Hearts and Minds @aladykenna - Tumblr Blog

Yes but even if he does make it happen, we may wind up dealing with this sort of thing from Catherine forever. You could have been seriously hurt or.. worse in Italy. All so she could take something from me.

aladykenna

It doesn't matter what happens to me... You know what I mean. What matters is what happens to you. You, Henry, and my family would move on from my death, but Scotland cannot move forward if anything were or is to happen to you.

#mary2

queennofscots

I … don’t know, Kenna. I’m sorry. It feels like I can’t think anymore. Like my head keeps ending up elsewhere. And I don’t have answers to any of this. Francis keeps asking things, trying to talk and I can’t. I don’t know what to say to him. To.. anyone. No matter what, we’re still in a treaty with France. The marriage is still on until it’s officially called off so we have some time. We’ll just have to hope Catherine is patient.

aladykenna

Shh... Mary, I don't hold it against you. You do not need to have any answers quite yet. Just so long as you don't become as horrible a queen as Catherine, I'm sure it shall all come together. I know Francis must want to marry you, and he will make it happen.

#mary2

queennofscots

There… was suspicion… a long while ago, that she was the one who forced Colin into attacking me. But we were never completely sure. I didn’t tell you all because it didn’t seem important once things died down. But now… she knew. She knew there was only one way to stop the marriage. I don’t know why she hates me or what she sees in me that is so terrible for Francis but we aren’t welcome here. At least not by Catherine, and the longer we try to fool ourselves into believing we are, the more danger all of us could be in. I wouldn’t put it past her to have us killed should this somehow all get overlooked.

aladykenna

It didn't seem like Colin to do such a thing, I knew Lola knew better than to become tied up with someone who would commit such a crime. But this is still quite...shocking, yet after what we've endured, it isn't.

What shall we do, Mary? Clearly, it is not safe here. Neither is Scotland but...Surely there is elsewhere?

#mary2

queennofscots

No. No. Just made it clear that she wasn’t going to let anyone overlook what’s happened. She gave us to them with purpose. So that no matter the outcome, I couldn’t marry Francis. She’s going to make sure it stays that way.

aladykenna

That...That horrible woman!

She of all people should know that women in our position should not be treated as pawns or objects. We already face enough treachery from men, but for another woman to send it our way? Has she no morals?

#mary2 #kenna rants

queennofscots

We just happened to walk by her in the hall. She was.. being Catherine.

aladykenna

Did she threaten you?

#mary2

queennofscots

It’s more than a rumor that Henry feels a sense of responsibility and duty to the women he beds. He’s a decent enough man in that sense. He knew you were there because of him and he took care of it. As a good King would. To not be embarassed by Italy having his own mistress taken out of his castle. I’m beginning to think there isn’t a single person besides us that doesn’t see as as expendable. I’m sorry. I know that isn’t the reassurance you want. But… Greer and I had a run in with Catherine today. It’s hard to think France will welcome us much longer. Maybe.. Herny knows that.

aladykenna

Wait... What happened with you and Catherine?

#mary1

lovelyladygreer

I’m sorry Kenna.. I can’t imagine how it would feel to have to have that kind of conversation with a man. But if you’re not ready… he.. he will understand, if he cares for you. Once he moved past his male induced frustration.

aladykenna

I hope.

Before Mary and I were taken I felt as though I had to constantly fight with him to prove my worth. To become his mistress, to get Diane out of picture...I am tired of fighting but I fear what will happen if I stop.

#greer2

queennofscots

Don’t let him pressure you, Kenna. You should do whatever you’re comfortable with and right now if that doesn’t include being in his bed then he will understand that if he cares about you. And if he doesn’t want to understand that, then he can consider himself no better than the men we stayed with in Italy, thinking our own value comes in what we can give to them.

aladykenna

I realize that but... I worry that he may consider me expendable. Where is that man who offered to pay my ransom? Full of as much compassion for me as his passion for me?

Surely you are experiencing...Something similar with Francis?

#mary2

lovelyladygreer

What did he say?

aladykenna

He asked if any of the guards had had their way with me. And that he had waited and was becoming impatient with out relationship.

Does he not understand what I have gone through simply because of my affiliation with him?

#greer2

queennofscots

.. Oh. Was he upset with you?

aladykenna

Yes. He reminded me that this was my duty and that he had waited and given me my space but...That's not going to fix this.

I don't know what to do.

#mary2

lovelyladygreer

What wrong, Kenna?

aladykenna

Henry came for me tonight. And I couldn't...

We had an argument. It was different this time.

#greer2

queennofscots

Kenna?

What’s wrong?

aladykenna

Henry came to visit me tonight.

We were supposed to...But I couldn't.

#mary2

...Is anyone awake?

#open to everyone #kenna had a bad night and needs lady time

This Old Cold Shoulder || Kenna and Henry

Kenna stared up at the ceiling, her hands clasped and resting on her waist. This was the first night since her return that Kenna had allowed Henry to be with her, as her injuries had still been tender and she felt a duty to be with Mary for most of her time. Though Mary had insisted she not feel guilty about leaving, she still did. There was nothing she could do to help Mary for that time while Kenna was gone, and she felt protective of her friend. They continued to share baths and quiet moments were fractured by Kenna's occasional lullaby.

In this room, Henry had no interest in singing. Kenna saw how Mary reacted toward strangers, which was understandable considering all she had endured. Kenna herself was admittedly skittish around even the infirmary attendants, but held her tongue and fears for the sake of healing. With Henry, another strong man, crawling atop her and touching her, it unsettled her.

She did crave his touch and kisses, some part of her did. Perhaps it was a piece of her old self, before that dinner, before being carted to Italy and back. The old self that wanted to be loved and lusted after, desired by powerful people. This new Kenna didn't feel empowered by touches or stares anymore, she felt targeted. A sour taste arose into her mouth at memories of the guard pinning her to the wall while another pressed Mary into the floor. Helpless, struggling.

"Kenna,"

She sat up immediately upon hearing Henry's voice. He was in his dressing shirt, crown gone, and the doors shut behind him. He nodded in greeting and Kenna feigned an eager smile, scooting further into the pillows away from him. The silks and velvets were pleasing to touch, pure and comfortable unlike the life of a mistress. Ever since she had become his, it had been a fight to hold any tangible importance in Henry's life, a fight that would likely never end. The lavish decor was a trick, telling her everything could be as easily flowing as silk robes sliding off skin.

Henry crawled onto the bed, his hands tenderly roaming over her clothed body. He inhaled deeply, the dark, leering expression in his eyes that told Kenna he was feeling passionate. Waiting this long for her must have been a struggle, and he had made that quite clear in the past weeks. She closed her eyes and shivered, hoping the familiar reaction would mean what it used to instead of what it had become. She used to shudder with eager anticipation, closing her eyes in ecstasy, gripping the sheets as pleasure overwhelmed her. Now, the anticipation was fearful, dreading his touch. Eyelids dropped so she wouldn't see his face, only for it to flash and become the aggressive grin of the guard in Italy. Henry could tell, and he pulled away.

"I have needs, Kenna. I understand you required time, which I have provided," He was away from her in a flash. She peeked open her eyes and realized he was not going to seduce her. They both knew that effort would be futile. "It is your duty to provide for me when needed. You wanted this before, and I have given it to you,"

His back was turned to her, shoulders hunched up. Kenna's jaw dropped and her brows furrowed.

"Henry, do you not understand what I have gone through?" She snapped, a tear welling in her eyes. All this time, he had not asked if she needed to talk, only to see if she was in any physical condition to spend the night with him. He had given her trinkets and jewels, but hardly any of his time. "Do you not know what they have done to me--?"

"Did any of them take you?" Henry's voice changed and he looked over back at her. Kenna pulled the blanket down from her, sitting on her knees to become taller.

"No. But what if they had? Would I not be in this room if they had?" She asked sharply, narrowing her eyes. Her heart raced. They had fought before, but this felt different. This was different. Her duty was to please him, but she wanted it to be on her own terms. She cared for him, and she knew he cared for her as well. How far those affections went was yet to be discovered. Perhaps they would be soon.

"Clearly you have not mentally recovered from your journey. I will come tomorrow night," He rose and took his robe, shrugging it over his shoulders. Kenna wanted to both reach out for him and beg him to stay, that she would obey him, and shove him out the door and demand he stay outside that door until he could prove he loved her.

"Is that all you have to say? After what I went through?" She argued, the tears trailing down her cheeks. Perhaps this was what Mary was talking about before. "They stole me, they attacked me because I was connected to you. I have given everything to you, everything. My virtue, my innocence, my...my sense of security! I gave it all up for you and you can just walk away?"

Henry looked over his shoulder, a look of resilience cast upon his features. Kenna let her voice catch in her throat. No words passed between them as Henry marched out of the room. The guards closed the door behind him, leaving her alone in their bedroom. Tears stained the sheets and Kenna needed someone, anyone who could understand. She reached for her robe and went to the door.

#sp1 #self para

queennofscots

How are you doing, Kenna? Are you still sore? Has Henry been okay? Catherine? I know it’s probably only been a few days but..

aladykenna

A little. Henry has ensured that I have time in the infirmary every day. He's been...a little distant. Which is fine, it's difficult for us to spend time together until I am healed. I have not even spoken to Catherine.

#mary1