PURSUITS OF HAPPINESS @akosikhazelann - Tumblr Blog

I still have these what ifs..

We broke up exactly 7 months ago and I thought I have moved on from you.. But, I still have these what ifs with me. Sobrang dami kong tanong. Yung mga tanong na hindi ko alam kung masasagot pa ba. Dahil wala ka na. What if I am younger than you? What if I stayed? What if I was there for you right away when you needed me? What if naging mas mabuting girlfriend ako para sayo? What if mas minahal kita? Would you stay? Would you still choose me? Would you still ask me the same question? Kung masaya pa ba ko? I was happy back then. Mahirap. Masakit. But I WAS HAPPY. Kasi nandyan ka. Kasi mahal mo ko. Pero I guess I was so self-centered that I didnt notice that you were unhappy. Hindi ka na pala masaya. Hindi mo na pala ko mahal. Nagulat ako. Kasi one day, nandyan ka.. Pag gising ko biglang wala ka na. Pag gising ko biglang iba na gusto mo. Iba nang plano mo. Hindi na pala ako kasama don. I was hurt. Baka nga mas masakit pa sa nauna kong heartache. Pero hindi ko pinakita. Kasi ayokong maawa ka sakin. Dahil ako to. Hindi mo ko nakilala na nakakaawa. I was strong. I was your strength back then. Ako yung kinakapitan mo sa twing hindi mo na kaya. Sa twing may problema ka. Sa twing nasasaktan ka. I was your bestfriend. Your girlfriend. I was your life. Pero nagbago lahat ng yon.. ng hindi ko namamalayan. I just finished watching our videos. Habang nagtutoothbrush tayo. Habang naghuhugas ka ng mga plates. Habang tulog ka. Habang nanonood ka ng TV. Habang nagluluto ka ng corned beef. Habang nasa mall tayo. At nung ginulat mo ko. Na sobrang saya mo. Na sobrang saya pa natin. Na sakin pa yung mga tawa mo. Yung mga ngiti mo. Sakin pa yung mga mata mo. Siguro hindi ko aalisin sa kung saan man yung mga videos na yon. Kasi yun ang magsisilbing patunay na kahit nagbago na yung tao, yung litrato o yung video ganon pa rin. Hindi pa rin nagbabago. Hindi magbabago. Miss na miss na kita. Gustong gusto kitang kausapin. Itanong kung bakit? Kung anong nangyari. Kung san ako nagkulang? Kung anong mali sakin? Pero hindi na. Dahil alam kong masaya ka na ngayon. Ako rin. Masaya na ko. Sinusubukan kong ibalik sa dati yung buhay ko. Sa katulad nung hindi ka pa dumadating. Sana magawa ko. Sana makaya ko. Pero sabi mo nga, Khazel Ann ako kaya alam mong kaya ko. Sana pala, hindi na lang naging ako to. Baka sakaling pag nakita mong hindi ko kaya, magstay ka lang sa tabi ko.

jomesreid-blog

Minsan hindi ko rin naman maiwasang isipin kung ako ba talaga ang selfish? Sarili ko lang ba iniisip ko? Kasiyahan ko lang ba talaga ang mahalaga sakin? Di ko alam.

sandandglass

akosikhazelann

Baymax😕

thelovewhisperer

And it’s not that you hurt me that is so hard for me right now; it’s more that I believed every word you said, and I thought you were different. I thought maybe, just maybe, you changed. I blocked everyone else out because I fell for the shit you said. But the hardest part isn’t any of that. It’s that I honestly believed you.

Follow for more quotes about moving on and letting go (via thelovewhisperer)

blossomfully

I text him back, “I’m good, yeah. :) How are you?” I don’t tell him that I’ve spent the past hour sitting in the bathtub sobbing, or that I’ve just thrown up my breakfast lunch and dinner, or that everything hurts and I don’t know what to do. A minute later he replies. “You never use emoticons. What’s up?” And I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t. “Do you want me to come over?” (Yes. Yes. Yes.) “Hey. Stay where you are, okay? I’m coming.” Deep breaths. Stop hyperventilating. Fingers for god’s sakes stop trembling. “You don’t have to. I don’t want to be a bother.” I’m trying to play it cool. It takes him all of two seconds to reply. “Fuck that.” He says, and I wince. “I’ll come for you every time. Don’t you ever think I won’t.”

S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #202 (via blossomfully)

Pamilya.

Siguro ito na yung pinakamasakit na nangyari sa buhay ko.. Sa pinaka kahinaan ako tinitira ng putang inang buhay na to. Hahaha. Wala akong kalaban laban. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung sino pang dapat kong paniwalaan. Yung mga taong pinagkatiwalaan mo ng buong buhay mo, sinasaktan ka rin. Sinisira ka rin. Gusto kong umalis. Tumakbo. Yung sobrang layo. Yung walang makakahabol. Yung hindi ako masusundan. Ng kahit na sino.. Buong buhay ko, nasasaktan ako. Kelan kaya to titigil? Titigil pa kaya? Ang sakit. Lalo na kung akala mong maaasahan mo e sila pa mismong pinoproblema mo.

thelovewhisperer

Everyone you trust, everyone you think you can count on, will eventually disappoint you. People lie, keep secrets, and disappear, but you have to move on. No sense in dwelling on the things you can not change.

Quotes about moving on and letting go (via thelovewhisperer)