Welcome to Hell

Neon-Crayons Incorrect Hazbin Side-Blog!

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Angel Dust: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Alastor, cracks his knuckles: Manslaughter it is.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Charlie: What are you getting Alastor for his birthday?

Lucifer: It's kind of hard buying a gift for him when he already got everything he could've ever wanted, when he married me. So I'm not sure yet.

Husk: I'm getting Alastor a divorce lawyer.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Lucifer: I don’t know what to do with it.

Alastor: With what?

Lucifer: All the love I used to have for Lilith.

Lucifer: I don’t know where to put it now...

Alastor: I’ll take it.

Lucifer: Heh. Thanks, Bambi.

Alastor: I’m serious. It sounds lovely. I’ll have it.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

"There's a saying among Overlord's... The biggest misfortune for Alastor's enemies is that they are Alastor's enemies."

– Husk (to the other hotel residents.)

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Alastor: The only thing Niffty is guilty of is being adorable.

Husk: And also assault with a deadly weapon.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Alastor: Wait, us being together scares you too?

Lucifer: Yes!

Alastor: Well that’s no good!

Alastor: You being blindly infatuated with me and me slowly understanding what real love is was the rock we were building this relationship on!

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Alastor: Welcome to my seminar on how to inspire dread.

Alastor: Step one, be yourself. I’ve found that usually works for me.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

One of the many things that baffles me about you, is that you remain un-mudered.

– Alastor, to Vox

[this-hazbin-quoted]

[Post War with Heavan]

Vox: What do we do now? What happens to us now? Val... Vel..?

Velvette: Go to Hell.

Vox: Fair enough. Absolutely fair enough.

[Vox starts to leave] 

Valentino: Voxxy? You asked us what we're going to do. She just told you: we're going home to Hell. 

Vox: You still want to stay by my side?

Velvette: Well, why wouldn't we?

Vox: Because of what I did, I...

Valentino: You betrayed us. You betrayed our trust.

Velvette: You betrayed our friendship.

Valentino: You betrayed everything we stand for...

Velvette: You let us down!

Vox: Then why are you staying?

[Valentino & Velvette share a look]

Velvette: Why?

Valentino: Do you think that we care for you so little that betraying us would make a difference?

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Lucifer: I'd like to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.

Alastor: I wake up at 5am every day for my morning broadcast.

Lucifer: I'd like to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Charlie: All right, Saturday is the big day! A lot of people thought this would never come.

Charlie: ...

Charlie: I may have been one of those people...

Lucifer: I may have also been one of those people...

Alastor: Wait, are we talking about our wedding?

Lucifer: Yes.

Alastor: Oh, yes, I was definitely one of those people.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Charlie: Look Dad, can’t you just be nice, for once?

Lucifer: The best I can do is fake a smile and hide my dead eyes behind these shades.

Charlie: ...

Lucifer: ...

Charlie: Alright, I’ll take it.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Alastor: Congratulations. My so-called inner circle has failed me again. You've now won the Gold, Silver, and Bronze Medals at the Idiot Olympics!

*Husk raises hand*

Alastor: What?!

Husk: Who won Gold?

Alastor: Shut up!

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Lucifer, angrily: I swear, I’m gonna fucking kill that damn busboy!

Charlie, sighing: Okay. Now imagine Hell without Alastor in it.

Lucifer, tearing up: Why would you say that?

[this-hazbin-quoted]

"When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's 'intelligent' and 'really cool' but when I do it I'm 'petty' and 'need to move on.'"

– Vox

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Vox: I have someone from your Hotel.

Charlie: Who? There's seven of them.

Vox: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

Charlie: Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Husk: Point is, we need to try it.

Angel Dust: But that's illegal.

Husk: ...

Angel Dust: I'm just fucking with you.

Angel Dust: I'm in.

Cherri Bomb: I'm in, too. I heard the word "illegal."