Alan Haider Poetry

Alan Haider is an American poet. His work has appeared in print publications including The Main Street Rag, Sierra Nevada Review, and Petrichor Machine.

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SALESMAN by Alan Haider originally appeared in The Main Street Rag, 2013

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MULTIPLE CHOICE COSTUME SHORTAGE by Alan Haider originally appeared in Sierra Nevada Review, 2013

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I NEVER WANTED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT by Alan Haider originally appeared in North Dakota Quarterly, Spring/Summer 2019

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TAKE ME OFF THE TABLE and THEY HELD A TRIAL both by Alan Haider originally appeared in Petrichor Machine, issue number four

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TINY SALVATION by Alan Haider originally appeared in Perceptions Magazine of the Arts 13

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VIRTUAL VACATION by Alan Haider originally appeared in Dunes Review, Winter/Spring 2019

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AUDITOR

I’m short but I’m not a little person/ not that there is anything wrong with being a little person/ I guess everyone has to be someone/ or something

I heard of a woman who fell in love with a bridge/ or was it a wall/ there is a word that comes to mind/ objectophilia if that is fine

Whom am I to judge/ Aspergers obsessive compulsive/ diagnose me/ don’t leave it up to let’s see

I don’t consider myself a victim/ or a victimizer/ I am someone who knows a kind word when I see one/ but they are seldom heard

Poems are better left to text/ spoken words depend too much on dialect/ diets to me are diametric/ I eat too many feet not to feel electric

Calm my mind/ steady my hand/ I am ready/ to be the man

I’ve spent too much time/ spent too much time in my own brain/ I don’t like to leave my dwelling/ reading tax reports isn’t always telling

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DREAM COAT

Stolen time/ years waiting in line/ I’m finally glad to be alive

My password is reset/ feeling alive changes the precept/ working on yourself is always a safe bet

Joseph was a shepherd/ my robes are not multicolored/ my dreams are not to be bothered

Send me to Egypt for pyramids I’ll rob/ who tends the flock while I’m gone/ isn’t that the minister’s job

I’ll have my words with the Pharaoh/ don’t trust that my prophecy won’t show/ famine in futures with pure snow

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BEAM PART 1

Time dilation tells us that at tremendous speeds time slows down to make up for the extra distance light must travel ahead to maintain a constant speed. At the speed of light, an instant is preserved for an eternity, traveling across the universe and arriving at infinity unchanged from the moment it was generated. As was that moment we focused on the planet to see them looking back. Only at forty five light years away—forty five years ago, already looking at us.

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SYRIAN RESPIRATORS

Duct tape the plastic over the hole/ she's my shower cap/ soap scum soap baskets slippery soles/ I'm a parsnip if they snip the wrong code/ organic is digital/ which whole/ farm fresh threshed wreck from packed bowls/ serve me the iced Moët if the Dom's sold/ breathe in when the bombs fall/ children sleeping when God calls/ hospitals sighing with concrete lungs counting time while the whine stalls/ explosions screaming a mind cull/ choking the bulls on their tongues

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NINE MILLIMETER ENEMA

Shit for brains eat the tapeworm/ tape the lost weight/ feel pretty for the gram/ lose the taped waste/ worm the bird's beak/ trip the light piqued/ I've only gained/ the weakness comes/ she comes/ drink poison to feel/ sick's the right trick/ till the worm's dead/ shut off the light switch/ the screw's loose/ shoot the whom's who's in my head/

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CORPSE SE CORP

No more poetry/ no more words that save lives/ no more poetry/ trust the white man's lies/ work for a chance to work/ sell more than just your time/ no more poetry/ when I'm dead just close my eyes

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CHILDREN OF WARTIME

Demonstrate demonstrable logic/ teeth to bite/ shoes to kick/ throw flowers in the graves while they're alive so they can smell them/ throw gasoline on the records before you sell them/ tiny briquette of charcoal/ trickiest question to mull over/ idle like an engine/ still alive/ dry eyes/ street signs bend to greet you/ we surmise blizzards outside even while we watch ibises fly

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EGG WASH

Quote me/ coat me in flour/ fry me a quarter hour/ my hair couldn’t get any greasier/ questions don’t get any easier/ asking for yeses and nos/ wearing outdated clothes/ I remember dipping my hands in the oil/ spoiling the milk/ I never wore silk in Florida/ except as a necktie/ when I die/ no need to bury me/ my body becomes incendiary/ ask reporters to stay away/ funeral pyre/ purifier of flame/ realize that life’s not a game you can win/ sin just to pass the time/ rhyme banned incandescent bulbs like white light was a crime

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VISITING THE MOMA ON MY PHONE

Tiny window to other worlds/ coalescing like cheese curds/ violet light in my retina triggers impulses/ optic nerve message crosses/ mix ups make mash ups of Picasso & Jim Dine/ painting grotesque hookers' hearts in my eyes/ trade my dissenting love's ideas of fear for color pictures I study for years

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LA SHEEN

Entangled in metal angles/ observing concrete angels/ seven feet tall to each inch/ seven inches in your tiny feet/ I let myself down/ fail/ failure spells an end as a beginning/ air fuel/ don't forget my past sinning/ trade failure for a life/ winning/

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BITING JIHAD

War is insurance/ spying on domestics/ giving inch over inch/ crying on test sticks/ I'm one in a thousand of six packs/ six shooters/ claim that/ paying taxes with thumbtacks/ I run like shit downhill/ soft cells rank with tainted love/ above streams of yellow gloves/ I cleaned the toilet/ girls still squat on the seat/ leaving urine you're in luck to concede/ health insurance I'm compelled to believe will eat the cost of commiserated disease