Pope Innocent Instigates A Crisis of Chastity
Well, Pope Innocent does this wonderful sermon about taking care of the body.
Pope Innocent: This is a body that Christ has given you. Cherish it, take care of it. Find out what this body needs. Sustain it. Find out what is right for it.
It's a sermon of love, taking care of the physical self and how each body requires a different accomodation.
And then the Vatican takes it to the next level.
Goffredo Tedesco: Ha! Taking care of the body? I'll show that liberal who can take care of the body! (Juggling a football with his knees with precision, while still vaping) You and ME! Just you and ME!
Aldo Bellini: (At the other end of the goal in his cassock.) Oh it's ON!
Joseph Tremblay: (Taking up the hockey stick) This old hockey champ knows a thing or two about taking care of the body! OUT OF MY WAY! (Skates and barrels through all his cardinal opponents on the hockey rink!)
Thomas Lawrence: Oh Ray, I have a confession. I think some of the cardinals have turned Vincent's speech into a fad rather than a holy practice. I know it's different for each, but I can't get into it
Ray: Thomas, Pope Innocent's speech was about finding what works for you. It's not a sin to experiment. And if you ask me, you could even try something and you'll still be your sad, ponderous self, but you would have tried something new.
Thomas Lawrence: (Sigh) You're right. I better do something to honor Vincent's sermon. What kind of friend would I be if I don't do this for Vincent?
Goffredo Tedesco: You play well, americano liberale! If you weren't americano liberale, I would proposition you! (Tedesco gazing at Aldo Bellini's muscular form in the cassock)
Aldo Bellini: (Juggling football with his knees at the other side of the goal.) Oh no, Tedesco is... openly flirting with me. This is not good. (Bellini gazing at Tedesco's muscular form in the cassock) Oh no.
Pope Innocent and Aldo Bellini walking to the turtle ponds
Aldo Bellini: Holy Father, I really don't like to report on this. But... there's a lot of propositioning in the confession booth lately among the cardinals. And I mean... cardinal to cardinal kind of propositions.
Pope Innocent: Aldo, what do you mean?
Aldo Bellini: Well, it's been happening to... me too, among cardinals... And I'm not going to deceive you here... the temptation has grown...
Pope Innocent tries not to look at Aldo Bellini's more muscular shape in the cassock.
Pope Innocent: To be frank, cardinal longing for another cardinal in a ... carnal sense is nothing new in the Vatican. It's happened during the time of the late Holy Father before me, but as long as lines aren't crossed, then we can glory in resisting temptation and laboring for our chastity vows-...
Thomas Lawrence: (Holding a turtle) Holy Father, my apologies! You caught me in the middle of prayer at this lovely turtle pond! Lately, I've been lifting weights so I can hold these guys like they're little feathers when I save them from being run over by the Vatican buses.
Pope Innocent: (Looks at Aldo Bellini) Chastity Crisis?
Aldo Bellini: Chastity Crisis.
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