Alex's thoughts

I'm a 16 year old girl who likes to read, listen to music, write and take photos. I love hanging out with friends because I have such amazing friends.

[cimorelliband]

Easy To Forget Me - Cimorelli Lyrics

I won’t call you cause I know you won’t pick up I still don’t know what happened And it’s been months

Do you remember when you called me up at 1 in the morning The time you told me you could trust me more than anyone Cause I still remember everything

We’re in the same town But you’re nowhere to be found

So tell me now, do you ever miss me? How could you just walk away Is it that easy to forget me Cause all I know is that we were so close And now it’s like I don’t know you anymore And I just gotta know Is it that easy to forget me?

I never thought that we’d end up like this Cause you were the one that I could always count on And now there’s nothing left No evidence that I was ever in your life But I’m still the same, so why did you change

We’re in the same town But you’re nowhere to be found

So tell me now, do you ever miss me? How could you just walk away Is it that easy to forget me Cause all I know is that we were so close And now it’s like I don’t know you anymore And I just gotta know Is it that easy to forget me?

How did we end up strangers What would I say if I ever saw you again And I don’t wanna care so much So why do I keep holding on?

I keep holding on

I put the phone down, I’m done waiting to be found

So tell me now, do you ever miss me? How could you just walk away Is it that easy to forget me Cause all I know is that we were so close And now it’s like I don’t know you anymore And I just gotta know Is it that easy to forget me?

[alexthewriter2001]

This song has helped me through so much. I lost 2 friend groups in a year because they couldn’t handle my personality anymore. I’m alone at school, almost all my friends are 2 years younger then me and if I’m lucky we’ll go to the same school in a year. But this summer I haven’t needed this song. I’ve spent more time with friends THIS summer then for the last maybe 5 summers. I’m so grateful for this summer and the friend I’ve made, through another friend of mine so we all hang out together. This summer I’ve made more memories then I can count and I know a lot more is coming my way. So, as I move on from having to listen this song to feel better I go on to much happier music such as Last Summer, Superstar, Up at Night, Hearts on Fire, Chasing Air, Headlights, I Know You Know It, I Like It, Make it Stronger, Kryptonite, Blue, Galaxy, Find Me and so many more. I move on from my sadness and go for happier memories, new memories and just making the most of this summer, while it’s still here. Before I have to go back to a school, and class, with no friends. Days sitting alone, not even going for lunch, not having anyone to talk to all day. I need to focus on having fun while I can, while it last, while I can stay up til 3 am and snapchatting my friends, go on late night walks, slumber parties and talking all night. Just having plain, normal fun.

[kaththepoet]

You can’t buy a life.

Five years ago today, I witnessed a death. This is the poem I wrote that night.

I watched you die tonight.

I didn’t know you more

Than three or four sentences

Just casual words exchanged,

“What happened to the car?”

“Where would you like it towed?”

You smiled, simply, kindly

Just doing your job

Just helping out a frightened girl

On the side of a dangerous highway.

I heard the noise

I did not see the car

What was she thinking?

How could she leave you there,

Speeding off in a frantic hurry like that?

It must have been Fear, I decide.

All I remember were

The golden headlights

As I leapt in front of

Countless cars

Screaming, screaming,

“Stop! Stop!”

I pointed at your body

I did not dare to go too close.

The ambulance came.

They lit the flares.

The paramedic approached me-

“He’s passed.”

“Just five deep breaths.”

“It’s out of your control.”

And I learned tonight

You cannot buy a Life

With unceasing sobs

And helpless prayers of pleading.

So I’m left to say,

Rest now, sir,

In the arms of the One who loves you most.

I asked Him to give you

His deepest place of Love

I asked Him to care for

Your grieving family

I never got to meet your brother

Who, I overheard,

Was on his way

So all I have

Is your full name

R.L.C

I’ll carry it forever with me.

[alexthewriter2001]

This made me cry. No one should have to go through this. Death is horrible, believe me I’ve experienced it. But I did not griev for you, or your passing I realise. My grief was for a life without you. You were way to young. So this poem speaks to me personally. No, I did not watch it happen, but a car was involved and you were just gone. And you will never again tell me happy birthday, update your Facebook on te new car you wanted to fix up, you never got to see your niece grow up, you never even got to meet, or know about, your nephew. RIP my deraest cousin. I can’t believe it’s already been over a year

[kaththepoet]

Thought process on conforming.

I put on my glasses

And pull back my hair

Don’t look too good

You don’t want them to stare

I make myself quiet

I make myself small

Note to self to make self-deprecating remarks

To them all

You don’t want to be annoying

You don’t want to be loud

So put on your brave face

And walk into the crowd

You can’t be yourself

Cause who you are is too much

Tone down your colors,

Move slowly, don’t rush

But at the end of the day

Though you fake and you hide

You know that a part of you

Is dying inside.

[kaththepoet]

his ghost.

in my mind i see the funeral

the flares lit up on the side of the road

the body, the blood

my best friends eyes

the hopeless screams

i hear

the hopeless screams

i see

the widow, the children

i am haunted, always haunted

although i barely knew him

his ghost follows me

and i am never alone.

[alexthewriter2001]

Update

So I haven’t posted in like forever and I’m goin to try and change that. Even though I don’t really have any followers I love writing and sharing stuff with all of you people out in internet land. And I want to share my life experienses with all of you, because who knows it might help you, or someone, today, tomorrow or somewhere in the future. So that’s mostly what I wanted to write here but we’ll see when I post next time. I’ll try to put something up by the end of this week. My life is a little chaotic right now as I’m in the middle of a move, which might be the perfect subject to start up my blog with again. So it’s setteled, by the end of this week I will try to have a post up about what moving feels like, from my point of view at least. See you then, and until then stay safe or something. Yeah I don’t have a way to end my posts yet but that will come later. So, bye!

[cimorelligifs]

Lauren:  I am not a doormat that you step on. I am not something you can change to fit your likes and needs. In fact, I’m not a “thing” at all. […] I am a million pieces that all fit together like the night time stars. I am more than skin and bones. I am the most complex thing one can ever be. I am human.

[cimorrelli]

i wanna live not just survive, i’m alive

[alexthewriter2001]

This i beautiful <3

[clapaso]

Shutting down Getting by Even though There’s pain inside Is how I know I’m alive I feel because I’m alive And if I break Wanna feel every single thing I’m alive I wanna live, not just survive I’m alive

Cimorelli - Alive (via clapaso)

[kaththepoet]

To Be A Human

TO BE A HUMAN

I. It is painful to be a human. Rejection. Judgment. Exclusion. Isolation. Being labeled. Misunderstood. Being dismissed. Categorized. It is painful to be a human. Expectations. Barriers. Burdens. Pressure. Perfectionism. Doing a million things You don’t want to do To become someone You never wanted to be. Bending over backwards To please the crowd. Trying to prove your worth And living a life that lacks Meaning. It is painful to be a human. Death. Grief. Uncertainty. Fear and anxiety eating your brain. Depression. Loneliness. Failure. It is painful to be a human.

II.

It is beautiful to be a human. Hope. Recovery. Birth and rebirth. Music. Symphonies. Starry nights and holding hands. Falling in love, Finally. It is beautiful to be a human. Daughter. Sister. Mother. Father. Brother. Friend. Wanted. Loved. Cherished. Seen. It is beautiful to be a human. Midnight conversations that twist for hours. Hot tears dripping. Belly laughs aching. Climbing a mountain and standing on top. Looking out over Rushing rivers. Gnarled trees. Breathtaking landscapes. Sunsets. Heartbeats. Feeling alive. It is beautiful to be a human. Letters ripped open. Tender embraces. Something baking in the oven. Thunderstorms. Open fields. Wildflowers growing. Dreams. Destiny. Fate. Vulnerability. Authenticity. Hope. To become w h o you were meant to b e.

It is beautiful to be a human.

[alexthewriter2001]

[alexthewriter2001]

Lonely is not being alone, it's the feeling that no one cares.

Unknow

[alexthewriter2001]

This song is so powerful. I went trough a really tough time a little over 6 months ago. I didn’t see the meaning of life. I didn’t see the meaning of living. Of being alive. I was all alone and I didn’t tell people how much I was actually hurting. How meaningless everything seemed. I seriously considered suicide. About ending my life. Giving up. But then I listened to Cimorellis music. I cleared my head. I sorted things out. I got out of the depressed state I was in. I survived and now I have true friends who would do almost anything for me. I got rid of the toxic people in my life. I got closure. I’m so much happier now. There’s rarley a day when I feel bad anymore. 

So to everyone who’s reading this: You can survive. You can make it trough whatever you’re going trough. You ARE strong, you are beautiful, you are loved, your life has meaning and you are worth EVERY good thing in life.

So as this video show many valid reasons for living. Such as best friends, babies  snacks, pets, falling in love, Gods love, you are alowed to make mistakes - you’re only human, you ARE great, you ARE enough, things WILL get better. It can take only days, maybe months maybe even years but please stick trough all those though moments. Without the bad days what is your life? What would life be without though times? You wouldn’t know real pain and that’s the sort of pain that makes us human and showes us how strong we are.

Please take this in and know that I believe in you. I may be a stranger on the internet but I believe in you. I belive that you are strong enough to do anything. So remember you are funny, strong, beautiful, carred for, loved, amazing, smart and worth every good thing ahead.

[alexthewriter2001]

Everything Everything review

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT (OBVIOUSLY)

So I finnished reading everything everything about 1 1/2 weeks agoand then me and my friend decided that we were gonna watch it on her birthday celebration party thingy. So we watched the movie. And I got so disapointed. It was so bad if you compare it to the book. Like WHAT?

A few things that bottered me

Maddys bathingsuit was pink in the book - movie = yellow

In the movie where Olly put up pictures of the ocean THAT NEVER HAPPENED!

In the movie Olly didn’t do ANYTHING with parkour

Olly never went to his roof in the movie

In the movie we never got to hear Ollys backround story with his father

In the book Maddy had long hair - in the movie = kinda short

In the book their room is super small - in the movie = it’s like an apartment

That’s just a few of the things that bothered me. And one thing that REALLY annoyed me is that in the movie Olly and Maddy didn’t seem to have any chemistry. It just really bothered me.

And so many of the things that happened at night happened when it was light outside or the other way around. 

But I really LOVED the book. It was one of the best books I’ve read in a while and I actually read it in english even though that’s just my second language.

[alexthewriter2001]

Short storytime

So this is a really short storytime that happened today.

I was shopping and I didn’t feel like standing in line so I went to the self-checkout line. When I had scanned my items I forgott to put in that I wanted a bag to take the stuff in (which here costs money) and I couldn’t go back. So I just took a bag. So that’s the short story of how I became a small ‘’theif’’.

[alexthewriter2001]

The queer friend group

Hi again!

I am so excited right now and I need to share this information. So yesterday I was out with my friend group at a local coffe shop and we all ordered and talked and stuff. After about an hour another ‘friend’ joined and about 30 minutes later, I don’t know how, the subject changed to sexualities. So apperently my friend ‘’Maya’’ (from the previous post) is bisexual and I was very surprised but happy. So I got currious and I asked about everyones sexualities. We were 7 people there and here are the sexualities.

Me: Pansexual and asexual

‘‘Maya’‘: Bisexual (maybe pan)

‘‘Anna’‘: Bisexual (maybe pan)

Girl 4: Bisexual

Boy 1: Gay

Boy 2: Straight

Person: Nonbinary

Right now I’m so happy because there’s so many sexualities in our friend group and yeah I was so happy. In my former friend group, as well as I knew, I was the only one who wasn’t straight and this is just really new to me.

So yeah, that’s all for this time. I just wanted to share this. Thanks for ‘’listening’’. See you next time.

[alexthewriter2001]

“High School”

I just started what’s in America called high school and here it is called “Gymnasiet”. And I want to share my experiences from the first week. I’m gonna write high school since it’s easier to understand.

So I started school last Thursday and I had NO friends tere. So te first day I was completley alone. There was this girl in front of me (let’s call her Anna) that I wanted to become friends with. But I didn’t have the curouge. So even though the first day was just abot 3 1/2 hours long I felt so alone.

So on Friday I wasn’t as excited to go to school but I was still excited. So after about an hour we had to interview each other 2 and 2. So this guy came up to me (let’s call him Eric) and asked if I wanted to partner up with him and of course I said yes because I didn’t have anyone else to interview. So when we were finished he asked me if I had gone to (insert school here) and I had. So it turned out he was one of my best friends from grade 1-3. So from then on I had a friend. We hung out.

Later that day we went to the librery to get our textbooks and there Anna started to talk to us and walk with us so after about 10-15 minutes we had became friends. I was so happy because the first day she sat next to this other girl and I thought they were best friends. And even later that day Erics friend (let’s call her Maya) Maya ate lunch with us and I had another friend. She was in another class then but we still became friends.

So then the week ended and on Monday we went back to school and all 3 of us hung out, not just in school but after school as well. So after school we went out to a cafe with 2 of Erics and Mayas friends. We had so much fun and it had been such a long time since I had hung out with friends after school. It had been over 8 months.

Then on tuesday they redid the classes so me, Eric, Anna and Maya was all in the same class and we now have so much fun together in class. I ask them for help sometimes and they ask me. I could never do that at my old school because I was the smartest one of my frineds and they didn’t want to ask for help unless they wanted me to solve the stuff for them, like mathproblems.

Now I have fun in school again, I have 3 new friends and they’re amazing. My last friends betrayed me and just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. But I’m gonna write more about that in anoter post. So now I have fun in school, I have people to talk to and hang out with for the first time in 6-7 months. So if you’re alone and don’t have any friends just keep up hope. I was depressed for over 6 months about loosing my friends but now I have new ones. I have a hard time trusting ths is going to last forever but even if it dosen’t I’m gonna enjoy it for now.

So the lesson here is that life gets better. So don’t give up. I was afraid I was going to spend 3 years all alone but I’m (probably) not going to. I really hope this helped someone. 

[prettylittlelrs]

first scene - last scene

[alexthewriter2001]

This is to emotional. I can’t handle it. I still haven’t gotten it into my head that that this series have ended. It will always be my favorite series <3