but who could love me, I am out of my mind?

Rachael, 18, Scotland. This is basically to express how I'm feeling because people I know can't find it. I don't want to promote self harm/eating disorders or anything but some people may find my posts triggering. If anyone ever needs to talk to someone or vent then my ask box is always open, anon or not :) . but who could love me, I am out of my mind?

[lil-patchouli]

[alittlemoremagical]

Ok so I literally haven’t posted on this account in like a year but I need to say this and idk where else to do it.

So zayn left 1d today and I’ve kind of laughed it off all day because I’m not emotionally invested in them anymore at all. But now I’m looking through tumblr and so many people are obviously really devastated by it, as expected, and it’s making me so sad. One Direction used to make me so happy, I mean I still like them but they literally used to be the only thing that could make me happy. I can honestly say that when I was feeling at my lowest they never failed to cheer me up and I really think that it’s starting to listen to them that brought me out of my depression. I know that’s so cliche and ridiculous, but all of a sudden I had something that made me happy and I hadn’t felt like that in over a year so it finally gave me something to look forward to and some sort of joy to cling to when I was really down. So now, seeing all these (mainly) girls who maybe are going through similar things that I was, or even just feel like they’re losing something special to them, is heartbreaking because if this had happened a year and a half ago I would have been absolutely devastated as well. It’s just hitting home to me so much because when my favourite band split up I honestly felt broken, and although 1D are still together it’s not the same and it really feels like the beginning of the end, which I know will be really damaging to some people. I don’t know if I’m really sad because something that made me so happy and got me through the worst part of my life is kind of coming to an end or just because I’m empathising with all the people who are really affected by this, but either way I really hope that everyone’s ok and to those who are really saddened by this: just remember you still have five albums that you can hold onto forever, this isn’t the end for One Direction and there’s still so much happiness that you can take from this band. If the boys are the only source of happiness for you then please don’t let that end, there’s at least one more album coming and all the songs that are getting you through your hardships will always be there to continue helping you! Please all stay safe and happy, I love you all and if anyone needs someone to talk or vent to then my ask box is open x

[alittlemoremagical]

Looking out for my friends and making sure they’re always ok is absolutely exhausting but I can’t just not do it. I’m up till at least 3am most days trying to help my friends and all I want to do is sleep but how can I just leave them on their own?

[cunterparrts]

[fadingxnights]

You deserve the best, and I am not it. 

[rendez--voodoo]

[alittlemoremagical]

I wish my friends were awake at this time of night so I'd have someone to talk to because it gets pretty lonely at 2am. But at least I know they're all happy enough to be able to sleep well at night.

[greyrainclouds]

[dyingtobeanorexic]

black and white depression blog

[fuckblast]

alright listen

just because you dont break skin or use a razor doesnt mean it cant be self harm

just because they never hit you doesnt mean it cant be an abusive relationship

just because you can communicate in some circles doesnt mean you cant have anxiety or socializing issues

just because you have a good day doesnt mean you cant have depression

Do not let your perception of how your struggle should be silence you. Your problems are real and they deserve attention.

[imoonshine]

[independent-rose]

Trapped in my mind ❁

[thezealotsblindfold]

[hi-sadness]

Depressed ☹ I give advice + make great gifs. ♡

[oh-teen-posts]

[fuck-benedict]

if self harm is for attention why don’t you know the reason the girl who sits behind you in math wears sweaters every day and if eating disorders are for attention why don’t you know the girl who stares at you on the bus hasn’t eaten in a week and if suicide is for attention why don’t you know the reason the boy who used to eat lunch at your table doesn’t anymore

[vodkaandsniff]

i just started crying

[stillsomewhatsane]

[alittlemoremagical]

I need to stop looking at certain old photos because I'm getting so triggered right now and it's bringing back all the memories that made me feel awful enough to self harm in the first place

[halogenation-blog]

It is very sad to me that some people are so intent on leaving their mark on the world that they don’t care if that mark is a scar.

John Green (via refluent)

[alittlemoremagical]

i'm honestly terrified that i'm going to get to 30 and still not have been in a relationship, please god don't let me be lonely forever