[alampnight]

vent blog side blog guys!!!

main is @triskeli . i use he/him , u can call me lamp lol . i’m gonna be venting here - mostly about csa. please don’t dm unless you ask first; if i don’t know you well enough ill probably assume you’re a creep and block.

u can filter my tags for triggers!! i use trigger tags like : #tw abuse, #tw csa, #tw unreality. there’s a tw in front :] my personal posts are tagged #lamplight

[columbariumdoll]

[glittergroovy]

angels of porn ii - nicole dollanganger

[buck-forever]

[nuda-nudissima]

mysterious skin x blythe baird

[alampnight]

i wonder if they know when they look at me, all the gross things ive done and said, . i neber want to be that kid again .i never want to be alone again.

[alampnight]

you are gross and perverse and youll always remember what happened to you, when youre alone at night as your parents sleep, you will always remember what you did

[alampnight]

sorry i haven’t been posting much i’ve been. trying to distract myself and yet i still think of it so much of all of it . too tired to process and im just tried

[andreweatspussy111]

There’s a pain inside that’ll never go away but it’s whatever

[alampnight]

just heard a phone recording of her i need to kill myself #killmyself

[alampnight]

the entire time i was scared of burdening her with my problems, and she just kept telling me it was a gift and to tell her and it turns out this entire goddamn time i was right. it was burdening her .

[alampnight]

um so favorite girl and i dont rlly know if she broke up with me but

she started crying today and she told me it can't be like this

she said that i have no friends, im completely reliant on her, and she's scared to hurt me but she can't handle it, she's the only support system i have and it's killing her and she doesn't want to leave me because she still cares for me

she said that i mention my rape so often and it kills her but i can't tell anyone but her and she knows that and she doesn't know what to do

and she knows the meds and schizophrenia makes it difficult but it's killing her and she has her own stuff and it's she's only kept encouraging me to keep telling her stuff and venting because she was afraid of telling me no, that she can't handle it. she said a lot more

i told her i had to hang up to think and she cried more and told me not to do anything drastic and kill myself

and i asked her why she thought i was going to kill myself, and she said 'if i was in your situation, i would'

i rlly just. and she's right. for all of it she's right and it's my fault and i hurt the person i loved the most. i’m pathetic . it’s the fucking meds i think they make everything numb i shouldn’t have let it get this bad . i can’t believe i let this happen . i’m so angry and not even at her, i love her to fucking death ,

nd she told me it was the trip, the stupid fucking trip to chicago i fucking loved that made her realize this , that this was unhealthy, that it was bad.

i feel so fucking sad

[alampnight]

guys (my zero followers) what is an irl kin it’s the first time i’ve ever heard of this as a schizophrenic…. ppl say it’s related to psychosis but ive never heard of this . Someone explain is it based on medical stuff does it actually happen

[gothhabiba]

you tell people one time that you regularly hallucinate and from then on every single time you see anything so unusual as a spider it's all "are you sure you didn't hallucinate it." well in point of fact no I'm not. how on earth would I be able to tell that.

[alampnight]

i saw a hallucinati n of my broth r in th kitch en and i walked out and saw my brother walking towards me in different clothes and turns out i saw a hallucination of him . i hate this

[alampnight]

hey guys should i kill my self i mean hey guys should i kill myself i mean hey guys

[alampnight]

i’m scared and sad and i’m worried my parents aren’t my parents and i want to cuddle with them but what if they’re not my parents? i feel sad