Al For Prez

Just a cat in Queens trying to run for President

[al-for-prez]

~This Week on Al for Prez ...~ -Cat only photos once again! No more pics of Pixburgh. #gettingbacktobasics -The return trip to Camp Glendale, about to commence in less than 60 minutes. Will the Dude successfully catch Al and Pip (both currently sleeping)? Will Al keep all fluids inside his body (something he accomplished on the drive down)?? Stay tuned! -We do know that Pip will ride shotgun with his trusty sawed-off, pump-action, double-barreled beauty laid out across his lap. Pip's ammo? Glitter and bubbles. #isthatwhatFrankandJesseJamesused? #noPip #theyusedrealbullets #arethoseadifferenttypeofglitter? #sigh #yes -The Mystery of the Kitchen Sink Poop will be solved ... #detectiveherculepierrotisonthecase -The riveting conclusion of the two-week old Al and Pip at the Monaco Grand Prix! #itsbeensolongthattheyvealreadyhadanotherrace #notthedudesfinesthour -Also, there was a chipmunk living in a chair at Camp Glendale for the past month. Ramona brought him in. He somehow survived. And yesterday we freed him. That deserves its own post. -Ok, packing up now and saying our goodbyes. Thanks to the yinzers of Pittsburgh, @mattdemblowski , and to GC for putting up with all of the boys. Hope everyone had a wonderful Sunday ... #letsgopens #cats #cat #catsofig #catstagram #gato #chat #katze #kitty #meow #petsagram #pet #petoftheday #ilovemycat #instacat #instagood #summer #vacation #sleepycat

[al-for-prez]

~The Curse of the Double Cat~ **Part 13 of 20** {Recap of Some Magnitude: It's been over a week, dear readers, since last we found Al in the dire clutches of Sedulous Graves and the nefarious W.A.K.E.U.P. cabal. Pip sacrificed himself by eating the poisoned whipped cream meant for Al--#isPipalive?? And then SG unceremoniously loaded Pip into a pneumatic tube and off he flew to some nether region of Fortress W.A.K.E.U.P. Meanwhile, back at the Executive Washroom (a locale not even Meretricous has seen), Sedulous is about to reveal all to Al before disposing of our heroic tuxedo cat from Queens. Al made a final request of whipped cream, which SG obliged, but this request has been modified to a vanilla milkshake from @mcdonalds since that's what the Dude has a photo of. #sorrynotsorrythatsentenceendedinapreposition Now back to Double Cat and its thrilling stretch-run! #oknotthatthrilling} ******************************** "You know," said Al, "I've changed my mind. I'd like a vanilla milkshake with whipped cream." Sedulous raised an eyebrow. "A cat of exquisite taste, I see. Very well." He walked over to the row of pneumatic tubes and pressed a green button beneath the tube labelled "Dairy & Its Progeny." "One milkshake, coming right up." And before he could finish saying "up," down plopped a freshly spun, frigidly creamy milkshake. Al made a mental note to order one of these for Camp Glendale--if he ever made it back to Camp Glendale. "Here, enjoy," said Sedulous as he placed the shake in front of Al. "Requiem for cream, I call this--this, your last meal." But Al was licking and slurping his shake and didn't hear that final part. Not that it would have impeded his shake consumption anyway. "And now," began Sedulous as he cracked his knuckles and popped his collar and took a set next to the Executive Room Dyson Hand-Dryer, "I shall explain why all the clones, why all the fuss, why all the impending horror ... When you ran for President-sorry, 'Prezident' [sic]- [CONT'D IN COMMENTS] #doublecat #milkshake #mcdonalds #cats #catsofig #catstagram #catslovers #ilovemycat #tuxedocat #nyc #funnycat #instacat #instagood #pet #petsagram #petsofinstagram #kitty #meow #purr

[al-for-prez]

View this post on Instagram

~Wait, Another Delay in Pip's Trial??~ **Yup** Why??? **Well, the Dude went back to the eye doctor today and it took over two hours. That's why. And now he's getting the car (and boys) packed up for the return trip to Queens. ** Ok. Well we don't really care if he goes blind, we want that Pip trial. It was promised a week ago. And it's a week later. Talk about delay tactics. **He knows. He's sorry.** Oh and hey did you catch up on all of those comments like you promised to? **...** You still there?? **Yes, I'm here. And no, I didn't catch up with all the comments like I had said I would.** Basically, no one can take you at your word then? **Basically. I'm sorry. The past week ...** Got away from you. We know. We know. **While waiting for the next installment of Al for Prez you can always go to Al's Cafe Press shop (link in bio) and get some Al swag for Christmas.** #shamelessplug. You are loathsome. Asking people to purchase Al swag and you can't even write up Pip's trial. **Why are you so mad?? It's just an Instagram feed. I said I was sorry.** It's been a rough week. I'm sorry. I'm just projecting my anger. You know how Thanksgiving can be. Al for Prez is the shining light in my life. **No need to apologize. The holidays bring out the surliest grouch in all of us. And wow, I'm flattered that Al for Prez means so much to you.** Yeah. I've never met you obviously. **Obviously.** But let me just say that I think your Instagram is a national treasure. **Blushing emoji face.** You know you dont have to spell out emojis, right? You can insert them. **Oh.** And shouldn't you be on the road?? Seems like another delay tactic going on here ... **Hahaha** --So on that digressive note, we're off! Ciao! Adieu! Aufwiedersehn! Till tomorrow! #roadtrip #catbrothers #cats #catstagram #catsofig #catsofworld #gato #katzen #chat #ilovemycat #kitty #meow #instagood #petstagram #petsofinstagram #pets #cute #fuzzy #furry

[al-for-prez]

~A Guide to Proper Sleeping in Camp Fairfax~ {That Pip trial which was supposed to have concluded by now? That trial will commence tomorrow. Pip has had numerous stays of execution due to ocular difficulties, technical difficulties, turkey consumption, and the Thanksgiving days getting away form the Dude. The best laid plans of mice and the Dude ... } What we present here for your (and Pip's) edification is a guide to the legal locations for you (and Pip) to sleep when visiting Camp Fairfax. *** Location A: The white chair near the fireplace. No one ever sits in this chair. Its springs cry for the warmth of a rump. Isn't this a much more desirable chair than Grandma Cat's worn, wearied, and cat-scratched chair? Won't you please consider sleeping on this chair the next time you visit? We promise you won't be disappointed. *** Location B: Oh what a delightful porthole you have found, Pip. How seafaring of you! Reminds one of those glamorous transatlantic voyages of yesteryear. Cunard line and canapés and champagne and dancing under the stars. Oh what reveries one has when sleeping in this porthole bed! Sleeping on Grandma Cat's chair conjures images of Archie Bunker and reruns of Roseanne. You don't want that do you? Sleeping on Grandma Cat's chair is not only illegal but will bring about such sad associations. Be joyful and daring! Sleep somewhere else. Oh look, that porthole bed on the floor is vacant--what luck! Please get on the ground and curl up there the next time you visit and get tired! Thank you for your understanding. This concludes the Camp Fairfax Tourist Brochure on Places Appropriate to Sleep. #seemsobvious #notaskingforthemoon #juststayoffgrandmacatschair #pipinaporthole #sleepycat #cats #catstagram #catsofig #catslovers #catoftheday #catsofworld #pet #animals #petstagram #petsagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovemycat #kitty #meow #adoptdontshop

[al-for-prez]

~Happy Thanksgiving~ {Pip's Trial Will Commence Tomorrow--Technical Difficulties Solved, Ocular Difficulties Still On-Going} ***** Stuffed with turkey are we, And all things cream but no cranberry. With your mouth open wide And Cat Grandma by your side, There's so much to eat When sharing a seat. So we hope that today You all were arrayed, Two by two in your chairs, Serving yams and cat hairs. Ah so sweet to eat turkey, With this delightfully unexpected family. #happythanksgivingday #thanksgiving #turkeyphotooftheday #turkey #cats #catstagram #catoftheday #funnycat #instacat #petsagram #pet #petoftoday #adoptdontshop #kitty #sweet #meow #ilovemycat #catslovers #catsofig #adorbs #petstagram #petsofinstagram

[al-for-prez]

~Al for Prez Currently Experiencing Technical and Ocular Difficulties~ Today was the first day of Pip's trial but due to unforeseen circumstances we are not able to post the transcript. First, the keyboard attached to the Dude's iPad died today. Second, the Dude's cornea has torn again. And not the same eye as last time! But there's a reason why we have a two eyes--one's a spare, right? Right?? So bear with us as we sort things out electrical and biological. #dontbesurprisedifyouseethedudeinmedicaltextbooks #hopehegetsresiduals #maybeheshouldntscratchhiseyewithforks #nomediaallowedinpipscourtroom #cats #catstagram #catsofig #instacat #ilovemycat #meow #kitty #kittycat #purr #petstagram #petsagram #pet #adoptdontshop #sweet

[al-for-prez]

~A Family Divided: A Cautionary Thanksgiving True Story~ **The Trial of the Century** {The Decline and Fall of Pip} Part I of ???? (Are there enough subtitles??) ********************** {We open with a song composed by Grandma Cat and sung to the tune of "Bimbombey." Honest. Grandma Cat wrote it this morning after finding the song on Spotify, recorded by Jimmie Rodgers. To quote GC: "It's like how the 'Gilligan's Island''s theme song explains what's going on." That's my mom.} *** There is a chair, a chair somewhere. The prettiest chair, The coziest chair That you ever did see. Grandma Cat loves the chair And Pip loves the chair In the room in the house at Camp Fairfax. So let's settle down in a comfortable chair And learn all about this true story. **** {Prologue} There is a chair. There is a chair in Camp Fairfax that is the sole property of Grandma Cat. It is her chair. It is that which she holds most dear to her heart. There will be other the Dudes. There will be other cats. But there shall be no other chair. The chair, after years of lounging, has molded itself around her body as a loved one may spoon another. No one is allowed to sit in it. No one. Imagine some winsome squire larking about in the court of Henry VIII and upon spying that formidable king's throne, thought it a harmless act to sit on it when no one was about. For a moment. That's all. To rest one's hindquarters where a magisterial rump warms and comforts itself. And so this youthful squire lowers himself down. And in that moment of repose sees himself commanding armies against the Spanish, subduing the Irish, and having his own personal Groom of the Stool (actual job!). And before he can envision his lips on Anne Boleyn's bare neck, two Beefeaters wrench him from the throne, toss him into the dungeon where the Court of the Star Chamber finds him guilty of high treason and beheads him. And so we find Pip. Sweet, angelic, beatific Pip. [CONT'D IN COMMENTS!!] #cats #catstagram #cute #catoftheday #petstagram #sleepycat #kitty #ilovemycat #meow #funnycat #henryviii #sweet #adorbs

[al-for-prez]

~Al & Pip's #nfl Picks~ *** Game One #greenbaypackers vs #washingtonredskins Tonight's #snf game. Currently watching in the cozy confines of Camp Fairfax as a chill wind blows outside. Fire simmering in the background. Pip curled up on his chair sleeping, Al pressed up against the Dude on the couch, sleeping and ... drying off. Drying off? Dry from being wet how? One might convolutedly ask. Do you recall that earlier today the Trio from the Tri-State (Al, Pip, and the Dude) trekked and traversed their way to Camp Fairfax? Well they did. And in yesterday's post the Dude set a wager of when would Al ralph? A. Right away on the Belt Pkwy? Or B. 1/4 mile from Camp Fairfax. And many of you placed bets! @yllomenna @jakeandtito @ravenvonmaven @minos_achilles_atticus @sukayna73 @doctor.tiny.cat @herr_cashy_bear All pushed their chips in on "A." Whereas @sandorandkittles and @uli_the_black_cat hedged their bets and placed markers on "A" and "B." Well guess what?? Al threw a curve ball and didn't vomit, but peed instead! And he peed right as the Corolla landed on the Belt Pkwy. So congratulations to everyone who picked "A"! You were 1/2 right! After marinating in his pee for about five hours, Al arrived at Camp Fairfax thoroughly soused. And at the mercy of Granda Ma cat and her detachable shower head. Everyone is dry and sleeping now but tomorrow ... tomorrow will start the Decline and Fall of Pip. Be prepared to be shocked and disappointed in Pip! As for the football game, we send our apologies to @nitropurr . The Packers are done, and Coach McCarthy will be gone by the end of the season. Redskins are in a solid position to nab a Wild Card. And now the Dude has just jinxed them. Hahaha. Here's to hoping everyone else out there didn't pee themselves and that all had a wonderful Sunday! #cats #catstagram #instacat #kitty #meow #catoftheday #pets #petstagram #ilovemycat #adoptdontshop

[al-for-prez]

~This Week on Al for Prez~ --Al, Pip, and the Dude pile into the trusty ole Corolla and trek down to Camp Fairfax tomorrow (or today depending on when you read this. I guess it could also be next week or last week or ten years ago, depending on when you read this as well as the longevity of Instagram.) --The return of Al & Pip's NFL Picks. I know, I know absolutely no one has clamored for these pigskin prognostications. But here's a prediction everyone can have a stake in: Who wants to take bets on when Al first ralphs on the drive down? I'll give you two choices: A. Right away, on the Belt Parkway or B. Less than a 1/4 mile from their destination, Camp Fairfax. We take all comers on this one. --The Dude responds to all of the wonderful comments that have been written over the past few posts. He will get all caught up before Turkey Day. He's read through everything, he just needs to respond. Forgive him his tardiness!! --And finally, it's The Trial of the Century next week as alleged sweet, innocent Pip fights for his life, accused of the most heinous crime one can commit in the realm of Camp Fairfax!! You do not want to miss this three-part story (or four-parts you never know)--it will make you reconsider everything you feel about "little angel" Pip. --Oh yeah and Al's about to get recycled. The Dude is hoping he'll be turned into a Porsche 911. The whole green movement would gain many more adherents with promises like that ... #recycle #catrecycledintosportscar #catsofinstagram #cats #catstagram #catslovers #ilovemycat #instacat #kitty #meow #adoptdontshop #tuxedocat #funnycat #pet #petstagram #petsagram #petoftheday #catoftheday #photooftheday #sweet #cute #fuzzy #whiskers #kitty

[al-for-prez]

~A Letter from Pip to Al~ {Ed's Note: Pip usually writes his missives to God. But he also writes to his brother. This should surprise no one.} *** Wed Nov 16, 2016 Dear Brudder, I know this month has been rough for you. You finally woke up long enough today for the Dude to tell you that you lost the election. I don't know how that's possible seeing as you're the best brother in the world and you should have received every vote. But maybe I don't know as much as I thought I did. I know you'll read this letter at some point but probably not right away. That's ok. You've been so busy these past months it's understandable that my letters sit in a pile next to the pillow (which lies next to the Dude's pillow) you sleep on--unopened and unread. It's not as though letters have expiration dates. What I wrote to you back in May is just as true today as it was then. But to recap I wrote about things I love, like the slicing sound made when a new can of cat food is torn open; the coziness of the stovetop; my cot on the porch, late afternoon. I also love a newly made bed--the blanket falls like a bird's wing as it first takes flight. I love that moment right before I fall asleep. And I love that moment right before I wake up. But most of all, I love you brother. I think you're the neatest thing going. Watching you play in the bathtub when you're all wound up or when you sit on top of the garbage can and knock off whatever the Dude has on the sideboard next to the sink--as I wait by my food bowl, lacking the courage to demand that 11th meal and knowing that you'll fight for it even though the Dude calls you "G*dd*mnit Al, stop!"--no one ever has done anything like that. It's not just your bravery I love. I love how you ask the Dude for face kisses every time he comes home. And I love the secret things too. Like how when you're sound asleep you let me sidle up to you and rest my head on your tail. [CONT'D IN COMMENTS!] #pipstopbeingsosweet #itsataddisgusting #catbrothers #brothers #brothersforlife #cats #catsofinstagram #catstagram #tuxedocat #tabbycat #instacat #kitty #meow #sleepingcat #ilovemycat #petsagram #petstagram #pet #fbf #cutest #adoptdontshop

[al-for-prez]

~A Very Big Thank You~ {Some might even go so far as to call this a #supermoon of a thank you} **** Dear Everyone, We here at Al_for_Prez are extremely grateful for your support during Al's bid for the Prezidency [sic]. There are many wonderful accounts to thank from @ravenvonmaven and her #powertothesleepful to @doctor.tiny.cat and his help during the whole #halfcat fiasco to @kittkattrescueharlem and her prodigious use of emojis and to Aadi @follow4pussaayy for her intrepid reporting throughout the election season. All early and stalwart supporters of Al's keepsleeplegal movement. We also want to thank everyone who has purchased Al swag so far from his Cafe Press shop (see link in bio and yes #shamelessplug). We know that Grandma Cat snagged a pair of nifty pjs and that @capsdog purchased some gear; the 'Certified Read 100% of Al's Posts' @poncho_grande_ bought snuggly sleepwear and all the way down in the antipodes, @tess_the_snowshoe just got her fridge magnet! I also know that other readers have ordered stuff and I know that I've forgotten to tag them. I'm sorry. The Dude's memory ain't what it used to be. Please let me know whom I've missed and I will give you a proper thank you! Last week on Election Day many of you created your own posts dedicated to Al. We were a bit overwhelmed by the support. Very 'kewl' as the presumptive Earth Leader 1 might say. Below, I'veI listed the accounts that wrote about us, again I have no doubt I missed more than a few. And I'm sorry. Just let me know and I'll give you a shout out in a future post. Here they are, all excellent and crazy accounts, definitely worth a follow: @iamyoursunshinee @pennyandchandler2cats @kiki_and_the_boys (sorry about the Vikes) @tiger_turner (God Save the Al) @antonioandfrankie @miss_peenee @herr_cashy_bear (0-10 Browns) @duncanandhisbros @socksthetux @lil_stache @boogieanddinks @melissatheblackcat @iris_and_juno And thanks to @petportraits.ke for the spot on "Sleep" poster and renegade NoVa artist @andrewjhowley for his inspired designs! Finally--there's still a surfeit of accounts to thank. [cont'd in comments, real quick promise]

[al-for-prez]

~Al & Pip's #nfl Picks Week 7~ **In Which Al Looks Intently Into the Foreboding Future With Picks and Premonitions** (Ok, maybe not that foreboding but it had a good pre-Halloween ring to it) *** Pick 1 #seattleseahawks vs #arizonacardinals Al is "live picking" this game since it's being played as the Dude transcribes Al's prognostications. 3-3 right now. Oh, this post shall always be relevant. The winner? Prime numbers. *** #houstontexans vs #denverbroncos The #mnf contest. To be unseen at Camp Glendale due to lack of cable television. But something equally as edifying shall assume its place--Dancing with the Stars? The winner: today's immaculate autumn day. The perfect porch day for two boys. Pip nestled on the cot and Al supine on his chair. It used to belong to the Dude. But no longer. Enjoy these final autumn breezes, boys ... *** Premonitions: By the pricking of my thumbs, something slumberful this way comes ... Soon we will all gain on hour of sleep. Expect Al to celebrate big time the turning back of the clocks. Please think of good hashtags for this momentous day. And expect some spine-tingling stories as we approach Halloween. The Return of 1/2 Cat perhaps?? *** And finally, please send good thoughts to our friend @poncho_grande_ . We hope everyone had a wonderful Sunday and enjoyed the sunshine. #cat #catsofinstagram #catstagram #catsofworld #catslover #tuxedocat #instacat #instagood #catoftheday #petoftheday #petstagram #pet #ilovemycat #adoptdontshop #petsagram #meow #purr

[al-for-prez]

~BREAKING NEWS ALERT~ ACTUAL REAL TIME PHOTO OF AL, AS THE PRESIDENTIAL #debate OCCURRED **** AP WIRE In another stunning development in an election that has had more stunning developments than when health experts flip flopped on the health benefits of eggs, the Al for Prez campaign threw yet another Rube Wadell screwball into these circus like proceedings with the release of the above photo of the #slumberparty Prez [sic] nominee. Dubbed "Prostrate Profligate Pres Preens Proficiently" by the A.P. (the Alliterative Press), this photo has critics questioning Al's commitment to ... well anything other than his cultivated indolence. "This is what he does during the third and final debate," said Sal Hoffmann of Rego Park, "I should be so lucky to lie on my back lounging like a kadokhes. Has he heard of work? To think my grandfather mended shoes everyday of his life (even in his coffin he was with the shoes) so a cat could be the gantseh macher. Meshuggina." Al apologists claimed that the feline Prez-to-be thought he could attend the debate via the television. "We need to remind ourselves that we are dealing with a cat here," Hal Shirk, head of the Local 108 Sleep Union, told this reporter. "He sees the Dude facetiming on his iPad and it's a reasonable leap of logic that Al thought he could 'FaceTime' with the television. If anything, Al has once again shown how far ahead of the times he really is." Others were less convinced. After the debate, #republican nominee #donaldtrump told the press corps: "I want to build a wall around Al. We need to keep him out of our country. I don't know what he's capable of but I do know it's bad things. He's a 'bad cat' and I'm gonna kick him out. He's had his whole life to fix these sleep problems and look where we are--still with massive, awful sleep problems. He's a criminal and he should be in prison for a very very long time ... " [CONT'D IN COMMENTS] #election2016 #allkiddingasidebutalisthebestchoicesadly #news #debatenight #debate2016 #cat #catoftheday #sleepycat #tuxedocat #catstagram #catsofworld #catslover #instacat #instagood #ilovemycat #pet #petstagram #petsofinstagram #petoftheday #cute #kitty #cutest

[al-for-prez]

~Entre Pierrot~ {Ed.'s Note: Pierrot is an outside cat who fell into the habit of visiting Grandma Cat this past summer. Then, about three months ago, he stopped visiting. And we expected the worst. Until yesterday, when for reasons known only to him, Pierrot reappeared.} Bonjour mes amis, c'est Pierrot! I have returned. You were worried, no? How foolish. I was--how you say--blowin' in the wind to quote Messr #bobdylan . Un formidable chanteur. His words have always guided me on the journeys I take. They are the knapsack at the end of the pole slung over my shoulder. Regardez-moi! Trying to write the poetry like the master. Ah Pierrot, you are cursed to have the poet's soul sans the poet's tongue. Alas. These past trois months, where was I so many people ask me. Where were you?? I want to ask back. I was the same place you were. On Earth. Revolving around the Milky Way. Ma vie, a tributary meandering past the plains of Fate. I was exactly where you were. Where you are! Right now! Maybe, just at a different longitude, no? I jest, bien sur. But not knowing where I was is rather silly. Ask yourself: right now at this very moment in time (ok, that moment in time just passed, so catch the next moment) where resides someone you love? Friend, lover, pet--maybe all of the above? Again, I jest. My sense of humor is also my yoke. Vraiment, none of us know where any of us are. While simultaneously knowing where we all are. Is that not life? Two things which seemingly conflict with one another actually coincide? O Pierrot, too much time spent on the Left Bank, sipping cafe after cafe at Deux Maggots. A youth misspent, ah oui! As the best youths should be ... So I am back. Although I am gone from the place I was. So instead better just to say I am. And Camp Fairfax is tres belle in Autumn. Grandmere-Chat was screaming at me from her upstairs bathroom like une femme fou. Finish your business, Grandmere-Chat before calling to one Pierrot! [CONT'D IN COMMENTS!!] #chat #deepthinker #philosopher #france #flaneur #cat #catsofinstagram #catstagram #catsofworld #catslover #funnycat #instacat #instagood #petoftheday #pets #petstagram #petsagram #meow #kitty #whiskers #ilovemycat

[al-for-prez]

~In Defense of Al~ {Official statement from Al HQ, courtesy of PR rep Cole Dickering} Followers, for the past few days you've been reading about a bad break I got. How I was photographed playing, attacking feathers and a stuffed oblong thing, behaving in a manner contrary to everything I espouse. Yet today, I consider myself the sleepiest cat on the face of the earth. I have slept on beds, couches, cushions, carpets, chairs, stovetops, piles of laundry (both clean and unclean), the Dude's chest, the pillow next to the pillow the Dude sleeps on and I have never broken that slumber other than to stretch and rise and eat one of my court mandated eleven meals of the day. I am here to repledge my allegiance to the #slumberparty and to reaffirm my vow to #keepsleeplegal. Never forget that I am the only candidate who promises to never outlaw sleep. Neither #donaldtrump nor #hillaryclinton have signed the Declaration of Sleeper's Rights which I'm pretty sure I mailed to them. Pip was supposed to do it. But let's be honest, it's Pip. If you told him to walk around a circle, he'd get lost. Am I right? #speakingtruthtoPippower Look, those photos--do we even need to talk about them? They were taken out of context. But even if they weren't, hypothetically. Let me ask you ... I am a cat. Has not a cat eyes, paws, claws, bunny legs, affections, passions? If you dangle toys in front of us, will we not play? If there's an oblong toy thing, will we not kick at it? If we are provoked by sudden, rapid movement shall we not try to kill the source of said sudden, rapid movement? I pose these questions rhetorically. But fully expect you to answer them internally. If you can't forgive me for my theoretical transgressions, then whom could you ever theoretically forgive? #makesyouthink I close in saying that I might have had a bad break, but I have an awful lot to sleep for. Sleep on, America. #plagiarismuch? #cats #sleepycat #instacat #instagood #catstagram #catsofinstagram #catoftheday #ilovemycat #pets #election2016 #petstagram #funnycat #chat #katzen #gato #cute #adoptdontshop #petoftheday

[al-for-prez]

~Al & Pip's #nfl Picks Week 6~ {Whereby two cats attempt to accurately predict the outcomes of football games already played or yet to be played. All predictions guaranteed or your money back.} **** #indianapoliscolts vs #houstontexans Two teams that the Dude cannot justify having on national primetime tv. The Colts GM has wasted the prime years of Andrew Luck's career with his inept handling of the offensive line, and the Texans--whether coached by Gary Kubiak or Bill O'Brien--join the ranks of the Jaguars and Dolphins for being teams better equipped for NFL Europe than the NFL. The Dude never cared for all the JJ Watt hype. So Commissioner Goodell, (we know you are an avid reader of Al_for_Prez), please fix the on-field product of the NFL because the games have been painful to watch. Poorly officiated, ineptly play, indecipherable rules--you have taken this once ardent admirer of the game of football and turned him into someone who finds better ways to spend his Sundays than screaming and yelling at the TV. #wasthatthemostseriousthingthedudehaseverwritten??? #probably #sorryeveryonefortheventing The winner of tonight's game? The Dude--for finally getting around to replying to all the fantastic comments left by the inimitable readers of Al for Prez. The Dude apologizes for being derelict in his duties. **** Game 2 #newyorkjets vs #arizonacardinals Lost of love for #brucearians and @larryfitzgerald and if they hope to rectify their season there is no better team to do it against than the hurting Jets. The winner?? The Dude again--for buying those mini NFL helmets at a Sports Authority clearance sale this past July. **** Apologia--about ten days ago the Dude tore his cornea. And he retore it this past Friday. Trust us, he expects no sympathy, although cards, chocolate, and money will be accepted. [CONT'D IN COMMENTS!!] #catsofinstagram #cats #catslover #catstagram #ilovemycat #instacat #meow #purr #tuxedocat #catslover #pet #petstagram #petsofinstagram #petoftheday #pets #gambling #catsofworld #cute #sweet

[al-for-prez]

~Say It Ain't So, Al~ Al's Prez Campaign Rocked to Core With Release of Controversial Photos AP Wire Heartbroken, USA --Supporters of Al for Prez went to sleep tonight with heavy hearts after gossip rag The National 'Scope published three photos of the Prez candidate engaged in what can only be described as "non-sleeping play." Pics of Al tussling with a large worm-sized toy, covered in a pattern of multi-colored paw prints, and his swatting at yellow and blue feathers attached to a black stick-like appendage appeared Thursday morning on the 'Scope's website. 'Scope reporter Tab Lloyd wrote: "The stuff that dreams aren't made on: alleged sleep advocate Prez candidate Al, seen in this unholy trinity of photos, engaging in boisterous, rollicking play that appears the antithesis of sleeping. Or maybe I've just been doing it wrong all these year. I guess heavy doesn't lie the head after all--huh the cat who would have been Prez?" The reaction from all corners of the world was swift and censorious. "I haven't left my bed since I first read about that little fuzz ball," Huntington, NY native Marv Everberry told reporters gathered around his Sleep Number Mattress. "That was back on May 4th. His vow to keep sleep legal resonated with me and my wife at the time. And to see him now playing and wrestling on the hardwood floors of Camp Fairfax, well it's too much for this man to take. I even named my bedsores after Al, Pip, and the Dude." Other Al supporters shared similar sentiments. "He told me he was going to put a stovetop in every house and that he would turn back the clocks an hour every single day," said Trish FitzMcMac of Shannon, Ireland. "And I believed that tuft of black and white. But now? After seeing him so active and carefree in these photos? Makes me feel guilty for keeping my kids tied to their beds these past few months. How was I to know that Al was one big sham?" [CONT'D IN COMMENTS] #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #tuxedocat #adoptdontshop #news #election2016 #chat #gato #katzen #instacat #catoftheday #meow #purr #whiskers #pet #petoftheday #petstagram #catslover #ilovemycat