middle fingers up 'til the reaper shows up

toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart, baby, bang it up inside

[alicnblues]

// pinned navigation. //

BOWEN // bio. interactions. 

FLETCHER // bio. interactions. 

NATASHA // bio. interactions. 

FELIX // bio. interactions. 

ANJALI // bio. interactions.

ARJUN // bio. interactions.

HAYDEN // bio. interactions. 

[alicnblues]

retrocuts​:

“First murders, now mobsters. And here I was under the impression that small towns were supposed to be quiet escapes from all that shit.” Although they kept up their sunny disposition, it was a sad sentiment. It was unlikely they’d admit it to anyone, but Rosario had hoped to find some sort of peace in Shrike Heights after years of hopeless searching and spiraling. If she hadn’t stuck around long enough to get a few attachments in town, she would’ve cut her losses and moved onto the next town at the first sign of real danger. Now she felt almost stuck, waiting to see how this would all play out.

And to keep things on the same sad note, it was upsetting to say the least that they were falling back on old habits. Rather than confront everything that was bothering her, Rosario kept the jokes rolling or found something else to distract themself with. It was unfortunate that said distractions were usually found in the form of parties or drinking a touch too much. Of course, thinking about how they were going backwards only made the need for distract grow, making the whole thing feel like an inescapable cycle.

None of this ever made its way to their seemingly unfazed exterior though. “Bold of you to assume I drink enough water to even notice if the taste is off.” Rosario snorted as they eyed the next shot — hopes and prayers might be the only thing that got them home later tonight. “Maybe it was cyanide and we’re just in some really fucked up, inescapable afterlife now.” She mused, resting her chin on the bar for a moment. “But if that’s not the case, I personally don’t feel like putting forth effort to get to the bottom of this shit since no one else wants to. I can barely make it through my shifts at Karaoke Dokie, there’s no way I can cut it as some sort of P.I.”

///

“I feel bad for anyone who came to Shrike looking for some peace and quiet. They’re definitely not going to get that here.” It used to be a quiet town; when Arjun was growing up, it was front page news whenever there was even something remotely out of place that happened here, but now, there were murders left and right and the investigation barely got any coverage. The whole thing was fishy to Arjun, but that was also way above their pay grade; as far as they were concerned, if the string of murders led to the tear-down of this damn mall, then it was all worth it. It was a jaded way to look at it, sure, but it was the truth that Arjun didn’t dare reveal to anyone. His desire for revenge ran deep. 

Arjun laughed. “Or that there would be enough of a taste to even tell if something was off. I mean, like, water tastes like water, right? It tastes like nothing. If they add something else that tastes like nothing, then no one is going to notice because it’s not like there’s any other taste that’s getting diluted by this theoretical poison.” Arjun was suddenly racking his brain for any bits and pieces of high school chemistry that had stuck around in their head in the hopes that they might actually be able to come up with an example, but to no avail. They had done well in school, and they had even wanted to go to college for pre-med, but their family only had enough money to send one of them to college, and Arjun, as always, had drawn the short straw. Slowly, all that knowledge they had saved up for a rainy day had leaked out. 

He tilted his head thoughtfully, considering Rosario’s proposal. “If this is hell, I wouldn’t be surprised. Like, coming to work in this stupid mall every day in a town that’s plagued by serial killers would be one fucked-up way to torture a whole bunch of people at once. I think you might be onto something there.” 

[alicnblues]

urdamage​:

               jupiter took his connections with other people much too seriously , some might say . it wasn’t that he was particularly serious when it came to the dynamics of his relationships - he was far from a serious person , as much as he knew how to display maturity an adequate amount when the situation called for it - it was just that once he met a person , he was fully prepared to keep them in his life for the rest of his days . he didn’t require people to stay by his side for the duration of their lives - people were free to come and go , to do their own thing , to turn close relationships into something long distance if need be - he just really didn’t like losing connections completely . if a person was good he wanted to always call them a friend , always care for them , always hear from them , no matter what . without a doubt jupiter was hoping his connection with arjun never faltered as arjun was quite frankly one of the best people he had ever known . in fact , arjun was the first good person jupiter encountered in shrike heights and that may have seriously impacted his decision to stay . this wasn’t a fact he shared , instead it was one nestled away safely in the depths of his heart . 

jupiter was as sentimental as he was serious about his connections , and so the fact that arjun had made such a good impression so early on was something he often thought about and would never forget . he used to get such joy from thinking about his early days in shrike and the connection he slowly built with arjun . it was still a very joyful time , it always will be seen as such when jupiter went back through his memories , but there was a degree of heartbreak that came with it now . it was upsetting to lose their closeness , to lose a connection that meant so much to him . he didn’t think he could have done anything to stop what happened , he didn’t think there was anything he could do now to bring them back to what they used to be , but none of those thoughts stopped him from still feeling the sensation of longing . jupiter missed arjun , and he was sure that there would always be an arjun shaped hole in his life until the stars aligned and the two were once again as thick as thieves . at least , that’s what jupiter told himself might happen ; it was what he thought on the nights he felt especially low and he manifested the reality as much as he could for someone who kept the step away from the other in fear of further ruining what was once so beautiful . 

all jupiter could do now was focus energy elsewhere . if arjun wanted to push him away , there was only so much to do in order to try to stop it before he had to give in to save from worsening the situation for the both of them . luckily jupiter was a busy man , one with many interests , many hobbies , many friends , two jobs , the self assigned case of the shrike heights killers and more drive than most other people might exhibit currently in their state of fear and hopelessness . he could fill his time with other experiences and adventures , but still , in a small town he couldn’t avoid someone like arjun completely - not that he found himself wanting to ever avoid or ignore such an important person to him . jupiter worried for all of his loved ones still in shrike heights , arjun included . should anything bad ever happen to them - jupiter wouldn’t be able to handle it , and while his mind was so often on the attacks right now as he wished to solve them and stop them he couldn’t allow himself to think too frequently about the reality and the potential of having loved ones injured or worse . 

it was a rare night for jupiter tonight ; he wasn’t thinking about the crimes plaguing his town and he truthfully wasn’t thinking of anyone other than himself . he sat inside of his apartment in front of his keyboard and he completely lost himself in the music he was creating , his fingers working to fill his apartment with a melody of his own creation ; it wasn’t anything special , but it had potential and jupiter was already thinking up lyric ideas as he progressed with the music . he hadn’t been planning on creating something before he began playing but now hours later he was lost in the activity . his music and his focus taken drowned out the sound of the rock , but thankfully he wasn’t too lost in it to the point where he was unable to hear arjun calling . 

the sound of their voice was easily distinguishable , a voice that jupiter could recognise anywhere , a voice he hadn’t expected to be hearing at his place anytime soon . he didn’t even have time to switch off his keyboard before he jumped out of his seat , rushing to the window and peering out of it until he found arjun and could be sure that it was him . once jupiter could see that it wasn’t his mind playing tricks on him he unlocked his window and he pushed it up and open , leaning his top half out , looking to arjun with a look of confusion mixed with a childish hope that jupiter always possessed . “ arjun , i , what are you doing here ? ” he asked almost in disbelief . it was a shock that his mind couldn’t completely make sense of yet ; he was experiencing such a messy mix of different emotions but overall he was happy to find his friend there . concerned joined his happiness when he noticed the other stumbling and swaying . “ wait , don’t answer that just yet , i’m coming down to get you . wait there for me . ” he moved quickly to shut the window , slip on some beat up converse , grab his keys and rush out the door . he skipped every second step walking down the two flights of stairs it took to make it to the ground level and before he knew it he was bracing the cold to collect arjun , worried for him after realising the state of him .

///

arjun had sort of figured in his head, even if he didn't fully admit it, that when he stopped moving forward, the world stopped moving forward. everything just stayed in place exactly as he left it until he was ready to pick it back up again, which had ended up damaging a lot of previous relationships. he'd go into these spells of depression—nothing so bad as to leave him completely dysfunctional, but just bad enough that he wouldn't be able to do much more than his daily chores that came along with staying alive, and that was exhausting. as a result, he'd withdraw from everyone around him, even the people he cared about, and then it would be months later, and he'd be met with the cold reality that the people he had made solid connections with, for once in his life, had moved on and left him behind. it had happened enough that he called it "the arjun effect:" the unfortunate result of inconsistency and unreliability. it was just another reason why arjun felt he'd be much, much better off alone. it was easier, it was safer, and it saved him so much heartache. arjun didn't want to deal with any more of that.

in years of knowing jupiter, however, the arjun effect had never actually taken hold; they had never been torn asunder by arjun's bouts of depression, because being around jupiter had never been draining. when arjun saw him, it was like his whole world lit up; they felt as though they were finally able to breathe and be themself, even when being themself was the last thing they wanted to be. their friendship had never felt like a chore, but instead like a reward. and it had never been overshadowed by arjun's messed up family dynamics—they had made sure of that. and as a result, their relationship had developed slowly and gracefully, with arjun carefully curating their interactions until it came naturally, and they could open up without fear of jupiter up and leaving. maybe it was the result of growing up in the family they had, but arjun had always felt that to know them was to ruin things, that to be known was not something to be cherished but something to be feared. jupiter had dispelled that irrational fear from arjun's mind, and replaced it with the type of self love that arjun thought they would never find.  

that was why arjun, with a little liquid courage, was able to pluck up the strength to reignite the friendship that had once been the most important relationship in his life. maybe it was naive of them; maybe this was the moment that the arjun effect would fully take hold. all they knew was that they wanted to see him, and they wanted to feel the way they used to feel, sitting at the edge of the lake after a hike, sharing a meal and soaking in the sun. that night, arjun had been gripped with the fear that they might not ever feel that again, and they knew they had to find a way to make this right, or it would be the biggest regret of their life. a few shots of whiskey later, and he was in front of jupiter's building, readying himself to pour his heart out. it was about damn time. arjun knew it was probably too late, but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind, instead focusing on the hope that at least one thing in this damn town didn't have to be ruined by the hellish year they'd all had. at least one thing could stay good.

when jupiter stuck his head out the window, arjun raised his arms in a partial imitation of the rocky pose, grinning. "yes!" they dropped their arms, taking two steps backwards in an effort to keep their balance, which they did—barely. they sighed in relief, settling their weight back into their right hip as they looked up at jupiter with a smile that could rival the sun in brightness—an expression that had been absent from arjun's face for a long, long time. "you're here." they bit down on their lower lip. it already felt like no time had passed at all, that they were just going to fall back into the old routines—back when arjun was on top of things, focused, less of a mess. back when arjun was happy and didn't even realize it. they wrapped their arms around themself in a sort of hug, and they sighed happily once more. even as their vision swam from the liquor, the one thing that remained in focus was jupiter's face. however, when jupiter left the window to come down, all that self doubt came crawling back. you’re no good. he’s going to tell you to fuck off. nothing is ever going to be the same as it was. you’re never going to be that happy again.

but then jupiter came out, and, almost as if it was fate, he wrapped his arms around arjun just as arjun was about to lose his balance, and the cheesy grin came across arjun's face again as he looked up at jupiter. "ferris bueller, you're my hero," he said, imitating the voice from the movie as he regarded jupiter's features for a moment. beautiful was the only word that came to mind, the only one that arjun could think; they may not have said it out loud before, but jupiter was the most beautiful person he had ever met, inside and out. he made a mental note to say nice things more often, to tell jupiter in the whole speech he had prepared about how he was a little shit and he was still working out the pain but he didn't want to do it alone that jupiter was, in fact, beautiful.

he brought a hand up to grip jupiter's arm, thinking to himself that if he were god, and he were to remake the world, he would make it just so and no different.

[alicnblues]

ianfm​:

“I don’t think she’s wrong about that,” Ian said siding with Arjun’s mother on that one. He’d pass on the burnt tasting milk but he did feel better after eating Indian food. It would be good to put some actual fiber in his body. While a lot of his favorite foods were good for the soul but weren’t usually good for his body. “What should we warm up tonight?” Ian asked for his recommendation. The food couldn’t have come at a better time. Dinner would be on their minds soon and Ian wasn’t particularly looking forward to the leftovers sitting in their fridge right now. 

Ian shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve been trying to understand it my whole life,” he admitted. Ian had begrudgingly dragged to more church potlucks than he could count. He was a bit of an expert on the cuisine though it was a specialization he wasn’t particularly proud of having acquired over the years. Ian had suffered through his fair share of upset stomachs from some questionable casseroles or someone’s aunt Susanne’s thirteen layer dip. “I feel like half the recipes just get created out of whatever ingredients happen to be on sale,” he hypothesized. Cheap, quick food was the way of the future… or that’s what the commercials advertised. “Be care of any ‘cream of anything’ you see. Some of them are like edible glue.”

Ian let out a sad little laugh at Arjun’s joke. Most conversations he had with people, especially those randomly showing up at his door like Arjun was headed in this direction and it was a tough conversation he had to have with so many different people and in so many different ways. Life had really changed a whole lot since the time Arjun helped him suffer through complex fractions and science equations. “I doubt they’d ever make a documentary about all this,” he shook his head. The newspapers barely even covered the ongoing investigation that’s plagued this place for nearly a year and with how hard they were trying to sweep all of this under the rug for the sake of business he doubted the team from Unsolved Mysteries would be knocking on his door anytime soon. “But if they do I guess an extra check out of all of this bullshit would be nice.”

///

“I mean, you can’t go wrong with the lamb korma,” he replied. Even the thought of the food was warming him from the inside out. Arjun’s family wasn’t particularly good at outward displays of affection, but one thing they always knew how to do was feed each other. His father said I love you with cut fruit; his mother told him she cared by making his favorite food for dinner. Arjun showed he cared by showing up unannounced carting a metric ton of meals to reheat later, apparently. He always had felt that he was bad at being around others—that he was a bad friend, that he was generally difficult to be around. He realized now it was because he had never actually put in the effort. 

So, this was him, putting in effort, he supposed. It wasn’t a very good effort, if he was being honest with himself, too much too fast, but he was trying and that was what mattered. He was finally letting go of some of the pain that he had been carrying with him. Perhaps it was pain he carried his whole life. He blamed it on the restaurant closing down, but it ran so much deeper than a failing business. It was like he was born with the pain built in, and he had to rework all his internal wiring to free himself of it. “Yeah, sure, but Indian people do that all the time, and it’s never...like that.” Arjun couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t mean to, like, bag on white people, but y’all have got some funny little quirks.” 

Arjun nodded. “Yeah, I mean, it would be dope if you got some cash for your trouble at least. It’s not like anyone around here is doing anything for you or anyone else who’s been hurt.” He took a deep breath. It was difficult to think about, how what used to be his simple life in a quiet town was no longer simple nor quiet; he didn’t want to consider that things would never be the same again, even though he knew, deep down, that they never would be. Shrike had been irrevocably changed by the events of the past year, and only time would tell if they would ever be able to move on. 

[alicnblues]

rebelsrebels​:

. 

Eli loved his sister, probably more than he’d loved his actual parents - whenever things had been difficult or complicated with family, Nat had been there, even when she wasn’t really there, physically. And when Jamie had been born, that was no exception. She was the best aunt, and honestly, probably his son’s favorite person. More than himself, even. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He joked, with a chuckle. “I know you just wanted an excuse to hang out with Jamie. Oh,” He added, holding up a bag. “Figured I’d bring you lunch. Because I’m the best little brother ever.”  That was far from the truth - there were so many ways that he could think of, and probably that he hadn’t even considered, that he’d been kind of a shit brother. But he could make it up now, even if it was just with little things.

///

The Spencer family had seen more than their fair share of hardship. Natasha had always tried to shield her siblings from it as much as she could—when their parents were splitting up, she always made sure to shuttle them off to a part of the house where they couldn’t hear their parents fighting. When her father was struggling to manage three kids and a waning acting career, Natasha was the one who put food on the table. And when she went to college, she always had the intention of coming back. 

California, however, was hot and dry, and she was happy wherever her family ended up, even if it was a town overrun with murderers. She made a goofy face at Jamie, who erupted into peals of bubbling laughter. It was nice to know that even amidst all their family pain, they could fid something good. “I have no other data points, so I can’t say that you’re the best, but this puts you in the top tier for sure,” she teased. Eli had always been something of a black sheep in their family, and as hard as Nat had tried to keep him on the straight and narrow, he was, in the end, his own person. All she could do was be there for him. 

[alicnblues]

rebelsrebels​:

Max popped the skittles in his mouth and grinned. Even though he knew technically, he shouldn’t be stealing, it felt like.. Something he was actually good at. And something Bowen would never be better at than him because she probably didn’t do it at all. 

“I could probably steal a jacket from my dad.” Max’s dad had a plethora of jackets, including a big trench coat, although that one seemed just too obvious. “You’re a goddamn genius, you know.” She really was, to him at least. Junipero was just.. Cool. Like, it didn’t even seem like she had to try to be. “This town is so fucking boring, I don’t even know how someone like you would even end up here.”

///

Juni had spent a long time trying to atone for her mother’s sins—trying to be a different person than she was. She had been taught to be light-fingered from a young age, had been told that it was okay to steal as long as the people she was stealing from deserved it, as long as she needed it. 

Along the way, it stopped being about the need and became about the want. She wanted something, anything, to pull her out of her current state of being and out of the hatred she had for this place. She wanted to be able to feel something other than despair and regret. 

“Ah, well, that long and sordid story starts in San Juan and goes nowhere good,” she said with a wave of her hand. “My aunt and uncle live here, and I ended up with them when I was 15. Haven’t really been able to get out of here since.” 

[alicnblues]

malakaism​:

maybe from time to time, malakai whole-heartedly deserved a lecture. after all, if anyone would get through to him, it’d probably be hayden. but even that burned at the wicks end and deemed to be useless. malakai was rather stubborn and very stuck in his depressing, self deprecating and sabotage ways.  still, it didn’t mean that kai held back the enormous fit when hayden was a city too far away. he needed the lectures. the stories. the comfort. all of it. he just… would rather be caught dead than actually admit it. 

“told you forever ago that sticking around me is a waste of time,” kai defended with a smirk peering on his lips. despite all of the blonde’s trust issues, the older had definitely earned it by now. even when he was miles away, hayden still managed to be there. he was a lifesaver on more than one account for various of reasons… which again, kai would never speak of aloud. “i’m not trying to be mean. you just caught me on an off day,” then again, every day was typically off. but at least today could be slightly better as he sipped on the coffee. better merely because of the beverage, of course, and not due to hayden’s presence. 

///

hayden had poured all his energy into taking care of others and helping them deal with their problems. he was the kind of person who flitted in and out of people’s lives at the most difficult points—a bad breakup, a loss, a period of instability. he’d been through enough of all of those to know how to deal with them properly. then, when the other person had dealt with whatever it was and then turned their attention on hayden, he’d disappear. maybe that was why he had managed to stay close with kai for so long—kai had never tried to probe too hard with hayden. he understood that hayden, like kai, had carefully constructed his walls and wasn’t willing to tear them down, even for a surrogate family. 

“please, how could i miss out on lovely interactions like this?” he asked with a cheeky grin. he knew he was pushing his luck, but he had done so plenty of times before with kai and it always turned out okay. they’d had fights and pushed each other away, but in the end, they were bonded by something stronger than blood. “every day is an off day for you,” he pointed out. “it’s part of your charm. it’s like when people have mean cats, you know?” he took a swig of his coffee. “come on, now, spill. what’s got you in such a sour mood this time?” 

[alicnblues]

malakaism​:

there was a scoff that left the blonde, moving his hands out of the comfort of the pockets from his leather jacket and holding them up as some sort of truce. while malakai could most definitely be an asshole at times and been in his fair share of fights more than he could count, hurting people for fun wasn’t what he took pleasure in. shortly after, the blonde plopped his hands back into the security of the pockets, holding nothing but a pack of cigs rather than something harmful. “might be judgy, but least i’m not on edge,” he accused, shaking his head slightly. 

blue hues flickered back to the… painting that hadn’t had much done to it for what fletcher seemed to explain hours had gone by. “ahh.. this is the part where i’m supposed to … refrain from making fun of you, yeah?” he questioned, a hand moving to comb through his tangled curls. “i mean, seriously, all day and… nothing? and now it’s night.. and this is what you got?” malakai questioned, gaze linked back on the other male. “not to mention you picked a shit place to try to get muse. i’d be bored as fuck trying to paint buildings too,”

///

“have you seen this town? everyone’s on edge. i wouldn’t be surprised if all these little old ladies were carrying .38 specials in their giant purses.” fletcher was just about ready to give up on painting for the evening—it was clear that if he was willing to try and convince a stranger that a paintbrush was a weapon, then it was probably time to pack it in. there was always tomorrow, right? to fletcher, however, it seemed that tomorrow might just be more of the same, awful lack of inspiration that he had been feeling ever since he showed up in town. 

though, now that he was looking more at the other person, he couldn’t help but feel something flicker to life in the back of his mind. “wait,” he said, cocking his head to the side. “you mind standing still for a second?” he lifted his palette again, using one hand and his foot to pivot the easel enough that he could get a better look at kai. fletcher had always had his best inspiration painting people, anyways. without waiting for the other to affirm what he asked, he squinted one eye to judge the size and proportions of malakai’s face before starting to sketch out the underlying architecture of his face with a deep, warm brown. 

[alicnblues]

rebelsrebels​:

.

Suddenly, Max felt a little defensive of Shrike Heights as a whole. Sure, he thought it was as shit as Bowen did, but at the same time, it felt like something that belonged to him. He’d been there first, and here was Bowen, waltzing in like she understood it, when she’d been here less than a year. He wanted to snap at her, something about why she was even here, if she thought it was so bad, but he bit his tongue.

“Yeah,” He said. “I heard.” Everyone working at the mall knew, why was she acting like he was out of the loop or something? “But getting rid of the mall probably wouldn’t get of the killers, y’know. They’d just start attacking.. I dunno, people at fucking Pizza Time. Anyway, the mall isn’t even so bad.” There was an edge to his voice, just barely, but still there - honestly, he wouldn’t be happy, if the mall was condemned. He’d worked hard.. Or, at least, he’d worked a little bit, to keep his job at Showtime, and it would suck to lose that. Plus, it wasn’t a bad place to hang out.

//

“Of course you heard. I’m just still, like, shaken up about it, you know? It’s the first time someone I’m actually friends with got hurt.” She sighed, taking the joint from him and inhaling deeply, hoping that the buzz would kill some of the anxiety she was feeling—though, it was far more likely to heighten it, if she was being honest with herself. She was really just looking for whatever escape she could find from the grim realities of living in town now. 

She looked over at him. “You’re probably right. It’s just fucking frustrating, dude, like...there’s nothing we can do, y’know? I wish there was something we could do.” Bowen was the type of person who took action. She wasn’t used to just sitting on her hands and waiting for someone else to take care of the problem, but in the case of Shrike, that was what she had to do. “And of course, the police won’t tell us a damn thing. Couldn’t they at least, like, clue us in on something?” She paused. “Though, that would mean cluing in the killers, too. Fuck, man, I hate it. I loved coming here in the summers when we were kids, and now it’s gotten so goddamn bleak.” 

[alicnblues]

dollyjensen​:

dolly  had  a  lot  going  on  in  her  life  right  now,  a  lot  of  troublesome  issues  and  terrifying  fears  that  took  most  of  her  energy  to  deal  with. she  wasn’t  special  -  she  was  sure  everyone  else  in  shrike  heights  felt  similar  -  but  regardless,  that  was  the  position  she  was  in  and  she  was  trying  her  hardest  to  feel  it  a  healthy  amount  yet  not  be  totally  consumed  by  it. she  didn’t  want  how  she  felt  because  of  the  attacks  to  be  debilitating,  she  didn’t  want  it  to  be  so  pressing  that  she  couldn’t  spend  any  time  focusing  on  everything  else  going  on  around  her  -  such  as  late  night  evacuations  in  her  apartment  building.

 it  had  been  concerning  at  the  time  as  dolly  didn’t  want  anyone  or  anything  harmed  in  a  fire,  but  she  -  unlike  other  neighbours,  apparently  -  didn’t  hold  a  grudge,  in  fact,  she  understood. on  the  odd  occasion  dolly  herself  left  pies  in  the  oven  until  they  resembled  coal  more  than  the  golden  brown  pastry  they  were  made  off,  so  who  was  she  to  blame?  she  wouldn’t  have  slammed  the  door  in  his  face  but  regardless  she  enjoyed  hayden’s  spiel  very  much  as  it  was  given.

 “thank  you,  i  appreciate  the  apology.”  he  really  didn’t  have  to  go  to  the  effort,  but  that  was  part  of  why  dolly  was  so  appreciative. the  treat  and  the  card  weren’t  necessary,  but  she  accepted  them  regardless. “it  happens  to  the  best  of  us. i  bake  all  the  time  and  even  i  sometimes  wind  up  with  a  kitchen  full  of  smoke.”  she  offered  the  detail  as  she  didn’t  want  him  feeling  bad  over  an  accident. “if  you  ever  need  an  oven  tutorial,  though,  i’d  be  happy  to  assist. it  was  kind  of  chilly  out.”  her  teasing  was  a  continuation  of  her  attempt  to  make  him  feel  better  about  what  happened,  but  her  offer  was  genuine.

///

“seriously? that’s a relief, man, i thought i was the only one.” he paused. “though, i have to say, my failures are a lot, lot greater in number than my successes. one time, i thought i managed to make meatloaf, but it was just fucking, like, raw in the middle.” he paused. “you know, i’m really glad you said that, because i’m in desperate need of some help.” home-cooked meals had been few and far between after he ended up in the foster system. hayden had never had someone teach him how to do things, and somehow, following cookbooks felt more like deciphering ancient runes than actually looking at a list of instructions.

hayden had a way of pushing himself into people’s lives without even realizing it. most of the time, he disappeared before the connection could go any deeper, but he was making a concerted effort not to let that happen in shrike. it was difficult, considering everything that was going on, but most of the time people followed his logic that it would be pretty stupid for him to be something of a public figure locally while also committing atrocious crimes—wouldn’t criminals want to keep a low profile? still, he could understand if his neighbors didn’t want an association with the fire-alarm-guy.

[alicnblues]

rebelsrebels​:

.

“Wait-” Sami said, suddenly acutely aware that he’d recognized Hayden’s voice from somewhere, and now that he knew exactly where that was. “Not true, you’ve got at least one listener.” He had a habit of putting on the radio when he couldn’t sleep, or if he woke up early, or really any spare time he had, so he had listened to most of the shows. “I’m not always up that early, but when I am I usually do, so..” He was blushing again. Fuck.  

He accepted the joint and took a drag, hoping it would distract him from.. Well, the whole situation, and he could just be chill about it. Handing it back, he leaned down, flipping through the milk crates. There were a few records in there that Sami didn’t even have himself, and he prided himself in owning just about any album he could think of. “Pretty, um. Nice collection you’ve got.” 

///

“No way, the handsome pizza guy is a fan?” Hayden fanned himself dramatically. “Be still my heart.” Still, he couldn’t help but grin at the thought that he had at least one person out there who liked his show, as disjointed and messy as it could get. He supposed it would be easier if he just stuck to the music, but he couldn’t help but add his stupid opinions on the town happenings any time he could. 

He still was grinning as he pressed the joint against his lips to take another deep drag. “Thanks. Been collecting for years, now. Back when I was in Denver, I didn’t have any friends, and I spent all my time and money hunting for new music.” He gestured vaguely in there. “I’m pretty sure I even have a few 45s and tapes scattered around in there, too. Literally anything I can get my hands on.” 

[alicnblues]

horrorbxby​:

open  starter  ;  ft.  soren  chen.

location  ;  shrike  mall  parking  lot.

@shrikestart​​

soren  is  thankful  for  spring.  now  that  the  weather  is  warming  up  and  the  snow  is  turning  to  slush,  the  paths  are  much  easier  to  skate  on.  their  throat  burns  in  the  frigid  weather,  the  cold  stinging  their  eyes  as  they  slow  to  a  stop  and  pick  up  their  board.  upon  noticing  the  strangers  gaze,  she  holds  it  up  for  them  to  see.  “ this  is  one  i  painted  myself.  pretty  dope,  right ? ” 

///

bowen skidded to a stop next to soren, gracefully kicking up their board to show off next to soren’s. “and they did this one, too,” she added with a grin, tracing the outline of the design with her fingertips. “by far the coolest board i’ve ever owned, and that includes the one tony hawk gave me.” bowen nudged soren with her shoulder. “tony hawk’s got nothing on you, dude.” 

[alicnblues]

urdamage​:

               leaf nodded his head as he listened to the other person talking , truly interested and truly taking in everything he said due to that . it was always interesting , listening to someone else’s story , opinions or experiences when they had lived a very different life to that of leaf’s , and leaf certainly believed that fletcher’s nomadic past was very different from his own experience of only living in the one small town for the past twenty-two years . “ i understand what you’re saying , yeah . ” he nodded his head with a little smile . he liked the way fletcher spoke about places , liked the way he spoke of ‘ falling in love ’ with somewhere . leaf took a moment to think about shrike heights and his own feelings for the place ; he couldn’t say he was in love with the town , but he couldn’t picture himself ever falling in love with somewhere else . perhaps he would fall in love with shrike heights one day , or maybe he would continue to feel a lack of love just as he did with every other aspect of his life … as soon as their thoughts fell into that territory they did everything they could to quickly move past them . 

“ uh huh , that’s where we are . we own a lot of those farms out there , almost all of the land really , the showgrounds too , that’s our territory . there are a couple of smaller private farms out that way and we have agreements that allow the town to utilise the showgrounds as they please - as long as they’re ethical about it - but it’s all us . ” leaf easily began to describe the set up out there , the commune being the one thing they knew best . “ i’m surprised you didn’t pass through there on your way to the main town of shrike . we get a lot of travellers ; some stay , most move on . ” one of those travellers at one point happened to be fletcher’s mother , but leaf was yet to gain enough information to make the realisation that he was talking to her son out here in the cold today . “ i spend a lot of my time in town but out with the commune will always be my favourite place in the world , i think . ” the people there were far from perfect , but they were a lot of the best people he had ever known . leaf’s feelings for the commune were also conflicted at times , but he had never been anywhere better . 

the thought of leaving shrike heights was unnerving , even though the town contained so much brutality right now . fletcher’s encouragement was nice , endearing even , but leaf wasn’t sure that would be enough to get him out . “ well if i ever do venture out , i think i would have to take you up on the offer of being a travel buddy , but i don’t know if i’m capable of it just yet . ” he admitted sheepishly . “ i’d be too scared to go out on my own , but i think at this point i was be too scared to go out no matter who was with me . ” leaf was an incredibly honest person , and while at times that could be problematic as they had definitely overshared or said the wrong thing at the wrong time , it meant that they possessed such a raw , rare , natural vulnerability . that was how they were so quick to admit their feelings , as embarrassing as they might have been . 

“ as terrible as it might be for the environment , ” leaf mused to begin with , following fletcher in sighing a sigh of relief once the warmth hit them . “ i think i’ll let this one slide due to how inhumanely cold it is outside . ” he chuckled . “ what would you like ? i can order and you can find us a table , if the company hasn’t gotten too much for you yet . ” they were laughing again , but this time in a sheepish manner . they were aware that they weren’t everyone’s cup of tea , but they certainly enjoyed their time with fletcher and they hoped the feeling was mutual . “ this place has the best options , better than double shot in the mall . this place has always bought a lot of our produce , they make the best pastries out of it all - oh , and they were the first in town to introduce soymilk . ” though it mightn’t have been important to fletcher , leaf greatly appreciated that at least one place in shrike heights cared to keep up with the newest - most often argued as the strangest - products that aided people with dietary preferences or restrictions . leaf was a vegetarian , and while he wasn’t completely vegan he did feel better drinking soy milk rather than cow’s milk , no matter how strangely the other customers in the store usually looked at him for it . 

///

good listeners were hard to come by. most of the people fletcher met were only silent to wait for their turn to talk. it was rare to come across someone who didn’t keep their mouth shut out of a necessity to allow the other person to continue a conversation, but instead out of a genuine desire to learn more about the other person. he could tell that leaf was one of these rare people, and he couldn’t help but feel impressed. he made a mental note to exchange contact information with leaf—if there was anyone around town who would know the ins and outs of this place, it was the kid who seemed to spend more of his time listening than talking. maybe he’d have some knowledge on where his mom might have ended up—or, at least, know who would have that knowledge. “its hard, though. like, i don’t know if people actually fall in love with places, or if that’s just something we tell ourselves when we’re comfortable enough not to keep moving.” fletcher had never felt that comfort. he hoped he could find it, one day, but he feared that it would never happen. 

he grinned as he listened to leaf talk about the commune. he always felt his heart warm when he got someone talking about something they loved. fletcher got that way when he talked about art, and maybe when he talked about some of his favorite summer travels, but there wasn’t much that could make him go starry-eyed the way leaf had talking about his home. fletcher felt that somewhere along the way, he lost that sense of wonder. he was moving just to keep moving instead of actually trying to enjoy his travels, like he had when he was younger. maybe it was a good thing after all that he had gotten that lead on his mom here; otherwise, shrike would have just ended up being another thumb tack on the map he kept taped to cork board, littered with tacks for all the places he had been. at this point, his map was more tack than map. “it sounds like you really love it. the commune.” a half smile quirked at the corner of his lips. “maybe that’s the place for you. the place you’ll always love.” 

he nodded. “i was out in l.a. when the night stalker was active. i, uh—” he paused, shrugging once, as if to shrug off the memories of living there during that time. “i get it. being scared. the world is a scary place, and it’s definitely not any easier thinking of leaving when home even seems like a disaster zone.” he’d spent time in san francisco in the earlier part of the decade, and he was still haunted by stories of gay men who described how their home had no longer felt safe after an as-of-yet unknown serial killer had targeted their community. fletcher had been lucky enough to feel removed from a lot of the violence and pain, but here in shrike, every time the killers attacked, it seemed like it was right in their backyard. 

fletcher sighed. “man, what’s it going to take for more people to invest in solar? like, come on, you even get tax credits for it now. there’s no reason not to get a little set of panels. and if y’all put them up higher in the mountains, above cloud cover, i bet you could power the whole damn state on solar. but, of course, that makes too much sense.” he grinned and clapped leaf on the shoulder. “i’m always happy to make a new friend, man. black coffee and some toast for me, dude, i’ll go snag us a seat.” he scanned the room for an empty table and found one in the corner, making a beeline for it and just barely sliding into the booth before another group got the table. they shot fletcher a dirty look, but he was used to getting plenty of those by now. 

[alicnblues]

urdamage​:

               hayden provided ernie with a lot of comfort , usually in the form of entertainment or easy going company who by chance knew how to deal with him . but maybe it wasn’t by chance at all , not that ernie was guessing that it wasn’t ; perhaps it was hayden’s deeper understanding of ernie’s situation that allowed him to be better suited as a friend to ernie , though the younger man would never have known enough to think that . all he knew was that he didn’t let people into his personal life and they had to treat him in a very specific , cautious way in order to be kept around for an extended amount of time - a way that ernie never described to other’s , him instead expecting them to just simply … know . if someone asked too much , knew too much or said too much , ernie wasn’t often comfortable due to the risks he believed they posed , but hayden never crossed lines like that . 

ernie doesn’t know why he and hayden click so well , but he also doesn’t question it . for some reason - a reason other than his usual vice of smoking one too many joints in preparation of doing anything - ernie didn’t overthink his friendship with hayden and that only added to the beautiful simplicity of what they had . “ oh you’re in pain , huh ? ” he smirked , picking up on the fact that hayden was only joking . “ how do you think the casserole feels , hayden ? ” he teased , but he wore a soft expression alongside his joking to ensure he didn’t really hurt the other’s feelings . sure , he was teasing hayden , but the truth was that ernie most likely wouldn’t have been able to do any better , and regardless of the outcome he appreciated the efforts made . 

“ aw man , someone needs to take away your oven privileges . ” he laughed , amused . “ or your weed . ” he added with an even louder laugh , shaking his head due to his amusement . “ but i think that’s a little inhumane to suggest . ” especially right now with everything going on in town , ernie wasn’t in any rush to take away someone’s vice , but he also wasn’t in any rush to bring up explicit conversation about the attacks and the terror they brought . “ i’d say you could always move in with me if you got evicted , but i don’t know if i have any less strikes against my name than what you have against yours over here . i think together we’d be a mess . ” he grinned , meaning all of this in the best way , not trying to actually offend hayden and putting himself in the same category of a mess to show that . 

///

hayden had seen his fair share of people like ernie—closed off, unwilling or unable to let anyone in, confrontational, ultimately deeply hurt. it was hard for hayden to look at ernie and not immediately think of all the pain he’d been through, all the pain he still went through because of how his childhood had been derailed. there was a reason he worked nights prepping his show; he usually couldn’t get much sleep, consumed by thoughts of his broken family and his inability to keep anyone around for long. it was better to put that time and energy towards something productive. then, hayden didn’t have to think too much. when he lived in denver, he spent most of his time alone, and it had ultimately been a terrible thing for him. he’d tried and failed to make friends, have relationships—any time he got close to someone, he’d push them away. 

it had been a lonely life, one marked by tragedy and pain. the only person who had managed to have any sort of staying power in hayden’s life had been his boss at the radio station who, despite the number of times hayden fucked up or tried to disappear, wouldn’t let hayden fuck this up. enough people have fucked up in your life, son. you don’t have to be one of them. it was the mentality he brought with him when he moved back to shrike. he was determined to make this different than his life up to this point, even if that meant shoving down all the negative feelings and dealing with them on his own, rather than letting anyone else see the anger and hurt that lived in his heart. he wanted to have people in his life. he wanted to know others, he wanted to be known. it was proving to be more difficult than he anticipated. 

it was made easier, however, knowing that ernie was struggling with many of the same things. 

“you can pry my oven out of my cold, dead hands,” hayden said. “and my weed out of my even colder, deader hands.” he dropped onto the couch, stretching out with a grin. “aw, are you saying you want me as a roomie? i’m honored. i’m going to have to write...someone about this.” he couldn’t quite write home about it, since home was as fluid as hayden’s whims. “pick a record, man, i’ve been listening to the same record on repeat and need something new.” new as in something out of hayden’s extensive collection, which was full of albums hayden hadn’t listened to in years along with the new stuff he picked up from tracks on the weekly. 

[alicnblues]

location: felix’s trailer

closed for delilah lennox ( @rebelsrebels )

he hadn’t felt fear like that in a long time. felix thought he had mastered that feeling, mastered the fear that had once paralyzed him every time he tried to leave his house. for a long time, he had been a recluse. he got one of the kids in the trailer park to pick up groceries for him once week for a cool ten bucks and he didn’t go into town if he could help it. 

during this time, the only people who had ever been able to get through to felix were delilah and her grandmother. they had taken care of him, kept him sane, and every summer felix took delilah wherever he could throughout colorado—hiking up in the mountains, fishing trips to lake love, day trips to denver to explore the city and spoil delilah with the little money he made from his army pension. they had taught him how to be around others again.

and then he started going back into town more; he made friends, got a job. he settled into a life that he was certain he could lead, stress free and, for the first time, happy. he thought shrike would be the perfect, quiet home for him...until the murders started. until now, they had been somewhat removed, distant from felix. now, after what happened at key of reason, he felt like he was back at square one. 

he sat in his trailer, in the dark, hiding behind the small kitchen counter that made up one side of his trailer. he was curled up, his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. he’d already cried himself out—he was so dehydrated now that all he had was a splitting headache and dry sobs that shook in his chest every now and again. 

in his mind, all he could think of was rain. in the jungle, it rained constantly, turning the ground into a muddy minefield, the kind that would suck you under if you put your boot down too long. he felt like he was back there, getting pulled down deeper and deeper into the shit until he drowned. 

[alicnblues]

malakaism​:

suppose if anyone could defuse the ticking time bomb, it’d be hayden whether kai would ever admit it at all. still, the blonde was half tempted to snap at the other too. but almost like a guardian angel, the other offered the sacrificed cup of coffee as tribute. the action caused the blonde the press his lips together, accepting the beverage and welcoming taking a sip as if it would drain all his stresses away. it didn’t, but it was close enough.

just like that, malakai seemed to no longer care about the other person. still, thankfully they left the scene surely with a roll of their eyes. if malakai had good social skill practices within his body, he’d probably thank hayden. but the politeness didn’t dare slip his lips. even if part of him was thankful. “don’t you have something better to do?” malakai directed his words to hayden as he oh so carefully placed his bookmark in place, shutting the novel. “or am i about the be the subject of some lecture on how i should keep my mouth shut?” lord must know that if kai simply sealed his lips, he’d probably stay out of trouble at least half of the time.

///

hayden scoffed. “who, me? give you a lecture? never.” he was lying, of course, as he was known to have given kai lectures from just about as long as kai could actually comprehend them. they had grown up in the system together, more or less, and while they had both bounced around different homes, being in shrike meant that they could at least see each other at school or at the park and find ways to keep in contact. that had been important to hayden. he had already lost track of one little brother. 

he leaned back lazily, putting his hands behind his head and crossing his legs. “nope, nothing better to do than to absolutely ruin your day,” hayden said with a cheeky grin. “come on. stop being such a debbie downer. i’m, like, the only person you like, and you act like you hate me. if i didn’t have such a thick skin, i would have left your ass behind a long time ago.” and hayden had, for a while, taken off for denver, but he had made sure to stay in contact with kai by whatever means necessary—even if that meant driving up to shrike and knocking on kai’s foster parents’ door. 

[alicnblues]

malakaism​:

this town was so fucking stupid. filled with dumb people and even worse situations. the long day of work had sent malakai in bit of a quarter life crisis. as how he managed to waste so much of his time and end up making minimum wage. he didn’t have any seeping desires, and perhaps that was his problem and main reason on skipping out on university, despite getting accepted into ivy league. no, instead of the glories of harvard in the busy city of boston, he was wasting his life away here in shrike. the same way he had been for the past twenty plus years.

so he wanted a drink. sue him. that was the destination, met with much angst in determination to shake off the nerves that he didn’t have the capacity to face or deal with right now. the last thing on his mind was noticing another person, at least not till he had a shot or two in him. so fletcher and his… untouched art work went rather unnoticed. it wasn’t his goal to startle the other, even though kai certainly wasn’t above it.

abruptly, the blonde stopped in his tracks, brows burrowing as his gaze landed on the paintbrush and – well, he couldn’t help but vocalize a laugh. “what exactly are you doing?” kai questioned before going on. “and if i was, gonna stab me to death?” he questioned, head tilting just slightly. “murder wasn’t on my to-do list today, but if that’s such a concern, maybe don’t sit out here alone, in the dark, with nothin’ but a paintbrush as your defense,”

///

fletcher scowled, though he didn’t drop his hand, still holding the paintbrush aloft like it was a dagger instead of just a splintering old art implement. “hey, let me see your hands, judge-y stranger. you don’t know what i can do. maybe i’m, like, at bruce lee levels of kung-fu mastery and i could use this paintbrush to totally, like, fend you off or whatever.” fletcher was lying, and very obviously so, but he was trying to sell it as best as he could. 

and it wasn’t like fletcher would be totally useless in a fight. having been on the road since he was seventeen meant that he had to be scrappy, and having spent high school playing football, he had the broad shoulders and big muscles that meant he could throw a punch. moreover, he knew how to take a hit and pop back up on his feet. so, even, if the paintbrush didn’t seem intimidating, he felt like he could, at least, put up a fight before being stabbed to death. 

“i don’t want to hear your nighttime logic,” fletcher replied with a frown. his brows furrowed together and he basically pouted as he just barely lowered his paintbrush. “i wasn’t supposed to be out here at night. i was actually supposed to have finished this well before sundown but my brain and my hands won’t let me do the thing i’m usually good at, which totally fuckin’ blows, man.”