Call me Electra

Everything I've ever wanted to share but never did. Here lies my soul, please be kind.  *Avater image is artwork from @louismarie

[introspectivepoet]

“We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.”

— Rumi

[phaxes]

via weheartit

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

“A person who loved you will never let you go, no matter the situation.”

via @love-diaries

[yoursummerdreamz]

[alias-electra]

Where did the supportive mom go that was telling me she just wanted me to be comfortable yesterday. Because all I'm seeing is someone that is trying to make me feel guilty and ashamed for not wanting to do something that would have caused me anxiety.

[alias-electra]

Im ditching my graduation ceremony

Tomorrow is my junior college graduation ceremony. Its the day I'm supported to celebrate the achievements I have earned over the past 3 years but all I feel is like running away.

I've been crying the past two hours over the stress and anxiety that this event is causing. My body is as uncontrollable as my mind.

I told my mom and she says that she just wants me to feel comfortable but that she was really looking forward to celebrating me tomorrow. 

But isn't celebrating supposed to make you feel happy? How can I feel happy if the whole event is overshadowed by my crippling anxiety? I don't want to go for the sake of a memory if that memory is going to be tainted. There's also this pressure that stems from expectation. The expectation to celebrate my graduation for my family. To impress them. I know they want to see me walk up on stage, to get a diploma and scream my name at the top of their lungs. But, then again, I don't even know how many of them would actually attend because I told them about the event only just recently. I didn't really give them enough time to prepare.

But is the anxiety worth it? I don't think so. I've had a really tough life in which I've been forced into situations that caused me great anxiety and depression. But this . . . I actually have a choice in the matter. I can choose to not attend and possibly regret it later or go through with it. But going through with it wouldn't feel like much of a celebration for me. In fact, it would be for everyone else but me. And I would be going through with it because I would be expected to--because that's the “normal” thing to do. But everything is about what I'm supposed to do, not what I want to do

I want to celebrate in my own way. And for me that doesn't involve going into a crowded and loud ceremony, it would be spending the day doing something that makes me feel alive and happy. Something that would make me forget the slight guilt produced by social expectations until I no longer feel it.

I'm going to the ocean.

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

via @defineyourgrind

[catherinestephens-deactivated20]

Please  Fuck me. I mean really Fuck me.  I need to Feel Something.  I need to  Feel Myself drowning In the ocean Between my thighs, and I need to Feel Asphyxiated. Because sometimes, The only way to Feel Alive, is to taste The edge of  Death.

You’re touch is what keeps me alive (via catherinestephens)

[alias-electra]

the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that no one else really knows what they’re doing either... we’re all fucked but at least we’re all fucked together

[alias-electra]

im running away from my feelings...like always

[mypaperbook]

[leahberman]

[suckybl0g]

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

“I wish I can explain to you how I feel because every night before I go to sleep. You’re all I think about.”

via @love-diaries

[alias-electra]

You know when you're having a nice fulfilling conversation with a friend and out of nowhere, your body wants to break down and disassociate. but you fight it with all your willpower because you want to keep talking and enjoying your time with your friend because you know that you don't get many conversations that feel like that and you want to make it last for as long as you can.

[jehovahhthickness]

Talk to me nice, I wanna hear something positive about y'all for once

Who’s going to college in the fall? Who got a baby on the way? Who’s getting married? Whose financial situation changed for the better? Who’s graduating soon? Who got their dream job?

Brag about it. Let’s GO

[ncnova-archived-deactivated2019]

I’m finally starting on a fanfiction I’ve been thinking about for about 6 months. 

[jehovahhthickness]

Omfg I know how that fucking feels. Please start as soon as you can! Don’t push anything back anymore. I wish that your creative juices will overflow and that writer’s block will not be an issue for you.

[sunnydagreatt-blog]

Start hair school June 12th 🤘🏽🤘🏽

[jehovahhthickness]

Good luck with everything baby!!!! Hope you make school your bitch and I wish you the best in your future endeavors!

[flawless-angell-deactivated2026]

Got a B on one my math exams and im starting a part time job soon! (though i have two upcoming exams which i need to ace aswell)

[cocoabuttakissesss]

i’m beginning to actually love myself, flaws and all.

[iinnercollection-deactivated201]

@jehovahhthickness that’s so sweet. You being supportive. Like sometimes people really need that you know. Cause no one is doing it for them in real life.

@ cocoabuttakisses congrats on the journey on self love. That’s amazing. And remember self love isn’t linear. There maybe days that you don’t like yourself at all. That’s okay. Just remember your further in your journey then you were yesterday, even with the days you make mistakes.

[abewitchingwillow]

I will be graduating college in a year after switching my major which set me back a little bit but I’m just so excited.

[jehovahhthickness]

CONGRATS BABE!!!

[this-is-myjourney]

Graduating in 11 days from undergrad with 0 debt due to maintianing 2 merit based scholarships. Ive been working on my confidence and taking care of myself and I feel excited (but scared) for this new chapter in my life.

[jehovahhthickness]

You better WERK, sis!!!! 💕🤗 I’m so excited for you!!!

[theeladycaramel]

I’m finishing out my freshman year with a 3.9 gpa and an internship this summer.

[jehovahhthickness]

Wow ok smarty pants!!!! Congrats!!!! Keep it up, sis 💕💕💕

[knowing]