A Series of Unfortunate Events

????? ?? ?????? ??????? ???? ???? ?? ????? ????? ????? ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ?????? ????? ????? ????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ????????? ???? ????? ?????? ?????? ?? ????? ??? ?? ???? ???????? ??? ?????? ? ?? ???? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ????? ??? ???? ?? ????????: "???? ???????? ??????? = ??? ????" ???? ?? ?? ???? ??? ??? ??????? ????? ???????? ????? ?? ?????? ???????

[allam13]

Somebody tell my wife

That I love her so much I miss her I love you I want to take you in my arms and kiss your forehead

[allam13]

Forgive me.

Forgive me God for I have sinned. I have really sinned. And I will not give myself an excuse this time.

[allam13]

No where is home

No where

[allam13]

Despite everything

I still miss you. I wish you weren't so stubborn. Lots of things would've changed.

[allam13]

I hope

I wake up to a miracle. Something like that can make my life not just my day. I will take her in my arms like I used to.

[allam13]

Was it really doomed to fail?

Sometimes I believe it's just a matter of maturity. We weren't mature enough. Everybody believed it was doomed to fail. But maybe it's the shallow perspective. And in actuality, it was more about us becoming more mature. Both of us, not just me or her. Our problems were really trivial. Could've been settled in much easier ways. It was always believed that had we gotten married we would've gotten divorced shortly after. Maybe that's how it seemed because we weren't mature enough. For some reason our past relationship remind me of Underwood and Claire's relationship. Love and abuse. But always supporting each other..or at least most of the time.

[allam13]

Ya rab

11:11

[allam13]

Everyday I wake up and hope

That we come back together. Maybe it can work this time after we suffered a lot..maybe we learned to improve. Maybe.

[allam13]

Texts

I still read our texts And see how they could've been And see where I was acting wrong But I saw myself saying "I love you" a lot I was saying them because I felt them When we both were okay you were really sweet You were the best Supportive, loving, caring, cute I was also nice, warm..Sometimes I wasn't the nicest but other times I was.. We were both happy and we were so full of dreams of a better tomorrow together I should've been more understanding Understanding as much as I was loving

[allam13]

I love you..

I want you to know that..I didn't want this to end..I was exhausted..I'm scared of more rejections..

[allam13]

She doesn't understand

with her was special..with her was right..with her felt right. It felt right. With her was my lover..both of us lovers not less than that.. I miss you.

[allam13]

No where is home. No where.

[allam13]

She has to know

That I love her. But she has to be cooperative. It's not one sided. She tried and tried and I know so. But there are very simple things had she done it we would've never reached this level. One thing is anger. I get really angry when we both fight. But when I sit a d try to solve I'm not angry. I'm not thinking of the pain that I endured with her, I'm thinking about her and how to find a way. On the other hand she is always angry, always stubborn. And where does this lead? No where. She has to stop being angry, and be loving.

[allam13]

Happiness

That time in Barcelona she made me happier than anything in the universe. When we danced in the club it was the best time in my life. When she missed the tour I went to her and skipped visiting camp nou just to see her and hug her. When I hugged her I felt her hug deep inside of me. I went because I couldn’t not be with her. We deprived ourselves of sleep to stay together to the last second. It made us happy. She wasn’t the only girl I kissed before, but she was the one it felt right the most with. Her wildness and craziness made me happy her success made me happy. Her support for me at work made me happy. So happy actually. When she did things for me even if it’s not what she really likes, it made me so happy and I expressed it. I said it. There was this one time she did something that she I know she didn’t like at all but she did it for me. I kept hugging her and kissing her afterwards. I expressed how much I loved her for what she did. I hugged her every time I had a chance. The gift she sent me before my birthday made me happy. Actually it made me so happy I couldn’t believe she put all that effort. Making her happy made me happy, when I bought her a gift and made sure it reached her and she opened it on the phone with me despite us having constant fights during this time. Our fights made us always blind to our good times and the times we were really happy together. I never said to anyone else “I love you” other than her. It made me happy to say it to her. It made me happy when she took MY side. When she showed the world that she’s taking my side against the world. Was asking that of her to do for me too hard? Showing the world that she’s on my side?

At some point I got physically exhausted. The fights, the struggle, the pain, the tension. But if I were asked if I loved her my answer was always yes. I love you. I really love you.

[allam13]

In 2014

I wanted to attend the graduation of her sister and my sister to meet her parents. I wanted to meet her parents because I wanted to do something serious about it. Back then I was still less mature, less experienced..so I was hesitant..and emotionally involved with the wrong person. But part of me wanted it to go on.. It scared me and excited me at the same time.

Some memories..

[allam13]

Scared

I'm scared we won't be together again. Despite that it ended many times before. I'm scared because I don't know how to handle it when you were the one who left not me those three times.

[allam13]

I wish you read this

Maybe we don't fit each other. Maybe we are not compatible in many ways. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I love you so much. I hope you know that I never thought of you as worthless. I never thought of you as something less or insignificant or not important. I was so proud of your success. So proud of what you are and your craziness and what you do. When I talked about you to people I always said so. That I'm proud of her success. But despite that you insisted that I treat you as if you are worthless. Maybe sometimes you didn't make me feel comfortable or weren't able to make me happy, but that's not because you're worthless, it's just because you were trying in the wrong direction perhaps. And I was willing to wait until you learn, learn my language and I learn yours. It was tough but together we could've made it. But despite all that, we are still compatible on certain levels. Our problem is we focused on our incompatibilities. We took the easier path of "we're just not compatible" If we sat and talked maturely we would've found ways to please each other without feeling pushed and pressured. But we are not looking for the ways unfortunately, we are always seeing just the hindrances and obstacles. I love you.