My World

- What if I fall ? - Oh, my darling. What if you fly ?

[lary-the-lizard]

Something that I love so much about Damen and Laurent’s love story is what Damen finds attractive about Laurent. SPOILER!!! So Laurent was abused sexually when he was 13-15ish and what men found attractive about him was his effeminate appearance. He also says that people had been interested him sexually for as long as he can remember which could go back to when he was 6 which is disgusting! When Damen first pursues Laurent, Laurent asks/says that Damen is pursuing him as man after a boy. But even in Damen’s head he is attracted to the masculine maturity of Laurent’s body. He likes Laurent’s muscles, pubic hair, the tendons of Laurent’s neck, and his voice. He likes Laurent’s self control, his intelligence, his self sufficiency, and protectiveness. These are all traits of maturity, of adulthood. Damen can’t even imagine Laurent as a child when he first starts to be interested in Laurent. He for sure notices the “effeminate” traits of Laurent’s physical appearance but he doesn’t trace them back to boyhood or childlike innocence or even really think of them as weaknesses because he doesn’t think of Laurent as a sexual exploit or fetish or even someone to conquer. Which is so fucking beautiful and healing for Laurent!! Like! Damen didn’t even tell Laurent that he was attractive until Laurent could be sure that Damen was attracted to Laurent as an equal adult peer. And Laurent had every reason to fear that Damen was looking at him as his junior as Damen is 6 years older than him but instead Damen RESPECTS Laurent and is IMPRESSED by Laurent and SHOWS THIS by giving Laurent the space to not only make his own decisions but handle difficult tasks. Damen doesn’t take over or try to guide Laurent unless Laurent asks him to or Damen KNOWS Laurent NEEDS his help. Like!! Laurent is inexperienced in some areas but instead of it being turned into some innocent, purity, and childlike thing DAMEN ALSO feels the anxiety of the moment and he doesn’t guide Laurent through it, they go through it together AS EQUALS! Laurent is a man who happens to be pretty but Pacat didn’t turn it into something that takes away from Laurent’s maturity or masculinity. In the books you can tell that Laurent has fears about people perceiving him as innocent, young, or womanly but the books never turn him into something that any of that while also showing us why those anxieties are there.

All that said, Laurent is pale, golden blond, and blue eyed and just twenty in the books but he’s not boyish, fragile, petite, or having a feminine build. He’s a man.

Okay thanks

[lamenrising]

damen truly give zero fucks when it comes to angering laurent like everyone else will be shitting themselves under that cold blue glare meanwhile damen will look at laurent straight in the eye and ask him 'are you done bitching?'

[captiveprince-princesslaurent]

I like the thought that every time Laurent is pissed off with Damen, he calls him “Damianos”. And then Damen knows exactly to stay away for a few hours.

Probably like this:

Laurent: *shouting from somewhere* DAMIANOS!!! Damen: Hey, Nik, lets go on a hunting trip for a few days… And Nik is just like: What have you done this time? Do I wanna know?

[everyforkedroad]

Laurent and the dream of rescue

*spoilers ahead for King's Rising*

In King's Rising, we only get one chapter and one section of a chapter in Laurent's POV. But what we get is significant to understanding his character. The passage in Chapter 2, when he realizes he is locked in a dungeon with Govart, always gets me. It reveals the mindset Laurent has had to develop after Auguste died and he found himself in the hands of his Uncle. How many times did he wish for someone to help him, and how many times did he have to suffocate that hope because he was truly and utterly alone?

"A ludicrous boyish hope flared that someone would come to help him, and, carefully, he extinguished it. Since the age of thirteen, there had been no rescuer, for his brother was dead." (Chapter 2)

Laurent can't afford to trust anyone. He counts few as his allies and next to none as his confidante and friend. Laurent has developed the belief that he can't count on anyone but himself because no one is going to save him. Not against the power of the Regent, who has managed to turn everyone against him, a man who should have protected him but took advantage of him when he was the most vulnerable. A man who is now hell-bent on destroying him.

Therefore, it's no wonder that his feelings for Damen are so infuriating and disorienting because, of all the people who would show up for him and have his back, it had to be the very man who had precipitated catastrophic events that placed him in that helpless condition to begin with:

"I hated you," said Laurent. "i hated you so badly, I thought I'd choke on it. If my uncle hadn't stopped me, I would have killed you. And then you saved my life, and every time I needed you, you were there, and I hated you for that, too." (Chapter 12)

So it's significant that, when Laurent finally accepts his feelings for Damen, he is able to confess this vulnerability. Laurent, who is so used to doing everything alone, to fighting alone, admits how much it matters that Damen is willing to be by his side. We have to assume that by now, Laurent has come to terms with his plan to sacrifice himself on Damen's behalf, making the following words all the more poignant:

"I'm glad you're here," said Laurent. I always thought that I'd have to face my uncle alone."

He turned to look at Damen, and their eyes met.

"You're not alone," said Damen. (Chapter 15)

Fast forward to his sham trial. Imagine what it must mean for Laurent when, in his darkest hour, he believes he is near the end of his battles and sees himself finally, irrevocably entrapped by the Regent's plans and close to utter defeat, Damen appears like a mad dream, keeping his promise, his oath to him, as he always has:

"It was clear from the open look of horrified recognition on Laurent's face that he had not expected Damen - that he had not expected anyone." (Chapter 18)

Damen has not only come, but he has come to either save him, or die at his side, a devotion that no one but his brother has ever shown him. Laurent is horrified because he would have spared Damen this. He was willing to give his life up for Damen, not knowing that Damen was willing to do the same. When the Regent is finally defeated, the exchange below is even more telling, because, bound and held before the council in that hall in Ios, he truly did not believe anyone would come for him. He believed himself to be utterly alone.

"You came," said Laurent.

"You knew I would," said Damen.

Laurent, who has spent a life extinguishing every hope of a rescuer, of someone to help him, finds himself face-to-face with the one person who came through for him. The one person who would always have his back.

Because Damen gave his word. He promised Laurent he wouldn't face the Regent alone. And we know, by the end of the series, that Laurent will never fight another battle alone again.

[ousia-poetica]

Don't worry if your life is in chaos, you are like the universe itself and its law of entropy. もの久保 on Pivix

[tls123]

people’s favorite the untamed scenes  —  for @torsamors

wangxian’s staircase love confession

[dammit-neal]

The Reunion

Rewatching ep 50 of The Untamed and there’s something I need to get off my chest.

When Wei Wuxian realizes that Lan Wangji saved Wen Yuan (Sizhui) I can only imagine the gratitude he must have felt in that moment. Allow me to explain:

In Wei Wuxian’s previous life, his biggest sacrifices,the reason why so much of his life went to hell was in order to save what was important to him–the innocent who couldn’t protect themselves. For this he broke promises to his family, destroyed his relationship with his brother, destroyed his reputation, turned to crafty tricks, couldn’t see his friends or Lan Zhan, missed pivotal milestones in his dear sister’s life–all this for that purpose. Wei Wuxian bonds with the remaining dregs of the Wens, forming a brother-sister relationship with Wen Qing, resurrecting Wen Ning (in a manner of speaking), and keeping a special eye on the only child with them–Wen Yuan. The child becomes practically his son–Wei Wuxian dotes on Wen Yuan, tries to make him happy, tries to eek out something of a normal childhood for him, playing with him and taking him to town. 

In the end, the Wens give themselves up to try and save Wei Wuxian. He goes after them in a move of utter desperation, leaving behind Wen Yuan who doesn’t belong on the battlegrounds. And Wei Wuxian doesn’t make it back. All is lost.

Wei Wuxian wakes up sixteen years later, and none of the things he sacrificed for are still there, or preserved or at all survived. All those years of torture and suffering and loneliness, and he has nothing to show for it. It’s still worth it, but it must leave a hollow ache.

And he meets Wen Ning. Weng Ning who he thought was dead, but had instead been essentially imprisoned in his own body, forced to do some villain’s dirty work. It’s great to see him again, but Wei Wuxian realizes the double edged sword he created with his goodwill. At this point, he has to wonder–would it have been better had Wen Ning been allowed to die a natural death instead of living as a weapon in the hands of whoever wields him? What if he’d never gotten involved? He will now protect Wen Ning with all the power he has, but he realizes that by turning Wen Ning into the ghost general, he’s placed a large burden on him. Wen Qing awaits in another world with the rest of the deceased Wen clan, and Wen Ning cannot join them.

As Wei Wuxian walks around the world in his second life, he bumps into all the trappings and memories of his childhood, all the had-beens and could-have-beens, learning the consequences of his actions to him and others. And what has he to show for it? Nothing. Everyone he sought to protect is dead or forever alone and at risk because of him. He has no legacy except as the Yiling Patriarch, who kills and manipulates corpses for fun. He sees the futures his contemporaries have carved out for themselves while he was absent–both while in the Burial Mounds and dead–and his hands are empty of anything but stuff–tricks and inventions. 

But there’s little time to dwell. Someone has taken hold of his inventions, his tricks, his amulet, and is using it to their own ends. Wei Wuxian is not one to dwell too much if he can help it, and jumps forward to solve the case with the one man who believes in him–of all poeple, Lan Wangji, who it seemed had no patience for him as a fellow student, yet became his friend, and later a witness to what he had built in the Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji who built the beginnings of a connection with Wen Yuan. 

The mystery is solved, the villain defeated. Wei Wuxian can move forward with Lan Wangji at his side, his tragic past laid to rest. All his efforts, all his sacrifices, and the best he can say for them is that they are finally neatly tied up where they can’t hurt people anymore. Wen Ning is ready to live whatever life a fierce corpse can pull together, and Wei Wuxian looks to a future that is haunted by the ghosts of the people he failed to save and a child that never grew up. All he had done, rendered to little more than damage he had to clean.

But Sizhui has been having a journey of self discovery. His long forgotten childhood memories stirred by the presence of the recently resurrected Wei Wuxian and the eerily familiar Wen Ning. The one he could ask all these questions to–Lan Wangji, his father and brother figure–is busy with said resurrected troublemaker solving a case. It takes time for him to ascerain what it is he’s forgotten, and he picks up the clues he needs as he goes along, with help from Wen Ning, who sees the truth. As soon as the ashes of Jin Guangyao’s last fight settle, he runs after Wei Wuxian to confirm.

And what is Wei Wuxian to do except be shocked? What else can he do except sweep Lan Sizhui into a hug and cry at everything he has lost and found? And when he realizes that it’s the love of his life who saved Sizhui–who remembered a small child left behind in Burial Mounds who would need looking after once Wei Wuxian couldn’t do it any longer–his heart must have been full. His sacrifices, his new bonds in the fragile existence of the Burial Mounds, his seemingly reckless severing of all connection, all respect, his life as one of the finest cultivators… It meant something. The little boy who would have died without anyone to notice had he chosen not to act was now a young man in his arms, thanking him for going to the trouble, for making the effort, for suffering so that he could live through childhood… And Wen Ning wasn’t alone anymore, he now had a family to protect, and the small defenseless child that Wei Wuxian had taken time to play puppets with was now a capable, trained, kind cultivator, ready to redeem his family name. 

In saving Sizhui, Lan Wangji didn’t just save the closest thing Wei Wuxian had to a son, he saved his legacy.

[felicitatem]

Love and Lan Sizhui: A Meta

Can we talk more about how Lan Zhan wholly raised Lan Sizhui as his own son, allowing him to wear the special embroidered Gusu ribbon reserved only for those who were actually blood relatives of the sect? That Lan Sizhui’s name literally means “to yearn” in Chinese? That Lan Sizhui was so important to Lan Zhan that even Lan Qiren didn’t dare or bother to protest?

We all know that Lan Zhan exhibits his emotions primarily through action rather than words, which is why I feel like to understand the depth of his love, we need to look at Lan Sizhui, formerly A-yuan. I believe Lan Sizhui is the loudest testament of Lan Zhan’s love to Wei Wuxian. 

Lan Sizhui is the living embodiment of the reason why Lan Zhan probably felt so deeply about Wei Wuxian. Lan Sizhui is a reminder to Lan Zhan of Wei Wuxian’s unconditional kindness towards others and the brief pockets of happiness that Lan Zhan was able to share with Wei Wuxian while he was alive. In the same way that Lan Zhan kept jugs of Emperor’s Smile in his room and permanently scarred his chest, Lan Zhan shows an obvious desperation to hold onto anything that reminds him of Wei Wuxian, and Lan Sizhui is no exception. I feel like Lan Zhan protected, loved, and took care of Lan Sizhui in the same way he wish he could’ve done so with the man he loved most. 

And Lan Zhan did a damn good job. 

Despite the wounds from the 33 lashes that incapacitated him and grieving the loss of Wei Wuxian, Lan Sizhui is shown to have been raised with nothing less than great love and care from the start, which is portrayed through his sunny disposition and well-honed skills as a disciple. Come on, Lan Zhan canonically buried his son in a pile of rabbits to entertain him. I’m also certain that Lan Zhan instilled in his son what he admired in Wei Wuxian, which is shown through Lan Sizhui’s loyalty, kindness, and unique sense of intellectual and emotional independence. I firmly believe that these traits are the result of exemplary parenting and dedication on Lan Zhan’s part.

All said, I get emotional talking about Lan Sizhui because to me, even more so than actual confessions or steamy love scenes, Lan Sizhui is the greatest display of Lan Zhan’s unconditional and selfless love for Wei Wuxian. Lan Sizhui’s sustained existence in the Gusu Lan sect is a deafening reminder that Lan Zhan is not only willing to engage in temporary acts of rebellion for Wei Wuxian, but he is willing to rebel against the wishes and traditions of his sect for as long as it takes. 

[gusubunnies]

lan jingyi is literally insane first he lansplains zidian directly to sect leader jiang cheng’s face and nearly makes him cry in a 20 second argument by saying you killed your martial brother stupid, then he gets in another fight with another sect leader in the middle of a corpse invasion just so he can roast su she for being a tacky knockoff in front of a jury of his peers.  if lan jingyi found reason to beef with a god he would not hesitate.

[yaoi-blcd]

Old Xian update of [19 Days] translated by Yaoi-BLCD. Join us on the yaoi-blcd scanlation team discord chatroom or 19 days fan chatroom!

Previously, 1-177/ /178/ /179/ /180/ /181/ /182/ /183/ /184/ /185/ /186/ /187/ /188/ /189/ /190/ /191/ /192/ /193/ /194/ /195/ /196/ /197/ /198/ /199/ /200/ /201/ /202/ /203/ /204/ /205/ /206/ /207/ /208/ /209/ /210/ /211/ /212/ /213/ /214/ /215/ /216/ /217/ /218/ /219/ /220/ /221/ /222/ /223/ /224a/ /224b/ /225/ /226/ /227/ /228/ /229/ /230/ /231/ /232/ /233/ /234/ /235/ /236/ /237/ /238/ /239/ /240/ /241/ /242/ /243/ /244/ /245/ /246/ /247/ /248/ /249/ /250/ /251/ /252/ /253/ /254/ /255/ /256/ /257/ /258/ /259/ /260/ /261/ /262/ /263/ /264/ /265/ /266/ /267/ /268/ /269/ /270/ /271a/ /271b/ /272/ /273/ /274/ /275a/ /275b/ 276/ /277/ /278/ /279/ /280/ /281/ /282/ /283/ /284/ /285/ /286*/ /287/ /288/ /289/ /290/ /291/ /292/ /293/ /294/ /295/ /296/ /297/ /298/ /299/ /300*/ 301/ /302*/ /303/ /304/ /305/ /306/ /307/ /308*/ /309/ /310/ /311/ /312*/ /313a/ /313b/ /314/ /315/ /316a+b/ /317/ /318/ /319/ /320/ /321/ /322/ /323/ /324/ /325/ /326/ /327/ /328/ /329/ /330/ /331/ /332/ /333*/ /334/ /335/ /336/ /337*/ /next/

[love2bfit]

I love this.

[bookmqrk]

do you still say reading is one of your favorite activities/hobbies even though you haven’t actually read in months but you used to read like a book a day when you were younger so much so that it became a personality trait and now you for some reason cannot for the life of you make yourself read but you’re still emotionally attached to that part of you and hope by speaking it into existence you’ll someday rediscover that happy version of yourself or are you normal?

[yaoi-blcd]

Old Xian update of [19 Days] translated by Yaoi-BLCD. Join us on the yaoi-blcd scanlation team discord chatroom or 19 days fan chatroom!

Previously, 1-177/ /178/ /179/ /180/ /181/ /182/ /183/ /184/ /185/ /186/ /187/ /188/ /189/ /190/ /191/ /192/ /193/ /194/ /195/ /196/ /197/ /198/ /199/ /200/ /201/ /202/ /203/ /204/ /205/ /206/ /207/ /208/ /209/ /210/ /211/ /212/ /213/ /214/ /215/ /216/ /217/ /218/ /219/ /220/ /221/ /222/ /223/ /224a/ /224b/ /225/ /226/ /227/ /228/ /229/ /230/ /231/ /232/ /233/ /234/ /235/ /236/ /237/ /238/ /239/ /240/ /241/ /242/ /243/ /244/ /245/ /246/ /247/ /248/ /249/ /250/ /251/ /252/ /253/ /254/ /255/ /256/ /257/ /258/ /259/ /260/ /261/ /262/ /263/ /264/ /265/ /266/ /267/ /268/ /269/ /270/ /271a/ /271b/ /272/ /273/ /274/ /275a/ /275b/ 276/ /277/ /278/ /279/ /280/ /281/ /282/ /283/ /284/ /285/ /286*/ /287/ /288/ /289/ /290/ /291/ /292/ /293/ /294/ /295/ /296/ /297/ /298/ /299/ /300*/ 301/ /302*/ /303/ /304/ /305/ /306/ /307/ /308*/ /309/ /310/ /311/ /312*/ /313a/ /313b/ /314/ /315/ /316a+b/ /317/ /318/ /319/ /320/ /321/ /322/ /323/ /324/ /325/ /326/ /327/ /328/ /329/ /next/

[not-a-coral-snake]

Okay probably the last post about Torveld, but he serves a really interesting role in the narrative, in that he’s initially presented as a foil to Laurent, but ends up serving as more of a foil to Damen.

When Damen hears that Prince Torveld of Patras is coming to court, he describes him basically as everything a prince is meant to be, and accordingly everything Laurent is not. Torveld is well-respected, serious, while Laurent is spoiled and capricious. He’s an accomplished soldier who’s spent his life defending his country’s borders, doing the duty Laurent perpetually neglects. He’s someone Damen can trust to treat the slaves well, unlike the petty and cruel Veretians. His arrival at court serves as a reminder of how the world should be, in Damen’s eyes, and it drives Damen up a wall that Torveld, who is good and trustworthy and reliable, cannot see that Laurent is the opposite.

However, when Torveld enters the story again, at Ravenel in Prince’s Gambit, he know longer reminds Damen of how the world should work, but instead reminds him of how he, Damen, used to think the world should work. Damen has changed so much in the past few months, and Torveld has not. The things Damen once took for granted–slavery, for instance–now seem jarring. That afternoon, Damen helped Laurent take Ravenel in disguise and without bloodshed. That night, Damen will stand on the battlements and tell Laurent that he doesn’t want to be his father’s type of king. Torveld is still a good man, in Damen’s eyes, but now Damen knows there are other ways to be a good man. He does not want to be a king in his father’s mold, or a prince in Torveld’s. 

In the end, Torveld serves as a hypothesis of the sort of man Damen would have become if not for Kastor’s coup–generous and kind, a war hero, well-liked and well-respected, but still blind to deception, oblivious to cues that his flirtations and advances are unwanted, and disinclined to question the justice of war or slavery or any evil his society takes for granted.

[thewalkingnerd]

If you heard of writer's block, get ready for reader's block. You want to read. You have time. You know what to read; how have a pile of books ready to be read. You cannot sit still and focus enough to do so or you can't even open the book.

[laurents-laces]

I can't believe we never got to see anyone's reaction to sappy romantic Damen and Laurent other than Charls. If their flirting was that bad when they were supposed to be undercover, imagine how obnoxious they are in day to day life. "You do have nice eyes" and "you're not going to sit on my lap this time?" was their attempt at being subtle. At court I bet Laurent really does sit in Damen's lap.

[queenegeria]

I think the beauty of laurent and damen’s relationship isn’t just that damen treats laurent gently, but treats him like he’s capable of being gentle himself