Here is my resume to be in the Justice League, alright.
I enjoy killing, killing is my favorite. Mostly murder but any type of homicide is my specialty. Manslaughter, fuck yeah. I am qualified in robbing banks. I could get in and out in seconds. I also like parking illegally. My favorite type of parking. Battery, man do I looove battery. Ok that's it I think. Hope these are good qualifications.
Thank you for your interest in the Justice League.
Unfortunately, after careful review, I’m going to have to mark this application as a very firm no.
I do appreciate the honesty. That is usually something we look for. However, when “honesty” arrives in the form of a written confession involving murder, manslaughter, bank robbery, battery, and illegal parking, it does create a few concerns for the hiring committee.
Several concerns, actually. Most of them legal.
The Justice League is generally looking for people who want to prevent homicide, not diversify their experience in it. We also try to discourage bank robbery, assault, and parking illegally, though I’ll admit the last one is slightly lower on the emergency scale than the rest.
So, no, these are not good qualifications.
What I can recommend is community service, conflict resolution courses, maybe returning anything you’ve stolen, and developing a hobby that does not involve any of the things you've listed.
Please do not use me as a reference.
