the sound of letting go

[Text-Taylor] Maybe you are getting a cold because you have an attitude that I've never seen before.

[Text] I'm fine

[Text] Sorry. Didn't mean to give you an attitude. I'm just really tired

@soflylikeat-swift

[Text-Taylor] Why aren't you sleeping?

[Text] Because I'm not feeling great, Taylor. Maybe it's because I still have no idea when or if you're gonna be back from a trip I was already uncomfortable with you going on, but maybe it's just the damn stuffy nose that makes it incredibly hard to breath because I think I'm catching a cold.

[Text] Do you need me to ask again or did you purposefully ignore the question about how you are?

@soflylikeat-swift

[Text-Taylor] How are you?

[Text] Tired. I'm not sleeping well

[Text] How are you?

@soflylikeat-swift

[Text-Taylor] sounds about right

[Text] I think that's just what they do, cause chaos because it's fun to them lol

@soflylikeat-swift

[Text-Taylor] How are the kids

[Text] They're good. Slightly chaotic but I got them under control

@soflylikeat-swift

[Text-Taylor] I forgot to let you know i made it to aus safely

[Text] Glad you made it there safely

@soflylikeat-swift

#social media #atl forever tour

alexgaskarth: ice cream

#social media

jackbarakats

#face #rian

alexgaskarth: Blown away by all the love for the new tune. Thanks for supporting new music 🫶

#twitter

The woman knew that making the decision she did was going to be hard but she never imagined it would be this hard. She remembered everything she had given up. Every perfect memory with Chris, every future plan they had, every kiss and compliment and how she gave it up for broken promises, insecurities, misunderstanding and her brain would have kept going if he hadn't silenced it with his kiss. What was it about his kiss and his touch that made her incapable of making better decisions for herself? She kissed him back and let them have this moment. They did love each other, they were a family, and they had vowed themselves together until one of them died. "How about while I'm gone you do some research on couple therapists and find a few options you'd be comfortable with and when I get back we can call one together and set up and appointment?" she suggested when the kiss broke. She wanted him to know that she was focused on their relationship even if she was about to go see her ex fiance.

For the moment that they kissed, Alex could ignore the worries and concerns he had and he wondered if maybe that was a reason they had put so much focus on a physical relationship in the past, to drown out the thoughts for as long as they could. When the kiss broke, he sucked in a breath and then nodded slowly at her suggestion. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I'll find a few options we can look into when you're back." It was a flicker of hope that she offered, easing his worry the littlest bit though he still didn't like the idea of her flying across the world to see her ex, even if it was just for his daughter. He offered a smile, trying to push all these thoughts from his mind and he leaned in to press another soft kiss to her lips, that didn't last nearly as long as the first one did because little feet padding across the floor quickly caused him to pull away and turn towards the door, just in time to see Cory pop up in the door. "Mommy I can't find Yoda!" Alex smiled, this was the one stuffed animals the little boy had kept close for years. "You already have it on the farm," Alex told him as he pushed himself up off the bed.

prettylittlelucygoose

LucyHalePena: midnight walks

#twitter #twitter;prettylittlelucygoose

alexgaskarth: Those can be really nice

dailyalltimelow

Dailly All Time Low 23/?

#face

Taylor listened to him as he explained his feelings and while she was happy he was communicating with her and while she did feel bad she was making him feel uncomfortable, there was also a part of her that didn't care because he never cared how he was making her feel when he left. "I'm sorry that I keep leaving you in an uncomfortable state. I did almost chicken out. Not because I changed my mind but because I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to hurt him and so I kept pushing it until tomorrow until that day I couldn't sleep and went to rest with you. I didn't make this decision lightly and I didn't make it just so I could try to undo it. If you trust me then you have to actually trust me and believe that no matter what I'm feeling or doing or saying in an emotional moment that I'm always going to come back to you. I don't have any intentions to walk away from you. I want to put the work in and see what happens and if at the end of therapy and this slow period we're supposed to be in if things aren't working then we part ways mutually this time knowing we gave it every chance we could. If we're actually meant to be then decades from now this will be a blip in our story and if not then at least we can finalize this once and for all. I'm not saying that's the outcome I'm expecting but I want you to know I'm being logical about this. We run in feelings first all the time and end up hurt." She paused and took his hand, "I'm not leaving you to go get him back. I'm not going to do something behind your back. I'm going to talk to a little girl whose heart I broke and I can't live with myself until I give her a hug and do something to make it up to her. If you don't understand that at my core that's who I am as a person then we need to go back to the very beginning and really learn about each other."

In the past, his lack of voicing his thoughts and feelings had often caused that urge to walk away in him. He was trying to do better now so he almost felt like he rambled on trying to explain his feelings. He nodded slowly at Taylor's reply. He did trust her, he knew she meant it when she said she wanted to try again with him but somehow the thought of her being halfway across the world with her ex while he was here waiting with their boys triggered an uncomfortableness in him he couldn't fully ignore. Alex offered a small smile when she reached for his hand and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "No, I know," he finally said. He knew where she was coming from trying to comfort the little girl. It just was who she was. It was the circumstances around it that bothered him. Alex gave her hand another squeeze and then he took in a breathe. Reaching up, he cupped her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. He wasn't fully sure why, maybe he just needed to feel she was there with him now, maybe it was the fact that they did always feel this physical connection, or maybe he just wanted to have something to remember and for her to remember while she was off.

"If I didn't want to see you then I would have said that but I did want to see you and the kids before I left since I don't know how long I'll be gone for." She explained and finished packing her bag. She closed it up and moved it over by the door and then went back to sit on the bed. A month ago she felt like she was thriving and now she felt like she had taken a few steps back. "I'm sorry if I'm making you unhappy."

Something inside of him clenched at her words. He hated that she was going to go, but he knew there was no point in trying to stop her anymore. She was so set on it, anything said about it would just cause a fight. That didn't mean it didn't bother him not even knowing how long she was going to be gone. He watched her silently as she finished packing and then put the bag down by the door. "You're not making me unhappy," he murmured, shifting on his feet and then deciding to walk over and sitting down beside her. "Uncomfortable.. maybe." He fidgeted with his fingers a little. "On that first day of vacation, when you came to drop the boys off, you were right there ans I didn't want to let you go but then you went to be with him for days and I was just stuck waiting. I was trying to have a good time there, but I was constantly wondering when you'd come back, if you changed your mind.. what you were doing with him," Alex said softly. "And don't... don't tell me because I don't want to know, it just feels kind of like that right now and I'm terrified you're gonna change your mind about the decision you made. Because I don't.." He paused, "I don't want to lose you again."

Taylor continued folding clothes and getting them in her suitcase. When she was done she started packing a couple different shoe options and then her toiletries. "They can't take everything over there. They know that. We have things at Mommy's house and things at Daddy's house." and that's how it had been for the last couple of years. "If they lose something over there I don't want to hear them crying about it next time they're here." Taylor was in a bad mood, which was really unlike her, but she couldn't control it.

"Obviously I'm not gonna let them take everything," Alex said. He furrowed his brows momentarily, watching her move about like he wasn't even there. "You could have said you don't want to see me before leaving," he said after staying quiet for a moment. He could tell she was in a mood, he couldn't quite put where it was coming from though. He wasn't really sure if it was a good idea to be here before she went to do something he still didn't think was a good thing to be doing, but he also didn't want her to fly off without seeing each other.