I used to think addicts were those kids who wanted to rebel, be different, I thought it was defiance more than sickness.
Until I was pushing my body past the rails on the balcony of a 10 story building with my arms held out, shaking, begging the wind to take me with it, wondering why the fuck I couldn’t just be more like everybody else, or a little more normal.
I used to think addiction was my father drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and as he’d get louder and my hands covered my ears I would scream, scream until I saw blankness in his eyes followed by the painful blows to my body. I was conditioned to believe addiction would not kill you, it would just torture the others around you,
I used to think addiction was normal, I was neglected to be informed that there were worse things out there than alcohol.
Until one night I stopped at a friends house and he scooted some white lines on his mirror toward me with a razor blade and I began to lose myself in the most ugly way.
I used to think addiction was simple, easy, not a threat to my future
Until I was seizing on the floor of my best friends house, no one home, cardiac arrest. No job, no home, no belongings, not in school, no trust, no love.
I used to think dope was just smoking some weed
Until I found the best monster of them all and I let it consume me, made myself willing to die for it, lie for it, cry for it.
I used to be better, used to smile without faking it, until ice turned me cold and weakened my soul.
-drug journals
blakekathryn
annaxmalina
areudirty
pixelskylines
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
