(ships: AnHane and AkiToya)
(warning for distressed little and a panic attack)
Akito hated feeling fuzzy.
It was a weakness, something he hated. But every time he pushed himself too far, every time he was overwhelmed with the aching of his body, he could help but slip. And it just so happened that today was one of those days.
Akito had been training his voice all day for the last week. His throat was burning and his chest was on the verge of exploding, but he couldn’t upset everybody. He needed to be good enough! It was too late to back out now, they were on stage and doing the last performance: BAD DOGS. The dizziness he was feeling came from a mix of exhaustion and the regression he despised so much, making it hard to focus. He realized they were on the last note, and poured his heart into the line alongside the others, the audience erupting into cheers. Akito followed the others backstage, hugging his boyfriend tightly as usual, their way of celebrating. Kotaro and Tono were the only others that could perform today, so they also joined in on the celebration.
“You guys did amazing!” Kotaro beamed, clearly still having from adrenaline pumping through his veins. Tono nodded in agreement with his normal tiny smile, before clearing his throat, gathering everyone’s attention. “While I do agree…” he started, eyes traveling to Akito, who tensed immediately, “and the audience didn’t notice, Akito was a little behind.” Shame burned through Akito’s veins.
No, Tono wasn’t implying that again. His eyes showed… concern?
“Now that I think about it… yeah, you were kind of out of it, Akito,” An nudged him gently. The redhead as staring at the ground while his face burned in humiliation, but he could practically hear the frown in her voice.
“Love, is everything alright?” Akito felt Toya’s hand on his shoulder. He cleared his throat, finally looking up but still keeping his eyes averted. “I’m fine, just tired.” That wasn’t a complete lie, but from the way everyone exchanged glances, they weren’t buying it whatsoever.
“Shinonome-kun…” Kohane murmured softly, her face looking so concerned it broke his heart, “why don’t we go back to the cafe? We did great performing, we should take a little break.”
He knew exactly what she meant, but if he disagreed, it’d only worry everyone. He reluctantly sighed and nodded. “Sure, I could go for some pancakes.” Everyone seemed to relax when he agreed. Tono and Kotaro waved them off, and the four started traveling alone. An huffed and crossed her arms the second they were gone. “You pushed yourself again, didn’t you? You had that same dazed look like when you’re ignoring your regression.” And the panic was back. He stopped walking, forcing himself to breathe normal. “That’s not…” Toya interrupted him, his voice firm. “Aki.” The nickname made him feel even more little. Even more scared. “I don’t want to,” Akito said shakily, gripping his sleeves. The others exchanged worried glances, then slowly approached. “Akito, it’s okay,” Toya said softly, reaching out and gently brushing away tears Akito hadn’t even realized were falling. “You’re scared, and that’s alright. Can you take a deep breath?
Normally, he would. But right now, he felt like he couldn’t. The world felt overwhelming, he was so scared. A little behind. He messed up. He ruined fucking everything yet again. “Akito, hey,” An gently shook his shoulder, looking anxious. “You’re not breathing right, sweetheart.” Akito ignored her and suddenly clung to Toya, burying his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder and sobbing shakily. Toya immediately embraced him, eyes sad but also relieved that Akito was finally leaning on him. Kohane shimmed with her hands anxiously, before taking a deep breath and reaching up slowly, then gently running her fingers through his hear. He couldn’t help leaning against the touch, his sobs turning to soft, quiet sniffles. “Mm sorry, I messed up,” Akito said guiltily, still trembling. Toya shook his head immediately, looking at his boyfriend with kind, soft eyes. “You didn’t mess anything up. Everyone loved our performance. And even if you did, everyone makes mistakes.” Toya looked at A seriously, murmuring quietly, “Would your dad be okay if Akito was little?” An immediately nodded, leading the way with Kohane while Toya gently held Akito’s hand and ok,led him along back to the cafe. Thankfully, it was closed, so nobody besides Ken was inside. He looked up with a warm smile when they entered, but it immediately turned to concern when he saw Akito in tears and chewing on his fingers. “Stressful event?” He asked quietly, looking at his daughter. An nodded, sighing softly. “He was pushing himself too far, his brain must’ve made him regress.” Ken nodded, eyes soft. “Would you like some pancakes, bud?” Everyone chuckled when Akito immediately perked up a little, shyly nodding. They found a comfy corner in one of the booths, the girls bringing so,e blankets and pillows over. Toya gently hummed and pulled Akito’s hand out of his mouth, replacing it with a tiny yellow paci.
The smell of pancakes filled the cafe, Akito feeling surrounded by warmth and love. Maybe it was okay to take a break. Maybe it was okay to lean on others.
Maybe it was okay to be loved.
(Hiiiiiiii sorry this is really bad, i just wanted to practice a little. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, it keeps autocorrecting An’s name to A like way after I write it and this was written on my iPad, which I’m not used to writing on. Hope you enjoyed!!)
