I think,Therefore I write every thought down

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Kissing Marriage Goodbye

Kissing Marriage Goodbye - some reflections on #purityculture and Josh Harris’s #divorce.

On Wednesday, Joshua Harris, author of the controversial book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” announced that he and his wife Shannon Bonne are getting a divorce. The premise of Harris’s book was that dating was “practice” for divorce, so one should follow courtship, a system wherein one didn’t have any display of sexual intimacy (including kissing or even hand holding) prior to marriage. A first kiss…

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The Old Ball and Chain: Never Say Divorce

When the word “divorce” entered my vocabulary, I had already decided it was going to happen. We sat in our room and I told him that I wanted out. There was no real warning, just the proclamation that divorce was imminent.

The advice I’d heard was that you should never even mention the word divorce, because words have power and once you start talking about something, it means that you’re…

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The Old Ball and Chain: Biblical Divorce

What does it mean for a #divorce to be "biblical"? Do the people who care actually even care about that? New post in The Old Ball & Chain series.

This feels like a good time to direct people to my disclaimer post.

When I was first divorced, I would spend a not insignificant amount of time reading articles with titles like, “What Does the Bible say about Divorce?” and “How Should Christians Talk About Divorce?” and “When Does the Bible Allow Divorce?” I felt bad about what I had done, and since most of these articles suggested that…

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The Old Ball and Chain: Are You Sure?

The first entry in my new blog series. A little look at how purity culture started me on the journey of not asking questions.

My mom and I were standing out on the back porch of my childhood home. The sky was darkening and the field behind the house was alight with fireflies, casting about their glowing mating call as we waited for the more high tech fireworks at the local racetrack to begin.

“Are you sure?”

The question felt like it came out of nowhere. Mom and I seldom talked about my relationship. When I was in…

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The Old Ball and Chain: New Series and a Disclaimer

A new series about marriage, in which I say the things I haven't said for six years.

Ever since Rachel died, I’ve been thinking about writing. Which makes sense, since she was the person who moved me from writing about the mundanity of being a mom of little kids to a more thoughtful, purposeful kind of writing. She lifted up my words numerous times and was one of my biggest cheerleaders.

Dan shared a picture of her writing desk on her Facebook page. It has lots of notes about…

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So You Want to be an Ally...

So You Want to be an Ally... #pride #pride2019

So it’s Pride 2019 and you want to be an ally for your LGBTQIA friends. Awesome! But what does that mean? How does one be an effective ally?

1. Stop calling yourself an ally. I know, we want the credit for all of our super hard work! But hey, this fight isn’t about us, and let’s be honest, the stakes are always lower for the cishet folks. Call yourself affirming, supportive, whatever. But ally…

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The Line

The Line: thoughts on the numerous heartbeat bills and why I’m pro-choice.

I don’t remember hearing much about homosexuality when I was growing up. I don’t think I ever heard it talked about in church. The first time I remember the subject coming on my radar, I believe I was 12 or 13 at CreationFest. I don’t even remember the context for the speaker’s point, but he talked about people choosing homosexuality, and that didn’t sit right with my own budding sexually that I…

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Why I Don’t Want Your Mother’s Day Well-Wishes

Today people are going to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Mostly I appreciate it, but honestly, there are some who make mothering hard for me every day. I am less inclined to accept their well-wishes.

When people hear that I have four trans kids, they tell me I’m brave for supporting them. Other mama bears hear the same when they reveal that they have LGBTQIA kids.

We don’t want to have to be…

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Rachel Was Both

For Rachel, A True Friend and a Good Writer #becauseofRHE

I was in fourth grade the first time I heard Charlotte’s Web. Our teacher would read us a chapter of a book right after recess and thus introduces me to Charlotte and Wilbur and Fern and Templeton. A story of unlikely friends, a story about sticking up for and aiding the underdog. As my teacher finished the book, I had the beautiful, but new experience of a story moving me to tears. I’ve read it…

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3 Tips to Help Your UMC Friends Grieve

3 Tips to Help Your #UMC Friends Grieve #GC2019 #foreveryoneborn

Yesterday the delegates at the General Conference for the UMC adopted the Traditionalist Plan that strengthens the already homophobic language in the Book of Discipline and makes enforcement more punitive. You may have friends who are deeply grieving that decision today and you may want to help, so here are a couple of quick tips for that.

1. Don’t tell people how to grieve.Some will feel sad.…

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The Church is Queer

The Church is Queer #GC2019 #UMC

My kids like to say that everything is gay. These video game characters are gay. These TV characters are gay. The plants outside are gay. Our dog is gay.

One time I asked my daughter why everything had to be gay. She looked at me, and asked me if I was serious. That NOTHING is gay. That nearly every coupling is straight and geared toward straightness. That most of the whole history of pop…

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A Teacher’s Story I'm here in West Virginia where, for the second year in a row, there is a teacher work stoppage.

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Crumbs

LGBTQ people deserve more than Christian crumbs.

Thinking about Chris Pratt and the UMC this morning.

Chris Pratt got into a bit of a controversy over the past week with Ellen Page. She pushed him on being a part of an anti-LGBTQ church and he pushed back. Pratt has said that his church is not anti-LGBTQ because it opens its doors to everyone. But let’s be honest, acceptance isn’t the whole deal. Can a gay couple be married at your church? Can…

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My #MeToo Story

My #metoo story is almost nothing, which is why I’ve never talked about it. I know women who have dealt with significant trauma from unwanted sexual advances, and I’m not traumatized at all. (For real. There are plenty of traumas in my life, but the following story is not one of those.) But I feel like the story still has some merit, for the lessons it taught me.

I performed in all of my high…

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No Debate

Photo by Kristina Tripkovik

I’m having a bad day.

I can’t stop thinking about little Jamel Myles, the nine year old boy who killed himself a few days ago after he was bullied for coming out as gay.

He. Was. Nine.

I can’t stop thinking about his mother. No awkward middle school picture. No first crushes. No first dates. No prom. No wedding. No grandchildren. No complaints that he doesn’t call…

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Doing the Unstuck

Let me start by saying that if you haven’t watched Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette on Netflix, do what you can to fix that as soon as possible. It is one of the most powerful, life-changing pieces of art I’ve ever seen. Honestly, she has done something spectacular with this show, and I believe all of us can learn something from it. I will also say that if you haven’t watched it, I will be talking about…

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What Was Lost

The question caught me off guard.

I went to Wild Goose this year without actually going to Wild Goose. A rotating group of friends have been renting a house near the festival for the past few years, and people come in during the weekend either to present or to attend the event or just visit with people they can’t see often. This year, I was in the last group. Just a tag-along, there to share a…

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