Finger Stripes

Nightwing's Nest

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Dick’s eyes widened as the voice message ended. It was the first time in a while he had checked his voice mail, the first time in a while he had checked his phone in general, and he was glad he did. With a sigh, Dick carefully pulled himself out of bed, wincing as he moved. Slowly he made his way out of his room and towards the front door. He could already feel himself becoming lightheaded but if Roy was dying, Dick was going to get there as fast as he could. In a last minute attempt to cover up his bandages, Dick grabbed his hoodie and threw it over his head before going out the door.

After some time passed, Dick finally arrived at Roy’s front door. At least he hoped it was his front door. He hadn’t seen Roy in forever; there was no telling if he actually still lived in the building he remembered him living in. Raising his hand to knock on the door, Dick hesitated, his knuckles inches away from the wooden exterior. What if he wasn’t happy to see him? What if it was a mistake coming to check on him? Taking a deep breath and gathering what little of his confidence that he could, Dick knocked on the door. He wouldn’t know until he tried.

[cadmusarcher-deactivated2016051]

Roy was lying on the couch, cell phone in one hand and used syringe in the other. It had been a few hours since his last hit. He felt okay. At least, as okay as a junkie could. Part of him wanted to call Arsenal but a bigger part of him doubted his brother wanted to hear from him.

At first, he thought he might have imagined the knock. He sat up in confusion. Stuffing the syringe between the seat cushions, he pushed himself to his feet. If the knock surprised him, his visitor surprised him even more.

"Uhm- hey?"

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

"H-Hey," Dick stuttered as he crossed his arms across his chest. "I... uh... I got your message... so I thought I would stop by and check to see if you were okay.... You um... you said you were dying but you... you seem to be okay..." Dick quietly observed as he wrapped his arms tighter around himself, his vision blurring slightly.

He hadn't slept that well the night before he hadn't had anything to eat in a little more than twenty four hours. It was obvious that he wasn't feeling well. The dark rings under his eyes was a dead give away as well as the paleness of his face.

[cadmusarcher-deactivated2016051]

"Dick… Dickie, it’s Roy. Lissen. ‘m in serious shit. I- uhm. I didn’t know who else to call. Fuck, I’m in trouble. I need you to come over. Now. If you don’t come over, ‘m pro-probably dead. So, uhm. Yeah. Bye."

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Dick's eyes widened as the voice message ended. It was the first time in a while he had checked his voice mail, the first time in a while he had checked his phone in general, and he was glad he did. With a sigh, Dick carefully pulled himself out of bed, wincing as he moved. Slowly he made his way out of his room and towards the front door. He could already feel himself becoming lightheaded but if Roy was dying, Dick was going to get there as fast as he could. In a last minute attempt to cover up his bandages, Dick grabbed his hoodie and threw it over his head before going out the door.

After some time passed, Dick finally arrived at Roy's front door. At least he hoped it was his front door. He hadn't seen Roy in forever; there was no telling if he actually still lived in the building he remembered him living in. Raising his hand to knock on the door, Dick hesitated, his knuckles inches away from the wooden exterior. What if he wasn't happy to see him? What if it was a mistake coming to check on him? Taking a deep breath and gathering what little of his confidence that he could, Dick knocked on the door. He wouldn't know until he tried.

[deactivatedwilson-deactivated20]

Young Justice Characters [14/∞]

Dick Grayson a.k.a. Nightwing (Robin version HERE)

[youngjusticer]

Eatin’ Pocky like a boss.

Batgirl, by Andrew Kwan.

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Dick Grayson: Hey Babs, feel my sweater.

Barbara Gordon: Okay.

Dick Grayson: Know what it's made of?

Barbara Gordon:

Barbara Gordon: Don't you fucking da--

Dick Grayson: BOYFRIEND MATERIAL

[dar-draws]

I’m sorry for yapping about pokemon and oras nonstop (but can you blame me) so here’s a quick Dick Grayson before bedtime.

[blackyellowandread--archive]

Her fingers lingered in the empty space where he used to be. Barbara wanted to pull him back and rest in the warm moment where he had completely trusted her. It had happened, she had an edidetic memory and could pull the sensations back to the forefront of her mind. But he stood so far away now, both physically and emotionally. If she didn’t have the ability to recall the moment with perfect clarity Barbara would swear she imagined it. 

Barbara purposefully released the muscles in her hand and let her fingers curl into her palm. She almost made a move to reach for him, her knuckles a hint outstretched to his rigid cheek, before dropping her fist back down by her thigh. 

Fine. She knew how to deal with difficult people. If Dick chose to be confrontational about seeking therapy Barbara was more than equipped to deal with it. 

"You’ve spoken to Dinah before, Dick. There’s a reason she functioned as a sounding board for the Young Justice team; to prevent situations like these from arising. She’s by far the best and most qualified option."

Unconsciously, her shoulders steeled. Dick had angered for less.

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Dick frowned as he watched her hand fall after reaching out to him. Maybe he went too far. Maybe he shouldn't have moved so far back. He was lucky that she wanted to be there for him, period. Hesitantly, Dick moved forward and grabbed her hand, giving it a soft squeeze.

He knew Dinah would be the best candidate but she was the last person he wanted to talk to. She was always so strong, something Dick was not. Not at the moment, maybe never again. Dick sighed and bit his lip. She would call Bruce and ask him what he knew. Dick knew without a doubt in his mind that if Canary knew, Bruce would know for sure. Whether she would tell him herself, have Dick tell him, or if Bruce would just be able to watch their interactions.

"I... Can't I... Isn't there anyone else?" he asked with a small voice, his shoulders tight and hunched in clear distress. He really didn't want Dinah to know. He didn't want anyone in the league to know. They all worked with Batman and if Bruce found out... Dick didn't he could ever face him or look at him again.

"Barbara... if... if Bruce finds out... I-I can't," Dick whispered, his voice cracking just as the thought. Dick turned his gaze to the floor, trying his best to hide the tears that clouded his eyes. All he could picture was the horror and disgust he would see on his foster father's face and Alfred's would be even worst. "I can't," he repeated shaking his head.

[bichelle]

In this business, there is no win, We can only hope for minimal losses.

I’m sorry I had to. Museum Heist feels are getting to me

[seriaduxarchived-blog]

                     got danger in her touch                     she should come with a warning                                                   indie batgirl written by: megan                                                     remade on 11/27/14

                                                           ENTER B16.

[blackyellowandread--archive]

"Don’t apologize. Please don’t—" Her hands fluttered helplessly in the air. Barbara’s body mirrored her uncertainty and pain. She wasn’t sure where to go from here. Her offer to have him live with her was genuine; but there would be conditions. Chief among them being therapy. 

Carefully, Barbara laid her hand on his cheek and tried to gently wipe the shock from his eyes. Her thumb rubbed soft circles into his cheekbone as she thought through her response. Despite the caution she used, the whole situation was strange. They hadn’t touched each other intimately in so long. The last time they had really land hands on each other had been a situation similarly charged. A revelation of feelings that had led them in a giant circle to this. Another moment where they were deciding their entire relationship. 

"I’m sure." Her voice was strong, calm and collected. She took a deep breath, bracing herself for the epic fight that was about to come. "But it’s not just moving your stuff in. You have to see someone, and that’s non-negotiable." 

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Unlike the time before however, Dick didn't wince or shy away as she brought her hand to his face. The only obvious reaction was his eye twitched but that was all. Reluctantly, Dick leaned his head into her hand and brought his hand up to cover her own. Slowly, his expressed changed from tense and surprised to docile and relaxed.

However at the phrase 'see someone', his hand dropped, his eyes widened, and his frame became stiff once again. "I..." Dick trailed off, his brows furrowing in concentration. He wasn't pulling his head away from her hand just yet, and that alone was a good sign.

Dick sighed and closed his eyes, focusing on her hand and focusing on his breathing. He knew he needed help. He knew he needed real, professional help. He had a problem and owned up to it but the thought of anyone else knowing made him sick. It would have to be someone in the league or someone who knew all of their identities and that alone caused him to freeze and reconsider. He didn't want anyone else to know, especially someone that was in the league.

"Okay..." he agreed hesitantly but frowned and pulled away from her hand, "but good luck finding someone suitable for the job..." he trailed off, his eyes moving away from her own and focusing on the ground. Dick knew it wasn't the best thing to say or even a nice thing to say but it needed to be said.

[queenmeras]

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

In other media: Dick Grayson

[blackyellowandread--archive]

Again Barbara stamped down on her outrage. She could control her emotions even if she couldn’t control this. Him. Her jaw clenched with all the things she couldn’t change and couldn’t affect. Barbara was not used to being helpless and didn’t take to it well. 

Dick was apologizing, but Barbara didn’t believe him. She didn’t doubt his sincerity or his belief in his apology; the problem was that he refused to stop. No—the real issue was that he only felt relief when he cut. That for him, healing mentally was hurting himself physically. 

So what did she do? Barbara trusted Dick too much to hide all of the sharp objects in both their apartments. If he truly wanted to hurt himself he could find the means to do so, anyway. 

She ground down on her teeth as he guided her finger tips over the scars on his wrist. The space just beneath her rib cage ached at every scab and healed-over cut. His skin there was too fresh, too white and raised against the smooth brown of his arm. It was wrong. 

"Then—" Barbara breathed in before releasing her thoughts, not stopping to truly think through every consequence. She just knew she had to help him somehow. "Then move in with me." 

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Seeing her expression as he traced over his scars with her fingers, he let go of her hand. She could hide her feelings as best as she wanted but her overall lack of feeling only told Dick one thing. She was feeling so much that she couldn't even absorb it or express it in a single expression. Dick hung his head and closed his eyes as he felt his eyes water. He wasn't going to cry. He had cried enough.

Dick bit his lip and fought the urge to shake his head. He couldn't even tell what she was feeling. A part of him felt like she was disappointed or disgusted but he couldn't tell if she actually felt that way or if he felt that way and was projecting his emotions as her thoughts. "Sorry..." he repeated again, refusing to look up.

At her offer, Dick's head jerked up, his eyes wide. He shouldn't have been surprised but he was. He opened his mouth to answer but no sound came out. He didn't even know what his answer was. Dick's lips closed as he thought about her suggestion silently.

His first thought was no. He didn't want to bother her. He didn't want to burden her. He didn't want her to see him when he was a wreck; when he was fighting himself... when he wasn't himself. He didn't want her to think less of him.

His second thought was yes. He was already bothering her, probably bothering her more than he would if she was always with him. He was already burdening her with his problems. She hadn't seen the worst of it but maybe she wouldn't have to. And if she was going to think less of him, she probably already was.

This way he could also keep an eye on her. He could make sure she didn't push herself. Make sure her back wasn't damaged and that it really was just sprained or bruised. They could watch each other. They could take care of each other. They could love each other... which was all Dick really wanted to begin with.

"Okay," he agreed hesitantly, his eyes meeting hers. "Only if you're sure..." he added immediately. If she offered without even thinking he wanted to give her the chance to take it back.

[blackyellowandread--archive]

"Fine." Barbara schooled her expression into the neutral mask that so mirrored her mentor. She could give Dick this one thing, controlling the rarely shared emotions that hurt him. 

She licked her lips once, the only outward sign of her frustration and pain. Barbara noted the tension in his fingers and how he almost drew blood from the palm of his hand. Instinctively, internal compass turned towards him. Her nature was to soothe him, to listen to him as he talked and help him fix any problem. 

But Barbara was not skilled in either mental health diagnosis or treatment. There was no criminal she could defeat or program she could debug. It was Dick and his health, something only he could solve. 

"Don’t say that you would ever hurt yourself again.” 

Her eyebrows raised with surprise. 

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, that you thought your option was to hurt yourself. Dick—I am so, so sorry."

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

"Well I can't say that I never will..." Dick commented quietly as he looked back down at the ground. He wasn't comfortable lying to her. And he didn't want to make any promises he couldn't keep. He had made too many in the past and managed to break them all.

Dick frowned as he turned his gaze to her. "Why are you sorry? You... you shouldn't be sorry. I... I'm sorry, I'm not really strong enough to ignore the pain. That... cutting was how I had been coping. I know. I know it's weak and it's shameful but when you guys all left... I had no one and... I was in a really bad place. The cutting helped. It took my mind off all the emotional hurt I caused, it gave me pain as punishment..." Dick trailed off as he tried to explain. 

"The first time I cut was the only time I tried to kill myself. It was after Wally.....All the rest have been coping methods. I am not trying to kill myself..." Dick paused as he really quickly rolled off his sleeve showing the fresh bandages. Taking a shaky breath, he removed them revealing deep cuts going across his wrists.

"They aren't as bad as before," he tried to explain by moving Barbara's finger tips over his skin just so she could feel the raised lines from the cuts and the deep grooves from the scars. "I promise.... I just... I have a hard time when I'm alone."

[just-whelmed]

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Dick Grayson » Young Justice companion comics

[acfizz-deactivated20170512]

[blackyellowandread--archive]

She squeezed his hands once more before answering. “To check in or see how you’re doing, sure. But to tell you that I had a minuscule muscle spasm? No.” 

Barbara didn’t know how to handle his sensitivity. The only tool in her arsenal was her blunt honesty. Her tone reflected the soft spot she had for him, but it didn’t stop the truth and she would never want to. Barbara didn’t hold her tongue, especially when the conversation was so important to the future of their relationship. She would not compromise her independence because Dick was hurting. 

"If the injury was serious I have enough training to know when to seek help. You keep saying you trust me, that my competence isn’t in question, but you don’t believe that I’ll take care of myself. That’s not fair, Dick. I’ve never done anything to show that I’m self destructive."

At his confession, she dropped his wrists and shuffled back. It was—too much. Barbara thought he had been healing—slowly, but so surely. He was leaving the house and bringing her food and while his attention had been a little heavy on her lately; at least it had taken the pressure off himself. 

Now she knew better. Their time together had only been a distraction to the underlying problems. Barbara couldn’t be his best friend and girlfriend and psychologist. Dick needed a professional. 

It was one of the first moments of her life where Barbara realized she was helpless. She was neither equipped nor qualified to deal with his serious emotional issues. 

"Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.”

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

Dick turned back to her when he saw her back away, "Don't... don't look at me like that..." he whispered as he saw her expression change from horror to an expression he couldn't quite describe. It wasn't disappointment but Dick was convinced that it was. He was a disappointment. He was a failure.

Dick clenched his fists and dug his nails into his hand, his frame closing in on itself slightly as through it could shield him from the amount of shame he felt. "Don't say what?" he asked, his voice raw with emotion as he struggled to meet her gaze. His eyes becoming slightly watery.

He was letting her down. He tried to forgive himself, he really did but he couldn't. He promised himself he would never become like Batman. He swore he would never put his friends in danger or to keep secrets from them. But Dick had done just that.

"I... I'm sorry," Dick whispered, his tone shaky at best. It took everything he had to keep it as even as possible.

[blackyellowandread--archive]

"I never lied to you. Why does this have to be some big fight? There’s a pulled muscle in my back. It hurts. But it’s part and parcel with cape and cowl—something that you know. It’s not life threatening and I can treat it with ibuprofen and rest. And that’s it! Do you need every movement cataloged? Do I need to call you every time I’m bruised?”

Barbara slammed a fist against the counter and then winced when her back spasmed again. Damn. And she been making such a good point too. 

"Yes, of course I get to yell at you when you hurt yourself!" She whipped around then, the muscles in her spine screamed in protest. Barbara ignored them and snatched up his wrists. Holding them too tightly she pressed them over her heart. "Because what happened to me tonight wasn’t a choice. I didn’t want to get hurt, I didn’t think I deserved it, I didn’t want to take myself away from the people that I love. You feel this?”

The hands wrapped around his gently thumped Dick’s curled fingers against her chest. “This would break without you.”

[all-in-the-fingerstripes]

"No, but Barbara, it’s your back. What if you did more than just sprain it? What if you ruptured a disk or something? You should have seen someone especially since you can’t even move around without wincing. And if you were so against seeing someone,you just should have told  me so I could have come and check on you. Would you have even bothered to get in touch with me if I wasn’t coming over here?" he asked, his tone sorrowful.

Wincing at her tone, he bowed his head down. Dick hissed as she turned around and snatched his wrists roughly. He turned his gaze away from her only to return it when he felt where she placed his hands. Before he had a chance to speak, Barbara was speaking again. Dick grit his teeth at her words before jerking his hands away. “What I chose to do over all was a conscious decision but for the singular acts it wasn’t a choice. I had to do it. And I do deserve it,” Dick paused his eyes widening at his last phrase. He just practically admitted that he did still feel the same which may make her think that to check if he had continued to cut.

"But… I never did it to take myself away from you. I never did it to hurt you… I just do it because I…." Dick trailed off and shook his head before turning away. This was a bad idea. He shouldn’t have agreed to grab dinner with her, not when he was still struggling.