No matter where you may be and whatever may trouble you just know that Jesus promised that you will come to a place of understanding. Search for Him and you will gain understanding for whatever situation you find yourself in.
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@allen-harmon
No matter where you may be and whatever may trouble you just know that Jesus promised that you will come to a place of understanding. Search for Him and you will gain understanding for whatever situation you find yourself in.
Might I just say that 2018 was possibly my best year yet, but not because everything went right for me or because I was at my best regarding to mental health.
This year was a really bad one for my mental health, having my first panic attacks in years (hell, I think those were the first panic attacks Iâve ever had in my life), becoming so incredibly depressed that I isolated myself for weeks without telling anyone, crying and locking myself in bathrooms and having people find me in a that state, them not knowing what to do because theyâve never seen me like that before and asking me questions that I donât want and will never answer, the list goes on and on.
But all of those things donât matter, at least not for now, because thanks to all of that, to all of those bad moments that Iâve gone through, to all of those times where I wanted to give up⊠One person stuck by my side through all those hardships, comforted me and distracted me from my own mind, made me feel genuinely happy for the first time in a long while.
That person, was @virgils-ass, AKA Koala Anon.
He is quite possibly the best human being that I have ever met, and I am so, so proud to call him my best friend. But the words âbest friendâ doesnât quite encapsulate the way our relationship is. It transcends so much more than to those words, it goes way above and beyond. I still donât know how to describe it, but what I do know is that we are much more than just âbest friendsâ, maybe not enough to be called âpartnersâ, but weâll figure it out.
Iâm not afraid to say that I love him, because I do. I honestly do. I absolutely adore him, and I donât know where I would be in life without him. Heâs my soulmate, an amazing one at that. I want to let him know that despite everything, no matter what happens, I will still love him, forever and always.
This all may sound incredibly sappy, but I donât care. Iâm speaking from the heart, and my heart is one sappy son of a gun.
Thank you James for making this year an incredible one.
And thanks to all of you for sticking by.
I love you đ
Rock bottom
Iâve been abused mentally, emotionally, and physically by multiple people throughout my life that I thought wouldnât hurt me. Iâve been homeless. Iâve been absolutely broke. Iâve been friendless. Iâve been completely on my own. Iâve been extremely mentally ill. Iâve had multiple domestic disturbances that caused cops to come. Iâve totalled my vehicle. Iâve almost had a heart attack. Iâve had a complete meltdowns. Iâve hit rock bottom. But Iâve cleaned out the toxic people in my life, I have a good job, I have a bed to sleep in, Iâve met some pretty amazing people, Iâm in a relationship with an amazing guy, and Iâm working on healing from everything Iâve dealt with growing up. The good thing about hitting rock bottom, is that the only way to go is up. Even though that sounds extremely cliche, itâs also very true. Iâve just started the healing process, and itâs already like lifting a weight off of my chest.
âIn your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.â
â C.S.Lewis
âWhen I first saw you tonight, I was fine. No nervousness. No butterflies. Just happy to see you again. Itâs been too long. But⊠As the night went on, I felt that pull, that connection. And just like that, I fell for you again. I guess my New Years kiss will be going to this darling bottle of whiskey.â
â @quotebookingtoheal
will anything ever be as iconic and savage as when sally jackson, percy jacksonâs mother, used the decapitated head of the medusa to turn her abusive husband to stone, and then sold him as a statue to an art gallery to critical acclaim and used the resulting funds to pay to attend college and start her dream life as a writer
The Chilliwack Progress, British Columbia, December 21, 1933
I get mad when I think about Judas, betraying Jesusâ trust for such a miniscule amount.
But then I remember how easily I sin for freeâŠ
This hit me.
*posts any picture*
tumblr:
Everyone reblog this as much as possible over the next two weeks for good luck
Grief, Getting On With Things, & the Holidays.
Grief is an overly simplified word that canât be properly defined unless experienced first-hand. Its definition is one that is almost beyond the spoken language, but we do our best to share our experiences of it (which can vary greatly, from person to person).
I donât open up much about my experience with grief, but am always up for a chat if someone is hurting or in need of a kindred soul. Iâm still navigating my own emotions, or lack thereof at times, as I tend to dissociate and be quite numb as a survival technique. In addition to losing my mother quite unexpectedly and traumatically two years back, Iâd also found myself the victim of a violent attack one year later and had to legally forfeit my name to remain safe from my attacker, who ultimately walked from his crime (as seemed to be the pattern from his previous criminal record, as well). *For protective purposes, anything that I write is written under a pen name.Â
So, not only do I find myself grieving the loss of my mother; Iâm also, in a sense, grieving the loss of myself. Iâm grieving the loss of my name, the loss of my faith in people, the loss of my sense of security. Iâm homesick for my name and for family who no longer roam this Earth.Â
With the holidays fast approaching, there seems to be this pressure to suddenly âbe okay.â Iâve point blank been asked âHow are you STILL sad? Itâs been how many years?â by friends who, notably, still have their loved ones with them, alive and well.  I used to feel angered by this, but I no longer react this way. People who say things like this havenât lost anyone close to them, yet, and do not understand or know what grief is. Iâd rather they be unintentionally insensitive than stand in my shoes of knowing this pain.Â
For those who do find themselves in my placeâŠI wish I had words of wisdom or comfort. Iâve been waiting for the grief to just âlift,â and for my old self to just miraculously return. But Iâm beginning to realize that this is not the case, and will most likely not happen.Â
An interview with Sir Bob Geldof on the âAn Irishman Abroadâ podcast (episode 200) comes to mind, in which he states (on the topics of grief & terrible things happening), âLarge chunks of you are left behind. Itâs no use saying time heals. It does not. Time cannot heal. Time accommodates. You can put back a version of yourself, it isnât the same as beforeâŠyou can play several different versions of the same song. Some are good versions, some arenât. And that is what must happen with your life.â
The best I can do (as I canât speak for anyone other than myself) is to just keep myself busyâŠto keep moving. Perhaps it is a bit of me trying to outrun my grief? Possibly.
I travel. A LOT. I canât handle the holidays. Iâm just not able for them, and that is okay. My mother fell ill just after Thanksgiving, was hospitalised throughout Christmas, and died of heart failure the day after New Yearâs. Iâve even stopped celebrating my birthday after her death because it fell three weeks after. I just canât. So I travel to distract myself. Â
Iâve started making soy candles, once more (a hobby that I used to have before she died). I find this to be extremely relaxing, love putting something out there that brings others enjoyment and happiness, and Iâm now more than set if the power ever goes out during the next major weather event. Sorted!
I volunteer whenever possible, attend comedy shows, go to concerts, and am looking into taking online courses soonâŠanything to keep busy, to keep myself moving.
Of course, there are some days where I need to just hide away from the world and be let alone, and that is perfectly okay as well. Just be sure to not allow yourself to get lost in the solitude. It can be too easy to shut yourself away from the world, and this is where grief and depression can become dangerous. Iâve had those scary thoughts where Iâd weigh out the pros & cons of continuing on with things. Iâve literally had a full page of âcons,â and a page with just a question mark on it for the âprosââŠbut Iâm still here, somehow, carrying on with things. Â
Above all, just rememberâŠthe holidays are normal days, just like every other day. We only hype them up because weâre told âwe must do so!â Honestly, the only thing I care about around the holidays are the Late Late Toy Show and sales on Cadbury Roses!
Be Excellent To Each Other, and Party On Dudes :) (And also reach out if you need help in dealing with your griefâŠyouâre most definitely NOT alone in this <3 )
Let's Talk About: Carl Foutley and Hoodsey
(Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit unprofessional blog post written by an unprofessional blog poster. All purported facts and statement are little more than the subjective, biased opinion of said blog poster. In other words, donât take anything I say too seriously.
âLetâs Talk Aboutâ is a series of articles focused on individual character or characters and their development and commentary throughout the work in question. THIS IS NOT A REVIEW OF THE WORK, but rather what the character says about the world around them. Â If you wish to read a strict review, please click on the link to read it. My reviews focus more on the purely technical aspects of the work. There are bad characters with good messages. There are good characters with bad messages and so on and so forth. Thank you.
Authorâs Note: Okay, this is going to be a weird one. Originally, I wanted to do a review of As Told By Ginger, one of my favorite childhood shows and cartoon I sincerely hope people get to watch. But, thanks to Paramount, the studio that owns Nickelodeon and, by proxy, ATBG, trying to buy the official releases of this show have been a nightmare! While Paramount âhasâ released DVDs of the show, they are very sparse and leave out way too many episodes. Even attempts to upload episodes to Youtube have been shut down by Paramount. For some reason, Nickelodeon refuses to sell episodes of the show digitally through venues like Amazon or itunes. As such, Iâm going to be skipping over my review of this show and focusing on a topic near and dear to my heart.)
Letâs Talk About: Carl Foutley and Hoodsey
As Told By Ginger is probably one of my favorite childhood shows growing up. The characters felt real. The situations were relatable and the humor was on point.
For those who donât know, As Told By Ginger was a Nickelodeon Cartoon that ran through the 2000âs that depicted the everyday life of Ginger Foutley, a middle school student who tries to get through her day to day  by writing in her journal. It was a simple premise but executed spectacularly thanks to the animation studio of Klasky Csupo (who also did other shows such as Rugrats, the Wild Thornberrys and Rocket Power).
While Ginger would be dealing with her problem (such as a cute boy whoâs using her to get a good grade in Chemistry class or helping her friends, Dodie Biship and Macie Lightfoot, with a problem), her younger brother who was in Elementary School, Carl Foutley, and Dodieâs younger brother, Robert Joseph âHoodseyâ Bishop, would be getting into trouble.
In his Doghouse (a memory Carl holds onto in hopes his runaway dog, Monster, will return), he and Hoodsey create ideas to swindle his classmates. Carl and Hoodsey would usually have their own subplot where in Carl hatches a scheme to get money, get revenge or attempt to get his petrified eyeball away from Blake Gripling.
See, producers and executives are a bit wary to catering to a single demographic. In ATBGâs case, catering to girls. (To be fair, even in the original pilot Carl and Hoodsey were there). As such, while Ginger and Dodie were doing âgirlyâ or âfeminineâ things, Carl and Hoodsey were doing âboyâ things and had the share of the gross out humor.
Itâd be easy for Carl and Hoodsey just to be the comic relief. Their material is funny and they break up a lot of the dramatic moments with their antics. But as the series progressed, I began to realize that the show runners were doing a lot more with the two than I realized.
For example, I thought there was a strong sense of âchildren during the face of mortalityâ. Â When Hoodsey and Dodieâs grandmother dies in âLosing Nana Bishopâ, Hoodsey has a different reaction from the rest of his family. See, while Dodie, his father and his mother are all grief stricken with the loss of his grandmother, Â Hoodsey isnât. And he feels weird about it, saying âBut I donât feel sad, Carl.â. A child realizing their apathetic towards their own relationâs death is a strangely mature arc to go through. Hoodsey eventually comes around saying he will miss her but in his own way stating âIâll never look at blue foam or a raisin and not remember how Nana used to laugh at me and pinch my cheek really hard.â
This happens earlier in the series. Carl begins a sort of May-December Romance with Maude, an elderly lady he meets at a nursing home. (To be fair, itâs said that these feelings only come from Carl and Maude doesnât return his feelings but finds him entertaining company). As Carl prepares to propose to her, Maude dies and Carl has to deal with it.
But the biggest impact was during No Hope for Courtney, when Carl realizes Ms. Gordon has retired because Carl pulled a prank too far and traumatized her. Because of that, Carl does everything he can to get her back. Eventually, he wins her over. However, the night before class, Carl wakes up and calls out her name. The next day, itâs revealed that Ms. Gordon died in her sleep. (This was done as a tribute to her voice actress Kathleen Freeman passing away). The final shot is Carl crying over her death.
Religion is also a big part of the show (which is surprising, given that this was a Nickelodeon show meant for children). Carl is an atheist, but itâs only really mentioned in passing when Ginger nearly dies from a burst appendix.
In contrast, Hoodsey is seen more as the more religious of the duo, if not necessarily the more moral. What I mean is that Hoodsey is as willing, if not more so, to get into much trouble as Carl is but Hoodsey does believe in a divine power. We get glimpses of this. When Carl and Hoodsey get Mrs. Griplingâs money so Hoodsey can pretend to be a homeless boy for her (Mrs. Gripling was trying to become the head of a social club and did so by faking to do actual charity work), Hoodsey argues they should give the money back, stating "when the big guy sends me a message, I try to pay attention.â In âLosing Nana Bishopâ, Hoodsey says that their grandmother is somewhere in âthat great big bingo hall in the skyâ.
Normally, Christianity vs Atheism debates are reserved for the internet Youtube videos or conservative propaganda pieces. In fact, thereâs a scenario you could see how Carl would argue with Hoodsey about religion.Instead, the writers of the show establish this through a clever and subversive way.
Hoodsey believes in Santa Claus while Carl does not. The two get into an argument about how ârealâ Santa is, with Hoodsey being so devoted to Santa he breaks his friendship with Carl.
Eventually the two bury the hatchet and decide theyâre better off laughing at things such as neon signs of reindeer pissing.
âSure youâre cool hanging with a non-believer?â Carl asks Hoodsey.
âTo each his own and all that,â Hoodsey replies.
What led to Carlâs jadedness towards Santa Claus, Carl replies âSomething stupid. I think I used to wish my dad would come home for the Holidays or something like thatâ. This is a reference to the fact that his birth father left his family when he was young.
In the world of sitcoms and cartoons, the showrunners sometimes depict various family units and how they contrast with one another. Carlâs family had a Single mother, Lois Foutley, and Ginger. He was the only male character in the house and the youngest child.
Through the 90âs most shows had nuclear, if dysfunctional, families with a mother and father and multiple children. Even if the sons were often trouble makers, they had father figures to look up to. Bud Bundy had Al, Chris Griffin had Peter, Eric Forman had Red, Bobby Hill had Hank and Bart Simpson had Homer.
Hoodsey, whose parents are still together and havenât separated, even makes a side comment to Carl âYou see how complicated having two parents can be?â
To be fair, as time went on other cartoons and cartoon characters have commented on divorce. Sharon Spitz from Braceface, Pepper Ann Pearson from Pepper Ann, Sammy âSquidâ Dullard from Rocket Power, Will Vandom from W.I.T.C.H. and Tino Tonitini from the Weekenders are all products of divorced/separated couples. But whereas their mothers they stay with are considered embarrassing, overprotective, smothering, or strict, the absent father figure is usually idolized and admired, even with their actual presences hidden or built up. For the first times we hear about them, we never actually âseeâ what Pepper Annâs father and Tinoâs father looked like until later in the series after theyâre mentioned.
Itâs also implied that the absent father figure is the better off or the richer of the two households with a âcoolâ profession. Pepper Annâs father is a pilot, Squidâs father is an executive, Willâs father is seen driving a sports car (implying heâs wealthy) and Sharon Spitzâs father is a rock star. As such, itâs seen as an idolization of the absent father figure. âMy dadâs not here because heâs busy being cool somewhere elseâ.
Then, we finally get hints of who Gingerâs father is.
In âHello Strangerâ, Ginger gets a congratulations letter for graduating Elementary School (an event, as her friend Darren mentions, that happened ages ago) from her father. Ginger invites her father to attend her poetry reading only for him not to show up. Lois decides to send flowers to Ginger and has them written to be from Gingerâs Father (even though he had nothing to do with them). Ginger sees through the guise but thanks her mother anyway.
When we do finally meet Gingerâs Father, Jonas, the truth is finally revealed: he is a mall Santa who canât be bothered to make it to her daughterâs poetry reading. Itâs also implied heâs not well off financially. âIâm sort of a Jack of all trades and Master of noneâ he says in a later episode.
When Carl and Jonas do meet on Christmas Day, Hoodsey inadvertently stages a meeting between them, Carl, meets him with scorn and hatred. He even says âMy Mom always warned me about getting in a car with a total stranger.â Jonas gives Carl a globe full of peanuts, not knowing that Carl is violently allergic to them.
The show doesnât mince words; Jonas Foutley is a deadbeat dad who doesnât know his own children and his attempts to be there fall flat. (To be fair, the show gave him redeeming values such as giving GInger good advice or having him wrestle rogue attacking turkeys).
Ginger and Carl have very different reactions to their birth father. Ginger attempts to get Jonas back into her life as much as possible while Carl wants nothing to do with him.
Consider how strange that is. Ginger, the older female child, idolizes her father while Carl despises him. Carl instead attempts to help Dr. Dave, a recurring character and co-worker of his mother, help woo Lois. Carl whoâs the younger child instead feels more comfortable with his step father while Ginger, who would be older and would have more memories of her father leaving her, is dedicated to making her father a part of her life as much as possible.
Itâs interesting to see how he, who is barely entering middle school not only wants to embrace his potential new father, but harbors resentment against his birth father. He even goes so far as to address him as Jonas while calling Dr. Dave Dad. Carl even accuses Jonas of conspiring to ruin Lois and Daveâs wedding!
In one of the final episodes of the season, Carl helps Lois find a new house. Lois decides to indulge Carlâs gross out side and shows off houses that she thinks Carl would like before settling on a real house. Except, throughout the episode, Carl dismisses each of the houses and commits himself to finding an actual home.
When Lois asks why Carl is acting out of character, Carl responds.
âItâs my last duty as Man of the House before Dave steps into the roleâ, he says.
Think about that. Carl, despite admitting he loved the creepy and gross houses Lois showed him, decides to take the responsibility of house hunting seriously because he considers it the last duty âas man of the houseâ before Dave comes in. He is deliberately choosing to step away from his own selfish desires and deciding to âact like a manâ. Not masculine as in gaining muscles or beating up people or acting as an authority figure, but doing something as simple as helping his mother and changing his attitude and behavior.
Consider the context: Carl favors Dr. Dave, a step-father, despite Dave not being his birth father and him acting squeamish and cowardly, more of a man than his actual parent. Why? Because Dave is there and helps his family while Jonas, Carlâs birthfather, has been mainly absent from his childhood.
So naturally, Carlâs viewpoint of masculinity and manhood are changed. Rather than being assertive of muscular, itâs simply being there and supporting his family when he can.
Thatâs strangely profound in a child.
It feels like Carlâs arc is that of maturity. But through the series, attempts into forcing Carl to mature all fail. Ms. Gordo and George (a strict boy scout who uses military training to straighten out Carl), all fail. Attempts to force Carl to destroy the dog house, his secret lair and his nostalgia into hoping his long lost pet, Monster, will come back fail. Even when a classmate tricks Carl into growing up fails. But instead, Carl chooses by his own accord when heâs finally ready to destroy his dog house. He chooses to turn his back against pranking. He chooses to help his mother out with the wedding and move.
(It should also be mentioned that Carl was willing to let his dog house be destroyed when George blackmails Carl that by leaving he would cast the blame on Ginger whose program is failing). Then, on Loisâ wedding day, Monster, the dog Carl has been waiting to come back, returns to him.
In some ways, Carlâs story is a view of masculinity but through the lens of grade school boy. Through this sense of jadedness, we see a boy whoâs grown weary of the world but works through it by being as gross and angry as possible. But instead of pursing masculinity as a form of power or revenge fantasy, he views it as an aiding tool and someone who genuinely wants to help (even if that help causes more trouble than aids).
Tress MacNille is a voice acting professional whoâs shown her merit through shows such as the Simpsons, Futurama and other works. But itâs with Hoodsey that she embodies a character and gives said character real depth. But itâs Jeannie Elias who absolutely delivers as Carl (she also played Botley in Jumpstart 3rd grade adventures). Â Itâs not uncommon for female voice performers to voice young boys (this is done for a variety of reasons as animated shows can go on for years and female actresses tend to âsoundâ younger than male ones), but Elias performance while holding a scratchy voice manages to convey anger, sadness, humor and cunning at all the right times. Kudos to her.
The series ends, showing an Adult Ginger reading her book to a group of her adult friends as well as Darren with their child. Hoodsey and Carl are seen sitting next to each other.
Though, there is one detail I do find funny. In an episode, Carl says âI can see Me and Hoodsey being friends 30 Years from nowâ.
I guess some friendships do last a lifetime after all.
âthis room is like the heart of the house. no, not a heart, a stomach. it was your dance studio, theo. it was my toy-room, it was a reading room for mom, the game room for steve, a family room for shirley, a treehouse⊠but it was always, the red room.â
The Crain Kids + smiles
7 Things You Should Do When You Need a Change
Going through a quarter life crisis, bad break-up or just need a change? Here are some things to do to clear you head and help you re-prioritize.
1. Purge your closet
Everything. Just get rid of it. I know itâs hard to get rid of your favorite shirt from 2005, but do you really need it? Dump out your entire closet and then organize your clothes into three piles: 1. Clothes you wore in the past month. 2. Clothes youâve worn in the past 2-12 months. 3. Clothes you havenât worn in the past year. Get rid of everything in pile 3, put everything in pile 1 back in your closet. Then, allow yourself to keep half of the clothes in pile 2. This will help you re-identify your fashion identity and bring to light who you are right now. Itâll also make room for the next chunk of your life. And if you feel guilty about getting rid of clothes you once loved, you can always donate them to goodwill or consign them.
2. Purge your bedroom
Apply #1 to everything in your bedroom. What do you need? What has just been sitting in your room for years without being touched? This can be a very emotional process but making room for new things is very relieving. If there is something you are having a tough time getting rid of, take a picture of it. And then if youâre REALLY feeling it, rearrange your bedroom. This will definitely spark some positive change in your life!
3. Plan a retreat
Take yourself on a mini-vaca by yourself. Go to the beach, the park, or take a scenic walk. It may seem troubling hanging out with yourself, but after a few hours you will feel humbled. Use this opportunity to discount from technology, social media, etc. and take in the beauty in life.Â
4. Make a list
Put a timer on for 10 minutes and make a list of your dreams. What do you want? What are somethings youâve always wanted to do? Be crazy, dream big. After 10 minutes, walk away from the list. At the end of the day, come back to the list and highlight the things that are realistic. What fits your life? And if it doesnât fit, can you make it fit your life?
5. Start a fund
I donât know what this fund will be yetâyou may not either. But whether itâs a piggy bank that you put spare change in, or a mutual trust fund, start saving some money. One day you will figure out what you want it to be for and you will be thankful you had it.
6. Meet someone new
Just say hi to a random person. They donât need to be your new friend, but you never know how meeting someone can introduce you to new things. Or invite someone over that you miss and havenât seen in a long time. How are they? What are they up to?Â
7. Take up a new hobby
Whether you do it once a week or twice a week, try something new. It could be swimming, painting, reading, whatever! Try something new and schedule a time to do it once a week. Take a class. You may never know who youâll meet or what youâll learn about yourself.
âSuddenly youâre in your 20âs and youâre screaming along in the car to all the songs you listened to when you were sad in middle school and high school. And everything is different. But everything is good.â
â Z