he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@allmyemotion5
like i don’t get it. what makes me so worthless compared to the other girls? what can i do to have more worth. i don’t understand. im confused. im sad. im hopelessly desperate. for someone to tell me im enough. for someone who is so loving i think i deserve more than what i have. i just want something to change. for once. please.
https://iglovequotes.net/
“You can’t see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears.” - C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
new year, new me.
this year, 2019, hasn’t been my hardest year, but still very far away from the destination i dream of. i overcame so much. such as, overcoming a massive and heavy depression phase which began at the beginning of 2018. i could talk about this horrible time for days upon days, but i think right now, for me, it’s best to look at the positives. learning to get through these hard times, gave my rock bottom confidence a bit of a boost. this past year, i tightened up my friend group and am beyond happy with how far we have all come. my friends mean the absolute world to me and i, honest to god, don’t know what i would do with out them. i don’t know if i’d even be alive. anyways, back to the good stuff! i went through huge learning curves which made me that much of a better person. i have had a few family issues this year, but i ended up getting closer to one of my siblings. this year hadn’t all been great though. i fell extremely hard for someone i can’t have. their amazing personality and charming messages had me hooked. it took me way too long to get over them (am i over them?) and it was painful all the way through. this leaves me desperate as ever at the end of the year because my friends are getting on with new people better whereas my situation hasn’t changed, one bit. yes, i love being that supportive friend who is always there to listen to their stories, in fact it gives me hope for my own case. but how much hope is required in order for me to see the same results? i just want someone to love me and prove to me i am worth more than what i think i am.
i’m tired of talking about last year! out with the old and in with the new! 2020 is going to be the year of self acceptance. yes, i realize a lot of my romantic issues stem from my shy personality which prevents me from being myself right away when i meet someone new. but, it’s a part of who i am. i am awkward - and there’s nothing i can do about it! once i accept this, i will be able to allow others to see how much of an amazing person i can be once they prove it is safe to let down my walls. i want to improve my self confidence through this process. i hope that me and my friends all continue to push ourselves to do better. 2020 is going to also be the year i start my last year of high school. which is so exciting. hard work and determination will help me push through the year and get out of that hell!
anyways. this year, i’m not making my new year resolution to lose weight or get a boyfriend. this year is all about accepting, loving and doing more for me.
how could i ask for someone to find me, if i’m lost in my own head?
jw - @allmyemotion5
“The trouble with fiction is that it makes too much sense. Reality never makes sense.”
— Aldous Huxley
when you want to write something really deep but it ends up sounding like
okay. this is about to get personal.
so this new account is gaining followers everyday and i’m thankful for each and every one of you. i got tumblr because i wanted to be able to have a place to store all my thoughts on my phone. like a safe place for when i’m upset. anyways. i thought i would tell you guys a little about me and how i relate to some of the quotes you see reposted by me. i get it. weird. she goes out of her way to make her profile look as anonymous as possible and here she goes trying to talk about herself. i don’t know lol. trying something new, i guess.
i’m a 16 year old girl named jess. i’m in high school and one day i hope to become a vet. oh. here’s something pretty significant. i haven’t had my first kiss yet. you’re probably thinking that i’m hideous and often i agree with you. but you have no idea how beautiful i am inside and out. i’ve spent most of my teenage years helping my friends with their relationship issues, which i am pretty good at. but the truth is that i’m a hopeless romantic who gets scared when meeting new people. has obviously been depressed. had/has anxiety. anyways. that’s just a little about me, but it’s all i feel like sharing on my feed right now. if you find yourself curious about more of my story, please message me! i’m more than happy to talk with any of you. thank you for reading <3
trust me.
ugly people do not look like you.
ugly people don’t act like you.
ugly people don’t love like you.
