.”
“I know you do, sweetie,” Stacie said with a small smile. “Let’s get you home to Chloe.”
Beca nodded her head and stood. She followed Stacie out of the bar.
“Give me your keys,” Stacie said, holding out her hand to Beca.
“Why?” Beca said.
“Because you’ve been drinking,” Stacie said.
Beca handed Stacie the keys.
~~ Are You Okay? ~~
Stacie parked in the driveway and turned off the car. Beca sat there looking up at the house.
“Was Chloe okay when you left?” Beca asked.
“Yeah, she was okay,” Stacie responded. “Well, except for the part where she’s worried about you. I think she was afraid that she was going to lose you, too.”
Beca nodded her head and took a deep breath. She let it out as she opened the car door. She had barely closed the door when she was slammed against the side of the car.
Beca knew immediately it was Chloe and put her arms around Chloe’s waist and cried into her shoulder. Chloe didn’t say anything; she just held onto Beca as they cried together, finally sharing their grief.
Stacie wiped her eyes and went into the house, leaving the grieving couple to comfort each other.
“I was afraid I was going to get a call saying you were in an accident,” Chloe cried. “I can’t lose you, too.” Chloe pulled back to look at Beca. “I love you so much and I’m so sorry about checking out on you. I just-. I just couldn’t handle everything. And you were there for me even though I wasn’t there for you.”
“It’s okay, Chlo,” Beca said, pulling Chloe tighter to her.
Chloe pulled back and looked Beca in the face. “No, it’s not.”
“Beca? Chloe?” Aubrey called them, causing them both to turn and look at her. “Why don’t you come inside?”
“We’ll be right there,” Beca told Aubrey.
Aubrey nodded her head and went back inside.
“Let’s go inside,” Chloe said. “I could use a drink.”
“I already did that,” Beca said. “I got drunk and came very close to kissing someone who wasn’t you. I didn’t do it; I couldn’t do it.”
“I’m not okay with that,” Chloe said, honestly. She looked down at the ground and added, “But, I can understand why you wanted to.”
“I’m sorry,” Beca whispered, kissing Chloe’s temple. “Being upset is no excuse to cheat. I love you so much, and thinking about you here and how upset you’ve been, is what stopped me. I hope you can forgive me.”
“You stopped before you crossed the line?” Chloe asked; Beca nodded. “There’s nothing to forgive. But, if it will make you feel better to hear the words, I forgive you.”
“Thank you,” Beca said as Chloe leaned in and kissed her. “Are we okay?’
“Not quite,” Chloe said. “But I think if we work together, we will be. We love each other and need to be there for each other. Plus, if we can make it through losing Sophie, we can make it through anything, as long as we do it together. And I promise, that from now on, I’ll be there for you no matter what.”
“And I promise to continue to be there for you, too,” Beca said.
“That’s all I can ask,” Chloe said as she took Beca’s hand and led her inside.
i’m gonna make a movie where two normal ladies fall in love. everything’s chill, no age gap, they’re both out of the closet, their families love them, everything’s fine. the catch is that one lady has a cat and the other lady never figured out what the cat’s name was cause the Owner Lesbian ALWAYS uses a dumb nickname and now it’s been three years and they’re getting married and it’s too late to just ask
The First Lady asks her fiancé if they should get a fancy collar with the cats name for the wedding and her fiancé throws her arms around her and says “great, would you go do that tomorrow?”
the longer i think about it the more that sounds like a valid conflict to base an entire movie around and the fewer problems i could think of that cant have a solid writing solution available
This is so good. Plus it’s not like you can try out likely names and see if the cat responds, like a dog might. It’s a cat. It’s just gonna sit and squint unblinkingly at you regardless, no matter how many names you try.
no no no. the cat doesn’t have a name, the cat owner never decided on one so she just goes with various silly nicknames. but since her fiancée acts like she is aware of the cat’s name, the cat owner assumes the fiancée mistook one of the nicknames for the actual name. but she doesn’t know which! so the cat owner doesn’t know what the supposed cat name is either, and relies on the fiancée revealing it at some point, but it never comes and she’s getting agitated too because she doesn’t want to admit she never named her cat
The cat decided to move in about the same time one of the girls did. Both think it’s the other one’s cat. Both are committing these increasingly elaborate shenanigans to figure out the name from the other.
and then it turns out that the cat originally belonged to an old woman who died in the building and one day, a few days before the wedding, a neighbor sees the cat and is like “oh so you two adopted (cats name here) ?’ and the cat, hearing it’s name perks up and is all purr-y and rubbing against the neighbor’s legs as they tell the lesbians about the old woman who used to own the cat. They still call her by the dumb nicknames though because it’s been too long to change it now.
So, after thinking about this over night, I’ve decided to share something that happened at the WORLD SCIENCE FESTIVAL yesterday afternoon in NYC that changed me. Or rather made me step into who I am in a larger way.
As some on my feed have seen, I was live-feeding the beginning of the panel discussion on FB. That panel was made up of some of the greatest and most famous minds in the world in Inflationary Cosmology, String Theory, Cosmology and Physics based Philosophy. The panel was made up of 5 men and 1 woman. And the moderator was a science writer and journalist for The New Yorker.
In the first hour of the panel discussion you can see clearly, if watching the video, that Veronika Hubeny, the only woman on the panel is barely given any opportunity to speak. And the Moderator, Jim Holt even acknowledges this.
In the last 20-30 minutes of the 90 minute discussion Jim Holt finally pushes the conversation to Hubeny’s field of expertise, string theory, and this is what ensued:
He asked her to describe her two theories of string theory that seem to contradict one another.
And THEN, without letting her answer, proceeded to answer for her and describe HER theories in detail without letting her speak for herself.
We could clearly see that she was trying to speak up. But he continued to talk over her and dominate the space for several minutes.
I should say that this panel was taking place in a large auditorium as it is an extremely high-profile and always sold-out event. And the panel discussion was being live-streamed across the world and they say that millions of people watch these videos after they are made public. (Which they already are).
So at this point, after seeing very clearly that she was not going to be given space to speak and in fact having her own theories described to the audience by the moderator, I am in full outrage. My body is actually beginning to shake. The sexism is beyond blatant. It is happening on stage and NO ONE, not a single other physicist or panelist is stepping in to say anything about it. And I can hear other audience members around me, both men and women becoming more and more agitated with what is happening. Jim Holt, even at one point, asks Veronica a question and she laughs because he has been answering his own questions about her work…and he makes fun of her for ‘giggling’.
So at some point while he is Still talking about Her theories, I just can’t handle it any longer.
With my hands shaking,
I finally say from my seat in the 2nd row of the audience, as clearly, directly and loudly as possible;
“Let. Her. Speak. Please!”
The moderator stops.
They all stop.
The auditorium drops into silence.
You could hear a pin drop.
And then the audience explodes with applause and screams.
Jim Holt eventually sat back, only after saying I was heckling him
And he let her speak.
And of course, she was brilliant.
———————–
So, the panel discussion ends.
My hands are still shaking. I’m still upset by the incredible sexism that has been demonstrated this afternoon. But I also realize that I just spoke up in an auditorium full of people that are listening to people that are considered gods in the international science world. I was just overwhelmed by it all
We get up to leave.
And then it happens.
Person after person come up to me. Both men and women.
The first woman, right behind me, reaches over and embraces me and says, “Oh my god. what you said was the most important thing that was said all day. Thank you. Thank you.”
And then people start filing out of their aisles and wind their way over to me:
“Was that you? Thank you so much for speaking up. Thank you.”
“Was that you? Oh god, what he was doing was horrific. Thank you. I wanted to do something but didn’t know how”
“Was that you? I wish I had the courage to say something, thank you! Thank you so much”
“Was that you? You said what everyone here was thinking. Look I had even been writing in my notebook what you eventually said (shows me his notebook with ‘let her speak’ written over and over.) But you said it. You said it. Thank you.”
“Was that you? Thank you! I felt so powerless to do anything.”
And on.
So we were all thinking this.
—-
So I walked out. And my friend who was sitting about 8 rows behind me, came up to me with a huge grin and said
“That was you, wasn’t it? Of course it was. YES!!!!! I will be telling this story for years.”
And the whole time, my hands are still shaking. And I’m felling light-headed. And I just want to scream out into the lobby “WHY IS THIS SEXISM STILL HAPPENING? WHY, does someone like me, with No status in that room, have to be so extraordinarily bold and speak up? And why was it so frightening to do so?”
And I’m thinking. “God, please god let this be an opening for those that were here today and the tens of thousands that watched the live-streaming of the panel yesterday and the hundreds of thousands that will watch the video this year- to speak up when we see this happening. And please let me not be afraid to do this again
…and again
…and again”
Because it was scary.
Unpopular opinion but an adult still living at home with their birth family doesn’t owe you an explanation for why they’re living there.
It could be an illness/disability they have that’s not fully visible. Maybe they want to be around to care for their aging parents. Maybe the rents in their area are so disgustingly, astronomically high that it really doesn’t make sense for them to move out. Maybe they just don’t trust strangers enough to move into shared accommodation. No matter what it is, it’s not your business.
She seems to always pour good into the world, no matter what the world gives back to her. She has good faith in people.
She is a very wize lady. And she is very clever. But most of all she is good hearted. The most good hearted woman I’ve ever known.
My mother knows how to enjoy the small things in life, both her and father do. And they’ve made sure I do too.
🌞
All her life she’s brought children into this world. Being a midwife has been like a mission for her, because she is so good with people. She is so good for the soul. She makes an imprint that the soul rarely forgets.
My mother is a great role model, her ways of being are inspiring. And Yes she’s quite strange, but so am I. And so are most of you! And that is just the thing I love the most about her.
I want to thank my mother and father everyday for finding each other. And for bringing me and my sister into this world.
I want to thank my mother for everything she is. And everything she inspires me to be. She is one hell of a woman. The kindest soul I know.
I love you so much mother. I love you so much it hurts. And I am so happy we tell each other almost everyday. Because I really do feel it everyday.
Happy birthday mother.
I am on the other side of the planet today, as you celebrate life with the rest of the family at home. I left a bottle of champagne for you, to remember me by. ✨🥂✨I will think of you all day. And celebrate you in my heart!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!!
@maybrittaksnes
thank you for simply being… you. 🌞
For everyone out there who don’t have a closeness to your family, I send you so much love. And know that “family” is truly a unique term, that could be found elsewhere than home. Let us be your family 🌞
HALT! Do you have sensory issues? Overwhelmed by sound in a messy environment? Desperately wanting to write that essay/fanfiction but your ADHD is getting on the way? In need of atmospheric sound for your tabletop game??
Please let me introduce you to MyNoise.net - a lifesaver on all aspects.
Mynoise provides an incredible index of noise machine generators with personalizing sliders to suit your every taste.
Missing the sound of a lively coffee shop during the pandemic? They have that. That specific, calming noise of a public park in a peaceful afternoon? they have that. Rain sounds? City sounds? Want to fuck around and listen to some uninterrupted Gregorian chants? They have that also!
According to the website:
"myNoise generators cover the whole audible frequency range, from 20Hz to 20kHz, over 10 color-coded sliders. Through a simple but accurate calibration process, all myNoise generators can be shaped to your personal hearing thresholds and compensate for your audio equipment and listening environment deficiencies, including the presence and nature of background noise. Calibration is unique to this website, and makes calibrated noise machines stand out from regular white noise machines. During the calibration process, we are able to measure your personal hearing levels, and adapt our noises accordingly. If you are suffering from age-related hearing, you'll be surprised to hear frequencies you thought were lost."
And that's not all. When I say 'incredible' I really mean it; I've found myself using the website on multiple occasions, for work, creative and stress-related issues, and the variety of machines provided cannot be overstated. You've got animal noises, nature soundscapes, street sounds, meditation aids, melody-based lullabies, magical soundscapes, medieval ambiance, situation specific sounds, white noise generators-- and a lot more!!! They even have noise to block out IRL sounds you don't want to hear.
Just take a brief look at what the index page provides:
There's something for EVERYONE. And it's all for free! It's been for free for years, and it is the creator's wish that it remains accessible to everyone who might need this kind of aid in life. I am using it to write this post right now. Though if you read some of the above index, you may have noticed that the support for the website has been very low lately.
Which brings me to the reason I'm making this post. Mynoise is curated and maintained by a single person:
Please check out the Mynoise Index for yourself, donate if you can, and tell your friends who might be interested ♡
Yes it’s a real service. I do volunteer work for a rape crisis support service in my city and texting is one of the features we provide as well. But just to boost its credibility, I tried it myself:
I’m pretty sure this isn’t effective in the Philippines, but for those who see these posts and are able to access these services, I will reblog for those who need them.
“It’s heart-breaking how easy it is to neglect yourself and to forget to treat yourself just like you would treat your best friend or your sister or the person you love the most in the world. You have to treat yourself the best way. Tell yourself the same things and be grateful.”
AURORA in the interview for HATC Magazine’s Issue 5 | September 5th, 2021
Special thanks and birthday wishes to @abragwagwa! This post is dedicated to you, please, treat yourself today and every day too, you absolutely lovely warrior, thank you for being with me and supporting this blog and me through the toughest time! ✨ 🐞 🧡
Photos @ Bakgården festival by Egil Johnsen // 20.08.2021 // Harstad, Norway
“I tell myself that it’s fine. It’s fine that I’m sad today, it is not the end of the world. I will just watch Rick and Morty for the rest of the day and make myself some tea. And it’s okay I’m useless. I can’t do anything. I can’t clean my room. All of these things are just exhausting. When you’re feeling down it’s fine. And it won’t last forever even though it feels like it will.”
AURORA in the interview for HATC Magazine’s Issue 5 | September 5th, 2021
photo by Ketil Mosnes via Liner Quotes book | 2017
AURORA giving the interview for NRK P3, translated by Amroth
Aurora has found the key to happiness
Aurora: Hey and hello! And welcome to P3 with Aurora!
I have some tips for how you can learn to love/accept yourself.
Text: P3 Gull [Gold] presents tips and tricks with Aurora
Aurora: Tip number one is to spend less time on social media just thinking about what you hate about yourself. The exterior is a shell that is constantly changing. What you have inside you, you have forever.
Number two. Eat a lot of good food and drink a lot of good water. And drink a lot of good wine. And beer. And eat buns.
Tip number three. Being a lot in nature. Because out here money or how you look or success or social skills, height, electricity prices, tolls … None of those things matter here. But here we are reminded that these things do not matter much.
stormborns
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
tangentwithtanner
titsay
