her laughter was equally sweet and unexpected. slowly, very slowly, his eyes had adjusted to the blackness staining every corner of the cabin. atlas could make out the silhouettes of dusty shelves, leaves strewn across the floor, a broken pane in the window, but he couldn’t find a place for her laughter here. happy noises like hers did not belong in cabin as cursed as this one. this was a place of evil, of death and destruction, and yet he felt more safe here than he could remember feeling in ages. why? he couldn’t quite work it out. in a sense, he knew that it was because of her, but whether it was because of the way that she had protected him in the forest or the skill she’d shown while healing him, he couldn’t be sure. with that in mind, perhaps he was a damsel in distress. “oh do i?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in question. a faint smirk pulled across his lips. he doubted it, he was far too tattooed, too broad shouldered, to be compared to the dainty princesses that mundanes adored in picture books and movies. prince charming would surely be disappointed with the angry, bitter damsel. but if he had not been a damsel in distress, atlas had been a person in distress before. he’d been rescued by the very capable arthur rosedale from a dead mother and a dragon-like father, and was trained to fight his own battles. there, in the london institute, he had learned to slay his own demons. or he had until she’d come along.
“no.” he replied plainly. atlas wouldn’t have minded going back to arthur, with alexandra in tow, with a story of how he’d rescued her and had brought her back to the institute to receive her atonement. such a story would be entirely fabricated though, and atlas was not one to steal another’s victory. he would find his own success, he didn’t need to rob her. atlas chuckled briefly in response to her question. honestly, how could she ask a question like that with a straight face? of course he had mastered the art of deception. he wasn’t necessarily as skilled in it as his mother had been, he had never been as skillful with his words, but he was skilled enough to trick most. admittedly, rosedale was clever. he had known atlas since he was a child and had seen him grow into a bumbling child, tripping over himself when trying to lie, into the deceptive pain in the ass that he’d become. “arthur isn’t as easy to fool as most,” as her, he thought, “but there’s an art in telling just enough of a story.” the best lie wasn’t really a lie, it was simply the willful exclusion of certain facts. “it’ll go like this, we will tell him how many there were, how hard we fought, and that despite all odds we made it out relatively unscathed. if arthur presses me to be sure, i can tell him that it’s the truth. nothing but the truth.” he shrugged. “and if he asks how we won, you tell him whatever lie you need to get by, i’ll nod, and we ought to be able to get away with it.” the closer she stuck to the truth in the latter part, the easier it would be for him to agree if arthur asked, but he’d find a way to go along with what she said regardless.
she really would kill him. atlas closed his eyes and sighed. guilt tugged at his chest, a reminder of just who he’d left behind, but there was nothing he could do now. he’d acted recklessly, admittedly he’d done so to make sure that no one else was hurt, but he knew that angelique wouldn’t take well to his excuse. “yup. she’s definitely going to kill me,” he muttered. alexandra was right, fire messages were too dangerous at the time being, would likely summon the clave, but he still should find a way to pass the word on. he tried his damnedest to send his feeling of comfort, of relaxation, of peace over the parabatai bond, but if angelique was upset he had a feeling that she wouldn’t pay it much mind. such feelings could easily be attributed to the final moments of one’s life or some drug. “angelique has probably already forced a half dozen nelphim out of bed to help her hunt me down.” a faint, fond smile pulled at the corners of his lips. “if we’re not back by tomorrow, you’d better believe she’ll have an army.” all the better to kill him with, perhaps, but he was proud of her. there was something about her strength, about her unwillingness to take no for an answer, that made atlas love her all the more. he had always loved strong people, people that wouldn’t back down from a fight, and his parabatai was fearless.
“you won’t invade my personal space?” he raised an eyebrow questioningly. “in that bed? little as you are, i find it hard to believe that you and i wouldn’t have to get rather… personal.” admittedly, things had gotten a bit personal here on the ground as well. her fingers grazed the skin that had been wounded just moments before, the other hand touched on his, and he found it rather difficult to meet her gaze. this situation was beginning to feel a bit too intimate. here they were, in the middle of a grand forest, in a little cabin with a single bed. “why don’t you go sleep up there if you’re so adamant about it? i’m quite sure, given our history, that you don’t want me in the same bed as you.” that much he was fairly sure of. or was he? she couldn’t seem to keep her hands off of him at present, and he would have been lying if he said he didn’t like the feeling. atlas frowned at himself. what was wrong with him? he should have left her dead here in the forest. let the wolves, or the renegade, or whatever other beasts lived out there swallow her whole. instead, he was trying to decide whether he ought to crawl into bed beside her. truly, he’d have thought himself mad if he’d tried to explain this situation to himself a week ago. “i am perfectly fine right here. if you feel charitable, you’re welcome to pass down a blanket, but i assure you that i’ve slept on far dirtier floors in colder places. i have no interest in sleeping on that musty old thing anyway.” atlas wrinkled his nose. what a foolish conversation to have with someone that he considered his enemy, or someone that he had considered his enemy, or… whatever the hell she was. he blew out an annoyed breath. things had become muddled in his mind, and despite his best attempts to blame it on the loss of blood, he knew that there was something deeper. blood, be it the loss of blood or his bloodline, wasn’t the reason that their hands rested together on the floor, or why he let her touch the smooth skin where there should have been an ugly wound.
he listened quietly as she explained the damage that her father had done to their family, and decided quietly that it must have been a trait inherent in fathers. her father and his, both wanted to be sure that their family names remained honorable and proud. in her case, that meant that she had to be strong, and in his it meant that he shouldn’t have bothered breathing. a faint crease formed between his brows. “no, of course i know that,” he replied softly, “there is no perfect family, but…” atlas had started, but he didn’t dare finish his thought. wasn’t having a family at all better than being without one? even if his parents had driven him half mad, had fought with him or pressured him to be better, he felt that it would be better than the nothingness he’d had. but then, he thought, it was easy to idealize something that he’d never had. his lips twitched slightly to one side, pursing, and he managed to glance at her briefly. just as he’d started to say something however, started to try to form some apology for what she’d been through, he thought of his parabatai. alexandra had always managed to get out of trouble because of her family’s status in the new york institute. whether she’d had a hard family life or not, she certainly had perks. his gaze fell. he couldn’t manage an apology. instead, he squeezed her hand back slightly and let his head rest one one of his own shoulders. “i don’t know if i will ever understand families. perfect or imperfect, they’re a bloody mystery to me.” he’d never find out. his family was dead, or dead to him, and he didn’t see much point in having a family of his own. even if he found someone, fathers always disappointed. he didn’t want to disappoint anyone else.
atlas paused briefly, considering his parent’s words. strange, she seemed to know something more about her bloodline than she’d let on previously. “you think there’s more?” he asked curiously. as far as he was concerned, he could feel what she was, but he hadn’t the slightest idea what she could do. if she said that she could sprout wings, he’d have to believe her until he was proven wrong. “how could you possibly know?” he huffed. “moments ago you didn’t believe that you have angel’s blood, and now you claim that there’s more to your abilities.” it was all he could do to stop himself from claiming that he just realized that he could make portals and that he was actually immortal. perhaps if he could lie, his blood didn’t take well to sarcasm. as for whether or not it would trigger if she found herself in trouble again, he thought that she should be able to find answers to that. “you said it happened to you before, didn’t you?” he asked. “there must be something similar between that time and this one, some sort of common thread. it could be as simple as your life being at risk, i suppose, but learning why it happens is important.” first, so she knew whether or not it would activate in certain situations, and second, it would very likely help her control her inherent abilities.
“you really don’t remember?” in truth, it seemed hard to believe. she had been so present, so powerful, that he figured she’d remember it better. instead, she seemed entirely blank. had that person even been her? “you started to glow.” he’d murmured something that only the soon to be dead would ever think to say, that they would be alright, and she’d changed. “it was bright, so bright.” honestly, it had been hard to see. she’d moved so quickly, so gracefully, so brightly, that it was like trying to watch the sun move against the sky. his eyes had struggled to adjust. “you broke the chains like they were nothing, and then you attacked them. it was so fast, i don’t think any of them had time to be afraid.” he hoped that this might comfort her, might help her see that their deaths had been quick and relative painless. “the man that had me didn’t even have a chance to react by the time you’d found us and then you were fucking running away.” he shot her a look. he still wasn’t particularly thrilled with her for doing so, but it was hard to stay angry with her after all she had done for him. there was more, more detail, more that he could tell, but he didn’t think that more information about how she’d killed their enemies would be particularly helpful or welcome given just how unsettled she seemed about herself.
she had to be ordinary. he frowned. she was incredibly powerful, in part because of the training she’d done, but also because of this blood running through her veins, and yet she didn’t want it. for some reason that he couldn’t quite explain, it stung. it wasn’t as if he was an angel, that they shared some common bloodline that she’d thrown away, but he still found himself a bit taken aback. one couldn’t be talented if they were of mixed heritage. so what was he? atlas shrugged. “you are privileged.” he reminded her curtly. “because of your blood, but not necessarily the angel blood. you’re a skycrest.” atlas shook his head. “you can still be great. what does your blood matter if you use it to help the institute? if you use it to protect people? that’s what nelphim are meant to do. if you are more effective because of your name or your blood or your weapon, what does it matter?” a hero didn’t have to be regular to be a hero. he frowned. or maybe he was making excuses for himself. he wanted to be someone proud and powerful, someone that others envied or aspired to be, and he couldn’t be if his heritage negated that. he felt frustrated with her as much as he did with himself. sometimes, as she’d said, he would have just liked to be ordinary. an ordinary family, ordinary blood, and he would have all of the benefits that came with it. not a perfect life, but maybe a peaceful one.
he was a warrior, harsh and biting, but oh how he longed for a tender touch. much as he felt frustrated with her, and that he’d disliked her before, atlas found himself giving into her now. where her touch had first startled him, it was calming now. he didn’t want her to leave him. those warm fingers peace and security, if only for a brief moment. so he’d asked her to stay. it was silly, he shouldn’t have asked, but rather than laugh at him, she did. what came as more of a surprise was the way that her head tucked against his chest. he blinked down at her, unsure and surprised by the sudden closeness, but after a moment he let himself relax. with slow grace, he lowered himself entirely to the floor and let the warmth of her body seep into him. he thought to say something, but what was there to say? it seemed that any move he made in this moment would end this and though he was still trying to figure out exactly what he thought of her, he had desperately missed tender touches like these. not romantic, but gentle. atlas let his eyes drift closed and let himself relax into her.
had someone told her a few days ago that she will find nothing but peace and quiet in the arms of a man she could never stand, alexandra would’ve punched that person in the face for making fun of her. who would’ve thought that they were going to get this close without having the desire to rip each other’s head off? she used to be so angry and unpredictable, just like a vulcano. things changed after the last attack on the institute, she felt so weak and vulnerable, all the anger she had before was now redirected to herself. just like some sort of natural disaster, alexandra switched from a volcanic eruption to a hurricane that destroyed everything that stood in her way, one that hurt people who tried to get too close. but as any other hurricane, she had to have an eye of the storm. strange as it might sound, something told her that she just found it and for the first time in her life, she was able to disconnect from the real world, even though she knew it would only last for a couple of seconds. there was no way she could explain the reason she felt so peaceful, all she knew was that there was something buried deep inside her, something that slowly tried to reach the surface. no, it can’t be. it has to be something about their blood that makes her feel like this. right? or at least, that’s what she kept on telling herself. “maybe a little. don’t you think?” coming back to her senses, she replied teasingly. how odd, this was not the place for two people to bond, nor to joke around yet somehow, it did happen. atlas was far from being a damsel in distress, or so she thought. ever since she came to london, she felt like she ought to be better than him but she usually failed. as far as she was concerned, atlas portrayed the man who knew the law by heart, believed in it and followed it. his training technique was perfect, his record was great, everything about him pointed out that he was worthy of being an elite shadowhunter. however, things were different when it came to her. she would never go by anyone’s rules, she would break them for her own amusement. she was a skilled fighter but her defense had never been great. she always got herself in trouble, no matter what. she could never stay away from it. her parents tried so hard to raise a perfect child and ended up sharing their mansion with a troublemaker. alexandra was proud of herself, her wild spirit was everything she had but she knew she had to work harder to achieve her lifetimegoal, to become a legendary shadowhunter. her newest power could get problematic, she had to learn how to use it as fast as possible, otherwise it might drag her down.
“i’m no hero, atlas. i have no intention in telling this story to a large number of people,” she admitted. “i know how smart arthur is. he will probably figure out we are not telling the entire truth but i don’t think that he won’t ask for more information as long as he is convinced that the details we left out won’t affect anyone.” she agreed to his plan, despite not being used to agreeing with him. it was actually a good idea. he would tell the truth and she’d come up with a beautiful lie that would only reassure arthur that everything is fine now. however, they needed a back-up plan. damn, she never had such a plan before but she couldn’t risk anything. not anymore. “in case this whole thing backfires at us, you can just tell people you made a blood promise to me. i don’t think they’d bug you after they find out you can’t talk about it. speaking of which, you are allowed to tell the truth in case your life is in danger. i don’t want you to die just because i’d rather not talk about how i ended up being born with angelic powers.” she knew that he will keep his word even though he gave her no reason to trust him by now. it was her instinct that told her she could rely on him.
a smile formed on her lips as she heard how protective angelique could be. it was probably nice to know somebody had your back no matter what. even though parabatai could turn against each other, it didn’t seem like something that was going to happen to angelique and atlas. she had peter and pandora but she had a habit of not letting anyone get too close. she couldn’t imagine letting someone see right through the walls she built around herself. these walls guarded her insecurities and deepest fears, things she tried to forget, things nobody is supposed to ever see. “hunt you down or come to your rescue?” she asked. she found it unexplainable how this cabin turned into a safe haven for both of them. it used to be such an evil place, it should’ve had a dark aura. instead, it was a hideout. to her, it felt like nobody could break in through the windows and the doors. it was just the two of them, in the middle of nowhere, finally finding a place to breathe. the eye of the storm. she was glad that her angel blood helped in speeding up his healing process, she felt incredibly guilty about that. alexandra started to miss her old life, the life she had only a month ago. everything seemed to be easier, she didn’t have many things to worry about. she could never go back to that. too many things changed and so did she. it seems like it only takes a second for a person to change their mind about everything. “we’ll return by tomorrow, don’t worry. i will personally explain the situation to her, if that’s what you want. i’m sorry you have to keep a secret from her. just give me some time to figure this entire thing out and i’ll let you tell her the whole story. it’s selfish to ask you to do this and i’ll try to solve it as soon as possible.”
“um..” she was ready to tell him that he was wrong but instead, her cheeks heated up and that rose color turned to a soft shade of red. there was no way they could share that bed without touching each other by accident. think straight, alexandra. you both need it, it’s not that much of a deal, she told herself. “it won’t be personal, trust me.” at least as long as none of them wishes it will. she had to find a way to convince him that the bed was a way better idea than the cold floor, they could both use a few minutes of napping on a mattress. “because i can’t let you sleep on the floor, that’s why. you might’ve slept in worse places than this one but this time you have an alternative. you said i don’t want you in the same bed i’m in but i’m perfectly fine with it as long as it means you get to complete the healing process. don’t even fight me on that, you know i’m right. you can’t be properly cured until you sleep and that doesn’t involve dirty, cold floors,” she pointed out, raising both of her eyebrows. he didn’t look her in the eye for some reason that was unknown to her but in spite of her rosy cheeks, alexandra’s eyes were following his. “besides, it’s not like i’m afraid of you. i’m sure you do know your limit. also, there’s no extra blanket so we have to share it.” she didn’t move at all. it felt like her hands belonged there, one intertwined with his and the other touching his skin. what an unexpected situation. they were supposed to hate each other, to want to ruin each other’s life but still, she didn’t hesitate to save him. somehow, it started to make sense. nothing happened until he was in clear danger and once that happened, the angelic part of herself came to save both of them and her memory went blank. maybe that’s why she woke up in his arms, maybe that’s why she was still in his arms right now. it felt right, it felt goddamn right. but there was a part of her that didn’t want to accept this explanation, a part of her that was still trying to fight all this.
a long sigh left alexandra’s lips as she slowly shook her head. “but what?” she pressed him to finish his sentence. “look, i might not know anything about your family but i do know mine. let me tell you one thing, it’s probably the only thing i am allowed to say anyway. it all starts in the family. if your parents are fucked up, you’ll be fucked up as well. you’re smart enough to make connections and understand the rest by yourself,” she said. why on earth did she say that? yes, she did have a fucked up family and they ruined her as well but she never said a thing to anyone else. people knew things weren’t as nice as they looked like but nobody heard alexandra ever confirming it. this time, she couldn’t blame it on the adrenaline, nor on how the yin fen was draining out of her body. her instincts told her that trusting him was the right decision but how could she be so sure of it? why would she feel like she could trust him? now that’s the part that didn’t make any sense to her. all it took was for one near-death experience and now she felt like she didn’t hate him anymore. but the real question is did she ever hate him or was it all just pretending? she didn’t have an answer to this question either, she could only add it to the list of things she needs to deal with later. things that should become a priority to her once she returns to london, otherwise they might become problematic and that was the last thing she needed. “yeah, families are mysteries but it’s better to leave them unsolved. it brings nothing but sorrow, pain. it’s not worth it.”
his words proved that he was just as confused as she was. how could you possibly know? that was the entire point of it, she didn’t know for sure but she felt it. she had to find a way to explain this to him without making herself seem crazy. “i really don’t know. that’s the thing about it, i don’t know. i just.. there’s something that tells me i can do more than i already did, as hard to imagine as it might be. see, i had no idea i could heal you faster but i felt like i could so i decided to give it a try. and it worked just fine. i just have to follow my instincts. i don’t understand it either, i don’t trust those instincts completely but they didn’t fail me by now,” she tried to make herself clear. “it was different back then. nothing happened. i was told that my runes glowed for a while but they faded out just as quick. i was dying, there’s no way i could pay attention to whatever was happening to my runes. i remember everything. but this time, it did trigger completely and i also lost a part of my memory. there has to be something else, my life being in danger can’t be the only thing to trigger this.. thing.” suddenly, this whole angel blood situation was giving her a headache.
she shook her head once again, eyes quickly moving away from his. she tried so hard to remember but she couldn’t do it. all she knew was that she woke up in his arms and everyone around them was dead. she panicked and ran away and then they found this cabin. the only thing she couldn’t remember was how did she break free from the chains and killed them all. she listened to his story and it did seem a little hard to believe but she knew it was the truth. that was one of the reasons why she won’t tell this story to anyone else, it didn’t sound real. “i’m sorry, i was fucking confused. think about it. the last thing i remembered was that you got stabbed and that i was in chains and in the next second, we were surrounded by dead bodies and i was hugging you. scary, i know.” but what was really scary was the way he talked about her. fast and lethal. her body wasn’t trained enough to do this and she didn’t feel sore at all. okay, she had to find some answers and there was no way people could find out about this. she’d become an experiment of the clave. no, no way.
“being a skycrest doesn’t bring that much pride nowadays as it used to. one of my relatives decided to play with my dna and once i find out who did this to me, it’s not going to end well. my angel blood won’t stop me from doing something only a devil would do. i might be privileged now, but this shouldn’t have happened. nobody should be allowed to mix up bloodlines, this is fucked up. it’s a serious problem if you think about it. i can’t be the only one born this way and don’t even tell my it just happened. somebody wanted this to happen.” the truth was painful to hear and what was even more painful to think about was that her father might be the one who decided to experiment with his own daughter. just the thought of it made her jaw clench in a matter of a few seconds and she probably squeezed his hand harder than she should have. however, she calmed down pretty quick. she couldn’t let him see how much this affected her. with every second that passed, there was a new problem that needed solving and somehow, all the problems were centered around her and her blood. great, just great. could this get any worse? “it just matters to me. of course i’m going to use this whole thing to help the institute but i’m not sure if i am the right person to possess such abilities. it might turn me into a villain rather than a hero.”
slowly, she used whatever power she had left to drag him closer by the hand, in an attempt to move him in bed. what she didn’t take into consideration was that he was so close right now that she forgot what she intended to do. atlas’ face was inches away from hers, he was close enough that she could feel him breathe. suddenly, she felt dizzy, but in a way she never did before. it was pleasant, magnetic. she was drawn to him, there was no way somebody could deny that, she couldn’t even keep her hands to herself. she didn’t want to. the hand that used to be placed where the scar of his wound should be was now lying on his bare chest. her heart was beating fast, almost as if it wanted to jump off her chest. there was this feeling of belonging she had. but that wasn’t enough said, she couldn’t find any words that could describe whatever she was feeling right now. all she knew was that it didn’t matter anymore, not as long as his arms were wrapped around her. this time, she found the strength to look in his eyes and she couldn’t help but wonder how could she not notice how hypnotic his mismatched eyes were before. it was hard to control herself, almost impossible. it was not like her to let herself driven by her instincts but it seemed like she couldn’t like her usual self whenever he was around. maybe it would be better for her to let go of her fears and ghosts for once, so she did. and that’s when she realized that it had been him all along. he found a way to dig up something she tried so hard to bury deep inside her. but she made her feel. as scary as it might be, she felt it. and once again, she was fearless.
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