build castles in the air

I keep a dream diary in a little notebook. these are actual dreams that I've had and have written down. I'm putting them up here to achieve two things: to make it easier to sort and identify common themes, and to help with an illustration project I want to do based off my dreams. WARNING: Mature Audences only. apparently I dream about sex/kissing alot. with guys and girls. with mostly girls. Also Follow my Trip Journal

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6 years! &11/24

This blog is 6 years old now! Yay! I was actually just thinking about how thankful i am that i made this, and today i got an email reminding me exactly how long ago that was! ... Entering some large building, following a few exec types. 4 or 5 stories high, lots of staircases with moving platforms near the top, elevators take special knowlege to navigate. I get scared about jumping a gap and head back on a sliding platform. By lake spfld, looking at homes, theres a waiting list to buy, so people have all their stuff lined up along the road. I go further back, and theres a big party for some kid with hundreds of people. I'm expected to go, but i just kinda hang out on the side and talk to people. Im outside now theres lots of people from my hs and old work. Someone sees an old classmate up ahead and asks me if i know kian, and i say yes but he doesnt know me, and so they wave at him and watch to see if he waves at me, but we both look down. I cross the street in a sea of people, see more old coworkers, think about telling classmates with Pink bags i used to work at VS. Cross the street again, see a shop called "what white women wear"

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Backlog 11/6 - 11/22

Ive been keeping a log in an app designed for lucid dreaming (awoken), its been easier than making a post on tumblr. Still keeping stuff here for a record.

11/6 S Korea to japan: train or plane? No train to America. Wearing horns, horns split to two points each, I adjust to align them. Looking for the prop shop, it was to be closed but then opened. Walking along storefronts (inside?) receptionist walks up and asks what I’m looking for “is gorilla tango… down there?” (I point “south” where I hadn’t been), as we go she mentions they have inspections happening and I tell her I know. I watch the people working.

11/7 Halloween costume I wanted to wear was just a bikini with a black sheet wrapped bandeau

11/9 Trying on shoes but they’re too small and I can feel them pinching my toes

11/11 Standing on a small hill, some sort of game being played?

11/13 Finding a place on Belmont? (Light gray skies, busy colorful streets). Thought it was good and close to job A, but not so much job B

11/14 Had just gotten finished with a short shift at CC, as I’m leaving I turn to chris, and tell him not to schedule me again if it’s gonna be less than 8 hours to not schedule me, and so I was thinking I wouldn’t have any more work there but then I got an email for another shift

11/16 I was putting some stuff on shelves, wearing only a shirt, no underwear. Some old dude behind me kept trying to look at my butt and i kept shifting out of the way.

Someone was asking if we could get out through a passage, i recognised the place from my dreams and told them no, but that there was an underground tunnel we could get to the other building through.

11/17 A medical chart was marked that i had an ear infection and rotten wisdom teeth

11/20 Some girl is setting up theater chairs were gonna watch. She sets up the first row and all the chairs have her stuff in them, so i put a chair behind one with not much stuff in it. Something about buying bras from VS pink. There is some guy im taking to, and i know if we keep talking he will try and make out with me, and i cant have that happen, because im with pete. Im walking along with some people and i must realise im dreaming or something because i show them i can fly/jump really high, and im showing some furry black jelly creature behind a fence.

11/22 Jumped from one roof to another long roof, talking to people far away as i do. I was picking up long blocks off the top of the roof as i circled it. Im sitting in a dark theater full of people, most of the way back on the left side. Trump enters from the back, and i start a “hillary” chant, but then i stop and let everyone else continue it.

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10/27

I have a pile of small animal skulls, and im searching through them looking for one that still has the rear teeth in its jaw (for some reason I’m calling them canines, but it was the molars I was looking for). I finally find a fox skull or something with a single molar still attached to the jaw, show it to the teacher(?) And she tells me I can start painting it. I keep looking through the pile and for some reason now im finding lots of skulls with their full sets of teeth (though many are still missing).

Im down in some courtyard below a bunch of apartments (I live in the one at the very top, I can see my roommates decorations in the window- they have a poster of a yellow/Blue Beast eye). I’m telling someone about my dream, and my voice is loud and echoing, enough that I know the person in the other top apartment could still hear my dreams even though I hadn’t written them down in a long while.

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9/15

I see the full moon with a red halo rising over a fence, and I remember I should practice the akasagarbha mantra

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9/14

Theres some sort of (recreational) “camp” im at, theyre talking about how much space they have, but im right near the corner of the fence around it. The corner is filled in with dirt and grass because we’re on a steep slope that goes into some jungle-looking trees, and 100 yards to our left I see train tracks with big steel bars around over where the train goes.

Im walking through some sort of small town. I go into a restaurant and talk to the waiter about something, and when he goes into the back, I take a plastic cup, fill it with water and walk out with it. I go behind the buildings so he doesnt see me. As im walking and drinking the water I realise the cup is cracked down both sides. As im walking, I keep noticing kids playing on a sort of skinny playground running along the treeline. The swings form a sort of barrier, with gaps every so often created by playhouses and plastic slides that lead back into the woods. Eventually I feel comfy with going onto the playground (im not a kid nor do I have one with me), and im about to go into the woods when I notice to my left a small arts building with auto sliding doors, and I go in. At first its just a hallway with some children's art, with rooms to the sides with automatic doors that are just more of the same hallways. I find one room that is a glass maze and I play in it with a boy and a girl. I reach the center and touch a small silver cube floating at eye level and I disappear. The kids are confused and run to the adults overseeing a relay race in a big room next to the maze. I'm actually still watching/am there in a "copy" of myself (my brain makes up some story about how I'd time traveled forward and that version disappeared back into my own time or was now trapped in the cube?) and now I was the self that was in the timeline I'd traveled to. I went up to the game master to ask him wtf had happened to me, but he just shushed me and I nodded and turned to watch the races.

I'm working at taco bell again, theres still a lot of people I know working there (but theyre actually all my VS coworkers). I make a double decker taco w nacho cheese, then a huge order comes in with double meat and I have to confirm each item individually. I only have one scoop of steak for the steak taco so I have to get more from the freezer, and when I get back, a tall girl doing expediting is calling me Stevie and I have to explain why. I also mention that it's been two years since I worked there.

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9/13 & past

So lately my dreams have been more vivid, though not necessarily more memorable, at least theyre not as mundane as they used to be, and I seem to be able to remember more of the dream *while im still in the dream* which I will elaborate on later A few memorable dreams from the past few weeks: A body, with its extremities all contorted and blood-filled, im trying to unfold its hands, but theyre all fucked up. (I think this was because I was sleeping with my hands all crumpled up) .. "Vacation valley" (I think this is the same valley ive passed through in numerous other dreams). The valley is a huge water park, im going down a twisty water slide, when suddenly it loops back up and I realise im going backwards, so I get out of the slide and drop down into the water, just missing a large rock. .. I recount the dream I just had to some people (I didnt remember what the dream was after I woke up though) ..... Last nights dreams: I go on a date with this kid to a movie theater, and then we go back to my place and watch another movie, and we start kissing and then having sex, and the whole time I'm thinking I shouldnt be doing this but I am anyway, and I put my feet up on the arm of the couch so I can move my hips better and he makes some comment about twerking. Eventually he says "hang on a sec" and stops thrusting, and I start to panic because I never saw him put on a condom, but then he pulls out and he has a condom on that he takes off. I sit there and get ready to tell him I cant be his girlfriend, and I start to worry about what petes gonna think about me fucking a black guy, and then I see pete at the back door and go to let him in. I guess I start panicking enough that I realise I'm dreaming, and I make sure by checking my memory of it and realised the table was in the wrong spot, and we dont actually own a couch. So I try to figure out why I wanted to cheat on pete, and it was probably just because I wanted someone to be nice to me, but it worrys me that I was just so willing to cheat on him, and I'm scared that I've broken trust because of what I'd done (it was still hard to separate the dream reality from real reality, as im fairly sure I was asleep this whole time). I'm at a party that is adjacent to a FE party. The numbers are dwindling down and someone shows me a gps app showing 3 dots in the next room and suggests we go figure out who it is. I go out onto the balcony and rest my hand on the banister but its not sturdy and it starts to fall forward, so I pull myself up real quick. I go downstairs to see who is there and matt is dj'ing, and Greg and ben and a few other people are milling about. I start dancing, and I realise I can float when I spin, and I do that thing again where I think that this is reality and I can do the dream thing in real life, and I tell everyone to watch me while I do a quintuple-axle spin in midair.

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7/27

I'm waiting for the bus by the brown line station, and it passes me without stopping because I'm on the other side of the street not at the bus stop. I get mad (even though I realise I'm on the wrong side of the street), and start yelling a string of obscenities that ends with "stupid n*****", and I turn to see a black woman crossing the street look back and glare at me, and I shake my head.

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7/26

Someone has the same sunglasses as me but the pattern is slightly shifted. Im going into cbd to pick something up, when I realise im actually half an hour late for my other job. I go in and try to tell stacey this, but she just says stuff like "oh well its a good thing you got here," "well lets just do this real quick", and im like "no I NEED to go, I have a car so I can get there quick but I need to leave", but she wouldnt let me.

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7/23

I find the bag with the dandelion roots in it. I open it and was excited to see that the bigger root was actually two roots, but it is actually just the dandelion flowers, stalks, and leaves. I'm in a waiting room for some kind of children's class. I don't think I'm the teacher or a student but I seem to be some sort of organizer. 3 women come in and I ask them if they had registered and selected a teacher for their kids. Two say no, but one says yes, so I lead her forward to the chairs the kids had been sitting in, but all the kids had gone to class and it's just big piles of clothes on the chairs, and she pushes one of the piles over so she can sit.

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7/21

I see a newspaper(?) article about how stacey m had just died. The photo is a bunch of people at a party, the article says something about her going somewhere (or going to sleep) and never coming back.

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7/19

I try to call matt but his phone was shut off.

Some girl isnt feeling well so I ask her if she wants oatmeal, and she says yes. I ask if she wants fruit in it, mango or strawberries? She says mango, and since thats what I usually eat I decide to make two bowls. I think about asking her if she wants yogurt and blueberries on top but I figure ill ask that when I finish cooking it.

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7/13

We have bought the dream apartment, and are moving in, and I'm looking at all the different rooms. My bedroom is on the top floor and is the smallest one. There's two other rooms on the top floor and one is empty, to be used as an art studio or living room, the other is my mom's bedroom. I go down to the first floor and expect to see most of those rooms empty, but my friends are living in them. I start to think that I should be paying less if there are so many people, and I go downstairs to look at those rooms, and theres one person in one room. I go into the empty one, or so I think, its shaped like the other room almost like an L, its a large room with a "hall" atthe back left corner, I go back there and expect it to be storage but there's a bed back there.

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7/10

Im sitting at a table (made of 2x4s) with a bunch of people, I have my shirt off but I'm wearing a hoodie unzipped, and I realise this when the guy next to me (someone from hs?) puts his arm around me. I know ill have to stop him if he tries to grab my boobs, and I start to wonder why he thinks its ok to do that when I realise I must have rated him highly on some app and he got a notification for it, so I had to get up and leave.

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7/8

[Multivitamin again, but the alarm woke me up and the dream situation was difficult to put into words] A bunch of young girls are taking over the jobs of adult men because they cant do them anymore.

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7/7 & 7/6

[So I realised that taking a multivitamin before bed helps me remember my dreams and/or makes them more vivid. Im gonna look into which vitamin(s) it is specifically] (Yesterday 7/6) Someone came into my work asking for empanadas, so I go to taco bell and order some and a soft taco, the girl asks me if I want quac on my taco. Apparently I work there too because the boss left a new shirt for me on the counter. As I look closer I see the two tan ones have "Reyes" and "Aguilar", and the navy one closest to me is blank, but has an embroidered "Stef" inside the package waiting to be ironed on. (7/7 - slept 2-3h then woke up for a bit around 1:40 ate a piece of chicken and a multivitamin and took a while to fall back asleep) I get two envelopes full of folded papers returned to me. They were bills (rent?) I had sent out a while back. The stamps are marked with those wavy lines, but no dates, so im not sure if I can send them out again. I open one, and its a strange amount, to a place I dont recognise (so I look at the addresses to make sure I didnt just send them to myself), so im looking through my checkbook and I dont see it so I start to write another one. Someone has already signed the signature line, I realise as im halfway through my name, the first name kinda lines up, but the last name has too many upward strokes, I read it and it says "Eugene Radish". So I go looking for him, im following(?) him around a big apartment building, and im about to give up when I see Colin down a set of stairs, so I stand at the top and watch him, he's just knocked on the door and he's moving around impatiently. I leave because I don't think he wants to see me there. So now I'm on a bus, out the window I see someone standing in a doorway and I think it's Eugene/jenka. I sart shouting that he's a motherfucker and flipping him off, and then I realise he doesn't look anything like him. I turn to gina and ask "wait is that Jamie??" And she says "no, thats a new guy, he's a real asshole". The bus continues on, and a bunch of people are walking out of the woods on the right side of the road. Some are in groups, some are individuals, but all of them had been on some sort of scavebger hunt. I'm at my high school now (but its the jr high building), it's graduation time or we're all just watching a movie in the auditorium. I go into the auditorium once and it's really crowded. I come out and walk around the halls a bit, and go to talk to gina. I tell her about how a year or two ago I had lost a bracelet/wristband, and I cried because of it (at that point kaitlin (s?) comes up to her locker and overhears me) but then someone brought it back to me. At that moment Beepy walks by and hands me a long piece of holographic rainbow ribbon cut in two (about the width of those slap bracelets but maybe 4x the length), which is perfect because I had lost it and needed it for graduation (??). I go back into the auditorium, and a girl (april) is sitting in the middle of the aisle watching a tiny screen. I say excuse me, and she moves over a few inches and I barely squeeze by. I go back to where I had been sitting earlier, its not nearly as crowded, and an usher walks by counting people and he looks at me (because I'm not famous) and asks "how'd you get to sit up here? Is it because you know that guy?" (Indicating "my friend" on my left (of the red hot chili peppers(?))), and I start to wonder if this guys trying to fuck me so I go over to gina and start flipping through my checkbook, and show her all the drawings in it. I go to the front of the theater, and everyone is facing towards the back and has their own screen. Someone had texted me asking about one of my ex gfs and I told her she's a flake. I'm skateboarding in the street (or I might be roller skating, or on a rolling chair), and another guy is skateboarding next to me pushing a stroller. We're going up a hill and I start spinning around, and it slows me down significantly.

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7/2

Im mad at my dad for some reason. He’s saying something to me from across the room and im yelling and flipping him off.

I go out to the garage to move the van (car?) out so I can load my stuff into it, but my dad’s white car is in front of it (through the clear garage door). I figure he’ll move it in the morning when he leaves for work, so I turn it so the back is angled towards the door so I can load it up.

Im outside with some people (in the strong’s yard?) and a rat starts burrowing out from under the sidewalk (I hear it announce that he is carrying something, and has a companion), and we see his tail first, like an earthworm, then his body, and I poke him a few times with my trowel. He goes back under the sidewalk and starts digging out the other side, and I press the trowel vertically against the edge of the sidewalk where he is coming out. Eventually he gets out and is running around, he gets inside (its my old apt’s living room (where we had the rat)) and he climbs up the wall from behind the couch, and scurries across the cieling, and I chase him around with the trowel.

I'm walking around the grocery store, and I pass a father and son, and the son has a bag of candies that's green on one side and has the flavor written on in sharpie, and I see him eat one, and as I turn the corner I say "those candies are really good aren't they?" and the dad goes "damn right they are!" just as I move out of sight. I walk around a little more and catch up with pete as the store clears out, and I tell him I saw a kid with a bag of candies.

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6/22

I'm hanging out with a bunch of people, and ezra is there. It seems like he is vaguely flirting with me, and I remember that I kissed him once. We all stand in a circle, I stand with pete to my right, and ezra comes up on my left. Ezra shoves me a little, which pushes me into pete, so pete shoves back, which pushes me into ezra. I try staying as still as possible as they continue to push me back and forth, but theyre both so close to me that they can feel whenever the other pushes me, so I take a step back, and remember how annoying ezra is. Pete and I go into another room so I can talk to him, and I see ezra try to follow us in, so I tell him to "leave me the fuck alone" and slam the door on him. Pete and I start arguing, and I shout about how I'm allowed to hang out with people if he is too. A calico cat has had kittens since I saw her a day ago. I go up to her, and pet each of the kittens one at a time (who all look exactly like the mother (except theyre all calico at first, and then switch to grey)), all of them are nursing except for one, who is at the edge of the crib theyre in, and I think hes gonna be like this other kitten I knew, and when I pet him, he bites my finger and crawls into my arms, and I think yes he is exactly like that other kitten.