Summary: After you befriend Damian Wayne, the 12 year old in your pre med class, you canât shake the feeling youâre constantly being watched. One night when you see him around Gothamâs favourite crime lord âRed Hoodâ everything changes.
Someone like u Pt2
Summary: Between medical debts, screaming babies and smashed car windows, newly single mother! Reader has hit her breaking point. It isnât until she meets the mysteriously handsome mechanic that her luck starts turning up.
Damian Wayne
Exchange student Damian
Damian in PE class
Damian reveals his identity to reader
Liability (Vigilante reader x Damian Wayne)
summary: After a mission with Damian Wayne goes side ways, and Damian ends up hypothermia vigilante reader decides the only way to save him is with body heat?
That's what you told yourself, in the beginning. When Bruce came home with reports about Gotham's crime rates spread across the dining table and his eyes passed over you like you were part of the furniture. When Dick ruffled your hair and said "Hey, squirt" on his way to somewhere more important. When Tim looked up from his laptop and said "Yeah, totally, I'll help you with that later" â and later never came.
You told yourself: they're busy. They're saving lives. You're not more important than Gotham.
You believed it for a long time.
---
You were six when Bruce found you.
Your mother was already gone by then â taken in a way that left marks on you that had nothing to do with bruises. You didn't understand all of it, not then. You just knew that the world was dark and cold and that sometimes men could do things that made you feel like you'd never be clean again, even when they hadn't touched you. You'd only watched. Hidden inside the closet, eye pressed to the crack in the door, too small and too terrified to make a sound.
That was your first fear: being trapped somewhere small and dark while something terrible happened and nobody came.
Bruce Wayne looked at you across a sterile hospital room and something moved behind his eyes â recognition, maybe. The shape of a child who had seen too much. He signed the papers three weeks later.
You had a home. You had a father. You had brothers.
For a while, you thought that meant you were safe.
---
Dick was twenty when you arrived, already Nightwing, already brilliant. He smiled at you like sunlight and called you little sister and the first time he did, your chest cracked open with something warm and desperate and enormous. You followed him everywhere. You learned his footsteps. You memorized the way he laughed.
He was kind to you. He just wasn't there. Not really. Not in the way that counted.
Dick existed in flashes â a weekend visit, a quick call, a laugh across the comms. He was the brother who said "I'm so proud of you" without asking what he was proud of. He saw the shape of you, the outline, and he loved that outline genuinely. He just never looked close enough to see what was inside it.
You stopped telling him things when you were nine. He always listened with one eye on his phone.
--
Tim was different. Tim noticed things â that was his whole thing, observation, deduction, detail. He noticed when Bruce's sleep patterns shifted. He noticed when Damian's training scores dropped two percent. He built files on everything.
He never built one on you.
Not because he didn't care. Because you were never a variable in any equation he was trying to solve. You were just... there. Present. Assumed. Like background noise that didn't require analysis.
You asked him once to help you with your combat assessment. You were twelve, newly suited up, still figuring out your footing. He said "Absolutely, let's do Tuesday." Tuesday came. He forgot. You reminded him. He said "Sorry, this week's bad, next week for sure." Next week came and went. You stopped asking after the fourth time.
What hurt wasn't the forgetting. It was that he never noticed he'd forgotten.
---
Jason.
Jason is a wound that never healed right.
Before he died, he was the one who saw you. Really saw you. He'd find you in the library at two in the morning when you couldn't sleep and he'd sit beside you without asking why, and somehow that was enough. He called you kid but it didn't feel dismissive â it felt like a claim. Like you're mine to look after.
He died when you were eight.
You grieved him in a way you didn't grieve your mother, because with your mother you'd been too small to understand permanence. With Jason you were old enough to know that gone meant gone. You put flowers outside his old room for a year. Bruce told you once, gently, to stop. It upset him.
You stopped.
Jason came back when you were thirteen, angry and sharp-edged and burning with something you didn't have a name for yet. You ran to him. You actually ran, across the cave, heart hammering, because he was alive, he was back, he wasâ
He stepped around you.
Not deliberately. Or maybe deliberately â you never knew. He looked at Bruce and the look between them was so full of history and fury and grief that there was simply no room for you in it. You stood there with your arms half-extended and slowly let them fall.
He never really came back. Not to you. The Jason who sat with you in libraries was buried in the pit somewhere. This Jason looked through you on a good day and said something cutting on a bad one â "Shouldn't you be in bed?" or "You're in the way" or once, terribly, "You're not actually his daughter, you know. You're just the latest project."
You didn't cry in front of him. You'd learned by then not to cry in front of any of them.
---
Damian arrived like a verdict.
He was Bruce's blood. His actual blood, and you understood immediately â with the cold clarity of a child who had learned to read rooms â what that meant for you. Not consciously. Bruce never said it. Nobody said it. But the shift was there, subtle and tectonic, and you felt it the way you felt changes in weather.
Damian didn't like you. He made that clear within the first week. "You were adopted out of pity," he told you, seven years old and vicious with inherited confidence. "I am a Wayne by birth. There is a difference."
You were thirteen. You already knew there was a difference. You just hadn't wanted to hear it said aloud.
You tried, for years, to reach him. You left his favorite tea outside his door. You covered for him with Bruce twice. Once, when he was injured on a mission and Bruce was unreachable, you sat with him in the med bay for four hours and held his hand when he was too delirious with painkillers to tell you to let go.
The next morning he told you to stay out of his room.
You did.
--
You became a vigilante at fifteen.
Bruce didn't exactly give you permission. You didn't exactly ask. You trained in the cave when nobody was there â which was often, because the cave was only crowded when there was something important happening, and you had learned you were rarely part of what was important. You built your own suit from components in the supply room that nobody had catalogued yet. You chose a name nobody had claimed.
Your first night out, you stopped a mugging and a convenience store robbery and helped a woman whose car had broken down on the highway find a signal to call for help. Small things. Unglamorous things.
You filed a report in the cave's system. Standard format, the way Tim had shown you once, two years ago, in a moment of actual attention. Case numbers. Location coordinates. Incident details.
Nobody responded.
You filed another one the next week. And the next.
After six months, you stopped filing reports. You just went out and came back and put your suit away and went to bed. Nobody asked where you'd been. Nobody noticed the mileage on the bike.
You had a symbol, a territory, a growing list of informants. You had a reputation in three of Gotham's worst districts. You had solved four cases that had gone cold in the GCPD for years.
The Batfamily did not know your case number. They did not know your informants' names. They did not know about the apartment you'd quietly rented in Crime Alley with the money from your trust fund â not to live in, just to have somewhere that was yours, somewhere your things weren't adjacent to theirs, somewhere you could breathe without waiting to be overlooked.
You were sixteen when you understood that you loved them and that loving them was making you disappear.
---
You tried, once, to say it.
Seventeen years old. Family dinner â one of the rare ones where everyone was present, even Jason, even Dick, even Alfred who watched everything with sad knowing eyes and sometimes touched your shoulder in a way that made you want to collapse.
Bruce was talking about a new lead on Scarecrow's operations. Dick was animated, leaning forward, offering tactical suggestions. Tim had his tablet out despite Alfred's pointed look. Jason was eating with the focused aggression he brought to everything. Damian was correcting Tim's analysis with the particular smugness of someone who knew he was right.
You had information. Relevant information â you'd spent three weeks building a profile on Scarecrow's new chemist, traced his supply chain to a warehouse in the Narrows. You had coordinates. You had a window.
You opened your mouth.
"I actually haveâ"
"The eastern route makes more sense," Dick said, talking over you without realizing it. "If we split the team intoâ"
You closed your mouth.
You sat there for the rest of dinner. You passed the bread when it was near you. You answered when Alfred asked if you wanted more water. Nobody else spoke to you directly.
After, you went to your room and sat on the floor with your back against the bed and breathed very carefully for a long time. Not crying. You'd mostly stopped crying by then. Just breathing. Waiting for the feeling to pass.
It passed. It always passed.
That was almost worse.
The accumulation of small things:
Tim promising to spar with you seventeen times over two years and canceling sixteen of them. The seventeenth time he simply didn't show up and when you asked later he said "Oh, was that today? Sorry, I had a thing."
Dick sending you a birthday message three days late with seventeen exclamation points, clearly composed in thirty seconds.
Bruce looking at your patrol report â one of the rare times he actually opened the file â and saying "Good work" with the tone of someone who had not actually read it.
Damian telling a visiting hero that there were "four" Batfamily members when you were standing six feet away.
Jason, once, when you were eighteen and tried to check if he was okay after a bad mission: "I don't need you to babysit me. Go back to playing house with Bruce."
The way none of them ever asked about your fear.
You'd mentioned it once, years ago, to Dick â that small spaces made you cold, that being trapped made your vision go white, that you'd had nightmares since you were six about a closet door and sounds you couldn't stop hearing. He'd said "Oh, that's rough, I'm sorry" and then his phone had rung and that was the end of it.
None of them knew. Not really. Not the shape of it, the weight of it, the way it lived in your chest like a stone.
---
You were nineteen when the Riddler's new syndicate took you.
It wasn't careless on your part. You'd been careful â you were always careful, you'd had to be, operating without a net, without backup, without anyone monitoring your comms. You'd tracked the syndicate for four months. You knew their patterns. You knew their safehouses.
What you didn't know was that they knew yours.
They'd been watching you watch them. Waiting. Patient in the way that only people with something to prove could be patient.
They took you on a Tuesday. Gray sky, cold rain. You were two blocks from your apartment in Crime Alley and then you weren't anywhere you recognized.
---
The room was small.
That was the first thing. That was the thing that split you open before anything else had even happened â the dimensions of it, the closeness of the walls, the single bare bulb, the door with no handle on the inside. The smell of damp concrete and something metallic.
You pressed your back against the wall and breathed.
They'll find me, you thought. They'll notice I'm gone. Bruce will pull up my trackerâ
Your tracker was in your suit. Your suit was in your apartment. You'd been taken in civilian clothes.
They'll notice I'm missing from the cave. Tim monitors the systemâ
Tim had not responded to a single report you'd filed in six months. The system showed your last check-in as four days ago.
Dick willâ
Dick didn't know your patrol schedule. Nobody did.
You sat in the small dark room and understood, with a clarity that was almost peaceful, that no one was coming.
Not because they didn't love you. Maybe they did, in the abstract, in the way you love furniture that's always been in a room. But love without attention was just sentiment. Sentiment didn't open doors.
---
They came eventually. Riddler's people, with questions you didn't answer and methods that made the room feel smaller. You held on to what you could. Your name. Your breathing. The memory of a library at two in the morning and a boy who sat beside you without asking why.
That Jason was gone. But the memory wasn't.
You held onto it.
On the third day you stopped counting hours. On the fifth day you stopped being surprised by the pain. Somewhere in there â you couldn't have said exactly when â you stopped waiting.
Not because you gave up, exactly. More because waiting required believing, and you had run out of the particular kind of belief that made waiting possible. You had spent thirteen years waiting to be seen. This was just the last version of the same thing.
You thought about your mother, in the end. Not the way it happened â you didn't let yourself go there. Just her face, which you barely remembered, which had mostly dissolved into impressions: something warm, something that smelled like cedar, something that had loved you before the world got its hands on you.
You thought: at least I know what that felt like.
The bulb flickered. The room was very small. The door did not open.
---
They found your apartment six weeks later.
Tim, actually â following a thread on a case that had nothing to do with you, a lead that happened to pass through Crime Alley and a building registry that happened to have your name on it. He stood in the doorway of the small apartment and looked at your things â the books stacked by the window, the mug on the counter, the suit folded on the table because you'd always been neat, always been careful, always cleaned up after yourself â and something shifted in his face.
He called Bruce.
Bruce came. Then Dick. Then Jason. Damian stayed in the car for a long time before he came upstairs.
They stood in your apartment and looked at your life, the one you'd built without them, the one that had existed in the negative space of their attention. There were case files on the wall. Years of them. Cases solved, territories mapped, informants catalogued. There were notes in your handwriting â careful, precise â cross-referencing their operations with yours. All the times you'd been working parallel to them, unseen.
There was a folder on the table labeled, in your handwriting: Reports â Unfiled.
Dick opened it.
It was everything you'd never said. Not a journal, not a letter â you hadn't written it for them, you'd written it for yourself, the way you wrote everything, because writing was the only place you'd ever been fully heard. Patrol notes. Case summaries. And threaded through them, small and unadorned, the record of being invisible: Tim canceled again. Dick called, didn't ask how I was. Bruce said good work without looking up. Damian said four.
And at the very end, dated two weeks before you disappeared: I think I'm going to stop waiting. Not for them â for anyone. I think I've been waiting my whole life and I'm tired and I think that's okay. I think it's okay to be tired.
I love them. I just don't think they'll notice I'm gone.
Dick sat down on your floor.
Jason stood very still in the doorway of your bedroom for a long time.
They found you three days later. What was left of you.
The Riddler's syndicate had moved on, left no living witnesses, covered their tracks with professional efficiency. The GCPD report was clinical. Bruce read it in the cave at three in the morning with Alfred's hand on his shoulder and did not speak for a very long time.
You had been afraid of small spaces. They had put you in one. They had known â somehow, because you'd never told your family but you'd mentioned it once to an informant who'd been compromised â what you were most afraid of.
You had died in the exact shape of your greatest fear.
Waiting for someone to open the door.
They held a service. Small, private. Alfred cried in the way Alfred cried â quietly, with dignity, with the devastation of someone who had seen this family make the same mistakes over and over and had never been able to stop them.
Nobody said we should have known. That was perhaps the most honest thing.
Dick didn't speak at the service. He'd tried to write something and hadn't been able to finish it. He kept thinking about the phone calls where he hadn't asked how you were. He kept thinking about how he'd loved the shape of you without ever learning the contents.
Tim thought about seventeen canceled sparring sessions. He thought about the reports sitting unread in the system. He thought about how he'd built files on everything â everything except you.
Jason thought about what he'd said. You're not actually his daughter, you know. You're just the latest project. He thought about it with the particular torture of someone who cannot take words back. He thought about a library and two in the morning and a small girl who had run toward him with her arms out and he had walked around her like she wasn't there.
He thought about that for a long time.
Damian stood at the graveside and looked at your name on the stone and thought about a mug of tea left outside his door. He had not thanked you. He had not acknowledged it. He had told you to stay out of his room.
He had been seven. He did not think that excused him.
---
Bruce went back to the cave that night. He opened your file â your real file, the one Tim had built after, pulling together everything, trying too late to see you whole. He read every report. Every case. Every small careful note.
He read the line: I love them. I just don't think they'll notice I'm gone.
He sat in the cave for a long time.
Then he closed the file.
He went upstairs. He stood in the hallway outside your room â your old room, the one you'd kept because you'd never officially moved out, the one with your books and your drawings and your second-best mug because your favorite was in the apartment in Crime Alley. He stood there and he put his hand flat against the door.
He did not open it.
He stood there for a very long time, in the dark, in the quiet.
And then he went to bed.
Because Bruce Wayne had always been better at grieving in retrospect than preventing it. Because the people he failed were always, in the end, the ones already inside the house.
a note from angel: im sorry i need to stop making new series this is an addiction of mine that i can't stop, pls sukuna leave me alone, i feel like im making a multiverse of sukunas.
synopsis: trying a new coffee shop didn't end up going your way when a mean barista takes your order. the problem? he's rude as fuck but he's the best at making your drinks. when you end up giving him a taste of his own medicine, you end up in a deal where this grumpy barista finds himself in the habit of making your morning coffee. everyday. for the next seven days.
tags: enemies to lovers, modern au, barista!sukuna, fluff, crack
word count: 3.7k words
Coffee is part of your daily routine.
If you don't start your day with coffee then it can be ensured that the day will be a terrible day.
You're not strict about your coffee, you don't simply stick to one type of drink. You're the type to explore and try new things. From lattes, to espressos, to cappuccinos, matcha, chai tea, hojicha and a lot more. The convenience of living in a big city is that there will always be a bunch of cafes and coffee shops to try with new businesses opening all over the blocks.
You've made it your own personal mission to try as many new shops in the city, not limiting yourself to one place. You want to support as much of the local businesses as possible, staying away from the big corporate brands. You have enough dealing with business and corporate issues in your work life so the least you can do is support your local community in your personal free time.
On your scout to work you happen to come across a new coffee shop. It's slightly hidden on the block but the brand name and minimalist colours catch your eye.
'Fuga.'
You're interested immediately. Coming to a stop outside, the meaning of the shop name is printed in white on the window. 'Fuga â One of the Japanese meanings of this is 'a way of elegance or grace'. We hope to include fuga with every order that we take; there's no rush, just sit back and enjoy.'
The opening and closing times are also unusual. They're open in time for the usual morning rush hour but unlike other coffee stores, they stay open until 9pm. You can't imagine the shifts that their staff must take and how much happens behind the scenes.
Despite being hidden, it is the morning rush hour on a weekday and through the window you can clearly see that there is a queue forming. Underrated coffee shops get discovered pretty quickly these days thanks to social media and it's not long until they'll be announcing a sister location somewhere else in the city.
Stepping inside, a bell chimes overhead but it's drowned out due to the hustle and bustle inside the shop. The scent of crushed coffee beans hits you immediately and the sound of lofi music playing in the background is just about heard over the level of conversations in the store.
Joining the queue, your eyes scan the cafe. It's pretty spacey compared to the other units that most coffee shops rent out. There's clearly more places to sit in the back and all of the window seats are currently taken. There's a handful of students and people in suits either sat working away on their laptops or taking a call. In the corner an old man is sitting back and enjoying a cup of his own hot coffee.
There's three people currently manning the counter and you worry whether that means service is slow but on further observation you notice they work well, weaving in and out of each other. There's a man situated at the till, tall and large you first notice. Then you see that he has pink hair and it's only when you inch closer to being served that you notice he has an array of black tattoos. They're printed on his face as well as around his wrists and you start to wonder how many baristas you've seen with face tattoos.
He seems to be the first.
Behind him seems to be a white haired figure with a plum pink stripe dyed into their hair. It's clear that whoever employs these people are very laid back with how they are presented. The figure moves quickly but also with caution pouring and making drinks before bringing them to the collection section and calling out a name.
You've been so caught up in studying the new environment of the cafe that you don't even realise that it's your turn next. You haven't had the chance to look at the menu so when you finally do, you're left with your mouth open in front of the tattooed man. And on closer observation you find that he's rather intimidating.
"Good morning." you greet.
"What do you want?" he asks in a monotone tone evident that he's been repeating this question for a while. You brush off the fact that he hasn't greeted you back and you simply hum as you stare at the menu.
It's evident that you're irritating the barista by not even knowing what you want, the bored expression on his face and his finger impatiently tapping the counter. Your eyes are scanning the menu until he finally says something that in all of your years of going to local cafes have never heard in your life.
"Can you hurry up?"
"Excuse me?"
"I said," he draws as if it's painfully inconveniencing him to repeat himself, "can you hurry up? There's a queue behind you." It's evident in his tone that he's not asking but rather ordering you to do so and for a split second there's a moment in which you forget that you are in fact the customer.
"I'm aware." you say, "I'm deciding."
"You had two minutes to decide." he retorts.
"I've never been here before, of course I'm going to take my time looking at the menu." you keep a calm tone making it clear that you don't want any misunderstandings.
"Do you want a medal? What's your order?"
Fine. You think to yourself, you're gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe it's been a long morning, maybe he wasn't supposed to be on shift today but then got called in, maybe he's just an asshole. You don't care. But what you do care about is getting your morning coffee as usual.
"Vanilla latte with oat milk please."
"We're out of oat milk." he announces keeping his tone flat with enough space to add some frustration into it as if this was your own fault.
"Really?"
He doesn't reply, keeping a blank face that silently asks 'do I look like I'm joking?'
"Uhhh, could I get an iced strawberry matcha then please?"
"We're out."
You hold back a sigh, forcing a tight lipped smile on your face. "Fine. A cappuccino. Any milk you have. Please."
The barista doesn't look up, tapping onto a screen. "Regular or large?"
"What's the difference?" you ask.
He points to the side where the size cup differences are shown and as usual the large is 50p extra.
"Regular."
"Name?"
After giving your name, he mutters something under his breath and if you were in a bad mood this morning then you would have asked him what his issue was but instead you keep quiet, silently wishing he spills lukewarm coffee all over his disgustingly attractive face. Somehow. If it was logical to spill coffee on one's face.
"Four fifty. Tap your card and stand over there." he orders without any patience.
You don't even think twice before tapping your phone and moving immediately. In your mind you continue to curse him forever whilst watching his back muscles move swiftly as he makes your drink. Him and the white haired figure switched places with him making your order and his co-worker now at the till.
You expected a long wait but it takes less than five minutes before he's yelling out your name with impatience.
And he pronounced it wrong.
Whether it was on purpose or he wasn't listening to you at all, you'll never know but you go ahead and take your order. You can't even say thank you directly before he's rushing off and completing another order. Deciding to get out as soon as possible, you grab as many sugar packets you need, a stirrer and you head on out.
"How fucking rude." you mutter to yourself, opening the lid to your cappuccino. There's no latte art and you wouldn't expect there to be given the rush. You pour your sugar in and stir until satisfied, slowly making your way to the office building.
Sure, you know baristas are sometimes not the most welcoming people given the high stress level of their jobs and you've come across some reclusive baristas before but this oneâŚhe's just plain rude. You don't usually complain about how people do their job but this one has really struck a nerve.
How was he hired in the first place? Does the manager know he speaks to customers like this? How did he even pass an interview to get hired for this place? Does he act like this with all his customers?
Those are the questions that you continue to ask yourself whilst on the way to work, you get a little distracted after taking a sip of your coffee and coming to find out that your cappuccino is actually pretty good. Usually some cafes don't do cappuccinos the right way but there's something about this cup that makes you wonder what exact type of coffee bean they use.
You make a mental note to check later in your free time and it's not long before you start to feel rejuvenated by your coffee. Despite your bad customer service, you still manage to get a good cup of coffee to support your day and it's almost enough to forget your bad interaction.
***
Almost.
That cup of coffee was good.
Good enough to make you check their company website and check their 'about us' page.
And of course it just so happens that you stumble onto their google reviews.
Fuga Coffee Shop | reviews (54)
Naturally, your laptop cursor clicks onto their reviews. They only opened two months ago so it's understandable why the reviews must be so low, they're just starting out. The reviews are automatically filtered to their top reviews, which is from just over two weeks ago.
ihatemonkeys009
The grumpy tattooed barista is a little anti-social but he makes the best lattes ever! will be coming back again! four stars.
"A little?" you say aloud to yourself, "give me a break."
The review that follows under that is also highly popular.
ghostsarerealiswear2334_67
free wifi and they open early and don't close till late?! best study place ever! (please like my review!) five stars.
kentoforwork89
A nice and newly established restaurant under the Japanese name 'Fuga', the name is fitting for its elegant service and high quality coffee. They have a wide range on the menu and serve food too. The cafe is spacious, plenty of space to study or work and if you use electronics they have power sockets dotted around. Good prices for the service and highly reliable. I will be coming here again as it is not overwhelmingly busy or loud like some other places. I highly recommend. four and a half stars.
ilovesweetssooooooooooomuchhhgojo9838
tHE tattooed barisSta maybe be cold hoever his coffees are the warmest!!!!! xoxoxoxo peefect date location (soz for typos idid this fast on my phone so i coulget fre emochi) FIVE STARTS
You let out a sigh reading the reviews, it's a little cheesy but you get the point. Reading all 54 reviews you've come to find that a lot of people find the same tattooed barista annoying but miraculously all is forgotten once you've tried a coffee from him.
There isn't one totally bad review â maybe from an AI bot who says that the location is in a whole other city but other than that it's clear that this cafe is a new and upcoming contender as one of the best spots in the city.
And that doesn't sit right in your soul.
Taking this personally as someone who runs a company, you understand that if people were talking about your employees in this manner then they would be subject to being fired. You're confused on how this man is still employed even after fifty reviews, surely the owner must be reading them.
You sit in silence for a while as you contemplate.
Should you?
Or shouldn't you?
Hesitant, your fingers hover over your keyboard, testing out a sentence.
i tried this cafe as a new customer â no, no, too cliche, you backspace your sentence entirely.
Thinking for a moment, you reflect on what you want to say. You start typing slowly before it all flows within your fingertips, a mini paragraph forming on your screen. You're writing in the heat of the moment, out of pure frustration and embarrassment. Most people would be able to forgive and forget but wellâŚunfortunately you're not most people.
anonymouscapybara45
this place is relatively new in this city and as a coffee lover i was extremely enthusiastic to try this place out. my high hopes for this cafe were quickly crushed once i was (not even greeted) but completely mistreated by the tattooed barista.
i did not like this service, no matter how good the quality of the coffee was.
i do not think a barista should be talking to customers like this. i felt severely unwelcomed and i am having second thoughts on returning to this place.
there's better and kinder staff in other cafes in the city who i will gladly give my money too.
1 out of 5 stars.
Sure, it's a littleâŚKaren but you feel petty. Highlighting all the adverbs makes you think that your english teacher from high school would be proud. There's a small feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach as it dawns on you that your review will be the first one star review the company has ever had.
But this is not a baseless review. You actually felt this way at the time. It's a little exaggerated but who cares, they don't know you and they never will because you're not stepping foot there ever again.
There's not much satisfaction in the world that you can get other than pressing post on your review.
***
An hour later you've moved on with your life. You've settled into your home, following your post-work routine and you're now sitting on your couch. Your phone lights up with a notification and your eyes land on the screen.
You get a notification from your gmail that someone has mentioned you in a reply and with your thumb clicking on the message your eyes slightly widen.
The owner has replied to your message.
And for the first time it seems because they haven't seemed to reply to all the other positive messages on the site.
You'd forgotten that this was an option for them, simply thinking that your review would just get the employee removed. Your eyes skim over the reply.
From the Owner of Fuga in reply to anonymouscapybara45
Hello valued customer,
we apologise that you have had this experience recently, it is never our intention to make our customers feel this way. Our company and brand relies majorly on the respect and communication with our customers which is always taught and trained to our employees. We apologise for the actions and behaviour of our barista and on behalf of the company we would like to invite you to have any item on our menu free of charge over the course of the week. We would like to give you a seven day voucher and invite you back to a better atmosphere of our cafe to show you truly how we treat our customers.
Please pop into our cafe at your convenience. We look forward to seeing you and we apologise again for your experience.
Kind regards,
Fuga Owner (Jin Itadori)
Your mind is baffled.
Free drinksâŚfor a week? Because of your bad review?
Not even the other low starred reviews have had this level of response from the owner. You're the first one star review they've had and they haven't even responded maliciously. You can't pass up on this good of an opportunity to have free coffee for the next week? You could be saving a ridiculous amount of money.
You re-read the review a few times to make sure that it still seems real to your eyes.
Maybe it will be the last time that you'll see that barista again.
**
You try your luck the following day. You're a bit more hopeful walking into the coffee shop the next day. It's a little less busier than the previous day and the queue is a little shorter.
But most important of them all, you don't see that tattooed jerk around.
This time serving the till is the white haired figure you saw making the drinks the last time you arrived. Behind them works another person that you haven't seen before who has their back turned making orders.
Soon enough it's your turn to go up to the till.
"Hello." They greet and almost immediately you feel comfortable that you won't be shunned for simply being a customer at this cafe.
"Good morning," you greet back with a smile before explaining your situation. "This may be a bit awkward but uhm, I was the customer who wrote a review of this cafe and uhâ the owner said I was given a voucher as some sort of compensation."
For a second you thought you were scammed or that the entire thing was a lie just to catch the poor customer who's written terrible reviews but you watch as the wave of recognition hits the barista.
Instead they nod and say, "one moment" before turning around to head to the back. You shift from one foot to the other, patiently waiting and in the meantime thinking of what you'd want to get as your first free drink.
Your smile soon drops once you see the figure that follows the person that you were speaking to at the till.
That tattooed bastard.
His eyes widen slightly at the sight of you before turning into a miserable frown, clearly he wasn't expecting you to be the customer who wrote the review but there's also something that tells you that he's not totally surprised.
The white haired barista makes their way back to you, "If you go over to Sukuna he can help you with your voucher."
Sukuna. Now you know his name. And now you know he's somehow still employed by this damn coffee shop.
You walk over with hesitation and you can't help but notice Sukuna's eyes watching you as you make your over to a quiet area.
"It was you." he says but there's no bite to his tone. It's merely a statement he's making but you don't miss the judgement in his eyes.
"I was being honest." you shrug, holding your head high. You have no regrets whatsoever, you were merely giving constructive feedback about an environment that felt hostile to you. About a certain someone who was hostile.
Sukuna leans in a little closer to you, one hand placed on the counter as he speaks to you. "Because of you and your stupid review I have to serve you free drinks for a week, which is coming out of my pay by the way."
"Maybe it'll teach you how to speak nicer to customers." you retort back.
You notice his hand turning into a tight fist, gripping the counter, clearly holding back on responding to you. With his other hand he slides over a piece of paper. "Here's your damn voucher and, no I didn't write it, so what do you want?"
You tilt your head a little at him.
Sukuna corrects himself and in a deadpan monotone he starts over. "Hello. Welcome to Fuga. What would you like today?"
A satisfied smile reaches your lips. "Much better. I would like an iced strawberry matcha with oat milk please."
"Regular or large?"
"Hmm since it's on the house, large please."
"It's not on the houseâŚ" he mutters.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Hmmmmm."
Sukuna disappears, diving into the hustle and bustle of his other colleagues making your own personal drink. As he makes your drink you look over your voucher, Sukuna's written today's date already and the expiry date is set seven days from now.
Once again, your order doesn't take him long and you spot your green and pink drink in his large hands. Approaching he hands your drink over to you which you thank before taking a sip.
On your tongue, the grassy flavour is immediately sedated by the sweetness of the strawberry at the bottom. There's the perfect amount of ice and matcha in your drink for you to enjoy and it takes everything in you not to fall to your knees and praise Sukuna on how great he's made this drink.
"Not bad." you murmur, downplaying your enthusiasm. "Can I get another free drink?"
"One per day stupid."
"The voucher doesn't clarify that, it's handwritten."
"I don't care."
"Would you like me to write another poor review?"
Now this is what gets Sukuna clenching his jaw together. He takes a pause, calming himself down before speaking to you again. "No anonymouscapybara45 I wouldn't like that because you got me in a lot of shit for this."
You don't flinch when he mentions your username. Ah, so he's read the review then. You quip back, "Your boss fire you yet?"
"No," and there's a slight pout, "he's just annoying the shit out of me at the moment."
"Hmm right, if you make me an iced vanilla latte with oat milk to go I think I might just refrain from writing a bad review about you for today."
You watch as he clenches his jaw in frustration. "Just this once. For the rest of the days you get one drink only."
"And a sweet treat!" you chime in.
Sukuna pauses, mulling over your suggestion. He lets out a sigh.
"A free drink and a snack." He offers.
"Deal." You outstretch your free hand to shake on.
Sukuna looks at your hand in pure disgust like you've just offered to spit in his mouth. "Deal. Just don't make my job harder than it needs to be." he mutters.
"I don't think I can promise that." you reply and you watch in pure satisfaction as he walks away mumbling to himself.
thank you for reading!! i hope you enjoyed :) i won't be running a taglist for this mini series (pls it is mini) but ya comments and reblogs are appreciated!!
Summary: Between medical debts, screaming babies and smashed car windows, newly single mother! Reader has hit her breaking point. It isnât until she meets the mysteriously handsome mechanic that her luck starts turning up.
Tags: Mentions of pregnancy and birth, babies, Slowburn, hurt/comfort, ooc Jason a bit, fluff, reader is broke, Jason is a softie, neighbour! Jason. Dick is there bc when is he not.
Dividers by : @honeyluvsw
Parings: mechanic! Jason Todd x Single mother! Reader
A/n: this wa supposed to be a one shot but I just couldnât get them tg by the end of it. I didnât want to drag it either! So part 2 soon
By the time you got to the mechanic, the screaming had been going on for more than an hour.
This week was really a week from hell.
Kali just wouldnât stop crying. You thought you had hurt her or maybe she was sick, so you had taken her to the hospital.
$2000 added to your never ending medical debt for colic.
And if you werenât struggling enough, then you were fired from your job.
5 months, your boss had said, was more than enough maternity leave. Apparently he hadn't been the one recovering from thirty-eight hours of labour while caring for a newborn who screamed through every waking hour.
And now some Gotham hooligan had smashed the windows on your car. They hadnât taken anything, luckily, but the thought of someone invading the space where you put your baby disgusted you.
Maybe you should get it cleaned once you get a new job.
If you ever do.
Money would be the death of you, and poor Kali would have to live with it.
You needed to pull yourself together.
You pulled into the run down shop waiting for the owner to open the garage door. You were met with silence for 5 minutes and you tried your best not to doze off.
Should you have booked an appointment?
you were really just a mess.
The painful creek of the garage door could only give you a second of relief before kali started screaming even louder.
Lord.
It was like you were killing her.
The man you assumed was the owner stood behind your car as you pulled in glaring intensely at the baby through the window.
You hoped he wouldnât make a big deal of the crying. But it looked like he already was.
It was only when you got out of the car that you could get a good look at him. He was impossible not to notice. Broad shoulders, scarred forearms and dark hair that looked like it hadn't seen a comb all day.
Under different circumstances you would be flustered, he was very attractive and you were very lonely. But you were too tired to feel anything but exhaustion.
Plus it wasnât like you had much of a chance l, with your bare face and unwashed hair. Hell, you were wearing the same tracksuit youâd slept in.
Whatever, the last thing you needed right now was a man.
âHi um, im sorry if this is a bad time, I know I didnât book an appointment, but um,â
âWe donât do appointments sweetheart. Whatâs the issue?â
His voice was gruff, husky and it sent a shiver down your spine.
âItâs the front windows,theyâve been..um smashedâ
âI can see thatâ
The man scaled the car and then bent down to open the hood. You hobbled around him, peering over his shoulder and pretending you knew what the hell you were looking at.
He looked up at you raising an eyebrow
âYour baby okay?â
Fuck, Kali had been screaming and you were just calmly inquiring about your car. Gosh, he probably thought you were a terrible mother.
âSorry yeah, she-uh has colic, so um, she wonât stop. Sheâs fine but Iâll just take her out so you can look at the car.â
You opened the door reaching carefully into the back seat.
âhey baby, your okayâ
Kaliâs tiny face was bright red, her fists were clenched so tightly, you wondered how something so small could hold so much emotion.
As soon as you lifted her into your arms, she instinctively curled into your shoulder, but the crying didnât stop.
âIâm sorryâ you murmured to both the mechanic and the baby.
âSheâs been like this all week, Iâm happy to wait outside until your doneâ
He turned didnât even look up from the car, replying without skipping a beat.
âDonât apologise. Sâdoesnât bother me.â
Your face involuntarily flushed. His words were blunt but his tone wasnt cruel, more matter of fact.
For a few minutes, only the sounds of rattling tools and Kaliâs cries filled the garage.
You bounced Kali gently on your hip to soothe her, but the motion only brought a sharp pain, reminding you that your body still hadnât recovered from giving birth.
Everyone said that three months would be enough. But the way you were going you donât think youâd ever recover.
Kali was worth it all. You would do it a thousand times again for her.
âIâm Jasonâ
The man said suddenly, looking up from the engine.
You gave him your name, with a small bashful smile.
âHow old is she?â
âUh three and a half monthsâ
âHmâ
That was all he said. And for some reason, you appreciated the silence, over the sympathy or advice that everyone else had given you.
âEngines all good, just the windows. Iâll order you some glass.â
That had to be costly. A sharp feeling of dread twisted in your gut.
âHow much would that be?â
âAbout $700, including instillation costsâ
Seven hundred dollars.
You looked to the floor, trying to mentally add the figure to your budget. But between medical bills, rent and utilities, it wasnât looking good.
If you fixed your car, there was no way you could afford groceries. Especially with formula prices these days.
Your eyes immediately started to burn.
âIs everything alright?â
You laughed, it was a terrible sound, hollow and exhausted.
âYeah um itâs just, I donât think I can afford thatâ
You looked down towards your feet.
âIâm really sorry for wasting your time, how much do I owe you for the check up?â
He studied you for a moment before looking at Kali, who was still crying softly into your shoulder.
âYou canât drive it like that, itâs dangerous.â
âYouâre right. I canât.â
You sniffled looking anywhere but his face so he couldnât see the way your eyes were watering. You blinked back the tears.
âIâll figure it out thank-â
He cut you off before you could continue.
âIâll sort itâ
âWha- I canâtâ
âFree of chargeâ
Your eyes widened.
âIâm not letting you do that.â
âI wasnât askingâ
No. You refused to be indebted to another person. He seemed like a nice guy, but who knows what heâll ask of you knowing you owed him.
âNo. Iâm sorry I canâtâ
You were crying now, and it was stupid it was all so stupid.
You unlocked your car fixing Kali into her seat before Jason spoke again.
âMaâam Iâm sorry I didnât mean to upset you.â
âItâs fine itâs not you. Iâm-just- itâs me.â
âWhat about a discount? I canât let you drive home like this.â
You just couldnât accept his help. It felt wrong, like you were a failure.
But you desperately needed it.
âHow much?â
You squeaked, your voice barely audible.
â$250.â
You frowned. Jason wiped his hands on a rag, completely unbothered.
âThatâs no where near $700â
âItâs what your payingâ
âYouâll lose money.â
He looked at you like that was the dumbest thing you had ever said.
âIt wonât break the bank sweetheart, Iâll be okay.â
You closed your eyes trying your best not to burst out in tears. Again
âThank you.â
His lips turned upwards in what looked like the beginning of a smile.
âReally. Thank you. This helps me and Kali so much you donât even understand.â
âSânothing. Glad to help.â
You smiled. This was possibly the only win you had this week, or this year.
-
When you walked into the hallway of your building, you realised there were shoes in front of the apartment next door.
Man shoes.
Great, that meant that it was time to browse for a new house.
You had almost gotten evicted because of Kaliâs crying last month, thankfully the landlord had some sympathy and gave you some time to figure it out. The neighbour moved before you could.
Unlocking the door, you put Kali down in her high chair making her some dinner. You couldnât breastfeed, because of the state you were in after the birth. Too weak.
And so you never started. Wouldâve been easier though. Cheaper thatâs for sure.
After feeding Kali you put her in her crib, and to some miracle she fell asleep immediately. You almost started crying in relief.
You had so much you needed to do, but you passed out before you could even think about it. Better you sleep now and worry later.
Though your peace didnât last long, only three hours later you were woken up by screaming.
There was no way this was normal.
You gently reached for the baby, checking her diaper, and trying to soothe her, when you felt a spell of dizziness.
Right, you hadnât eaten.
Rocking Kali in your arms you opened your cupboards, empty, to no oneâs surprise. You eventually settled on a can of beans, which you ate once the baby finally calmed down.
You decided youâd go to the grocery store tomorrow, you just needed some milk and you could maybe bake a batch of sub-par cookies. Hopefully theyâll be good enough to make sure your neighbour doesnât complain.
You fell asleep thinking about it. Hopefully if imagined having an understanding neighbour, it would happen.
Well he hadnât complained so far.
-
The next morning, after your little outing to the store, you started on the cookies, it took longer than it should have, between tending to the baby, and cleaning up here and there. But by midday you were finished and decided to deliver them before they got cold.
Once the baby was napping you stepped outside, nerves twisting in your gut. Surely he would at least appreciate the gesture.
You knocked on the door taking a step back, and trying to quell your nerves.
But when the door opened, to your shock you saw Jason. The mechanic.
He looked just a nice as yesterday, in a grey tracksuit and hoodie. He looked more human somehow.
âOh itâs you. Hiâ
âHiâ
He replied, leaning against the doorframe.
âI made these for you, to apologise for the noise last night, but I guess I donât really have to explainâ
âYou donât.â
He paused looking around seemingly for Kali.
âYou also didnât have to.â
âYes I did, especially now that I know itâs you.â
âIt was nothingâ
Furrowed your eyebrows
âWell it wasnât to meâ
The corners of his mouth lifted into a smug sort of smile.
âIâm not here most nights so no need to apologise.â
You almost jumped in joy. You didnât have to find a new house. And you had somehow found a sane neighbour. He might even be better than having no neighbour.
Your luck was finally turning.
âWell still. She cries all hours of the day, and you have to sleep sometime.â
Jason didnât reply, you had begun to understand him a little. He didnât speak unless he needed to, and even then it was short, blunt replies no more than two or three words.
Maybe youâd get more out of him as you got to know him.
Jason looked down at the plate before taking it. You felt nerves twist in your gut.
âDonât expect anything special..I didnât have muchâ
âSmells special. Chocolate chip?â
You felt heat rising to your cheeks.
âMostly.â
âMostly?â
âI ran out of chocolate halfway throughâ
He let out a low hum, like he understood, or maybe even was amused.
âResourcefulâ
You grinned at that, looking shyly to the floor.
âMore like broke, but I appreciate it.â
The second it left your mouth you wished you could take it back.
The last thing you wanted was his pity.
In fact, you were hoping you could be friends. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasnât a baby.
Though somehow he seemed entirely unbothered by the statement, in fact he even seemed entertained.
âTheyâll still taste good.â
âHow do you know? You havenât even tried it?â
âGotta feelinâ
His answer was so fast that it caught a smile out of you.
God.
You couldnât remember the last time someone had made you smile without trying.
A tiny cry drifted out from your apartment.
Itâs like she could sense your joy
âSorry thatâs-â
âThe bossâ
You blinked
âSounds like the boss is awake.â
He continued with a little proud look on his face.
You chuckled at the sight.
âWell thank you again for yesterdayâ
He gave you a swift nod
âDonât mention it.â
âI mean it. I wonât forget itâ
âI know, just donât forget to pick it up on Friday.â
You smiled.
âI wonât, thank you Jason!â
Jason watched you hobble back to your apartment and waited until he heard the door click shut.
It was only then that he looked down to the plate in his hand.
He unwrapped it.
The cookies were.. questionable.
Some were slightly darker than others, and they were all incredibly flat, like pancakes.
He chose the ugliest one.
Bit into it.
He took a second trying to decide if he liked it or not.
They were actually werenât bad.
He reached for another without a second thought.
After having his fair share of cookies he placed them on the kitchen bench and glanced at the shared wall.
The babyâs cries filtered faintly through it.
He frowned, they sounded different than they had at the mechanic shop.
Shorter, sharper.
Almost like she was uncomfortable.
Damian had colic when he was younger, he remembered not knowing what to do with him.
It was hell, and he wasnât even his mother.
He wondered if you had someone to help you. He noticed you didnât wear a wedding ring, and he hadnât heard anyone come past.
He really hoped you werenât alone.
The sound of his phone buzzing brought him out of his thoughts.
Dick: Family dinner tonight, Damian is asking for you.
Jason typed back with one hand
Jason: working.
Dicks icon flashed on his screen. He declined the call turning off his phone.
From the other side of the wall Kali had finally stopped crying.
Jason found himself hoping that they were both asleep.
-
When Friday rolled around you found your self excited to leave the house.
You had seen Jason in bits and pieces over the past week, having small conversations whenever youâd see each other.
You started to really enjoy his company.
He just made you feel sane for once.
You stood infront of the mirror trying to tame your hair with damp hands. After five minutes of struggle you decided it would just be easier to let it down. If you couldnât get it to work now, you werenât gonna.
You fit Kali in her favourite little cream knitted onesie, pulling the matching hat over her wispy locks.
Her hair was a colour that didnât run in your family. You had to assume it came from her father. The thought made you cringe.
You loved it because it was her. Not him. You reminded yourself.
âThereâ
You smiled tapping her nose
âNow you look prettier than meâ
Kali rewarded you with a sleepy little coo.
Your heart melted.
That was definitely a lot better than crying.
-
The door creaked as you stepped inside. You were immediately greeted with the scent of grease and oil.
You cringed gently pressing Kaliâs face into your shirt.
Jason was underneath a truck only his legs showing another mechanic greeted you from the reception desk.
âHey gorgeous can I help you?â
You flushed at the pet name
âIâm here to pick up my carâ
Before the man could answer Jason was right infront of you.
âI got it.â
He wiped the grease off his hands on a rag before nodding at Kali.
âNice hatâ
You looked down at her smiling.
âThanksâ
âI didnât mean yoursâ
You laughed
âI figured.â
The other mechanic looked between you too with raised eyebrows.
Jason ignored him.
âJust give me a secâ
He disappeared into the office.
The other mechanic leaned back on his chair, a painful groan filling the air.
âDidnât ever think Iâd see Jay smilingâ
You blinked
âHe smiles?â
The man laughed
âExactlyâ
Jason appeared Back from the room holding a piece of paper.
He handed it to you.
An invoice.
$250
You stared at it.
He really had kept the price the same.
âAgain, Iâm happy to cover itâ
You rolled your eyes
âI think a $450 dollar discount is enoughâ
You pulled your wallet from your bag.
Two hundred
Twenty
Fifty
2 tens
A five
Two more fifties
And an another five.
All the cash you had before your final pay check.
You slid the notes into his hand.
Jason didnât bother counting them, just waved the keys in Kaliâs face.
She let out a little giggle.
You tried not the cry at the sound.
You took them.
âI canât thank you enough Jason, really.â
He gave a short nod.
âCome take a lookâ
You followed him outside.
Your car lookedâŚ
Normal.
The new windows glistened in the sun, it was cleaned and polished.
There was no more glass in the seats.
You let out a laugh of astonishment.
âYou cleaned it.â
âHad glass everywhere.â
Your brows furrowed
âYou didnât have to do that.â
âSâwhere the kid sitsâ
Your throat tightened.
Heâd thought about Kali.
You tried not to cry.
âJasonâŚâ
âItâs done, you have to take itâ
You were gonna cry. You were gonna cry for the second time in this stupid store. You were in his debt. Greatly.
âI donât know how to thank you.â
âYou already didâ
âThe cookies?â
He nodded.
âThey were goodâ
âI donât believed youâ
âFinished them in a day, had to hide them from my brothersâ
âYou donât have to lieâ
âIâm notâ
His face was completely serious.You burst out into laughter.
âI genuinely cant tell when youâre joking.â
He frowned.
âIâm notâ
That only made you laugh harder.
Jason watched you for a second.
A small genuine smile etched onto his face.
It was so cute.
âYou should smile more.â
It left you before you could even think. Jasonâs smile disappeared instantly.
âWhy?â
You shrugged
âI donât know it suits you.â
He looked away his ears going a subtle shade of red.
âHmphâ
You immediately regretted saying it.
âSorryâ
âYou apologise too muchâ
He blurted, Kali let a squeak from her carrier.
âBoss agreesâ
You giggled.
âShush both of you.â
-
When Jason got home from his shift it was nearing 4:00am.
He was exhausted.
And worse.
He couldnât stop thinking of you.
He felt a strange sense of protectiveness around you that he couldnât understand.
He kept listening for the baby near the walls. Though he had heard it less lately. She had been sleeping more.
Jason groaned.
He needed to stop.
It was none of his business.
He decided he need a distraction. His bike was perfect for that. He 100% wasnât allowed to have it in here, but the scrawny landlord was too scared to say anything when he carried it in.
As soon as he began he was interrupted by two frantic knocks on the door.
He already knew who it was.
âJacey open upâ
Dick.
Jason reluctantly opened the door. Dick stood there holding a takeaway bag.
âWhy didnât you pick up my calls?â
Jason nodded to the bike raising his eyebrows at Dick.
âBusyâ
Dick gave him a skeptical glare
âClearlyâ
He walked through the door, slamming into Jasonâs shoulder in the process.
He let out a huff.
âYou know you tell me your fine, but a fine person would reply to my textsâ
Jason scoffed.
âI did.â
âWorking.â
âI wasâ
Dick fell back onto the couch, pulling a burger out of his bag.
Jason tolerated Dick but he couldnât shake the feeling that he was being tested. That Dick would take one look at the unpacked boxes, and the barely organised furniture and report it back to Bruce.
Maybe he was just paranoid.
âYou move in okay?â
âMhmâ
Dick kicked his feet up on the table.
âYou know we can afford to get you into a better apartment. This place is a shithole at best.â
Jason huffed, Dick wasnât wrong. But he hated cushy. What was the point of having some mansion when he spent more time at the shop anyways.
He liked the noise too. It relaxed him in a way the manor never did.
âI like itâ
Dick laughed, throwing the rubbish from his food at him.
âHey who am I to yuck your yum?â
A shrill cry echoed from behind the walls
Dick cringed.
Jason didnât.
âBaby neighbour?â
âMhmâ jason hummed in between bites of his burger.
âCuteâ
Jason shrugged.
âVery loud.â
âParents seem alright?â
Jason paused, thinking of what to say without giving too much away.
âJust the momâ
Dick noticed his hesitance immediately.
âYouâve actually spoken to herâ
Jason tried to act like he hadnât been thinking about you right before he had arrived.
âShe was a customer.â
âAnd?â
âThatâs it.â
It was the truth as much as he didnât like it. Though, Dick didnât look too convinced.
âAnd somehow you know she lives alone?â
Jason shot him a look.
âIve got eyesâ
Dicks grin widened, he had a look on his face like he had won the lottery. Jason couldnât stand it.
âWhat?â
âNothingâ
âJust say it so I can kick you out.â
âYou like helping straysâ
Jason rolled his eyes. What the hell did that even mean? He didnât like that word, stray. If anything you were taking him in.
âShes not a stray.â
âNo?â
âNo.â
His smile widened if that was even possible. Jason was disgusted at the sight.
âWhat is it now?â
âNothing. Just, you seem pretty defensive over a customerâ
Jason rolled his eyes.
âGet out.â
-
The apartment was quiet for once.
Usually youâd take that opportunity to sleep but you needed to finally face your financial dilemma.
You needed to find a job.
Scrolling through the possible workplaces you couldnât find anything that suited you.
Waitress
You couldnât be on your feet for that long.
Data analyst
What?
Personal assistant
Maybe
You saved the tab for that one
You were brought out of your search by a knock on the door.
You froze.
Please donât let it be the landlord, please.
Oh.
Standing in your doorway was, Jason, holding a stack of pizzas.
He scratched the back of his head before speaking.
âHiâ
âHiâ
You replied, eyes flicking in between him and the food.
âMy idiot brothers ordered 12 pizzas to my house as some sort of prank, I was wondering if you were hungry?â
You let out a hearty laugh.
You couldnât remember the last time you had a real meal. Living off of various canned food and toast.
Your mouth watered at the thought of pizza.
âWhat toppings?â
He sighed at that his brows furrowing.
âThe fuckers only put olivesâ
You burst out in laughter at that. It wasnât just the prank, it was more so the astonished look on his face.
âWhat? how can you not like olives?â
âWell I canât get through 12 pizzas on my own so take them.â
He pushed the boxes into your arms and you took them stepping to the side. Couldnât hurt.
âDid you want to come in?â
He paused giving you a curious look.
âAs long as itâs ok with the bossâ
You grinned.
âShes asleep. So as long as she stays that way, weâre fineâ
He paused like he was pondering saying something before he spoke.
âHavenât heard her cry in a minute, been doing better?â
You tried not to cling to the tone in his voice. He just sounded like he cared.
âShe definitely still cries, but yeah, betterâ
You leaned into him like you were gonna tell him a secret.
âAnd get this, she slept through the night last night. It was beautifulâ
His eyebrows rose, as an almost celebratory grin etched onto her face.
âYou gotta watch out for her, you may be raising the next Batman.â
You laughed.
âIf shes anything like her mother, not happening.â
You made a gesture for him to come in and he followed you into the kitchen, looking around the crowded apartment.
âSorry itâs not very cleanâ
That was a lie, it was actually the cleanest it had been in a while.
âCleaner than mineâ
âI donât believe thatâ
He scoffed.
âItâs trueâ
He took a second sitting down in your dining room. The sight was almost comical. He looked like an action figure in a dollhouse. Hunched over to fit into the small chair.
âIâll get some platesâ
âYou donât have toâ
âI want toâ
You rummaged through the cupboards before producing two similar-ish plates.
âSorryâ
âFor what?â
âThey donât matchâ
He chuckled, looking between the plates.
âTheyâre platesâ
âYou always so practical?â
He thought about it for a second before shrugging
âMostlyâ
You snorted looking down at the pizzas
âYou serve yourself because I donât know how much you eatâ
He chuckled at that
âI think I could eat the whole thing, minus the olivesâ
âMaybe 12 was an understatement from your brothers thenâ
He rolled his eyes at that.
âDonât remind me, what am I gonna do with all this food?â
He paused, a smirk etching onto his features.
âYou think big boss can help us?â
You started laughing at that.
âPizza infused formula sounds pretty good to meâ
He cringed, opening his mouth to say something before your stomach cut him off with a loud growl.
You froze heat rising to your cheeks
Jason looked up.
âI skipped lunch.â
And breakfast, but you kept that to yourself.
He nodded in understanding before putting half the pizza on your plate.
âEat.â
You smiled ripping off a piece, but before you could take a bite, a loud wailing sound rang out from your bedroom.
âOpps sorry, one secondâ
You sprang up a little too quickly, the room tilted in response.
You hand shot to the back of Jasonâs chair to steady yourself.
He was already on his feet
âYou okay?â
âYeah.â
You werenât. Gosh. You needed to get a hold of yourself. He probably thought you were the biggest mess.
âJust got up too fastâ
He frowned.
âAre you sure?â
You nodded.
âIâm okay, you donât need to worry about meâ
You forced a smiled, though the look on his face told you he wasnât convinced.
But before he could say anything else, Kali let out another cry, a louder one. And you quickly stumbled into her room.
Jason watched you disappear down the hallway. Once you were gone, his eyes drifted to the kitchen.
Sitting beside the sink was your pantry you had left open.
simon 'ghost' riley x f!reader | soulmate!au | 12.8k (oops)
Just because you were bonded, Ghost was all too aware, didn't mean you would stay together.
this is part 2 to faultlines in which Ghost didnât want a soulmate, and he was sure, if they existed, that they didnât want him either.
cw; soulmate!au in which soulmates share scars, abandonment issues, loneliness, references to self-harm, lots of talk about scars, angst, fluff, references to domestic abuse and past violence, references to simon's past, descriptions of pain, description of torture, canon typical violence, military inaccuracies, miscommunication, touch aversion, reallllly slow slowburn, ghost being sort of really bad and weird at affection and communication, making out, two people being so weird and intense about each other
Simon was not familiar with comfort.
It was unsettling, to be sat among cushions and piles of blankets, soft white light from the lamp heâd flicked on for you hours ago. Outside, the sun was beginning to rise, a spill of dusky, deep purple lightening the horizon, like someone had overturned a paint can. Â
His hands were curled into fists; his mask lay abandoned on the arm of your sofa. There was a basket of knitting to his left, a sweater sleeve unfurled over the side. Books lined several shelves, plants were gathered in the same terracotta pots as the ones in your office, in a neat fist beneath the window that overlooked the street.Â
It looked and felt like a home.Â
Simon couldnât remember the last time he felt truly at home somewhere. He stayed on base when he could; his flat was little more than a bed and a kettle.Â
He was watching the front door and listening to the domestic sounds of you puttering around the kitchen one room over.Â
âPlease,â you had said when he started to stand to follow you, fingers careful against his jaw, cradling his face as though he were something that deserved to be cradled. âYouâre exhausted. Just stay here.âÂ
So he did. So he was.Â
Patiently waiting for you to return, replaying the last few hours. Unwilling to admit it was with anxiety.Â
Your presence was a tug behind his navel, an urging to relocate closer to you, a glowing point of light he needed to seek out, swallow.Â
Simon wished things had gone differently. His own fucking fault for leaving things as they were, for thinking he could remain close to you, deal with the ancient pain in his chest because it was just another ache to add to the collection, with you never the wiser.Â
It wasnât fair to you.Â
He had never particularly cared about fair before.
He wondered what it felt like to you.Â
He couldnât imagine you felt warmth.Â
Ghost was a lot of things. Warm was not one of them.Â
But he had spent the last several hours with you in his arms, your lips against his, tracing scar for scar, memorizing each of the marks you had given him somewhere in the chaos of his own.
Simon might not remember where every scar on his body originated, but he was going to know all of yours. He wanted to know where you laid on his skin, every mark heâd ever overlooked. He would have a perfect catalogue of knowledge.Â
It was odd to be touched, and not exactly comfortable, not after so many years of covering his skin, insulating himself from any touch.Â
Touch meant harm.Â
It was a fact heâd learned very young, a lesson learned again and again, only compounded by life in the military where even friendly touch was tinged with roughness out of necessity.Â
Your hands on his skin felt like being peeled apart, unzipped, insides poked at. He didnât mind.Â
Nothing could have made him pull away from you.Â
Your fingers had traced the back of his neck, the soft, vulnerable space behind his ear. The touch was tentative. If he shifted even a little, you had retracted your hand.Â
A floorboard creaked, he glanced up as you appeared in the doorway.Â
âSimon?âÂ
You held out a hand.Â
He stood and took it before his brain could catch up, all instinct.Â
He had meant it, when he said you deserved better. But it was a commitment, a promise, too, when he said he was all you got.Â
.
.
.
Captain John Price was standing in your office.Â
You halted in the doorway with a cup of coffee, hot ceramic searing into your fingers. âCaptain Price,â you said. âGood morning, sir.âÂ
âGâmorning,â he answered with a nod.Â
âIs there something I can help you with?â You asked, crossing the room to deposit your cup at the edge of your desk. âWould you like a cup of tea? Coffee?âÂ
He shook his head, âThank you. Take a seat.âÂ
It felt wrong to sit behind your desk, so you dropped into Simonâs usual seat, tugging the black and blue blanket youâd knitted for him months ago into your lap. Price took the opposite chair. It had so often gone unused, aside from the odd analyst debriefing a too long meeting, until Kyle and Johnny began frequenting your office too.Â
Price didnât say anything for a moment, brows lowered, mouth a considering line. You fidgeted beneath his piercing stare.Â
âGhost told you,â you guessed after a few beats of painful, weighted silence.Â
He nodded after another long moment. âWe knew,â he admitted, eyes finally flicking away as he adjusted in the chair.Â
âI guessed as much.â
âBut,â he continued, sitting forward. âNow you know.â
You felt, suddenly, as though you were about to receive a lecture or a reprimand. You swallowed thickly, and nodded, chewing your lower lip. âItâs not ideal,â you acknowledged. âI know how bad it is.âÂ
He was quiet again, watching you. You shifted, uncomfortable under his scrutiny, not sure what you were being evaluated for or how to pass muster. âHe had to tell you,â Price said eventually, not unkindly, âIt was only a matter of time.âÂ
The words had to landed perhaps harder than Price meant them to. It had only been a few days since you saw Simonâs face, since you bonded, and you still felt wrong about how it had happened. You werenât sure if you ever wouldnât feel wrong about how it happened. You shouldnât have kissed him; you should have been able to let him go.Â
The knowledge hung like an invisible weight around your neck, that you were not something Simon wanted, but an unwelcome inevitability.Â
The memory of his touch, his extended presence in your apartment that weekend, made you feel a little ill on reflection. You should not have touched him, shouldnât have kissed him, probably should not have seen his face at all. It all felt like a choice he wasnât allowed to make.Â
You werenât quite sure where you and Simon stood now. Inextricably linked but to what end? What were you to him but something to manage?
I didnât want to tell you. I never wanted you to know.Â
Your belly clenched at the memory of the words, the heavy weight of the admission in his mouth.Â
Maybe that was all soulmates ever were, an inescapable obligation and nothing more. Maybe the whole thing had been romanticized to the point of becoming something amorphous and unrecognizable.Â
But when you thought of what he was to youâ
Mine, you thought immediately and unhelpfully, possessively.
It stung like salt in a wound. Â
He was anything but.Â
The warm glow of the newly stitched bond in your chest was accompanied by a different ache, a more mundane one. A bleak cloud of heartache. Â
The cruelty of it, the unfairness, smarted. Youâd always assumed that discovery would mean an end to the lonely isolation youâd felt your whole life, not an evolution of it. There was still nowhere for you to go, no safe place for you to settle, no person that wanted and accepted you.Â
You thought of the torment of the untethered bond. It had been excruciatingly painful, and you had only bore it for a few hours. And Simon had hidden it from you for months. His dedication to keeping you out, at a distance, spoke louder than any words could.Â
It was akin to sitting next to a muzzled dog. He was chained to you. On a leash he could never escape.Â
But youâd gladly keep your loneliness, if it meant he wasnât in pain. You just wished you didnât have to; you wished you belonged.Â
Maybe heâd left the bond too long and it had corroded, shorn down into a jagged point. It could never cause anything but agony between you.Â
You pinched your palm. âYeah,â you agreed. âHe had to.â
Price cleared his throat, sighed. âItâs not just Simon,â he said, âthat has to worry about you now. Youâre a vulnerability to all of us, to my team.âÂ
âI know,â you said again, because it had already occurred to you. That you now knew exceedingly dangerous information, how easy it would be for someone to make the leap of logic that you were important.Â
âBetter, for now, that it stays between us.â His eyes met yours, intense, serious and steady.Â
Though you knew he was right, though youâd already had a similar conversation with Simon, it still hurt somehow, still felt like what you imagined having a knife stuck through your ribs must feel like.Â
The discovery of a soulmate was supposed to be something that was celebrated. Announced to family and friends, parties thrown, congratulations given.Â
It was also, by nature of the rarity, something to fixate on. It had led to pairs being featured in the news, followed by throngs of people convinced that their proximity to a bonded pair alone would aid their chances of finding their own.Â
You did not want that, but it would be nice to tell your cross hall neighbor that had become a friend, or your sister. It would be nice to be able to tell anyone. The pride you should feel was replaced instead with something closer to shame.Â
You would only ever be a liability. Something to manage, something to hide. Not just for Simon, but for his team as well.Â
You were holding something so rare, something most people searched for their whole lives, and instead of letting it lie in the palm of your hand like the extraordinary sun soaked pearl it was, you had to close your fingers around it, relegate it to the dark cave of your fist.Â
âI understand, sir. I havenât told anyone. I wonât tell anyone.âÂ
Price relaxed a little then, leaning back in his chair. âGood.â
You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, calmer for the scent that lingered in the fibers and sloughed off it in waves from all the time it spent behind Simonâs shoulders, tea and tobacco, the faintest hint of summer grass lingering between. All those times youâd laid on it in the sun, inhaling his scent blooming in the air around you, soothed, flashed through your mind.Â
Those summer months seemed a lifetime ago. A different you. A different Ghost.Â
You glanced out the window.Â
The world beyond the glass was gray with autumn drizzle; the bright red and orange fan of changing leaves raked at low hanging clouds. The air was chilly, and already threatening a cutting, winter iciness. With luck, you wouldnât be stationed in England for much longer, and then none of you would have to worry about your inconvenient bond.Â
âIf the lads havenât said yet,â Price began as he stood, one broad hand landing on your shoulder heavily, âCongratulations. Glad Simon finally pulled his head out of his arse. I was beginning to worry.âÂ
You glanced up in surprise, lips parted. The small smile on Priceâs face faded. âSimon. . .â he started, then stopped. He contemplated his next words carefully before he continued. âSimon is more sensitive than he appears. Youâll take care of him.âÂ
The notion of Simon needing anyone for anything, should have been a laughable one, but coming from Price, it felt like the world tilting onto your shoulders. The 141 were a strange little family in their own right, one you were now an unfortunate interloper of.Â
They looked out for each other, now you were being tasked with the same.Â
Price wasnât asking a question.Â
You answered anyway.Â
âOf course I will.âÂ
He squeezed your shoulder once and let his hand fall away.Â
Ten minutes later, your coffee cold and abandoned at the corner of your desk, you were still sitting in Simonâs chair, picking at the blanket and anxiously worrying at your bottom lip. Â
It had just started to bleed, the tang of copper dripping onto your tongue, when Johnny and Kyle appeared at your door, Simon looming large and imposing behind them with Price in tow.Â
You stood, wondering if youâd been that lost in your thoughts that you hadnât noticed the hall outside lurching into motion around an op, when you noticed the cake box in Johnnyâs hands.Â
You frowned, glancing from the sergeantsâ open faces to the box in Soapâs hands.
âWhatâs going on?âÂ
âThink we wouldnât congratulate the pair of ye, lass?â Johnny said.Â
He slid the box onto your desk and opened his arms which you found yourself readily stepping into.Â
Your throat closed, a heavy knot choking you suddenly. You didnât look at Ghost over Johnnyâs shoulder, couldnât. âOh, wellâthatâs notâyou didnât have toââÂ
âItâs not nearly enough,â Kyle interrupted, âBut itâs the best we can do. Considering.âÂ
You had to blink back tears as Soap released you and guided you forward to flip open the lid. The cake was lavender, like your headphones and blanket. Words were scrawled with dark icing, along with misshapen blobs you supposed were meant to be flowers. The words were an illegible heap but it didnât matter what it said; it mattered theyâd gotten it, even if it was bittersweet.Â
Perhaps you were being afforded a little celebration after all.Â
âHad to do the writinâ ourselves, yeah? Itââ
âItâs perfect.âÂ
You felt small, safe.Â
It was not a bad feeling, even if it was a false one. Â
You still didnât look at Simon, afraid to know how he felt about it as he stepped into the room after Price.
âTheir idea,â he would tell you later, softly, when half the cake was gone and all but Simon had departed your office. Â
You could only nod, and wonder if that meant he hadnât wanted it acknowledged at all.Â
You didnât ask, the answer would probably shatter your feeble feelings.Â
Soulmates, ultimately, were supposed to be the thing their pair needed most, be it romantic, platonic, familial, even adversarial, in rare instances. There was no guidebook on figuring out which, or what came after, or what you were supposed to be.Â
For so long, you had held onto hope. A romantic, dramatic hope that you would find your soulmate and be granted that. Understanding. Feeling like there was one place you actually belonged. Someone who could see past the scars that kept everyone else at an armâs length, that made them believe they could never fit into your life.Â
Not even, really, you thought, were you hoping to find that feeling with your soulmate. You hadnât been delusional enough to think you would ever really find them.Â
You had justâwanted someone who saw you, looked past the scars and decided you could be home, anyway. The many failed dates you went on were proof enough of that, proof of your hope and longing.Â
But maybe this was why fate had stuck you and Simon togetherâyour ability to understand that what he needed most was to be left alone. And you were already so good at being alone.Â
You could give him the security of someone who needed nothing from him, of letting the bond lie dormant and cold, maintain his anonymity and the walls heâd built so carefully around himself. Â
A sentinel fate, a sword of his name.Â
You could give him that peace.Â
Your fate, it seemed, was as youâd once guessed.Â
You were meant to be alone. Â
.
.
.
Simon adjusted your hips with a sharp jerk and then pushed his palm between your shoulderblades until you tilted them into an angle he was satisfied with.Â
âEyes forward,â he grunted.Â
But you were giggling again, glancing over your shoulder with bright eyes and a genuine smile. A rare sight recently.
Had been sinceâ
âAm I holding it right?âÂ
He glanced at your grip on the blade in your hand, and nodded. You turned back toward the targetâa thick plastic training dummy littered with stab wounds. You had made steady progress over the last few months.Â
Simon liked training you, it settled some latent anxiety heâd never admit to, to know that you could hold your own, at least temporarily. Just long enough, as he always stressed to you, to escape danger, not face it.Â
But you were proving yourself to be surprisingly adept at sparring.Â
You were fast, and seemed to enjoy running. Cardio didnât seem to burn you out. He wasnât sure heâd ever seen anyone do as many jumping jacks in a row as heâd seen you do, seemingly just to do it.Â
You took quickly to instruction, minor adjustments in form.Â
You could wriggle out of ropes and zip ties. You could effectively parry, knew where the major arteries were and how to sever them.Â
And, after a few failed attempts earlier in the week, youâd learned to compensate for the weight and balance of the blade, and seemed to be comfortable with throwing knives too.Â
âWonât have this much time to aim, bird,â he reprimanded when you only stood there, unmoving, your eyes sweeping over his face, brows knitted and serious.Â
Your skin shimmered faintly with the dew of sweat. A faint gossamer sheen. He wanted to slide his fingers over the pulse in your throat, just to feel it kick. Maybe his teeth, too, to carve it out, hold the thread of your vein in his mouth.Â
The soft murmur of your lips against his skin, babbling nonsense.Â
The space between your shoulder blades was bare, the delicate lacing of a tattoo scrawled there. You didnât share tattoos, that pain must not count as scars in the cosmic bind of the universe.Â
The memory of that weekend together haunted him. How easily youâd fallen into each other, just to have it wiped away as soon as it was done. You bare legs in the kitchen, making tea, leaning against him as though it were natural, where you belonged. You stripped down to almost nothing, letting look at your scars as you carefully wiped the eyeblack from his skin, hands cradling his face.Â
He was perhaps plagued by those moments when he wasnât with you, the soft give of your body beneath his on your bed for two blissful nights, beneath him on the sparring mat, something of a distraction, something to sink his teeth into when sleep invariably would not find him. The memory of your safe touch.Â
He still wasnât used to being looked at so openly, directly, didnât understand what you got out of it anyway. He couldnât imagine what you saw, when you stared like you were trying desperately to preserve something as vital to you as air. He was right there, within reach and not moving away for once in his life. Not going anywhere. Never.Â
This, bound to you, was where he belonged.Â
But you seemed to keep skirting away. Pulling away from his hands, from him.Â
He wasnât built for this, relationships and emotions, for things that required a gentle touch and not the cold metal of a gun.Â
Wasnât good at it. He didnât know if he had done something wrong, crossed some invisible line, and didnât know how to ask either.Â
Was this another thing he had to figure out how to earn? Was this just another thing he was destined to lose, had already?
The stiff concentration melted from your face, replaced with a smile, amusement he missed seeing the last few weeks sweeping over your face, softening your features. âBut I have time now,â you said, before you suddenly pivoted and flung the knife, all in one fluid motion. Just as heâd taught you.Â
The blade buried itself deep into the throat of the target.Â
He raised a brow. âWhat were you aiminâ for, sweetâeart?âÂ
âThe head,â you admitted, sounding surprised yourself.Â
âNot bad, that.âÂ
âThank you, LT,â you said sweetly. âMaybe one day Iâll be able to take you on.â Â
He grunted, pressed another throwing knife into your hand and lifted your arm into position, cupped your elbow and drew it down a little.Â
You were liquid gold in his arms, warm and trusting, allowing him to adjust the angles of your body without complaint. He could feel you breathing; not just the physical rise and fall of your lungs, though he could feel that too. Ghost could feel the tight, corded line of your soul stitched to his, the warm voracity of it like a glowing line of light, a thin strip of aurora borealis. This close to you, he could feel the softness of your breath, the delicate beat of your heart through it.Â
He would probably never admit it to you, but Ghost missed the pain. He missed the watery, drowning ache in his lungs that meant you were on the other side of the glass, alive, waiting. The pain had been a constant reminder of your continued life. Being alive hurt, it only made sense, then, that the bond ached with your life.Â
The warm glow it had transformed into was nice, but it was placating, an illusion that things would always be all right. The comfort and safety of it itched, made his fingers curl with the urge to peel up his skin, pinch the pain alive again with his own bloodied fingers just so he was sure you were there.Â
You leaned back into his chest, the length of your spine laid against the bow of his body. Simon folded his fingers around yours, adjusted your grip on the handle, angled your wrist down a fraction.Â
Your hand was small in his, the fragile bones of your wrist like a bird's hollow wing. He thumbed at your pulse, wished he had taken his gloves off.Â
His nose brushed the shell of your ear, inhaling the sweet scent of your skin lavender and oak moss threaded with the animal salt of your skin.Â
You shivered.Â
âNot in this life or the next.âÂ
You laughed, a breathless catch in your throat. The vibrations of it again his chest like a half remembered song stuffed between his ribs. You turned your head and pushed your forehead against his jaw gently. He felt the shush of your breath against his throat. He wondered, not for the first time, why it couldnât always be like this. Why had things felt like one stumbling block after another since you saw his face?
Wasn't it supposed to be easy? Wasnât that the one thing soulmates were promised? Â
Heâs not particularly good at wanting things. Wanting meant asking for something he could lose, and heâd lost too much.Â
But now he had you, he wouldnât let go.Â
The half completed residency paperwork in his, until now, underutilized office, was proof enough of that. It had been almost a year. You and Laswell had promised a year. A contingency, a plan for you to stay.Â
You would stay.Â
He wasnât sure you would stay.Â
Probably, he should talk to you about it.Â
Simon wasnât good at this. Â
How hard could it be to ask his bloody soulmate to stay in the same country as him?Â
Very, apparently.Â
Heâd rather almost anything else.Â
Heâd rather present you with the residence permit like a cat with a dead mouse, wordless and hopeful.
Unfortunately, there was a lot of red tape that required him and you to go through, not limited to slicing his skin open in a court to prove his scars showed up on you. Â
All the fucking ones heâd already given you, wouldnât count.Â
Just because you were bonded, he was all too aware, didn't mean you would stay together. You could leave, die. Simon was the one to endure, he knew which of you would remain.Â
The closer he got, the further you seemed to drift away, something tender and self actualizing in your gaze. But heâd had a year to come to terms with it.Â
Maybe you just needed time to adjust to the idea of your soulmate being him. He wasnât the kind of person anyone hoped for.Â
âYou wouldnât let me win?âÂ
Simon didnât want to imagine a world where you were on the opposing side of anything, where winning mattered.Â
âTogether this time, yeah?â He said instead, squeezing your wrist.Â
âNot like Iâve got much of a choice.âÂ
âWant me to let go?âÂ
âNo,â you answered quickly. âNo.â Â
âAiminâ for the head again?âÂ
âThe eye,â you clarified.Â
He raised a brow. âAmbitious, that.âÂ
You nudged your temple against his cheek again, the flicker of your lashes through his balaclava like the delicate, furred wings of a moth. âIâm trying to be the best.âÂ
âAverage might be a more achievable goal,â he said wryly.Â
Your laugh echoed inside him again. âAffirmative,â you grumbled in a poor imitation of his accent.Â
He squeezed your hip in slight reprimand.Â
âBut I think I can do it,â you continued in your own voice, leaning into his hand. âI just need practice.âÂ
âMm.â He rubbed your wrist again, felt the steady flutter of your pulse against his fingers. âJust aim at something you can hit if you ever have to, yeah?â
Something youâd been over plenty, he still felt the need to repeat it. What do you imagine is going to happen to me? Youâd asked once. A question with far too many answers. Bad things happened to people he cared for.Â
âPromise,â you said easily. âI know where all the important arteries are, after all,â you murmur, teasing.Â
He grunted, unimpressed. âLot of good thatâll do if youâre aiminâ at the eyes.âÂ
You rolled your eyes and settled back into him, but you were laughing, reciting the names of said arteries under your breath. âAll right, enough of thaâ,â he muttered as he moved your arm through the motion once, before you swung hard and released the knife on the second pass.Â
This time it was at the right height, but off center. It hurtled by the targetâs ear and clattered to the floor.Â
âYouâll be turning enemy combatants into regular Van Goghs,â he said.Â
âVery funny,â you nipped, digging an elbow into his ribs, but you were giggling again. âIt was close.âÂ
âWas. Nice work.âÂ
You made a soft, self-satisfied noise, something near a purr in your throat. âThank you, Ghost.âÂ
He nodded as he released you and stepped away to retrieve the fallen blade. Cold seeped in as he did, a bone deep chill where you had been touching him. A thready, pulsing warning to stay near.Â
Moving away from you was no longer painful, but not exactly comfortable either. It was nice to be within the warm bubble your soulmate provided.Â
He felt it now, the retraction of that pulsing sweetness, like the petals of a flower furling closed. The bond was dynamic now, malleable and yielding, nothing like the taut, fragile, painful thing it had been for so long. Â
Simon felt it stretch, loop slippery coils around him as the tension popped like stiff joints.Â
When he turned, you were across the room, sitting on a weight bench as you pulled on a hoodie and kicked off your trainers. Not his hoodie, though heâd left one at your flat, thinking, maybe, you might want something of his, the way you had given him the blanket.Â
Done for the evening, then. The tightening in his chest he felt now had nothing to do with the bond; he could admit that.Â
You were no longer smiling, and the permanent stitch that had sown itself between your brows shortly after you bonded, had appeared yet again. Â
He collected the knives, approached you slowly, out of your sight line, watching the slant of your scarred cheek, the downward tilt of your mouth. You had been worrying at your lower lip with your teeth recently, and the crease in the middle of the plush bottom curve of broken skin was wet with the tiniest well of blood.Â
Simon remembered what it had felt like to touch that soft flesh, kiss you, lick into your mouth. It had felt likeâhe couldnât say what it had felt like. He didnât have the vocabulary, the understanding of the tangled mess of emotions in his chest, snarled and guarded as a nest of snakes. Unraveling it seemed unwise, a foolâs errand.Â
All he knew was that it hadnât happened, that he had been safe with you, whether he could name the emotions or not. He also knew that it had not happened again, and didnât know why.Â
And wanted it to happen againâfor you to stick your hands beneath the edge of his mask or shirt or anywhere at all and ask can I?Â
He wanted you, he thought numbly, stupidly, to hold his fucking hand.Â
It was sort of like being a lovesick teenager, only Simon wasnât sure heâd ever been that. It was all new. Â
If he could feel the weight of your proximity, you were able to feel the heft of his. But you didnât turn as he approached, head bowed over the laces of your shoes as you coiled them around your fingers and tucked them under the tongue.Â
The space beneath your eyes was swollen, discolored with sleeplessness. There was a bruise beneath the edge of your hoodie collar, more on your forearms and the sides of your knees. Defensive marks, sparring marks.Â
To see them brought him a kind of fucked up satisfaction.Â
Simon pulled off his gloves, slipped his hand into place on the back of your neck.Â
You flinched just a little, and then settled.Â
The memory of you lying in the grass behind the barracks in the summer sun surfaces quickly. How badly he had wanted to reach down and touch you then, touch his own faint, paper thin scars on your skin, the side of your throat, the hook of your collarbone, all those shining little reminders.
Now he could, he did, and you still felt far away, like there would always be something holding you at a distance. As though you were behind unbreachable glass, seen, but not heard, not touched.Â
What had Johnny called all that pain?Â
Bond corrosion. Erosion.Â
Maybe heâd let it go on for too long, really had damaged something vital, by denying it for so long. Maybe Ghost had inadvertently taken the one thing that was supposed to be a solace to you, and twisted it beyond repair. Maybe there was no comfort on your side, just a rusted lock that could never be pried opened again.Â
You tilted into his palm.Â
He hoped it was voluntary.Â
âGhost,â you said softly.Â
âBird,â he answered, drawing the word out lazily, letting his hand slide away.Â
Your mouth twitched into a half smile. âHey,â you caught his hand and tucked it instead between your palms.Â
He sat next to you, pushed his shoulder against yours. You fell against his side slowly, almost reluctantly. You laced your fingers with his. Â
Maybe you were just disappointed. Once the shock of finding your soulmate faded, once that restless, prodding first night together was overâhe wondered if you felt cheated, let down. Maybe the distance was protective.Â
Maybe he should just ask.Â
You sat together quietly, fingers threaded. He waited, hoping that if he waited long enough you would look up and smile and talk to him.Â
But the well of your incessant chatter over the last year seemed to have finally run dry.Â
Not only were you quiet, it was like you were lost, unsteady. âAll right?âÂ
When you met his eyes, your features softened. âYouâre not a bad teacher.âÂ
âReckon thatâs a compliment, yeah?âÂ
You smiled, settled more firmly against his side. Yours was a warm, welcome weight. Heâd not relished the thought of anyoneâs touch in a very long time, maybe hadnât ever. Kind touch was never something in high supply. But if you never let go, itâd probably be all right, that.Â
âYes,â you agreed. âVery generous with compliments.âÂ
Ghost wasnât sure those words, in that order or otherwise, had ever been applied to him before.Â
He palmed your cheek, tilted your face toward his, peering into your eyes like he was examining you for injury. âYou hit your head?âÂ
âLike you wouldnât have noticed.âÂ
âMm.âÂ
âSimon,â you said, his name careful and curling in your mouth, safe there. Your fingers were at the edge of his sleeve, the soft pads of your fingers against his bare wrist, sliding over the scars on his palms, defensive wounds that his mind refused to remember earning.Â
He nodded and you pushed his sleeve up.Â
âI think I found another,â you said. âCan I show you?âÂ
Simon didnât remember how he got every scar on his body, but he was trying to become familiar with all of yours. Youâd had trouble, though, deciding which actually belonged to you. Some of your scars were buried beneath his own, others were scoured so deeply on Ghost, that they appeared as though they could be yours on your skin.Â
It was odd to be touched, and not exactly comfortable, not yet, but he held still and let you have your fill, because he wanted you to. His body wasnât his in these moments, but belonging to you was all right.
Your fingers traced his forearm, sending skittering sparks of warmth along his skin, curled like shaved gold into his stomach. It was horrifying, really, the way you made him feel. Not like himself, too much like himself, or someone he should have been.Â
The touch was curious, and cautious.Â
âHere,â you pushed a finger into the middle of his forearm. The scar was barely visible on his skin, and buried beneath the black of tattoo ink. âI think I burned myself taking something out of the oven. It probably wouldnât have scarred but I kept picking at it.â You held your arm alongside his. The mark on your arm was deeper, puckered where his was flat. But they matched.Â
Your fingers wriggled inside his rolled sleeve and you traced a particularly deep gouge along the side of his bicep.Â
Shrapnel, he thought, but you didnât ask.Â
He waited for you to ask.Â
You both sat there cloaked in silence.Â
He watched the side of your face, the way your mouth twisted to the side, the downward sweep of your lashes fluttering against your scarred cheek.Â
âAnymore?âÂ
You shook your head and slid your hand up his chest instead, to the base of his throat. âCanâ?â
The word hasnât even left your mouth yet. Pathetic, he thinks, as he yanks the fabric over his head. He smelled of desperation, a deep need to be kept.Â
You smiled, touched his cheek, his ear. Your fingers scraped over the close cropped sides of his head into the longer hair at the top.Â
When your face tilted up, lashes fluttering closed, he met you halfway, tasted blood on your mouth. It was like coming home. Simon could feel his scar on your mouth, like you were echoes of each other, calling across something vast, receiving an answer anyway.Â
His tongue slipped into your mouth as your hands fisted in his hoodie. You groaned quietly when he threaded an arm behind your back, pulled you into his chest.Â
âSimon,â you mumbled, mouth traveling from his down his jaw and back, nails digging into his bicep. Heâd never get tired of his name, known and coveted, in your voice. You made it sound real, almost sweet.Â
He touched your jaw, your soft skin so different to his, the small of your back beneath your shirt.Â
The knot in his chest seemed to unravel, flatten out like a dog showing its belly, deeply satisfied, asking to be pickedâ
You pulled back suddenly and sucked in a sharp, awful breath. âJesus, Iâm sorry,â you said. âIââÂ
Simon shook his head, cupped the back of your skull to bring your forehead to him. You breathed, eyes closed, for a long time.Â
Eventually you blinked and met his eyes, searched until you found something that made your gaze close. A door shut in his face.Â
âWell,â you said, retracting your touch slowly, fingertips drawing down his jaw. He told himself it was reluctance, even if he knew better. âItâs late. I should probably get going.âÂ
He wanted to hold you gently, but was afraid he might crush you instead. His unwieldy hands were not suited for this kind of work.Â
âMm. Walk you to your car.âÂ
Your smile flickered a little. âWhat if I said no?âÂ
Then he would follow you anyway. He would make sure you got there safely, anyway. He might not be built for care, but he was built for that. For teaching you violence, for making sure you were safe.Â
âThen you go alone.âÂ
âLiar,â you said with a huff as you stood, bracing your hand on his shoulder. âI know your shadow now, Simon.âÂ
He just stood and held out a hand for your bag, tugging the mask back on with the other. He wasnât sure how he felt about that declaration. Â
You needed time, that was all, he thought again, for the disappointment to abate, for him to make himself useful to you.Â
Eventually, he would see your flat again. Heâd stand in your kitchen with a cup of tea and your smile would be real. Â
Simon should know better, by now, than to hope for anything at all.Â
.
.
.
The orders arrived one innocuous morning in November, passed to you by an administrative assistant on your way to your office, who smiled like the envelope was not essentially a live bomb. She was new to the base, her eyes bright and watchful. She had been in your office a fair few times, to pick your brain, she said. She wanted to work in intelligence some day, too, in more than a strictly secretarial role.Â
You took it from her with great trepidation.Â
âYou alright?â
âFine,â you smiled tightly as your stomach clenched.Â
Her smile turned sympathetic. âDonât want to leave?â
âI donât know,â you answered honestly, flipping the envelope over in your hands.Â
âCome now, Iâd wager Ghost will be none too happy.âÂ
You furrowed your brows and glanced back up at her.Â
Ghost was Ghost. You hadnât realized any of the others noticed him in your office. They were a nosy, gossipy bunch, such were the ways of intel, and you were sure one of them would have mentioned it, even passively, at some point. Â
âDonât know what you mean.âÂ
She smiled and rolled her eyes as she turned back to her desk. âSure.âÂ
You walked back to your office slowly, distracted, telling yourself it was somethingâanythingâelse.Â
You were not being stationed elsewhere; you were not being sent home.Â
You closed the door behind you and stood staring down at the all too familiar seal stamped next to your name. It didnât feel like your name, like your hands curling around the edges of the paper, claws that were already starting to dig in, so you couldnât be dragged howling away.Â
For a long time, you could only stand there, vision tunneling, mind sluggishly trying to catch up to what your heart already knew.Â
Eventually, you realized you were not drawing breath, and choked as you inhaled, the air thick with the scent of tobacco and black tea. Ghost, when you glanced around, was not there, but he had been. A cup of coffee was at the edge of your desk, steaming, still hot.
Because you still preferred coffee in the morning, despite having developed a taste for tea, and he knew that. He seemed to know everything about you.
It made you want to cry, but you crossed your office to your desk instead and sat.Â
Delicately you slit the letter open along its seam, and read what youâd already known would be within.Â
Home.Â
Only the shape of home had long ago shifted.
Home was here.Â
Home was the base and your softly lit office; it was your flat that youâd worked hard to make your own; it was tea with your coworkers and baking with your neighbor.Â
Home wasâ
Home wasâ
It would be better for everyone if you went home, but the notion of leaving behind the little life you created so painstakingly over the last year tied your stomach in knots. You liked your apartment and the base and your neighbors. You liked your coworkers and hot cups of tea on rainy afternoons in chilly offices. You liked Soap and Kyle and Price.Â
And Simonâ
You liked having him in your life, in whatever way he let himself be. You liked when he visited you. You liked being close to someone, even if it wasnât exactly in the way you wanted. You liked the quiet surety of your routine with him, even if it was unfair to both of you for you to be comforted by it.Â
Your chest ached; your throat closed. Â
It would be better for you to go.Â
You did not want to go.Â
You carefully pushed the letter back inside the envelope and thrust it into a desk drawer.Â
It felt more like an execution notice.Â
.
.
.
You managed to keep the information to yourself for two days.Â
The tender bruise it left on you only seemed to deepen, that well in your chest that was meant to bring you comfort only serving to pinch.Â
You wondered, again and again, if something had gone wrong. If you were not properly bonded, if Ghost had frayed the bond beyond repair like a dog chewing through its leash, if, perhaps, you had done something wrong. Maybe your disbelief has sown rot into your soul, an infected tether that poisoned both of you.Â
It was raining again, a chill passing beneath the frame of your window, the lights dim and low. The last of your coworkers had long gone home and night had long ago fallen.Â
You were curled in your office chair, your blanket and Simonâs tucked around your shoulders, when a gentle knock caught your attention.Â
When you glanced up and found Ghost in your office doorway, you smiled, you forgot for a moment about that letter in your desk and everything it meant.Â
âGhost,â you greeted, unfolding your legs, blankets sloughing off your shoulders and into your lap. âHey.âÂ
âBird.âÂ
âItâs late.âÂ
âIs,â he agreed with a nod.Â
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him and the knowledge that you would be leaving thisâhimâsoon clamped around you, seized something in your chest and squeezed. Fear and loss welled like twin heartaches, pooled in that hollow beneath your ribs that should only know warmth.Â
He paused for only a moment before he rounded your desk, cupped your face between his ungloved palms and tilted your head up. He didnât say anything, gaze trailing slowly over your features.Â
Your chest tightened with the examinationâbright, painful hope. To be the focus of your soulmateâs attention was like being buoyed, like sitting in the sun. It made you feel deeply settled. It was nectar sweet and confusing. You wanted to kiss him and felt as though you should ask for nothing and receive even less.Â
And guilt.Â
You felt guilty for not telling him as soon as the papers were handed to you.Â
You expected the contact to be brief, but when he pushed his forehead against yours, he left it there for a long moment.Â
He didnât usually and it gave you pause. His eyes were closed when you opened yours again. You felt as though he were asking for something but you couldnât understand the question. Exhaustion curled off him in waves.Â
âAre you okay?â His eyes flickered open, confusion swirling in when he found you already looking at him.Â
He tilted back and didnât answer.
âYou look tired,â you said carefully. âMore tired than usual, anyway.âÂ
âWhat are you still doinâ âere?âÂ
âWaiting for you to come make us a tea.âÂ
He made a soft huffing sound that you took to be a laugh. âAye?â
âMm.â Â
He made a discontent noise and pulled away entirely. âShite liar for someone who works in the shadows.âÂ
You smiled. âYou just know me too well.âÂ
âAlright?âÂ
A heavy hand closed around your throat and you glanced away. âYeah.âÂ
When he dropped into his usual chair, he tilted his head. You could read the words in his eyes before he said them. âWant to try that again?â
âI would actually like a cup of tea,â you said.Â
âIâll make you a cuppa if you tell me.â
You smiled, âNegotiating now?âÂ
âAlways seem to be.â Â
You frowned, not sure what he meant by that as you let your head fall back, wondering if you could put off telling him awhile longer. But Ghostâs suspicion was raised now. He looked relaxed, arms crossed over his chest, legs spread wide. His chin was tipped down, brows knitted together. You knew he was ready to go home, by the simple mask he was wearing and the dark hoodie he was swaddled in.
You thought of pushing the hood back, tugging the mask off, raking your nails through his hair as you had that day in the guy, and banished the image with a shake of your head.Â
You fidgeted, plucked at the edge of your sweater with nervous fingers. He wouldnât care, you thought, and you werenât sure what would be worse: apathy or relief.
Simon said your name slowly, a dangerous warning hidden somewhere in the back of his throat.Â
The sound seemed to take up space in your chest.Â
He watched you, waiting for you to spit it out, shoulders stiffening, brows an unyielding, lowered line.Â
You took a deep breath, bravely plucked the letter from its place in your desk drawer, and slid it across the tabletop toward him.Â
Simon went very still, staring at the unassuming little envelope. You waited and watched him, watched his eyes and the slope of his unmoving shoulders.
Tension bled into the air so thickly you felt as though you might choke on it. You clenched your jaw so tight that pain lanced down your neck and into the top of your spine. Â
Minutes passed and he didnât so much as twitch. You werenât sure he was breathing.
âSimon?â You said quietly, gently, as you could. âYou okay?âÂ
He blinked, seemed to come back into himself, gaze locking onto yours as he reached for the letter with large, ungloved hands. His eyes only slid away from yours again when he pulled the letter out of its sleeve and glanced down to read it.Â
âThatâs all right,â he said after a moment, his voice even.Â
Your belly lurched. So apathy it was, unmoved by the prospect of you leaving.Â
âI know,â you said quietly. Your voice cracked under the pressure in your throat, as you willed yourself not to cry. âNothing to make a big deal about. Just thought you should knowââ
He shook his head and abruptly stood. âGhostâ?âÂ
He crossed your office in two strides and wrenched open the door before he disappeared through it. Â
You frowned, wondering if you were meant to follow him, knowing that you never were. You settled back in your chair, tucking your legs in again, staring at the frost slowly creeping across the window glass, obscuring the fat yellow moon peeking from between parted winter clouds.Â
Simon returned, to your surprise, a few minutes later, with a file folder.Â
You felt a sense of dread as he dropped it on your desk.Â
âWhat is this, Simon?âÂ
âIâve already started it.âÂ
That did not answer your question.Â
You sat forward and pulled it toward you, flipped it open and found a half completed residency application. Your fingers froze before you thumbed through the myriad pages. Forms filled in in chunky block handwriting.Â
âWhat is this?â You asked again, attempting to quell the rising panic in your chest. âWhat did you do?âÂ
âThe bond has to be officially recognized first,â he said, still not exactly answering your question.Â
You swallowed. Youâd heard about formal bond recognition and frowned at the last several instructional pages. Required photographic proof of bond pairing, and, an in person demonstration of proof of said bondâ
You imagined it for a moment, the two of you before some faceless judge, Simon carving out another part of himself for the sake of you being able to remain when he didnât even want you. Didnât want you around, never wanted you to know who he was. And yet he was willing to shackle himself to you, toss the key away.Â
Nausea welled, a heavy hand closing around your throat. A date was scratched in red at the bottom of the page for mid-April next year. Distantly, you realized it meant he had been working on this, thinking about it, for much longer than you had. It was. . .sweet.Â
It should be sweet.Â
You were suddenly aware of how much you did not know about him as you read through the pages. His birthday. His last name. If asked to fill out his half of the forms, you would not be able to. But it was all there in his own hand writing, information freely given for you when he had only given up his name by accident. He was giving up everything he kept close to the chest, that he kept from everyone.Â
But your horror and revulsion won out when you turned the next page and found a scan of his military ID. His naked face stared blankly, uncomfortably out at you.Â
What it all meant crashed down on you with the force of a toppled building. You saw yourself demonstrating the bond again. Simon unmasked, a wolf without its teeth, because you knew he would never let you be the one to prove the bond. He would stand there and carve himself up, wrench out a bone and lie it down as proof.Â
Years of wishing you could protect the soulmate you didnât know from further harm curled fingers through the bars of your ribs, prying loose that desperation.Â
Now you could.Â
His name, his face, his privacy, his sense of safety.Â
You slammed the folder closed and shoved it away. âNo,â you said, horrified. âNo. Absolutely not.âÂ
His brows softened when you glanced up at him. His voice was maybe the gentlest you have ever heard. âI would do it, loveââ
You made an involuntary, distressed sound. âJesus Christ, Ghost. No.âÂ
All this effort was not his choice, and you couldnât take anymore from him. It was pity and harm rolled into one. It was self flagellation; it was locking a weight around his ankle and jumping into a deep lake.Â
You couldnât keep burdening the people around you, anyway. Simon with the bond he had no interest in and was plagued and bound by, the rest of the 141 being vulnerable for it.Â
Price had asked you to take care of him and you could.Â
Ghostâs gaze was hard when you met his eyes. âWhy not?âÂ
There was a dangerous edge in his voice, a fissure that said tread carefully.Â
âWhy would I ever want you to do this?â You fired back.Â
Your voice was panicked and louder than you meant it to be.Â
He shrunk away, at the same time that his shoulders seemed to widen a few centimeters.Â
âI canât do that to you,â you said, pushing the file back toward him. âI wonât do that to you.âÂ
âYou arenât going to try to stay.â His voice was flat and far away.Â
Something lurched behind your breastbone. You rubbed at the spot but the pain didnât fade. âI will not let you scar yourself for nothing!â You snapped.Â
He was so still, his body a coiled spring. âNothing.â His voice was hollow.  Â
You swallowed. âItâs easier this way, Simon,â you said after a long beat of silence. âItâs safer, if I just go.â Â
He sat back, like youâd punched him and was struggling for breath.Â
You watched the wall come down in his eyes, protective distance, that blank, far away, unreachable look he always used to wear when he first started visiting your office.Â
âThatâs what you want, yeah?â
You closed your eyes for a moment, and when you opened them again, he was gone, as though heâd never entered your life at all.Â
The room seemed to reverberate with the loss of him. A warning in the still, cold air, a tragedy leaching into your lungs.Â
You fucked something up, but you werenât sure what or how. You paced circles around your office until you felt ill. You knew he wouldnât come back, that you might have broken the fragile peace that existed between you.Â
Maybe it was for the best.Â
The pain didnât recede.Â
.
.
.
You used to have nightmares.Â
Each night you would lie down, close your eyes, and drown for a few hours. Long, looping gray halls, faint outlines of fists knuckled into drywall. You would search, thread your way up and down staircases without end, flinging open doors that led to the same bruised walls.
You could trace the trajectory of Simonâs life through your scars. The child abuse heâd clearly endured, the abrupt way the regular tracery of pain vanished, and then slowly appeared again. In starts and fits, enough for you to know that he had endured and finally escaped, and perhaps had a dangerous job, or lifestyle. You imagined a boxer, an MMA fighter. You imagined a construction worker, a welder, a fire fighter, a soldier. Â
For awhile, you were content, the dreams receded like nothing more than a bad memory. Mostly, he seemed to be safe, and that was enough. A new mark would occasionally be added to your skin, but it always seemed incidental, an accident or mishap. That you could handle.Â
Then those awful months had come, where each morning there were fresh marks. Your fear was like a fist in your throat. You rarely slept, afraid of what your mind would conjure, afraid of all the ways you could never help. Your soulmate was being tortured, of that you were sure, and you could only watch.Â
You would wake upâa plethora of new scars seared into your flesh, and a sense of pain, the impression of pain you should feel, lingering around you like a malignant cloudâand plead with anything, anyone that might be listening to help where you couldnât. Your throat, chest, and back saw the most damage then. No more defensive scars on your palms, but thin circlets had formed around your wrists. No more bite marks but that awful corded scar had roped its way around your throat.Â
The nightmares returned with vengeance clutched in their fists. Bloodier, more violent.Â
Now, dreams of perpetual, unending silence. A life lived alone. Those same looping, gray halls filled with doors that you could hear other people behind, just out of reach, all locked. Most times, though, the dreams were more violent than that, blood on concrete, endless replays of dreams past, torture past.Â
It filled you with a type of horror you thought long past you, that you thought couldnât be felt anymore.Â
But it was worse, now, knowing it was Simon that had inspired those dreams. It had been bad enough knowing only that it was the abstract concept of someone meant for you on the receiving end.Â
Youâre sure your dreams were only a whisper of what he experienced.Â
The dreams seemed to be arbiters, harbingers of some tragedy, rewritten lines of a play long acted out.Â
You missed him.Â
Didnât know how to check on him.Â
How to apologize for ever having shown up in his life.Â
It made you wish youâd turned down that transfer last year, that you had never gotten the one thing you always wanted.Â
Soap, when he appeared in front of you, assessed your sleeplessness with an astute, bluntness you only felt numb to. Â
âYe look like shite.âÂ
âThank you for that, John MacTavish,â you said, swerving around him and down the hall toward your office. âIs there something you need?âÂ
He followed you, situated himself as comfortably as he always did, firmly in Ghostâs chair.Â
âYou okay, lassie?âÂ
You clutched at the files as you hovered in the doorway and took a wincing breath. The pain hadnât gone away. âYes. Just tired.âÂ
âGhost has been tired, too.âÂ
âItâs a good thing you arenât a spy, Soap.âÂ
âAye, but am not tryinâ to be.âÂ
You huffed, tightened your hold on the files and tablet. The pressure against your chest helped. âIâm getting transferred home.â You smiled but it felt awkward and false. âGood news.â
He tilted his head. âFor who?â
âSimon,â you said easily. âAnd all of you. Iâm a burden the rest of you have to bear,â you attempted to joke.Â
Neither of you laughed.Â
Johnny was uncharacteristically quiet, the silence like a shroud.Â
âAnd you talked to the Ghost?â He asked after a long moment.Â
âYeah.â
Johnny frowned. âAnd heâs alrighâ with thaâ?â
You frowned back at him, fidgeted, plucked at the edge of your sweater with nervous fingers. âI canât ignore orders,â you said simply, though you both knew there was a solution. The one Ghost had already thought of.Â
Soap was still watching you, his head tilted to the side. âWhat dâye want?âÂ
A strange choking feel raked up your chest, bound itself over your heart. If you could, youâd slip into Simonâs bloodstream. To be carried there, to belong. You wanted so badly to be wanted, to have somewhere safe.Â
You shook your head. âI donât think it matters what I want.âÂ
It was unfair, though, that it didnât.Â
That you have never mattered.Â
A sudden, intense burst of anger welled up in the back of your throat. âIâm starting to think the whole fucking thing is foolâs gold.â You ground your teeth together, âI think itâs all bullshit meant to give you hope. And nothing else. It never meant anything at all.â
Johnny looked pained. âAch, birdââ
âNo,â you interrupted. âNo. Iâm sorry. Thatâs not fair of me. I think I am uniquely fucked up.âÂ
A burst of warmth made you whirl toward the hall but no one was there.Â
.
.
.
Once, Simon, without preamble, before you knew what he was to you, had abruptly asked one afternoon if youâd ever gone through RTI training.Â
âYes. I might not do field work, but I still know too much,â youâd answered and tilted your head curiously to the side. âWhy?â
He had not answered, but looked marginally more at ease.Â
âWere you?âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âTortured?âÂ
His eyes had flicked over you. âThink you know the answer.âÂ
You had nodded.
âThey say to compartmentalize,â you said, curious. âThat you buy time instead of trying to avoid talking. But I was never good with pain. What did you think of?â
In an odd bout of truth sharing he had said, âDead now, what I thought of.â He settled into his chair more firmly. âDonât think of anything you care to lose.âÂ
And that had been that.Â
.
.
.
Simon didnât say goodbye.
You werenât exactly speaking, anyway.Â
Silence had unspooled between you and him, thick and cloying, a rope that wrapped tighter around his throat with each coil.Â
Ghost still checked on you, watched from the shadows as you began moving through preparations to leave your post. Cases handed off to other intel officers, your office slowly depleted of the things that made it yours.Â
The potted plants in their terracotta shells disappeared and reappeared in other officesâin the break room, on a filing cabinet in the hall. The bug lamp vanished and so did your blanket and the lavender headphones, the stack of books in the corner. Your scent faded, that oakmoss and lavender that permeated the air seemed to falter more with each passing day.Â
When he peered into your office, a wraith at the edge of your life once again, you worked in total silent stillness in the cold room. You had not touched his blanket, slung over the back of the chair as it always was.Â
Things were moving too fast, and he was wasting time. You would be gone by the end of the year; it was already the middle of December. He knew, when he looked in on you before they left, that it would be the last time. He would return to the base and your office would be empty, bereft.Â
Soap was staring at him from across the transport plane, his brows drawn down, fists curled loosely around the straps of his vest. His sergeant looked angry.Â
The air was cold.Â
Simonâs skin ached. That bloody pain was under his ribs again. Â
He couldnât stop thinking of your blanket. Why would you remove it first when you needed it? You were always cold, always sun seeking. Your blanket abandoned, his hoodie you wouldnât wear. It was like you were abandoning comfort.Â
âThe lass seemedââ
âThatâll do, Sergeant,â Ghost cut Soap off quietly, a warning in his voice. If Gaz and Price were listening, they didnât show it, huddled over a tablet together at the far end of the hull.Â
Soap glanced away. âWas cryinâ before we left.âÂ
Ghost jerked his gaze back up.Â
âEnough,â he snarled, and then felt exhaustion tug his anger back down.Â
He closed his eyes and leaned back, letting the heaviness of his gear fall against his body, crushing even as his spine loosened.
It was enough.Â
He didnât need to be reminded of your misery, or your rejection.Â
Domestic conflict didnât suit him. He was afraid of it, had only ever watched it end with a bruised cheek, tears, a voice like knives. He already swore that he would never be that kind of man, that he wouldnât become his father.Â
Conflict that couldnât be swiftly ended with a gun or a blade was out of his bloody purview.Â
You deserved better, and that truth had never been more apparent or that you knew it too.Â
Why would I ever want you to do this?
Fair enough question.
Mapping his own fear wasn't easy. It didnât come naturally.Â
He wanted nothing more than to scoop it out with a rusty spoon, put it on offer to you.Â
But you didnât want that, and heâd known that all along.Â
The plane hummed and shook like it was in the fist of a giant, shuttling them through the sky, an overgrown child with a toy.Â
âAye,â Soap said, an unusual snap in his voice. âMaybe you were right, LT.â
Ghost opened his eyes.Â
It was bait.Â
They both knew it.Â
Ghost asked anyway, his voice low and dark. âUsually am. Care to tell me what about this time?âÂ
âMaybe she deserves better.âÂ
.
.
.
Task Force 141 was deployed on an emergency op. They left three days ago, chasing some nightmare that they had dealt with before. Intel that you had pooled and passed off to Laswell without too much thought about it, turned out to be something theyâd long been searching for.Â
Price checked in with you. Kyle and Soap said goodbye.Â
Ghost disappeared without a word.Â
You caught a glimpse of his shadow disappearing down the administration wingâs hall before they had gone, warmth fading around you, and knew he had been outside your office. His involuntary monitoring only served to make your chest ache.
You knew that you werenât likely to see any of them again. Your apartment was a sea of boxes; your office was bereft. It was unclear how long the op would last.Â
You werenât likely to see Ghost again, anyway, who had become as good as his namesake over the past few weeks. It was terrible, the way you waited and hoped that he would come back to you, just so you could say goodbye. He was impossible to hunt down when he did not want to be found.Â
As it stood, you were alone, your office was empty for all but the equipment you were given on your first day and Simonâs blanket. You werenât sure what to do with it. It wasnât yours but leaving it behind to be tossed in with the trash or thrown in storage somewhere to rot, festering alone, eaten by moths, seemed wrong. Â
Still, you had left it over the back of his chair. Maybe he would see it when he returned and finally take it with him.Â
You did, however, keep the hoodie he had left in your apartment. No one had to know that you slept in it, felt comforted just by touching something that was his.Â
Were you especially pathetic, or was that something all bonded soulmates felt? You couldnât imagine Simon feeling that way about something of yours. It was hard to imagine him being comforted by anything besides a gun, a knife, his own violent hands. Â
Maybe if you werenât so upset, maybe if things had gone differently, you would have noticed you were being followed long before it was too late to do anything about it.Â
You were walking from your car to your apartment, gym and work bags slung over your shoulder, sweat still drying between your shoulder blades when the unease settled around you. You felt watched, not in the way that you had become accustomed to.Â
The back of your neck prickled, some long buried sense warning you that danger was near. When you glanced over your shoulder, the street was empty and blue in the waning winter light, the barest fanning of snow shimmering, fans of yellow puddled down the sidewalk behind you.Â
But you could hear footsteps.
You didnât change your pace, slipping your hand into the front pocket of Simon's hoodie instead, feeling the comforting weight of the switchblade gifted to you all those months ago. Cold, solid metal.Â
It felt a bit like safety, wrapped in Ghost's fading scent, the knife he'd given you in your palm.
All those nights you stayed late on the base, Simon waiting patiently for you to leave, eyes closed, arms crossed before he walked you to your car flicked through your mind.Â
The irony struck you now, of all those careful wanderings to your car, no one had ever been there along this route. The path from your car to your front door was barren, the moment of your day that you were most alone.Â
When you glanced behind you again, still no one was there. Â
You told yourself it was nothing, though every instinct was telling you that wasnât true. Cold bled between your shoulders, snaked down your spine in a warning drip.Â
The footsteps faded but the watched feeling didnât.Â
Once inside you locked the door behind you and made a beeline for your bed side table drawer where youâd stored Simonâs half completed residency application. You started to shred it with your hands before you realized that would not be enough.Â
A thud on the landing outside made you jump, confirmed your worst thoughts. You were on your way out, all the case files and hard drives you had been trusted with handed back over to Laswell, debriefed a million and one times. There was only one thing someone could be looking for.Â
You calmly carried the documents to your kitchen and threw them in the largest pot you had. It only took a moment for it all to go up in flame after you dropped a lit match in, suffocating his name and yours, the edges of the copy of his military ID going at the corners and then swallowing his face.Â
You wanted to dig your hands into it, scoop the ash into your mouth, just to keep it all safe.Â
For half a moment, as smoke curled around your kitchen, you felt stupid. It was probably nothing and youâd just erased the only memory of your soulmateâs face you had been allowed.Â
Then, the front door exploded inward.
You were slammed into the counter, scattered remnants of the meager combat training you had received flicking through your head.Â
But your body was faster than your brain, you wriggled loose and stabbed upward with the blade suddenly in your hand.Â
You both seemed surprised when you made contact, slicing a long stripe along his cheek up to the corner of his eye. The point of your knife sunk into his eye, and when you ripped it back, blood sprayed across your ceiling.Â
You had been drilled not to linger though, yanking back when he released your elbow, screaming and clutching his face.Â
You dodged two more men whose fingers grazed you but didnât catch. They seemed more surprised than you were that you avoided it, that maybe Ghost had been telling the truth when he said you were unreasonably fast.Â
You flung your knife at the one in the foyer, and watched it sink to the hilt into his throat.Â
You didnât pause, flew down the steps to the road and wrenched down a black street and then a tiny alley that you hoped you could lose them in, that you could get lost in. The irritated crash of voices followed you as you zigzagged through the streets of the town that had become your home, and now had turned into a maze.Â
Distantly, you realized they were speaking in Russian, footsteps pounding against the pavement behind you. The wind was bitterly cold, snow burning down around you.Â
Ghostâs words fanned across your mind, you just had to be fast enough to run away, to hide, that was all. You held onto his voice, the memory of him guiding you.
All you had to do was run away.Â
But you turned down another street and found the narrow close ended in a brick wall that you were not tall enough to scale.Â
This time when you were pushed forward, your temple connected with brick, stars bloomed across your vision. Your arms were pinned immediately to your sides.Â
You threw your head back, skull connecting with a crack against someoneâs nose.Â
âYou fucking bitchââÂ
Thick fingers against the back of your neck, slamming you forward into the brick again. This time nausea crawled into your throat along with pain and a thin trickle of blood, stars blooming across your vision.Â
âEasy, easy! Nothing that will scar. Not yet.âÂ
You were shoved harder against the wall, an uncomfortable, heavy weight bowing your spine, but your captor was careful not to let your face rasp against the brick again.Â
Blood licked warmly into the corner of your mouth, dripping lovingly into your mouth. A nerve throbbed behind your eye. You grunted, air squeezed out of your lungs when the man behind you leaned harder on you. âCareful, little rabbit,â he said.Â
Footsteps sounded behind the pair holding you captive, slow and measured, a brutal, unhurried pace that eventually stopped to your left.Â
âI donât have to wonder what you were burning, but I think I can guess,â he said by way of introduction. âLetâs see her face.âÂ
The hand on the back of your neck cupped your jaw instead, yanked your face around so violently you felt it in your neck.Â
A manâs face swims into your peripheral vision. Dark, sharply intelligent eyes met yours. Predatory, like looking into the teeth of a fox. You had seen his face before. And if he was here, the op the 141 was currently on was a decoy. Â
Fear swam into your gut, adrenaline sweeping down your spine.Â
âAh,â he said, reaching out to stroke the back of his pointer finger down your cheek. âYou must belong to Ghost,â he said. He drew a blade slowly from his trouser pocket. It sung as he flipped it open and held it to your throat, drawing it shallowly over your flesh. âNo one else has so many scars.âÂ
You shivered and the blade bit deeper into your skin.
You felt blood pool warmly in the hollow at the base of your neck. âYes, I think if I had Simon Riley here, youâd match, wouldnât you?â His eyes flicked over you, watching you closely.Â
You didnât blink, despite how irked you were that he knew Simonâs name. Didnât acknowledge the implication of your scars. âHe wonât come,â you said, voice hoarse. âIf thatâs what this is.â Â
âHe will,â he said, withdrawing the knife, wiping it clean on a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket, swiping it neatly clean. âSimon Riley,â he said again, drawing out the syllables of a name you wanted to rip out of the air, stuff in your own mouth. âHe tends to have this kind of bad luck with things he cares for. Donât you agree?âÂ
You didnât move, didnât breathe. The lancing pain in your head was growing and thinking was a failing battle. The pressure on your spine was intense, your lungs crushed beneath the weight of the man holding you in place, a mouse beneath a paw.Â
You closed your eyes. âHe doesnât care about me.âÂ
âThat is not how soulmates work.âÂ
You laughed, a choked horrible sound to your own ears.Â
The world tasted like blood.Â
Like the copper tang of a penny pressed beneath your tongue.Â
You could taste it on your teeth.
âThen you donât know Ghost very well.â You said. âHe doesnât want me.â If anyone could overcome that instinct, that taboo, it was Ghost. He would not come for you, of that you were sure. It would be easier. âHe wonât come. Itâs the tactical choice.âÂ
âI suppose we will see, will we not? We will have fun together, you and I, in the meantime.âÂ
He disappeared from your view, footsteps disappearing back down the close.
Panic settled hard and fast in your stomach, what you were about to endure whether they killed you eventually or not.
You squirmed as the weight eased off your back, kicked backward desperately. Your sneaker connected with a shin before you were jerked around and slapped. You lunged forward, not sure what you were about to do when a sharp pain bloomed in the side of your throat and the world went dark.Â
There was one thing you were certain of, though, as your consciousness faded and your body was hauled through the dark, the thickening snow.Â
Makarov was wrong. Â
Simon was not coming.Â
And you, as always, were alone.Â
.
.
.
Ghost couldnât shake the feeling that something was wrong.Â
The base felt eerily silent as he tracked through it, hauling his kit, beelining for your office, the failed op like a warning bell in the back of his mind that he couldnât ignore. Â
It was your intel, Laswell said, that led them there. Â
Your office was empty, dark.Â
The only personal item left in the room was the blanket you had knitted for him all those months ago, left across the back of the chair he always sat in.Â
He pressed gloved fingers against it and a chill curled in his gut. Your office, for so long a comfort, a warmth, a haven, felt barren, vacant. It smelled of dust, and he knew you hadnât been there in a few days. The scent of your perfume no longer lingered in the air, your presence as faded as if youâd never been there at all.Â
It did not help the feeling that something wasnât right.Â
An indescribable, irrational fear gripped him. Like talons hooked around his lungs, pulling them slowly from between his ribs. The pain had returned, settled as neatly behind his breastbone as if it had never left.Â
Nausea wound tight in his throat. He pressed a hand against his chest but it didnât ease. It lingered, seemed to pulse worse than it ever had before. He had heard you and Johnny, once, talking about the pain. There were cases where it had returned, when soulmates were separated against their will, or, if one was in danger, dying, hurt.Â
Usually it meant the pair was dying, it was a warning, an easing into the snap of the bond being severed forever.Â
Simon dropped his kit, kicked the door shut and yanked up his sleeves, the hem of his shirt, searching fruitlessly for a needle in a fucking haystack.Â
It was faint, at first, because it was yours and not his, buried beneath pain and thick scarring and years of not taking care of those scars.Â
He watched, for the first time, as a scar that wasnât his bled into his flesh.Â
A deep one, puckering the meat of his forearm in a new and disturbing way. It was not an accident. A message was being writ in your skin for him to see.Â
It didnât hurt, and that was the worst part. The ghost of pain seemed to linger in the air above it, pain he should feel and didnât, the suggestion of torment like an electric current he desperately wanted to stick his fingers into, wrap around his wrists and yank away from you.Â
An involuntary, nearly inaudible sound wrenched out of him.
It wasnât just one. The more he stared, the more faint, flicking lines he saw, across his arms, his stomach.Â
He knew what it meant.Â
He didnât know how to process what he was seeing, or the feeling that accompanied it.Â
The uncertainty and fear youâd once described to him, of knowing that his soulmate was hurt but not how, of being helpless to watch, washed over him in a violent wave.Â
He took a deep breath.Â
Then another.Â
Simon was gone.Â
Price, he knew, would still be in his office.Â
if you made it this far thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you thought!
rookie!reader x lt ghost in which you realise you dont know how to address these feelings for your lieutenant
no cw, fluff, romance , mentions of a stab wound, very silly and fluff.
a/n: this takes place after they kiss and rookie wants to address it but doesnt know how, but idk after that. Itâs a silly chapter and also not completely proofread but itâs fluffy and soooo much romance i heard your call guys i deliver
Rookie Masterlist
ââ
âYou like him, dont you?â
âNoâ itâs not like that!â
Thatâs what youâve been telling yourselves for weeks now, especially after he had kissed your head just before leaving for a mission. Thereâs nothing casual about thatâ surely? You brushed it off, wallowed over it while he was gone, then tried to ignore it altogether when he came back and didn't act all that different to you at all.Â
He was a lieutenantâ you shouldâve known there was absolutely no way, a rookie and a Lieutenant? Yeah, no chance.
So youâve been forcing it down the back of your mind since, not letting your cheeks burn even for a second else you ruined a perfectly good relationship you already had with him. Thatâs right, you couldnt possibly afford to mistreat his kindness for something like thatâ heâd think youâre a freak for real this time and actually call HR. He had threatened already when you stupidly said he was hot but you refuse to regret that too muchâ youâre allowed to acknowledge a manâs attractiveness. A compliment if you will.
All your reservations came crashing down that fateful week of his injury, insecurities boiling up and making you threaten to leave. That wouldnt even be the worst thing, if he hadnt chosen that time to kiss you, and then you asked for more?!
âWhy did I do that?!â You groan loudly, rolling over to hide your face in your pillow in hopes itâll knock you out enough to forget all this. You kissed your Lieutenant and you have no idea what the hell youâre going to do about itâ what the hell even are you meant to say?!
âSir i just had romantic relations with can i eat breakfast with you and the team without my face burning up every five seconds?â
âHey Lieutenant i just kissed, do you mind if i sleep in your bed and i get clammy and freeze up every five seconds like a right idiot?â
âHi guy i just kissed, do you mind if we do it again?â
You groan louder this time, using your hands to push the pillow against your face because this really should be the death of you. How did you even get yourself here?Â
âPoor method of killinâ yourself, bird. Recommend ya at least add some water first.â
You sit up immediately in horror to see him standing there in the doorway, stature sluggish from a trip out, duffel bag in his arms. As soon as he could walk again, he had to go down with the 141 somewhere, not that they made him do anything too strenuous.Â
âWhatâs with the deer stare? Iâm fine, promise.â He raises a brow at your terrified face.Â
âY-youâre early.â You eventually manage to squeak out. Youâre not worried about his injuries this timeâ he was supposed to be back next week. And you were still figuring out what the hell you were gonna do.
âThought itâd be a good surprise, or not? If you want to have a bath today you still can.â Surely he mustâve encroached upon some plan you previously had, but you just meekly shake your head.
âNo, itâs okay. How long are you back for?â
âA while, wrapped up somethinâ big so nothing for a while.â
Shit.
âââââââââ
âSergeants want to watch a movie in the rec room, you comin?â He had just finished up in the shower when he got the text from them, apparently spontaneously deciding when they got a good deal on a takeaway too.
âUmm..â Youâre playing a game on your phone, clearly having not even processed his question yet as you narrow your brows at the screen in concentration.Â
âHello? You lost in your pretty little head again?â He waves his hand in your face, effectively making you miss your attack and you quickly swat his hand away. âWhat is it?â
âMovie night, yes or no, love?â
âDepends, are you going?â You repeatedly tap the screen and yet the boss is still standing, what is this thing made of?Â
âYes, and they bought snacks. So thatâs basically a yes from you, wash up and weâll go.â
The game ends with a success on your end and you grin, letting it drop to your lap as you finally look up and register all the words he had just said to you. âOh, sure, a movie night sounds good. I mean iâll watch whatâ wait, what did you say before?â
âI said youâre lost in your pretty head again.â He repeats so casually like it didn't just rewire your entire brain chemistry. You watch as he tucks away some of the papers he was working on earlier, locking them in his draw before walking over to you. âYou good, love?â
âY-yeah, just deciding if i need to uh.. check my armoury or something, yeah..â You mumble out, quickly standing and heading into the bathroom with the soft slam of the door. You were not surviving tonight.
âââââââ
You passed out on the couch almost immediately after that to save yourself from any more embarrassment. Except, now you couldnât help but crave for even more of his attention like that.
It didn't hit you until a week later, in which you joined them on a mini operation of a sorts. Really you were just in charge of watching the cameras for them since the usual soldiers were all caught up on something. It all went smoothly, and you started the drive back to base except.. a storm had started thundering down and having the heating racked up caused the petrol to run out faster than planned. So you all stopped off at a petrol station in the dead of night, the rain still pattering down as you and the sergeants rushed in.Â
âNot always safe in there, iâll be outside, okay?â Simon mumbles, following you to the woman's cubicle, and you sleepily nod knowing that some creeps liked to linger in these places.
Thankfully you had no such troubles, and it was even actually clean! You grin to yourself as you wash your hands, already thinking about the bag of m&ms you were just about to buy for the way back.
âAll done!â You hum as you step out and he stands from where he was leaning against the wall.Â
âGotta grab some stuff first, carâs acting up a bit.â He starts walking and you follow, watching him look at a rack of engine oil and coolants. Truly you probably would be able to help, but youâre kind of tired right now so you just leave him to it. Instead you over the top of the aisles, noticing the lack of anyone around. Johnnyâs mohawk seems to peek out near the fridges, along with Kyleâs cap, but thatâs it apart from the cashier.Â
You turn your attention back to Simon again whose picked up one of the coolants, looking it over at rhe details. His other hand hangs useless at his side but with his gloves off for onceâ and yours cold from the rainâ you can't help but stare at it a bit too longingly. Before you can really think twice about it, you lightly tap your hand against his, before gently slipping your palm against his. He glances at you for a moment, but you keep your gaze stuck to the floor, half expecting him to pull away with a roll of his eyes.
Instead, his fingers lock your hand in place, pulling you along to the next aisle with him as you let a smile spread across your face. His hand warms the chill in your body, making even your face start to feel warm too. âWhat dâya want?â Heâs pulled you into the chocolate section, mandatory for any late night drive.
âM&Ms please.â You squeeze his hand as you crouch to look at the offers on the bottom shelves. âReckon we have to get some sour gummies too.â
He nods, and then cocks his head towards the bag of wafer rolls and you practically look at him with stars in your eyes. You grab all of them, his hand still in yours as he heads to the counter. Itâs even harder to push down the rising warmth as the cashier smiles at your romantic display despite the late hour. Maybe Simon was just doing this just to make you seem more normal, just like the cash he fishes out his pocket and places on the counter. Cover the tracks, right?
You notice Kyleâs hood as he stands by the door, waiting for you too and embarassed, try to pull your hand away from Simon. Unfortunately for you, he just squeezes it tighter, giving you a knowing look. âWhaâs wrong? Eager to hold it before, why not now?â
âSimon!â You hiss and he chuckles, waiting until the very last moment to finally let you go, making you grumble at him.
âPrice said the weather will clear up in a bit, then we can call Laswell and share some info.â Kyle hums as he walks beside you two to the car. He pauses for a second, and then a cheeky smile lifts across his face. âLt, Iâm gonna take your place in the front, you can take the middle seat.â
You don't even get a say in the matter as youâre immediately squashed against the window, the weight of him constant beside you. The car starts moving again, snacks open and pass around, and then just as he passes you the chocolates his arm settles around your head. Just resting there, like a personal pillow.Â
âUh.. rookie?â
You snap out of your thoughts, looking up to see Kyle staring right at you. âY-yeah?â
âJust was gonna ask to have some but you look a little too comfortable there.â He teases, a smirk rising on his lips before you shake your head adamantly, practically shoving the chocolates in his hands.
âIâm being squashed. Itâs all your fault for sitting upfront.â
âââââ
Itâs been a few days since, and thankfully heâd been so caught up in other work he forgot to even address that at all. Wait, were you supposed to be the one to address it? Did it need addressing?
Regardless, heâd been called out for another mission and so a few days spans into two whole weeks. Usually you were fine with him being gone, so why did your chest ache every time you saw his neatly folded sheets? It got to the point you had to mess them up, sleep in his bed for one night even if it killed you more laying there without him warm beside you.Â
All of a sudden, you were noticing his abscense everywhere. The lack of his stupid alarm that made you groan into your pillow, none of his clothes hanging to dry in the bathroom, the bathroom always available for you to use. And yeah, you had friends you could hang around and often did while he was here, but there was something so incredibly lonely about returning to a quiet room with not even a sign of him there. Not even one of his spare masks hanging off his chair.
Even when you got pissed off at a cocky soldier, said somethings you probably shouldn't have and had gotten glared at by a superior, his office door was still locked shut. You couldnt even go in there and get scolded by him.Â
You officially cant take it anymore after another week goes by with absolutely no news at all; itâs not like you exactly had an outlet to get information from either. So you sulked, and spent your evenings sitting on his desk chair, on his bed, maybe even wearing the old hoodie he had chucked out months ago.
âWait! Are you seriously throwing that out?â
âWell.. itâs too small for me. Nothing i can do about it unfortunately.â
âCan I have it?â He raised a brow at the time, but you knew how soft they were from the odd chance you were sorting a muddled laundry pile. It was really good quality, better than you could ever splurge on.Â
âI mean.. my titleâs faded anyway.â He had shrugged it off, leaving the room before you even got a chance to slide it on yourself.
It was warm, so warm, and even though itâd been a while you could still make out the one cologne he swears by. You made a few small adjustments so itâd fit better, damn menâs clothes and sometimes fitting weirdly, but now it swallowed you perfectly.
Something startled you awake tonight, making you wearily blink as you roll over to check your small clock. Only twelve am, it wasnt even that late. Must be the foxes mating again. You groan at the thought of their noises all night, before trying to fall back asleep again. Except you cant, at all. You toss and turn and toss and turn to absolutely no avail. What frustrates you even more is than when you roll back over, his bed is still as empty as ever.Â
Even better, you totally forgot to refill your water bottle before knocking out. So now you have to get out of the warm covers, grab your shoes and water bottle and walk the three whole minutes to the rec room. You suddenly stop right outside, seeing light peeking out from the crack beneath. Only you and the rest of them had the key, or well that was what you were told. Maybe that CIA agent had come by? Â
Laswell you think.. or maybe not. Youâre too tired to care, what are they gonna do, sue you?
You push the door open, immediately freezing in place. Simon is stepping towards the counter, stripped down from his gear and clearly having recently returned. His hair is still damp from a hot shower, a few streaks of black still smudged around his eyes. Worst of all, his hand is hanging wrong, and you can see the way his shirt doesn't sit on his arm as well as it should.
It makes tears prick in your eyes, because regardless it is still him, and heâs here after what? A month? A whole four weeks, thirty or so days away?Â
You barely make out more than a squeak before the door swings shut behind you, the soft sound of your slippers pattering against the floor. Then out comes his immediate huff, the air forced out of his lungs when you suddenly throw yourself against him.Â
âLoveââ
âItâs been a whole month! A month! And you come back nowâ randomly- and you didn't even wake me up!â You curse him, contradicting your arms that are tight around his middle as you hug him with all your might, utterly determined to take everything youâve missed for months.
âThough you were sleepinâ. Itâs late, bird.â He chuckles at your angry words before his uninjured arm strokes down your hair.
âSo is this like..?â Johnny is the first to break the silence, and itâs only then that you realise the other three had been settling down on the couch when you barrelled into Simon.
Quickly, you scramble back, completely awake now as you frantically glance between Simon and Kyleâs phone that had been directly pointed at you too. âI- iâ heâs injured! I wanted to make sure heâs okay!â
âSo you arent wearing his hoodie right now?â
Now that you had stepped back, the sight of you was all Simon could focus on. Your hair tousled and tucked beneath the hood, eyes drowsy and slippers tucked on beneath your cozy pajama bottoms. Of course, his hoodie swallowing your upper half, his surname written across your back and front.Â
You swallow hard, would he get angry at you for being so careless. What if he didn't want them to know about your relationship? What if this wasnt even a relationship?!
âI didn't even know you had that..â He mutters, making you blink back towards him whilst desperately trying to defend yourself. For once in your life he genuinely looks somewhat speechless, just staring at you.
âWell?â Kyle is pushing, you know it from the cheeky smirk across his lips that you want to let your fist collide with.Â
âSheâs mine.â Simon says, leaning down to kiss your lips right before them, not even a care in the world. Youâre speechless because you thought he wouldn't be as shameless as that and clearly the sergeants have similar thoughts from how they immediately shut up aswell.
Price finally breaks the silence with a fake scoff. âI thought I was in charge of soldiers, not a bunch of teenagers.â He directs the last bit towards the Sergeants who still have their jaw gaping in disbelief.
âYou knew about this, didn't you?â Kyle huffs, offended and Johnny nods in tandem.
âSimon- stop!â
You groan, wiping your cheek with your sleeve after he presses another kiss to your cheek, practically smacking his lips on purpose to piss off the other two.
âJust showing my love for you.â
You all give him practically the exact same look, and youâre positive that if someone had their thermal scope on you theyâd see a fiery red and youâd encourage them to take the shot.
âYâwant tea, bird?â He pulls away to attend to the kettle that just finished boilingâ of course, he did.
âHot chocolate, extra sugar.â You grumble which he only chuckle at, pulling out the bag of marshmallows from the cupboard.
âYe know ye cant go out with us anymore, right?â Johnny suddenly says, arms crossed over his chest and giving you a look like he came straight out of mean girls.
âWhat?â You raise a brow and Kyle dramatically nods along, turning away from you to grab himself a mug for his cuppa.Â
âOur pub nights are for the single people, not the ones lipsing our friend.â
âHeâs the one lipsing me!â You argue, unsure if they were really joking. The single thing was supposed to be a joke, right? âYou cant kick me out!â
âWell, weâll consider your place with one condition.âÂ
Johnny adds, snatching your hot chocolate before Simon can hand it to you to take much more than a sip, earning him a glare. His lips lick off the whipped cream coating his top lip, chocolate sticking to the bottom one as you steal it back. âYou gotta introduce us to some of your friends. Your nurse one is a real bonnie lassâŚâ
âNo way!â You shake your head adamantly, not because you dont want your friends to be happy, you really do. But these two..
âYou dont even wash your hands before you eat sometimes! And who knows how often you even clean your clothes.â
âOh come on, Lt wears one bloody mask, he probably stinks.â
âWhyâre you complaining at me? Every time we go out, Kyle gets asked for his number at least twice.â
As you direct your squabbling to Kyle, Simon hands Price his own steaming mug which he takes gratefully. âSo, you finally told âer then?â
Simon grunts in return, even as he chooses to sit right next to Price, knees touching him as he watches you point a finger right at Kyle and argue. âWhen I got injured.â He reluctantly says, pausing to take a long sip of the tea. âShe got really upsetâ said she was only burdening me âcause she doesnât have experience like i do.â
Price chuckles at his words, since it was a situation he could imagine fairly quickly with you who wore your emotions more openly than the rest of them. He was glad that Simon had you, the Lieutenant had worked hard for too long without a reward, and of course the sergeants got a taste of normalcy when they interacted with you.Â
âI want front row seats at the wedding, son.â He pats Simon firmly on his shoulder, already having finished his drink and now standing to place it in the sink. It was time to get some sleep too.
Simon doesn't roll his eyes at the implication, nor does he even grumble at the teasing tone. Price had a habit of getting what he wanted, and this time he couldnt deny this request.
ââââ
âI canât believe you got hurt and youâre just walking around no problem. I mean, is it not kind of fun complaining?â You raise a brow at the thought, knowing the hard way how much his stab wound hurt.Â
âReckon Price would laugh in my face if I asked him for a day off.â He grunts and you snort, because you know he totally would. Not because he wouldn't give him one, but more so the fact the Lieutenant would have to be joking to ask for that.
He steps out of the bathroom, caught immediately on the sight of you sitting against the pillows of his bed. Youâre picking at the insignia on his shirt, a simplified version of the taskforce symbol, as you wait for him to come and join you. But the fact is that you look gorgeous dressed in his clothes, the way they seem to make you just glow from their dull colour.Â
âSorry for keeping you up.â He mumbles, turning off the mainlight and shrouding the room in darkness. He pats the bed first, making sure he wont squash you as he slides beneath the covers. The duvets move as you do the same, until your hand finds his uninjured arm and soon enough youâre clinging on.
âIf i knew youâd be back, i wouldâve waited.â
You huff, and he knows youâll get annoyed tomorrow that he didn't give you better updates. Itâs not his fault he prefers surprises. The both of you fall silent for a moment as you readjust, you curling into his side as his arm settles behind your headâ his bicep a very comfortable pillow.
âCant believe i almost didn't see you in my hoodie.â He grumbles suddenly, and you groan, feeling your cheeks warm all over again.
âI told you i didn't mean to! It was my last sleep shirt.â
âDoesnt matter, itâs a bloody sight.â You feel his lips press against your cheek again, a silent reassurance.Â
âSi?â
âYeah, sweetheart?â His hand rubs your waist gently, the warmth of him radiating so hot it makes you melt even further. You cant believe you almost missed out on this tonight.
âThink i got a crush on you.â
That makes a laugh rumble through his chest and your hand that lays across it, the breath he exhales blowing the top of your head. âI must be bloody whipped then, huh?â You feel him relax properly now, making your smile only grow knowing youâre the sole reason for that.Â
âYou gotta say if you like me back.â You feign annoyance and he huffs properly this time, kissing your head.Â
âI love you, sweetheart.â
He feels your finger stutter against his chest, like you froze up just from the confession, before your nose pushes into him as you hide your face.Â
âI love you too, Si.â
ââââââââââ-
Rookie Masterlist Buy me a coffee!
OH MY DAYS I ACTUALLY DID FLUFF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A HOTTTT MINUTE now i need someone to get brutally injured so the scales are balanced
Also the taglist is now unfortunately closed because i have 2 and im scared im gonna get like attacked for tagging too many yk
summary: After you befriend Damian Wayne, the 12 year old in your pre med class, you canât shake the feeling youâre constantly being watched. One night when you try to protect him from Gothamâs favourite crime lord âRed Hoodâ everything changes.
Parings: Jason Todd x reader, Damian Wayne x reader (platonic), DonnaRoy!
Tags: Alcohol, cigarettes, mentions of sex, slowburn, fluffy, mentions of violence, blood, reader lwk doesnt like Jason, art creds to stefphe on tiktok!
Notes: lwk I hate this but itâs done so that counts for something. Between school and work expect pt 3 is a mystery.
Divider creds to @cephalo-fox
For the next two days Damian didnât show up to class.
And for the next two days, you couldnât shake the unsettling feeling in your gut.
Every time your phone buzzed with news of a murder or an attack on Gotham, you wondered if he was alright out there.
And, Thinking about Damian involuntarily led you to Red Hood.
He had left in such a rush a couple nights ago. It was impossible not to wonder if something had happened.
It just didnât seem right. How could anyone put a child in a cape and expose them to such terror and violence on a daily basis?
You also, ashamedly, felt so much lonelier.
You really needed to work on your social life if the absence of a 12 year old boy had left a noticeable hole in your routine.
You couldnât remember the last time you went out with your friends, or even alone for that matter. The last couple months being spent completely engrossed in labs, lectures and study sessions.
So, when your friend from your anatomy class invited you to her boyfriendâs birthday, you agreed without much thought, welcoming anything that would distract you from the mess that is your life.
âYou can honestly show up whenever you want,â she shrugged pushing her long black hair behind her shoulder.
âitâs by no means a small partyâ
âAre you sure heâd be ok with me coming?â
She giggled like that was the stupidest thing you had ever said.
âHe told me, verbatim, invite as many people as you can, the more girls the betterâ
You blinked.
What the hell. Maybe you got the wrong idea about their relationship, but what kind of a guy says that? Your shock was obviously evident on your face because Donna began to kneel over in hearty laughter.
âDonna-â
âStop- no it sounds bad- but I swearâ
She wheezes in between chuckles, trying to catch her breath. Before she looked at your face and started to laugh even harder.
âHeâs got his heart set finding a girlfriend for one of our friends thatâs all, heâs not planning some weirdâŚI donât even knowâ
âWell donât count me into that, after the last guy, my motto is if heâs never had a girlfriend, itâs probably for a reason.â
Donna snorted, a sly grin etching onto her face
âPreach.â
-
If Damian said one more word about his stupid biology teacher. Jason was going to lose it.
After his injury, heâd kept insisting he needed to go back to school to help you.
Jason told him that he needed to rest, that thatâs what you would have wanted.
Then Alfred had given the kid painkillers.
Which turned his composed sentences into incoherent babbles of your name
It was more than annoying.
Mostly because every time Jason heard it, sharp guilt twisted in his gut.
It was something he had barely ever felt.
Regret? Sure.
shame? More than heâd like to admit.
Anger? All the time.
But guilt? Barely ever.
He hated it.
He had nothing against you personally, but he just hated feeling things that he couldnât understand. And plus, it didnât help that lately his mind kept drifting back to the night he came into your work.
You confused him.
The way you tried to act brave, even though it was completely reasonable to be scared at night in Gotham.
The way that you had immediately trusted him after finding out Damian was his brother.
And how had you made friends with the one person that thought civilians were incompetent.
It made him wonder who exactly you were.
Damianâs babbles of your name had now turned into the most obnoxious snoring Jason had ever heard.
He was definitely his fatherâs son, no DNA test needed.
Bruce was lucky he loved the stupid brat, or he would be doing something way more important with his time than watching the kid.
On top of that Roy wouldnât stop messaging him about his stupid party.
He would honestly rather patrol in one of Dickâs skin tight Disco-wing suits than make mindless small talk for 4 hours.
He barely left the house as himself. Save for a few trips to the supermarket and the bookstore. And it wasnât like he could just show up as Red Hood.
He remembered the way you had treated him like heâd ever actually hurt his own brother. He could only imagine how a room full of drunk civilians would act.
God. Roy was lucky he owed him.
-
When Jason had finally arrived at the party he was 2 hours late.
And as soon as he walked in, he already wanted to leave. The place was unlike anywhere heâd been as Jason, colourful streamers, flashing lights, and loud phonk music that he could feel at the back of his teeth. It was all very Roy.
âJacey! You came!â
Right on cue, Roy greeted him with a firm slap to the back of his neck. Jason gave him a playful shove in response, but Roy intercepted it, grabbing his hand and pulling it around his shoulders.
âI thought you werenât going to come to the most important night of the year!â
Jason scoffed.
âAnd miss this? Also, you sent me 47 messages, and called me 19 times.â
Roy leaned in, trying to hear him over the loud music, and Jason could smell the alcohol on his breath. That checks out
âMy favourite message was âstop kicking and get lickingâ very convincing, pretty poetic too.â
Roy barked out a laugh, giving Jasonâs shoulders another shake.
âWhat can I say? Give me some liquor and I become Shakespeare.â
The pair fell into their usual bickering, and Jason began to regret coming. Roy normally was barely tolerable, but Roy on alcohol was a whole other plane of annoying.
It got 10 times worse when he had gotten reminded of something and stilled, a serious expression taking over his light features.
âI have a mission for you tonight, Jason, itâs the real reason I threw this partyâ
Jason had known him long enough to tell by the first word that whatever he was going to say was going to be a badly thought out joke.
âYour mission tonight soldier, is : socialise, pick up some chicks and most importantlyâ
He leaned closer to Jasonâs ear, stabilising himself on his shoulder before whispering.
âGet laidâ
Jason let out a scoff but it was so pained it sounded more like a groan.
âDo you accept your mission soldier?â
Jason put his palm on Royâs face, pushing him away.
âFuck offâ
He walked away Roy following closely behind; maybe too closely for his liking.
âCmon! Perk up! I invited heaps of girlsâ
he whined, stretching out the âeeâ sound.
Jason couldnât suppress an eye roll.
âHow excitingâ
âI think one of themâs perfect for youâ
Jasonâs eyes found Royâs only to find a wistful expression on his face
God, He was already planning the wedding.
âRoy-â
âShes right over there, stunning girl really.â
He guided Jasonâs vision to a tall blond-headed girl. She was good looking, thatâs for sure. Dressed in a light blue dress that clung to her skin.
âAnnnddd best of all she has all her organs!â
Jason let out another scoff, it felt like the 10th time in the past minute.
Roy really was the idiot.
âAs enticing as that sounds Roy Iâm not-â
Before Jason could even finish his sentence, Roy was calling her over.
This was going to be a long night.
-
When you had arrived at the party you were immediately blasted by the strong aroma of alcohol.
You texted Donna telling her you were here. After a couple minutes of no response you made your way to the bar to get a drink.
It wasnât long before you were approached by a red headed boy you assumed was Roy.
âHi, you must be Roy!â
He side eyed someone in the crowd a sly grin inching over his face.
âDonnaâs friend, right?â
âYep.â
He looked you up and down, like he was mentally checking boxes in his head. His pupils were huge. Definitely drunk.
âYou single?â
You sipped your drink.
âYou better be asking for a friend.â
He chuckled. His grin widening.
âHmm, you got some fire in you, I like that, thatâs good â he said, his eyes searching for someone behind you.
âLeave the poor girl alone, Royâ
You grinned, Donna, your saviour.
âShe needs to meet Jason-shes perfectâ
Well if he says it like that you had to meet the guy.
Nothing says true love like meeting at a crazy frat party while drunk on enough alcohol to sterilise a lab.
Donna gave you a hug, rolling her eyes at Roy.
âYouâve pushed like 50 girls on him in the past hour, the guys done more socialising tonight than heâs ever doneâ
Royâs friend started to sound very familiar.
Maybe you should be the one socialising.
While the couple continued to bicker back and forth you decided to skim the crowd finding anyone else you knew.
Before you felt a stare on you.
When you turned around your eyes locked.
A man.
A beautiful one at that.
Strong jawline
Dark, thick hair and eyebrows
Scars littered across his face and body.
And if he wasnt blessed enough, he was absolutely massive.
The kind of guy people crossed the street to avoid.
Not you though, he was the perfect kind of giant that you wanted to climb like a tree.
Tall, with muscles for days that were still noticeable under his baggy clothing.
You were checking him out and you werenât ashamed. I mean he was the one that was staring at you.
You were so entranced with this random man that you didnât realise that the couple beside you had stilled.
When you sheepishly turned back to them, Roy was giving his girlfriend a look that said âseeâ
âIs that Jason?â
God you needed another drink.
Donna nodded and Roy smiled so big you wouldâve thought Donna had proposed.
âI am the smartest best matchmaker, and you need to apologise for doubting meâ
It was either that or you were the most desperate woman in Gotham. You hoped it wasnât the latter.
Roy was vibrating with excitement and you went to look back at the man, only to realise he was gone.
Great.
Either he'd seen you staring and fled, or you were so touch starved youâd hallucinated a hot man that was interested in you.
âIâll go find him, stay hereâ
-
After 1 drink and two shots, you still hadnât met Jason.
In fact you hadnât even left Donnaâs side. You trailed closely behind her as she checked on party guests and introduced you to some of Royâs friends.
But it wasnât long before she got pulled away leaving you alone in front of a dance floor full of strangers.
You decided the best course of action would be to sit back down and scout out the crowd.
But when you tried to make your way back to the bar you were shoved into another random man, and before you could even apologise, you felt icy liquid soak down your front.
You looked down.
Great.
Your white shirt had become a very poor choice.
You mumbled an apology to the man as you hugged your arms around your body, trying to preserve whatever dignity you had left.
If you had any.
It all became too much after that.
Your head began to pound.
Between the music, the lights and the amount of people, your brain had met capacity.
Two seconds without Donna and you had already made such a fool of yourself.
God. You wished you were home. In bed, maybe sipping some tea instead of cold and wet.
Maybe you weren't built for parties.
Or maybe you'd just forgotten how to be around people.
Whatever it was, you needed some air.
Stumbling outside you took a couple breaths, closing your eyes and just letting yourself focus on the feeling of the cold wind against your face.
But when you opened your eyes again, you realised you werenât alone.
There was a man next to you.
Royâs friend. Jason.
He looked you up and down lazily and you were suddenly very self-conscious of yourself.
Oh my god this attractive guy could basically see your bra. Youâre basically naked in front of him.
Like he could hear your thoughts his eyes flitted down to your boobs, before he looked you in the eyes.
You shivered, trying to internally quell your freak out.
âYâgood?â
Blowing out smoke from his cigarette, you couldnât help but stare in shock that he was talking to you.
âY-yep- yeah Iâm fineâ
You leaned up against the wall next to him, wiping your sticky hands on your skirt.
âYour Royâs friend right? He was telling me about you- well he was telling everyone-but.â
He scoffed like he hated that you brought it up. Lord, why did you do that? He can socialise without Roy. You had probably just insulted him.
âYep, I canât tell if this is his birthday or tinder in real life.â
You giggled.
Okay, not bad he was joking with you, maybe you could be friends.
âHe told me youâve spoken to every girl here tonight â
He rolled his eyes again.
Dammit, the sass on this man
âAgainst my will, I couldnât get a second to breathe.â
Should you be giving him that. Were you in his way? You continued despite the thoughts.
âHe seems..enthusiastic.â
Jason snorted
âthatâs one way to put itâ
Silence stretched between the two of you, while you thought about what to say and he thought about, who knows what. This whole interaction would be so much easier if you could only just take a peek into his brain and see if he was pissed or not.
Because right now you couldnât tell if he wanted you to buzz off or stay.
You decided to test the waters.
âSo how do you know Roy?â
âUnfortunately.â
You giggled.
âCollege?â
Jason shook his head flicking the but of the cigarette to the floor and stamping on it with his shoes. You could barely hear the sound with the loud bumping of the party music.
âMutual friendâ
You nodded as you stared forward.
âLucky you?â
He huffed. It almost sounded like a laugh.
âDepends on who you askâ
The silence settled again after that
Right
That was your cue to leave.
âWell it was nice to meet youâŚâ
You knew his name you just didnât want to seem like a creep.
Which you kinda were with the way you wanted to take him home.
When he said his name you told him yours with a shy smile.
And for a second you couldâve sworn he cringed. But it was gone before you could fully acknowledge it.
âRight..â
No wonder Roy tried so hard setting him up.
He was impossible to talk to.
Itâs almost like being intimidatingly beautiful can only get you so far.
Not like you were any better, but at least you put in some effort.
Maybe the real reason you were so annoyed is because you wanted him to like you so bad.
It was kind of pathetic, but you wanted a turn with love. And you kind of hoped for it in every interaction you had.
Maybe you were desperate.
You clutched your purse to your body as you pushed the heavy doors of the club open, the loud booming of the music drowning out your thoughts.
As soon as you walked in you noticed Donna, stood next to a boy who looked strikingly similar to herself. Tall with thick black hair and blue eyes.
He was very attractive no doubt. But your mind couldnt help but compare him to Jason.
âWhat happened to you?â
She said, trying, and failing to stifle a laugh.
âItâs not funny, drunk people have no spatial awarenessâ
The comment made you sound like Damian. You cringed at the thought, wanting to take it back.
The man next to her smiled at the comment, a tinge of reminiscence in his eyes.
Did you know him or something? You wouldâve remembered someone who looked so similar to Donna.
âIâm sorry! I havenât introduced myself. Iâm Dick! Itâs nice to meet you..â
parents will really name their kids anything these days.
You gave him your name and a grin turning to Donna and putting an eyebrow up.
âYour you guys related? You look crazy alike.â
They shared an amused glance, like that had triggered some sort of inside joke.
âYouâre not the first person to askâ
Dick said with a smile.
âYou at GU as well?â
You asked
âNah Iâm a detective, skipped school altogether.â
You werenât surprised at that. Dick looked like what a policeman should.
He was kind, warm, and had this energy about him that made you feel incredibly safe. You couldnât help but picture him helping a cat out of a tree, or reprimanding young juveniles.
The thought made you internally chuckle.
âI wonât hold it against youâ
He scoffed.
âHey Iâd like to think im trying to better the system, Iâm one step in the right pathâ
âThatâs exactly what all police say, dickheadâ
Donna chimed in.
The nickname shocked you, but she spoke it with such ease that you brushed it off. You wonder how long theyâve known each other.
In reponse Dick ruffled Donnaâs hair, the thick strands sticking up in response.
âShut up, your literally dating Royâ
You chuckled at that, and she gave you a playful shove in response.
âYouâre supposed to be on my side, girl code and stuff remember?â
Any feeling of remorse you had for your laugh died when you saw the grin on Donnaâs face.
âIt was a laugh of admiration, Roy seems⌠loveableâ
Dick let out a loud laugh at that.
It was true, although he was extremely high energy, you can tell how much he cares for the people close to him, especially Donna and Jason.
âYour just mad Jason ran off after your little staring contestâ
Dickâs eyes widened.
âJace is here?â
He turned his head from side to side before he continued.
âSo he shows up for Royâs birthday but not mine what an ass.â
Dick knew Jason? Does everyone here just know each other?
Gosh maybe itâs time you make your own friends. Your mind involuntarily drifted to Damian. Gosh. He could be dead and you were out partying. You needed to get home.
You waited a while, for Dick and Donna to finish bickering, chiming in here and there, before you spoke.
âAnyways Donna, I came to find you because I need to get home.â
She looked nervous, like she had made a mistake.
âAlready? Is everything okay?â
âYeah, I think Iâve had enough partying for tonight, or maybe everâ
âIâll drive youâ
She started digging in her purse before pulling out her keys and dangling them in your face.
You snatched them from her hands repeated her gesture.
âYouâre drunk I called an uber a bit ago it should be here soon.
âIâll walk youâ
Dick interrupted
That was honestly the last thing you wanted. You barely knew the guy and you didnât think you could handle any more small talk.
âYou donât have to I-itâs fineâ
âItâs Gotham. And Iâm a police man. Itâs my legal duty.â
You couldnât really argue with that, especially because he looked so proud at the statement, like he was really doing some good.
It was so cute you had to tease him.
âFine but I might have to record, power imbalance and allâ
He groaned and clutched his heart like it hurt him.
âLow blowâ
The night air was blissfully quiet compared to the pounding music inside.
You let out a breath you hadnât realised you were holding.
âI swear Iâm not usually this awkwardâ
So you were lying now. And to an officer. This night did not end how you planned it.
He grinned like he could see right through you. But for some reason it didnât bother you.
âYou seem fine to meâ
You raised an eyebrow at him.
âI walked over wearing a drink and making fun of your job, all while Donnaâs talking about how Iâm planning on macking on your friend, and then fled outside.â
The corners of his mouth tilted up like he was suppressing a laugh.
âOkay, maybe a littleâ he considered it.
âBut only because you said itâ
You gave him the warmest smile you could muster as you tried to focus on the street signs.
But when you looked back over at Dick his eyes were fixed across the street. It had your heart racing in fear
âseriouslyâŚ?â
You followed his gaze.
Jason was halfway across the block. Hoodie up, and hands stuffed into his pockets, disappearing into the night without so much as a goodbye.
âHe always leaves parties like that?â
Dick smiled but it seemed more fond than amused.
âIf Roy wasn't impossible to say no to, Jason would've stayed home.â
You watched Jason disappear behind the corner eyes fixed forwards.
âYeahâ you murmured. Trying your best not to leave any lingering glances.
âthey seem pretty close, you can tell Roy cares about him a lotâ
The zooming of a car interrupted your thoughts.
Your uber
Time to go home alleluia.
You said your goodbyes to Dick, as you hopped in the car. Digging in your purse to find your phone.
As the city blurred past the window you could only think of one thing. Damian.
You just hoped-
Your phone buzzed.
BREAKING NEWS: Gothamâs âBlackgaterâ gang reported taking hostages in Bristol, Vigilantes sighted responding.
Please be okay.
-
Damian was already out of bed.
âAbsolutely notâ
Bruce crossed his arms standing in the preteenâs way.
âYou are not returning to patrol.â
âNo, but I am returning to schoolâ
âYou lost enough blood to need a transfusion.â
summary: jason has no weaknesses. especially not that one bookstore keeper he visits every week. he merely needs new book recommendations, and you're the only person he's willing to trust. about the books, obviously. or jason todd falls miserably, pathetically in love with a bookstore keeper who insults him on first recommendation.
pairing: jason todd x fem! reader
You don't expect any customers tonight, not when Friday's are usually associated with activities more enthralling than a shabby bookstore that smells faintly of over-stewed tea. Your fingers itch to flip the signboard around to 'Closed', but they squeeze habitually around your mug instead. A brown rim has formed around the interior from the untouched tea left hours ago when sunlight still graced the shelves near the window seat.
Three minutes to closing, you decide to give the store the respectful grace of being a decent employee and waiting for the clock to strike eleven. At least, that's the excuse you give yourself. Your fingers tap lightly against the solid wood of the make-shift counter, a haphazardly placed desk shoved between shelves and boxes that are to be sent to the recycling center tomorrow. Your life is almost perfectly mundane.
The bell rings.
Almost, except for one sole factor. Your gaze shifts, your neck craning towards the door. Here, you thought your last visitor would finally break the pattern. It's certainly not Margery, a lady who thinks herself the most important customer to this small establishment, always inventing new cons in a skewed attempt to bargain for more free books as gifts for her many nieces and nephews.
This visitor carries a scent of smoke, broad shoulders stretching out a worn, leather jacket. Even from your skewed view, half his back turned towards you, he's gorgeous as he always is. Almost out of place, body stiff as his gaze glances past the stained glass stickers pasted onto the windows, shading the jagged line over his cheek in reds and blues. A familiar, brute tension stuffed into his posture, shadows striking his skin. Smaller, faint scars litter his jawline, and one prominent jagged line is carved into his cheek.
Your secret visitor, who brings in the scent of iron, faint bruises across his cheek on some nights, that goes by the name, Jason.
"Here I was thinking your terrorising finally came to an end." Your voice echoes, a teasing tilt laced in its croak from hours of going unused. "It's nearly closing hour, Jay."
Despite the limp that accompanies his gait, clearly wounded somewhere beneath his large frame and thick layers of clothing, his own smirk greets your gleam of teeth. "Couldn't end a shit week without a recommendation."
Your heart skips, like the quick traitor it is. You feign a casual expression, as if you didn't have his next read hidden under your stack of orders you've yet to shelf.
"Bringing in blood to the floorboards again?" You raise a brow, gaze flickering to where his boots left imprints on the scratched-up wood.
"Nah." His smirk widens, stopping before you. "Wouldn't want you making use of free labour again to mop the dust off this place."
"Wouldn't be too difficult if we didn't have to use bleach, genius."
He shrugs, looking down at you with a pleased expression. "Useful skills I teach you, all without a price, sweetheart." His voice rolls over you like thunder, a low gravel for that mocking nickname he picked out for you like you're the only person he's ever given it to.
Your neck cranes to meet his gaze. "Right, next time I need help cleaning blood trails, I'll call my favourite potential vigilante."
"Oh, so I'm a favourite now?" His brow raises.
"You're so full of yourself." Your bite holds no mark, softening in its edge when your fingers trace over his next recommendation stuffed between the stack of new donations. Dragging it out, you hold it out with held breath.
It never gets easier, the silent exchange. The anticipation, the brief few seconds of waiting as his gaze assesses your pick. It had started out exactly like this, and like some idiotic, preening teenagerâyou had hoped with every right choice you made, it might heighten the chances of him coming back.
This isn't a library, an establishment where he had to return to at some point. No, he could very likely purchase your selection today, decide it was absolute shit, and never return. Yet, he always came back, and you began to lean on the crutch of a belief that he would continue to.
"Call it a profitable relationship." You joke, even as your heartbeat faintly thuds in the pads of your fingertips, digging into the spine of the copy you reserved for him.
He takes it, fingers brushing over yours. That lingering second of contact feels intentional, but the ghost of his touch disappears before you even have the chance to register its searing warmth.
His smirk dials down into something softer, more genuine. This is the part you love most, and secretly dread that you might not receive. That rare spark in his gaze, to receive something so personal based on the assumption of what he might like. All narrowed down from a history of ten minute exchanges every week in the dead of night, shared between an academic victim who likes spending too much of her time waiting for a suspicious individual to sneak into a local bookstore, and said suspicious individual.
"It's a local author." It spills out of you before you can stop it. "I know you've read most of the classics, but you haven't really delved into ones that relate more to home."
His lip curls, a hum stuck in the back of his throat, and you recognise its one of approval. It shouldn't affect you as much as it did.
"Literature that dives into the horrors of Gotham, should I expect an existential crisis tonight?"
"I'll leave the surprise to do its job.â Leaning in over the counter, your gaze drops to his cargo pants. âAny reason for the limp?"
âJumped down from the fourth floor.â He shrugs. âWasnât sure youâd wait up on me.â
You stare at him wide-eyed, waiting for him to call upon a jokeâand he merely returns your stare, amused.
âJason, youâre joking.â
âI never joke about closing hours.â He muses.
You're ready to start, because his frequent disregard for closing hours is a whole other thingâbut his gaze shifts instinctively to the clock hanging lop-sided by the ladder, before landing on you again. The crinkles of his gaze deepens, softening the shadows. "You better catch the train. Do me a favour and remember to lock your windows when you get back?â
"Yeah, so long as you come in uninjured next time."
"Worried about me? As long as you keep yours, Iâll keep mine." The point in his grin sharpens, fingers giving a lazy wave as his shoulder digs into the door. The bell rings once more, as if to signify the gravity of his departure. "More illegal activities to run. See you next week, sweetheart.â
His shadow disappears past the flickering street lamp outside the store, as if he never existed. Your heart does that little, traitorous sighâand thatâs all the physical evidence you have past the lump in your throat that the exchange even happened at all.
Your first encounter with Jason was less familiarity-conduced endorphins and more of customer service's worst nightmare.
"Sir, I'm afraid we're closed."
You don't know why you bothered with the 'we', when you're clearly the only staff here. Or why you bothered speaking at all. This man who's barged in through the door, despite the 'Closed' sign, is obviously on edge and possibly on the run? Gotham's unspoken law is to never stick your nose into other people's business, especially if the stranger radiates danger right down to his bruised knuckles. All you should be concerned about is the ten minute walk you have to embark on and how all trains in this district stops at thirty minutes past eleven.
His gaze shifts at the sound of your voice, distracted and hyper-focused all at once. You're struck by the illuminating green that disperses into pale blue, when he finally notices that he isn't alone. Intense, and otherworldlyâa gorgeous lunatic who looks like he materialised out of the shadows, stepping into the night and ending up on the wrong side of Gotham.
His gaze doesn't linger for long before it maneuvers around, scoping his environment as his lips press together, some sealed sigh laced within the charged tension between you two. Eventually, a low rasp leaves his lips. "I'll buy somethin'."
Your brows furrow. "Excuse me?"
His hand shifts, waving you off impatiently. "Hand me a book, or twoâwhatever. I need more time."
The crease between your brows deepen, that soft irritation earlier rising again. Not only has he come in during closing hours, which is the worst of all experiences in customer service, but he had the audacity to be rude and dismissive about it.
"Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to come back another timeâ"
"Lady." He cuts you off, gaze shifting back towards the streets before looking back to you in warning. "It's not a request. You can charge me however much you want, but I can't leave this store till the coast is clear... and neither can you."
Great, now he's holding you hostage too.
"Are you being chased?" You question impulsively. You have a bugging suspicion that he's prone to lying to you anyways, but his cutting tone makes you unfamiliarly bold. "You're a criminal?"
He snorts, finding something amusing. "In Gotham, some would say it's an honourable profession. There's worse bad guys out there, sweetheart. You're lucky it was me that came in here."
"I wouldn't call it luck." You frown. He doesn't bother with a response, clearly tuning you out, and your growing dislike finds something new to feast on. If you're going to waste a Friday night with some asshole, you may as well squeeze some money out of his pockets. Your gaze flickers over him, scrutinising.
"What are you looking at?" He murmurs, sensing your gaze even when his own is trained on the window, hand tucked under his jacket on what you hope isn't a weapon.
"Just wondering what kind of reader you are."
That finally gets his attention. He looks back at you, surprise evident in his gaze. Without that permanent furrow between his brows, he looks almost younger, erased temporarily of the self-righteousness buried in his bones and the weight of something deadly clutched in his hands.
A moment passes, his tight expression slowly unwinding into genuine amusement. "That's kind of you but you don't have to dial up your customer service. I'm not the kind of guy who leaves reviews."
Your brow twitches, frustration slipping past the cracks of your demeanour. "It's principle. I don't recommend books half-heartedly."
His smirk twitches higher, but you make the wiser choice of storming off, deeper into the shelves before he deigns you with another unfavourable response. Your mind is already slipping into its unfolding map of genres, of the books that encompass your pathway with what you think suits a jerk like him.
"Jackass." You mutter to yourself, opting between a self-help book or a literature pick for the jerk who acts so highly of himself. You decide on the latter, doubting the hunk would even understand the reference.
"Dorian Gray?"
"Yeah, heard of it?" You respond, unamused as you glare down at him.
He's made himself real comfortable, large thighs swallowing up your seat, swirling around on the creaky wheels as he eyes the store with that same assessing look he did when he first entered, as if he was used to mapping out any place he stepped into.
âExperience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.â He mutters lowly, blue eyes landing back on you.
You blink once, then twice, wondering if you'd misheard him. "You're a reader?"
"Enough to know what you're suggesting, sweetheart." He mocks. "I know a thing or two about mistakes of men, so if you want to cause some real harm, you'll have to hit harder."
"I wasn'tâ" You falter, because that was exactly what you were intending on. "Fine. You forcefully extended a long, underpaid night shift, and I indirectly called you a jackass. Let's call it even."
His lip twitches involuntarily, not expecting your honesty. "Y'know being direct is what gets you places in Gotham."
"Yeah, gets you running into bookstores and terrorising their staff, you mean?"
"Well, I haven't been insulted through a book before." He shrugs half-heartedly. "I suppose you experience something new everyday."
"Anyone ever told you that you're infuriating?"
"Pretty too." He grins then, something striking and downright filthy. His hand taps on a copy of 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'. "That's what you seem to be suggesting, since you're clearly intent on being honest through your recommendations."
Your scoff escapes you, less annoyed than it should be. "I think my recommendation fits you just fine if that's the only thing you're willing to take from it."
"Oh, I'm more than willing." His grin sharpens. "That's sweet of you, but I'm afraid it's a little compromising, hitting on a customer this soon? You do this with all late night visitors?"
You're tempted to drop one of your heaviest dictionaries right on his skull to sort out the serious issues going on in that head of his. "Customer?" You raise a brow mockingly. "All I see is a stranger wasting my time after closing hours, raising this month's electricity bills, refusing to pay a single cent for his book, and getting out of here as promised."
"We still haveâ" His gaze glimpses to the clock. "âfive minutes if you want to play it safe. You're doing a horrendous job at customer service by the way. Calling me a jackass, trying to kick me out. No wonder this place isâ"
Your jaw drops. "You are not insulting the very place you're hiding in like a coward right now."
He raises both hands in surrender. "So charming. Was just going to mention how charming this place is."
Your lips quiver into an almost smile and you shut it down immediately, along with the quick decision that he is dangerous. Disarming with the quickness of his tongue, and unnerving in how he handles conversation like a chess board.
"This entire situation needs more tea." You grumble to yourself, turning your back on him.
There's nothing worth stealing on that counter of yours, unless he's crude enough to steal second-hand books worth cents if he even attempted to resell them in a city like Gotham. At most, he'd take the chipped mug rimmed with your tea. Oh, stupid you forgot your mug.
Your steps retract, a groan caught in the between your lips as you turn around with the anticipation to be hit with his mockingâonly to find an empty seat in your view. Your head whips around past the shelves, but there was no sight of a worn leather jacket. Of course, he didn't even bother to announce his departure.
Coming back to the counter, you check for any missing items only to spot a bookmark poking out of one of your books, left in an ajar placement on the counter. On top of it, sat a pile of cash that was worth more than any copy in this entire store.
âHeyââ
He was already gone, you forget. You flip open the book, only to find thereâs handwriting on your bookmark. Scratched in impulsively, like a lingering thought he had to put down.
âJackass left you a tip for the troubleâand the rec. - Jason.â
His condescending tone somehow translates into pen on paper. It should irritate you. Yet, when your fingers lift to trace over the drying ink, you find yourself smiling involuntarily again. Jason. What kind of a man was he? It's a useless question, as you doubt you'll ever see him again.
A likely criminal, a guaranteed jerkâand probably the most exciting visitor of your entire summer.
Jason comes back not a week after. Covered in blood, which after your initial fright, is believed to belong mostly to the other guy. That particular fact he thought to include does little to soothe your nerves.
âYou shouldâve seen him.â He rambles, in what you could only hope wasn't his disgruntled attempt at impressing you, whilst laying flat on the desk. âMakes mine look like child's play."
The first-aid kit, hidden somewhere in the store cabinet, is squeezed haphazardly onto your office chair. Thereâs nothing more nerve-wracking than your first attempt at stitching a cut, not anything close to your caliber. If his arms weren't wrecked, you suspect he wouldn't have come all the way to you, an actual stranger. His voice distracts you, and you miss your aim.
Jason hisses, half-shirtless with his black tee tucked between his canines. "No, I said you have to turn it as soon as the point disappears."
Your hand is splayed over his stomach, fingers shaking slightly as you try to focus. "Stop shifting, and just keep quiet for a second. I can't focus with you nagging me."
"Forgive me for being concerned about my woundâ"
Your hand comes up to shove the t-shirt further into his mouth, muffling his words. He raises a brow, almost amused, and a trickle of sweat brushes past.
"I'm trying my best to help, when this is clearly something hospitals exist for." You huff, focusing back on the stitch. "Give me some grace, and shut up."
His muscles flex and contract, but eventually, he listens. Your work becomes easier after that, despite it being the worst position you've ever been put in, neck cramping to avoid blocking your only source of light, the flickering lamp above the surface he's laid on, his blood dripping onto the wood.
"You owe me at least five purchases to make up for the blood stains." You grumble. "That requires you to stay alive."
He grunts through the fabric, and you take it as agreement.
âWhyâre you back here anyway?â You question, trying to distract yourself. âOf all the places you couldâve gone, you thought that a bookstore keeper would have medical expertise?â
âNot medical expertise.â He mutters, voice too raw to not be honest. âI wanted..â
Your hand places a cloth over his wound, soaking the fabric red. âWanted what?â
His gaze lingers over you, somehow more haunting with how the blue shade's grown darker, pupils expanded. He winces when you accidentally put too much pressure on the stitch, but that doesn't seem to be all to his sudden stillness. âA recommendation.â He answers eventually.
You stare at him, tempted to laugh. âYou came all this way bleeding out, barging in through the door, past closing hours againâfor a recommendation?â
He stares at you, and your laugh slips through when you realise that heâs at least half-serious. âI knew you'd be infuriating, but I didn't expect insanity.â
He ends up buying eight later just to prove his point and to make up for the blood stains, only after you promised that they'd all be your recommendations.
The hour's long past operating train schedules, and with the quiet acknowledgement of traumatising your uneventful Friday night, the second time he's reinvented what a normal shift should have beenâhe offers to walk you back once warmth seeps back into his skin.
Somewhere between sitting cramped behind the shelves as you pick out his recommendations and his tracking gaze over your frame as you rant on about how he desperately needed a self-help book or two, the unspoken tension gradually fades. Eventually, your frustrations die down tooâand you realise his company, minus the blood and sharpness of tongue, wasn't the worst thing in the world.
You come to expect Jasonâs presence, late in the night although he does begin to respect the concept of a âclosing hourâ. He's usually your last visitor regardlessâleaving the two of you alone to... continue on your charade of recommendations. Even when he begins to linger longer than any customer should, offering to walk you back, or make you tea when you're too busy shelfing to bother with a new mug to replace your over-steeped one from the afternoon. Except for today, because Margery, your least favourite customer in the whole of Gotham, decides to pick the one night Jason's visiting to start her practiced act.
Clearly intending on slithering her way into getting something for free, Margery drones on about how important her niece's education is to her, and how anything contributing to children's education should be free of charge. All over a book set costing a measly seven bucks, but you suppose to dear Margery, supporting small businesses in Gotham isn't in her check-list.
âIâm sorry, Margery.â Your voice remains perfectly levelled. âI can't hand the set to you for free, because it's against our policy."
âCanât you understand my situation?â She huffs, annoyance flared in the fine lines of her cheeks. âNo one's even interested in that set, I've surveyed it for days.â
âWhich by all existing policies, still requires a purchase, maâam.â
She scoffs, nails drumming impatiently against the counter. âI want to speak to your manager.â
Your lips quirk up. âJason.â
Jason shifts then, his gaze lifting from the book in his hand, one which he hasnât turned the page since he conveniently perched himself right next to your counter ten minutes ago. He places the book down gently onto the wood, bookmark slipping into place, though the slight sneer of his lips conveys none of that delicate care as he slumps against the counter, shoulder brushing against yours.
âThere a problem?â
Margery blinks, affronted by his attitude. Or his sheer size towering over her. "You're the manager?"
âPolicyâs law.â Jason shrugs. âIf youâd like to take this further, to save yourselfââ His gaze flickers to the book set, and his smirk quirks up higherâthe perfect composition of a jerk. âSeven bucks, we'll be more than happy to call the authorities.â
âI have never experienced such horrible service!â Her cheeks grow warm, sloshed with embarrassment. âActing as if I'm in the wrongâyouâll be receiving the worst review!â
"Allâs fair in Gotham, maâam.â He calls out with a grin as he watches her turquoise skirt catch onto the end of the door hinge, releasing another shriek from her lips.
The door slams shut, bell ringing dramatically with the impact, and Jason turns back to you, smile slipping into something familiar and reserved for you. âThe review will be wiped the moment she hits post.â
You snort, leaning back against the shelves. âShould I be concerned about your illegal activities invading its way into my work?â
âNah.â He shrugs. âLast place the GCPD will look into is some shabby bookstore.â
âShabby.â You feign offense. "Our most repeating customer doesn't even hold a shred of respect for this place."
âOh-no, Iâm beginning to like the sound of being manager of this fine establishment.â He humours, glancing around as if he hasn't already memorised the interior.
You frown, suspicious of his change in tune. âWhy, cause youâll be the boss of me?â
His smirk deepens. âOne of its many perks, I imagine.â
âOh, get over yourself, Todd.â You glance back towards the door, still unable to rid yourself of the satisfaction of watching that entire fiasco go down. "Though I suppose a thank you is in order."
"Couldn't get her out of her fast enough." He shrugs. "She was taking up our time."
"Our?" You raise a brow, almost teasing as you look back at him. "Didn't realise this was our thing now."
His gaze lingers on you, as if he knew his response would be the deciding factor of acknowledging the thinly veiled string that's begun to loop itself around the both of you. Something about your dark circles, the oil on your nose bridge, or the mess of your knotted hairâwhatever he saw in you, seals his decision.
"Yeah." His voice rasps, the most unguarded you've ever heard him. "It is."
It's an instantaneous kick, one that nearly leaves you breathless as you try to regain your composure. He couldâve said nothing. He could have thrown this to the side and said that his weekly visits for recommendations during your shifts, no matter if he was bleeding or bruised at the knuckles coming from a life clearly separate from yoursâmeant nothing.
Yet, it does mean something. Not just to you, but to him as well.
"Oh." You mutter, because you can't think of anything appropriate to say to that.
"Oh." He echoes, a genuine smile lingering at the edge of his lips. "Haven't received my recommendation of the day, sweetheart."
You blink, feeling strangely light, as if your body has regained all the energy zapped out from long hours of rearranging shelves and stacking boxes. It doesn't help that he's looking at you like that, soft and disarmed in a way you've begun to realise he's let himself be, only around you.
You should've trusted your gut that he was dangerous, but never in the way you expected. Your heart skips traitorously, the little thing already knowing something that you refuse to admit aloud. So, you do what you always do and dig out your recommendation, waiting for that spark to light in his gaze and pretend there's nothing more to why you love it so much.
Weeks turn into months, and Jason becomes your one constant even as your shifts lessen in hours to accommodate your academics. If anything, there's something comforting now about leather jackets, the faint scent of pain ointment, the certain knowledge that Jason is most probably a vigilante, after you noticed his constant vigilance over the district you work in has significantly lessened crime rates.
His shelf at home has built its steady collection, every book representing a particular week, an ever-increasing memoir of the thing shared between the two of you, from the first time he stumbled into the store. You don't know what to call it, only that you wish for it to never stop.
He knows the store like the back of his palm, including the exact hour in which you would get up for a tea refill, or when you need a steady hand on the ladder to reach the highest shelves. It's strangely intimate, the way he slots himself into the quiet mundane of your shifts, but he never complains of boredom or having something better to do with his time. If anything, the slower the day, the more he seems to uncurl like a satisfied felineâaccompanying you by your side when there's nothing more to do, catching up on his reads while you have a read of your own.
"I have a recommendation for you." Jason mutters offhandedly, legs resting on the desk, as much as home as you are now, seemingly unbothered that he's randomly switched up the unspoken rules of the thing that's shared between the two of you.
You raise a brow, gaze peering over your current read. "YouâMr. I Can't Read Without Your Recommendations, has one for me?"
He shrugs, taking something out from the inner pocket of his jacket. You never understand just how much he's ableâand willing to fit inside the leather confinements, and you swear half of it belongs to his side of the world you're privy to only in the latest of nights, when his hand is gripping yours knuckle-white, and he lets you stay by his side before muttering his review for his latest read.
In his hand, is a book, one in which you recognise immediately.
"Dorian Gray." You muse. "Is it your turn to call me self-conceited?"
His lip twitches into a half-smirk, but it buries itself under what you only recognise now to be nerves.
"Jason?" You murmur, slightly startled as you place down your book.
His own hand, scarred over the knuckles and engulfing the book, places its weight gently in your hands, as if offering something sacred.
"I wrote something inside." He mutters, voice softened.
Your brows furrow, but you obligeâflipping open the very first copy you've ever recommended to him, and find a handwritten note on the first page. It's unmistakably his, and there's a few scratched out lines that you can't make out, clearly something he pondered over for a while.
"I think you've probably figured it out by now, that I am not good with my words, no matter how many books I've read with greater speeches or declarations. Still, you deserve to hear something honest, and I've always conveyed myself better through my actions than I do with my mouth.
When I first entered this store, I never expected to run into you. Fate or whatever people call it, has never been considerate of my path, or who I encounter along it. Yet, you stood right there, clearly out of place with the world I know, and I don't think I'll ever truly comprehend how our paths aligned. I told myself to forget you, but you had given me a piece of you in the book you placed in my hands, and I couldn't stop thinking of that, of you. I tried convincing myself, after considering it for seven days, that seeking you out would make the curiousity dissipate, and not because I wanted to hear your voice again.
Bleeding out over your counter, I knew that I was done for when I realised I was willing to buy the entire store if it meant getting to spend a few more minutes by your side. Every book I carried home, was me getting to keep pieces of evidence, of this thing we share that feels like it's completely ours. Proof that a person who thought about what kind of reader I'd be despite every reason not to careâactually existed.
I'll probably regret this, I do have a talent of screwing up with people, but keeping silent has never been my forte, and I would regret not telling you what I've known since the first, which is that there hasn't been a single book where a line has crossed my mind without thinking of you. That there hasn't been a day, where I don't hold myself back from wanting to see you again. I'm offering you my honesty because I do believe that's the only decency available in Gotham, and I'd like to offer you at least that."
Speechless was an understatement for the shaking in your fingers, the weight of the page in your hand when you finally look up and meet his gaze.
He's nervous, pupils dilatedâbody locked with tension. He's just poured his heart out to you through the page of the very first book you've given him, and he's staring at you like youâve changed the entire trajectory of his life, and not the other way around.
âJason.â
âIâve never done anything like this.â It spills out of him, as if he canât contain himself. âOur thing, falling for someone. So, before you say anythingâI just want to state that I'm not expecting anything. That's the one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn a long time ago, so don't feel you have to say something you don't mean. I just can't go on pretending that meeting you didn't change something in meâthat it hasn't rewired what genuine happiness feels like. I began to read again, after all these years, because books which I once found comfort in now reminds me of you. That in every line I read, I searched for something to bring back to you."
"It scared me." He admits, and even the act seems to cost him. "To care that much. To have this lack of control over how I operate, how I should feel. You disarmed me in a way no one else ever had, and I didn't think I even had that in me anymore. To feel this terrified and to still want someone this much."
His hand lowers to the note-filled page, the book still gripped between your hands and his expression steadies. "I considered it countless times. To stop this, before I start something I'll never be able to take back. Then I looked at you, and I realised I can never go back to my life 'before' you. That I was already in this, and I'd be willing to do anything if you are too."
"Jason." You call out, and he stops with a trained halt, as if he expected the worst. That was your last straw.
"I didn't even need the note." You burst. "If you had simply told me you wanted me, I would've already said yes. Our thing, I've always wanted to be a part of it."
Before, he was tenseâbut now, your words seemed to have hit him like a truck. You continue, not wanting him to doubt something you realised should've been obvious from the moment you kept that very first note he left you in your wallet.
"I want to be in this with you, Jason." You confess. "You're the one person I wanted to see every night. I don't know how to say this without sounding like a mess butâevery book in this store, I constantly look for something that screams you and I wait in the hopes that you'll like it, and that was the most scariest, intimate thing I've ever done for someone. Soâyou're an idiot if you think I don't want this as much as you do."
"...You mean I didn't have to feel physically ill to write that note out, and you would've said yes?" He mutters after a moment, a low huff of amusement leaving his lips.
âI thought you said being direct is what gets you places in Gotham.â You quote.
His smile gradually reappears. âYeah, I suppose it got me places. Running into a shabby bookstore, getting hit on the first night.â
You raise a brow. âYou and I remember that encounter very differently."
"Yeah?" He murmurs. "That'll be a problem if we aren't on the same page. Just to give it a test, what if I said I wanted to kiss you right now?"
Shock registers faintly to you, even if that thought's been circling your mind for months. A little smile pulls at your mouth. "Yeah, I think we might be on the same page there."
When he leans in, you smell faintly of gunpowder, something warm and smokyâso distinctly Jason. You don't think you'll ever tire of it, and you love it more when his fingers tangled itself into your hair, brushing against the nape of your neck. When he finally kisses you, a low rumble in the back of his throat in content, you find he was half-right that night you both met. Maybe there was luck involved after all.
"I am keeping that note." You murmur after he pulls away to press something softer against your temple.
His lips curl into a smile, and you feel it against your skin. "'Course you are."
likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated! <333
summary: After you befriend Damian Wayne, the 12 year old in your pre med class, you canât shake the feeling youâre constantly being watched. One night when you see him around Gothamâs favourite crime lord âRed Hoodâ everything changes.
parings:Jason Todd x reader, Damian Wayne x reader (platonic)
Tags: Violence, fluff, Damian is Robin, reader and Damian is a med student,
A/n: Originally open hearts but I felt like nights fit better so it changed! reader doesnt swear.Idk why I thought it would be cute. But if you want her to she can! This was #notproofread woo!
âLate on the first day miss? not the greatest first impression.â
The scrutiny in this tone was poorly hidden with sarcasm. Nevertheless, it had your cheeks heating up.
âSorry Professor, I promise it wonât happen again.â
You said as you nodded at the man. It was your first day of pre-med and you already felt as if everything was falling apart.
It was just one of those mornings where everything went wrong, your hair wasnât sitting right, some idiot drove into a puddle, spraying your outfit with rainwater and now you had to deal with your professor hanging you out to dry in front of everyone (pun intended).
And just to add to the whole mess the only seats left in class were front and centre. You plopped your things down, and to your absolute surprise, there was what looked like a middle schooler sitting a space away from you.
You craned your head to get a better look.
He was dressed well, like he had every dollar to spare. Wearing some designer shirt and expensive slacks to match. He was definitely well put together, but to you it just looked like he was playing dress-up. His cheeks were round and soft, while he wore an adorable little scowl on his face. Gosh, he reminded you of your brother.
Noticing your gaze, his head snapped towards you. You gave him a soft smile. Poor kid must be on edge in a room full of 20-year-olds. You internally cursed yourself for staring. His eyes traced you seemingly analysing every detail, before he hesitantly turned back to his notes.
Him being more put together than you felt kind of humbling. So you began organising everything out on your desk, but the sound of the professors voice cut you off.
âSorry class, somehow Iâve forgotten my laptop, kind of needed that one for the lesson.â
He joked, no one laughed.
âIâm gonna run to my office, donât cause too much trouble.â
He said with a chuckle as he raced out of the class. You decided to take this as an opportunity to make some new friends.
You immediately turned to the young boy beside you and introduced yourself.
âHi! Iâm y/n whatâs your name?â
he turned towards you let out a âhmphâ and turned back to his notes.
well that couldnât have gone better
You turned to the other side of you and saw what you assumed was a couple closely speaking in a quiet tone. Whatever they were talking about you definitely did not wanna be involved.
You turned back to him âyou seem very young⌠howâd you end up here?â You asked looking down at his page. It was a drawing and a good one at that. Gentle strokes shading a very realistic piece of armour.
Before he had a second to speak you immediately cut him off.
âThis is amazing! Whyâre you here? You should be doing art!â
Your eyes widened as you realised the connotations of what you had said. Gosh maybe you should leave this kid alone.
âI mean Iâm not doubting that your smart, I mean youâd have to be to be a middle schooler here-â
he cut you off.
âIâm not here to make acquaintances, I simply want to finish the course without any troubleâ He pulled his book closer to him, seemingly cradling it in his arms before he continued
âThough I do thank you for the praise. I do enjoy to draw.â
What was this kid raised by ChatGPT? He speaks better than you could write.
âno problemâ you said sighing, looking down at your notes. This was gonna be a fun class.
After a couple weeks into school, you felt like everything was finally falling into place. You had a Job now, a consistent study routine and (thank the lord) you could finally make it to each class without being late.
Well all except one, for some reason, you had made a habit of being late to your microbiology lecture. Usually the only repercussion for it was being the butt end to your professors crappy jokes, well, all besides this one timeâŚ
âMiss L/n, late again? I hope the extra time you put into your outfit was worth itâ
He chuckled. He was the only one.
âWell youâre beginning your assignment on the immune system so partner up and get started.â
You internally groaned. Group projects were the absolute bane of your existence. You were most likely going to be stuck with some bone headed frat boy and be forced to add his share of work onto your tipping tower of a to do list.
âAy Y/N, come over hereâ speaking of..
âYou need a partner yeah?â He paused, his eyes dragging down your body. You would shiver, but you donât want to give him the idea that it was caused by anything but disgust.
âI could really use a cute little nerd like you, this class is kicking my assâ
Your eyes traced around the class looking for anyone else that you could quickly partner up with before they landed on Damian Wayne. he was standing off to the side looking very uncomfortable as his eyes scanned the group of chatty adults. Bless his little soul.
âThat sounds enticing and all Jacob, but Iâm already partnered with Damianâ
Damianâs head snapped to you, and Jacobâs to Damianâs.
âThat little rich piece of shit. You know he only got here because of his dadâs money right?â
You felt a surge of anger run through you. Who did this guy think he was?
âA twelve year old canât pay to win in college genius. Plus heâs probably smarter than your whole frat combinedâ
You looked over at the child and his face was bright red. You felt terrible. You shouldâve just partnered with Jacob instead of putting him through this.
âyeah ok, youâre a bitch anywayâ
You shrugged and turned to Damian, and to your surprise there was a small smirk on his face. You took it as a win.
âso partners?â You asked but it was more of a plead.
After spending a couple weeks working on the project you and Damian fell into a rhythm. Youâd spend every Wednesday and Thursday in the library perfecting it, and as much as you hated to admit, you had learned a lot from him.
He was ridiculously smart, like helps-you-with-subjects-he-doesnât-take-smart. And while his assistance came with a grimace and aggression, you knew he had grown fond of you too.
And when you both were finally done with the project, well you couldnât help but still spend time with him.
âYou know you donât have to sit with me anymore, the projects over.â He said his signature scowl on his face.
âWho else is gonna help me with chem? Also who am I to ditch my day-one?â You laughed taking a sip of your tea.
âday-one what?â He said a poorly suppressed smile spreading onto his face. He was just so cute and sweet, especially when heâd pretend to be annoyed at you.
âIâve known you for over a couple months now, youâre technically my little brother.â
He rolled his eyes. Sighing he looked back down at his work.
âNo thanks, I have an excessive amount of siblings already.â he sounded annoyed but the expression in his face said otherwise. He almost looked relaxed.
âEnough talking mr chatterbox, I need help on question 12â
After 3 more gruelling hours spent on your study, you finally decided to call it a night and go home. As you stepped into the cold gotham air, you immediately became aware of everything around you.
The soft, never ending sound of sirens, the flicking of the street light, even the screeches of alley cats. But after a while, it seemed to become eerily silent. You clutched your bag to yourself, reaching in for your keys to slot between your fingers.
It was always a risk⌠to say the least walking home alone in Gotham, but it was something you were willing to take in order to spend as little time as possible in your disgusting apartment. If only you could pick up some extra hours, maybe you could-
Your thoughts were interrupted by your bag being ripped out of your hands. There goes your groceries for the week. In a panic, you grabbed onto the strap before the mugger could run away, and with all the force you could muster, you swung your key-adjourned hand into the side of the manâs face.
He winced, clutching his temple, and it gave you just enough time to run off. Though, as soon as you turned around he grabbed a fist full of your hair and pulled you to the floor. That dang ponytail
âYou fucking bitch Iâm gonna kill youâ
He seethed, his face hovering over yours as he used his body weight to pin you down. You used the close proximity to gather all the saliva you could, and spit it right into his face.
Though, he barely flinched. In fact it just seemed to make him angrier.
The smell of metal filled the air, as the blood from his head dripped onto your face.
âThis is what you get for being a bitchâ
You heard the clanging of metal, which was quickly replaced by the feeling of cold steel digging into your neck.
âHELP SOMEONE HELP ME!â
You struggled against his restraints but it was no use. He had you stuck under him.
You closed your eyes, bracing for the impact of the knife, but before anything could happen, the heavy weight was pulled off of you. It all happened so fast you stayed on the floor, suspended in half shock half fear of what was happening.
When you finally found your bearings and sat up, the man was no where to be seen. You took a second to cradle your head before you realised. Your purse.
âMaâam?â
You flinched. Looking around for the noise before you saw a glimpse of green and red.
âHere you are.â He mumbled, holding your bag out to you, his bloodied knuckles catching the light.
Oh. It was the little boy Robin. Although you were more than thankful for him being here tonight, you resented the fact that such a young boy was doing an adults job.
You looked at his face to thank him but something seemed really off. You took a second to really look at him. The glint of his black hair caught your eye in a way that was so familiar. But it was when you saw the adorable roundness of his face that you realised who he was.
âDamian what?-whatâre you?â
He froze looking around him before he leant in and whispered.
âAre you injured maâam?â
You winced. Looking down at the bruises that screamed for attention. But your focus was on something else..
âThis is not ok Damian. Youâre just a kid. If thereâs anyone thatâs forc-â
He cut you off.
âI have a responsibility to uphold, it is of utmost importance that I come here every nightâ
He paused and it seemed like whatever mask he was hiding behind had melted away. It was only a subtle difference, but you noticed it nonetheless.
âCould you imagine what would have happened?â
You wrapped your arms around his stiff shoulders, trying to silence whatever was going on in his mind.
âThank you Damianâ
He slumped not moving to hug you back but standing there, compliant.
âIâll leave you to your responsibilities, itâs getting late.â You murmured, pulling back from the boy.
he let out a little humph sound before he stood beside you.
Despite Damianâs relentless warnings about âgetting home before darkâ or âTaking public transportâ You couldnât help but find yourself in the same position as the night before. In your defense, you had worked overtime at work today, so you didnât really have a choice.
Though, your fear eventually got the best of you and you found yourself taking a detour into bat burger when the streets got too silent.
But the sight in the parking lot had you freezing in fear. It was the red hood, hunched over, panting, with some delinquent (or you assumed so) pinned underneath him. You hid behind the lamp post trying to decide your action plan before an all too familiar voice interrupted your thoughts.
âHey! Let go of me, delinquent.â
It was Damian. If he got himself into trouble with Red Hood you had to do something.
âHEY!â
You screamed running up to the pair. The helmeted manâs head snapped towards you.
âLET HIM GOâ Your voice cracked, but you stood your ground, trying your hardest to intimidate the man.
âHES JUST A KID, HE PROBABLY WASNT THINKING.â
The large man slowly tracked towards you. You gulped, trying to slow the uncontrollable tremors going through your body.
When he was close, he leaned into your face, despite the mask you could tell he was analysing your every feature. You tried your hardest to blink back the tears.
âI-I Im sorry just-â
You were cut off by loud cackle. Both your heads snapped towards Damian. He was hunched over clutching his stomach from laughter. The man in front of you seemed to have some sort of revelation in response.
âThis your friend Dami?â
He took his silence as a response as he continued.
âSheâs pretty. whatâs she doing âround you?â
Your face went red at his comment as you tried to unscramble your thoughts. Did Damian know Red Hood? Did Red Hood really think you were pretty?
âYou-you know him Dami?â
you mumbled with a sniffle. The cold air not helping you seem any tougher.
âHeâs my brother.â
Your eyes widened in shock as you looked between the two boys.
âbut youâre- heâs-â
âIâm what?â
You flinched in fear. Covering your body with your arms. You had never been more uncomfortable than you were in this moment.
âWhat? Huh? Heâs a hero, Iâm a what?.â
âHood.â Damian warned.
âLeave her alone. It wasnât meant in that way.â
Looking at Red Hood now, you didnât know how you couldâve ever thought he was attacking Damian. The way he reacts whenever Damian speaks just oozes admiration.
âNo, Iâm glad you have someone looking after you.â
He said, but it didnât really sound true, it sounded like an insult. Should you be insulted? You kinda were now.
âI tolerate her. Thatâs rare.â Damian murmured quietly, but loud enough for you to hear.
But before he could continue both the men froze and held a device in their ear. Damian turned to you, tugging your arm.
âWe have to go, be safe, stay vigilant.â
You nod. Giving the boy a joking salute.
âYes sir. You too sir.â
He scoffs before grabbing his gun and grappling away, Hood gives you a nod before he quickly follows behind.
As soon as they left any remaining sense of safety was immediately lost. You gripped your keys once again. Praying to God that somehow youâd make it home safe.
It was the last hour of your shift before you locked up and you were hoping, that somehow, by some miracle, you wouldnât get anymore customers. Who gets fast food at 12:00am anyways⌠right?
You were distracted from your cleaning by the jingling of the door.
âHi welcome to Alâs what can I- oh hi!â
It was Red Hood. As much as you were scared of the guy, man did he look good tonight.
âI didnât know you worked here.â The modulation from his mask sounded like sandpaper to your ears. He hit it with the palm of his hand, you didnât think it would do too much.
âWell I forgive you if you forgive me for last night?â
He chuckled, the sound surprisingly smooth.
âIâm not too fond of new people, especially around my brother.â
You faltered at his harsh tone before you nodded like you knew where this was going (you didnât).
âI get it, maybe free food could help though?â
He chuckled staring at the wall behind your shoulder.
âIs that how you got Damian to like you? Free food?â
He was so uptight. Gosh, who hurt this guy? Heâs got a good body but geez the red flagsâŚ
âWell, nothing from here, mostly just tea, Damian is very restrictive about his diet, Iâm sure you know.â
He hummed in affirmation, but the silence quickly grew awkward. You grabbed a big bag and began packaging all the left over food for the man. The smells filling the air made your stomach growl. Gosh you hope he didnât hear that. You set aside a seperate bag for yourself, while he just stood silently watching your hands with a fixed intensity.
âYou here alone?â He asked, now leaning against the counter.
You handed him the bag before nodding in affirmation.
âIâm the closer for tonight sadly.â
He reached for his wallet but you stopped him.
âOn the house. Like I said before. Besides, I was going to throw it out anyways.â
He hummed.
âIâll walk you home then, in exchange.â
You took a second, deciding if it would be better to walk home alone, or with a seasoned criminal. The latter seemed like the obvious choice.
âdeal.â
You shut off the lights at the front counter running to the break room.
âLet me just grab my purse Iâll just be a second.â
When you came back he was standing at the door, glaring at something out the window. If he was any closer to the glass, his mask would be pressed through it.
âUhhh I gotta go okay? take the long way home.â
So much for some much needed safety. Before you could even muster a hopefully non-awkward reply, he bolted out the room.
But his food.
You decided you would be the bigger person and leave it on the doorstep. Itâll get cold before he could get it, and possibly torn apart by some junkie, but hey, itâs the thought that counts.
You left through the back entrance, into the cold air. Clutching your new present from Damian. A taser. It was going to be a long night.
neighbor!simon riley risking bodily harm to help you out (again, without you asking)
pt. 1 â pt. 2
things have been going, for the most part, smoothly. you still haven't managed a full conversation, but he's helped you with everything you've asked for, including planting pretty flowers at both his and yours houseâyou insisted on matching ones and he couldn't refuse.
but with the way it's been pouring down rain for the past few days, you haven't seen him. it's not like you would've dragged him out of the comfort of his house so he could come help you.
so you relaxed on your arm chair with a warm drink and your kindle, taking another lazy day to read with rain pattering in the back. until you heard a noise that was too loud to be rain. it sounded like heavy footfalls on top of your roofâimpossible, it's pouring rain and slippery as hell.
another thud jolted you, and you threw your head back with a gasp. okay, who the hell is on your roof? they're disturbing the peace, and frustration mounts with every bump and thud.
grabbing the nearest jacket without bothering to put on shoes, you stormed out the front doorâthe sounds came from the front of the house the loudest. you couldn't see anything from the protection of the porch, forcing you under the spray of pounding rain.
and who do you see but simon.
you had a suspicion it was him, but seeing his dark silhouette on your roof made your heart flutter and something in your abdomen warm. the rain quickly soaked your hair and clothes, but it couldn't be worse than him. he looked like a wet dog.
"what are you doing?" you called out over the pummeling rain.
he scowled when he finally noticed you. "wot the fuck are you doin'?" his voice boomed louder than the occasional thunder.
"I asked you first!"
with a grunt, he climbed down the house with ease, manifesting at your side like your own rain cloud. his body shielded you from the spray of rain that fell at an angle.
"y'could get sick." he nudged you towards the ajar front door.
you roll your eyes, ignoring the flutter over your body. "you could get sick!" you parroted but allowed him to guide you back inside. without being asked, he stepped out of his soaked boots and shrugged his dripping coat off. underneath, his white shirt was completely see through, clinging to the divots of his abs and chest.
you fought the swallow in your throat and the warmth that bloomed over your face. jesus. you'd seen him without a shirt beforeâwhen he fixed your carâbut this was different, sinful.
if he notices your stares, he doesn't say anything. just pushes past towards the closet, that he somehow knows where it is, to grab towels. you think he's helping himself before he's taking off the coat you're wearing, that's soaked, and replacing it with a warm towel.
why is he fussing over you? he's the one who's been outside in the rain for god knows how long.
"mind telling me what you were doing on my roof in the pouring rain?" no doubt, it was him finding another way to help you. as you wait for his explanation, you grab him by the belt and tug him further into your house.
"gutter's were clogged."
you wait for him to say more, but he doesn't. he lets you drag him along until you're in your tiny hallway bathroom. it fits you just fine, but with him looming over your shoulder, it feels crowded. you've noticed in the past just how massive he is, but now that he's beside you, your arm grazing and bumping his abdomen, the size difference really is astonishing. heat radiates from his skin, and it could be feverish.
"you could've waited until the rain had stopped." you scold. "what if you got sick?"
he just shrugs, and a groan of frustration rumbles in your chest. his eyes crinkled at the corners with amusement, and he swipes a stray drop of water from your hair off your neck.
"you're impossible, simon." you turn your back to him, setting the towels you grabbed on the countertop. "you should shower unless you really want to get sick. leave your clothes outside the door and i'll dry them for you."
without waiting for a response, you leave. the door clicks shut, and you're left in the hallway, listening to the rustle of wet clothes as he undresses. you shake the thought of him naked from your mind, heading down the hall to start a warm drink for him. while the water warms, you go back to collect his clothes and throw them in the dryerâafter ringing out the excess water trapped in the fabric.
when the water's done heating, you prepare a drink you think he'd enjoy. too wrapped up in the preparation, you don't hear the water shut off down the hall, the door, or the soft falls of his footstepsâto be fair, he walks like a ghost. turning around, he's just there. against the doorframe, towel low on his hips to expose the veins that disappear past it. he tied one around his head, concealing his face while his other mask was getting dried. it almost made you laugh.
your throat goes dry again, and with shaky hands, you set the mug down and slide it towards him. "here. you should drink this." the words are hoarse when spoken. "your clothes are almost done, I can go check."
he shakes his head, disappearing from the kitchen. its annoying how well he knows your house. simon's only gone for a minute, maybe less before he appearsâstill shirtless. you think he's about to put on his shirt because he's holding it, but he thrusts it towards you.
"go change." he orders.
it remind you that you're still wet from the rain, which you hadn't even noticed because you were too focused on him. you still are, considering he'd been out there for longer. but you listen to him regardless, slipping into the same bathroom to change. it was really only your shirt and pants that got wet, so you stripped and put his shirt on. it's massive on you, the hem falling to your knees and the neckline slipping off one shoulder. it still reeked of him, and you couldn't help but hold the fabric over your nose and inhale deeply. it's a warm scent.
when you emerged back down the hall, there was another mug to join the one he sipped from. he put his coat back on, but it was unzipped to expose his bare chest underneath. hyper aware of your lack of clothes, you settled on the stool next to his. steam curled over your face, and you took a moment to let it. it warmed what the rain had frozen, but something else was burning your skin. simon's eyes were trained on the side of your face, just watching and observing like you were the most fascinating thing on earth.
you turned to meet his gaze, noticing the pink that tinged the skin under his eyes and across his nose.
"you're an anomaly, simon." you whispered before taking a sip of your drink. it's made exactly the way you like it. weird. simon doesn't reply. you didn't expect him to. you sat in silence, drinking your warm beverages.
summary: when you struck the arrangement with damian wayne to act as your fake boyfriend for a party hosted by your ex and ex-best friendâyou thought your choice made perfect sense. choosing damian wayne, the most logical, unattainable person you knew, removes the complication of feelings being involved. till of course, damian stops pretending.
pairing: damian wayne x fem! reader
content: flufff, damian wayne is a yearner and takes his role of being your pretend boyfriend very seriously.
"You are suggesting I partake in a fake relationshipâ" Damian Wayne stares down at you, still dressed in his lab coat, with what may be the closest to genuine concern you've ever seen on him, all cramped into the crease of his brows. "To help with your dilemma?"
"Exactly." Your grin is the only positive staple throughout this entire exchange, after your successful cornering of only the most unattainable medical student of Gotham University. "It's like a fancy title for an assignment partner but removing the word 'assignment', right?"
"Assuming that your ambitious plan would even work." Crossing his arms, Damian looks more unimpressed over your carefully planned spreadsheet titled 'Fake-Dating Operation' than the earlier assigned pairings by Dr. Lake. "Do humour me on your astounding confidence that I would even offer my assistance."
"We're already assigned together for the semester." You shrug. "What's one reunion party, and an hour spent pretending you don't hate my guts like you do with everyone else?"
He stares at you for a long beat, before his lips twitch into the smallest smirk. "I appreciate your attempts at lowering my expectations further on how idlers are able to accomplish wasting hours in a day. I expect your section of the report to be done by Sunday."
"Wait!" Your hand reaches out to grab at the ends of his sleeve as he moves past you. "I am an amazing fake partner. I provide free dog walks, cookies, amazing work ethicâit's practically a free service just for a little acting on your part!"
"I appreciate the desperation, and the answer is still a no."
"Wayne!" You call out as his sleeve slips out of your fingers, stopping in your tracks right in front of himâblocking the exit. "Damian, please."
His head tilts to cast you a disapproving expression. "My word of advice, is to gain enough respect for yourself to not be bothered by what others think."
Your lips pull together into a frown, but you refuse to be dissuaded, not when you've already laid all your cards on the table. You didn't expect it to be easy, and you had already prepared yourself for his vicious tongue.
"My self-respect has already been trampled on when they decided to send me the invitation." You state honestly. "It's scheduled for its revival in five weeks, after the party. I'll be a changed person by then, scout's honour."
His brow pulls higher, as if silently questioning if you had even part of the Gotham Scouts, but you're not done.
"But before then, I plan on being the pettiest, deranged person in all of Gotham University." You declare. "And that includes you in my plans, because you, Damian Wayne, are the only person who checks all my requirements of a fake boyfriend."
"I'm honoured." He mocks, gaze flickering past towards the hallway.
"You are Walter's role-model, he would kiss the test tubes you lay your fingers on. Paige has a Pinterest folder labelled with your name, and it has all your news sightings saved by colour coordination."
"Sounds like your issues derive more from the company you keep." He mutters, expression pulled together in disgust.
"Point besides, I want it to be you, Damian Wayne." You confess.
It sounds ridiculous, but this was fully concerning your pride and something you've forgotten in your years of working yourself away for your dreams, which was the taste for controlled chaos. He blinks once, staring at you incredulously as if deciding where to place you in his ranking of newly discovered lunatics.
"You're the only person who will drive them as insane as they've made me." Your voice chokes, filled with determination or buried rage, the difference didnât seem to matter. "You could walk in there for just an hour to save my life, and I know that you won't have the slightest chance of complicating things, or falling in love with meâand that's what makes this perfect. This may sound crazy to you, but you're the only person that's made sense to me ever since my life was turned upside-down."
Your chest heaves, and your arms are still outstretched to stop him from leaving the lab. You're nothing like thisâimpulsive, frantic, verging on insanityâbut you're also done being complacent. Of letting things go just because it's the right thing to do.
After what feels like eternity, Damian's expression flickers. Implicit and almost undetectable, but his gaze is on you as if he's finally registering your existence and trying to catalogue you into a different box than the one he's placed you in.
"Send the spreadsheet to my email." He answers apprehensively, as if he can't believe the words coming out of his mouth. "I will review through the calendar on its... feasibility. Expect a response by eight p.m.."
You let out a held breath, a smile finally breaking through. "Thank you, reallyâ"
"On the condition that I expect you to finish your section by tonight."
Your expression freezes. "Tonight?"
"To prove your desperation's worth considering." He tosses you a mocking smile, all sharp edge and nothing considerable of warmth. "You have ten more hours before my interest wanes."
Your smile weakens, blinking rapidly as you calculate your remaining time to draft something of substance. "Okay, sureâ that's not going to be a problem."
It's worth it. Dealing with Damian Wayne is going to be worth it.
I have reviewed through your spreadsheet in detail. Do answer my enquiries on my comments below.
- I believe watching romance comedy as 'theory practice' is highly inefficient and prone to fantastical expectations. Do amend this.
- As for my 'meeting' availabilities, I am free on Thursdays and Fridays at noon to two, on the condition that at least an hour be reserved for actual assignment discussions. You are required to provide evidence of actual progress for the assignment, or this arrangement will be considered void.
- Provide me a list summary on details for answers regarding possible interrogation questions during the party. It will be more efficient as compared to you providing me the details in person.
As for the assignment, your section draft is acceptable, and I expect our lab findings to be updated into your table by the following lab session next week.
Regards,
Damian.
You can barely contain your grin, kicking into the sheets despite the exhaustion that plagues your bones from grueling non-stop over the section and multiple tabs later. He had looked through your multi-coloured spreadsheet calendar, and actually considered it with his own enquiries. Typing out your own response, you give serious thought into his enquiries.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Reply: 'Fake-Dating Operation' Spreadsheet Review
Thank you for your detailed consideration of my spreadsheet. Your efforts are acknowledged and appreciated.
- I believe we are required to watch at least one rom-com that involves fake-dating. Neither of us have had previous experience in this department (unless you'd like to share valuable information), and it will boost our success rate.
- Perfect! I'm available on Fridays, and scout's honour, I promise to have my progress brought for each meeting session.
- As for the list, I will provide you possible answers, but some may require in-person explanations. I'll explain more this Friday!
Can't even express my thanks on how grateful I am, you're the best Wayne in history!
Signing off your name, you close your laptop with the giddiest smile you've had sinceâat the reminder, your grin falters. Your chest thuds faintly, as if reminding you that the fun you've just experienced can still be dampened by reality. No, you refuse to let it ruin your enjoyment.
This is the most alive you've felt in weeks, and you're going to make the most of it. If your life feels like it's finally picking up through colourful spreadsheet rows and columns, and waiting on an email reply from the most terrifying student in Gotham Universityâso be it.
Damian slides your extremely lengthy list across the lunch table, and you can barely hide your shock that he actually printed it outâbefore you catch sight of many red circles marked neatly around your points.
"Your least favourite vigilante is Robin?" He interrogates.
You blink in surprise, not expecting him to start there. "Well, he's not exactly originalâI mean, câmon, theyâre multiple versions of him."
His lips part, aghast in a half-caught scoff. "He's one of the most prominent vigilante figures in Gotham."
You shrug. "Spoiler's cooler."
He clicks at his tongue. "You have horrible taste."
"You are not telling me that you, Damian Wayne, have a favourite and that is Robin?"
He doesn't blink. "There are several other questionable details in your list."
"Yes, I can see that." Peering back at your list, your brows furrow. "What's wrong with liking Gotham's Pizza?"
"Only that you're clearly fond of days-old grease and artificial cheese."
"Hey, that's where it gets its flavour."
He shakes his head, disgusted. "I refuse to be associated with someone who has non-functioning taste buds."
"Fineâwe'll say we often have dates at Romeo's instead." You shrug. "Not like I'll be caught there after our agreement's expired."
He raises a brow. "Expired?"
Pointing at your open tab, you reference a newly added row. "Our break-up, scheduled for Monday after the party."
He stares at the date, before his gaze roams over you with a questioning look. "Despite my lack of experience, should you not consider the likely suspicions if you were to end a relationship three days after the party?"
Your lips part into an 'oh'. "I thought you would want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible."
His expression closes in, gaze narrowing. "I will not put my reputation at stake by agreeing to this facade, if it means having our efforts go down the drain because of an obvious flaw.â
Your grin slips out uncontrollably. âYou just said âourâ efforts. Look at us, the perfect team.â
His expression remains impassive, before he raises a slow brow. âSwitch to the assignment tab.â
âYes, sir.â
Resting below a willow tree, your third Friday with Damian is spent resting below the shade on your picnic clothâone you used to share with Paige. The sight of its red plaid, stuffed behind your piles of clothes in your wardrobe, was getting sadâeven for you.
Damianâs back is resting against the tree bark, shoulders nearly taking up the widthâbrows impossibly furrowed as his gaze narrows on your laptop displaying âTo All The Boys I Loved Beforeâ.â
âThis movie is non-sensical.â
âI think itâs romantic.â You shrug.
He tosses you a judgmental glance. âHaving your own blood betray you by revealing your own personal letters, is your idea of romance?â
âI mean Lara Jean and Peter, Damian.â You snort. âThatâs our main source of inspiration.â
âHeâs hardly appealing.â He scoffs, arms crossing over the other. âIs this the standards you expect from our arrangement?â
âIf this is mediocreââ You respond, aghast. âYou have no idea how dire love can be nowadays.â
His frown deepens. âYou are not expecting me to perform in this manner?â
âWhatâfalling in love with me?â You grin. âNo, I do not expect you to be Peter Lavinsky.â
He stares at you with barely concealed frustration. Before you can tease him further, something purple is tossed into your face.
A yelp escapes your mouth, the light weight of an object falling into your lap.
âThatâsâthe discontinued, limited edition Spoiler cap!â You gasp, eyes widening in realisation. âHow did you get this?â
He shrugs begrudgingly. âMy sister used to be a collector. She doesnât mind giving it away.â
âGiving it away?â You mutter incredulously. âThis is actual gold. Your sister is my favourite person on Earth.â
His brow twitches. âI bargained for that cap.â
You snort. âWhat did you exchange it for, your dignity?â
âYou have no clue on my sacrifice." He grimaces.
âYour sacrifice is acknowledged." You tease, before letting out another huff of amazement. âThis is the best day of my life.â
When your gaze falls back to the cap, tracing your fingers over the logoâyou miss the twitch of his lips into a semblance of a smile.
You missed todayâs meeting without prior notice. Not that your absence has affected my ability to resume our assignment, but after your frequent reminders to not miss on our mandatory meetingsâit leaves me with doubt that you intentionally missed our sessions on your end. Do update me as soon as possible on your status.
Regards,
Damian. (Sent yesterday, 1.20 p.m.)
Subject: Reply: Reminder on Friday Meetings
I feel I must reinstate that my previous email regarding your absence, as well as this reply, should not be twisted in its meaning as more than a mere enquiry. Given previous evidence of the average speed of your responses, a full 24 hours with a lack of response prompts me to send another email. Do respond when you are able.
Regards,
Damian. (Sent today, 1.32 p.m.)
Three respectable knocks resound against your dormitoryâs door. A groan escapes your lips, your head pounding from the cold youâve caught from a late night running through pouring rain. You had missed the bus and had to make it back before curfew, and now your body is reminding you of its frail mortality, chills shaking throughout your limbs and rendering you heavily immobile.
The knocks echo again when you shift your head deeper into the pillows. You muffle curses into the cotton, gripping at your sheets to steady yourself as you force your body upright. The world sways on its axis as you make your wayâshifting pathetically with every step, towards the door.
Missing your lock a few times, you finally grab a hold of the chain and slide it off, clicking the door open. Youâre immediately faced with a broad chest, donning a familiar black sweater. Shifting your gaze up, youâre met with Damian Wayneâs narrowed gaze, sweat trailing down his temple.
âDamian?â Your voice croaks, and even the attempt of speaking hurts. âWhat are you doing here?â
He takes one glance, and immediately, his expression contorts in⌠concern? You barely have time to explain about the cold, or an apology for missing the meeting, when you feel the warmth of his palm press against your forehead.
You blink, stunned as he measures your temperature. He shakes his head slightly in a disapproving manner. âYour temperature is too high.â His tongue clicks with his observation.
You suppose he was right. You did feel one wrong step from keening over and lying on your welcome mat.
âI got caught in the rain.â You explain, trying your best to pull together a more reassuring expression, one less filled with nausea-induced tension. âIâll be fineâjust need rest.â
His frown creases deeper. âHave you taken medicine?â
You try shaking your head, but that loses whatever balance you had left. The world actually tilts, or maybe you are the one who's obeying gravityâbut strong arms catch you before you collapse.
âLook at your state.â Damian grits, pulling you back upright but closer. There's barely any space left between the two of you. âThis fever, has it worsened considerably?â
âYeahâbut I didnât have anyone to call.â You mutter in truth, cheek still smushed against his chest as support. âI ran out of medicine a while ago, and by the time I woke upâI couldnât get out of bed.â
You feel his arms tense around you. Above the crown of your head, you feel a soft sigh. âYou have me.â He mutters, almost reprimanding.
Your brows furrow in confusion. âYou would get me medicine?â
âThat would be a start.â He states, his grip shifting with his words.
The world shifts again when his hands wrap around the under of your thighs, lifting you into his arms gently to not worsen your state. If your mind wasnât completely swarmed by the symptoms of your cold, youâd stop to think of how strangely sweet it was that Damian had come all the way to your dormitory, and that he was carrying you bridal-style towards your bed.
âItâs not usually this messy.â You feel the need to point out, words muffled against his sweater. âYou just have impeccable timing.â
His lip twitches involuntarily as he sets you down against the thrashed sheets. âOrganised according to your system?â
You smile weakly at the thought of your colour-coded spreadsheet. âExactly.â
He places his palm against your forehead again, and you subconsciously find yourself leaning into his touch. âYouâre likeâreally warm.â You murmur. âDo you always run hot?â
He swallows, touch lingering on your skin. âYour temperature is dysregulated. Iâll return soon with medicine. Rest. I wonât be gone long.â
âOkay.â Your lids fall shut, the pounding lessening with your head burrowed into the pillows, and his touch a gentle anchor. âYou knowâyouâd be a great boyfriend for someone one day.â
You donât hear a response, and your honest thoughts continue to tumble out from your skull like a cracked jar. âYouâre really nice, Dami.â The shortening of his name feels like cotton candy stuffed in your mouth, and you barely register the stiffening of his fingers. âFierce, but I like that about you. I like you a lot, actually. Not in a swooning way, but in aâIâm really glad I met you kind of way.â
He doesnât pull away when your lips finally clamp shut, but the silence is almost deafening. You peek open with one eye, catching his expression. Heâs staring at you⌠as if no oneâs ever said that to his faceâever.
âDonât make it weird.â You tease softly, voice tethered with exhaustion. âIâm just giving you your deserved five stars.â
You hear the soft echo of his scoff, withheld from its usual bite, but you donât hear much else after. Only that the lingering touch of his fingers over your skin stays put till sleep catches up on you, and the world falls silent under the weight of Damianâs gaze. Okay, maybe you were lying a little about the swooning.
Fevers fade, but the warmth that lingers seems to seep past the well-defined borders of a spreadsheet, or the predictable order of a listâlike the one currently in your hand.
"Favourite vigilante?" You quiz, red pen bitten between your lips as you laid stretched on the wooden bench.
"Spoiler." He answers, tossing you an expression as if to convey that he couldn't believe you even bothered with such a question.
"Good job." You tease, fiddling with the cap of your pen, attached at the end. "Favourite date spot?"
"Gotham's Pizza." He huffs.
You blink. "Hey, it's supposed to be Romeo's."
"You prefer Gotham's." He mutters.
"But you don't." You remind him.
Averting his gaze to your lips, his fingers loop around the red pen, dragging it gently out from your teeth's grip, and adjusting the answer with a cross. "That's irrelevant. I'm merely pointing out an inconsistency."
Your lips quirk up into a smile. "You don't even need this list anymore. Why bother keeping it?"
Tension pulls briefly at his jaw, but it relaxes before you can trace it to an emotion. "You haven't tested me on all the questions."
You lean in, the crinkled paper resting below your fingers as you gaze into his eyes. "Alright? Something off the books." You hum. "What do I think of Damian Wayne?"
He blinks, surprised. You wait patiently, the warmth of summer carrying the scent of grass blades past the picnic table, the world narrowing into the space between the two of you.
His lips part after a moment. "Fierce." He answers. "Though you're one of the few who doesn't run from it."
"What's there to run from?" You hum. "I think he's nice, you should give him some credit for that."
His brow raises, amusement flickering in his gaze. "That's not a common perception."
"Yeah, but no one else gets to experience him being their partner." You tease. "He even offers to rearrange your dormitory to a better system if you're lucky."
He scoffs lightly. "That's only considering if the existing system barely works."
"Just say you hate colour-coding, Dami." You snort. "I know you're itching to fix our spreadsheet."
His expression flickers for a moment. "Not exactly."
You tilt your head, questioning. His gaze averts to the open spreadsheet, something familiar after the weeks spent together. "It's grown on me."
Grown on himâdespite it being everything he initially found horrendous, from the many details pasted in long paragraphs into the comments, and the bright colours for the special shared Fridays between you two. Something warm pools in your chest, and you find your gaze trailing to the red pen held between his fingers instead.
"You're more prepared for this party than I am." You admit softly.
You feel his attention switch onto you, trained on the nervous tick you have where you hyper-focus on something brightly coloured. He twirls the pen once, considering.
"You don't have to go through with this." He says. "Just say the word. I'll honour whatever decision you make."
His reassurance makes you consider it, you really do. With the dreaded anticipation finally reaching its peak, with the party being tonightâyou have stopped to think if it was worth it. To show up in a room where the story's long gone sour, and your presence is more likely to be a blight than a welcomed gift.
Then again, you hadn't prepared this all for nothing. You hadn't gotten to know Damianâfor nothing.
"No, it'll be fun." You smile, meeting his gaze. "We'll be just like Lara Jean and Peter, but with better standards."
Damian's mouth twitches, almost imperceptible. "Agreed."
Your fingers catch onto the silk-like fabric of your dress. Once bought as a birthday present, you never had the chance to wear something like this. Walter had called it overkill, and you convinced yourself that youâd eventually find a day to wear the gorgeous shade without feeling inadequate for it. Nothing required overkill more than tonight.
Damian's promised to pick you up, even when you had reassured him that meeting at the venue was fine. You stare at yourself in the mirror, and something quivers in your gut.
You don't feel as brave as you'd like, not even in your favourite dress. The thought of the two people you once trusted most being together, exchanging normal niceties with you as if nothing had ever happenedâyou're seriously beginning to overthink just how horribly awkward this situation was going to be.
What if it wasn't like the movies? What if Damian saw tooâjust how horribly small you feltâand decided you weren't worth the spreadsheets and lists and medicine kit he over-splurged on when you caught that cold?
The party was going to be over in an hour, you had promised Damian the both of you would be present for no more than that durationâand now, you feel ridiculous in your own skin. You're tempted to text him if he wanted to ditch and just head to Romeo's insteadâwhen you hear the signature three knocks of his against your door.
You swallow your fear-induced nausea back into your gut, and force yourself to open the door with something akin to a smile. Your expression freezes in place at the sight... of Damian tidied up.
You knew he was handsome, you obviously had eyes, but to see him in that white collared shirt that made his green eyes pop, loosened at the buttons, with his hair pulled back and justâwow. Damian Wayne, you were seriously going to the party with this guy? As your fake boyfriend?
You don't notice the way his own expression completely falters at the sight of you. Nor the way his fingers tightened into a fist, digging into his palms.
You only notice how the silence stretched out between the two of you lingers long enough to matter.
"Hey, handsome." You start, trying to regain your composure. "You cleaned up nice."
He blinks, as if stunned. His response comes out delayed, brows pinching together into something honest. "You are beautiful."
Not you lookâas if he's only noticed. No, he emphasised the 'are', as if he's always seen it. Your heart doesn't quite know what to do with that information, or how to catalogue the way he's looking at you as if he'sânot pretending.
"Thank you." Your voice comes out weaker than you intended, because for all his intensity, Damian being soft is what renders you stunned. "I still don't know if I should do this."
His gaze clears, something steady offered to you when you return it. "You don't need to be sure." He answers, offering his hand. "That's what I'm here forâso you will not be alone."
He's right. Despite your doubts, seeing him in front of you reminds you of the steady presence he's offered from the very beginning. Through your nonsensical email threads, the Friday lunches, the rom-com binging, rushing to the store to buy you cold medicineâyour fears always quieted when Damian was near. Your smile brightens, taking his hand in yours. "Let's get this operation over with."
Walter catches sight of you first. His vision is perfectly facing the entrance, your ex's gaze meeting yours as soon as you step through the doorwayâand he immediately taps on Paigeâs shoulder. An insincere smile arrives on his expression, but it freezes in place the moment Damian enters with you.
He isn't the only one to notice. You knew the effect Damian had on others, standing out without even meaning to, much less in an environment like this. Damian doesn't seem bothered at all, because you feel his attention acutely trained on you instead. His hand rubs a soothing notion over your lower back, as if you're the only person he's aware that exists in the room.
Walter's gaze drifts, from the dress he hated to Damianâs hand wrapping around your waist. He puts the facts together, faster than you had when he and Paige had approached you with the news. The warmth leaves his welcoming expression, and he whispers something into Paige's ear.
Damian registers this entire exchange in under a second, and his hand tightens briefly on your waist, as if reassuring you that he was right beside you.
The distance closes in between you and the two people your life once revolved around, and you train your gaze on Walter, because you can tell immediately that Paige is struck by Damian's appearance, more so by his hand on your waist.
"It's been a while." Walter starts off, though his gaze barely lingers on you before switching to Damian. "Wayne, I don't believe we've been properly introduced."
"There hasn't been a need." Damian shuts him down.
The atmosphere turns icy the moment Walter registers the tone of Damian's voice. He laughs, astonishedâand embarrassed. Paige finally recovers in an attempt to salvage the situation, pulling together her best smile.
"Well, it's lovely to have you both here." Paige starts, and her voice is distantânothing like the girl you used to know, hidden under the blankets of your beaten IKEA sofa when watching Scream for the tenth time. "You look amazing, andâsorry, I'm just curious on how the two of you know each other?"
Her question is directed towards you, but Damian takes the lead. "She's my partner."
"Partner?" Walter chokes on his breath. "As inâ"
You finally find your voice to speak. "We are seeing each other." It comes out levelled, matching Damian's.
Their shock registers in different levels. Walter's nears disbelief, while Paigeâlooks at you, betrayed.
"I didn't know about this." Paige stammers.
"Yes, you didn't." You answer shortly.
She stares at you as if she's seeing a stranger. "Right. I guess it's been a long time since we've caught up."
You're tempted to laugh. A long time is an understatement. You can feel Damian's low scoff against your shoulder, and the absurdity of the situation feels less gut-wrenching with him by your side.
"You know she's a real mess." Walter speaks involuntarily. "Like her apartment's an actual hazard. Isn't that right, Paige?"
Paige freezes, lips parting into a gap, but Damian's faster.
"I am awareâthat she has her own unique system." Damian states, gaze narrowing in discontent. "It didn't take long for me to understand it, or to appreciate it."
"Appreciate it?" Walter sneers. "Are you sure you're talking about the right person?"
"Yes." Damian doesn't hesitate, eyes steady, fixing yours. As if he was conveying it to you instead of the audience, he answers. "I'm sure."
You swallow dryly, unable to hide the softened smile you usually reserved for him only when it was the two of you. Both of them catch sight of it, and you can sense the question becoming less of whether it was real, and more of the how.
It's easy to act in love when Damian's this close, muttering words like that, with his familiar warmth grounding you through the stagnant conversation. So instinctive, that you think it's easier than breathing.
You sense Paige shifting closer and you force yourself to focus, and casting her another glance, only to finally catch a glimpse of the girl who used to be your closest person.
âHey, can we talk?â Her expression is vulnerable, tentative in her offer. "Y'know, catch up in private."
Damian immediately shifts you back slightly with his weight, but you place a hand tentatively on his arm. His gaze locks onto you, reading into your expression. His brow raises as if to ask, 'You're sure?'. You give him a nod.
"Fine by me." You murmur, because despite everythingâmaybe a part of you still wanted to hear the honest truth. For her decision, on when she decided you shouldâve been cut out of the picture then forcefully glued back into what they envisioned to be the perfect way to continue their lives. Maybe you just wanted to see if the Paige you knew still existed.
The moment you enter an unoccupied bathroom, Paige presses the door shut and immediately turns to you. "You have to spill."
Your brows furrow. "On?"
"Damian Wayne." She points out as if it's obvious. "You don't even know him."
You blink once then twice, and something colder settles in the cavity of your chest. "Things change, Paige."
âIâm just worried. It's all just so sudden.â Her hand reaches out to grasp yours, and you resist the instinctive flinch. âYouâve always been sensitive, and a guy like him is just bad news. I meanâDamian Wayne? I get that it feels exciting, but he barely knew of your existence before and now, he's suddenly dating you? I just want us to be on the same page here, that it doesn't really make sense."
A scoff rises up your throat, barely constrained as she continues on, her softened voice a perfect replica of how she had been when you first made your decision to break up with Walter.
âYou know Iâll always support you if you need me.â She reassures. âYou can tell me anything.â
The anger bubbles so violently, and it hits you. That despite everything, you had came into this party hoping that maybe a fraction of the girl you knewâwho cried with you on bathroom floors when you experienced homesickness, who celebrated when you managed to pass your first year of medical school, who was there for your entire life in Gothamâwould still exist. That something would give way, and her leaving would make sense, to have a reason. You realise now, that you've only been giving her excuses on the basis of what she used to mean to you.
Your wrath gives way to something cold, absent of griefâonly the need to rip your hand out of hers. You do just that, and her shock barely registers before you open your mouth. âNo.â Your voice carries a finality, strength youâve been trying to garner since the day you lost her. âYou donât get to define my relationship with Damian, when you never addressed ours.â
She blinks, affronted. âIs this about Walter? We've already explainedâwe only felt what we did after the two of you broke upââ
âNo, this isnât about Walter. This is about us.â The coldness in your tone finally strikes something honest in her expression. âYou broke my trust, Paige, and then you invite me to this party cause you thought it would help make amends? I thought you brought me in here, to at least explain to me on what happened to us."
"You should've told me." She says, a frown stretched at her lips. "If you weren't comfortable being around me and Walter, we wouldn't have forced you to come."
Weâthe word runs through your mind like a tire screech.
âYes, I wasn't comfortableâI nearly died inside when it happened." You raise your head. "I lost my best friend, who drove me to karaoke night whenever I needed to forget about home. I lost the girl who swore to re-watch all rom-coms that ever existed in the 90s before we both turned fifty. I lost the only person I trusted since I moved into this city, over whatâa man? Was it worth it, was our friendship worth it?â
She swallows thickly, and you see a fracture of the girl you recognise under the glitter, and the tears collecting at her lower lashes. âI thought you understoodâthat I love him differently than you did.â
Your gaze doesnât flinch at the admission. âYou were by my side when he broke up with me, when I told you that he called my dresses ugly, when he said my attitude was too much, when he made me smaller because it was more convenient for him when I was quieter, and you still got together with him. Maybe I thought you loved me enough too, to understand why I wasn't comfortable with it.â
Her expression shatters, and tears drip down her cheeks before she harshly wipes at them, smearing her eyeshadow. âYou donât get to say that.â She spits out. âMaking it seem like I chose Walter over you, when you brought in Damian Wayne.â
Your brows contort. âWhat are you talking about?â
âYou decided to come to the party toâprove you suddenly became better than us just by being with a Wayne?â She snaps. âYou're acting like this because you think he's going to stayâbut you donât seriously believe itâll actually last when Walter could barely stand you?â
That anger, buried deep, comes alive with a roar. You take a step forward, causing her to inch backward as you close in. âThat's all youâre taking from this?" Your scoff resounds coldly. "Damian was the one who was there for me when you leftâso yeah, I have more trust in him to treat me like an actual person."
She flinches, her lips parting in the same way she had done earlier when Walter tried to make you small. Silent, and unable to do anything but lay there in her guilt of absorbing an idea of who you are in Walter's head, and erasing what made you human in her eyes.
"Rest assured. You will never gain my trust again to even know whatâs going on in my life and the people in it, and you never will.â
Taking a step back, you look at her one last time. Of the mess of her makeup, the same puffy eyes whenever she cries that you used to immediately follow up with the instinct to comfort her. You feel none of that now. âGoodbye, Paige.â
She doesnât call out your name when you turn your back on her, and she doesnât come after you. You needed that, more than you needed her to be the person you thought she was. To be blunt, and truthful to yourselfâeven if no one but you believed in it.
The euphoric lightness of your body from finally severing the bond doesnât last long, when a rough hand grabs at your wrist. Being twisted around, youâre faced with Walterâs accusing expression.
âWhat did you say to her?â
âWhat I discussed with Paige stays between us.â You answer coldly, tugging at your wrist.
His hand tightens more, almost bruising. âYouâre bringing in that attitude of yours, when we were kind enough to think of you? To let you stick around our lives?"
Youâre sick of this narrative, of acting like you shouldâve been grateful they thought to include you into this sick little group from your past life as if they hadnât completely burnt it into flames.
âWalter, get your hands off before I shoveââ
A fist slams into the side of Walterâs face before you even have a chance to finish your sentence. Screams erupt from the crowd, or cheersâyou can barely tell because your eyes are locked onto Damian, whoâs grabbing Walter by the collar with chafed knuckles.
Multiple eyes are on them, but your own gaze is fixed on Damianâs expression, who has gone completely cold. Nearly murderous, and filled with uncontained wrath. His glare, almost deadly, is trained on his target in a way youâve never seen him before. The composed, distant Damianâis nowhere to be found.
"You stay away from her." Damian growls.
"What the hell, man!" Walter spits, blood sprayed over his nose. "Do you seriously think she's worthâ"
Damian drags him closer by the collar, and something inhuman flashes past his concentrated gaze. "She's worth more than you ever will dream of trying to be. You are nothing, and even daring to lay a hand on her is something you will pay for."
âDamian!â You shout.
That finally reaches him, past the simultaneous gawking and murmurs. Itâs as if heâs reentered his own body, and Damian immediately drops Walter to the ground with a loud thud. Walter lands embarrassingly on his bottom, and his entire face has gone red with shame.
His gaze switches to you, and his wrath fades immediately into concern. His eyes fall onto your bruising skin, and his emotions fall apart into something colder. You have a feeling if you donât get him out of this room, this fight may escalate into something much worse.
Pushing through the forming crowd, you reach out. âLetâs get out of here.â You plead, holding out your hand.
His gaze drops to your fingers, then back to the forming outline of a hand gripped around your wrist, and you see his calculating assessment. Damian leans lower, muttering something low into Walterâs ear. It is quick, but you see the way Walter completely freezes in placeâhis struggle evading from his body like a statue. When Damianâs eyes meet your frightened ones once more, he doesnât hesitate a second longer before grabbing your hand.
Damian doesn't waste time in leading you through the crowd, towards the exit and away from the escalating noiseâand into the night breeze. When the cold wind finally hits your skin, his hand remains firmly intertwined with yours as he guides you somewhere far awayâthe fact still lingers that Damian, perfect track record and Wayne prodigy, just punched someone for you.
âYou punched him.â You mutter faintly, seated at a bench youâve both found, crisp leaves surrounding you with the faint singing of crickets.
âHe was hurting you.â
âDamian, the whole schoolâs going to talk about this.â You stress. âYouâre going to get in trouble, possibly a suspension.â
His jaw clenches. âI am your partner.â
Damianâs agitated. Over the situation, despite there no longer being any witnesses to his supposed protection. His shoulders are tense, jaw clenched and his gazeâyou recall how he had looked at Walter when he landed that first hit, the pure anger that seized him.
âNot a real one.â
He flinches, as if struck, and you knew immediately that your words landed wrongly. His emotions topple over the other, and youâre unable to name any that arises before it all falls apart like his bodyâs regained consciousness. Concealed, and distant.
âMy mistake.â He mutters. âIâve forgotten my standing.â
âDamianââ
âI do not wish to inconvenience you.â He states, words leaving in a bitter rush. âI have overstepped, I realise that.â
âDamian.â You call out for the second time, fingers reaching for hisâand he finally breathes when your warmth seeps through his skin. Youâre relieved he doesnât pull away. âThat came out wrong. Iâm not mad you punched the jerk, I wouldâve done it myself. I am glad you stood up for me, but Iâm just confused on why you did it, because there's nothing at stake for you, only something to lose.â
His expression stiffens at the verbal admission of his visible frustration. This conversation sounds much too real, and the lines that have been carefully drawn are erasing themselves, leaving behind uncharted territory. One you werenât sure how to navigate.
âYou do matter to me, as more than a role.â You plead. âI donât want you to think youâre someone I chose out of convenience. Please donât believe that.â
His breath exhales low, controlled. His gaze flickers with the briefest uncertainty, and you realise how selfish youâve been. This arrangement had been perfect for you, that you simply assumed it was the same for him.
âNo, you are not at fault.â He mutters after a moment. âIt is not your responsibility to handle the consequence of my actions. We had agreed on no complications, and I have done exactly that.â
His jaw tightens, before he finally spits it out. âI punched him because the boundaries of what was was real or imagined between us has never made a difference to me. He had hurt you, not only physicallyââ His gaze shifts to your reddened wrist, and it darkens completely. ââbut he is a culprit to your existing pain. I was angry, because I couldnât comprehend that I was finally faced with the two morons who thought losing you was even a consideration, and to see them hold no remorse for it made me forget my place.â
âIâve always excelled in being what others expected of me.â He mutters. âWhen you approached me, it was the first time I had not wanted to be confined to a role. I did not want to partake in a façade, becauseâI had wanted your request to be for something real. Then, you mentioned that you picked me because I had not the slightest chance of falling for you. It was ironic, and I knew then that I should've rejected your request."
"But I started to earnestly believeâthat I could separate emotion and duty. I could be in your presence, and not feel the consequences if the arrangement endedâbecause nothing would be real.â
âTill I realisedâhow much it affected me to not have you truly at all.â He confesses. âI shouldâve been honest, that this arrangement had become the opposite of what weâve agreed upon. But I was afraid, of admitting that I wasnât capable of control, of driving you away."
âDamian." Your frown deepens. "Youâre not going to lose me.â
âI donât know.â He blurts honestly. âI do not know how to handle want. I am built of structure, of worth to prove why I deserve to keep my position, that has always been what Iâve provided. I do not know how to want without providing substance to covet a person.â
âBut I want you.â He exhales. âNot once has it been pretend for me, not when it had already existed before our arrangement. Every moment I reached for your hand, every time I checked that horrendous shaded calendar of yours. I rushed over the moment you went missing when you were sick, because I had wanted to look for you. I have never once hesitated in calling myself your partner, even knowing the role was temporary. I want you, in the real, complicated wayâthat I've failed in being what you needed me to be."
"That's not true." You break. "That's not what I need you to be at all, Damian."
He finally looks at you, a little less restrainedâand almost startled at your words.
"If you had been real about this the entire time, Damian, then so have I." You admit. "I chose you because I thought you wouldn't have fallen for me, that is trueâbut that is because I also thought it was safe because I knew I was going to fall for you."
"I wasn't kidding when I said I like you." You confess. "In all of the complicated, real sense of the word, and you were always going be the one I was going to choose. Even if you had said no, I wouldn't have asked anyone else. I wanted you from the start, Damian, and that hasn't changed. I was going to ask you at freaking Romeo's after this, if you wanted this to be real too."
The moment those words leave your lips, Damian closes in. His fingers tug you by your waist, his hand wrapping around the nape of your neck, and his lips are on yours. Damian Wayne, who still has forming bruises at his knuckles from a fight he landed in to defend you, is kissing you on a park bench in the middle of the nightâand you're not dreaming.
It's clearly his first, but there's something so tenderly sweet about it that your heart trembles uncontrollablyâenough to render something wet at your lashes by the time he's pulled back.
He pulls apart just to meet your gaze, and you've never seen him this relieved. "This is real." He restates, as if he can't quite truly believe it.
âWe did just have our first official fight.â You murmur, cheek pressed to his chest.
"Official." He hums in acknowledgement. "I like that."
Your smile teethers into something soft when you feel the soft press of his mouth against the shell of your ear. "Yeah, guess our operation tonight ended in a success."
likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated! <333
[very strong suicidal themes and strong topics. can not stress enough these warnings, reader is suicidal. v strong self projection... english isnât my first language.]
the first time you ever had a proper conversation with sukuna ryomen, he saved your life.
that day was supposed to be your last, really. you had everything plannedâ letters written, belongings labeled with who to give them to, a plan in mind, and no doubt in your heart on what you were going to do.
you had nothing left.
your family would move on. your friends were already so busy, which would help. they would be distracted and they would move on, too. nothing in the world would stop, the world would continue spinning, and you were just so, utterly tired. you didnât care about âbeing selfishâ, all you cared about was just how badly you needed everything to stop.
you were just so tired.
too tired, in fact, to focus on anything as you walked into the roof of a frat party, deciding to enjoy one last party before you could finally rest. the roof was surprisingly empty, and you stood near the edge, leaning on the ledge quietly, eyes down on everyone partying downstairs, laughing and dancing and enjoying their best years.
the view was slowly becoming more blurry, your eyes glossing over with tears, taking a quiet, shaky breath, mourning the happiness you failed to ever achieve.
just then, the roof door slammed open, a loud groan echoing. âfucking choso always giving people the key. hey, you.â
you glanced over, gaze blank, vision cloudy with tears that you forced not to drop, and you paused. you could identify the tan, pink-haired frat president even with your vision blurryâ fuck, probably even with your eyes shut.
sukuna ryomen was known.
the usual clichĂŠ frat president, really. a heartless asshole whoâs great in bed, with a burning hot temper and knuckles that are always bruised with strangersâ faces to match. although, he definitely was prettier than any guy you had ever seenâ not that it mattered, really, you never cared enough to focus on pretty guys when your first priority was to survive, but he was easy on the eyes.
for some reason, the 6â4 football player froze as soon as your eyes met. you only blinked blankly, barely able to properly see him, lack of lights on the roof and tears not helping the slightest. you sniffled, praying your voice doesnât crack as you spoke. âsorry, am i not supposed to be here?â
he was frozen for a few more seconds, then frowned. âyouâre in my monday class.â
you blinked, not expecting him to recognize you, before slowly nodding, not trusting your voice to not shake if you spoke again, he stared at you for a while longer, before walking over, leaning on the ledge beside you.
you didnât care enough to overthink it, really, not enough to even think twice about why the life of the party was on the roof beside you instead of doing a line of shots downstairs. instead, you resumed staring at the party downstairs, trying to enjoy the last few hoursâ
âi donât know you that well, but,â sukuna murmured, voice low. you blinked once, thanking the darkness for concealing the tears that finally dropped, keeping your gaze ahead as he sighed. you expected him to say something shallow, irrelevantâ the kind of stuff frat boys spew to random girls on rooftops. âgive it another try.â
you blinked, mind going blank for a moment. you were quiet for a beat, eyebrows slowly furrowing in confusion, because there was simply no way he was saying what you thought he was. ââŚwhat?â
âgive it another try.â he grunted, voice low, serious. âone year ago, i was standing on this stupid roof with those exact tired, hopeless eyes and coming up with a plan because i wanted everything to stop. now âm fucking thriving.â
you froze, quiet and silent, heart beating too loud that you couldnât hear your own thoughts anymore. sukuna kept getting blurrier, but you saw his head move to look at you before he sighed loudly. ââŚiâm not going to do anything, not even stop you. but, i know exactly how you feel, and iâm promising you, it really does get so much fucking better.â
ââŚbullshit,â you mumbled. your voice was quiet, hissed between gasps that were a pathetic attempt not to cry. he only hummed, quiet.
âi would have answered that way, too.â he muttered, voice quieter. âfunny, isnât it?â
you didnât answer. you kept staring straight ahead, and sniffled. after a few quiet minutes, you breathed out, trying not to bawl in front of the stranger in your class. ââŚwhat stopped you?â
he let out a faint chuckle. it sounded sad.
ââŚyou.â he muttered. you turned to him this time, utterly confused, no longer caring about the tears streaming down your face and how much of a mess you definitely looked. if he was looking at you in disgust, you definitely wouldnât have noticed through the tears, anyways. his voice remained almost gentle, though. âthat was the semester i never forgot to bring a fucking pen with me. everyday i showed up, and no one had an extra one, and i had to go get one from outside the fucking room. then, that day, i showed up, and you had two. you got one for me, a stranger, and i realized that maybe i wasnât as invisible and meaningless as i felt.â
your breath halted, body freezing, tears flowing even faster. you could feel the neckline if your hoodie soaked with tears from how long you had been crying, but it barely registered in your mind when sukuna was casually mentioning that the reason he stood alive in front of you today was because you brought him a fucking pen. your eyes were wide, lips wobbling as they parted wordlessly, and you could finally make out the faint, sad smile on his lips.
âi just planned to raincheck it, you know. couldnât let your pens go to waste. but, by the time the semester ended, i felt... better. i remember fucking laughing then, because holy fucking shit, it really does get better.â he stated calmly, reaching over, warm fingers wiping your tears in a way rhat was so nonchalant that it almost made you laugh. âso, trust me, i know how it feels. gets really fucking better.â
ââŚwhat if it doesnât?â you finally manage to choke out. he hummed quietly, taking the time to think, before his fingers dropped away from your face.
âthen you will get better,â he spoke, voice serious. âyouâll heal and adapt.â
âi donât think i have it in me, sukuna.â you whimpered. âi donât⌠iâm so tiredâŚâ
strong, yet gentle arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a solid chest. he held you so firmly yet so carefully, as if you were going to break if he breathed wrong.
ââŚletâs try,â he whispered, a hand gently sliding to hold your head gently as you broke, sobbing, the sound muffled by his shirt, which you definitely were ruining. âone more try. just one more, and then âll never bother you anymore. iâll even give you a pen, just one more semester, okay?â
you sobbed harder. he held you patiently, waiting for your cries to die down, never once loosening his grip, fingers carefully rubbing your back to comfort you. after a few minutes, you finally pulled away, harshly wiping your tears, and he spoke again, voice even quieter. âone semester, and then iâll let you do whatever you want, i promise. please.â
you rubbed your eyes harder, as if that would remove the pounding headache that refused to leave you, even in your worst moments. ââŚyou donât have to be involved in this, sukuna.â
âi want to be.â he immediately argued, no hesitation. âleast i can do after you saved my life, really.â
âthatâs stupid. i just gave you a stupid pen.â
âthat stupid pen saved my life,â he repeated, frowning. âplease? please.â
you scoffed, the sleeves of your hoodie still covering your palms that you had pressed to your eyes; avoiding looking at him. ââŚi really donât want you burdened.â
âyou think i would do this if i didnât want to?â he grunted. âhave you heard nothing about me?â
you were quiet for a while, before you finally sighed.
you already had everything written and packed, plan ready, everything prepared. you already survived for twenty years, a few more months werenât too bad, right? and it wasnât like you had to force yourself if things became unbearable again, you could always just⌠do it.
worst case, sukuna would just end up as another letter in your life.
eventually, the curiosity of how sukuna thought he could ever make things better won, and you sighed, sniffling as you dropped your palms off your eyes, looking at him, your eyes exhausted and swollen. ââŚone semester.â
sukuna ryomen grinned like he won the fucking lottery. âi promise you, youâll never regret this.â
and years later, as you laid in bed, turning off the alarm set for you to go to a job in a career you finally felt comfortable in, sitting in a room with mirrors you no longer despised even glancing at, with sukunaâs heavy arm wrapped around your waist because your clingy husband refused to let you get out of bed with ease, your lips twitched into a small, tiny smile.
yeah, gets really fucking better.
a/n: this was lowk horrible but using this fic to cope so it doesnât matter anyways. do u guys like my new dividers I LOVE THEM shoutout to my tumblr crush fr <3
summary: After a mission with Damian Wayne goes side ways, and Damian ends up hypothermia vigilante reader decides the only way to save him is with body heat?
Tags: enemies to lovers (kinda), nudity, fluff, no smut, aged up! Damian Wayne, vigilante! Reader, mention of injury,Â
Comment: I love this idea sm it came to me miraculously and it had been marinating in my drafts for a good bit. But Iâm finished alleluia.
When Bruce had asked (forced) you to pair up with Damian for a LuthorCorp infiltration you had begged him to pick anyone but you, for two main reasons;
One, you cannot stand cold weather. Even the slightest chill had you piling on blankets and pumping up the thermostat. And Moscow wasnât just any average cold, it was a borderline blizzard.Â
Two, well, to put it mildly, you could not handle working with Damian Wayne. Was he good at his job? Absolutely, in fact, he was the most skilled you had ever seen. But skills only take you so far, beyond his talents.. he was the most arrogant, obnoxious and snobby person you had ever met.
âI gave you one job, to contact Batman about the safe house.â He snarled, an annoyed tone in his voice.
âIf you canât even handle simple technology, I donât understand why youâre here.â
You rolled your eyes not bothering to respond. You banged the side if the device against your hands and it whined then fizzled out. Damian let put a pained hiss.
âMy skills are more than sufficient. Your âhelpâ is merely uselessâ
He stated harshly, snatching the device out of your hand, fiddling with it until it snapped back to life. You shifted onto your good leg, like your body began to bear the weight of his words.
âI told Batman you were merely a liability to me.â
You rolled your eyes, what a gentleman. You couldnât tell if he was trying to be an asshole or if just came natural to him. Although âliabilityâ might be the highest praise from Damian Wayne.
âJust shut the fuck up, Damian.â
you scoffed, trying to keep your voice steady, despite the shiver you couldn't seem to shake.
âNo real names on the field.â
You didnât even bother replying, just shot him a glare only to find him wearing the same expression that you knew you had on your face. Â
His eyebrows were furrowed into his signature grimace, although it faltered when you had locked your eyes onto his. The expression was so slight that it was barely noticeable. For a second he had a look on his face you had never seen before. He looked lost, almost like he was conflicted.
After he broke eye contact his scowl seemed to deepen before he turned away to fiddle with the zipper on his jacket.
You decided to not let it bother you, storing the odd experience in your memory bank, and opting to focus on not slipping on the shiny ice that expanded over the frozen river.
âWaitâ Damian said with a scoff, putting his hand on your shoulder. It wasnât until he unwrapped the scarf around his neck that you realised what he was doing.
âI donât need it.â
He made a âtskâ sound with his tongue before he tried to put the scarf around you himself.
âYouâre shivering, Iâm not cold, thereâs no need to be pridefulâ
You rolled your eyes. So now you were the prideful one? Anger began to bubble up beneath your skin.Â
âFine, Iâll take it but donât come crying to me when youâre shiveringâ
You said flicking the scarf over your shoulder. It smelled like him. Like smoke and warmth, you hated how you liked it.
âDonât hold your breathâ he scoffed, an almost prideful smirk adjourning his features.You hoped he froze.Â
As the two of you continued your journey to the safe house you hated yourself more and more with every step you took.Â
You shouldâve pretended your leg was acting up, and convinced Bruce to choose someone else. There was only a 50% heâd believe you, being that worldâs greatest detective and all, but it was worth a shot.Â
Instead your first mission back had ended up in freaking Antartica. The cold sucked and it seemed to obly make your injury worse. Every step you took caused a dull ache to shoot up your leg, like a reminder of your weakness.
Lord, You wanted to complain, but your guilt sawllowed every word before it could leave your mouth. Damian was carrying most of the things you needed for your mission, as well and his own gear. He refused to let you carry more than your body could handle. You hated that. Hated that he thought you were weak, hated that everyone treated you differently. Hated knowing that they werenât wrong.Â
As if your leg had taken that personally a sharp pain had shot through your knee. After that it all went downhill.
Your foot slipped.Â
Then the world tipped beneath you.
âShit-â
You threw your weight onto your good leg, but after todayâs exhaustion it gave out. You twisted away from Damian, desperate not to drag him down with you.
It wasn't enough.Â
He had instinctively caught your arm, in an attempt to steady you, but it was futile. Your legs refused to cooperate. Your momentum carried you straight into him causing you to slam into his abdomen. Hard.Â
Already burdened by two packs of gear, he staggered backwards. His boots scuffled, searching for purchase on the ice, but there was none. He slipped. Falling in a way that felt entirely wrong for Gothamâs seemingly perfect assassin.Â
Then, to your horror, his back slammed against the thin sheet of ice beneath you and in an instant it gave way, shattering, and he disappeared into the dark water of the river.
âDAMAINâÂ
You screeched, as you felt your blood run cold in a way that wasn't caused by the weather. You fell to your knees, and reached your hand into the small pool of river water, searching around for the boy.
When his head finally surfaced, you felt relief wash over you. Taking a deep breath, you submerged both your arms under the water and used all your strength to pull him to the land. The cold water feeling like pins against your skin.
He coughed, spitting river water out as he violently shivered against the ice.
Oh God. Oh god.Â
This was it. You had killed him. First mission back and you had killed Damian Wayne.Â
You sat his body against yours and wrapped him in your jacket. Using your hands to make friction against his body.
âIâm so sorry Damianâ
He let out a groan of your name in response his eyes fluttering but not opening.
âYou need to try and stand up for me okay?â
He nodded, barely lucid, as you pulled him to his feet. Fuck, you were stupid. You felt tears prick against your eyes, as you hobbled to the safe house, following the soft sound of the gps like it was a lifeline.
 âWeâre almost there. Okay? Please donât fall asleep. Stay awake for me.â
You sniffled, your body shaking, because of the cold, because you were running out of strength. But mostly because you were scared.
âTalk to me. Please Damiâ
He groaned at that, his eyes fluttering open as he looked at you. A tiredness in his eyes that he had never let you see before.
âDid you just..â
You paused. His voice was rough, the sound was painful to your ears.
âDid I What?â
He blinked dazedly like he had lost the thought.Â
âDid you call me Dami?â
Heat rushed to your face
âJust focus on keeping warm Damian.â
You tried your best not to think about the pain of your leg as you stumbled in the snow. The adrenaline helped. Barely, but it kept you on your feet.
You never thought youâd be happy to see one of the justice leagues dingy safe house, but if it meant saving Damian from hypothermia well, youâd spend a couple nights.
âWeâre here, time to get you warmed up.â
You plopped him on the carpet against the couch, trying to decide your course of action. Before you saw the glint of the small porcelain tub
âIâm gonna take your clothes off ok?â
You didnât wait for an answer before you shrugged your jacket off him and tore through his soaked clothes, leaving him nude against the rug. You couldnât help but let your eyes linger on his bare body. He was probably freezing alive but his figureâŚwow.
You snapped yourself out of it wrapping him in a blanket, and heading for the tub.
You turned the facet, a painful creaking sound filling the air, but nothing happened. You turned it further, the rusted metal screamed but you kept going, desperate.
âFucking piece of fucking shitâ
You kicked the tub, the clanging sound echoing throughout the room.
Fuck. Damian was dying and you were having a rage episode. You needed to get a hold of yourself.
When you went back to the couch, Damian was shrugging the blankets off of him, his chest was rising and falling rapidly, as he groaned.
âToo hot. Mâhotâ
Fuck it was getting worse. His shivering had stopped, but his breathing had elevated. If you didnât warm him up fast he was gonna have permanent damage. Or worse.
âDamian you need to keep the blanket on, ok?â
You quickly pulled him back into the thick material tucking him in order to preserve his body heat.Â
That was it.
body heat.
You helped him to the bed, securing him under the duvet, before you quickly stripped down. Your skin warm under your countless layers of clothing, and slipped beside him. His cold skin sending a shiver down your spine.
You pressed your body to him as close as you could, reaching around to grab his hands in yours.Â
âYou there Dami?â
He groaned in response.
âsâtoo hotâ
You closed your eyes a sense of dread running through you.
âYou have hypothermia, ok? You need to warm up or-orâ
You cut yourself off before you could continue. You fucked up. You couldnât imagine what would happen if he didnât make it. If he had died and it was all your fault. You clutched him closer at the thought.
âDamian. I am so so sorry. I fucked up. I didnât mean to hurt you I swear. I-I just.â
You didnât realise how truly distressed you were until the hot tears were falling down your face. Landing on the boyâs already damp skin.
âPlease talk to meâ
He let out a sigh. His breathing begining to slow down.
âIâm okay.â
He took a second, his eyes flickering down to your face.
âitâs okâ
You sniffled, tangling your legs with his. Hissing at how cold he really was.
âItâs not Damian, I know weâre rude to each other and stuff. But I want you to know I care about you.â
It was the truth. And it shocked you. One of the times Damian had gotten under your skin, heâd somehow made a home there. Maybe it took him almost dying to see it.
You couldnât see but a soft smile spread across his tired features.
The both of you continued like that, you trying to keep him conscious while he gave short answers or a grunt here and there. After a while you gave up silence stretching between the two of you as you unashamedly counted his breaths.
âMâtired. Itâs warm. Niceâ
He was warmer now, lucid. Good.
âIf you wanna sleep name all of your siblingsâ
He chuckled, his body relaxing into you.
âDick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Dukeâ
Hmm his brain seemed to be working. You decided to put it to the test.
âWhatâs 150 x 21â
he didnât miss a beatÂ
â3150â
He shuffled, turning around to face you. You leaned your head on his chest, face heating up as you suddenly became more aware of your very vulnerable state.
He raised his brows, his face matching your deep shade of red, and you groaned into his cold skin.
âDonât look. Arenât you supposed to be unconscious or somethingâ
He didnât reply, just pressed you closer to his body, wrapping his arms around your back. His skin was still so cold, but he was definitely warmer than before. You just took a second to listen to the rise and fall of his breathing. He was gonna be okay.
âHow are you feelingâ
When he didnât respond, you carefully raised your head up at him.Â
âDami?â
He let out a small snore in response. Oh. he had fallen asleep. Pressing your cheek back to his chest you used your breath to further heat up his skin. And before you knew it the stable rise and fall of his chest had lulled you to sleep as well.
A heavy weight against your chest woke you out of your peaceful slumber. As you slowly became conscious the events of the night before rushed back to you.Â
Your eyes snapped open.
Fuck. You had fallen asleep.
Damian seemed to be fine though, with his chest pressed against your own, you could feel the beating of his heart, strong and steady.
âDamian are you awake?â
He groaned in response, before suddenly springing up.
âWhat?!â He looked around, his eyes scanning the two of you before his eyebrows shot up in shock.
âWhat did you do?â
You tilted your head at him in confusion. But before you could speak he cut you off.
âDid weâŚ?â He said, crimson faced, gesturing your lack of clothing.
you clutched the blanket to your chest. Becoming a bit self conscious about the state of the two of you. Well he definitely looked better.
âNo what? Damian. You got hypothermia and this safe house is shit so Ihadtousemybodyheattowarmyouupâ
To your surprise Damian started laughing. And not just any laugh, genuine, hearty laughter. The kind that made you begin to chuckle as well.
âOut of all your options you went with body heat?â
He could barely speak, his words coming out in between chuckles.
âShut up. I was scared you were like half dead, and, and I had to save you like the damsel that you areâ
He scoffed his laughter finally dying down. His eyes drifted to the piles of soaked clothing before he seemingly came to some sort of realisation.Â
âI remember now, I fell through the iceâ
âYepâ
âYou carried meâ
âDragged you but yepâ
âBut you leg? How did you?â
You froze. your chest aching with hurt. He didnât believe you could save him. It shouldnât have stung but to you it felt like he was validating all of your biggest fears. You tried your best to brush it off.Â
âThat doesnât sound like a thank you, I literally stripped naked for you. I donât do that for manyâ
His eyes trailed down to your body. Lingering on the lazily covered bareness of your skin. The way the light hit you made you look otherworldly.
you had really saved him.
ââŚThank you. You went against any and all medical recommendations as well as your medical training and you-â
âThis is the worst thank you ever. You literally owe me your life If you donât remember because I saved it. Your life I saved it.â You interrupted, running your fingers through your hair that had somehow fallen out in the chaos.
Damian gulped, his ears turning bright red at the sight.Â
âItâs greatly unethical to scold a sick man, in fact,â
Damian began rubbing his arms in a faux shiver.
âI think I feel another cold spell coming onâ Â
You scoffed at his terrible acting.Â
âWhat do you say we disregard the central heating?â
You rolled your eyes. Was Damian Wayne really flirting?
âYouâre an idiotâ said softly the words had no true weight to them. You felt this heaviness in your chest, quickly recognising it as guilt. You had almost killed him and here you were begging for an apology.
âI really fucked up Damian.â
His dark brows furrowed, and he grabbed your wrist trying to stop you but you cut him off before you could begin. You had to say it.
âIâm really sorry, I knew I was loosing my strength my leg gave and, and I Shouldâve said something. I swear I tried to twist away from you. But you grabbed me and it was too late.â
You paused trying to gauge his reaction before continuing softer than before.Â
âI tried so hard not to take you down with meâÂ
Damian paused for a long time, his sharp gaze burning a hole through your face.
âYou are impossible.â
You frowned.Â
âWhat?!â
Heâs never going to forgive you, youâre such an idiot.
âYou nearly collapsed trying to save my lifeâ
His eyes flicked down from your forehead to meet yours.
âYou ignored your pain, risking all the progress youâve made to keep me alive.â
His grip on your wrist tightened,Â
âAnd somehow youâve convinced yourself your some villain who tried to kill meâ
Your brows furrowed.
âIâm not some victim Damian. I put us both in danger when there wasnât even an active threat.â
âYou didnât throw me into that river. I fell, the ice broke.âÂ
You rolled your eyesÂ
âOf course I know that-â
âI chose to catch you.â
You let that sink in for a second really looking at him. He looked angry that you were blaming yourself. Like it was completely illogical.Â
Him cupping your face brought you out of your stupor.Â
âYouâre cryingâ
âThanks worldâs greatest detective I didnât realise.â You choked out, trying to decipher the meaning behind his sudden touchiness.
âPlease thats my fatherâs name, you can call me Damian, or Dami as you have seemed to like.â
You chuckled, shaking your head. He really was a big idiot. And you meant biiiiig.Â
When he reached for you, more of his abdomen had been exposed from under the blanket revealing his tight abs. You felt your face flush. What part of him wasnât perfect?
âYouâre unbelievable.â
âSo Iâve heardâ
Neither of you moved away.Â
The space between you two felt impossibly small, until.
âRobin please report- hello Robin?â
The rough static cut through whatever moment the two of you were having, causing you to jump back, while Damian stayed impossibly still.Â
long enough for you two to find clean dry clothes and get comfortable.
Neither of you spoke much. He focused on fixing whatever gadgets you had on you while you searched for any food in the safe house.Â
Initially, Damian had refused to let you get up and walk around. Not wanting you to put any more strain on your leg than you needed to. But you refused to undo your progress and the pain was at a normal level after the good nights rest the two of you had.Â
When you sat back down, you decided you couldnât handle the silence.Â
âSo whoâs telling Bruce that half his gear is trapped under ice?â
Damian groaned putting his head in his hands.
âIt was weighing me down, I had to detach it before I drowned. Surely it wonât bother him.â
You nodded at his explanation. You wouldâve put money on him getting angry, but you kept that to yourself.
âSo what Iâm hearing is Youâll tell him?â
The both of you continued to tease and bicker with each other until Dick had finally arrived outside the safe house.
You almost werenât ready to leave yet. Like youâd loose this side of Damian the second you went home.
You stopped him before he reached the door.
He turned, one eyebrow raised.
Without overthinking it, you leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
When you stepped back, Damian looked genuinely speechless.
"...You,"Â
he said after a long pause, ears turning pink, "are still an idiot."
You grinned.
"Yeah?"
The corner of his mouth twitched.
He placed a kiss on your forehead in return.
âTt. How have you become more of a liability to my sanity?â
You blinked, giggling.
Luckily Damian was still insufferable. But youâd be concerned if he was any other way.
âAwww high praise from Damian Wayne. Donât tell me youâre getting soft?â
He groaned, clearing his throat as he looked out the window.Â
âPlease donât let Grayson see, Iâd never hear the end of itâ
PT2 to my neglected beta!reader x toxic 141 (excluding simon), gn!reader
WC: 7.7k part 1 here
Simon thought Johnny was bad enough getting into his head and convincing him to indulge in an actual friendship for once. It didn't help either that getting along with Kyle was as easy as making a remark and laughing together over it. The team created a perfect dynamic, almost unstoppable.Â
Then came you.
You were always hanging around them, fitting in easily, practically always smiling at his jokes even on missions. Maybe a snide remark back here or there, but it was never moreâ always balanced. He supposed it was in your nature, as a beta and all, to be perfectly in between like that. Not that Simon was the one to pay much mind to societal matters like that anywayâ the battlefield was very different to social gatherings, and the only language he knew was that of violence. It wasn't like he couldn't get by either; it felt like everyone grew up with that small talk ingrained in them from the start. The weather, the latest mission, annoying recruits, the bloody royal family if he really had to.Â
So, when he started to notice the change around you, he decided to stay out of it. It was plain obvious you felt disappointed when Johnny got an omega, Simon felt a little pang even if he didn't want to. But he didn't know what that feeling meant, and he sure as hell wasn't going to call you out on it. So, he didn't.
Then it was Kyle, and your scent only grew even more sour. Still, you didn't show it on the outside, so he chose not to comment on it again. He probably never wouldâve reallyâ after all, who wants to be âcomfortedâ by someone who can't even fix himself?
When the Sergeants hung out, you were no longer in their little circle, always off somewhere else. He asked Johnny once, why you hadn't gone to watch a movie with them, only for him to just blink at Simon. âOhâ them? Guess we kinda just forgot to invite them. Weâre not that close, anâ we got an omega ân all now.â
Is that what happens? When an alpha gets an omega? They forget everything they ever knew and just.. lock in on that? Still, Johnnys relationship with him never changed, not like he did with you. Something was wrong about all of this but what was he supposed to do, force the Scot to hang out with you again? This wasnt bloody nursery, besides, matters like this meant nothing with the weight of the nation placed on the team. Well, rather on the four alphas, since he soon learnt you were being taken off their shared missions too. For the first time, he faltered during the briefing with Price.
âYouâre not bringing them for this one?â He heard about you being taken off of Johnnyâs but this was a whole team mission with your file not in it.
âWe have to spread resources efficiently. Technically we dont need them anymore, with two mated alphas. Theyâll be placed with the extraction team.â
Ghost wasn't stupid, he knew that part of the reason for you being on the team was because of the regulation effects of having a beta on an all alpha teamâ itâs the same bias that got him into the SAS anyway. Omegaâs never got this high in ranks either. But thatâs exactly it, itâs meant to be a part of the reason not enough to throw you off an op.
âWhen we need to go solo, theyâll be on that op. Itâs not that bad, Ghost.â Price reassures him, and all he can do is sigh and nod along. He already anticipated how your scent would tighten upon the news, a hint of sadness seeping in. This time he couldn't help himselfâ this was something he knew. So, he immediately secured your place the second he received orders of his mission, stationed beside him like you belonged. Heâd always been able to recognise the change in scent, from the smallest degree, something that was forced into him at a young age. This time, it was clear you were much happier like this, beside one of the 141, on a mission, doing something.
That he could definitely relate to. Heâs no stranger to feeling out of control when he can't contribute to an objective.
Having you beside him had a much better effect than he perceived anyway. Not only were you skilled and efficient, but he felt he just worked better beside you. And so he decided to set up a trip to the pubâ give you a chance to hang out with Kyle and Johnny too. He was convinced that they had just gotten to in their heads with their new omegasâ a honeymoon phase he supposes.
He kicked himself for not saying more at that fiasco, not forcing Johnny to regret those cruel comments in the moment. But you had already retreated back to your barracks at the end of the night, and he was left staring at your closed door with a chest aching with regret he hasnt felt since he was far smaller. The next day he hounded Johnny until he went to apologise to you, listening from the other side of the door in hopes thatâd be enough. Still, he had figured you mightâve still been annoyed after yesterday, wouldn't even blame you really, but instead the acceptance was one of a prey who stopped fighting. It didn't satisfy the wound in his heart even for a second.
âWhy have you denied my team for the next mission?â He stands before Priceâs desk, an anger boiling in his chest that he hasn't felt for years. He swore to himself he wouldnt let his happen again.
âYou know I'm mated, Simonââ
âBut iâm not.â His palms press on the desk as he stares at his Captain, the man who gave him a reason to keep going ever since this force had started. But he cant defend this, not when heâs taking away your purpose. âPrice..âÂ
âIf i dont do it now, theyâll force my hand later. Itâs a better opportunity for them to work with other teams tooââ
âBullshit.â He knows thereâs no more arguing when Price gives him that look. Itâs not like youâd be happy in your new omega teamâ he wouldn't be surprised if you grew envious of them from how their existence had thrown you out of the entire team. He knows something violent would burst if it happened to him.Â
ââââ-
Thereâs a heavy haze on your mind when you try to blink your eyes open, like itâs muddling all your thoughts into one. Youâre extremely hungry.Â
A small groan escapes you and when you finally open your eyes, itâs like theyâre forced to droop. You can feel dried stains on your cheeks which explains why your eyes feel tired themselves. What happened?
Thereâs a small rumble behind you, startling you but you hardly have control of your body right now so thereâs not much you can do but blink in confusion. The last thing you remember is training for the mission with the team, and by the pain rippling across your body, something mustâve happened during it. Still, your chest doesnt pump with fear, in fact you feel calm, like your body is well aware that youâre safe wherever you are.
Again, you try to move, inhaling a sharp breath as you force yourself onto your back. The pain is instant and you have to breathe out slowly as if you dont feel like thereâs tears across your arms. When you finally sober up, you stop scrunching your eyes so tight and finally notice the weight next to you. Or rather.. around you.
âW-what theâ?â
âââ
He had woken up to the feeling of you shuffling beneath his arm, but the muffled pained sound is what made his eyes snap open. It takes him a few moments to realise the predicament he had foundâ or rather put himselfâ in last night. One arm draped across your stomach protectively with his nose pressed as close to you as he could manage.
âYouâre up early.â He glances at the clock behind you, sat on the dresser, the early time of eight am flashing beside âSaturdayâ. Even though he knows he should be questioning why heâs even doing this, his body feels strangely at ease. Itâs even better than the day after a successful op.
âLieutenant.. why are we in bed?â You croak out, trying to sit up from the embarrassment of it all but his arm tightens to keep you from going too far. It startles you, against his intentions, leaving you even more confused than before. âWasnt i on a mission..? Andâ and there was a hostage.. is she alright? Did anyone else get seriously hurtââ
âMission went sideways âcause of a bomb strapped to a hostage, everyoneâs out alright. You got the brunt of the damage saving them, the rest of them are already going home safe.âÂ
His alpha isnt as fiery as he remembers it the night prior, the ache in his chest now a warm thrum with you so close. Still, you look uncomfortable, and that hurts his alpha more than being away from you. So he pulls away, letting you sit yourself upright against the headboard.
You take a long breath of relief at his words of reassurance, and he can only assume itâs your own instinctive need to keep others safe. âAnd how I ended up here..?â
âYou had surgery to remove shrapnel and a stray bullet that skimmed you. When you woke, the anaesthesia had you terrified, flailing about like a fish outta water.â He murmurs, gesturing towards the bandages peeking out from the hospital gown you still wore. It had ridden up in the night and now showed the gauze and bandages wrapped around your middle. There were some on your calves as well and the way you wince he supposes you realised about the one on your back.
âThey called me in to help stabilise youâ figured youâd recognise me. You did, calmed down a bit and then..â He trails off for a moment and you look up at him curiously, watching as he leans back against the headboard. He pauses, unsure whether to tell you about what you had confessed to him in your drugged state. âJusâ started crying⌠not sure what about.â He swallows and then glances back down to you. âAnd well, yâknow how weâd get, when another got injuredâ
Theyâve always had their fair share of injuries, usually due to their own brashness as alphas. He remembers when Gaz got shot like it was yesterday, the three of them wouldn't leave his side. It took you all the strength you could muster to force John to let you treat him, even if Ghost had been glued to his side anxiously throughout the entire thing too.
âI took you away from there, brought you here. Stayed till you fell asleep, and then I mustâve passed out myself.â
Itâs obvious youâre extremely confused right now, and to be honest, even he is. Heâs never felt a pack instinct so strong in his life, not even towards the rest of the 141â itâs still shocking him, and yet, he still cant feel anything but calm.
âSorry.. for the trouble i caused.â You mumble out but he shakes his head immediately.
âYou didn't cause any. Just glad youâre okay.â He gets off the bed, mattress creaking from the relieved weight and springing immediately after he stands. âIâll go grab breakfast. You shouldn't move too much.â
âââââ
It took everything in him to force himself to leave you to head towards the mess hall. Doing so also cleared his mind from the tranquility forced upon it, letting him finally go over the events of last night to just five minutes ago.
He had forgone all professionalism, and snatched you from the infirmary like it was what he was meant to do.Â
When he got back, you practically shovelled the food in your mouth whilst he restrained himself from telling you to eat slower. Still, he offered to help you clean up, since seeing all those wraps didn't make his chest any lighter regardless of instinct. Though,that was enough for you to adamantly shake your head and accidentally shut the door straight in his face.
âThanks for making sure I was okay.â You say gratefully, dressed in some spare clothes and picking up your phone in your bag to see for any messages about reports or briefings. â I should head back to my room though.â
He freezes, you weren't supposed to just leave straight away. Well, technically you didn't have a reason to stay, but a burn in his chest makes it physically impossible to watch you step away now.
âStop.â
You listen to his command, turning to meet his eyes as you wonder what else he could really want. The chair creaks as he stands, making his way over to you until heâs just standing there, scrutinising you.
âYou smell.. off.â
âWell.. I'm not using my usual shampoo obviously.â You give him a meek smile, and even though itâs not enough to settle the craving he just nodsâ accepting it.
âShould probably check by the infirmary just in case.â He mumbles, fighting every urge to scent you before he lets you go.
âI will.â
âââ
Three days.
Thatâs all thatâs passed since that night, and still his mind is a turmoil he can't unravel. As much as his brain insisted you needed some space, he found himself insistent on making sure youâre okay.Â
Thatâs exactly why the second he saw you alone in the mess hall today, he was beside you in seconds.Â
âAre you feeling any better?â Your shoulders jump in a way that makes him wince, but you relax just as quickly when you realise and smile at him.
âWhat, better than yesterday when you asked me in the hallway?â He likes seeing you tease him like this, as if the pain wasn't eating you from the inside. You hadn't got the opportunity to talk more than in passing, so you answer more when he looks at you attentively. âThe nurses gave me ointment for the burns, and I'll be back on regular training soon. Just taking it easier with lighter gym sets, and running instead to keep my body moving.â
Right, he remembers the significantly less damage on your lower half; running must be a bit easier than any other activity for you.
âGood to know, Iâll keep an eye on you too.âÂ
You look embarrassed by his words, quickly turning your head away as you hurriedly step forward in the queue. âIâm not going to exert myself, you don't need to do that.â
All he can do is shrug, trying to push down the feeling that bubbles with your reaction. Instead he steps in front of you to dish out your portions of food for you. Not too much, or too little, just the way youâve always liked it. He even skips the sides you don't like.Â
âI do, actually. As a lieutenant, youâre under my care. And as my beta, I need to make sure youâre well.â
It slips out so easily before he can stop it and he pauses, waiting for you to narrow your eyes in disgust. Who is he to claim you like that? Although.. you don't even seem to catch it, but he does notice the small quirk of your brow when you finally process a few moments later. âWaitââ
âIm on grocery run on tomorrowâ havinâ a team movie night on Saturday. You should come too, get some steps in instead of being in this stuffy base for so longâ Before you can even answer he places your utensils on your plate and then locks onto the exit. âMeet me by our usual car, alright? Eight amsharp.â And then heâs already weaving through the crowds, leaving you standing on your own.Â
ââââââââ-
For the first time in his life, Simon Riley was excited to see you. He hadn't really had time to question it, between the brand new load of paperwork dumped on him today alone and a million other problems in his mind. And yet, every time he glanced at the time ticking towards tomorrow, his instincts roared.
Would you allow him any closer than before? Although, sleeping beside him was already past many boundaries he had only considered heâd need to ease through now. Heâs sure youâd flash him that exact smile when he saw you waiting by the car, positive youâd be embarrassed when he no doubt did something for your sake.Â
Or youâd back up in fear, your eyes flashing with the same hurt you directed towards Soap that day. Youâd realise heâs no different than the rest, infact probably just as cruel as they are.Â
âBit late to still be working, Lieutenant, even for you.â
âJohn.â He murmurs, voice on the quieter end as he watches from his seat on the Captainâs couch. There was a small wad of paperwork clutched in his hands like he needed reason to be here, and not solely for the true purpose.
âSimon.â Price returns, walking over to his desk to light a cigar before returning to sit infront of him. âGot a feeling I know why youâre here.â
Itâs silent for a few moments and John is convinced heâll have to lure the question out himself. But it never really is that simple with Simon Riley. Straightforward as ever, he can't help but jump right to the point âHow did you.. know? Your omega.âÂ
Price raises a brow this time, having not entirely expected that, but nods regardless as he breathes out smoke. âFeel it in your chest first. Like your instincts are controlling you really⌠pulling you towards them. Itâs not like you can even try to stop it either.â
âAnd then what..?â
âThe mating bite. The feeling will come soon after, fast evenâ youâll get violent. But itâs whatâs expected, nearly every alpha goes through it. Just advise your omega to not fight back and there won't be much to clean up.âÂ
He pauses when the air in the room suddenly becomes tense, taking another inhale of the cigar.
âThe sooner you do it, the easier itâll be. You don't know when youâll see them again with our schedules. I don't want to see you actinâ feral on a mission desperate for their scent.â
Soon enough, it was the next day, and he had driven you to the nearest Tesco Extra. Luckily you had come just in time for a sale.. although that meant there were a lot more people than usual. Despite offering to hold it, the basket dangles in his right hand while you glue yourself to his left side. The explosion had left your senses much more sensitive, so sticking to him was the best option.Â
âAnything else you want?âÂ
âMaybe another biscuit?â You tease since heâs been filling up the basket with them so far, making you snort a little. When you did hang around the team, him and you were the only ones whoâd eat them but you didn't know he liked it this much.
He rolls his eyes at your teasing, and leads you to the next aisle. âGrab what you want and meet me over there.â Itâs emptier here, so you nod and watch him go towards the tinned food, now facing the shelves of crisps he left you with.
Well you know Soap and Gazâs favourites already, and Simon loves kettle chips. Youâre not sure if the Captain would also be there, so you grab a mixed bag for him. Would it be weird after not seeing them for so long? Strangely enough, you really can't bring yourself to resent them for what happened.Â
Was it really their fault? No one ever seemed to have the same problems as you. There was only one time you confessed it to a fellow beta on base, although he had quickly become defensive, shaking his head at you. âWeâre colleagues at the end of the day. As long as it doesn't affect work, itâs totally fine.â
âDidn't get the crisps you like.â You jump as he appears, grabbing your favourite and tossing it in the basket. âCome on, weâll get some drinks and go.âÂ
You trail behind him as he carries on, noticing an obvious hunch in his shoulders. Heâs tense, which for some reason you find entirely out of place despite you not even knowing him that well. Itâs just that, ever since that morning in bed with him, he felt soft, and warm, like everything youâd find comfort in. Surely those same clenched muscles aren't the ones that laid beside you?
Youâre about to spiral further into analysing his behaviour when you realise youâre at the checkout with him. âO-oh, do you mind if I run to the beta section quickly? I just need to grabââ
âAlready got you one.â He picks up the scent refresher from the basket, scanning it through, as well as other medication heâs also seen you use before. You can only blink at him in surpriseâthe prices had hiked even higher recently, and you had to debate over buying one or being able to afford morning coffees anymore
It brought a sense of relief to your heart though, that comforting feeling settling in your gut once more. Heâs alright, probably just a tough mission coming up.
âââââââ
The past few days itâs like a switch had flipped inside him, too similar to how the others reacted after their new omega. Youâre at a loss really, itâs not like heâs being rude, but heâs being distant. Like heâs cautious of you. To be honest, you were half expecting him to tell you not to come to the movie night anymore.Â
Though maybe you were judging him too quicklyâ itâs not all alphas, right? It was almost sickening every time the small bit of hope bubbled up though, like it was stupid to think heâd actually be the one to stay longer than the rest. You just hope the reason for this wasn't because of something they told him about you.
You were.. surprised to say the least when you entered the rec room alongside Ghost. The both of you had retrieved the bags from his car after he surprisingly called to make sure you were still coming.Â
Soap and Gaz weren't lazily sprawled across the couch like they usually wouldâif anything they seemed antsy. They were both sitting there, shoulders tense, Gazâs leg even bouncing slightly. You did hear they all came back from a mission recently but they were never this agitated, all pent up like this, back when you were with them. Â
âOh, hi.â Gaz looks upon hearing two sets of footsteps and smiles, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. You just nod, awkwardly fiddling with the plastic bags you grabbed from Ghostâs car. âWhatâre you here for?â
âGhost and I went to grab the snacks the other dayâÂ
âYâcan call me Simon, yâknow.â He takes the plastic bags from your hands and you nod sheepishly, not even realising you had been using his codename.Â
âOops, sorry.â He shakes his head at your apology and you quickly help him unpack all the snacks onto the coffee table for tonight.
âCompletely blew a mission and now ye come âere for a movie night?â Soap mustâve gotten up at some point, now brushing past you. His arms are like rocks when they hit into yours, and his tone is heavyâ almost accusing.
It catches you off guard, and you freeze, watching as he walks around the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water to swallow in one gulp. âWell.. we did always have the best ones, no?â Surely he didn't mean to be that harsh, clearly something had been holding their bodies in a tight limbo. It must be a poor joke, even if it dug deep.
He doesn't take your words in the tone you intended though, brows narrowing down at you in contempt. âDonât see why we âave to entertain the fuck ups. My omega was in thaâ mission, she couldâve died âcause of you.âÂ
âJohnnyââ Simon cuts in, voice low as he steps in front of you, his scent wrapping around you, weak enough to not fill your head too much. Heâs being careful for you.
Though before Simon can say anything more, you let out a soft huff, crossing your arms over your chest. âThatâs the risk of every mission, Soap. I thought as a demolition expert you would know that. Or are you forgetting the time you almost killed me?â
âThat was a calculated risk. And yer still standing, arenât ya?â He scoffs, rolling his eyes at your supposed argument. âYou were being reckless and stupid out there.â
âThatâs not what you said when I was on the team.â You snap back, anger starting to simmer inside of you too now. After all, they had constantly sung your praises when you were here. Itâs their own fault for throwing you into an omega mission when you werenât prepared enough.
âYou left the team.â
âBecause I was forced off!â
That pisses him off, because your words feel like an attack against him, and he walks right up to you, inches away. âWe never needed you anywayâ just a beta to balance us alpha out. Clearly youâre useless otherwise.â Though suddenly his nose scrunches, stepping back a moment before his eyes narrow into a glare. âYe fucking bastard. Coming in here, stinkinâ omegas, stinking of her?!â
Your jaw clenches as you watch his body language, something you picked upon living around alphas. They get explosive, very strong quickly. First his fists start to clench, the veins in his forearms starting to show. Then his scent starts getting thicker with anger, pumping into the air like a burning building. Itâs bad enough that it makes your own anger start to fizzle, hitting your head in waves of pain and you almost stumble backwards. Everything feels like itâs happening in slow motion, his hand rising upwards, the touch of skin against your cheek and the implosion of pain that spreads across your head.
Simon grabs you before you end up dropping altogether and pulls you away from him immediately, shielding you with his body. âI dont know what the fuck has gotten into you Johnny but you need to sort it outâ now.â His scent is thicker than youâve ever smelt it, in fact this is the most youâve ever been able to make of it. It smells like gasoline, sharp and lingering, and ready to destroy something completely. So toxic, it forces you to gasp for a breath.
âBoth of you, stand down, now.â
Priceâs voice echoes across the room and you instantly shudder, leaning against the counter weakly as you grasp your face. The bruise will darken tomorrow but you can already feel your cheek starting to swell. What really has you is the mix of scents all around, filling your head so strongly.
âCaptainââÂ
âNo.â Price doesn't hesitate to march over, standing in between them as Ghost thrums with anger. You look over to the doorway, hearing the small creak as it closes Gaz standing there with his arms crossed. âYou are soldiers, not fucking children.â He argues, pointing an accusing finger towards the Scot before turning to give Ghost an equally sharp glare.Â
Then his eyes find you. All you can do is stare back, wondering how heâll react. Would he blame you for all this? Would you be the scapegoat to keep his perfect little pack intact?
Would you let him humiliate you once more?
Youâre a soldier, a beta one, but a fighter nevertheless. Missions youâve fought through, almost died on, saved lives during. For this? To end up like this? You push yourself to stand despite the heavy scents weighing you down, regardless of the stare his alpha is directing to your beta. Everything tells you to submit, the haze in your head and the throb across your cheek.Â
âYou should go, I'll talk to you about this later.â Price commands, nodding his head towards the door. Surprisingly, his words weren't as harsh, in fact more exasperated than anything.Â
âEnjoy your movie night.â You murmur, grabbing your jacket where it was on the chair and throwing it over your arm.Â
âWaitââ Simon starts, backing away from his offensive on Soap instantly to follow you. âDonâtâ You hear Price stop him, his hand wrapped around his forearm to stop him chasing after you.Â
ââââââââ-
If that wasn't enough of a reason for you to give up on all of them, you don't know what is anymore. Theyâve treated you so horribly, it was hardly arguable anymore that you shouldnât have even tried with them again. This was all so stupidâyouâre so stupid for even thinking this time it could end differently. You could never coexist.Â
As for Simon, all you feel is a deep regret in your stomach. It was obvious really, of course he mustâve just been smelling omega on you this entire time. It was just a biological confusion, not a genuine interest in you. He didn't care about who you were, his alpha smelt an omega, and thatâs all that really matters. It makes you feel sick to your stomach, knowing that you had in some way probably tricked him. His alpha probably had him strung up all week, no wonder he looked so uncomfortable in that shop and every day past.Â
The chat with Price never happened. They had been briefed almost immediately after you left for an op, and you heard the chatters of their departure the next day. So with them all gone,it was time to get back to work. You had briefings to attend, reports to fill and to forget about everything that happened. Or what didn't happen between you two.
Except you can't.
Everytime you get a second alone with your thoughts, they drift back to him, to that morning and waking up beside him. The last time youâve woken to someoneâs scent around you was when you were very little, your family huddling together in the nest. That stopped as soon as you presented.
Now youâre stuck with this emptiness in your chest. At first you thought his scent had been too strong, and you even tried two pumps of the scent refresher to try and clear your senses. Not even that worked, if anything making it worse now that you longed for his scent even more.Â
Thereâs a small balcony you used to see him smoke at, when you first joined the team. He came up here once or twice, and then over the two years you spent with them, never again. In fact, you overheard the sergeants say he quit it altogether. You pause by it today, staring out at the worn railing, the remnants of ash sitting upon it, the mark of his shoe making an outline on the unused floor.Â
For some reason it makes your eyes water, mourning a connection you couldâve had but seems impossible now.Â
â-
Itâs late at night a few days later. You had taken the opportunity while they were gone to take all of your things out of the rec room. Sure, you shouldâve done it before, but a small part of you was still clinging on to possibility. Your blankets that you and the sergeants would swaddle yourselves in on colder nights, the tea strainer you bought to show Price how to use leaves instead of the bought bags, even the few mugs in the cupboard you bought to match them. You left behind the one Soap bought for your birthdayâ perhaps it belonged there more than it ever did to you. Can't forget the CD player you let Gaz borrow a million times either.
They don't suit your room, the colour clashes with the boring greys in here, and they look like a pile of junk from where youâre beneath the duvets, staring at them. Itâs almost midnight, and you know you should be sleeping, but it's a Friday night so to hell with that. You could afford late night wallowing; itâs not like you had anywhere to be tomorrow.
They were supposed to come back today. You heard it from Laswell when discussing something else; she must not know what happened between you. Either they chose not to tell her..or forgot, since you were never that important anyways. The clock blinks one am, maybe you really should sleep.
âââ
The knock on the door breaks your sleep, and you can only assume it wasn't the first as it continues, each one seeming to become.. slower. You crawl out of bed, mind trying to run a million possibilities through your awakening brain. An emergency mission? Bad news? A sudden attack? An intruder?
âPlease..â You hear the groan on the other side of the door, convincing you enough to open it instantly and reveal the other side.Â
Ghostâ or rather Simon, with his mask now fallen at your feetâ leans against your door frame, blood dripping onto the floor from a wound near his middle and his eyes glazed over. âBeta..â He breathes through a pained wince, chest sinking quickly.Â
âSimon?! You should be in the infirmary, not here- â You scoff, gaze flicking between the blood staining the floor, his hand clenched over the wound and the grime clinging onto his hair and neck.
âNoâ no- canât think..â He steps forward, every movement heavy with pain and hurt and yet his eyes stay locked on you. His words are desperate as his hand clenches the handle, sucking in a strained breath.Â
âA-alright, fine. Iâve got some stuff somewhereââ Opening the door fully now, you reach for his hand, letting him lean the brunt of his weight as you haul him towards your bathroom. Itâs only when you manage to get him to sit on the toilet seat do you free yourself from him, rummaging through your cupboards desperately. âHere- okay, lift your shirt we need to fix that quickly.â
Luckily the wound had just been leaking into the bandages so all you had to do was repack and replace, although you had to deal with his incoherent groans the entire time. Tucking the clean edge into the wrap, heâs finally alright again and you sigh in relief, stepping back.
âStopââ He grasps your wrist as you try to put the box back, forcing you to stay in place as you raise a brow at him.
âI need to put it back.â You sigh, unable to fathom what was up with him right now.
âStay.âÂ
âSimon, Iâm just going to the cabinet..â You sigh as he shakes his head adamantly, pulling you closer even as you try and resist. âLet me go.â
âNo.â
âSimon.â You say firmly, a fresh wave of your scent rolling through the air. Never have you used it on any of them before, in fact it only ever worked on inconsolable civilians youâve saved. Beta scentâs only had the purpose of calming down people anyway, not like an Alphaâs commanding force or an Omegaâs lure. âLet me go.â
So when he immediately goes lax, fingers grazing your palm as he gently lets go, you step back in surprise. What?Â
You keep one eye on him as you place the things away, but he just stays, unmoving. As you close the cabinet, you take a step towards him again, gently pulling down his shirt only to feel the soaked blood on it, as well as the gunpowder and grime. Definitely not a good mission then.
âWhy.. don't you wash up, alright? Iâll get you some clothes.â
For a moment youâre convinced youâll have to drag him yourself, but he takes a small inhale and nods quietly, standing the best he can before he kicks off his shoes and socks. Listening like a loyal dog.
â
You make your way to his room with your own mind full of questions from his strange behaviour. Why did your scent have that effect on him? Why did he come to you? Why did he always call you his beta?
The door unlocks easily with the card you nicked from his gear, and his room is in disarray. It wasnât uncommon for a pack to have scented items from each other, or very close friends; it usually helped with sleeping or just getting comfortable. You remember Gaz and Soap often had items in each other's rooms for that exact reason, though they never traded with you, even if you never asked yourself.
You immediately noticed Priceâs sweater on the floor, kicked to the door. Beside the dresser was Gazâs spare shirt, crumpled and half shoved beneath the base. Soapâs jacket was behind the bathroom door, hidden away from sight like something that couldn't bear to be seen. In the midst of it was a pair of gloves you lent him during a mission when he was damaged badly. Like a pillar in chaos, it was neatly placed beside a brand new scent refresher and a pack of your favourite snacks. Surely, just a piece of repayment, right?
ââââââ
The shower is quiet when you re-enter your room, and you hesitantly step towards the bathroom door, turning the handle. âBrought some clothes.â You murmur, watching the door handle turn.Â
âThank you.â He says, the same gruff tone but quieter, and takes the clothes you pass through the gap.
Surprisingly, he doesn't close it after, letting you hear his quiet shuffling as he changes. It feels weird standing on the otherside, knowing you can just walk in and see him bare like thisâ an alpha left vulnerable. Though, can an alpha truly be vulnerable before a beta? If anything, youâd always be vulnerable alone with him, and heâd always be the strongest in the room.
âI saw my gloves on your table.â You mumble out, stepping back to take a seat on the edge of your bed. His silence doesn't help your inability to keep in the thoughts running wild in your head.Â
His breath hitches behind the door, something youâve learnt to notice since you can't read his facial expressions. âI meant to return it to you. But.. I hadn't washed them yet.â
Just as you thought.
The door opens, and he steps forward, the grime washed off and bandages covered by the thin cotton shirt. He looks exhausted like this, like everything weighing down on him has finally caused him to crumble. Just like the others, his shoulders stay taut.
âYou left their things on the floor.â
Your beta is desperate to soothe, to understand the problems within his pack, and help him through them. No sane alpha would push away his packâs items, it has your beta ringing alarm bells across your mind.
âDidnât need them.â He murmurs, one hand tugging at the end of his shirt as it clings to his damp body. Youâve never seen him fiddle with things like this, running his tongue over his lips.Â
âYou didn't need your packâs items?â You huff out crossing your arms over your chest. âAt least make the lie believable.â Maybe this was his own strange way of pushing you away like they had, because you just wouldnât understand, would you?Â
âItâs not a lie.â He grunts, eyes flickering over you and then towards the doorâ like heâs about to bolt. Not now, not after everything.
You stand, blocking his path as you look at him. âWhy did you come here, Simon? Itâs not because you feel guilty about the other day, and you shouldn't anywayâ Soapâs right. Iâm not needed.â
âYou are.â
âIâm notââ You shake your head adamantly, turning towards the door. Thereâs no way you were going to sit around and be humiliated again, intentionally or not.
âWe need you.â He says firmly, hand grasping your wrist as his strong ash suddenly washes over you and thickens in the air. Itâs all you can smell, echoed by the weight of his words. Though, you feel his grip immediately falter afterwards, like instant regret. The scent calms quickly, back to the dull linger it usually is as his fingers fall to gently holding your palm. âI.. need you.â
For a moment youâre stunned, scent sprawling anywhere for something solid to grip onto as you try and weave through the possible meanings of his words. Him, Ghost, the soldier feared across foreign countriesâ soil and by his mask alone, needs you? A beta?Â
âI dontâŚâ understand. The word falls silent on your tongue, glancing down at his hand on yours in the low light. âI thought.. the omegaâs I work withâ their scent rub off on me. Thatâs the reason for all of this, isn't it?â
âNo, no.â His grasp tightens when you try to pull back, feet following you as you step back, until you take a seat against the edge of the bed. âYour scent, itâs been driving me insane. Itâs like I can't function without it.â
âBut thatâs not possible, Simon. Iâm not an omegaâ I can't lure you like that- even the sweetest scent is nothing more than cheap perfume.â You argue, because itâs the truth and there isnât anything more to it. Itâs facts, written and studied extensively in biological research that forms the foundations of society. There could be no other explanation because it just didn't exist, it never will.
His grip tightens again and this time his lip curls back, almost like heâs snarling.. except he seems to be more frustrated with his own actions than at you. âLust isn't going to save us soldiers.âÂ
You see it now as you look at him properly since patching him up. His eyes are half lidded but you can see how his pupils have expanded in the short time youâve had him here. Sorting out the blood spilling out of him mightâve helped, but he was crashing fast now that the pain-induced adrenaline was wearing off.
Now he just looked exhausted out of his mind, frantically holding onto his self control as his eyes locked onto the scent glands on your wrist. You could almost read his thoughts now, how he was slipping off the edge, fingers beginning to tremble. Wounded, exhausted and desperate for a moment of solace.
âSimon..â You whisper again, itâs been more than a few times tonight, but this time itâs different.
He drops to his knees before you, hitting the soft rug beside your bed as his hand holds onto yours. His mask had been off the entire time and yet only in this moment do you truly acknowledge the vulnerability before you. âPlease, scent me.â He murmurs, low and soft though not gentle with the rasp of greed that bubbles from his throat. Like he told you, he needs this. He needed you. âLet me be.. your alpha.â
The silence rings loud between you, even from the slow drops from the bathâs faucet and the whir of the bathroom fan fading into nothing. âOkay..I will.â You nod, breaking the dam holding him together and he doesn't even let out a breath until he presses his nose against your wrist. The inhale he takes is greedy, like he wants every last scent coating the air, and then the exhale comes, his body dropping like a bomb.
âThank you.â He breathes and you watch as he lifts your hand as he rises himself, and you realise now he doesn't have his gloves on from the feeling of his bare skin warm against you.
Itâs like he doesn't even hesitate, gently rubbing his wrist against the scent glands on yours. You knew what was coming, read about it a million times between alphas and omegasâ hell even heard a million more from them in your youth years.
Scenting, when the alphaâs scent envelopes your body, like a shot straight to your brain.Â
Except, this isn't like anything they described.
You can feel your scents starting to mix, intertwining together before separating once more. Theyâre tied in the middle like a promise and yet sprouting at completely different ends and filling the room. His scent changes, shifting from the harsh burnt tinges of ash and smoke like theyâve been washed up by yours. Itâs petrichor, the damp aroma whenever rain ingrains itself into the soil and washes over rocks. The smell is fresh, earthy and it feels like the relief of rain when it finally comes crashing down, washing over the ground and letting the dying flora renew.
But yours? Yours blossoms in magnitude, like a bubble that has grown and grown until it suddenly bursts. Youâve never smelt it so strong before, used to the quietness of it all, but itâs finally loud. Sweet honeycomb and chocolate, an appetising combination so rarely put together it makes his entire body melt. Itâs comforting like a warm drink on a cold day and refreshing like a breeze on a summer night.Â
You barely get a chance to shuffle backwards before heâs crashing into you, nose forcing itâs way towards your neck as his limbs one by one fall slack, muscles turned to the mere meat theyâre made from. A low purr rumbles through him, up his arms where they wrapped around your middle and his chest which is pressed against yours. His eyes have fallen shut, content to be pressed against your nose gland as he lets everything go.
âMy beta..â He murmurs, squeezing you tighter to the point youâre forced to exhale yourself and appreciate the warmth and comfort in the room. This was the first time youâve truly been able to appreciate a friendâs scent without feeling your head start to spin, and it felt amazing. Like everything in the world was set in place, nothing could even shift the balance in this room.Â
You squeeze him back, a small huff of laughter bubbling in your throat when he groans in contentment. His scent starts to settle once more, now the faint smell of smoke returning though with the gentleness of a campfire, easing your senses.Â
âAlpha..â You breathe out, letting your own body relax under his, eyes slipping shut in his grasp. Your beta was satiated, curling up for the first time in weeks, and you were more than happy to lay your heart beneath him.
----------------------------------
part one Buy me a coffee!
one more part and then this will be done!! thank you for reading alonga nd im so shocked at how many people loved the first one sm! please leave ur thoughts in the comments <3333 ALSO THANK YOU FOR 5000 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!
general cod: @heyitsniki18 @insanityall @twoandahalfdimes @ririerm @alexinarcadia @sgt-artemis-owl-riley @fries-pls @tikitsune
taglist (thank you SO much to @lexloon for putting this tgt for me):
abstract: higuruma pissed you off; heâs stupidly smart, punctual, and has all the qualities of being a top future lawyer (even if he seems to have the emotional intelligence of a puddle). all the reasons why you would do anything to be at the top of your shared political theory class. even if it means having to play romcom heroine with him.
tags + cw: college au! hiromi higuruma x reader; 13k w.c ; academic rivals to lovers; rom-com + music references; fluff + smut; a bit corny but that's ok; #repost from my old blog -- art by mizuart_bolillo on twt <3
aniyaps: those who remember this fic... but yeah, it's edited ! (the original draft was written in hs jesus christ... i cringed so bad editing this but it's better now, i swear) this shit was legit my magnum opus but hopefully my college au! choso fic can surpass it⌠coming soon!
âLiberty isnât inherently owed,â Hiromi said, tapping his black pen against the mahogany of the table. âItâs a construct that is shaped and regulated by those in power and in turn, rewards control rather than fairness.â
Higurumaâs words echoed throughout the lecture hallâ calm, precise, and annoyingly punctual. His tone was crisp and assertive; like listening to him was like listening to a future litigator (probably was).Â
âTo negotiate liberty through the lens of moral fairness is to assume that the system is built on fairness. However, it is designed to maintain hierarchy.â
You thought the pen you held was about to explode considering that you gripped it so tight, your knuckles were turning white. You didnât even notice the way your jaw clenched at his words.Â
Itâs just that the bastard kept speaking like he knew everything. But thatâs the thing. He wasnât wrongâand that sole fact pissed you off to no avail.
Hiromi Higuruma is smart as hell, top of your class too. However, despite all his academic acclaim, unfortunately, the same praise can't be applied to his... affinity for social interaction. Even a goddamn puddle of spilled coffee would be more charasmatic and warm than him.
For the entire term, you donât think youâve ever seen him raise his voice or even laugh at anything, despite your professorâs occasional corny jokes that you canât help but laugh out of sheer pity. He just sat there like a statue, except for the occasional clicking of the pen that would also, quite frankly, irk you (maybe you should really reevaluate your anger issues like your friends have told you. Or maybe it's just him).
You constantly hear about the praise he receives, despite not having some courses together; always mentioned for being âbrilliantâ and âahead of the curveâ. Obviously, given the fact he can be quite a prick, and the fact that he is your "academic rival" as you'd put it, of course you were irritated.
He always came to lecture dressed like he had a deposition afterward. Ironed his clothes perfectly pressed, and his plain expression looked like he was bored with everything.Â
That shit drove you absolutely insane.
Not to mention, that he simply seems conceitedâcocky. He doesnât greet anyone, and apparently during group presentations, he does his part and leaves everyone else scrambling.Â
You hated vain people like that. Hated people that thought they were above others and acted that way.
âInteresting, Higuruma. Very interesting.â Your professor said, looking devastatingly bored. âDoes anyone care to respond? Any commentary or inquiry?â Again, your professor's tone seriously sounded quite monotone. Granted, this was a 9 A.M..
Suguru, your friend beside you, shot you a glance that was practically screaming âdonât do itâ.Â
Suguru, along with almost everyone in the class, were already aware of Higurumaâs antics. That is who he was known as: the know-it-all that always had his hand raised.
He was also unfortunately aware of your disdain for the guy; how he aggravated you with his constant "raise of the hand" and refusal for human interaction in the hallways. To be fair, he didnât even want to take the class but had to as a philosophy major. However, that isnât to say he didnât find your one-sided beef with the guy not entertaining. Just the sheer mention of Higuruma had you fuming. It was fucking hilarious.
âY/N. Donât,â he whispered.
Too late.
You already raised your hand with a prissy little smile etched on your face.Â
Maybe it was the fact that you woke up late, got your coffee order done wrong, and the fact that you lost your train card. But you werenât about to deal with Higuruma getting the last word like always.
You didn't back down. And you didn't want to (unfortunately, you were also too prideful to put your hand down given the fact it shot up so fast).
âYes,â you said, clearing your throat. âWith respect, Higurumaâs argument assumes that liberty is transactionalâthat it is something handed down or withheld depending on someoneâs access to institutional power, is not libertyâs fault rather those systems.â
You noted the way Higuruma turned to look at you from the front of the lecture hall. He didnât even look at you with disdain rather interest. His gaze towards you lacked the usual judgement it had when someone said something stupid or redundant during class and his eyebrows were pinched together.Â
He was listening intently to what you were saying.
âRousseau would argue that liberty must exist independently from power structures and when it doesnât, that just means the social contract is brokenânot that liberty itself is just leverage. Then that means, we risk reducing liberty to a tool of oppression rather than a foundational principle worth reclaiming.â
You could hear Suguruâs slight chuckle at your words, challenging Mister âDefinitely-Going-To-A-Top-10-Law-Schoolâ. He looked at the rest of the class to notice that everyone was looking at youâand how could they not?Â
You were the first person to really challenge something âthe genius of the classâ said. And you kind of had a point with your words? Oh, how could you. How utterly preposterous.
You shot your professor and Higuruma a smile. Higuruma tilted his head towards you almost innocently. Like he wasnât aware that your words were dripping with malice and opposition.Â
One to nothing.
Your professor went back to pacing and his expression ceased from looking bored. âYou have a point, Miss L/N. Very valid challenge to Mister Higuruma and his commentary. Now back to page 466âŚâ
Suguru snickered as he tapped his pen on the table. âThat is probably the first time in the semester that someoneâs gone up against him during lecture time. How nice, Y/N.â
âYeah. No thanks to you,â you sneered, gaining post-discussion clarity. Â
However, you never thought that you would really interact with Hiromi Higuruma again after that. He was an uptight know-it-all with his personality depth equivalent to white-out, and you purposefully avoided him even before all of this. Even so, he had his own pretentious clique of future law school students in his work study and internship.Â
To be fair, the only moments you did was the occasional disagreement in class after the first time, however that itself was rare.
But here you were, emailed a few weeks later regarding your selection to the prestigious school journal for the political science columnâand being paired with that fucker.Â
The universeâor rather your professorâmust hate you.
âCongratulations! You have been selected by the Liberal Arts department to co-author the semester's Political Science journal piece. The assigned topic is Civil Liberties in Post-Democratic Systems, and the writers will be Y/N L/N andâŚHiromi Higuruma.â
You tapped on your phone in disdain when you finished reading the email. âI just got asked to write something for the Political Science journal piece for the LAS department,â you scoffed. "What a start to my weekend."
The setting you were at was pretty loud, dimly lit, and typical for a Friday at your campus bar. You were already a few drinks in when you got the notification alerting you of the dreaded, fucking email.Â
You took a dramatic swig of your beverage and placed it on the table. âYou three are smartâto some extent. Tell me why I, such a sophisticated scholar, am being punished like this.âÂ
Suguru raised an amused eyebrow at your reaction and laughed. âYou literally got into the most competitive writing fellowship on campus and youâre calling it punishment? God, youâre such a piece of work.â
Shoko nodded, taking a drag of her cigarette. âFuck, are you drunk already?â
You frowned and unlocked your phone to show them the email. Satoru took your phone dramatically and cleared his voice like he was reciting a Shakespearean poem at a slam poetry event.Â
âCongratulations, Miss Y/N. Yada yada blah blah, selected for Civil LibertiesâŚWriters will beâŚOh...â Satoru hummed before letting out a hearty guffaw. âAre you serious? Youâre stuck with Hiromi Higuruma of all people? Holy shit, these jokes write themselves.â
"Shut up," you groaned, covering your face and hitting your phone on your forehead in an attempt to look dramatic. âNow I'm stuck with a guy that has a damn superiority complex? How thrilling.â
âAwh. Iâm sorry, Y/N,â Suguru said, mock sympathy dripping from his words. âYou know how that guy is, but I canât lie, this is quite entertaining.â
Satoruâs eyebrow quirked up. âThe same Higuruma in your Social Justice 201 class who made Yuki cry? Didnât he say she âdidnât belong in the classâ over a misunderstanding?â
Shoko laughed. âOh my god. I remember when you told me the story about him submitting an entire paper with case citations for a damn theory class? God, Iâm not in liberal arts but that sounds insane. Heâs already quite the character in our stats class. Right, Satoru?â
Satoru laughed and nodded. "That guy might be a bigger piece of work than you, Y/N, and that says a lot."
You paused for a moment before really thinking; you didnât hate the guy based on everything he did⌠some things were ratherâŚ
âFuck, I canât even lie⌠but that whole âbeing preparedâ thing is hot if he isnât being pretentious about it.â
The three of your friends went silent before Satoru let out a giggle. You didnât even catch what you said out loud until Satoru spoke to call you out.
âSoâŚyouâre sayinâ youâre into him? Ouu shit...â
Suguru let out a damn giggle at your misfortune. âYou bitch about him all the time during class and now this happens to you? Â This couldnât get better.â Shoko hummed, "oh but it could... Let's just see how Y/N gets after this."
You flicked Satoruâs forehead and frowned. âNo. Iâm not into him, Iâm into winning. Iâm into being the first in that class because I need a recommendation letter from that professor.â
Then you turned to the others. âYou two are really, really full of shit.â
âWouldnât you just need a good relationship with the teacher to do so?â Shoko asked.
You shook your head. âNo. Heâs putting a cap for 3 recommendation lettersâor the top person in each of the classes he teaches.â
Shoko nodded. âGotcha. So youâre into leverage? Smart, smart.â
You nodded. âExactly. Iâm gonna make him so irritated that heâll drop out of the journal and itâs gonna be all me. Then Iâll be at that Top Three.â
âYou sound like a movie villain, holy fuck.â
âOrâŚâ Satoru said, swirling his drink.
âOh no.â
âYou seduce him.â He said, deadpan. It was quiet for a moment between the four of you, with everyone looking at Satoru like he had gained a third head.
âFrom all the shit youâve ever said, Satoru,â Shoko laughed. âThis might be the smartest yet most stupid idea youâve ever come up with.â
You frowned. âYou too? Youâre better off watching 10 Things I Hate About You or How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? I fear thereâs no romance happening between me and that guy.â
Satoru giggled. âNo, this would be â10 Objections On How To Seduce A Poli Sci Studentâ or I donât know. Whatever legal jargon you future lawyers use.â
âThink about it,â Suguru said, taking a drag of his cigarette. âThese guys arenât wrong and imagine if he did fall for you. This might surprise you to know, but I know some of his âfriendsâ and overheard them talk about his type.â
âHis type?â Your eyes narrowed at him. Hiromi Higurumahas friends? He has an ideal type? Fuck, wait, why are you even curious about this?
Suguru nodded and dabbed some of the ash onto the little ashtray beside him. âMhm. Heâs into those political science girls. And oh my God! Look! You major in that! Well, what a coincidence.â
You snorted. âUh huh, tough shit. You forget I minor in Economics too... Yâknow, Iâve been thinking of what he reminds me of. Heâs like, very Miles Edgeworth in real lifeâand not in a good way. In a bad way. Very.â
âBut, you could.â Satoru grinned. âYouâve got the looksâbecause youâre pretty, no weird shitâthe brains, and ability to say those weird Latin legal terms without brutally mispronouncing them. He wouldnât stand a damn chance. Youâre gonna have that guy wrapped around your slimy little finger.â
âGross... but on some actual serious shit, I don't even think he is capable of romance,â you said meekly. âWhat if heâs likeâŚGee, I donât know? Not interested in dating? Iâve never heard of him ever dating anyone. Heâs probably better off with his books.â
You then shrugged. âBesides, heâs not my type. Iâm not into over-the-top bastards who have an insanely inflated ego.â
Your eyes widened at Satoru letting out the biggest cackle of the night, his face practically turning red like you said the funniest thing ever. âAre you serious? Letâs be honest, your type is shit. Higuruma is a much better option in comparison to the other two guys youâve dated: stupid and utterly incompetent. Let's not forget Naoya, now."
He had a pointâŚÂ
âYouâve got nothing to lose, Y/N.â Shoko said. âLetâs make a bet.â
You felt your stomach drop at what she said and feared for the worst. âUh huh. What type of bet are you trying to make?â
She leaned in and put her hand on your shoulder mockingly. âYou make Hiromi HigurumaâMister Top-of-the-Classâfall for you by the end of the semester. Weâll give you 400 bucks from all of us.â
Suguru shrugged. âI catch him taking a little look at you occasionally. A little here and there. Youâre like practically a quarter there.â
Satoru snickered at your reaction. âAwh, this is so like the movies. So so cute!â
You scoffed at the proposition and at the shitty nicknames given to the guy. âHe looks at everyone like heâs about to cross-examine them. Donât start with that bullshit.â
âThatâs what makes it fun,â Suguru said.
âLetâs raise the stakes a bit, then.â Satoru raised his finger like a little kid attempting to call the teacherâs attention and cleared his throat.Â
âFather dearest is planning to hire some undergrad student shadows for the legal department at our humble family finance group.â
You froze. âAre you suggestingâŚCorporate law experience..?â
While Satoru pretends to be âdumbâ, he comes from the Gojo financial conglomerate. Heâs the epitome of being a âdaddyâs moneyâ âtrust fundâ baby.
He smiled. âPrecisely. Itâs paid, prestigious according to some accounts, and exclusive, according to my uncle. But you already have me. He recently told me that they're planning to receive applications and well, you'll be a favorite considering you have me."
âAnd if I lose..?â
Shoko shot you a saccharine smile. âYou do our stats homework for the rest of the semester. All of it.â
You frowned, weighing the options of attention from your potential-future legal peers to stats homework. You hate that class. It was too annoying.
Higurumaâs face flashed in your mind for a second; his stupid thin wire-frame glasses and that stupid fucking face he makes when someone says something obviously dumb in class. His cocky demeanor also came to mind, making you frown.
You let out a deep exhale. âFine, but when I succeedâand trust me, I willâI expect all of you to kneel to me during graduation.â
They smiled.Â
âYouâve got it.â
                ââââââââââââââââââââÂ
When you entered, the library smelled like old parchment, the smell of wood polish, and the presumable tears of first year students getting through exams. The sun gleamed over the area of the library from the large windows overlooking the rest of campus.
You glanced at your wristwatch and looked at the time, it being 4:25 in the afternoon.Â
You had emailed Higuruma during your stats class to meet when the afternoon lecture was done at the library at 4:35.
The window seat with the two outlets was bare and you decided to station there while waiting for him.Â
You placed your things and were finally starting to accommodate yourself and establish your amazing intellectual dominance with your long and cluttered notes. You typed away on a starting document, sharing him on it and sipping on your sadly overpriced matcha from the cafe by campus.
However, just when you were starting to find a bit of solace in your typing and rich matcha, you felt a shift and heard the doors clash open rather dramatically.
He was here.
Your eyes shifted in front of you, where you spotted Hiromi walking towards youâwalking like he just walked out of a courtroom where his client was just fucking sentenced to death.Â
Yeah, that type of ominous and serious presence.
He was dressed in a dark grey turtleneck, dark colored slacks, and some expensive looking, black leather loafers from the looks of it. And worst of all, he had his stupid little leather satchel that screamed âfuture pretentious law studentâ.
He looked like he jumped out of The Secret History; dark academia aesthetic and all.
âL/N,â he said, acknowledging you while he set his things down across from you on the table.Â
âHiguruma,â you replied, not looking up from your laptop in fear of looking him in the eye.Â
A little beat of silence passed amongst the two of you where he spokeâthe same pretentious authority he usually spoke with. âI didnât expect you to be early.â
âI didnât expect you to show up at all, quite frankly,â you muttered, taking a sip of your matcha before realizing you actually said that out loud.Â
You werenât wrong when saying that. Amongst your peers in your Political Theory class, Higuruma had quite the reputation for being neglectful to his peers when it came to group projects, or so youâve heard.
âMay I look at these?â You felt relief that he ignored your stupid little quip and you nodded, sliding your notes from class over to him.Â
You felt your face get warm and looked up to see him already reading your notes; he was taking out a legal pad and fucking Levenger fountain pens. His stupid expression was neutral but focusedâanalysing your notes.Â
How annoying.
âSo, I thought we could start with outlining the major arguments and split the sections based on the scope,â he said bluntly. Despite Higuruma being your age, you felt like you were speaking to one of your professors due to his demeanor; even more the reason to mess with him.
âNo foreplay?â Your voice sounded more deadpanned than usual, which wasnât on purpose. It slipped out, causing your face to turn warm, but it proved useful when it came to being the cause for Higurumaâs expression to be anything but a stone-cold one.
His expression faltered and his eyebrow twitched; the pen he was holding had its ink bleeding through the pages of his legal pad while he appeared to be thinking on what to say to your interesting choice of words.
He cleared his throat awkwardly. â...Excuse me?â
You shot him a smile: sweet and extremely fake. âMetaphorically, I meant. I was thinking of starting with a basic thesis breakdown before jumping into the actual structure of what we were going to discussâbefore we get too far ahead of ourselves. Then, obviously, construct our abstract of the paper so execution can go smoothly.â
He stared at you blanklyâlike he didnât know what to say again, before returning to his own notes and placing yours back to your side of the table. âYour choice of metaphor is quiteâŚstrange.â
You kissed your teeth and nodded. âYup. I get that a lot. What can I say?â
Hiromi paused and glanced up at you, his gaze lingering a bit longer than expected for someone like himâlike he was almost examining your face? You felt like a witness in court being cross-examined.
Your eyebrow raised. âProblem, Higuruma?â
âNoâŚâ he said, leaning his head onto his wrist. âJust confirming that youâre as unconventional as everyone saysâŚâ
Your smirk faltered and you leaned back in your chair. So the little bastard talks bad about you?
âThat sounds like gossip. Didnât take you for the type to indulge in that, Higuruma.â His expression was rather plain as his eyes were glued onto his screen as he wrote some things down in his legal pad.
âIâm not,â he said simply. âBut your name has come up before.â
You blinked.Â
What the fuck?Â
You scoffed. âThe hell does that mean?â
Higuruma didnât answer, rather just turned his folder and passed you a printed outline of a running bibliography with disgustingly clean formatting of his APA citations and the precis on what he wrote. They were color coded by ideology and in alphabetical order with a key up top.
Fucking show-off.
You narrowed your eyes at him and scoffed a bit. You had barely gotten the email two days prior and he had a running bib that was 7 pages long front and back.Â
âYou do realize that this is just a student journal piece, right? Not a damn dissertation?â
He didnât react, but instead, continued looking over his notes and typing some notes on his MacBook. âIf you are going to write about something like post-democratic systems, itâs better to be precise and do it properly.â
You rolled your eyes at his stiff response and took the outline he placed on the table. From your peripheral, you noted how his eyes went to you and how he watched you do it.
You couldnât help but admire the organizationâhow neat, logical, and useful it was.Â
It was, unfortunately, useful and easy to work with.
âOkay,â you began. âIâll take the opening section of the paper and look at Hobbes and Rousseauâsome basics and classic theory. You can take modern structures. So like Hayek, Schmitt, and all that constitutionalism shit you obsess over during lecture.â You said the last part rather low in hopes that he wouldnât hear you.
You looked up to see his expression and his lips twitched upward; he almost cracked a smile. Almost.Â
âFair.â
His tone was plain like always, but with a twinge of something else. You felt your stomach turn... For some reason you didn't feel irritated rather...
Your eyes widened a bit. âYou didnât argue.â
âYeah,â he said. âI was hoping you would tell me about the structure. It helps me really look at what youâre good at so we could work together accordingly.â
What? He was waiting for you to announce who took what? And he thinks you're good at it? Isnât he just a prick who doesnât take that into consideration?Â
Maybe he thinks youâre competent. You both were chosen and recommended by a professor. But he just admitted to talking shit about you?Â
Or maybe Higuruma just doesnât know how to word âI think youâre so awesome and deserve the first spotâ properly.
His comment caught you off guard and you looked at him for a moment, his eyes already on you.Â
âCareful, Higuruma. I could mistake that for a compliment.â
âI know.â
You stared at him and maintained eye contact before you dropped your gaze back to your laptop and began using the running bib he had given you for some reference. It was a mix of some classic theories from class up to some other commentaries from different professors about this topic from other universities.Â
But he almost complimented you?!
Shady fucking bastard.
Minutes passed and he didnât joke, flirt, nor comment. But you felt on edge, like if you breathed too heavily, he could say something. However, you maintained your rhythm, not speaking a word until you were kicked out of the library and you ended your meeting with a simple âbye, see you next classâ.Â
He was rather dry and had you on the edge of your seat, and you hated that with a passion.
                ââââââââââââââââââââ
You felt like the sun was going to blind you. You had forgotten your contacts and dealt with your glasses, with the sun specifically shining and reflecting on the glass of your lenses.
But it felt wrong feeling that way; despite it being rather chilly outside and perfect for sweater weather. It was a nice dayâweather wise.
The lecture hall for your Political Inquiry class was still locked and you waited outside, leaning against the ivy-ridden, red brick wall of the building, looking at your surroundings. Your gaze followed the occasional cyclist and jogger who went by the trail in front of you.Â
You felt your eyes close and you let out a deep exhale. The thought of what happened yesterday left you anticipatingâfor what? You didnât know.Â
You never had the chance to properly digest the fact you actually interacted with Higuruma alone. Maybe it was overthinking but, you couldnât help but feel rather weird about it. Despite the initial joking with your friends, in hindsight, you didnât know how to feel.
It wasnât an unpleasant encounter, despite his unexpected quips here and there. Maybe you could work with him. But what about the bet? You needed that recommendation letter.
âL/N?â Your eyes flickered to the ground, meeting the sight of black leather loafers in front of you. You looked up to see Higuruma, pushing his wire glasses up the bridge of his nose and carrying a textbook. âWhat are you doing out here?â
âIâI meanâŚlecture?â You stammered, feeling your face warm for no reason. âWhy? The lecture hall is closed andââ
âDidnât you catch the email? Our professor wanted to meet in the library. I was just passing by to go.â His tone wasnât mean but dryâclinical and superficial. Like you were another stupid classmate who didnât know the difference between political ideals.
You narrowed your eyes at him, his expression plain. âIâŚdidnât know. Thanks, I guess, for letting me know. Unless youâre joking with me.â
He shook his head. âIâm not.â
You kissed your teeth and nodded. âAlright.â
You began walking down the trail and noticed how he walked beside you. The creeping heat in your cheeks returned and you felt like you couldnât speak.Â
He walked with such authority, like he was headed to a courtroom. And he smelled goodâmaybe cedarwood? You reached in your sweaterâs pocket and pulled out your AirPods to cancel out the silence.
âWhat do you have so far for the paper?â
Your eyebrows raised and you hesitated. âI have a good 4 paragraphs done so far, but Iâm definitely going to revise it when I get back. Iâm definitely gonna add some structuralist angles and Rousseau. Then it would be much more intuitive.â
You noticed the manner in which his brow twitched. He hummed in acknowledgment to your words before he spoke up.Â
âYou write veryâŚdefensively,â he said looking at you sideways. âItâs not bad.â
You frowned. âGee, thanks.â
âIâm not trying to offend you. It means youâre smart in your own way.â
You fought off a smile. âIs thatâŚa compliment?â
âAn observation.â His tone was flat, forcing you to laugh out of pure awkwardness. âYouâre quoting? Correct?â
You snorted. âOf course. This isnât a damn Buzzfeed article.â
Then you saw how the corners of his mouth twitched like he was going to smile at your quip. âThatâsâŚfair.â
You took out your AirPod from your ear and placed it in the case snug in your pocket as you walked. Maybe he wasnât as unbearable as always.Â
âYou said youâre starting with Hobbes, right?â
âMhm. Framework-wise and then Iâll tie it all together. You?â
He nodded. âWell, Iâm building off that with Hayek and market structure in constitutional states.â
You blinked. âThatâsâŚnot what I expected.â
âWhat did you expect?â
You shrugged. âI donât know. I guess something more cutthroat. Thatâs how you are in class anywayâŚâ
âSo are you,â he shot back plainly. Like his words were so normal in the context of who he was.Â
You stopped walking for a moment, your eyebrows furrowed while your mouth was agape at his bluntness. âExcuse me?â
âWell, I havenât not noticed the fact that youâre the only person in our Political Theory who has had something to say to my commentary. Iâm pretty sure everyone else doesnât even care to be there.â
You felt your ego rise and a twinge of disbelief. Since when was he so direct?Â
âRightâŚso you remember what I said?â
âIt wasnât a bad argument.â
âUh huhâŚIâm honored.â
The sound of your sneakers clashed with the sound of his sleek loafers on the pavement and before you knew it, Higuruma had tapped you on the shoulder, phone in hand.Â
âWould it be alright if I got your number?â
Your eyebrows furrowed at his words and he noticed. âExcuse me?âÂ
He blinked profusely and motioned his hands awkwardly. âStrictly for coordination. Email would be too tedious, especially with our course load. This would be the most convenient for the both of us.â
You hesitated for a moment before taking it. âSure. But if you send me some political Instagram Reel bullshit at night, consider yourself blocked.â
A slight twinge of a smile graced his face before he nodded. âNoted.â
You smirked and shoved the AirPod back in your ear as the two of you walked again in peaceful silence to your lecture.
                â ââââââââââââââââââââÂ
âWhat do you think of the edits so far?âÂ
Higuruma is a punctual man, you were already aware of that. So much so that he established a schedule to meet twice a week every week for the next month and a half or so.Â
Thatâs how you found yourself constantly leaving to the library once the afternoon lecture was over. And how you found yourself currently revising his part of the paper on his couch. The library was currently under renovations so you felt a bit surprised that Higuruma waited for you outside your stats class to âwalk over to his placeâ to revise the paper.Â
He had said it in such a calm and casual voice that you didnât think anything of it. That was until you actually were in front of his apartment door, waiting for him to unlock it and enter.Â
You were in your academic rivalâs apartment. Alone. With him.
This was the last time you were going to revise this since the term was almost over. All that was left was submitting the piece and your final.
The actual apartment wasnât as cold and scary as you thought. You spotted some pictures of him with his parents and what appeared to be a little novelty figure of a chess rook on a table, along with a little action figure. His apartment was also littered with bookshelves that were aesthetically organized and it was nice.Â
Not what you thought. You imagined something painfully boring and beige, yet this was actually depicting some type of personality.Â
You held your red pen and printed copy of your piece tightly, analyzing the structuring of his paragraphs while he did the same to yours.Â
âFor your Rousseau part,â he started, âit needs a bit of restructuring. He sounds like he contradicts himself when speaking about natural liberty and civil liberty. The transition is too abrupt. Change it. Other than that, your argument is fairly strong and good.â
You narrowed your eyes at him from across the couch despite the twinge in your heart from his clear compliment about your writing. The two of you had been making final revisions for hours and you yawned, ignoring his commentary.
âHiromi. Do you ever just turn it off? Like just relax...Okay?â Now you were full-on ignoring him, yet now, you have gotten to the point where you had gotten comfortable enough to do so. "Do you ever just... get on social media and talk shit or something? Reddit, Quora, maybe you're a little freak and you use Twitter."
His lips curved to a slight smile. âTo do that, Iâd need to be on social media constantly in the first place.â
You snorted. âOh right. God forbid you donât have the masses begging to access a piece of your intricate little mind.â
âYou seem to have access just fine.â
You glared at him to which he looked at you deadpanned and covered his face with the printed paper he held. His ears were pink.
That was something in your mind too when it came to Higuruma, it was like a switch flipped.
When you had first met with him to look at the paper in the library, he was simply stoic and quite dense, dressed like he was to go to a courtroom after your meeting. But now, he still dressed like a pretentious law student, but he almost seemed like he was getting more casual.Â
His attire shifted from Oxfords to casual Asics or Nike shoes, and from his knit sweaters and cardigans to sweatshirts from your college and such.
He was less blunt and âold manâ when he spoke to you. Now, he actually sounded like someone in your age range rather than an 80 year old professor on his 5th divorce (a.k.a, your current Political Theory professor). His tone shifted from completely academic to more human.
You had even started calling each other by your first names.Â
Truth be told, youâve really gotten quite comfortable with him.
You looked over to check the time on your phone, it being around 8:50.
âWeâre probably gonna be here for a while, and I don't think you'd kick me out so suddenly. Itâs the weekend tomorrow,â you said, yawning. âLetâs get some caffeine. I saw a coffee shop by here. Letâs go.â
To your surprise, Hiromi didnât seem bothered by it. He hummed in agreement and nodded.Â
He got up from the carpet and stretched. âOkay. Let me get my wallet and keys.â
You didnât know why, but you felt your heart slightly flutter at the sound of his raspy voice. Even more so when you accidentally looked at him while he stretched and got the view of his toned lower stomach as his sweater lifted.Â
Itâs not like his outfit was anything out of the ordinary either; he wore his regular old purple sweatshirt that had your college crest embroidered on it and regular old jeansâhowever, it did look good on him. It...kinda...really did.
God, you felt like a 19th century prude. Seriously? Getting flustered over his lower stomach and boxers peeking out? Your ex-boyfriend would strip and you wouldn't feel anything but now?
âAre you okay, Y/N?â Hiromi looked at you concerned, keys and wallet in hand as he was putting on his shoes by the door of his apartment. You were still on the couch, head against your wrist and daydreaming.
You felt your face get warm and nodded profusely, grabbing your own wallet beside your phone on the coffee table and putting on your own shoes. âYeah. Letâs go.â
The apartment complex he lived in was rather quaint, taking a good 3 minutes to get to the ground level from the emergency stairs. The cafe itself was also quite a short distanceâonly being some 4 blocks away. It seemed familiar but maybe it was because you were familiar with the area already.
The smell of coffee beans and lavender hit you while the two of you went over to the barista taking orders.Â
âWhat can I get you two?â They asked, to which Hiromi answered.Â
âMay I get a medium black coffee and a small iced matcha with brown sugar?â
â15.98, please.âÂ
He handed the barista his card and waited for the transaction to pass where you then found yourself waiting for the order with him by the pick-up area.Â
It was so quick, you didnât know what to say.
âYou remembered my order? I must be spending too much time with you,â you joked. âYou didnât have to pay. I could have.â
He didnât say anything and you just went on your phone to see what games you could play while you waited. You felt a strange feeling at the fact that he remembered your order; so mundane and small yetâŚit left you with a weird feeling. You just couldnât explain what it was. You felt warm.
Maybe it was courtesy on his behalf. You didnât knowâjust that it felt a bit casual.
You placed an AirPod in your ear while waiting for the order to be completed, scrolling through your playlists. The cafe was littered with college students in presumably similar situations to finish their own individual papers.Â
Maybe it was a bit of a cringe thing, but you began humming the lyrics of the song you listened to, and then noticed Hiromi moving a bit to look at you, specifically looking at the AirPod peeking through your hair.Â
âWhat is it today?â He inquired, making note of your habit of listening to your AirPods when you werenât speaking in public.Â
âOh. Itâs The Smiths.â
Hiromi nodded slowly before he said something that nearly shook you to your core. âMay I?â
You blinked slightly at his words.Â
Never did you think someone like Hiromi Higurumaâthe person you were in such a weird frenemy-ship with, would ask for an AirPod of all things. Something so mundane yet soâŚintimate? Or maybe you were over-thinking... What the hell?
âYou want one?â
He didnât verbally respond, rather extended his hand towards you. You looked at his blank face then at his handâbig, callousedâand took out your AirPod case to which you gave him the left one and placed it on his palm.Â
He gently tucked it into his ear and listened to the music resuming for the both of you. It played a song off The Smithsâs The Queen Is Dead albumâone of your favorites. You looked over to see Hiromi, slightly smiling.Â
It was calm and gentle. You felt oddly at peace with the man you nearly professed your hatred to at your first meeting.Â
You really were calm right now, really. But thenâ
âYou bitch!âÂ
Holy shit, you thought your heart was about to jump out of your chest.Â
You turned around to see lo and behold, your best friends Satoru, Shoko, and Suguru appeared out of thin air. In the fucking flesh. In the cafe right by Hiromiâs apartment. Â
No wonder it felt so familiar. Those three idiots lived nearby.
âNo fucking way,â you muttered.Â
Hiromi looked confused and opened his mouth to say something until he noticed your order was ready and walked over to get it, where your triple threat set of friends walked over to you. Except from what you can tell, Suguru was missing, and was rather, next to your project partner.
âYouâre such a slut.â Satoru said mockingly, pointing at your outfit up and down while giggling like a damn moron.Â
âOh shut it.â You sneered. He was right to note your outfitâbut you swear it wasnât to seduce Hiromi. Not in the slightest. The most it did was showcase cleavage.
âTomorrowâs laundry day, you idiots.â You heard Hiromi cough from beside you, covering his face as he turned around with Suguru beside him.
You felt on edge considering their expressions; with Suguru having a smile while Hiromi looked rather contemplative. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were pursed, almost like he was anxious.
Shoko snickered. âItâs okay, girl.â
âWell, Satoru, Shoko, we should leave these two on their date. Wouldnât wanna interrupt.â Suguru said, a sly smile playing on his lips.Â
âStudy break,â you corrected, feeling your face become flushed and warm.Â
Hiromi nodded and you noticed the way that your friends smiled at each other and exchanged knowing glances.
His face was turning pink.
âOkay then. Bye, Y/N. Bye, Higuruma. Have fun.â Satoru called out. Rather ominously.Â
You eyed the three of them as they left the cafe and waved at you from the window.Â
âAre those your friends?â Hiromi quietly asked, leaning over to see if he could still spot your friends. His hand was awkwardly placed near his face where it was slightly covered.
âUnfortunately,â you said with an annoyed smirk. âI swear that their combined IQ is the equivalent that of a carrotâs.â
You heard him let out a slight chuckle. âGotcha.â
He handed you your drink and the both of you walked over to leave the cafe after that strange encounter. You still were sharing your AirPods with him and the melody of a random, you were pretty sure, Radiohead song filled the silence.Â
You glanced over to him, who was sipping his coffee rather calmly. You felt the tension and disdain for him slowly disappear and you walked in peace. Then, you turned to him with a teasing smile and asked, âSoâŚwhat do you think of my lovely friends?â
Hiromiâs lips twitched to a slight smirk. âI recognize Ieiri and Gojo from my statistics class. Then, we have Geto in our political theory class and heâs also in my public speaking class. They seem alright. We donât really speak.â
You hummed and nodded. âRight.â
He looked over at you and cleared his throat a bit, noticing the song transition. âWhat song is this?â
You checked your phone and showed him the screenâ the title of "High and Dryâ appearing beneath the album cover plastered on the home screen.
He nodded. âItâs good. The frontman sings really nice.â
"Mhm... I like him too." Your eyebrow quirked up. âYou donât seem the type to like alternative rock. I kinda doubted you'd even like this in the first place. Like yeah, this is quite basic but regardless...âÂ
You snorted. He didnât seem the type to even like music at all and came off as someone who preferred white noise instead.
His eyebrows raised and he drank his coffee. âDo I really seem that type? Tell me, what music do you think I like?â
You smiled. âProbably some shit like Mozart? Bach? Dunno. Something smart like that.â
You felt your muscles relax and felt your cheeks warm. You felt comfortable in his presence despite having thoughts back to the stupid bet you made.Â
Your heart fluttered at what happened next: he laughed, like an actual laugh.
Your eyes widened as you simply gawked at him laughing. It wasnât a quick chuckle nor a scoff, he actually laughed.Â
It was a melodic soundâsomething you didnât expect from him of all people. It flowed natural and smooth despite his usually tired and deep sounding voice.Â
You wanted to hear it again.
âReally? I seem like that? I know youâre quite the jokester but Iâm not like that.â He smiled at you, and all you did was simply gawk at him like he gained a third head.
You shrugged. âYou give off those vibes. But hey, Iâd love to get music recommendations from the great Hiromi Higuruma someday. Who knows? Maybe Iâll find my next favorite song.â You said, unaware of his raised eyebrow at your words.Â
He didnât seem opposed.Â
âYou use Spotify, right? We can make a shared playlist. We can listen to it while we make some final edits to the paper.â
âOh! Sure.â You stopped for a second before handing him your phone where he made a blank playlist and shared his own Spotify profile.Â
You took your phone back and raised an eyebrow at the title of the playlist. âPoli-Sci Journal Playlist? Is that the best you could come up with? How dry.â
âYou choose then, if you have such a problem with my chosen playlist title.â
And before you were going to respond, he spoke up. âWeâre here.â
The casualness between you two made you feel warm. Especially considering the fact that he was now initiating it; it made you feel like you werenât annoying him. Like the quips you let out werenât just one-sided.Â
Like you had nothing to really âhateâ on him for. You initially hated him for being dry, but as of now he was anything but.
You were lost in thought while taking the elevator to his apartment where he tapped your shoulder.Â
âCâmon.â
âRight.â
Once you reached his apartment, you got readjusted onto the couch, grabbed the coasters he had lying around in the coffee table, and placed your matcha there.Â
He walked over to the couch and sat by you, on his phone. Surprisingly.
You smiled and attempted to peer over his shoulder to see his screen. âTalking to your girlfriend, Higuruma?â You didn't know why that quick quip you threw at him made your chest feel heavy. Maybe it was because you were worried about that he would say... but you could always pass it off as you joking...?
His eyebrow raised at your quip and shrugged, handing you his phone. âThatâs up for interpretation, I guess,â he paused and glanced at you, smiling shyly. âHere, I added some songs to the playlist.â
You took it and looked at it. ââLover, You Shouldâve Come Overâ? âAbout Youâ? 'To the End'? I think itâs safe to assume you donât have a girlfriend, but hey. These are really good songs.â Again, your chest began to feel heavy.
âThatâs up to your interpretation. But yeah, I enjoy those songs.â His voice sounded like as if he was nervousâlike he was trying something new, but you decided not to question it despite it being out of character from his usual authoritative nature.
You went back onto analyzing the paper and read itâanything to avert your attention from him and his stupid face. His phone was playing the songs the two of you had chosen on the playlist.Â
As of now, The 1975 was playing, a popular song of their's that you've heard on the radio before, filling the slight silence in the apartment. You loved the songâbut felt anxiousâyou felt antsy.
Still, one thing was on your mind: why was he being so cryptic?
You sat on the couch with him, analyzing a draft paragraph on theory of fairness when you noticed his expression changed as you leaned closer.Â
You noted the change in his gaze from your peripheral; the manner he leaned against the edge of the couch and the way he was just looking at your figure. It was methodical, carefulâalmost reverent.
You glanced back at him. His eyes lingered on the slope of your neck, the pretty shape of your lips, to finally the allure of your eyes.Â
The lamplight, all warm and dimmed, softened his features.Â
In the light, he didnât look like the same harsh classmate that executed everything he did in a precise manner.
The shadows softened his features in a way that could make angels cry and he looked like a muse for a classical Roman statue. The way his pretty lips parted like he was going to say something, the way his eyes softened under your returning gaze and the way his nose looked so sharp yet alluringly sexy.Â
You felt a clench in your chest at the thought, at the effect he had on you. His expression was unreadable.Â
You swallowed and cleared your throat. âThis is perfect now, Hiromi. I think that we did pretty goodâŚâ Your voice was a bit shaky, anxious-sounding.Â
You were just blabbering about the topics covered when he suddenly interrupted you.
âYouâre always so confident, L/N.â
You became stiff. His voice was lowerâdeeper, almost seductive. It had an edge you couldnât explain.
He tilted his head slightly and the corners of his lips curved. âIs that to ourâmy benefit?â
The pronunciation of his words left you breathlessâthe way he said âmyâ left shivers down your spine.Â
Maybe it was the caffeine and sleep deprivation making you think in such a manner. Despite that, you couldnât deny how aggravatingly good he looked. How much you felt drawn to himânot by lust but by the natural law of attraction.Â
His mannerisms, his rhetoric, everything. His tone wasnât deadpan, rather lifted by a charm you couldnât explain.
You slightly smiled, your voice dripping with tease to appear calm. Anything to appear like he didnât have such a visceral effect on you.Â
âDo you want it to be, Hiromi?â
The smooth roll of his name on your tongue felt foreign, usually being said quick and easy but now having a different weight.Â
âYou donât even flinch when I speak in class anymore.â His voice was calm but there was a twinge of dissatisfaction in his words.Â
âYou would have some type of reaction. A glance, sigh. That little frown you have when you disagree with something I want to say.â
He leaned his head against his wrist while he looked at you with an analytical gaze. He was looking at you like you were a court case he had to revise for classâsame intense look. âNo reaction from you anymore.â
So he does that on purpose.Â
You shot him a grin. âBecause why not? I have nothing of substance to say. What can I say? I only argue when needed.â
âI think I miss it,â he muttered. His gaze averted from you and you felt a pang in your chest.Â
âMaybe Iâve grownâ He glanced at you, your words dripping with unexpected sarcasm. âYâknow, selective silence is my new thing. Gotta keep them on their toes.â
He hummed. âIt keeps the lecture interesting when you do so. You should keep doing that. I at least knew someone paid attention to what I say.â
You didnât respond immediately and averted your gaze over to his collarbone out of shyness. Like if you kept staring at his eyes, you would start screaming out of embarrassment.
âI notice,â you murmured. âYou donât have to worry about me not listening.â
He let out a deep exhale. âYouâre difficult, you know that? You say things and sometimes Iâm not even sure you mean it.â
You smiled. âI mean youâre not wrong. Sometimes I just talk and talkâŚâ
His gaze was still on you and you lightly laughed at your predicament. âIâm shocked I didnât talk your ear off yet. Iâve been expecting you to tell me to shut up but nothingâŚâ
âOkay. Then stop talking.â
Your eyes widened and lips parted. His words werenât with malice or offense rather low and breathless. Like he didnât think about what he just said.Â
âThat simple, hm?â Your laugh turned almost bitter, dry. He sat closer to you and you could smell his cedarwood cologne closer to the point where your senses were drawn.Â
âNothing with you is ever that simple.â
Your fingers were intertwined with your red gel pen, flicking it against the edge of your fingers as you tapped it on your knee. But with his stupid words, you accidentally flung it.Â
Such a simple move like leaning forward to grab it affected him. You moved your shoulders to prevent them from being stiff and you ran your fingers through your hair without thinking. By the time you turned over to him, you met his gaze. It wasnât just intense, rather like he was starving.Â
âShould I be worried?â You asked. âYou look at me the same way you look at the documents weâre covering. You got this intense look in your eye, so I canât help but feel a little nervous.â
He looked like he was caught off guard. âReally?â
âMhm. Makes me feel like Iâm about to be cross-examined, counselor.â
He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled sharply, a ghost of a laugh escaping his lips from the stupid nickname. âItâs not thatâŚYou justâŚthrow me off.â
Your eyebrow raised in an amused manner. âReally, Hiromi? Thatâs not very academic of you, I fear. Not very Hiromi of you.â You shot him a meek smile, like you were unsure... and quite frankly you were. It felt as if you were tethering on the edge of him telling you to either get out, or you on the verge of pouncing on him and kissing him. Hard.Â
âYeahâŚI know.â He let out a small, pitiful laugh. For a moment, he didnât look at you, rather his gaze drifted to the floor. Like he was nervous.
âThe first week of class, I overheard you telling Geto that I spoke like a scary litigator.â
You blinked. âI did?â
He nodded. âWas that a moment where you spoke without thinking?â
You felt that pang in your heart again. This was too intimate, too much to bear. It mirrored a confession scene like in those movies you watched and you felt nervous. You realistically had no reason to; he was someone your friends bet on, not someone you should fall for.
âWell,â you shot him a nervous smile, âyou kind of do. And you sound professional. Cutthroat.â
He stayed quiet until he hesitantly spoke. âIf anything, youâre the sameâŚâ
Your breath caught in your throat. That wasnât flirtingâŚthat was something else.
âI donât really know what to do with that,â you whispered.Â
He looked at you again with that same intense gaze. âIâneither do IâŚâ
The pen youâd thrown earlier rolled slightly across the floor with the shift of your knee, but neither of you moved to get it.
You could feel your heartbeat in your ears and felt how warm your face had gotten.Â
He leaned back slightly, like he was going to speak but slightly hesitated. âI thought that if I acted like this didnât affect me then it would carry on and notâŚâ
âAnd howâs that working for you now?â you asked.Â
He hesitated. âNot working. Not in the slightest.â
The silence engulfed the both of you, except the sound of the train and cars outside along with the playlist still ringing on his phoneâ specifically a Radiohead song.Â
It was impossible to ignore how you felt. Impossible to ignore how he made you feel. So you leaned in ever so slightly; possibly an inch.Â
He met you the rest of the way.Â
Just like that. And you didnât stop him. Not even in the slightest.
He tasted like the black coffee he drank, vanilla chapstick, and smelled like his annoyingly expensive, woody cologne that drove your senses on overdrive.Â
His lips moved with vigor and desperation. It was a move of pure desireâdifferent from pure lusting rather it being anticipation.Â
Like heâs been waiting to do this for a while. And the way he held you was like he was afraid of breaking you.
You didnât push back rather wrapped your arms around his neck and pushed him onto you; the both of you were laid onto his couch, him on top of you while your lips moved with even more aggression.Â
Your fingers clutched the hem of your jeans and his hand grazed your cheek. He pulled back slightly, looking in your eyes like he was looking for your reaction.
You shot him a half-frown, albeit flustered. âWas that supposed to shut me up?â
For the first time, you felt butterflies in the manner that he smiled at you; it was cute and sexy. âIt worked. Didnât it?â
âIâve been thinking of doing thatâŚâ he muttered. For the first time, you donât think youâve ever heard him sound so unsure and not confident in his words. Like he was anxious on your reaction and response.
You swallowed and let out a jagged exhale. âMe tooâŚâ
His gaze brightened towards you. Then you latched your lips onto his with just enough aggression to make him want more as he held your face with one hand and placed the other on your hip.
His hands roamed over your body, hesitant to feel you. You grabbed him by the collars of his stupid sweatshirt and felt his body weight and warmth against yours.Â
Fuck Hiromi Higuruma.Â
Him and his nonchalant demeanor, shitty awkward smile, shitty know-it-all personality. Even the way his hair was styled that day and his little wrist-watch pissed you off.Â
But GodâŚyou wanted to fuck him so bad in that moment. You wanted to touch and feel all of him.
âTouch meâŚplease,â you murmured in the heat of the moment. You looked at him, foggy glasses and flushed face. Your tinted lip gloss was smeared on his lips and he blinked profusely at your words.Â
âOkay.â His hands fiddled with the front of your jeans as he slid them off. His eyes widened at the sight of your pink panties all soaked and at your beautiful toned legs.Â
Hiromi looked up at you for reassurance; as if he didnât know what he was doing.Â
You smiled. âDo you know how?â
His face got redder and he blinked, slowly shaking his head ânoâ. âIâI want to try.â
âIâll help you.â You grabbed his wrists and guided them to the waistline of your panties. His breath became shaky and you leaned forward to kiss him.Â
âDo you trust me?â You whispered, eyes filled with need.Â
He nodded profusely. âYes.â
You guided his dominant hand down to your folds and clit. Your fingers adjusted his own so that his thumb was on your clit while his ring and middle fingers played with your foldsâaching for his touch.Â
âOh my GodâŚHiroâ k-keep doing thatâŚâ Your breathing became shaky as he kept rubbing at your clit and his fingers curled into you. He continued his pace while you grabbed at his wrist in reaction to his touch.Â
You moved your hips to feel his fingers further as they thrusted inside you.Â
Your lips latched onto his one more time; the action overtaken with lust and need, like you absolutely needed each other.
âDamn itâŚâ he muttered, feeling the way your pussy clenched around his long fingers.Â
He brought his arousal-slicked fingers and put them in his mouth, savoring the sweet taste of your pussy.Â
âFuckâŚYouâre so damn sweet.â
Hiromi glanced at you again and parted his lips in hesitation. âY/N? May I try something?âÂ
You shot him a glance and nodded. âOf course.â
Hiromi nodded, a smile playing on his lips while he leaned back, positioning his face by your bare pussy; wet, puffy, and desperate for him.Â
Your lips parted as you felt him go down on you, calloused and large hands gripping your soft, smooth, lush thighs.Â
âPlease let me know if Iâm doing okay.â
You fought off a smile at his words and nodded. You felt the presence of his tongue licking the slit of your pussy while you felt his nose rub on your clit.Â
His tongue slowly entered your hole to which you gripped on his black hair in reaction while the point of his nose rubbed on your puffy clit.
Your hips bucked against his face, moving them up and down so deliciously. The sound of him slurping up your pussy drove you mad. His calloused hands gripped your thighs and his thumbs traced circles on your skin: littered with goosebumps at the sensation of him eating your pussy out.Â
He ate you out like a starved man, gripping your inner thighs with more strength as he tilted his head while working his tongue. You felt your back arch as your breathing turned almost jagged, feeling his moans against your core.
âY-Youâre doing so good, HiroâŚFuck.â You shut your eyes, feeling the way that little knot in your stomach was inching towards release the more his nose rubbed your clit and thrusted his tongue in and out like he was insatiable for your sweet taste.
You felt your legs shake over his shoulders and that knot slowly undo itself; where you came and shuddered as he slurped even louder.Â
âDid I do alright..?â He lifted himself up to see you; his face was absolutely pink and his glasses were resting on the top of his head. His lips and nose were glistening with your arousal and you fought off a smile at the sight.
âMore than alright.â You moved yourself to kneel before him, working with the buckle of his belt and sliding his pants and briefs down. Your legs slightly shook at the foreign position but you began stroking his cock: large, veiny, and certainly girthy.
You took his cute strawberry-tinted tip leaking with pre in your mouth, licking it slightly. Your hand worked at the base of his cock, stroking it while his tip stayed in. The taste of his salty sweet cum in your mouth made you feel almost needy for more as you took him whole.Â
Tears began brimming at your eyes as you looked up at him, eyes closed and lips parted as he said your name like a prayer. His breathing became more jagged and his forehead gleamed with sweat already, a string of curses leaving his lips.Â
âMmâŚâ He squeezed his eyes shut cutely as your tongue teased his cock slightly, giving him butterfly kisses until you took him whole again. His cock twitched and you sucked him further, squeezing his thighs from how fast you were going.Â
You slurped on his cock further, milking him dry from his release in your mouth. His hands gripped on your hair as you did so, his voice cracking with every whine, and youâve never felt more aroused.
You wiped the corners of your lips and swallowed. âNow fuck me. Please, Hiro.â Your widened doe eyes looked up at him, still on your knees. He blinked, nodding to your immediate request.Â
He stripped off his upper half and lifted your shirt up as well. You poked his chest for him to sit down on the couch as you unclipped your bra.
His hooded eyes were glued onto your cute breasts, perky from the cold air hitting them. His gaze roamed on your body; all bare and beautiful in the dim, golden light of his lamp illuminating the place.
âGod, youâre beautifulâŚâ he muttered, his gaze mirroring that of before: analytical except there was that hint of gentleness that seemed to overtake the rest of his expression.Â
âYou flatter me too much,â you murmured, climbing on top of him slowly as you felt his hard on against the inner of your thighs. Your lips met his neck as you kissed it softly; simultaneously, you felt his hands roam on your body again, massaging your ass as you grind against his cock.Â
You noticed how he swallowed and touched you like he didnât know what to do, and you smiled.Â
âYouâre a damn tease,â he said, letting out a breathless laugh.
âIâm aware, but I know you like it too.âÂ
You grabbed his cock from the small space between the two of you and stroked it slowly, giving it a few pumps. Your hips bucked up as you aligned the tip of his cock to your puffy, wet slit.Â
âIâve got you,â he whispered, looking at you as he followed your instruction. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you slowly adjusted yourself.
You moved your hips to the side and shifted your weight on your knees as you went up and down his cock. You could feel every pulsating vein and how lengthy yet filling his cock was to your tiny pussy, begging for him to fuck you.Â
âMove. Fuck me. Please.â You said it in such a manner that your voice cracks and whiny tone almost unlocked something in him. His slow touches on your ass became rougher, with more weight and force.
His hips went at a damn near animalistic pace, rutting into you with vigor as his hands maneuvered your ass. The pitter-patter sound of your soaked thighs meeting his echoed through the apartment loudly and that alone made you whine, feeling the sticky and hot skin with every move of the hips.
âAhhâŚF-Fucking damn it,â you whined, scratching at his tan toned biceps; they were so defined, strong. Your face was buried in the crook of his neck as you felt him pant against your warm skin. Hiromi had pressed your body closer to his, your perky breasts against his toned chest while he fucked you with finesse.
âDonât stop, please,â he groaned, the raspy sound of his voice leaving you with butterflies in your stomach and your pussy fluttering around his cock.
âFuckfuckfuckfuckâY/NâŚâ he closed his eyes and held you tighter, the sensation of him bottoming out only had you squeezing your eyes shut and knees bucking. It was warm, leaving you filled up with serotonin and his cum.Â
You kept riding him, feeling how your release was approaching and how your pussy squeezed on him. Hiromi let out such raspy moans that it led you to quicken your pace; such alluring yet seductive sounds coming out of the lips of someone you should hate.Â
âFuckâHiromi..!â You felt yourself soon reaching your climax and throwing your head back, wanton moans slipping from your lips as your hips gyrated back and forth slowly until you stopped.
You felt your body slump down against him, panting while a sheen of sweat decorated your skin as you both breathed heavily in attempts to catch your breath. He held you gentlyâwith such care as if you were made of sugar, about to crumble on his fingers.
His fingertips brushed on the skin of your hips while he kissed the crown of your head. You were laid on his chest and could hear how rapid his heartbeat wasâand how it was matching your own.
There was no sassy quip you could come up with nor any dramatic diss you could throw on him. It was silent between you two, except for the beeping of cars and the train outside.Â
You felt your heart clench at your current state: clung to him while he was still inside you.
You couldnât deny your feelings at your current situation.Â
You attempted to get out of his grasp but he held you tighter.Â
âStay the night,â he whispered. It was such a simple offering but your face got warm again. You couldnât.
âIâI donât knowâŚâ
âPlease, love.â
There was a beat of silence before you let out a deep exhale, his nickname causing your heart to beat faster. He spoke to you with gentleness, care. The authority in his voice that youâd gotten used to was dimmed, and your heartbeat sped up.
âOkay.â
You couldnât deny the sensation in your chest just thinking of the vulnerable state you were in. Letting someone like him see.
Youâve come to the unfortunate conclusion that youâve gained feelingsâand now face a weird ultimatum.
Give up your pride, tell him the truth, and risk not getting that rank; or getting that rank no matter the cost.Â
And at that moment, you didnât know. So for then, you just stayed in his arms, and closed your eyes.Â
               â ââââââââââââââââââââÂ
You werenât one to call for an emergency meeting, but this time, you had no choice but to.Â
Shoko had barely sat down before raising an eyebrow at your nervous demeanor. âSomething happened. Didnât it?â Her voice was flat and deadpan.Â
Satoru and Suguru were across from you and mid-sip their coffees before they exchanged a knowing glance. They both looked at you, your appearance and demeanor.
âYou slept with him,â Suguru said bluntly, like he was absolutely positive and all-knowing. "...Right?"
Your lack of response gave you away and Suguru and Shoko lightly laughed while Satoruâs jaw dropped.Â
âHold upâŚâ Satoru leaned in like he was telling you a secret and shot you a shocked look. âYou fucked that guy?â
Your face burned and you looked away. âStop...:Â
âNo fucking way,â he murmured, âYouâre telling me you actually slept with Higuruma? Youâre lyingâŚâ
You let out a deep exhale and buried your face in your hands. âIâm not lying.â
Suguru had an amused look on his face and pointed at the sweatshirt you were wearingâthe law firmâs insignia embroidered on the left side of the chest. Specifically the law firmâs insignia Higuruma interned at. Â
âThatâs his. Iâve seen him wear it during midterms.â
You groaned and covered your face meekly. âI didnât mean for that to happen. I meanâIt just happened. And now I feel like Iâm gonna be sick and I donât know what to doâŚâ
âProbably because you like him. Like really like him,â Shoko said, matter-of-fact.Â
You blinked at her like she had three heads. âWhat?â
âLook, you dense girl,â Suguru added, âIf you didnât, you wouldnât be spiraling like this.â
You slumped in your seat and groaned, your coffee untouched and cooled. âLook, Iâve been thinkingâŚabout ending the bet. Like no more, calling it off for good. Heâs not who I thought he was and heâs really niceâŚâ
Shoko leaned back smugly and extended her hand towards Satoru, earning a glare from him. âPay up, good sir.â
He sighed and slapped a crumpled twenty dollar bill from his wallet into her palm.Â
Suguru chuckled. âYou were the one who said he âprobably had no gameâ or am I mistaken?â
Satoru pouted. âStill does but I guess his wholeâŚmelodramatic intense poli-sci vibe worksâŚMaybe I should consider trying that.â
Shoko snorted. âRightâŚIâm sure every girl on campus would love to hear you rant about the philosophy behind finance bros,â to which Satoru flipped her off.Â
They were teasing, sure, but none of it felt mean.Â
âWe get it,â Shoko continued, her tone softer and understanding. âYouâre not doing it for just the game anymore. Thatâs understandable.â
You sighed. âI donât even know if he feels the same wayâŚâ
Satoru shrugged. âTell him regardless. As much of an ass that he might be, he deserves to know.â
Suguru nodded, a knowing smile gracing his face. âWorst case? He doesnât feel the same. But now you wouldnât have to be on eggshells. Do it.âÂ
You nodded slowly, your stomach churning. But even if they might be stupid sometimes, your friends were definitely right.Â
His message was brief, curtââLetâs go over final revisions before the journal deadline.â Despite the paper already being turned in to the department head.Â
Still, there you were: outside his apartment and cold from the wind outside. Your palms felt clammy and your hair was still wet from the shower. You did your routine the best you could for the whole week yet you couldnât shake the feeling of the pit in your stomach residing every time you thought about him.Â
That even caused you to sit all the way in the back during lecture; somewhere he couldnât hear or see you.
âY/NâŚâ Hiromi looked at you, his gaze shifting from one of hesitance to one of worry. His eyes narrowed at the way you were pacing outside of his door and went to a stop the moment he opened the door. "Are you alright? Come in."
You slowly stepped inside, your body suddenly going stiff as the intimate smell of cedarwood and eucalyptus hit you. The apartment was dimly lit, courtesy of the lamps in Hiromi's living room. Yet, everything felt different.Â
You turned around, standing in the center of his apartment with your arms crossed to your chest. He shut the door and watched you carefully. "You...didn't bring your laptop."
"No," you said. "I didn't bring it."
You met his gaze for a second and looked away. The view of his eyes: narrowed and emotion practically leaking from his look, made you feel guiltyâsick.Â
"Hiromi, just...please stop." You whispered softly. Despite the bustling city life of downtown, it was like everything was silent between the two of you, slow.Â
His eyebrows slightly furrowed but he didn't move from where he was. "Okay."
You swallowed and cleared your throat. "I know this isn't about the paper," you started, your voice low and hesitant. "And I know I've been avoiding you and not speaking to you, but I didn't want to say anything until I knew how...I felt."
"There was a bet.â
He didnât reactânot at first.
You kept talking before you lost all your nerve. "Back when we got paired for the journal, my friends thought it would be funny if I got you to fall for me or to piss you off. And if I did, then they would help with getting a recommendation letter from Kitagawa."
You paused for a moment, swallowing the immense guilt you felt bubbling in your chest. "At first...I didn't think it would matter. You were so...closed off, focused. I thought it would be harmless and a joke."
You looked up and you felt your heart crack at his still expression; he was looking at you like you were a person in your lecture saying something stupid. And you didn't blame him, you couldn't. Not in the slightest.
"But then I got to know you. The way your mind works and the way you speak when you think I'm not listening and how kind you are and how you have such strong fucking integrity."
You looked to the side, to the living room, and exhaled sharply. "And it stopped being a joke. And I didn't know how to come clean without ruining everything, so I just...stopped. Because I likedâlikeâyou. And I hated myself for it.â
There was a pregnant pause between the both of you. It was silentâbut you didn't feel any hostility. Despite that, you could practically feel your pulse in your ears.
Then he spoke, calm, collected. Like he was restraining himself.Â
"Thank you for telling me."
You blinked. His tone was completely calm. "Y-You're not mad..?"
He let out a slow breath. "I don't know what I am right now."
Hiromi ran a hand down his face and then looked at you againânot with anger or resentment rather something close to prostration, like he was hurt.Â
"I had a feeling something was off. Especially after that...night."Â
He paused and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose shortly after. "I didn't reach out because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I thought maybe you regretted it, because you were very quick to leave soon after."
You opened your mouth to speak, to say something, but you literally couldn't.
"I've been thinking about it all week," he said, his voice cracking the slightest amount. "And not just that night but you. The way you laugh when you're trying not to be nervous. The way you argue when you know you're rightâwhich is almost all the damn time. The way you snap your fingers when you figure something out."
Your heart felt like it was going to break.Â
"I like you," he said, his voice slightly above a whisper. "I really like you. Even if it started with those intentions. Even if I don't know what to do with all of that. All I know is that Iâve never done something like this beforeâliked someone how I like you.â
Your body moved before you could even process everything he just told you and took a step forward. Then you felt his arms snake around your waist, engulfing you in his pretty cederwood scent that you liked so much.
Then, he spoke softly, face buried in your hair. "For the record, if it even matters, I was going to call you. A dozen damn times."
Your lips curved into a smile. "Why didn't you?"
"Thought I would come across as too strong or pushy. Or that everything that happened was a figment of my imagination."
You snorted at his words, despite the tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. "You didn't."
He smiled tooâa real genuine smile. Not those forced ones he gives professors rather one that simply came about. Your heart clenched at the sight.Â
Hiromi hummed and he lightly laughed before speaking. "I guess I should go thank Geto."
Your eyebrows furrowed at the mention of your friend and he laughed again. "What the hell? For what?"
"He told me to 'man the hell up because it's obvious'. He said you liked guys who made the first move."
You slightly blinked. "So that's why you were so...confident?"
His smile dropped and a look of concern flashed on his face. "Was it that bad?"
You giggled and covered your face. "A little slutty, I can't lie."
He kissed his teeth and his lips twitched. "Damn. I tried, though."
You extended your hand and held his, intertwining your fingers together. "For what it's worth, though...I liked it. Maybe a bit too much."
And then, before you could make another stupid joke, he caught your face between his warm hands, catching your lips with his in a slow kiss.Â
a/n: this has def seen so many edits but i think iâm finally happy with this one. i honestly donât give a fuck if it flops, iâm js very happy with this; iâve wanted to post it for this blog since im so proud of the pacing and everything after the editing (since trust me, it was so damn choppy and cringe and very obvious i wrote it in high school) hehehe no glaze ⌠stay tuned for my college au! choso fic thatâs still facing the early drafting process!!