Transitions in Crisis
Welcome to Words to Lead By. I’m Linda Parkhouse.
Thank you for listening in. If you weren’t listening, I’d just be a voice in the wind. (haha)
Let’s talk about transition again as we move toward reopening in many parts of the world. If you didn’t get to listen to episode 10 - The Change Process, you might want to go back to that first. I shared an overview of the book by William Bridges called Managing Transitions. It’s a business-oriented book but the principles apply to all of life. In summary, every change produces loss that needs to be grieved. Then we go into a nowhere between two somewheres, that place where we aren’t sure about what the future looks like and are uncertain of where we fit in whatever future arrives on our shores. Finally, we get a vision for our future and move into the new reality, adjusting to more changes that require grief. It’s a cycle of transition.
So, taking these ideas step by step for where we are today, first, change causes loss. All change is a loss of some kind, even if it’s good change. Haven’t we all experienced some loss!? Some of you have lost businesses or significant income. Some of you have watched the company you work for close its doors and you wonder if it will reopen. Some have lost someone they love to this awful illness. Some of you have had to stay away from people you love because of where you work or your risk factors. We’ve all lost any normalcy in shopping, unless of course you always did all your shopping online. Most of our kids have experienced the loss of a rhythm of school and friendships.
All of this loss requires that we grieve, that we take the time to feel the feels, yet with the new reality of working from home and schooling your kids, that time hasn’t really been available. Yet we all need to pause and let the feelings come out. It won’t be wise to bury ourselves in a bed and not come out for a week, even if that sounds attractive to some of you. If we suppress our feelings they will come out in anger or bickering or depression or worse. So let’s let ourselves feel. Let’s face the feelings, analyze them and figure out what we can constructively do with them. So that’s step one in transition. Grieve losses. You might want to make a list of losses so you can see what you’ve lost and develop a plan for how to process those emotions.
We are all in the nowhere between two somewheres, aren’t we? It’s the Neutral Zone, Bridges talks about. We are in a new and different world and the future isn’t clear for most of us. We can tell the changes we’ve experienced will change the future, but we can’t see with clarity what is around the corner. I don’t think anyone really knows. Lots of people are guessing, but no one really knows the future yet. What we do know is that we will find ourselves in a new reality as it emerges. This phase of transition creates another set of emotions. Uncertainty, lack of control, fear, loss of motivation.. you fill in the blank. Again, it’s imperative to assess our emotions and figure out how to constructively deal with them.
In times like this, I am comforted by the fact that God identifies Himself as I am. He says in Matthew 22:32 ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.” In this moment Jesus tells us God is eternal, outside of time limits. The reason this brings me comfort is I need to know someone that loves me who sees out ahead and can help me navigate what’s coming. God sees the future and loves me, so I can rely on Him, give Him my emotions and ask for strength and help in this time of need. There are some incidents from my life that illustrate how this dependence on God can work for you.
For most of our marriage, my husband flew search and rescue helicopters for the 210th Rescue Squadron in Alaska. This was a high risk job and we both understood that each time we said, goodbye, could be our last. One morning he left for a normal day of work and a friend came over with her kids for a visit. I had a moment of unusual alertness while we were talking and knew that something had happened to Ron. Very shortly a well-meaning co-worker of his called to ask where he was and mentioned there had been a helicopter crash. Of course that wasn’t approved protocol, but he meant well. I remember walking to the big picture window, gazing out across our city to the mountains beyond and asking God how I should respond. My first emotions and thoughts were dramatic. Should I move closer to family? Where would we hold the funeral? And on and on. After a few minutes of these wandering, worried thoughts, God reminded me I didn’t have to make those decision yet. I needed to let God love me and give me peace. So I did. Many hours later, the official call came and I was told Ron was okay. He’d done an amazing job of crash-landing the helicopter with no injuries to the crew and minimal damage to the helicopter. I was relieved and thankful. I was also glad I hadn’t moved past God’s kind instruction to trust and be at peace.
The second instance was when Ron left on a rescue mission, leaving a short note that said, “Leaving on a mission. Don’t know when I’ll be back.” The reason this jumpstarted all my emotions and made me wonder about my future is, he never left notes like this and he left a National Geographic Magazine open to a story on Ellesmere Island in Canada. This was way out of the ordinary. I again had a choice. Would I fear, worry, plan his funeral, plan my move, wonder how to tell my kids, OR would I lean in to God and let Him comfort, give peace and carry me through. I chose the latter. 52 hours later Ron returned from one of the most difficult missions of his life. In those 52 hours, I went on with life. I was even out for dinner with our neighbors when he got back. He joined us at the restaurant and was, needless to say, the story-teller of the evening.
The third was when I was surprised with a work change that was not welcome and turned my plans upside down. It happened 18 months ago. I couldn’t see ahead and had many emotions that surprised me. I didn’t travel through that season with the same grace as the first two events I mentioned. I think it’s because this was personal. My value and worth were challenged, my plans were upended, a dream had to die and much more. My husband says this was the worst season of our 35 years of marriage. He braved the storm with me, but the emotions raged, the fears came up frequently, the struggle was real and difficult. Through it all, God reminded me He loves me and He is with me. He was not surprised because He can see the future that I can’t. When I let God comfort me, my emotions stayed in a reasonable range. When I tried to solve my pain by myself, it became difficult for me and for my husband. I’m on the other end of all of it and find myself settling in to a new normal I hadn’t planned. I can tell you with confidence that God is with you, He sees you, He is willing to give you peace and strength. He’s a gentleman and won’t force these things on you. It’s your choice to receive those gifts and use them to your advantage. I hope you’ll do a better job than I did at appropriating God’s peace and strength as you navigate an uncertain future.
A final example is the terrorist attack of 9/11. That event altered many things in America. We experience fear, grief, loss, anger, frustration, uncertainty - frankly, all the feels of this present time. That event ushered in changes we consider normal now. I remember when we could wait in the airport at the gate with our departing family and friends. I remember when there were no security checks, we just showed our ticket at the gate and boarded. What is now normal was once prompted by an event that created a new future we’re now living in. We’ve gradually adjusted to what 9/11 caused and we will all adjust and adapt to the changes the pandemic creates.
We will all move into a future we may discover one step at a time. We will see hope and some possibilities and we will move into them. Let’s plan now to move into those with kindness to others and to ourselves. Let’s acknowledge now, and when we move into it, that even that future will produce change and we will have new things to grieve, accept and adapt to. We don’t know what those changes are, but I believe we will find ourselves with a different social culture, restaurant culture, travel culture, business culture, and more. We can decide now to transition to that new future, with anger, fear and unrest or with peace, grace and hope. Will you join me in facing the future with peace, grace and hope?
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Catch you next time on Words to Lead By.
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