you could say they're selling like ghost cookies

Al // Alexander David Turner, est 1986 in High Green, Sheffield, England. Singer, guitarist and principal songwriter for indie rock legends Arctic Monkeys. Also currently waiting on TLSP2 to drop. [rp blog, yo.]

[devilishisms-deactivated2016041]

I have taken the liberty of making sure the house is in perfect shape for Christmas, broken out all my forms of Christmas socks that involve not only pom poms but also tiny little bells and different variations of snowmen, candy canes, and many more, but I have also made sure that anything Christmas related for Amelia to wear is all folded neatly in her dresser and all Karen can do is sit there and laugh at my excitement for our daughters second Christmas. And in the words of Stephanie Tanner, how rude!

[alexfcknturner]

Oh god you’re back. 

[misspoppyswan]

[alexfcknturner]

[alexfcknturner]

.

[misspoppyswan]

[PM] Suit yourself, mate, see if I care about how either your relationship or friendship with Miles goes down.

[alexfcknturner]

[PM]: Great. Excellent. Everyone’s a winner.

[misspoppyswan]

[PM] Yeah mate, but Taylor isn’t Miles, not by far. Millie is a great guy, and a mishap that you’d gladly have again, he’s always been that for you. It hurts like a bitch to hear meself say that, but it’s how it is.

[alexfcknturner]

[PM]: Don’t pretend you know me, Alexa. You haven’t seen me for ages, you don’t know as much as you think you do. Miles was a mishap that won’t happen again. I’m not planning on it happening again, and that’s that. Stop it.

[misspoppyswan]

[PM] I’m not saying he isn’t your best mate or that you don’t care, you know how I am, I’m half teasing you but half being balls-to-the-wall honest. Seeing as how you did snog him and/or more while you were supposedly with me, I’m not gonna take your word for that.

[alexfcknturner]

[PM]: Yeah but I also slept with Taylor while I was with you so that doesn’t really mean anything. Miles was just a drunken mishap, I explained that at the time. There’s nothing there. No way no how.

[misspoppyswan]

That’s why it’s great. You lie outside tanning and don’t melt, I can’t stand outisde for two seconds wihtout feeling like I’m gonna collapse in a heatstroke. But if I’m gonna pick a place outside of home, it’ll be New York forever. She’s a darling, and then a dickhead like you comes out of her. As if, Al, I know you, you turn into a pathetic puppy and then defensive any time Miles gets brought up. I’m sure you’ll have a long line of ladies out to kiss your face. 

[alexfcknturner]

[PM]: I do not get defensive. He’s my best mate, of course I care about him. Doesn’t mean I wanna snog him every time I see him.

[misspoppyswan]

Mhm, wha’ever helps you sleep at night, love. Sunshine is good, but sunshine in England is better… I guess everything is a lil bit better back home. That’s great, give your parents my love, I miss your mum, she’s lovely. Lookin’ to get that New Year’s kiss with Millie? How cute.

[alexfcknturner]

Sunshine in England last for two minutes and it’s usually still cold at the same time. Nah, I’m not a fan of England, really. London’s nice for a while, and Sheffield is home and will always be great, but I’m rather fond of LA. Penny Turner, national treasure. Urgh stop it, that’s not gonna happen. Not now, not ever. I’ll kiss some random woman, or no-one at all.

[misspoppyswan]

You’ve gotta be dipped in a pool of suncream head to toe to leave, even in England during the summer you turn an embarrassing shade of dark pink. I think I’d take the rain over the blazing sun all year round. Oh yeah, that… So you’re staying in LA then?

[alexfcknturner]

I do not! England’s fine, we don’t have enough sun for it to matter. Nah, I get all depressed when it’s raining. Not a fan of that, not at all. Much prefer the sunshine. I’ll go home for Christmas, spend it with me mum and dad, then come back to LA after New Year’s, probably. Dunno what I’m doing for New Year’s yet, might spend it in Liverpool wi’ Mi.

[htmlhemsworth-blog]

The only cat who isn’t gross is my baby, Coco, because mama raised her with good morals and manners. Do you have any pets of your own?

[alexfcknturner]

No, no I don’t. My last girlfriend had a dog who was the best thing ever, loved him to pieces I did. But obviously she took him when we broke up, so I don’t have any of my own.

[misspoppyswan]

Yeah, sure mate, the one who gets sunburnt within five minutes of being outside. I dated you for four years, Turner, as if you can bullshit me. Come to New York, spend the most wonderful time of the year in the chill.

[alexfcknturner]

Suncream is a wonderful thing, Chung. I mean I do have to essentially bathe myself in the stuff before I leave the house, but it’s worth it to not have to deal with the rain. Not a fan of New York, not after everything.

[misspoppyswan]

And you’ve always been a Sheffield kinda lad, but here we are, melting our bloody brains out and no ugly 80 year old grandad jumper to be seen.

[alexfcknturner]

I fucking love the sun, me. Always happy when the sun’s shining. Not really sure I wanna go home for Christmas, probably wouldn’t if it weren’t for the family.

[htmlhemsworth-blog]

I need to inform the world that Lea Michele’s cat is the spawn of Satan, if the spawn of Satan were a cat. Don’t let that innocent feline face fool you - that little bitch puffed up my eyes and now I can’t go out in public until I get these facials done and get my normal face back. I hate cats. Thank God Coco is better than all of them.

[alexfcknturner]

Cats are pretty gross, I’ll give you that. I’m more of a dog person.

[misspoppyswan]

Los Angeles is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t understand how people get into the Christmas spirit when it’s bloody melting temperature outside… Just don’t get it.

[alexfcknturner]

You always were a New York kinda girl.

[fcknzaynmalik]

My favorite thing about social media is that you can unfollow people that annoy the fuck outta you. It doesn’t do much to them, but for you – it clears your head and you can actually scroll your feed without getting angry. Imagine if once you followed someone, you couldn’t unfollow them? 

[alexfcknturner]

That’s part of the reason that I don’t have a social media presence at all. Like, I’d just annoyed with everyone and end up wanting to quit any way. Much better to stay away from all that, I think.

[bossbitchminaj-deactivated20160]

How do I know you ain’t all talk?

[alexfcknturner]

I dunno, ask Margot Robbie? Or Taylor Swift? Or Nina Dobrev? Or any of the other people around here that I’ve slept with?

[alexfcknturner]

.