thinking about this gofundme....
**A little bit of history of my musical experience that no one asked for but I felt like sharing: **
Some of you might not know this but i've been playing music in some capacity as "Alison Self" since 2005 when I went and bought a $60 ukulele and made a myspace page with some shitty recordings. Before that though, sometime in 2004, my boyfriend at the time went and bought me a trumpet because I had been listening to a bunch of early jazz and he knew I was destined to be a nerd. Trumpet didn't last long, probably a week, but it was a nice pipe dream. Even earlier then that, my boyfriend was a kickass guitar player and forgot his acoustic at my house. I picked it up, googled some tabs (i didn't even know what that was) and fucked with it for about 10 minutes before I almost threw it across the room because I was so frustrated. Before before, knee high to a grasshopper me before that, I was constantly singing, I used to get in trouble for singing to myself in school. In an act of positive reinforcement I was awarded "best singer" of my 2nd grade class. When I was little i used to dance on the fireplace in these glittery red dorothy slippers because Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie. There is not one musician in my immediate family, so who knows where all this shit came from!!
I finally picked up the guitar in 2010 while living up in Maine. My room mate at the time didn't play it much so i'd sit and look up chords while everyone was at work. I had gigged quite a bit and done a few short tours while playing the uke, but I got tired of everyone thinking the instrument I played was a "toy" or a "novelty instrument" or that I played "folk punk" because I had dyed hair and hitch hiked and rode a bicycle. (Alison, that's your own damn fault for not showering more and getting stick n pokes) I also noticed that every other traveling kid with a dog also played ukulele so it was about this time I figured I should just join the masses of people who play guitar and attempt to be taken seriously ;)
I wanted to start focusing on playing straight up honky tonk and old time country instead of the blend of jazz, folk, blues i was doing. A big factor in this was my buddy Joshua A Bearman. We were playing in a little duo called Sweet Fern and playing all these carter family songs. There aint no uke in them btw but I was playing baritone uke because I was still getting comfortable with the guitar. I would practice before we had practice so I could attempt to be on his level somehow. He looks at me one day and goes "You know you're gonna have to get better at the guitar if we're gonna do this, right?" We both laughed but I knew he was serious, so I got my ass in gear best I could, years later and I can't even play bar chords, sorry Josh! ;)
So that's how I ended up with guitar, even though early on I would moan "every one(dude) plays the guitar I don't want to be that guy!" But now i realize why there are a lot of "those guys". Cause the guitar is rad dude. You should try it sometime.
At this point, it's crazy to think that I've been playing music for about 10 years. It's also crazy when I think about how my life has basically revolved around it for most of that time. I've spent hours in vans with tourmates. Hours in the car alone. It has brought wonderful people into my life. It has gotten me in trouble. It has gotten me laid. It has gotten other people laid. It is how most of my romantic relationships have gotten started and probably what ended all 1,854 of them. It has shown me that people can be assholes in a serious way. It has taught me to be distrustful. it has taught me trust and patience. It keeps me awake at night, and makes me get so drunk that I pass right out. It makes me cry on a regular basis from stress. I laugh constantly. I have lost jobs because of it. I have lost friends because of it. I have met hundreds of amazing people all over the country and then had to tell them "goodbye" and hope that no one dies before we meet again. It has helped me process trauma and heartache. It's ruined my life at the same time while enriching it and making it fucking awesome. Nothing is black and white and I wouldn't have it any other way when it gets down to it.
Basically yall, this is my fucking life and sometimes I just trip out thinking about it, and where I was years ago before this ride started. (Living in a dysfunctional working class household in Matoaca VA and knowing there was a better life out there basically) I think about how supportive everyone has been, and while I know i'll never be rich and famous, (i'd settle for financially not a mess) I will never stop playing and trying to put myself out there. I honestly don't know what else I would do with myself. Probably waste away in a bathtub of liquor and mac n cheese.
This is all just kind of a big thank you to all yall for being there. Launching this GoFundMe has been weird and good because I'm embarrassed that I need financial help while at the same time being extremely grateful for everyones support. I am trying to be realistic about the $ goal and I am ready to accept however much I end up raising and I will be happy with it. In the back of my mind I know that it's very likely that I won't raise enough $ to purchase a van. I am on a time restraint and worst case scenario, I will use the money to fix my car and try to just get to my shows and figure it out from there. Believe me when I say that the $ that gets raised via the gofundme is all the money I have to spend on a vehicle. I don't have savings or anyone who can let me have or borrow money. (unless you haven't spoken up yet, any takers!?) Any extra money I end up having before i leave for this tour is going to rent, bills and life expenses like toilet paper. I also don't have a safety net other than my friends and the fact that I am resourceful and have been broke all my life so i'm used to it. Financially and in general, my parents are out of the picture so there is no option for me to borrow money from daddy. Unless its your daddy, and in that case, have him message me asap. :)
So, man, FUCKING THANK YOU SO MUCH! If you've donated or shared the page or put good vibes out or seen me in public and bought me a beer because you know i'm probably freaking out. Either way. whatever I end up raising is gonna be tight and very much appreciated and all I can do is keep moving forward regardless of the outcome.
PS: Honky tonk, or die tryin god damnit!