rip 2 my youth

and if I may just take your breath away i don't mind if there's not much to say sometimes the silence guides our minds so move to a place so FAR AWAY

[alexvthomas]

ever since his brother had become a father, gabe had been considering the idea of it himself. now that he was with alex who had made it very apparent to him that he was now in a very serious relationship, what with them getting engaged and leaving the show alex had spent most of his adult life on. they were switching up their careers, becoming responsible and figuring out what they really wanted from life. alex wanted a family, gabe was ready to give him that family. he deserved it, after everything he has been through and how positive and strong he’s always been, and for how supportive he has always been for gabe – no one deserves a family more. he reentered the room with a glass of water and a cup of tea in hand, chuckled lightly before setting them both down on the coffee table and rejoined alex on the sofa. his arm fell over his shoulder, smiling at the man he loved who was simply in awe of this gorgeous little girl. “i would agree to that, but then i would have to avoid my brother for the rest of my life and i’m quite fond of him.” gabriel kissed his cheek, tangled his fingers in the other mans hair and let out the softest of sighs. “soon baby, soon you’ll have your own. we just need to wait for those forms to come back.”

everything alex really wanted was right here in his hands --- he wanted to be able to do the same thing, but with an infant he could call a son or a daughter. he’d always been very family-oriented --- it might have to do with the fact that he grew up with the absence of two parents. gabe could understand, he practically went through the same thing. losing one parent is just as terrible as losing both of them. their families were never perfect or ideal; but he had no doubt in his mind that the family he’d build with gabe would be nothing but perfect, and will instantly become his favorite thing in the entire world. he’d basically been ready to become a dad since he was twenty years old. and when he got a taste of it with logan, while he was dating ellie... it only proved his point further, and all he wanted was a kid he’d call his own. he leaned into his touch, closing his eyes with a small smile on his lips. “i hope you’re ready for the lack of sex you and i are going to be getting once there’s a little kid present in the house 24/7.”

[alexvthomas]

harley liked to keep himself to himself, it wasn’t that he  expected people to have an opinion on him, he just really didn’t care. if he was seen as antisocial, then so be it. people always had an opinion about something, especially things they did not understand. he did’t know what thomas thought of him but he would like to find out. so far, he had managed to understand that thomas was incredibly shy. that didn’t stop him from talking to him, he always did have a thing for the quiet type, the kind that seemed to bobble around the school halls awkwardly, clutching his books and hoping no one would notice that maybe he tripped up back there. harley was observant, very observant, he noticed and of course, he fond it endearing -  or else he wouldn’t be here with him right now. “you just wait there –” he smiled, snapping his fingers like he’d forgotten something, “What would you like to drink?” he gave the other man a smile his warm eyes meeting his cool blue hues from across the table. he could win this kid over, or so he thought to himself. maybe he could use a little corrupting.

he thought that if he wasn’t in the middle of a conversation with him right now, he could stare into his eyes for the next hour. they were a strange color of blue --- light, yet they seemed to hold an entire ocean. honestly, he’d be ready and willing to draw a more detailed sketch of him right here and right now, now that he’d seen him up close. thomas scoffed, and began to shake his head. “you don’t --- you don’t have to buy me anything, really... i got my own drink already ---” he gestured towards his coffee... which was next to another coffee cup, already empty. thomas was made up of 50% anxiety, 40% coffee and 10% of sarcastic wit. if he was comfortable enough, that is. every time he looked up and into his eyes, thomas found himself instantly looking away --- no matter how much longer he’d long to stare into those blue eyes. he shook his head, “so... i don’t think you really need to trouble yourself, or... or whatever, to buy me anything ---”

[alexvthomas]

he seemed pretty protective over that book of his. harley shrugged it off and ran his thumb along the edge of his drink. whenever he got the chance, he took a moment or two to stare into the other boys eyes. he wanted to get a good indication of whether or not this kid could be into him or not, after all he didn’t want to embarrass himself by asking him out. after another moments passing, harley clasped his lower lip between his teeth and gave a hint of a smile. “you fancy getting out of here? i’ll buy you a drink, we can go for a walk if you want?” it was cliche, taking the cute kid out for an afternoon fucking stroll but this guy didn’t look like the type to walk much on the wild side of things and he was pretty sure if he asked him to hop onto the back of his motorcycle he might cry. he would work up to that eventually, mabye when thomas was a little more articulate. but right now he seemed to be still on edge so harley figured he could work him out of his shell a little more, later. “unless you want me to get out of your way?” 

before talking to him, thomas an entirely different perspective of this guy. harley was being kind, and sweet and offering to hang out with him. what thomas imagined him to be like... was just the opposite of all of this. and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy this much more --- fuck brooding and mysterious. that never worked out for him in the past, anyway. asking him to get out of here with him, it came as yet another surprise to thomas. seriously, this must be some practical joke --- no one really wanted to waste time, spending it with the really quiet and odd kid, who barely even spoke more than two sentences without stuttering at least once. he nodded his head still, and he could fucking feel the blush creeping onto his cheeks. he felt flushed, as well, and all because of what? a good-looking guy who kept giving him bedroom eyes told him he wanted to hang out. pathetic, pathetic. he felt like a little schoolgirl who just got asked out by her crush. “--- it is getting a bit crowded in here, isn’t it?” he scoffed, tugging at the collar of his shirt. “i’m... i’m okay with that.” he tried with a small smile, but he was sure he only looked ridiculous. 

[alexvthomas]

before gabe, alex had been very promiscuous. that was after ellie and brianne, of course, he just reached a point in his life where he didn’t see the point in a relationship anymore, and ‘he was all about having fun’ or some shit like that. but even in that period, he still saw kids in his future. he wanted them no matter if he ended up with someone or alone --- somehow, he’d become a dad. and now he carried an infant in his arms, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. gabe was somewhere in the kitchen, getting a glass of water for himself. they were meant to be babysitting lilly --- meaning that if she slept, they’d just keep her in her bed. but even then, alex refused to put her down for a second.  he almost couldn’t believe that if he just waited a little bit longer, he’d be carrying his own child in his arms. anyone who knew alex knew he wasn’t the most sentimental guy externally --- he’d rather keep it all on the inside. but nothing warmed his heart more than children did. he was always good with them, and always imagined that he’d have one of his own one day. he looked up as he heard gabe enter the living room again, and gave him a small smile. “let’s kidnap her.”

[alexvthomas]

Gabe chuckled, Alex’s excitement was more than what he was expecting to come out of his mouth. He was expecting him to be nostalgic, sad even, not excited. But, he was right, this place had become somewhere they no longer enjoyed being, surrounded by people they couldn’t stand. “Then why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?” Gabe smirked and reached for Alex to bring him closer to him and kissed his lips deeply. He knew kids was something he was going to have to get used to. He hoped they could get the practise they needed with his brothers daughter but he was still relatively terrified by the idea of having to look after another human being but he seemed to be doing quite well when it came to taking care of Alex. He laughed, let him lay back down and tangled his fingers in those soft locks of hair he loved so much. “You don’t have to wait, I know you’re the only one I’m ever going to want to be with. If you’re ready for all of that, then we can have it. You just say the word and we’ll start looking for a way to make it happen.”

As he pulled him in for a kiss, Alex took it upon himself to climb onto his lap and straddle him, a position he’s grown far too comfortable to be in. Alex used to think that he couldn’t picture what he would be doing if there was no Valleys --- but that was before he stopped enjoying it here, before he met Gabe. Now, he couldn’t see himself with anyone else by his side. No one would be able to meet his expectations after Gabe, they both knew that very well. Even if people around him couldn’t accept that, people closest to him like his own flesh and blood, then they’d just have to learn how to live with it. After all, this was his life. Didn’t he get to choose who he wanted to end up with? If it had been the biggest asshole in the world that he fell in love, then so be it. That would be his business, and nobody else’s. Lucky for him, Alex fell in love with the most beautiful and genuine boy he’s ever known. His favorite thing about him used to be how crazy hot he’d get in bed. Even though that was still a thing he loved, his favorite thing now was how he could envision him as a father to his child. And he couldn’t wait to bring that to reality, and see it for himself. “Gabriel Michaels,” Alex began, with the biggest grin and a twinkle in his eye, he held his face between his hands. “I want a fucking baby.”

[alexvthomas]

maybe thomas wasn’t the most articulate of people but it didn’t take away the fact that honestly, thomas fucking adorable. probably a virgin - definitely a virgin. which was good, at this age, being a virgin meant you were probably gay. which worked in harley’s favor because he was exceptionally good at helping attractive, awkward guys come out. he leaned over the table, his grin widening as the boy worked through his stutters. really? it was pretty damn adorable. really adorable. actually, he was pretty sure he’d never seen anyone so adorable in his life. he probably shouldn’t think about taking advantage of someone like this but he couldn’t deny that this kid really had peaked his interest.

“it’s alright, you just seemed to put it away pretty quickly when i got here. like you were ashamed or something…” harley took another swig of his drink, his blue eyes meeting the others from across the table. he wondered what was making him so nervous but he didn’t ask, then he might be forced to have to leave if he didn’t like what he heard. “you’re thomas, right?” harley asked, ever so slightly arching a brow. he knew that was his name, after all, they had the same class together - but he couldn’t look too eager.

he stared at his closed notebook in the few seconds of silence that passed; what was he even supposed to say? the guy he’s been pining after from afar decided to talk to him today, after almost an entire semester together in the same class, yet no speaking. he looked up at him as he spoke, and he couldn’t help but notice how much prettier he was up close. it was easy to get lost in those eyes now that he’s seeing them for the first time, and his light freckles on his face --- and all he could think about was how he now had new details to add to his sketches and drawings. stop being a fucking creep. 

“i-it’s nothing... i’m just not exactly proud of my stuff, that’s all.” he made up any excuse to divert the attention from his notebook. he knew that if harley asked to take a look, he wouldn’t have it in him to say no. and what would happen when he sees a million pages filled with his face? he’d probably walk away from here and never talk to him again, thinking he’s some sort of stalker. he hugged the notebook tighter to his chest. “yeah...--- yeah, i’m thomas.” he was honestly surprised that he even knew his name; he doesn’t contribute much in lectures, unless he had to. he usually spent his time in the back, with his damn notebook. 

[alexvthomas]

okay, so his first encounter with thomas didn’t go as well as predicted. he was a little odd - but still - he was cute, very cute. much cuter up close. smiling, harley settled down into the seat beside him and made a face at the muffin in his hand. “so they fucked up my order - you want this?” he held it out towards the other boy, offering him a gentle smile, wondering if perhaps this would work. he hated small talk, he really did, that was why he avoided so many conversations but if he was going to get anywhere with this guy, he was going to have to make an effort. 

he had no idea that thomas liked to draw him, he probably wouldn’t have talked to him had he known - not that he would have found it creepy. just because he wouldn’t have liked to have disappointed thomas with the reality of who he really was. you draw people you fantasize over, not the brooding redhead that reads poetry by e.e. cummings and smokes around 20 cigarettes a day. he never thought himself that great, but that was pretty much how most children see themselves once they find out they are adopted. might’ve been different had his birth parents died, but no, they just abandoned him - couldn’t even save him the dignity and had him aborted. but whatever, harley had accepted that this was his life now. looking back at thomas, he took a sip of his drink and motioned to his sketchbook. “what’re you drawing?”

it was bad enough that he was a blushing and stuttering mess as soon as he began to talk to him, but the confused expression that was most definitely on his face right now probably took the cake. he couldn’t help but feel confused; since when did harley ever even look his way? or would want to talk to him at all? but then he was reminded of how busy and crowded the place was; the only available spot was at thomas’ table. of course. there was no need to get his hopes up. he wasn’t really hungry, but it was a muffin from harley, and so thomas is taking the fucking muffin. “sure?” it sounded like a question more than an answer, “thanks...---” he set it next to him on the table, knowing very well he probably won’t eat it right now but it was considered the holy muffin right now. 

“uh...---” he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, so he spent at least a solid five seconds going with his ums and uh’s, trying to think of an excuse. “it’s... it’s nothing.” he let out a small, nervous chuckle. “just random... people, nothing special about it, really ---” he cleared his throat and shut himself up, his arms crossed over each other and over his notebook --- still guarding it like it was some sort of sacred book. he glanced up at harley, and then awkwardly tried to look away. he knew he should fucking toughen up and say something, ask a question --- but he was stuck. he didn’t know what to say or how to act in this situation; he usually never does. 

[alexvthomas]

This show meant more to Alex than it did to Gabe, he knew that deep down he himself could never ask Alex to leave. It was a case of letting Alex decide when he himself was ready. He watched his fiancé, smiled with each new small drawing he left on his hand and kissed at the top of his head every moment he could. Alex was his whole world, it was clear he hadn’t been happy here, neither of them had, not for a while now. He wished he could say the question stunned him, but it didn’t, he wasn’t shocked by anything Alex asked him anymore - it was like they could read each others minds. He had seen this coming. He wanted a family and obviously, that wasn’t going to happen on this show. “If you’re ready to leave, then…well, then I want to go with you. You know you’re the only reason I’m still here.”

As soon as he heard his answer, Alex sat up and turned to face Gabe, a grin playing at his lips. “Then what the fuck are we waiting for? Lately I’ve been itching to leave what has become this little hellhole and go home.” And for the longest time, since he asked Gabe to marry him, Alex thought about what his life would be like with a kid running around his house, calling him ‘daddy’. Once he realized that just the mere thought of that made him as happy as Gabe did, he didn’t have to think again. That was what he wanted, and maybe it’d be too early to even think about kids before getting married --- but Alex just couldn’t help himself. He wanted everything with Gabe as soon as possible. He learned that Gabe really opened his eyes to what he wanted his future to look like... and honestly, it’s already starting to look better that he’d ever imagined. He laid down on his chest again, but this time facing him and looking up. He smiled, “I want a little bugger running around our house. And I want us to be called dad, or daddy, or... or whatever they come up with.” he chuckled, leaning his head down against Gabe. “I can’t wait to have all of that with you.”

[alexvthomas]

it was just another day, just another miserably average day. the sun was testing his patience, trying to weasel him out of his leather jacket but harley wasn’t having any of it. he moved into a space beneath the shade, sitting under a tree for protection. he always wore black and although everyone would call him ‘weird’ or ‘mysterious’ for doing so, he didn’t do it for any of those reasons. honestly? he just really liked the colour black. he didn’t talk to many people in his college, didn’t feel any need to, none of them interested him and harley only spoke to people that really, really stood out to him. there was this one guy, thomas, sometimes harley thought about talking to him but he didn’t want to be disappointed. there was always that element of mystery before you spoke to someone, you got to keep up this beautiful illusion that they were the perfect person in your mind. but as soon as they open their mouths? sometimes that illusion is shattered and the redhead wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to see who thomas really was yet. 

it wasn’t until about maybe a month later that he finally approached him, having decided that his background surveillance had gone on long enough. he had to know. so after spotting thomas in a coffee shop, a crowded one none the less, harley decided he had found the perfect opportunity. he walked in, ordered his drink - he knew there was no where to sit, he knew there wouldn’t be before he even walked in. so, he approached the boys table and cleared his throat. “you mind if i sit?”

since day one, his psychology lecture has been both a dream and a nightmare. as soon as he laid eyes on probably the prettiest ginger boy he’s ever seen, he knew he was hooked. he never really smiled at all, and he didn’t talk to anyone. at least, only one or two people, as far as thomas knew. he screamed broody, dark, and mysterious and from then on thomas knew he was fucked because he wasn’t going to be able to resist that. everyday, he’d find the perfect spot to sit in in the lecture, one where he would have the perfect view and angle on him. on day two or three, he learned that his name was harley, and now it was the name he’d hear in the back of his mind every single day. the day he started filling up his notebook with drawings and sketches of this guy was the day he knew he was probably being a little too creepy and borderline obsessive --- but whatever, it’s not like he’s even got a chance to ever talk to him, let alone try to date him. and that was just it; harley was nothing but the really gorgeous guy in psychology whom thomas has drawn a million times already and admired from afar, and he told himself it’d be nothing else. because when was it ever something more for him? he wasn’t as lucky as most people were. so he learned to just accept it, and move on with his life. 

thomas didn’t talk to people. actually, thomas didn’t really have friends at all, either. except for one, and even she has to assure thomas every five days that she isn’t just friends with him out of pity. so, this is why he spent most of his time alone --- like today, in the middle of a crowded coffee shop with people all with their friends, thomas was sitting alone. his beanie was probably a bit too large, but at least it covered his face up... well, as much as a beanie can cover a face up, which isn’t much at all. he was hunched over his little notebook, and as per usual, in the middle of a little sketch of his latest wet dream, harley. his entire table was covered --- a laptop, and books that he was supposed to be studying from right now, but instead he decided to occupy himself with other things. which is why he was completely startled to hear a voice asking if they can sit here, and he was even more horrified to see that it was none other than fucking harley. he quickly closed his notebook and put his arms over it, as if it was a pot of gold he was trying to protect. he had to remind himself that staring at someone was creepy, and that he had to say something eventually. “n-no...uh, no. I don’t... mind, go ahead ---”

[alexvthomas]

Alex has been thinking about this long before he finally decided to go for it. He just knew Gabe wouldn’t turn down the idea of leaving some MTV show to finally move on and start their own family, so talking to him about it wasn’t the hard part. The hard part, really, was leaving all his good friends behind here. Sure, he’d see them again during the breaks, but it wasn’t quite the same. Either way, this would be much better for him --- for them. Just the thought of finally getting to be home for more than just a few months had him ecstatic. “So I gotta talk to you about something.” Alex spoke up; he’d been laying against Gabe on his bed, playing with his hands and drawing shapes on the back of them in complete, comfortable silence. He glanced up at him. “What... what would you think of us leaving? Leaving here, finally going home to live our own lives.”

[fkclou]

anonymously make an assumption about me and i'll confirm/deny it

[bluerangerpower-deactivated2018]

[alexvthomas]

Since when has bringing out the worst in people ever been such a terrible thing? Some tend to like that, yeah? I’d love to see you be sunshine and roses –…though the dark tint in your eyes is awfully nice to look at. You’ve yet to see my sunshine side, don’t act like you know me so well. And it’s Riley. You were so quick to spit back, you could’ve just easily walked away.

Do you really wanna get on my bad side? If bringing out the worst in people such a wonderful thing. What can I say? Asshole has always been a good look for me. Don’t worry, Riley, I’m in no rush at all to get to know you; I’m not very interested. Walk away from such rudeness? When it comes to that, Riley, snark comes out naturally. And all for what? A little headache? 

[sarcastic-dogood]

[alexvthomas]

I have no idea, I don’t usually pay much attention to who rooms with who. Plus, I never quite understood the point of switching rooms around either. Sounds like a plan to me, I’ve always wanted to burn something and make a little bonfire out of it. You should just collect all the panties you find and we could make a panty-fire. It’s like a bonfire, but made out of panties. 

It seems like an irrelevant and exhausting process to me. You never really know what people are doing in their beds, anyway. I’d probably be better off sleeping on the couches. It’s almost Christmas, anyway --- shall we collect all the panties around the house and make a fire in the fireplace out of them? Only on one condition; they must be Christmas themed panties, or nothing at all. You could be my official panty-consultant...--- though, I never really did get your name, did I? 

[alexvthomas]

If you dig around, I’m sure you’ll find it, buried beneath all of this negativity I seem to be piling onto you. Of course we are, I’m sure my other half would love that. Are you making the bracelets or shall I? Whilst that sounds like a great idea - I think my boyfriend would probably kill you. I’ve seen him try and fight guys for less, I mean, once he almost knocked a guy out for asking for my number.

And where did all that negativity come from? You seem to have something against me, from the moment I introduced myself. Am I too pretty? Are you just mad you can’t do anything about it because you’ve already got yourself a boyfriend? I get that a lot. Ah, I see --- he’s the clingy, possessive type. Well, good luck with that.

[alexvthomas]

I’m certain I can show you a lot better than I can tell you. Yes, humour me, feed my ego. I promise you my head won’t grow too big, and I’ll live up to all of my talk. I’d like to think I asked for it, so I knew how to prepare properly. So, when I did walk outside and see my face and voice everywhere, it wasn’t much of a shock to me. Definitely, it can be a pain. It’s just a part of my life now, I’ve gotten used to it. Too much of an ego? Please, that’s perfect. Fortunate for you, we don’t get a choice. You’re stuck with me.  How does that make you feel? 

Go ahead, then --- I’m waiting. Will you? We’ve been talking about it, I’ve yet to be impressed by anything at all. What, is the Valleys cast only good for the high school sort of flirting? At least your boy band benefited me a lot. As soon as the word spread that Harry Styles was coming to the club I was promoting, almost half of London was packed around it that night. I got a fair amount of tips that night; people do go crazy over you dumb pop singers. Indifferent. At least you can keep me from being bored.