Alice's Creative Underland

a mentally Ill stoner witch who writes poetry and is a published author

[alicelilwolf]

"Echoes of Teenage Torment: Reclaiming My Voice"

"In this poem, I delve into the depths of my past, where neglect and trauma shaped my turbulent journey, yet through the flames of anger, I discover the strength to rewrite my story and find healing, reclaiming the voice silenced by pain."

In the mirror's gaze, I see her reflection clearly,

That inner teenage girl, consumed by fear.

Anger boils within, a tempest of the past,

Forgotten wounds and memories amassed.

Each scar is a story, etched upon my soul,

The pain of neglect, taking its toll.

In childhood's grip, I was left to roam,

A turbulent sea, without a guiding home.

Thrown to the winds, abandoned in the storm,

My innocence shattered, emotions forlorn.

Betrayed by trust, in a world so cold,

Left to navigate, a path I couldn't hold.

My heart, a battleground, torn apart by strife,

In the chaos of my mind, I fight for life.

The shadows of trauma, haunt my days,

Fueling the fire of my turbulent ways.

Raised on neglect, a hunger for love,

But every embrace felt like a push and a shove.

In the labyrinth of emotions, I lost my way,

Trapped in the darkness, night turned to day.

The pain of abandonment, a relentless ache,

In the depths of despair, my heart did break.

BPD, they label me, a disorder they claim,

But it's the scars of my past that fuel this flame.

So let me rage, let me scream and cry,

For the girl inside who was left to die.

I'll reclaim my power, rise from the dust,

For beneath the pain, lies strength and trust.

Though the wounds may linger, deep and sore,

I'll heal with each step, I'll rise once more.

For in my anger, I find my voice,

And in reclaiming my past, I make my choice.

No longer defined by the scars I bear,

I'll rewrite my story, with love and care.

For the teenage girl within, she'll find her way,

Through the darkness of night, to the light of day.

[alicelilwolf]

Celestial Whispers in the Night: Love's Eternal Symphony

"This is my poem based on the timeless dance of Nyx Goddess of Night and Erebus God of Darkness , where the night sky serves as their eternal stage. Their divine bond breaks through limitations, infusing the darkness with an unparalleled symphony of passion. It's a poignant reminder that love, despite the vastness of the cosmos, radiates brilliantly, reaching into the depths of our very being."

In the velvety cloak of night, where shadows dance and dreams take flight,

There lies a tale of love profound, where stars in their celestial bound,

Are not just specks that twinkle bright, but beings of ethereal might,

Guided by Nyx, the Goddess fair, in her arms, they weave and care.

Erebus, in his depths so deep, where darkness reigns and secrets keep,

Stands as the canvas, vast and grand, where Nyx paints her love unplanned,

With every flicker, every gleam, a testament to love’s sweet dream,

In the embrace of cosmic sight, their passion ignites, infinite and bright.

Each star a kiss from Nyx’s lips, each constellation a lover's grips,

As they wander through Erebus' domain, hand in hand, amidst the plane,

Their love a beacon, bold and true, in the endless expanse of blue,

Where time dissolves and space expands, they dance among the starry bands.

Oh, how they whirl in cosmic trance, in the eternal lovers' dance,

Nyx and Erebus, bound as one, beneath the moon and blazing sun,

Their love a force that cannot wane, in the universe's grand domain,

For in the stars, their story's told, in every twinkle, love unfolds.

So, let us gaze upon the night, behold the stars, aglow so bright,

And see within their radiant gleam, the love of Nyx and Erebus, supreme.

For in their celestial embrace, we find a glimpse of timeless grace,

A love that spans eternity, in the vastness of the night sky's sea.

[alicelilwolf]

can you shut the fuck up

excuse me? whats your problem with anything I've posted hmm?

[alicelilwolf]

I wrote this poem to touch on what I experienced in my childhood and teen years that led to me developing and being diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

Echoes of a Lost Childhood

Damn right I'm angry,

At the ghosts of my past,

I was too young to carry

Such burdens that last.

Children should laugh,

And dance in the sun,

But I bore the weight

Of what should've been shunned.

Don't tell me it shaped me,

I know that too well,

I could've been carefree,

Instead, I was compelled.

The protectors, they faltered,

Left me to fend,

Healing can't alter

The wounds that won't mend.

Damn right I'm angry,

For youth stolen away,

No amount of solace

Can bring back those days.

[alicelilwolf]

Symphony of Chaos: Embracing the Dance Within

In the depths of my heart, emotions dance a wild tango,

Two spectrums entwined, a tempest within my soul,

Histrionic passions and Borderline's untamed flow,

A symphony of chaos, a kaleidoscope I behold.

In the spotlight's allure, I seek to find my place,

Histrionic whispers beckon, craving attention's embrace,

A whirlwind of drama, emotions on display,

Yet behind the curtain, a deeper longing holds sway.

Borderline's rollercoaster, an unpredictable ride,

Storms of intensity, crashing waves of pride,

One moment adored, the next feeling cast aside,

Frantic efforts to grasp love, like a desperate tide.

In a world of extremes, where emotions know no bounds,

Histrionic dreams soar high, but hidden pain surrounds,

Seeking validation, applause, and a love profound,

Yet the fear of abandonment is the constant background.

My identity shifts, a chameleon's disguise,

Lost between two worlds, where reality defies,

In moments of emptiness, my spirit softly cries,

Yearning for stability, a safe haven where love lies.

Amid the turmoil, a glimmer of hope I hold,

Through therapy's grace, healing's story unfolds,

To embrace vulnerability, to stand bold,

A journey of self-discovery, a tale yet untold.

In the dance of these disorders, I find my grace,

Learning to embrace both shadows and embrace,

Seeking harmony within, seeking a calmer space,

Transforming the storm's symphony to a gentle embrace.

Though the road may be rugged, I am not defined,

By the labels that haunt, or the emotions that bind,

I'll rise above the chaos, with strength I'll remind,

That within this complex soul, a true light will shine.

[alicelilwolf]

Symphony of Souls: A Tapestry Unfurled

In the depths of my mind's vast expanse,

A symphony of souls, a delicate dance,

Autism's hues, bright stars that align,

Borderline's emotions, a labyrinth entwined.In the kaleidoscope of thoughts I hold,

A tapestry woven, stories untold,

A journey through realms, both near and far,

Different facets of a singular star.

Autism's embrace, a world of my own,

Where patterns and rhythms have beauty sown,

Through focused eyes, I see the unseen,

Infinite wonders in the mundane routine.

But beyond this realm, emotions collide,

Borderline's waves, a tempest inside,

A tumultuous ride, the heart's stormy sea,

One moment calm, the next, breaking free.

And in the corners, another spirit resides,

Dissociative whispers, where identities hide,

A fragmented past, in fragments they dwell,

Guarding the memories they know too well.

In the mosaic of selves that I become,

I seek solace and peace, a place to belong,

Though the world may seem chaotic and loud,

Within my heart, a yearning profound.

Yet, within the chaos, I find strength and grace,

Through every struggle, I find my place,

A warrior's spirit, fierce and true,

Navigating oceans, skies, and the blue.

Embracing the colors that make me whole,

The highs and lows that shape my soul,

Autism's brilliance, Borderline's tide,

Dissociative shadows, they do not divide.

In the tapestry of life, I find my part,

An intricate masterpiece, a work of art,

With each thread I weave, I rise above,

A symphony of selves, a symphony of love.

[alicelilwolf]

Threads of Resilience: Living with BPD

A tapestry woven, an intricate masterpiece,

In every stitch, a story of pain and release,

BPD's presence, like a tempest within,

A rollercoaster ride of emotions, a tumultuous spin.

Emotions dance like threads of silk,

A symphony of colors, both vibrant and dark,

Each hue a reflection of my soul's will,

To navigate the chaos, to ignite the spark.

In the depths of despair, I once lost my way,

But through self-awareness, I've found the day,

To face the shadows, to embrace the strife,

Harmonizing the chaos, reclaiming my life.

With DBT's tools, I forge my path,

I mend the fragments, I conquer wrath,

In each session's embrace, I learn to thrive,

As I journey inward, feeling alive.

The twists and turns, the hurdles I face,

In the labyrinth of emotions, I find my grace,

With each step forward, I persist,

In the face of the storm, I fiercely resist.

For within this heart's diversity,

I unearth a strength, a force within me,

BPD may weave its intricate thread,

But resilience, my companion, it's not easily misled.

I embrace the gift of feeling deeply,

To embrace my truth, my soul completely,

In this tapestry of life, I find clarity,

And empower myself, unveiling my rarity.

So let this tale of resilience be heard,

A symphony of courage, each note concurred,

With every thread, a victory unfolds,

I rise, I thrive, my spirit, it beholds.

[alicelilwolf]

Lilith The Mother of Demons

Darkness reigns where Lilith wanders, Queen of demons, goddess of night, Infernal beauty, soulless ponder, A power that turns day into blight. With fiery eyes and raven's hair, A smile that melts the bravest heart, Her presence makes the dead aware, Of pain and suffering they impart. Above all others she inspires fear, For she is power, she is might, All bow, when her name they hear, For Lilith rules the darkest night. She is the mother of all succubi, Her daughters swarm the earth in lust, Their power, her ultimate decree, For Lilith is the one they trust. So beware the dark queen's call, For her grasp is stronger than steel, Once you've answered, you'll enthrall, And forever be under her ethereal seal.

(I'm a Pagan high priestess and practice Demonolatry and worship Lady Lilith on a regular basis)

[alicelilwolf]

(In this poem I depict Mother Nature's profound sorrow amid humanity's relentless destruction in this poem. I convey her love and mercy through vivid imagery, cradling displaced children amidst human indifference. As the author, I guide readers through a symphony of woe, emphasizing Mother Nature's silent plea for understanding and highlighting a resilient strength that holds the key to a potential rebirth, inviting reflection on the impact of human actions on our fragile world.)

Eternal Tears: Nature's Lament

In the garden of existence, where life takes its breath, Mother Nature weeps, a silent dance with death. Beneath the moonlit canopy, she stands with heavy heart, Observing as her children tear the world apart.

Her emerald gown, once vibrant, now stained with despair, As rivers weep in sorrow, whispering tales of care. Mountains crumble, oceans mourn, yet still, she bears the weight, Of humanity's indifference, sealing a tragic fate.

The breeze, a gentle plea, caresses wounded trees, Their leaves like tear-streaked pages, recounting silent pleas. In the echo of the wind, a lament for what's been lost, Mother Nature's tears fall softly, a river's endless cost.

Her forests, once cathedrals, now echo with the cries, Of creatures displaced, innocence in their eyes. Yet, she cradles them with warmth, despite the raging storm, A love that knows no bounds, a healing touch so warm.

Amidst the smog-filled heavens, where stars once brightly gleamed, She watches as the world forgets, consumed by its own dream. But in the darkest hour, a whisper through the trees, A voice of ancient wisdom, a plea carried on the breeze.

"Children of my heart, why must you break the ties? The dance of life we share, beneath the azure skies." Still, she shields them from the tempest, offers love despite the pain, A mother's boundless mercy, enduring like the rain.

Beneath the concrete jungles, where progress marks its stride, Mother Nature bleeds, yet cradles life inside. The oceans, once pristine, now bear the scars of greed, Yet within their depths, a heartbeat, a plea to intercede.

For every flower trampled, for every creature lost, Her love remains unyielding, a bridge across the frost. In the twilight of destruction, a glimmer in her eye, A hope that springs eternal, a phoenix set to fly.

Oh, Mother Nature weeps, a symphony of woe, Yet in her tears, a resilience, a strength that continues to grow. She watches, and she weeps, but still, she holds the key, To a world reborn from ashes, a love that's ever free.

[alicelilwolf]

In The Depth of My Mind

(A poem I wrote to explain DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) as someone who has it)

In the depths of one's soul, a puzzle lies, Dissociative identity disorder, a truth we must realize. Within this mind, a family takes shape, An intricate dance of alters, each with their own cape. The gatekeepers stand guard at the mind's gates, Controlling access, deciding who participates. Persecutors, the shadows that cause inner strife, Their purpose, perhaps protection, a confusing life. Protectors emerge, with strength and care, Shielding from trauma, burdens they bear. Physical protectors guard the body's domain, Shielding from harm, reducing the pain. Sexual protectors shield from dark desire, A tender role they play, and emotions they may acquire. And then come the Littles, innocent and young, Childlike wonders, in a world yet unsung. The host bears the weight of this brigade, Navigating life's tumultuous cascade. Co-host lends a hand, a partner in this fight, Together they endure, seeking respite. A young woman with this plight, A constant struggle, day and night. But know this, my dear, my strength is vast, Love and understanding can make time last. Through empathy and care, hand in hand, You'll face the trials, as a united band. With patience and support, you'll find your way, Facing each challenge, come what may.

[alicelilwolf]

The DID labyrinth

(A poem I wrote about DID)

In the depths of consciousness, a labyrinth resides, Dissociative identities, distinct yet intertwined, Gatekeepers stand guard, protecting the core, Shielding memories, emotions they store. Protectors emerge when darkness descends, Facing fears and traumas, they courageously defend, Persecutors, once adversaries within, Learn to heal and forgive, from anguish break free, they begin. Littles, innocent and pure, like whispers of the past, Their laughter and tears a reminder, shadows they cast, Host, bearing the weight of this intricate array, Struggling to navigate, to find a steady way. Co-hosts share the load, an intertwined duality, Striving to unify the voices in harmonious totality, Through the tangled maze, they wander and strive, A symphony of souls, seeking to thrive. Yet, the burden they carry, is unfathomable and vast, Living with this disorder, a relentless contrast, From one moment to the next, the self can change, A kaleidoscope of identities, a life rearranged. Struggling to grasp the sense of time and space, Yearning for solace, in the chaos they embrace, Each alter a mirror, reflecting a different hue, Living with this disorder, is an arduous journey to pursue. Through empathy and understanding, let's extend a hand, To those who face this battle, on shifting sands, For in the depth of their being, resilience does reside, In unity and support, they'll find a path to stride.

[alicelilwolf]

'Shadows Embraced'

Here is a poem I wrote based on women embracing darkness after being failed and betrayed by the light of the world/ society

In shadows deep, where light once danced, A tale unfolds, of women entranced. They walked the path of daylight's grace, Yet found betrayal in its fleeting embrace.

Once bathed in beams, so pure and bright, They soared on wings of radiant light. But as the sun sank beyond the hill, A darkness whispered, an eerie thrill.

Betrayed by beams that promised day, These women chose a different way. Embracing shadows, a cloak profound, They sought solace where silence is found.

In moonlit realms and starlit skies, They found strength in the night's disguise. No longer bound by the deceit of day, They ventured where shadows held sway.

Their eyes reflected the midnight hues, As they embraced darkness, and gently bruise, The wounds of promises, once so bright, Now healed in the solace of the night.

A sisterhood formed in the obsidian abyss, They discovered power in the shadow's kiss. No longer prisoners of the betrayed light, They blossomed in the stillness of the night.

In the tapestry of shadows woven, Their resilience and grace were proven. For in the darkness, a strength unveiled, By women who thrived when the light failed.

[alicelilwolf]

Echoes Amidst Chaos

**This is a poem I wrote about what it is like having DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)**

How do I explain a chorus of voices? Each with its own terrain Navigating a labyrinth, where memories are slain Shattered existence, like a fragile window pane.

How do I explain the Cacophony of selves? A kaleidoscopic domain Lost in the maze, trying to find the main.

How do I explain Judgmental stares? Stigma's cruel campaign. Painting portraits of misunderstanding and disdain. Fighting against misconceptions. A constant strain.

How do I explain Emotional storms? A relentless hurricane Turbulent seas of sorrow, an endless, engulfing rain.

How do I explain World's misconceptions? A relentless refrain Longing for empathy, not the world's disdain.

How do I explain Beyond the media's lens? A truth to ascertain Yearning for understanding, not skepticism's chain Tell me,

How do I explain Dissociative Identity Disorder's intricate terrain?

[alicelilwolf]

Dear lover,

(This is a poem I wrote for my fiance to help him understand that when I act a certain way it's because of my borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder)

Dear lover, Love me as a whole. I will give you my soul. When we get into a small fight, The fear that you will leave me feels right. When you say something I don't like, I want to say, "Take a hike."Baby, please stay. Accept my fear. Please, don't shed a tear. Dear lover, If you make even the smallest mistake, My heart may break. I may try to push you away once more. But please, understand what I am doing it for. Give me some space. When I forgive you, I will race, Race right into your loving caress. My next episode is our best guess. Together we can beat my borderline. Working as a team, We'll be just fine. Dear lover, Some days, I may forget what I believe in. My values may temporarily stray. But soon, I will awake. My identity can never permanently break. I will cherish the love we share. I will breathe it in like the air. Dear lover, Like my identity, my emotions can flip. It may not take much for me to tip. One second, I will be in a state of bliss. The next second, I may look at you and hiss. You might not know the cause. Simply understand that emotional struggle is one of my flaws. Know that it is not you. It is everything that I have been through. Loving me may be rough. Remember to let the love I give you be enough. Dear lover, Be honest with me, Just the way you should be.X I trust you with all of my being. This scares me so much I feel like fleeing. I may try so hard to keep you that I wind up losing you. Instead, please work with me to resolve the anxious things I do clearly and firmly. In time, I will learn. I will learn that anxiety is not my friend. Not if I want to be with you until the end. Dear lover, Love me as a whole. I give you my heart and soul. I trust you with all of my being. This scares me so much I feel like fleeing. I will try to push you away. Baby, please stay. I cherish the love we share. I breathe it in like the air.

[alicelilwolf]

Heretic

In shadows cast by family ties,

A daughter's heart, a pariah's cries.

A tale unfolds, in verses draped,

Of trials faced, in darkness shaped.

"My whole heart," a weight inside,

Measured, deemed, and cast aside.

An old scar, an attempt to bleach,

Yet the stain of judgment does reach.

Deemed a crime, her heart on trial,

Waiting for redemption, mile by mile.

A heretic in the family's eyes,

In the rhythm of judgment, the pariah lies.

"Am I making sense?" she questions deeply,

In the silence of judgment, secrets seep.

How can truth stick in this cruel dance?

Waiting for the beat, she takes a chance.

A heretic, a child out of line,

In the family's narrative, a story is malign.

On trial, she stands, waiting for release,

For the beat of understanding, the melody of peace.

Miles away, her thoughts entwine,

A weary soul, tired of the familial line.

Crawling through judgments, fatigue sets in,

Yet she persists, the battle within.

"I'm not beat up by this yet,

Regret won't bind, nor will I forget."

In the dark since the day they met,

Fire, be the guide, help her to forget.

Chained and shackled in familial scorn,

Graveled path, a heretic born.

A pity they declare, never to return,

Yet in her heart, a flicker, a yearning. Burned but not buried, she rises again,

Tried and tested, scars etched like a pen.

Trying to reach out, in darkness and doubt,

Her whole heart, a flame, yearning to sprout.

A heretic's journey, a soul unrestrained,

In the rhythm of trials, resilience is maintained.

Ooh, the echoes of a pariah's plea,

In the symphony of pain, a yearning to be free.

[alicelilwolf]

Stairs of Solace

(This poem is about a young girl sitting at the top of the stairs listening to her parents fight and is waiting to see if she will have to step in)

At the stair's summit, shadows dance, A girl perched high, in a quiet trance. Between wooden slats, she glimpses a fray, A hushed exchange, where words betray.

Whispers crawl, a tempest's rise, Crimson ember in her hazel eyes. A silent witness to the strained refrain, The heaviness of strife, an unseen chain.

Tears, unshed, cling to lashes long, A melody of pain in the night's dark song. In the silence, the house breathes deep, Echoing secrets it can't help but keep.

The staircase cradles her in its ascent, Each step is a journey, a hesitant vent. Cold air lingers, a taste of unease, She listens, patient, beneath the eaves.

Worn carpet fibers beneath her fingers, She traces patterns, where memory lingers. Through the keyhole, fractured light, A kaleidoscope of a fractured fight.

A tableau painted with muted hues, The air grows thick, like morning dew. Thunderous murmurs, a tempest brewing, In the dim-lit hall, she's left viewing.

Yet, amidst the chaos, resilience grows, As night unfolds, its secrets expose. Her presence a balm, a silent prayer, A daughter poised in the heart's despair.

A sentinel of hope in the muted gloom, Her silhouette a quiet bloom. Stoic as the stairs beneath her feet, She waits, deciding, in silent feat.

For intervention calls upon her grace, An uncharted role in this quiet space. In the ebb and flow of parental clash, She stands sentinel, a quiet, hopeful ash.

[alicelilwolf]

Draconic Soul

(A poem I wrote about how when women live through trauma, or have any mental health conditions)

In the crucible of life, where shadows dance,

A tale unfolds of strength, of second chance.

In the hearts of women, where dragons reside,

A story untold, in the depths they confide.

Bearing scars unseen, etched in the soul,

Warriors emerge, making brokenness whole.

Through the tempest of trauma, they find their flight,

Silent battles waged in the stillness of night.

A dragon's soul within, fierce and bold,

Yet fragile whispers of stories untold.

In the labyrinth of pain, where echoes linger,

They navigate darkness with fingers that quiver.

With every step, a phoenix may rise,

From the ashes of torment, they reach the skies.

Mental storms may rage, thunderous and loud,

Yet within their essence, a strength unbowed.

Each tear a testament to battles fought,

Silent screams in the echoes of thought.

But in the depths of despair, a fire stirs,

A dragon's soul awakening, as courage recurs.

Through valleys of sorrow and peaks of despair,

They carry the weight, yet refuse to wear

The mantle of victim, for within their core,

A resilience glows, an unquenchable roar.

In the tapestry of scars, a story unfolds,

A saga of triumph, as their spirit molds.

For women with dragons' souls, fierce and wild,

Navigate storms with the heart of a child.

In the canvas of darkness, they paint their own light,

Illuminate shadows with internal might.

For within their being, resilience takes its toll,

And the world witnesses a woman with a dragon's soul.