I don't tell you I'm aromantic, because you'd dismiss it and forget I ever said anything, go back to pretending I'm normal.
I am aroallo, that allo part happens to be bisexuality, but as I am completely aro, there will be no partner and therefore I won't have to bring someone of the same gender home and explain myself. I can keep my bi-ness to myself. You'd only think it was weird and gross if I taught you what aroallo is anyway.
I don't fight you when you make sweeping generalisations about people, because it's futile. I can't change your mind and I know if I tried, I'd have to explain being aro and see your expression as you categorise it into some stupid modern thing the 'weirdos' have made up, and dismiss it, dismiss me.
But sometimes, I look at you, and I know that if I had something 'really different' about me, if I was trans, or gay, or anything visible, anything that would actually affect you, I would soon discover that your love is very conditional. That your affection has strings attached. Instead I just happen to be fortunate enough to be born complying with them... at least outwardly.
Because not having a partner gets comments and jokes, but its ultimately accepted, as long as I keep quiet about my plans to intentionally stay that way.
But if I was visibly different, had something you couldn't dismiss away, I know how you would act, and I knew at a young age. To know at that age that your love and affection could be taken away so easily, if I was even the slightest different shade of queer, hurt as much as if you already had.
Sometimes I wish you had so that I could give tangible evidence of what upsets me. It wouldn't even be that bad in the grand scheme of things. You aren't abusive, you wouldn't hurt me, or, if I was younger, kick me out. But you wouldn't care anymore, you wouldn't love me like you were supposed to.
I am sure I am not the first to exist like this. Infact, I am sure there are many people who aren't queer at all, perfectly "normal" kids with "normal" loving parents. But they know they only get that affection due to the random chance of being born within the parameters of 'normal', of worthy.
We see how you talk about others. We see your judgement. We know. We always knew, and it changes everything.
