@allhailthekey - Tumblr Blog

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

gorbling

hapalopus

More from the notes:

vexwerewolf

I love this post

karifaevt

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

ilikecheddarpopcorn

wait- was that a fucking aftg socmed au tweet?? 😭

tediousmalcontentt

my favorite scene in all of literature is when Neil Josten wakes up in Columbia after being drugged, hurls an alarm clock at Aaron, dumps his water on the floor and throws the cup at Aaron, stuff his clothes down the toilet and squeezes out through the window, has the foresight to call Matt from a pay phone to protect his shit, hitch hikes back to campus, eyes back to brown?? shows up on Wymack’s door like 😜 and reveals he could speak German the whole time?? CHARACTER OF ALL TIME, that is a protagonist who knows how MOVE THE MFING PLOT ALONG

peggyrose19

me? making a 273 page document of all the aftg extra content? available for anyone to view, print, and download? instead of doing homework? nooo of course not. couldn’t be me. definitely not what this is

nezuxi

geminidaydreamer

Shinee's Key and Minho at the airport

wantbytaemin

new minkey old married couple content dropped and we are EATING GOOD!

huntress1013

Those two idiots straight up kill me 🥹🫶

yeehawpim

keep going

otdiaftg

Nicky digs his fingers into Neil's thigh under the table, a silent and desperate reminder to keep his mouth shut. Neil leaves half-moon marks on the back of Nicky's hand with his fingernails and counts to ten. He only makes it to four before Riko opens his mouth again. "What a coward," Riko says with exaggerated disappointment. "Just like his mother." Neil stops counting. "You know, I get it," Neil says. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court —yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time." "Neil," Kevin says, low and frantic. Neil ignores him. "I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone." Jaws drop up and down the line; Raven symmetry shatters as they stare at Neil in stupefied disbelief. Riko's expression could have frozen hell, but Neil was too upset to be afraid. He'd have a nervous breakdown later. Right now he leans forward and looks down the table at Dan, who sits with her face buried in her hands. "Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice." "Matt," Dan says, almost choking on his name. "Matt, Coach. Get Coach. Oh my god." Matt leaves as fast as he could.

Day: Saturday, September 9th Time: 5:45 PM EST

homunculus-argument

Imagine an alien sharing a cool human fact they just learned like ”hey guys did you know that the silvery markings on humans actually aren’t true stripes? They’re called stretch marks, they happen when the human is growing fast enough to actually outgrow their skin, which is apparently something that just fucking happens to almost all of them at some point of their life.”

and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”

”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”

”I swear if you tell me one more weird human thing today I’m beating your ass.”

thantos1991

The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"

cosmicbumfights

"what do you mean cats can see them, but I can't?"

messiambrandybuck

what do you fucking mean cats can see them

beenovel

I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THOUGHT PROCESS

MY CAT THINKS I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!?

messiambrandybuck

NO NO ITS NOT "IT THINKS I HAVE THEM"

BECAUSE WE DO APPARENTLY

SO ITS ACTUALLY A VERY DISTRESSED "MY CAT THINKS I KNOW I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!"

AND I THINK THATS A BIT WORSE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST

beenovel

MY CAT KNEW I HAD STRIPES BEFORE I DID?!?!?!?!?!?

messiambrandybuck

I DIDNT THINK OF THAT

beenovel

WELL I DID AND NOW I CANT UNTHINK IT

blueberryrock

@beenovel @messiambrandybuck these are the variants

beenovel

WHAT

messiambrandybuck

apparently there's a disease where they become visable, and these are the most common kind??

Ngl it looks cool but???? I'm still in shock tbh

hachama

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT PATTERN OF STRIPES I HAVE AND THE CATS WON'T TELL ME

yupokaysuremhm

I COULD HAVE A CHECKERBOARD ON MY BACK AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW???

sinestrocas

demonoflight

They’re called Blaschko's lines!!!

injuries-in-dust

The reverse can also be true ... kinda.

I remember reading somehwre the human eye can see more shades of green than any other colour. I just googled it and the human eye can see 10 Million different shades of green.

So human could see stripes and patterns on, say, a reptillian race who maybe can’t see as many colours as we do, and think they’re just one boring shade of green.

Human: We have stripes?! I wish I could see them. I hope they look like yours.

Reptile Alien: Wait, I HAVE STRIPES!

*mutual excitement all around*

your-name-is-jim

Sometimes I need to remember that this movie is real, and so are these lines.

merrysithmas

ok but the scene in the Wrath of Khan where kirk is called down to the radiation chamber bc spock is dying is.... SO SO spousal-coded like my god

the tones everyone uses, the stilted silences, the unwillingness or inability to say those words to kirk's face.

the dread in bone's voice. the doctor. that TONE.

"jim you better get down here. hurry."

god it haunts me ever since the first time i watched it! it was just so REAL. and jim knows it. instantly. just like any loving partner would. it's even in the script that bone's tone scares him.

the words no one ever wants to hear. he's about to lose his life partner of 20 years. publically. - and everyone knows it.

he RUNS down to engineering, the way it is filmed it takes so long and it's so horrible like time is stretched out. you dont want to get to the end but you have to - just like jim. and the whole time your heart is pounding just as his is. and the expressions he is met with from bones and scotty... heartbreaking.

like walking into a hospital room where you only need to exchange those horrid expressions.

he is initially angry, barely has any time to register or react before it's over.