Quick explanation / warning (?) : My Imagines, I want the reader to close their eyes and picture whoever they want. I write strictly for Sapphics & Lesbians…I’ll write about a specific character if someone requests for it.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔* °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*: °❀⋆.
❀ Masterlist ❀
♡ Film Major Reader x Hockey Player Love Interest:
Part 1
Part 2
♡ [Fashionista Reader] Opposites attract:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
♡ Summer Camp Slasher
Part 1
Part 2
☆ Oneshots:
Best friends to lover Scenario
[90s AU] Wrong Number Scenario
“You shouldn’t spend your birthday alone.”
The Piano Teacher
♫ Song Inspired:
Silk lingerie,
Lose my cool
La tortura (Torture)
❀ Actual Imagines / Quick Reads:
Imagine #1
Imagine #2
Imagine #3
Imagine #4
Imagine #5
Imagine #6
Imagine #9
Imagine #10
Imagine #26
Special Imagines #29 & #30
♡ (ON HOLD) M.U.A series:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔* °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*: °❀⋆.
Thank you to everyone who got me to 2500 likes and 100 reblogs and all the other milestones tumblr notifs me about. I’m so appreciative of every single one of you all. You all keep me motivated and encouraged. Don’t be afraid to request, reblog, like, even follow me. I follow back and I’m so down to write for you & even talk to you. Sending you all kisses and hugs.
[After a car crash leaves your leg broken, you're stuck in the Emergency Room. But the person next to you makes you feel less alone]
| mentions: drunk driving - a bar fight - blood - broken leg - stitches - medical care - etc| meet cute| light hearted| pure fluff | heavy dialogue - one setting | insert female love interest | angst if you squint| 4.3k words
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨ᰔ୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹⋆. ̊⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨ᰔ୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹⋆. ̊
The crash wasn’t super violent. It was loud and glass shattering (literally), the sound of tires screeching across the wet concrete would forever be engraved in your brain. You remembered dazely blinking at the grey sky, unsure if you were upside down.
Now, several hours later, you sat propped up on a stiff ER bed. The sterile scent was basically clouding your senses. Your leg is in a temporary cast, aching in a way that makes it hard to focus on anything around you. A nurse had just left after reassuring you.
“You’re lucky. Nothing too serious. Just a break and bruising."
But you didn’t feel lucky.
You hated hospitals. The curtain surrounding your little corner of the ER felt suffocating. You hated the beeping machines and the squeaky wheels of gurneys, and most of all you hated being alone in them.
“Are you kidding me?” A voice broke through the feeling of being alone. Tad bit raspy, sharp edged, definitely pissed off. “You’re telling me I need stitches AND a tetanus shot? That is RIdiculous. I-It’s barely a scratch.”
Your head turns towards the thick curtain beside you. The voice was muffled, but not enough to hide their frustrated tone or the very obvious sarcasm.
“You’re bleeding through your clothes,” a nurse said flatly.
“So? That’s…like… nothing,” a scoff, “I’m fine.”
You raised a brow, a small smile tugging at the corner of your mouth despite your. Whoever was next to you was clearly having a worse day… or at least a louder one.
“Are you always this dramatic?” you called out before you could stop yourself. You weren’t like this usually, but given the circumstances of the day. Who gives a shit?
A pause from both the person and the nurse. Then the sound of fabric shifting, like someone sat up suddenly.
“Excuse me?”
You smirked, “...just saying. I’ve got a broken leg and even I’m not whining that hard.”
Another pause, then, begrudgingly…a short laugh.
“Okay,” the voice responded. “Nurse, we've got a comedian next door.”
There was a moment of silence. Not really silence, just the nurse saying some medical things to her, before leaving.
“I’m not whining,” She scoffed from behind the curtain. “This just a lil scratch.”
You hummed. “Right right. Except the nurse JUST told you that you’re bleeding through your shirt. Sounds a little worse than a scratch..”
She huffed. “It’s not that deep.”
“Uh huh. Yet you need stitches and a tetanus shot..."not that deep"” You did air quotes as if she could see you.
A second of silence.
"That's not the point."
You held back a laugh, your mouth turning into a straight line. "Yea. The point being that you should ignore medical professionals?"
"You know what I mean."
"Mm hmm."
“You’re really enjoying this, huh Nosey?”
“Jus’a little.”
The noise she made was between frustration and amusement. “You talk a whole lot for someone with an alleged broken leg.”
“And you’re still arguing with me, so what does that say about you?”
Another pause. Then a long dragged out sigh.
“Alright. That’s it.” Before you could ask what she meant, the curtain yanked open.
She stood there, a mix of irritation and curiosity in her eyes. She wasn’t really what you expected, wearing a blood streaked flannel over a plain tee, her sleeves pushed up. Her hair was messy, like she’d run a hand through it way too many times, and her expression was half a scowl, half a smirk.
You, for her part, must have been a sight. Your hair was a tangled mess, dried blood stained the front of your shirt, on your forehead an actual scratch. And she knew you had at least a few bandages on your arms. That damn leg…ouch
But despite everything, her eyes lingered on you just for a second, before she crossed her arms.
“Well,” she said, cocking up a brow. “You look like shit.”
You grinned. “You should see the other guy.”
A huffed laugh as she shook her head. “Yea, alright. I’ll give you that one.”
The air between you two shifted from irritation, to more fascination. The bloody woman leaned against the edge of the bed next to yours.
“So,” she pondered, “what’s your deal, comedian?”
You leaned back against your pillow, watching her size you up like she was trying to solve a puzzle. “My deal?” you repeated. “Well, if you must know, I was minding my business when some drunk asshole decided to fuck my car up with me inside.”
Her brows lifted slightly. “Damn. That’s rough.”
“Pff yea, tell me about it.” You exhaled sharply, shifting uncomfortably against the bed. “And what about you? What landed you in the ER?”
She hesitated for the slightest second, then shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, as she has been claiming. “Bar fight.”
You blinked twice. “You were in a bar fight?”
She smirked. “Okay, technically I wasn’t fighting. Like I didn’t start it. Some guy was being an asshole, I told him to shut up and next thing I knew, a beer bottle was involved.” She gestured vaguely to the wound beneath her flannel. “Honestly, I think the guy was just mad. I embarrassed him in front of his girlfriend.”
You gave her a look, eyes squinted. “You think?”
She grinned, tilting her head. “Well, I did call him a ‘little bitch,’ in front of half the bar.”
You let out a short laugh while shaking your head. “And you’re telling ME I talk a whole lot??”
“Hey,” she chuckled, nudging the leg of your hospital bed with her foot. “...at least I can back mine up.”
You gestured down at yourself, leg propped up and immobile. “Yeah, well, I would’ve fight back, but as you can see…kinda in a disadvantage here.”
She glanced at your cast and smirked. “Right. Guess that means I win by default.”
You gasped, fake offended. “As if..”
She just grinned wider. “Oh? And what are you gonna do ‘bout it, Nosey?”
You narrowed your eyes, clearly planning something or a comeback. But before you could retaliate:
A nurse calls out her full name.
The nurse poked her head into the section, looking between you both with some disapproval…mainly at the abled bloodied one. “Didn’t I tell you to stay put while we got your stitches ready?”
She sighed, a bit dramatically. “Technically, I am in my section. It’s just… slightly expanded?”
The nurse didn’t look impressed. “Get back in YOUR bed. Now.”
You bit your lip to keep from laughing as she rolled her eyes but eventually shuffled back to her own bed, flopping down with exaggerated reluctance.
The nurse closed the curtain before she disappeared once again. But that curtain didn't stay closed for long. “Guess I’m stuck with you for a little longer.” she smirked.
You shrugged, a glint of amusement in your eyes. “Could be worse.”
“Yeah,” she turned her head to face you, “Could be way worse.” And you smiled.
…
The hospital stay dragged on longer than either of you expected. Nurses bustled in and out, checking vitals, patching up enough to be considered “no neglect,” updating charts, and making vague promises about “soon.” Meanwhile, you and your new ER buddy kept up your relentless back and forth, neither willing to let the other have the last word.
No break or pauses, just consistent teasing, sarcasm, and the occasional time outs disguised as casual conversation. At some point, between her complaining about the hospital food and you recounting the ridiculousness of the EMT who tried to flirt with you while securing your leg, You smirked and cocked your head.
“Be honest,” you said, your eyes full with mischief. “Did you cry when you got hurt?”
She scoffed immediately. “What? Hell no.”
You raised a skeptical brow. “Not even a little?”
She folded her arms. “Nah. I don’t cry over dumb shit like this.”
You hummed, pretending to think it over. “Mmm. So you’re saying if I asked the nurse, she wouldn’t say anything different?”
Truth is, this was the most she’s ever been hurt. She cried like a child on her way to the ER. And if it weren’t for you being across from her, she would’ve been bitching and moaning to the nurses.
She narrowed her eyes.“You wouldn’t.”
You grin. “Try me.”
She shook her head, but there was a hint of amusement in her expression. “Okay comedian, did YOU cry?”
You hesitated just a second too long.
Her smirk widened. “Oh ho ho. You so did.”
“I literally got hit by a car, okay?” You shot back, crossing your arms. “I think I deserve a tear or two.”
She chuckled. “Damn. And here I thought you were tougher than me.”
You scoffed. “I was crying in pain. You? You probably cried cause you realized you had to pay hospital bills or something.”
Her mouth opened ready to argue, but then she closed it, squinting at you. “…Okaay, maybe.”
You beamed. “Aha! Exactly.”
She groaned, running a hand down her face. “I hate you.”
You leaned back, looking so smug. “No you don’t.” The woman sighed, shaking her head, small smile growing on lips..
…
Eventually, the laughter settled down. The energy was something easier, something almost comfortable. It’s the type of energy that is so familiar between two people, that shouldn’t exist between strangers.
You shifted in bed, adjusting your leg as best you could. “Y’know,” you started, tilting your head towards her, “we been going back and forth for, like, ever, and I still don’t know your name.”
You’ve heard the nurses call her name out, but was it her name? To you, a proper greeting felt more real than just learning her name from someone else.
Honestly, she hadn’t realized it either. When she said her name, you repeated it softly, then immediately ruined the moment.
“Oh word?”
She raised a brow. “What?”
You shrugged. “You just sound like that would be your name...”
She huffed. “Whatever that means.” She eyed you. “Imma take it as a compliment.“
“It is.” You smiled genuinely.
She looked away. Then asked a quiet “and you?” You told her your name. She glanced back at you.
"Yeah."
"Yeah?" Your head tilted to the side slightly.
"You sound like your name too."
You immediately grinned. "Oh word?"
She groaned. “Literally shut up.”
Before you could retort, the nurse popped back in. “I swear, if you leave your bed again–”
“I’m not!” she said quickly, holding her hands up in fake ass innocence.
The nurse squinted at her, then at you, before sighing and disappearing again.
There was a beat of silence. Then she stood right back up and promptly walked right back into your section.
You snorted, “Gee you have no self preservation.”
She plopped down on the stool beside your bed with a smirk. “What’re they gonna do, kick me out?”
You rolled your eyes, but you didn’t tell her to leave. Instead, you leaned back and exhaled. “Well, at least it’s not that bad,” you said, motioning to your leg. “Just need a cast, and I’ll be good as new. Eventually…hopefully”
She nodded, glancing at the cast like she was considering something. Then she looked back up at you. “So. You gonna let me sign it?”
You blinked once, twice, maybe thrice. “You think you earned that privilege?”
She looked a bit offended, then laughed softly. “Duh. I’ve been entertaining you this whole time.”
And you laughed alongside her, shaking your head. “Alright. You can sign it.”
She? She looked ridiculously pleased with herself. “Hell yeah.”
…
Eventually, two nurses showed up with a tray and a very serious expression, and she groaned the second she saw them.
“No,” she said, already leaning back in her chair like a sulky child. “Wait. I’m not ready yet.”
“You said that fifteen minutes ago,” one of the nurses replied flatly, pulling on gloves.
She muttered something under her breath as they motioned her back to her own bed. With an exaggerated sigh, she stood and shuffled away. Just before disappearing behind the curtain, she looked over her shoulder at you. “If I don’t make it… tell the hospital they’re getting a 1 out of 5 stars on Yelp.”
“Oh def will do.” You nodded as if that was a serious note.
The curtain swished closed, and you immediately leaned just a little closer, trying to listen. A quiet, muffled conversation followed, one of the nurses explaining what they were doing, the rustle of medical packaging, a strict “hold still.”
And then: “Shit! Okay, ow.”
You bit back a laugh.
“Deep breaths,” her name came from the nurse’s voice, patient but unimpressed.
“I am breathing,” she shot back. “This just sucks.”
Then silence, that made you squint at the curtain, expecting to hear sniffles.
After a few minutes, one of the nurses spoke up. “Okie, stitches are done. You’ll need to stay for the tetanus shot.”
The whimper that escaped was impossible to miss. “Wha-what? I thought you were joking with that.”
More silence followed, after what felt like a lifetime the curtain slowly peeled open again. There she was with a suspiciously blank expression and a fresh bandage on her side. You didn’t even wait a millisecond. “So… did you cry?”
“Girl, you have to be sadistic,” she rolled her eyes before narrowing them. “You really waited for that moment, eh?”
You gave her the most innocent look you could manage. “I’m just curious.”
She walked back into your section and flopped into the chair again. “No crying. But I might’ve flinched. Like, once.”
You smiled sweetly. “Aww what a brave girl.”
She immediately covered her face with both hands. “Ughhh.” But she never moved from the chair.
…
“So…” she started, voice a little lower, “are you gonna press charges?”
For the past minute or two you sat in comfortable silence. The hum of the hospital machinery and occasional footsteps outside your little shared section filled that space. She picked at a loose thread on her sleeve, glancing at your leg. You were a bit off guard with the change of tone in her voice.
“Against the drunk driver?”
She nodded, an eyebrow slightly up, her eyes were steady and less teasing.
You exhaled slowly, fingers brushing the hospital wristband. “Yeah,” you said quietly. “I mean… I-I should, right? They coulda killed me. I dunno if they’ve done it before, but if they get away with it…” You shook your head. “Yeah. I will.”
She nodded again, not saying anything right away.
You tilted your head, eyeing her. “What about you? You gonna press charges on your bar fight opponent?"
“Guy hit me with a bottle. I should.”
“But?” You prompted.
She shrugged, jaw tight. “Eh, I'm not sure. It’s messy. He seems like the type to know cops. They'll probably handle it.”
You gave her a look. The smirk she offered never reached her eyes. “Guess I’m still figuring it out.”
You studied her for a moment, then nodded. “Well, if it helps, he definitely deserves it.”
A nurse finally appeared at your bedside, clipboard in hand and a tired smile on her face. “Alright, we’re gonna get you moved and cleaned up. Cast should be ready in a bit, we’ll take you to another room for that.”
You groaned. “Do I have to?”
“Yes,” the nurse said deadpan. You winced as the nurse gently started checking your IV and adjusting the bed. She stood automatically, stepping back to give them space.
As they started wheeling you away, you looked toward her and pointed a finger dramatically. “Don’t let anyone steal my section while I’m gone.”
She gave you a mock salute. “No promises.”
Her name escaped your lips with a soft laugh.
“I said no promises!”
You rolled your eyes but smiled as they took you down the hall, the fluorescent lights passing overhead. The distance between you two grew, but the energy stayed warm. And for the first time since the accident, you didn’t feel quite so alone.
…
You'd been gone for a while.
She watched the clock on the wall the way people watched paint dry. Then she picked up a magazine she'd found on the windowsill and flipped through it. Three times.
It was packed with old ass skincare ads and a quiz titled "Which Hot Celeb Fella Is Your Soulmate?" Her brows knitted together as she stared at the result. Bringing the magazine closer to her face, she squinted. "Who the fuck is Matt Damon?"
Eventually, she tossed the magazine aside and sank back against the bed. Her gaze drifted to the curtain where you'd been sitting before. Now everything felt empty, quiet, boring. Some random nosy stranger had somehow become the most interesting part of this hellhole.
So she did what she did best: caused problems.
Well, maybe not problems. Mostly she just annoyed the nurses. The back and forth she'd developed with them had become one of the few entertaining things about being stuck here. She hadn't expected any of them to match her energy, but somehow they always did.
Still, keeping herself entertained wasn't really the goal. The goal was hoping you'd roll back in before she got discharged.
"C'mon. You're up." A nurse appeared beside her bed, already rolling her eyes.
They dragged her off for the tetanus shot, checked her vitals one last time, then handed her a thoroughly depressing packet of discharge paperwork.
"You'll need to stick around a little longer," the nurse informed her. "Doctor still has to sign off on your prescriptions, and you're flagged for observation until then."
She blinked. "Wait. So I can't leave?"
"Correct."
A few hours ago, that would've sounded like the worst news imaginable. She would've complained the entire time. Now? You were somewhere in the hospital, getting help. There was a chance they'd bring you back to this section. And selfishly, she wanted that. Part of her worried they'd kick her out before she got the chance to see you again.
To the nurses, keeping her here longer was probably torture. To her, it just meant she might get a little more time with you.
Her wishes came true as she was drifting off. The squeak of wheels and low staff chatter rolled back into the hallway and she sat up immediately, her head snapping toward the sound. Then she heard your voice. Lower and quieter than before.
You were back.
She didn’t wait. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and practically launched herself to the curtain, dragging it open like she’d been waiting hours (because, to be fair she had).
“Well, well, look who finally–” But the words stopped in her mouth.
You were sitting propped up in your bed, your hair a little cleaner now, fresh bandages over the scratches, and that leg locked into a proper cast. But you weren't smirking. Nor were you ready with a comeback. Your eyes were red. Pretty lashes wet, those lips pressed together like if you opened your mouth, you would break. You looked… small and hurt in a different kind of way.
Her teasing expression melted away instantly. “Hey,” she said, quieter now.
You didn’t look at her right away. You stared ahead, down at your leg like it didn’t belong to you. Your voice was thin: “They said it’ll be months before I can walk right.”
She stepped inside the section, curtain falling closed behind her again.
“They said my car’s totaled,” you added, like you were listing items on a grocery list. “Like…it’s gone. Just like that.”
She moved closer but didn’t sit. She just stood beside the bed, watching you. Your name sounding foreign, she’d been calling you ‘comedian’ all day.
You blinked fast, trying not to cry again. Or trying to pretend you hadn’t in the first place. “It’s stupid. I know it is. I’m alive. People keep telling me I’m lucky.”
“You are,” she said gently. “But also? You don’t have to feel lucky right now.”
Your eyes finally met hers. So big and wet laced with anger that in some way was like grief.
“It’s just not fair,” you whispered.
And she, who didn’t usually know what to say when someone got this raw, simply nodded. “Yeah. It’s not.”
Then she reached for the chair, pulled it closer to the bed and sat.
You didn’t say anything for a while, you were breathing slowly, trying to blink away the burn behind your eyes. She didn’t push or get awkward.
She just… stayed.
But the world still spun and you exhaled, shoulders easing up. You wiped your face with the edge of the blanket, pretending it wasn’t a big deal. Your new friend leaned back in the chair, still very much not in her section and crossed one leg over the other, like she’d made herself at home.
You glanced over at her, and that unlocked something within her, to your later regret.
“...Okay, what do you call it when a cast tells a joke?”
Narrowing your eyes, you said: “No.”
“A knee slapper.”
“I will call the nurses.”
She held up a hand. “Wait, wait, I’m not done. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?”
“Gosh.”
“The living room.”
You closed your eyes, yet despite yourself. Despite everything, you let out a small, breathy laugh. She looked at you, something soft in her face now. “There it is.”
You glared at her playfully. “There what is?”
“Your smile.” She shrugged casually. “It’s pretty. Don’t waste it on tears.”
You didn’t answer right away. Your eyes lingered on her face, something unreadable there, like you weren't sure what to say. All you know was that you didn’t feel like crying anymore.
…
She stood suddenly, already halfway to the curtain. “Be right back.”
“Wait…what are you doing?” you called after her.
“You’ll see!” she shouted over her shoulder and then she was gone.
Somewhere down the hall, you heard muffled arguing: her voice rising in exaggerated desperation. “I just need a Sharpie. One Sharpie. It’s for ‘make a wish’. You people care about ‘make a wish’, right?”
You face palmed hearing her, “oh she’s going to hell.” you said to yourself.
A long pause, then a quiet: “Fine. But bring it back.”
She reappeared like she’d just won a prize, holding a single black marker in pride.
“You didn’t,” you said.
“Oh, I did,” she grinned, capping and uncapping the sharpie as she approached. “And lucky for you, I’m feeling inspired.”
She crouched beside the bed with the seriousness of a professional painter, gently pulling the blanket back from your cast.
“What are you drawing?” you asked, watching her carefully.
At first she didn’t answer you. Her brows were furrowed, focused, tongue between her teeth in concentration. The marker glided across the white surface with steady strokes. It only took a minute, maybe two but when she finally leaned back and clicked the sharpie closed, she revealed a delicate, elegant flower blooming right across the side of the cast.
You really smiled and looked down at the flower. “I’m keeping this forever,” you said.
She shrugged. “You’re welcome.” But the flush at the tips of her ears gave her away.
You traced a finger lightly over the drawn flower on your cast, admiring the detail. “Mkay, you’re actually kinda talented.”
She scoffed, flopping back into the chair. “Kinda?”
“Yes dude, don’t get a big head.”
She pointed the sharpie at you.
“Y’know, I was trying to do something nice.”
“You did.” The words came out softer than either of you expected. For the first time since she'd sat down beside your bed, she didn't have a comeback ready. Her eyes flickered to yours. Then down to the flower. Then back again.
With her hands on her hips the nurse came towards her, calling her out for the last time.
She turned slowly, caught mid slouch in the chair. “…Hey.”
The nurse pinched the bridge of her nose. “What did we talk about?”
She sighed VERY dramatically, pushing up from the chair. “Stay in my section. Don’t harass the staff. Don’t overstay my visit.”
“Exactly.”
She turned to you, muttering, “They hate me.”
“We do,” the nurse confirmed, no real malice. “And guess what? Your discharge papers are finally ready, so you’re officially out of here.”
She blinked, heart dropping slightly. “Wait. Like n-now?”
“Now.” The nurse shoved a clipboard at her. “Sign.”
She hesitated for half a second then took the pen, scribbled her name. “Alright.”
After, she turned to you, rubbing the back of her neck. “Guess this is it, huh?”
Your frown was covered by a lopsided smirk . “Looks like it.”
She glanced at the sharpie still sitting on the blanket. A thought flickered. Before you could ask, she grabbed your wrist, turned your arm over, and as quickly as anything scribbled a string of numbers right there on your skin.
“You know. Just in case you ever wanna… consult a real comedian.”
You raised an eyebrow, but there was something warm behind it. “Wow. You didn’t even ask if I wanted your number.”
She shrugged all smug. “You’ll use it.”
The nurse cleared her throat.
“Yea okay, I’m going.”
She took one last look at you, at the cast, the flower, the chair that was way too close to your bed. Then gave you a two fingered salute.
“Don’t go getting into any more accidents.”
A small smile tugged at your lips. "Promise."
"Good."
But she lingered for half a second longer, like she wanted to say something else. Like there was a joke she hadn't made yet. Instead, she just nodded to herself and turned away. The curtain swayed softly behind her as she disappeared into the hallway.
You watched until she was gone. The room felt a little quieter after that. A little emptier. Looking down, you traced the fresh ink on your arm with your thumb. For someone who acted as if she was impossible to get rid of, she'd left surprisingly fast. Still, her number remained on your skin.
Somehow, you had a feeling this wasn't going to be the last time you saw her.
(Piano Teacher Au | testing the water with this one tbh | older/strict!R| mentions of alcohol usage | reader has a shit husband | woman loving woman | younger love interest (early twenties) | age gap | 2,8kwords )
.✦ Masterlist
── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦
The apartment is quiet except for the hum of the old refrigerator and the news on the television. Life happening without you.
To maintain your sanity you pour a glass of wine before noon. Into the same chipped glass every morning, the one you never replaced because you have a weird connection with it. You’re standing at the counter, still in yesterday’s blouse, hair messily clipped back.
The first swallow doesn’t taste like anything. The second satisfies you.
You step into the shower, drowning in the coldness. By eleven you could say you’re human enough to teach.
Your phone lights up once while you’re dressing yourself. You don’t check it right away. You already know who it is.
- Don’t forget dinner tonight.
- We need to talk.
You leave the message unopened.
There’s a note on the kitchen table. There’s always a note. Written neatly, purposefully placed where you can’t miss it…next to a dirty cup. Petty
You left the door open again.
Be more careful.
You don’t remember leaving it open. You don’t remember closing it either. You sniff the cup smells faintly of last night’s whiskey. The note stays where it is. You step around it like it’s furniture, eyes rolling.
Your husband isn’t home.
He rarely is. When he is, he takes up space without filling it. keys in the bowl, jacket over the chair, commanding rules disguised as concern. He texts instead of talking. Leaves reminders instead of affection. Correct you like a child who’s too old to be acting certain ways.
You haven’t loved him in years. Long enough that the absence of love doesn’t even matter. Long enough that leaving feels harder than staying.
At the conservatory, you’re efficient and precise. You don’t smile at your students. You don’t soften your voice. They sit straighter when you enter the room. You correct their posture with a glance. Their tempo with a single word. They fear disappointing you more than they fear failing.
It’s the only place where you are still listened to.
Lessons end at seven. Your throat is dry from speaking, patience is gone, head throbbing. You lock the studio, drive home, stop at the same liquor store without thinking. The clerk doesn’t talk to you anymore. He just nods, and raises his brows knowingly.
Whiskey this time. Neat & Expensive.
You drink alone at the piano in your dull living room, fingers hovering over keys you don’t play anymore. The instrument is polished and cared for.
"You could still be great," the devil on your shoulder whispers. "You just chose not to be."
Your phone buzzes again. Snapping you out of thought.
- Might come home late.
You don’t answer. The silence afterward is louder than any argument you’ve ever had.
You check your spreadsheet, schedule for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, there’s a new student, recommended. “Exceptional potential,” the notes say.
You snort softly to yourself, “Potential.”
Potential is just another word for disappointment waiting to happen.
── .✦
You teach the way you were taught. You learned after all, without mercy, without apology.
Your students hands hovering over the keys like they’re afraid of the piano. You don’t tell them to relax.
“Again,” you say flatly.
The little girl in front of you flinches and starts over. Her tempo rushes, her left hand slow. You stop her before she reaches the third bar.
“No,” you cut in.
“I made a mistake.”
“That wasn’t a mistake. You’re being careless.”
Her cheeks burn up. You see it and don’t care.
“You know this piece. You’ve practiced it. Respect it properly and don’t change it.”
She nods quickly, eyes glossy. You let her sit in that feeling for a moment before you gesture for her to continue.
This is how they learn: by discomfort, by realizing that wanting to be good isn’t enough. You learned that lesson young, with bleeding fingers and a teacher who never once told you they were proud.
You stand when you teach, arms crossed, weight on one hip. You correct posture with a tap of your knuckle against a shoulder, hard enough to be felt but not leave a mark. You count out loud when they drift off beat.
“One. Two. Three.” Your stiff voice is steady.
“Precision,” you tell them. “If you want to be emotional, go write poetry. Here! You're gonna be in order.”
Some of them hate you..maybe all of them. You know because they avoid your eyes, and they whisper in the halls. When they transfer out after a season, breathing is easier without you. Others stay, desperate for your approval like it’s oxygen.
Those are the ones who might be worth something. Who you gotta keep an eye out for.
You don’t praise often. When you do, it’s stale.
“Acceptable.”
“Better.”
“Not that embarrassing.”
The words mean more to them than any standing ovation. You see it in the way their shoulders loosen, the way they glance at you like you’ve handed them a cookie.
Between lessons, you sit alone at the piano. Drink, sometimes. Your fingers move automatically, correcting mistakes that you imagine. Playing passages you could play in your sleep.
You demand from them what you once demanded from yourself. To be perfection, discipline, sacrifice. Sacrifice. Sacrifice.
You remember the hours locked in practice rooms, the hunger to be perfect, the pain in your wrists. The way failure seemed like death.
Anyways, if you survived it. Then they will as well..
“Again,” you say to the next student, before he even begin. His hand position would’ve thrown everything off, you basically helped them.
He looks startled. He is. It’s 3 in the afternoon, after his day in probably private school or wherever rich parents send their kids; he want to sleep.
He start again, this time correctly.
── .✦
You hear her steps before she even opens the door. The clock ticks, your fingers drumming impatiently on the edge of the piano bench.
She’s late. That’s the first strike against her.
When she finally arrives, she doesn’t apologize. Hell, she doesn't even glance at her watch or pretend to care.
She brushes past you, calm and collected, like she owns the space. Your eyes follow her, you’re offended in a way you haven’t felt in years. You glare at her, throwing daggers.
“Twenty minutes late,” you say. Your voice is low, letting her know there’s consequences.
“I’m here now,” she says. That’s it.
Nothing else. No excuses. No fluttering eyelashes. No pout. Nothing.
You want to shout at her, show her who you are.
Instead, you gesture her to sit on the piano bench, side eyeing her.
She sits. Pulls her sheet music from a leather folder, flips it open with forced grace and begins.
The sound is immaculate. Technical, careful, controlled. Every note in its place, every rhythm EXACT.
But there’s no soul or warmth. You hear talent…yes, but not life.
“Stop.” You clap your hands in the air before the measure is over. “Stop. Do you know what this sounds like?”
She looks at you, blankly, waiting.
“This...” you say, letting your hand hover over the keys, not pressing “...sounds like someone who can’t feel, who isn’t even actually playing. Having a perfect execution is nothing if it doesn’t mean anything. Do you understand?”
She calmly nods. Eyeing you up and down. The expression is kinda boring.
“Mmm, No. You don’t,” you continue, voice stern. “You’re smooth on the surface, but there’s nothing underneath. You don’t play. You’re replicating, you mimic. Copy”
“This…” you tap a single note rudly exaggerated, “...is hollow. Em-P-ty. Weak. Audiences will notice that. You play and boom. Snooze, they’re bored.”
She doesn’t flinch. Her eyes don’t water. Not flustered.
She just sits there, eyes on you no longer bored but intrigued; letting you think you’ve trapped her, that she is trembling in fear under your critique.
It scares you when you notice, you don’t react though. You definitely don't know that she’s calculating.
“Again,” you turn around. Your pride hurts more than your anger. “And this time, try to wake up and exist in the piece, not just hit the keys.”
She plays again, almost the same…but this time there’s a subtle change that could pass as emotion and "existing in the piece,” if you weren’t so stubbornly critical. You notice, that annoys you…but you’re curious now.
── .✦
You’ve taught children who cried when you corrected them, adults who panic and freeze like statues, even women old enough to be your mother. All desperate for approval. You are used to fear, respect, awe. None of that is here.
Third Lesson
She is unlike anyone you’ve ever taught.
She leans against the piano casually, smirking when she plays, as if this was a game she’s already won. Her posture is effortless, hands move over the keys with confidence. She’s disciplined, you'll give her that.
Her attitude is what gets you, you’ve never seen it in a student before. Bold, kinda playful in a way that makes your chest feel weird out of nowhere.
And you can’t stop thinking about it, even after lessons end. The curve of her wrist, the way her fingers fidget before playing, the faint scent she leaves behind when she moves past you. All lingers long after she’s gone and you’re in bed waiting for your husband.
During the lesson, she pauses in the middle of the piece and looks up at you. You were going to snap at her audacity–
“I think I need more lessons,” she says casually, almost teasing. “Special attention.”
You raise a brow. This was usual, students often begged for extra time, for private coaching, for time to make them perfect. However there’s something else behind her words, her tone. It’s not arrogance exactly. It’s confidence, it’s a challenge.
You narrow your eyes. “Special attention?”
She shrugs, unapologetic. “Yup. I wanna play the best I can. I think you can help me. More than anyone else.”
Her gaze lingers. You feel a sensation, something you thought you had long since bottled up and buried.
Desire?
Yes, that’s what it is. Infuriating totally unwelcome desire.
You clear your throat, trying to regain control. “You’ll get what you deserve,” you say, thinking your words sound like a warning. Inside, you feel the slightest shiver of anticipation, a thrill.
She doesn’t say anything else. The lesson resumes, but the tension is there now.
Now you’re noticing more and more and more. The tilt of her head, the way her eyes follow your hands, the way her lips twitch when she hits a difficult passage perfectly. You’ve taught dozens of attractive adult students. But none like her. None who could make you want to teach, want to linger behind, want… more.
By the time she leaves, you exhale, your mind replaying every note, every glance, every tiny disobedience. You know one thing for certain: this student isn’t like the others. And part of you terrifyingly….hopes she stays exactly that way.
── .✦
You tell yourself it’s professional. That talent like hers needs structure, discipline, and a firm hand.
So, you agreed to the extra lessons. You’re the only who can sharpen and mold something raw into something more…powerful. You say it aloud once in the mirror, and don’t like the way it sounds like an excuse.
She arrives early this time. Something new that unsettles you.
She doesn’t sit immediately. She stands beside the piano where you are, close enough you’re aware of her without looking.
Dark slacks, jacket still on, hair falling however she wanted it to fall, she smelled so good. Nothing special in the way she dressed, but you couldn’t ignore how your body reacted anyway. She’s young, has some attitude…she's younger.
Younger than you, by who knows how much. And yet somehow she turned on something in you that your husband hadn’t in years. A reaction and need to bite your bottom lip, press your hand between your thighs. A tension. It wasn’t just desire anymore; it was a craving that made your body hot and your thoughts run recklessly.
When you finally meet her eyes, she holds your gaze too long.
“You added an hour,” she says lightly. “I was hoping you would.”
“I’m a teacher, I do it for the music,” you reply, point blank period.
A corner of her mouth lifts, barely noticeable. “Right, of course.”
She plays better than before. Still controlled and mimicking, though now there’s something intentional. No, not emotion exactly like you want. Awareness. Like she knows you’re listening differently.
When she finishes, she turns on the bench to face you. Her knee brushes the piano, again close enough to make you sweat.
“You know…you watch my hands more than listening to me play” she says, tone casual as always, eyes staring. “My other teacher never stare as much.”
You snap back immediately. “Because most students don’t need supervision. Don’t mistake attention for interest.”
She doesn’t take what she said back. She just nods slowly letting the comment fill the air..
“I enjoy strictness,” she says. “It makes me…better.”
That’s where you end it. You stand, step back, put distance where it belongs.
“This is a conservatory, not a playground,” you say crossing your arms. “If you’re here for anything other than improvement, you’re wasting my time.”
She’s taken aback, amused. Eyebrows going up. “Understood,” she says.
Then when she leaves, you’re the one who feels watched. Staring around the room with guilt.
At home, the apartment feels smaller than usual. Your husband’s shoes are by the door, his jacket over the chair. He’s in the kitchen rearranging something that didn’t need rearranging.
“You’re late,” he says without looking up.
“I had work.”
“You always do.” He pause. “You didn’t answer my texts.”
“I was busy.”
He sighs like you’ve disappointed him. Again. He starts talking about groceries, about a meeting, about how you forgot to replace the lightbulb in the hallway.
Every word screeching. Every sound punches against your skull.
You grab your coat before he finishes the sentence.
“I’m going out,” you say.
“For what?”
You don’t answer. You don’t owe him one. He’s a hypocrite who sometimes doesn’t even arrive home.
The park is a few blocks away. The same one you always end up in when the four walls suffocate. You sit on the cold bench with a bottle tucked inside your coat, the city humming softly around you. Streetlights blur. Leaves crunch under passing feet. You drink, let it settle your nerves.
Your phone stays off. But your mind doesn’t.
Her posture. Her voice. That fucking look like she knew exactly how close she could get without touching. You tell yourself it’s nothing. Just a disrespectful student testing boundaries.
Still, you take another drink, on the park bench longer than you should, bottle half empty.
── .✦
After last night, after the park, after the burn of whiskey and the quiet hum of the wind, you come to the conclusion. You're craving it. Attention…affection. Someone who wants you. Not from anyone, not from your husband who barely cared anymore for your existence. From her.
The next day, you’re waiting in the studio, nervous as fuck. She arrives, nonchalantly as ever, folder in hand, eyes scanning the room.
“Late again?” you say, voice more rough than usual.
“I’m actually on time, this time,” she replies, with that mocking smirk you can’t stand. Makes your eye physically twitch. She jokes too much, talks back, she thinks she’s on your level, that you two are equals.
The lesson begins, usually at first. Throughout the lesson, every correction from you is met with a comeback. Every word you throw, she adds subtle sarcasm. She’s getting bolder with you. Your chest tightens, your fingers itch to correct her more harshly than necessary. She’s testing you. And you, impossibly are enjoying it.
The tension grows. You feel it coming from her, and she seems to feel it too.
The lesson finishes. She stands at the door about to leave, jacket in hand, eyes meeting yours with that same firm stare. You think you’ve maintained control just barely.
She looks away and starts to put her jacket on, you see part of her midriff as she slightly lifts her arms up.
Before you can think better of it, you step forward. Your hand hesitates for the smallest fraction of a second then you press your lips to hers. Starved and famished: you feel deprived for a long time and finally get something you desperately need.
She doesn’t pull back. She leans in.
Her lips are soft, warm, and responsive. You taste the faint sweetness of her chewing gum, you made her spit out. Fingers tangle in your hair instinctively; she presses closer, tilting her head perfectly. The kiss deepens, hungry, teasing, not messy. Controlled, by her.
She mimics your energy.
When you finally part, your foreheads touch, hearts racing, and for a moment, the world disappears with it's consequences.
“I’ll see you next lesson,” she says softly, lips curved, eyes mischievous.
You watch her leave, your body still humming. Your mind scolds you, insisting this was just a student.
But you know damn well it wasn’t.
── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦── .✦
a/n: started this project early august of 2025. finally got to edit and finish the first part. it's obviously loosely inspired by The Piano Teacher (2001).
(Let me know if you want to be tagged in any post. You're all welcomed to.)
How torturous it was for her. As if the world had a sense of humor placing you directly across from her. Your apartment complex lined up perfectly with her bedroom window. From her bed, she could see you move through your living room, your kitchen, even a glimpse of your bedroom if she angled herself just right.
Your existence tortures her. Reminds her she hasn’t been a saint since the day you moved in.
Not once.
This morning, at barely eleven, the bus exhales at the stop a block away. The streets are busy enough for a Friday. She doesn’t need to look to know it’s you stepping off. She’s memorized the timing by now.
You’re always awake at dawn. She knows because she is too. Because some mornings, before the sun has even awakened, your kitchen light flickers on.
You step off the bus with plastic bags dangling from your hands, light enough that your shoulders don’t hurt. If she squints, she can make out what’s inside: tomatoes, bread, those twenty four piece chocolate bars… cream cheese—
Pathetic
She shouldn’t be able to see that much.
Her eyes trail lower instead. The way the jeans cling to your hips. The way your jacket stops perfectly at the curve of your back. She runs a hand through her hair restless and slow.
She loves this angle of you. Watching you climb the stairs. The pattern of one leg stepping in front of the other. The way the denim creases on your ass when you lift your foot. The way it pulls.
She didn’t wake up planning to watch you. She woke up to make breakfast for her girlfriend.
Turning her head, she glances back at the sleeping figure in her bed. A blanket tangled low around her legs. The fan hums softly, blowing strands of hair across her peaceful face. The thin straps of last night’s sundress rest against warm skin.
Beautiful…
Both of you are and that’s what makes this so annoying. One woman in her bed, the other across the building from her.
How torturous this all is.
You must’ve stepped into the elevator, because you vanish from her sight for a few seconds. The loss is immediate, fucking irritating. She leans forward, scanning window after window until…
There!! Like a flashing red light, you appear in your living room. She always does find your window easily now.
You shrug off your jacket first, letting it slide from your shoulders. Then the skinny scarf. Boxes still crowd the room. You’ve lived there for months, and she swears you’re the laziest person she knows.
Whenever she comes over, the first thing she offers is help unpacking. Every time, you refuse. Laugh it off and tell her you’ll get to it. You never do.
She chuckles softly at the memory and nearly misses it: Your shirt lifting.
You turn, back facing the window as fabric slips up and over your head. The band of your bra. The delicate straps against your shoulders. Your bare back catching the light.
Her breaths stop. You walk across the living room like that. Careless with windows open. Sunlight shining in. As if no one could possibly be watching. As if she isn’t.
You bend slightly, picking up whatever you tossed aside. Then you straighten, pulling on a cami that blends almost perfectly with your skin: thin, soft, subtle. She exhales only when you’re dressed again, “God.”
Whatever bra you were wearing gave you too much power. From this distance she could trace the outline of your chest beneath the thin fabric of your cami. The curve. The rise and fall of your breathing.
Her knees felt weak. If Mya wasn’t taking up half the bed, warm and real and hers, she might’ve slipped back under the covers and let the fantasy take her. Let herself imagine the weight of you above her. The press of your body. The warmth of your mouth close enough. How easily she could—
“Mmrgh.” The groggy sound snaps her out her head. Mya shifts in her sleep, turning her back toward her. The blanket tangles around her waist. A soft exhale leaves her lips.
Reality... She bites her lip, slow and regretful. She should be there in that bed. Arms wrapped around Mya’s waist. Pressing her face into the curve of Mya’s shoulder. Loving the woman she chose.
Not standing at the window. Not looking at you. Not thinking about you.But it’s too late for that, for the clean version of herself that would’ve turned long ago. Too late for the sane thought of ‘it should be her, not you.’
Because you’ve already taken something. You’ve dominated her in ways you shouldn’t have. In ways she pretends she can still control.
She looks back outside. You’re in the kitchen now, washing your hands, unloading groceries with slow movements. Sunlight pours through every open window. Sweat catches along your shoulders, along the back of your neck, making your skin glow.
Not because you’re putting on a show. It’s just hot. For fuck’s sake, you’re washing vegetables.
She drags a hand down her face, frustrated with herself. She should leave the room. Walk back to the bed. Slip under the covers beside Mya and bury this before it grows even bigger.
She steps back from the window, but doesn’t leave. Your expression is neutral, calm. You dry your hands on the hem of your shirt, lifting it just enough to reveal a flash of skin before letting it fall again. Then you grab a knife from the counter; so effortless and unaffected.
Maybe what happened two nights ago didn’t sink into you the way it did into her. Maybe you ate, showered, and slept peacefully. Maybe you woke up the next morning unaffected by it. Not her though, she hasn’t slept properly since.
☀︎
Seeing you in the kitchen like this pulls her backward.
To evenings that smelled like garlic and cheap wine. To your back facing her as you poured wine into two glasses, shoulders relaxed, unaware or pretending to be. She had stood behind you then, pressed close enough to feel your warmth through both your shirts. Close enough that her breath touched your skin before her lips did.
She remembers kissing the slope of your neck first. Then your shoulder. Then lower, slow and testing, waiting for you to stop her: you didn’t.
That night she’d come to you furious. Another fight with Mya. Another list of things Mya did wrong or didn’t do. You’d listened quietly, leaning against the counter, arms crossed.
“Stay,” you’d say eventually. “I made dinner.”
You both knew how it would end. That’s how it always begins with you. She breaks, you help her by pouring her wine. Handing her comfort. Letting her sit too close on the couch and talk and talk until the anger drains into something quieter.
Lonelier.
You saw how she was. She wasn’t…happy to say the least. Always bitching and moaning about her girlfriend. Or how you, despite knowing each other for a few months, are the only person who gets her.
You give her a shoulder to cry on, and she’ll spend the day admiring you. Eating take out and holding you close. Getting to know everything about you, like nothing else behind your four walls matters. At times, even feeling wholesome.
But just sometimes because:
Every single time you offer a shoulder to lean on, it ends up with your face buried between two pillows and the cheap mascara running down your eyes.
Every single time she knocks on your door to complain about Mya, it ends with your face between her thighs and teasing her until she’s swearing your name and forgetting who Mya is.
☀︎
Seeing you sitting on the countertop, cutting onions and wiping your tears away, brought her back to when you finally told her off. You weren’t crying then, but the wetness in the corners of your eyes was the same, and the slight tint of red in your face matched.
“You don’t even love her anymore.” Your shoulders rose to your ears as you watched her put her clothes back on.
“I can’t leave her—you understand that, right?” Her voice was unclear, so fake. She sounded unsure of herself.
“She’s my sweetheart from when we were young, and this is hurting her.”
You scoffed and got out of the bed… well, the mattress on the floor. “You’ve said this a million times, yet here you are.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. Stop saying that. This happens every time. I’m so over this shit.”
She’d come over, spend the night. Then Mya would call out of nowhere. She’d get all guilty, talking about Mya with no tears in her eyes like she cared. All guilt, but never regret.
“You’re over what?” she paused midway through tying her shoes.
“Your excuses, dude.” You walked up to her. “You can't live on bread alone, and I can’t live with these excuses.”
You held her face. “Mya or me?”
That ultimatum hung over her like a cloud.
☀︎
‘Knock knock.’
You wiped your hands on a wet rag and opened the door. There she was, standing with her hands at her sides. It had been two days since you last spoke. You were not knowing what to say for a moment. She was still in what looked like a casual date night outfit as if she hadn’t bothered changing.
“Can I come in?” she whispered.
“Couldn’t last two days, huh?” Your eyes were glossy and red, but not for her. Still, she liked to think she could make you react that way.
Nevertheless, she walked in, following you to the kitchen, because your world wasn’t going to stop rotating with or without her.
It was torture . Knowing it had to be like this.
You began cutting the tomatoes now. The sink was empty and clean. A bra hung over the back of one of your chairs, and there was a small TV set up in the corner now, making her wonder who could’ve helped you… then making her realize you truly didn’t need help.
“What do you want, anyway?” You didn’t even look at her. You just kept chopping. “Did little Mya say something to hurt your feelings?” you sounded so cocky.
You were still in the same jeans from earlier: unbuttoned now, looser on your hips. You leaned forward to reach for something, your body bending slightly over the counter, a flash of your underwear visible before you straightened again like nothing happened.
The thread in her snapped a little more with every second you ignored her.
She walked behind you and grabbed the knife with her hand. Holding the blade and pushing it down against the cutting board and the diced tomatoes. Dull enough it didn’t break any skin, but with the way everything has been feeling so tortuous she probably wouldn’t have minded.
You gasped, feeling her fully pressed against you, body suddenly flush against your back, her hips grinding firmly into your ass.
She’s been gone for two agonizing days, and now her hands slide around your waist, pulling you tighter against her. You can feel the rapid thump of her heart matching the ache building in your core.
“God, I've missed you,” she breathes hotly into your ear, her lips brushing the sensitive skin there before nipping lightly.
One hand up under your shirt, fingers ticking your bare stomach, tracing upward to cup your breast. She squeezes gently at first, then harder. Her thumb circling your hardening nipple through the thin fabric of your bra.
You knock the knife to the floor with a clatter, gripping the edge of the counter as her other hand dips lower, slipping beneath the waistband of your pants. Her fingers find the warmth between your thighs, stroking you with so much need.
She presses herself against you, rocking slowly.
“Two days without touching you... it's been torture,” she murmurs, her voice laced with desire.
She pushes your pants down just enough to expose you, her fingers parting your folds and sliding inside, curling to hit that spot that makes your knees buckle. You gasp, arching back into her. The tomatoes forgotten as she fucks you with her hand, her mouth claiming your neck with hungry kisses and sucks that leave marks.
It’s you she wants at night, before bed, and first thing in the morning.
Not Mya.
And she, at the moment, doesn't care if Mya wakes up and opens the curtain she closed, and finds the window that displays the scene that’s happening.
If she folds and breaks with only 48 hours of not having you, then she can’t imagine how forever might feel.
☀︎
a/n: this was overdue, meant to publish this back in Feb 20th.
Imagine #31: “Baby take off your cool, cause I wanna see you”
(OneShot - clingy - jealousy- emotionally shut off - codependency - cute - insert female love interest - kind toxic relationship - hurt/ comfort? - dialogue heavy - suggestive? - 2 added background character - 3116 words)
✿ loosely inspired by “lose my cool” (part II)— kali uchis ✿
2 Years Ago; Feb 14.
February as a month could go either way. Some years in the past have been warmer; others were the coldest, even surpassing January. This year, in particular, was on a scale that, inside felt warm, but outside felt violent. Either way, you looked as stylish as you ever have all month..
You’re warm, though. Warm enough, with the heavy weight of your purse resting on your lap and a single flower between your fingers. You’re sitting with your ankles crossed, the train mostly empty. Someone at the far end of the cart is playing romantic pop music.
The last train you were on was so packed. Men with Valentine’s Day baskets taking up space everywhere. Your breast pressed between the pole and the corner of some girl’s XL chocolate box, the cardboard edge poking into your rib.
Thankfully, now, the only basket was far away from you. You fidgeted again with the single flower in your hand. Pink and white caught your eye: a bouquet of orchids resting on the seat across from you.
Your eyes flickered to the owner of the bouquet. A woman with her legs crossed, the red-brown leather of her boots peeking from beneath the bells of her pants. She was fidgeting too, an unlit cigarette between her fingers, the pack tossed beside the flowers. Her energy opposed yours. You sat wrapped in pink and white, while she was dominated by black with hints of red. A rockstar.
You made eye contact. A smile escaped your lips out of habit. She smiled back, more of a grin than something soft. Through the red lenses of the thin silver glasses perched on her nose, you could see her eyes roam over your body.
You couldn’t help it. After three more glances at each other in the span of three minutes, you spoke up. “Those are really beautiful.” You pointed at the bouquet. “What kind of flowers are they?”
“Huh?” the woman hummed. She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward to hear you better. After barely a second, she glanced beside her. “Oh.” She chuckled, lifting the bouquet and wrapping her ringed fingers around the stems.
The pink silk bow slipped slightly down. “Yeah, they’re pretty.” She looked at them. “Orchids,” she replied. Then, to your surprise, she handed them toward you to hold. “They match your outfit.” She gestured from the flowers to you.
You looked down and smiled. They did. Even the delicate shimmer of the wrapping matched your light makeup. “They smell pretty too,” you mumbled.
“As they should,” she shook her head. “They were pretty expensive. I’d be pissed if they smelled like air.”
A soft laugh escaped your lips, earning a bigger, more genuine smile from her, which you missed since the flowers held all of your attention.
“Wow. Whoever you’re giving them to is lucky.” You handed them back to her, the tips of your pointer fingers brushing briefly. She shrugged, lips pursing slightly. “These aren’t going to anyone."
“Oh?"
She leaned back against the seat, uncrossing her legs. The leather of her boots creased softly. Her gaze dropped back to the flowers. The cigarette she’d been fidgeting with was tucked back into the pack. “You ever jus’ buy something ’cause no one else is gonna buy it for you?” She tilted her head, studying you instead of the bouquet now.
“Yeah.” Your tone was softer than hers, but you didn’t hesitate.
“It’s Valentine’s Day.” She glanced around the cart, eyes landing on the man holding the cute basket with the white teddy inside. “…Well. Why not buy twenty-five dollars’ worth of orchids?” You nodded, listening. Silence settled between you. Not awkward, just heavy. She almost looked like she regretted explaining herself, like maybe she’d said too much to a stranger on a half empty train. But your demeanor, open, warm, kept her from retreating completely.
You looked at her once again, her dark red leather jacket, her hair lazily pinned up, hair falling perfectly over her glasses, jeans that elongated her legs like an illusion. She was very alluring, and gorgeous.
“Which lucky guy gave you that rose?” Her head dipped, gesturing toward the flower resting on your lap.
“I actually got it for… uh…” For some reason, you didn’t want to tell her who you bought the flower for. This stranger made you not want to acknowledge the fact that you had a “Valentine.” You wanted to be available. Well, technically, you were.
The plan had been to meet up with some guy you met on a dating app. You were new to the city, had spent maybe a month talking to him, and he offered to spend Valentine’s Day with you… give you a tour. Yet here you were. Alone.
"…I got it for this guy…”
She grew quiet at that, nodding once. “A lady giving a gentleman a rose? How cute."
“Well, I’m celebrating alone, so.” Your cheeks burned.
“Here.” You held the rose out to her. She furrowed her brows.
“For me?”
“Sure.” You leaned forward slightly just enough. A peek of your cleavage caught her attention. Her eyes dipped, then lifted quickly again, she licked her lips.. She wasn’t trying to stare, but the lace trim of your red bra contrasted sharply against your soft pink outfit.
“Someone lovely deserves a lovely rose.” She took the flower and brought it to her nose.
Something shifted. Before, she’d been cool. Casual. Guarded. Now her shoulders loosened, her posture settling deeper into the seat. She looked more comfortable, less like a woman buying herself orchids out of defiance and more like someone who’d just been chosen.
“What are your plans for the rest of the night?”
“I dunno really,” you answered honestly. “I was supposed to get a tour of the city–”
“You’re new here?” she cut in gently.
“Y-yeah.”
“I get off in three stops.” She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees now.. A slow, flirty smile curved onto her lips. “Come with me. I’ll give you that tour.”.
“Really?”
“Really….Unless,” she tilted her head, “you’re still waiting on that guy.”
-
So you spent your first Valentine’s Day in the city with a random woman whose boots clicked and clacked with every step ahead of you. Sometimes you had to jog a little to catch up, laughing when she’d glance back and slow down just enough to let you reach her side.
She offered to take pictures of you in spots she swore you’d look good in: beneath glowing street signs, under a tree wrapped in white fairy lights. “Trust me,” she’d say, adjusting the angle with surprising seriousness. “You're in pink. You need warm lighting.” And when she handed your phone back, she’d linger just long enough to look at the photos with you, shoulder brushing yours.
She taught you how to read the train station map, standing so close behind you, her finger tracing the colored lines. “Never take this line past midnight,” she warned playfully. “And always walk fast in crowded places, unless you want to get shoved and screamed at.” You nodded like it was sacred knowledge.
She pointed out which downtown stores were a must and which were a complete bust. Dragged you into a tiny bookstore that smelled like paper and cinnamon. Bought you a cheap hot chocolate from a street cart and complained it wasn’t sweet enough before taking another sip anyway. At some point, you were sharing it without thinking.
There was a moment…somewhere between crossing a busy street and her grabbing your hand to pull you forward, that your fingers didn’t separate right away. Neither of you mentioned it. You would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t hoping the night wouldn’t end.
By the time the sky darkened and the city lights softened everything, the “random woman” didn’t feel random anymore. She knew how you took your coffee. You knew she hummed under her breath when she was thinking. She started walking a little slower so you didn’t have to jog. And when she laughed, like really laughed - it wasn’t guarded. Neither were you.
When you reached the station again, the world felt quieter. The Valentine’s crowds had thinned. The air had grown colder. She looked down at the orchids in her hand like she’d almost forgotten about them.
“Here,” she said casually, but not careless.
You blinked. “What?”
She held them out to you. “You said someone lovely deserves a lovely rose…flowers.” A small shrug. “Figure the same rule applies.”
“For me?”
“They match your outfit,” she repeated softly. This time, when your fingers brushed, neither of you pretended it was accidental.
You took the orchids. And somehow, they didn’t feel like something she bought for herself anymore
Present Time; Feb 13.
“Don’t fuckin’ start with this shit again!”
“I can start with whateva I want. Especially with the way you’ve been acting!” You shouted.
You’ve been at it for the past 30 minutes. For the past week actually, adding heavy marbles in the thin plastic bag that was your patiences. Finally the bag has broken. Face to face shouting match.
“Acting what?” She was practically red in the face.
“Annoying.” You crossed your arms, standing across the living room from her.
In a blink, she was right there. The tips of her toes barely ten inches from yours. The grey sweats she wore were part of a two-piece set matching the oversized zip up hoodie hanging off one of your shoulders. Your T-shirt is exposed. A couple hours ago you were warm. Now goosebumps crept over your bare legs..
“Annoying?” She scoffed.
“Ambiguous.”
“Ha, wow…You wanna use big words now?” Her posture mirrored yours.
“Vauge. Quiet. Fake! Fucking scared.” You could pull your hair out now.
“Me?” there was a sharpened behind her tone.
“Yes you! You’re a fucking punk.” You got closer.
“Fuck you. I’m not a punk. You’re dramatic.” The pads of her fingers dug into her own arm, like she was holding herself back.
“NO! Fuck you!” You shoved her shoulder lightly (not to hurt), just to prove you weren’t small. “You’re scared.”
“Scared of what?” she shot back.
“Of needing me!”
Silence…
Her jaw tightens, “I don’t need anyone.”
You took a step back. Your arms dropped to your sides. You could throw up right now if you wanted to. You closed your eyes, bumping her shoulder as you passed her on your way to her bedroom. To pack your things. Since she didn’t “need anyone.” You’re really, really, freaking upset, but you don’t cry because this isn’t the first time you lose your cool with her. Surprising yourself, you're not entirely exhausted by all these fights.
While you’re shoving socks and underwear into your suitcase, she’s on the couch. Hands pressed into her face, holding back tears she refuses to let fall. She truly tries to make sure you know you matter. But every time you ask for reassurance, she treats it like charity. Or she goes ghost. Like your need for softness is some kind of weakness she doesn’t respect.
How are you supposed to understand her? She’s so flawed that she wakes up every morning half expecting you to have an epiphany and leave.
1 Year Ago; Feb 13.
For the past twelve months, you’d been planning how to celebrate this holiday: how to match the level of intensity and romance the first one held. It wasn’t even a holiday back then. It was just the first time you met her. The woman you swore was the love of your life. Your life support.
She was sitting at her desk now, laptop light illuminating the dark bedroom. The rest of the apartment was dim, washed in the glow of a single lamp and the soft tempo of ’90s R&B playing in the background. You were half singing along as you determinedly dug through her closet.
“Did she mention any specific colors?” you hummed, to what was playing faintly in the background.
She turned her head to look at you for a brief second before facing the screen again. “No,” she answered flatly. “Definitely not that though,” referring to the neon green top she swore she got rid of years ago.
“Why not? It’s so cutee~” you teased, holding it up in front of her. It wasn’t even the design, just the color offended her. She still doesn’t know what she was thinking when she bought it.
“Ew,” she visibly grimaced.
“Oohh we can match. I have a neon yellow top,” You knelt beside her, placing the green fabric dramatically onto her lap.
She looked down at you, her glasses slipping lower on her nose. God. She looked so good in them. You were always begging her to wear them more. Total nerd. Your nerd.
She laughed, picking up the shirt between two fingers like it was radioactive before dropping it over your head. “I will sue you for emotional harm.”
“Sue me all you want.” The heels of your palms pressed against her knees, you lifted yourself up to face her.
She leaned back slightly as you pulled the fabric off your head, clearing your view. You were closer now. Close enough to feel her breath. She laughed again, softer this time, and her nose brushed yours.
“You’re very annoying,” she kissed you once.
“You can’t be mean to me,” you murmured. “It’s Valentine’s Day Eve.”
“Right, right.” She kissed you twice, lingered just a little longer than the first.
You melted, because it was one of those kisses that felt like she was savoring you, tasting you slowly. Her hands slid up to cradle your face, pulling you closer as a low hum escaped her throat.
“Baby–” your voice came out muffled as you tried to pull away.
“Hmm?” was all she gave you.
You placed your hands against her chest, gently pushing back.
“Babe.” You finally escaped her grip, though she chased your lips.
“You know I love you right?” She swiped her thumb across your bottom lip, still shiny with spit.
Your eyes narrowed slightly. “What’s up?” The look you gave her was pure‘cut to the chase’ suspicion.
“And you know that tomorrow we’re gonna have so much fun right?” Your stomach dropped.
“What happened? What did you do?”
She laughed too quickly, shaking her head. Her fingers slipped her glasses off her face, folding them slowly. She always did that. Whenever she had news she knew you weren’t going to love.
She caught the look in your eyes and decided not to drag it out. She cleared her throat with a small ahem.
“Nessa…” You rolled your eyes immediately at the nickname. She winced then corrected herself. “…Vanessa will be joining us to-mor-row.” Her lips pressed into a thin line.
Vanessa, her “friend,” who is obviously so super in love with her and doesn’t respect you at all. You swear Vanessa hates you, even though your girlfriend claims that you might be overreacting.
Hey, maybe you are.
Maybe Vanessa is truly as kind as she acts, but you just never liked her and you do not care enough to get to know Vanessa.
“Eugh, no. Why?”
“It’s her sister’s party, what do you think? She wasn’t gonna get invited.”
Her coworker and close friend Mandy (Vanessa’s older sister) planned a Valentine’s Day dinner
“She’s not even in a relationship though. I thought it was couples only.” You sat on the floor, crisscrossed, arms folded.
“Apperaently she has a partner.”
“Finally,” you mutter under your breath. Your girlfriend rolled her eyes and sank down beside you, her arms caging you in as her palms flattened against the fluffy carpet on either side of your thighs
“Please don’t be like that.” She lifted your chin. You were already frowning.
“I can’t help it. She’s so obsessed with you.”
“No, she’s not. She’s just like that with everyone.”
Yeah. Because she hugs and clings to apparently everyone. And leans in too close. And texts at 8 p.m. asking for opinions, asking how their day went. Just friendly, yeah sure.
“You’re so blind.” You pushed yourself up and flopped onto her bed, your legs landing on top of a pile of jeans and trousers.
She groans and rubs her eyes tiredly. You have started getting territorial lately. She didn’t mind it, not really. But it got to a point where you refused to hang out with certain people for almost two months. You overdid the PDA in public. She didn’t complain; but it wore on you more than it did on her
“I am not,” she exhaled, then threw herself onto you.
“Uff–” The air left your lungs as her weight pressed into you.
“‘Cause when we get to the restaurant,” she murmured, settling in, “I’m gonna sit next to you.” Her chin rested on your shoulder. She brushed your hair back gently. “I’m gonna eat off your plate. Whisper in your ear.”
She continued, her voice dropped lower, honeyed. “I'm going to go home with you. And then I’m gonna eat yo–”
“Okay! Okay!” You cut her off, face burning. She laughed against your skin.
“I swear if she tries anything–”
“She won’t.” Her hand slid down your arm until her fingers laced with yours. “And even if she did…” She pressed a slow kiss just below your ear.
“I’m yours.”
Present Time; Feb 13.
Not even fifteen minutes later, a pair of arms wrap around your waist. A chin settles on your shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, her breath warm against your nape. You close your eyes and exhale, the frown never leaving your face.
“I don’t know what you've done to me,” her voice laced with sincerity. “I'm feeling things I just can't control.” She hates how much she needs you. You hate how much she affects you.
“Every time I try to leave, you just won't let go,” you reply. Her arms tighten around you at that. Neither of you can detach, no matter how many times you threaten to leave.
“If you left…” She swallows. “I wouldn’t sleep. I’d pretend I’m fine. A-Act like I don’t care. But I would.”
You lean back into her without meaning to
“It wont…it doesn't feel right without you. It doesn’t feel safe.,” she keeps admitting.
“Can we talk please, tell me why you’re scared.” Your chest aches. “I’m no–” she starts automatically, then stops herself off. The lie dies before it can leave her mouth. Her grip loosens slightly, like she’s deciding whether to protect her pride or protect you.
“…Because if I need you,” she says finally, voice rough, “...it’ll hurt a hell of a lot more when you leave.”
a/n: I know v-day was like 4 days ago, but here's this one shot I began to write as I was in the subway & saw this stylish sapphic couple sitting across from me literally making out on valentines day.
And thank you all for sitting and taking time to read what I write. Words aren’t enough when I want to express my gratitude. Such a memorable year for me.
Seriously, I started writing just for fun, just because… Now! there are so many people who have expanded my creative side. Every comment, reblog, request, every interaction really does matter so much to me.
I want to just hug y’all.
Next year, I plan to be my best. Not disappoint.
—Happy New Year! Thank you, thank you, thank you, all.
You arrived at her place at 9pm the night after. Gifts shoved in a random grocery bag. A cute little Santa hat and a smile so bright.
No alarms, no rushing…just the soft white lights peaking through her curtains. You had your matching holiday Pjs on (surprisingly her idea), hair curled at the ends scooped in a scarf.
The sound of the city was a hum, it was a Holiday Day so majority were waking up later—opening gifts. Not having to go to their 7am shift.
She smells warm. Feels warm wrapped up in blankets that smell like her laundry detergent and her. One of her legs slung over yours, heavy but holding you in place.
You peck small kisses on her head. Then her forehead. Cheeks. Pecks on her nose is what got her.
“Hey,” she murmurs, voice rough with sleep.
You rest your chin on her arm. You hum and close your eyes. “Happy Holidays!”
“Happy holidays, pretty.”
She smiles, she always does that: smiles before she speaks.
“Let’s unwrap them!” You pulled out a box from underneath you.
You two made your way to her living room.
A small tree stood in the corner. Lights hung, even little snowflakes. You wanted to decorate her apartment together this year.
You go first. The shoes make her audibly gasp, an actual sound disbelieving. She open the box, pulls one out in the most gentle manner possible. She tries it on right there, socked foot against the hardwood.
“They fit,” she say softly. Leaning to kiss your forehead.
“I knew they were your size,” you’re a bit smug for someone who was so doubtful.
Her look screams, ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’
The scarf, gloves, and beanie come next. Cozy, practical, exactly her. She presses the scarf to her cheek before wrapping it around her neck like she needs to feel it against her skin.
Now, that tee, the bra, the matching boy shorts…she pauses there, cheeks warming. You never gotten her actual underwear, pjs? Yes. But panties, bras? No.
“Okay, this is cute,” she holds up the more girly tee shirt.
She unwrapped the other gifts you gotten her. A smile never leaving her face, being humble about everything.
Then it’s your turn.
Bath & Body Works bags first. She watches your face. You unscrew a cap, inhale and hum…
“Mhm,” you nod. “That’s what I’m talking about.”
Her shoulders drop in relief. “Oh thank god.”
You laugh, burying your nose into your wrist immediately after rubbing it; already imagining her doing the same later.
Snacks follow. Your favorites, remembered without asking.
Then the box.
You open it slowly. The two piece set. Lavender. Lace. Soft and seductive all at once.
Your eyes flick up to hers.
She’s biting her lip nervously.
“You didn’t—”
“I did,” she says quietly. “I saw it and I thought of you and I couldn’t not.”
You swallow. Closing your legs tightly, entirely inappropriate for ten in the morning.
You lean forward and kiss her. Slow. Also sayings “Thank you.”.
The charm bracelet makes you stop completely. Small, delicate, charms that meant specific things to you two. You turn it over in your hands, a small pout on your lips.
“I love it,” you murmur against her mouth.
“I love you,” she says, like it slips out before she can stop it.
*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
You’re in front of the mirror first, carefully pinning your hair into soft, sculpted 1940s peek-a-boo curls that frame your face just right. The dress you slip into is elegant, fitted in all the right places, the kind of fabric that moves when you do, that gives you all the attention without seeking.
She watches from the bed, already dressed. You’re art to her.
Her outfit mirrors yours in spirit, tailored pants, crisp and flattering, a top that hugs her body just enough. Feminine plus Masculine and elegant, softened by the scarf you got her earlier, now wrapped loosely around her neck, belonging there.
“You look…” she trails off.
“Say it,” you tease. Bending closer to the mirror to apply lipstick.
“Jeez, not even words can describe you right now.” She groans. Walking behind you, wraps her arms your waist.
You laugh, turn, and adjust her collar for her. Your fingers brush her jaw. She leans into it instinctively.
The party is warm and glowing. Friends greet you both with easy smiles, compliments thrown your way. You stick close to each other, hips brushing, hands finding excuses to touch.
Someone puts on an old holiday record and you dance in the kitchen, laughing when she spins you a little too dramatically.
It’s fun. Festive. Super classy without being a pain.
By the time you get home, it’s late and you’re shivering, cheeks flushed, coats half slipped off, arms full of goodie bags and leftovers and borrowed Tupperware.
You don’t even make it to the couch.
You both collapse onto the floor instead, backs against the coffee table. Shoes kicked off. You dig through the goodie bags like kids, pulling out cookies, candy, little wrapped favors.
She feeds you something sweet without asking. You steal a bite from her hand.
“You had fun?” she asks, mouth full.
You nod, chewing. “Yeah. I really did.” Lifting your hand up to feed her a chocolate.
“Good.” She smiles at that.
“These are so fucking good,” you say, already reaching for a second one.
“I took three from that table,” she admits. “For later.”
You talk about nothing and everything: who looked the best at the party, the terrible playlist someone tried to sneak in, the way the host’s dog kept stealing attention.
She even mentioned, how she was at the mall the day before, saw a chick wearing similar bedazzled jeans and fur rim jacket similar to your.
It’s easy, comfortable. The kind of talking that only happens when the night is coming down and neither of you wants it to end yet.
You’re cross legged now, dress pooled around your legs. She leans back on her hands, pants slightly wrinkled, scarf loosened, laughing.
She grows quieter after a while.
You notice it when she stops reaching for snacks, when her fingers start fidgeting with the edge of a paper bag.
“Hey,” you say gently. “You okay?”
She nods, then exhales. “Yeah. I just…wait. One more thing.”
She reaches into her coat pocket, pulls out a small envelope. Plain, no glitter, no jokes written on the front. Just your name, handwritten.
“There’s a card,” she says quickly. “But there’s… more inside this time. You don’t have to read it now if—”
You already take it from her.
Inside is a card, sweet and simple. Tucked behind it is a folded letter. Your heart beats a little before you even open it.
You read silently.
About how she saw you that first day and didn’t know how to place the feeling. About how you make things feel warmer, safer. How even in a crowded world, even in chaos, you’re the thought she keeps returning to. About loving you quietly at first, then all at once. About wanting to keep choosing you on loud days and boring ones and holidays and random Tuesdays.
Your vision blurs halfway through. You don’t say anything when you finish.
You just set the letter carefully beside you, scoot closer, and lean into her. Wrap your arms around her like it’s instinct, like it’s the only possible response.
She stops for half a second, then melts into you, arms tightening around your back, face tucked into your shoulder.
That familiar scent hit her. The old perfume you had worn for years…driving her absolutely wild.
It linger on your skin, mixing with the faint sweat from dancing at the party. “God, you still smell like this,” she murmured, voice low and husky. She nuzzled closer, lips brushing your collarbone.
You shiver, your hands sliding up her back,”Like what?” You teased, but your breath hitched as her mouth found your pulse point.
She kissed you there soft at first, then firmer. Tongue flicking out like she’s trying to taste the scent. One hand slipped down to cup your ass through the dress, squeezing the firm flesh, pulling your hips flush against hers.
You gasped, fingers tangling in her hair as the kiss deepened. Her other hand roamed up your side, thumb grazing the underside of your breast, teasing the hardening nipple through the fabric.
You broke apart just enough to breathe, foreheads touching, eyes locked with heat. “I've been thinking about getting you out of this dress all night,” she whispered, her fingers tracing the hem, inching it higher on your thigh.
You bit your lip, a mischievous view. “Follow me.”
You took her hand, leading her down the short hallway to the bedroom. The door creaked open, revealing the soft glow of the bedside lamp she left on. You stepped inside, turning to face her as you slowly unzipped your dress.
The fabric beautifully down your body, pooling at your feet to reveal the new set she bought you. You put a Santa hat on. You move closer, step by step, until she’s looking up at you, lips ajar, hands stuck at her sides like she doesn’t trust herself.
“You wore it,” she murmurs.
“For you,” you say simply.
You sway first, slow, teasing, then spin for her, let the hat wobble. Giving her a little show.
Her eyes darkened with desire, gaze raking over your exposed skin. “Fuck, that’s hotter than i imagined,” she breathed, stepping closer.
She reached out, fingers trailing over the lace covering your breasts, then down to hook into the panties waistband. You arched into the touch, your body already aching with anticipation as she pulled up in for another kiss, hands exploring every inch of the sexy new set.
Her fingers tightened on your hips, bringing you closer until your bodies collided in the dim bedroom light.
She pushed you backward gently, guiding you toward the bed with its rumpled sheets from the morning. Your lace covered breasts rose with each quick breath as you sank onto the mattress, pulling her down with you.
Both tumbled together, lips crashing in a passionate kiss, tongues sliding against each other, wet and urgent.
You moan into her mouth, your fingers digging into her shoulders. She breaks the kiss to trail her lips down your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there, making react.
She whispers something, her breath hot against your collarbone.
Then unhooks your bra with ease, tossing it aside, and her mouth drops on your nipple. She sucks hard, her tongue flicking over the hardened peak, while her hand kneads your other breast.
You gasp, your hips bucking involuntarily as pleasure flies straight to your core. Your panties are already soaked, the lace clinging to your wet core.
After a second, you push her back gently, flipping your positions so she's beneath you. You straddle her waist, grinding your hips down against her as you kiss her deeply.
Your hands explore her body…taking her clothes halfway off. Managing to cupping her full breasts, teasing until she lets out a rare whimpers. You slide lower, kissing a path down her stomach, your tongue dipping into her navel before reaching the high point of her thighs.
You crawl back up her body. Her hands yank down your panties, freeing what’s been aching the most. She rolls you onto your back, her fingers immediately finding your clit, rubbing in tight circles that have you squirming.
“I wanna hear you,” she growls, sliding two fingers deep inside you.
She pumps them in and out, her thumb pressing against your clit, while her mouth latches onto your breast again. The dual sensations build quickly, your walls fluttering around her fingers.
You grip the sheets, your back lifting off the bed as she drives you higher. She adds a third finger, stretching you deliciously, and you come undone, pulsing as ecstasy rips through you.
You breathe for a second. Looking at her and the bedside tables clock. Night was still young.
She positions herself between your legs. Hooking one thigh over her hip. Your cores press together, slippery and hot, as she starts to grind against you.
The friction is electric: your buds rubbing with every roll of her hips. You match her rhythm, thrusting up to meet her, your hands on her ass pulling her closer.
She leans down to kiss you, her breasts brushing yours, that sends sparks through your body.
The scissoring action got more tense, your wet folds sliding together, the pressure building. You both moan into each other's mouths, the bed creaking under your passionate movements. Her clit grinds against yours harder, faster, and you feel another orgasm mixing tight in your stomach.
“Cum with me,” she breathes, voice husky.
And you do…bodies lock together as you both climax. Waves of pleasure crashing over you. She collapses onto you. Both of you panting.
She lies back against the pillows, her chest rising and falling; eyes lock on yours with that hunger. You can't resist the magnet.
Straddling her hips, you position yourself so your thighs support around her waist, your dripping core hovering just above hers.
“Again,” you smiled, looking like an excited puppy.
“The holidays gave you a lot of stamina,” she reaches up, her hands gripping your hips firmly, guiding you down until your body meets her slippery body again.
“I just wantto enjoy my favorite present this year,” you run your fingers through your hair.
Your clit brushing hers in a shock of pleasure that makes you both gasp.
You start to move, rolling your hips in slow, circles on purpose, grinding your pussy against her with building intensity. Her wetness mixes with yours this creating a slippery friction that has you moaning low in your throat.
And she’s watching you.
“Fuuck yea. Ride me like that,” she grunts, her voice rough and needy.
Earlier at the party, she was wearing Reindeer ears while you wore a Santa hat. The thought causing you to laugh quietly.
Her fingers dig into your ass, urging you faster as you picked up the pace…now that caused you to stop laughing.
You lean forward, bracing your hands on her shoulders for leverage. You grind harder, chasing that yummy pressure, your inner walls clenching around nothing as arousal builds again.
“You like me like this?” You ask, hair and make up still gorgeous despite the under eye smudges. “Getting me to react like this after that beautiful card.”
“I-I-I love you,” her eyes were practically rolling back. She began to go on about how she loves you and you’re the best thing in her life and all that confessional shit she does while sex.
“I really do love you,” she repeated with sincerity.
You chuckle. “You’re so cute.” You pinch her cheeks dearly, complete opposite of what you were doing.
She bucks up to meet you, her hips lifting off the bed to match your rhythm. One of her hands slides between you, her fingers finding your clit and rubbing it in firm strokes while you continue to ride her.
The added touch pushes you closer to the edge, your movements growing erratic, desperate. You capture her mouth in a messy kiss, tongues fighting as you fuck against her, the wet sounds of your cores slapping together filling the room.
Sweat beads on your skin. Going down your back as you chase the euphoria. She arches beneath you, her free hand caressing your hair, gripping so your lips pucker. Your lips coated in spit, shining like gloss, you were sucking on them to suppress those porno style moans.
Your pussy throbs against hers, and with a final-hard grind, you shatter. Pleasure through you. Your wetness soaking her as you come undone, trembling in result.
She follows right after, her body shuddering under yours. A guttural moan escaping her lips as her orgasm hits. You collapse forward onto her chest, both of you panting again. Her arms wrap around you, holding you close
“That was…” she starts, then exhales a small laugh.
“Yeah.”
You hum, smiling to yourself. Too tired to tease her. Feeling so happy to speak.
She gently presses a kiss to the top of your head.
You knew that. You left everything last minute. For fucks sakes. Why? Lazy…or simply you forgot.
The mall?
A mistake. The moment you step inside and get swallowed by heat, noise, and artificial pine scented air freshener or is it cinnamon..depending on the section you’re in. Holidays is in twenty four hours. Everything will be closed after twenty four hours.
You tighten your coat around yourself. Lower down the fur rim hood and open the notes app anyway.
Christmas List:
• Something thoughtful (important)
• Something warm (she’s always cold)
• Something silly or playful
• Wrapping paper
• Tape! Tape! Tape! Tape don’t forget the tape. Never tape at home. Make sure to go to the crafts store.
You pick up the pace. First stop: a crowded bookshop. There’s a table labeled: “Best Gifts.” You look at the mugs, with sayings. Corny things that doesn’t fit her. You think of getting it just to shit on her.
“Would she want a peppermint scented candle?” You talk to yourself.
A vinyl record, you almost grab it. Holiday Jazz, soft, probably crackles like fire in the chimney. You read the songs on the back, just imaging playing it on the background of her quiet apartment.
You put it back. ‘Is it too intimate?’ You think to yourself. No, you want intimate, but you also want something that means more.
You leave empty handed.
*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
She’s already annoyed, finding a spot in the parking lot. She could’ve taken the bus for $2 like you did. But nope, here she is in competition with some lady trying to get this parking spot.
By the time she makes it inside she regrets it: children crying, lights a bit blinding, employees trying to give freebies, teenagers walking so slow.
She rubs her temples and exhale. Looking at the scrap of paper she had in her pockets, written the moment she woke up:
Things to get:
Get her something cute she’ll actually wear
Personal.
Small trinkets that are meaningful
Snacks?
Gift bag
A card (write inside it this time!)
She walks fast, shoulders squared, dodging groups. She wasn’t trained for this, but hearing your stories…she was ready.
A clothing store, one of many many. Immediately too much, racks are either overstuffed or empty. People lingering. Employees hovering over her: “Need help? Want a bag? Is everything okay?”
She just smiles and shakes her head. “I’m ok.”
She heads towards the sweaters. She runs her fingers over the soft knits, pausing at one in your favorite color.
She holds it up, squints, imaging you in it: oversized, sleeves perfectly long, stealing it from each other back and forth. She bites her lip.
Into the bag she ended up getting from an employee.
Her watch lets her know her phone is in 20%. She curses softly and turns the brightness down.
Little did she know you were right behind her. Passing through the store, on your way to your next location. Her back towards the door, looking at the jeans.
*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
‘60% off’
‘15 for $30 underwear’
70% on body mists.’
Pink (v.s) is on sale and closes at 4pm.
You can’t help it. You weave in between shoppers. Ignoring the PDA couples and giggling tweens who knows no one but their friends will see the thong they’re about to buy. You don’t judge; you were like them once.
A two piece set in a cute lavender catches your attention. Soft lace, delicate bows, playful….exactly what you’ll buy for yourself.
“No,” you murmur. Not for you, you’re shopping today for her. “Not this time.” You turn it over and examine it more.
But what if you get it? You could wear that sheer babydoll dress, and cover up you got for your birthday. You could wait for her by the small Christmas tree in heels. Curl your hair or style it. Make her untie the front…
“Sigh,” you frowned. Scratching your head and lifting a brow. You put it down gently.
Instead you grab something else: plaid boy shorts and it’s matching comfy bra, a cute tee. It’s something playful-bit girly but she’s comfortable with her sexuality she wouldn’t mind this innocent gift.
You wander the aisles, scanning the racks some more. A couple infront of you are discussing a pj set. “It’s really pretty,” you hear the girlfriend practically beg for it.
“This one is nicer.” The boyfriend holds up a more revealing one.
You’re so noisy, paying attention to them. Totally unaware of who just entered the store.
She stops scans around. Not noticing own girlfriend’s back.
Picking up the panties and looking at them. She remembers your measurements like they were her own. She also remembers what type of lingerie makes you comfortable and which ones you wouldn’t buy.
That’s why when she steps in front of the same display you were just at; the same two piece set catches her eye as well.
Imagination runs wild, “Perfect,” she breathes under her breath. Perfect for you.
And you? Walking out with a new purchase.
*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
“How do you smell, baby? What perfume did you buy that one time at Bath and Body?” She thinks to herself.
Eyes scanning the rows of scented candles, lotions, and sprays. She knows she wants that one. The scent that makes her stomach fill with butterflies every time she catches it on your wrist. Kissing up to your forearm.
She has spent the past 15 minutes smelling over 10 different fragrance. Regretting not paying more attention to you that day you made her smell it.
Her head was hurting and she was getting nauseous.
“It’s light scented but not too subtle because you could smell it from a mile. And it’s sweet but not peppermint sweet or the pound cake one. Maybe the floral ones but I can’t tell you if it’s cherry blossom…” she’s desperately trying to describe the smell to a regretful unfortunate employee.
The employee…smiling through the confusion.
“…kinda like winter but warmer? Oh god, it’s hard to explain. But sta with me…” Your girlfriend gestures with her hands helplessly, trying to paint a picture of the smell. The employee’s head moving along.
The employee tilts her head, eyebrows furrowing. “Hmm…can you give me a product line or any more details?”
She groans softly. “I wish I could! I…smell it on someone I like a lot. Okay, okay, it’s comforting, cozy…like…like the morning, maybe? It’s not a Holiday line”
“Unfortunately we’re only displaying the seasonal products. Like cinnamon and peppermint and those:” the employee points at what’s on the shelves.
Your girlfriend huffs.
“But I can show you scents that sound familiar to what you’re describing.” The employee gestures her to follow.
Meanwhile above the store, another employee is shoving holding a box of new shoes. Ones that not only she needs but haswanted for a while.
Perfect pair. You grin at the thought of her face when she opens them, imagining her toes wiggling inside, satisfied smirk she always tries to hide.
All you pray for is that they’re a perfect SIZE! You knew it, yet sometimes, you’re either that number and half or lower then what you thought.
*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
You’re almost done shopping thankfully. You sit down, massaging your wrist and just taking a breather. You’ve been walking nonstop.
You check your phone.
No messages since the morning. You frown to yourself. You’ve been thinking on what to get her, you completely forgot her in general.
You: Hey love, wyd?
She replies almost 3 minutes later.
Her: hi babe. how are you?
Her: im at the mall right now wbu?
You stop. Blink.
You: Really? Which mall?
She shares location.
“That’s fucking crazy,” you chuckle to no one. “No way.”
She was at the same mall as you. At the same time.
You hesitate and look to the left of you: the gifts.
Her: I’ve been here for past two hours. Getting you something special ;)
Her: wyd my pretty. Miss u sm
You: At the bank. Ugh, long boring line.
Her: at the bank? To make sure you still got those $4
You: to be honest…I swear I only have $4
You lied. So what? You don’t wanna see what she got you and you don’t wanna show her what you got her. The bags are gonna be so obvious.
You stand up, grab your bags. You look over your shoulder. Every turn, every aisle, you find yourself thinking: ‘Don’t bump into her. Don’t make eye contact. Just…head down.’
Your heart is racing more than it did running between stores earlier. You can’t believe how ridiculous this is. All you need is to buy or more thing, a video game after that you’re running back to the bus stop.
‘What if she wants to buy it for herself and is currently there?’
You peek around the corner: a familiar jacket. You freeze.
Nope. Not her. Not her.
You duck into a nearby store, pretending to be absorbed by a sale on fuzzy socks. You crouch behind a display, scanning for…anything. For signs, a glimpse of her.
*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
You managed to finish your shopping. Waiting for the bus, bags in hands. Satisfied with your shopping. You got her everything you planned, spent a pretty penny this day.
Also satisfied: You didn’t see her.
She didn’t see the bag you carried.
Once you arrived home you began to set everything up. Music in the background. Gifts set up by size, scissors next to the wrapping paper…
pls pls plssss tell me there’s a part 7 to the makeup artist story 🥹 it’s so good i could cry !!!!!!!!!!
Imagine #28: “…she’s a make up artist?”
(makeupartist!reader - masterlist- insert female love interest - aftermath of closet sex - social media gossip - bittersweet - angsty - melodramatic - heavy dialouge- added background characters - kinda proofread - 3.9k words)
A/n: oh gosh this chapter is so long overdue. So here’s a chapter with drama and shit to keep the plot going. I've had this half-written in drafts since September. Forgive me my lovelies.
7 ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
You don’t wait for her.
Your heart is still racings, knees are weak, her words still pounding in your skull: “God, I love you.”
You just want to bang your head against the wall and yell: “No you don’t!” Over and over and over.
With every pluck of the rose, ‘she didn’t it mean it. Pluck, ‘she did.’ Pluck, ‘she didn’t.’ Pluck, ‘she did.’
You don’t know. You don’t WANT to know.
You smooth down your silver dress, fix your lipstick with one swipe of your thumb, and pretend your world didn’t flip with 4 words.
Behind you, the door shuts.
Her
You feel her before you look at her. She looks…undone. Cheeks flushed, lips a little redder, sunglasses back on even though the hallway is dim and empty. She tries to look casual hands in pockets, chin up, breathing even.
But you can see the reality in the way she won’t look directly at you. Lips still a little swollen from biting down on them when she came.
You keep walking and she follows.
Just two steps behind you because she has to, cause the PR team has eyes everywhere. Cause Tina Carr is somewhere inside this fucking place, and the internet already believes Tina and her are in love.
You re-enter the party first, lights, perfume, champagne, fake laughter.
Someone bumps into you and you realize you’re back on the clock. You shake out your hands; You’re a makeup artist again.
NOT the girl who was just on her knees for a woman she can’t have.
Bambi (the birthday girl), is calling your name from across the room. She’s loud, drunk, sweaty and glittery. Slurring her words, “BAAABEESS, touch up! My gloss is GONE!!”
You give Bambi a force smile and make your way through the crowd with her. Her security moves just enough to let you through. Back towards your table of powders and brushes, and beauty sponges and the other tired stylists eating cheap small sandwiches Bambi’s team brought out.
Your coworkers give you looks, half sympathy. One of them mouthes, “Girl, breathe.”
Behind you, she walks back into the main room and immediately finds Tina. Of course. And Tina beams when she sees her. Wrapping her arms around her neck, and her hands on Tina’s waist instinctively.
Yet, she’s looking at you.
You feel her gaze slide down your side, lingering on your legs, your hair, your side profile, your mouth. She stares at your mouth like she can still feel it.
You try to focus on Bambi’s lipgloss, but you can see how Tina notices, her smile falters enough.
“Somethin’ happen?” Bambi asks, all sugary yet strict. Can’t let you forget you’re working for her.
“No,” you say. You lie so easily. Well…you’ve had practice.
When you finally finish with Bambi and her sticky lipgloss (and other necessities), you try to escape again. To sit down and breathe. Ignore the fact that she’s a bit closer than before, in perfect view.
Talking to some producers, Tina at her side—so close it makes your head hurt AND THEYRE NOT EVEN TOUCHING.
It shouldn’t matter, technically you won right? She said she loves you. But it does! She’s standing there smiling for cameras that aren’t there, living for a world that’s curated.
You look away and shake it off. You get up and go to work. For the next 30 minutes: powdering sweat off rich people’s forehead, fixing mascara smudges, blotting lipstick, pretending you’re not dying inside.
You barely look at her (or for her) again. She does though.
Every. Damn. Time. - Every time you pass by. - Every time you bend down to adjust a heel strap on someone. - Every time you reach for a brush - like she’s starving, and she can’t touch you.
Especially not here.
༺♱༻
You’re returning from the bathroom. Politely making your way through people. About to hit a wall, so exhausted.
You need real air, like outside air. So you step outside. Standing near a railing, fingers numb.
A dark side alley with few guests smoking as if it’ll warm them from the chilly air.
You don’t notice the phone pointed your way at first. Until you see the flash!
You turn your head to see who was snapping pictures. Maybe it wasn’t of you, maybe you’re the one photobombing someone’s photo.
However there’s two more flashes followed by a whisper, “Wait…it must be her. Cuz Tina is wearing Pink tonight, not silver.”
You get goosebumps. You were never good with gossip, let alone celebrity gossip. LET ALONE! YOU being part of celebrity gossip.
You’re not drunk enough to confront them. So you pretend you don’t notice.
“That’s crazy though! And so messy, like girl…” someone chuckles.
“Nah X (twitter) is going to have a fucking field day with this one.”
༺♱༻
You refuse to open your phone that night.
Something is not right. Something crawling in your spine, a bad vibe.
A few photos went up before the party ended.
You're coming out the closet.
She's coming out the closet in the other photo, subtly trying to fix her pants.
ANOTHER photo of you fixing you lipstick with your thumb.
There's two more you don't even wanna see. All posted by some random clout chaser - random influencer’s friend:
“Ummm…why were they in a closet together at Bambi’s Party?”
Eventually you caved in around 3am. When you’re home, alone…
“Another photo? Fuck.” You groan, running your hands down your face. “Fuck!”
The internet did what it fucking always does:
Zooms in. Brightness up. Enhances. Comes up with theories.
First comment:
“That’s Tina Carr? Rightttt?”
“Wait, no this dress looks silver???”
“WHO tf wore SILVER tonight?!”
You sit up.
“The girl in silver was with the stylists earlier.”
“Check Bambi’s stylists team from her last story. Someone tagged them.”
“OMG YALL I FOUND HER @ !!….shes a makeup artist!
“Wait…she’s a makeup artist? IJBOL. NO WAY!?”
You feel nauseous, you open Instagram. Yup, there it is, in your DMs. A socialite tagged a stylist, who tagged you in her carousel.
One of the slides: a bathroom mirror pic.
There you are: in silver, tagged, your dress, posing all cutely.
There YOU are: your face, your name, your username placed on your chest.
You were public of course. You work for famous people, companies. Your social media presence was like a portfolio — a resume.
And now, your resume has been tainted with.
You want to cry so bad.
Your DMs start to ping. A fan account posts a screenshot;
“The Closet girl is a makeup artist. She has worked in LA, NYC, ALT, and even in the UK. She has done HER makeup more than a few times actually. This is her, below is her company’s account and her @ in other platforms…”
Before you lock your phone you see one more comment that shakes you:
“So she’s def the girl from the ice cream photo.”
“They’ve been spotted together again?”
Your mouth is so dry and your thoughts are running like a motor. They know! At least they think they do.
Theories are theories.
Internet theories are all alleged.
But you know they’re not. And you’ve been online long enough to know that once the dots are connected it’s OVER.
༺♱༻
Your alarm doesn’t even go off, before your phone violently buzzes against your nightstand. You jolt awake, literally terrified. Head pounding from the five hours of sleep you barely got.
For one dumbass reason, you think it’s her.
Unknown Number
You sit up fast getting lightheaded in the processes.
Unknown Number: Hey, it’s Tina. We need to talk.
You stare. Thumb hovering over the screen, stomach twisting. “How the fuck did you get my number?” You mumble to yourself.
Another message pops up:
Unknown Number: Don’t worry, I’m not mad. I just want to make sure everything stays under control. Can you pick up?
You don’t get to answer before your phone rings. Not giving you the free will to accept or decline.
You wait twice. On the third ring you force yourself to swipe. Your voice coming out dead, small, rough.
“….hello?”
Tina exhales like she has been waiting for you to mess shit up and scold you. Like a manager who’s been tailing you.
Her tone is sweet, but the artificial sweetness that has been chemically produced and enhanced. Years of manufacturing.
“Hi, honey. So glad you answered.”
You blink. “How…did you get my—“
“We are all professionals in the same industry,” she cut you off, but in a light tone. “Numbers circulate. People talk. You know how it is.”
No, you don’t. You really don’t know how it is. Because it’s never the artist/celebrity/influencer themselves who contact you. Half of the time you don’t even get a call, just a DM or email from their manager or assistant.
Tina continues, “I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures. Obviously…they’re blowing up. And obviously, we all want this handled right away.”
You listen, you don’t speak.
“So here’s the thing,” Tina hums. “The rumors of me and her has been good for both of us. Good press. Good visibility. The public eats this lesbian ‘women loving women’ thing up. It’s profitable as well and cute.”
You close your eye.
She keeps going, voice airy:
“And this…” she pauses. You can feel her pinching the bridge of her nose, “…closet thing? Very very messy. Very inconvenient. On the flip side, that silver dress was gorgeous. You looked nice.”
She was definitely complimenting the dress more than you, but you just let her slide.
“Look,” Tina’s tone softening. “No one is blaming you. You were just doing your job, right? People assume things. Fans talk too much, run wild. Happens all the time.”
You finally manage a whisper. “I wasn’t— I didn’t—“
“I know,” Tina cuts in smoothly. “Which is why it’s best if you don’t say anything publicly. At all, don’t clarify, don’t dent, don’t provoke anything.”
She pauses.
Your heart pounds.
With her sugary sugar tone, “She has enough stress as it is. The last thing she needs is to worry about… mistakes.”
Mistakes. That hurts.
“I’m not trying to be harsh,” Tina continues, softer. “I’m protecting her. And you, actually. You don’t want this tied to your name. Trust me.”
You stare at the wall.
Your voice barely exists when it comes out: “…alright.”
Tina murmurs. “Just keep quiet. Let it fade. And give her some space. She doesn’t need distractions right now.”
The call ends before you can exhale. “Bitch.” You lower your phone.
Everything inside you caves in.
༺♱༻
Couple of Hours Earlier
Five in the morning...barely.
The city outside the hotel window is still dark, orange streetlights casting over. She hasn’t slept, she never does after appearances, but she’s lying on her back anyway, staring at the ceiling.
This is how she finds out. How she always finds out about ANYTHING really: from the faint glow of her assistants iPad and the foot steps of her pacing.
Not from her own phone. Or a text. Even from you.
No. A knock from her assistant, her entering the room, and just being distress. That's how she knows some shit is happening.
Her phone is face down on the nightstand. She didn't put like that.
Her assistant clears her throat. "Alright, okay," she says carefully which is never a good sign. "So...we have a situation."
She sits up immediately. "With what? Tina?"
There's a long pause and a grimaced look.
"With...someone else."
Her stomach drops. The iPad is turned toward her and there it is. Grainy, cropped, zoomed in so much it's ridiculous. Two figures exiting a service hallway. One unmistakably her, lazy posture, cool shades on, hands on the bottom of her top. The other in a silver dress, hair styled familiarly, face half hidden by shadow.
The caption of this post being hard to swallow:
WHO IS THE CLOSET GIR?
NOT TINA
NOT A FAN
NOT EVEN A RANDOM!!!
She doesn't need to see the tags, speculate the deep dives. She knows exactly who it is.
"Jesus," she mutters, dragging a hand down her face.
Her assistant is already talking, analytics, reach, how fast it's spreading, which blogs-accounts-pages reported on it first. She's not even listenting, her head fills with you instead.
Your laugh in the closet, hand on her jacket. The way you had looked at her, like it was just the two of you in the world.
She gulps, "Is she trending?" she asks, quietly.
"Yes," her assistant admits. "But right now, not by name."
Relief and dread crash together in her chest.
She reaches for her phone without thinking. Stops. Turns it over and still no new messages from you. She exhales shakily.
Her assistant watches her carefully. "Your team is drafting a statement. Tina's team too. They want to--"
"No," she snaps, quicker than she meant. The assistant freezes.
She steadies herself, lowers her voice, "No statements yet."
"They are saying silence could look suspicious."
"Everything looks suspicious when people want a drama story," she mutters. "Give 'em time. They'll move on to something else."
She doesn't even believe that herself. Because this isn't like before. Before, it was easy. Before, secrets felt thrilling and exciting. Before, she could separate everything.
You weren't supposed to get caught in the pits of her celebrity hell.
She logs in and scrolls despite herself. Headlines already shifting tone.
"Look at these..." her assistant sent her.
Tina's Love Story: Are they still together?
Body language experts say otherwise! Who is SHE really looking at?
Now it's a clip from a video, loading slowly. Last night, Tina leaning in, whispering something at the party. But the video pans and zooms into her, her gaze.
Not on Tina, fuck, she wasn't even being subtle. Searching the room, looking for you.
"These motherfuckers are so fast." she grunts. "Who even filmed this?"
Her assistant shrugs and clears her throat. "Tina is not thrilled."
That make sense. Tina has always been hardheaded and organized. Always understood the arrangements for what it was. This...this isn't clean. This isn't controllable.
"She thinks you're getting sloppy...and making her look stupid."
She laughs once, humorless: "I am."
She never said it out loud before, but the truth is she didn't care really. She doesn't just want you. She cares. In the inconvenient, terrifying way that makes everything harder.
She rubs her temples. "Have you heard from her?" And by her, she means you.
The assistant shakes her head. "No."
That hurt her more. She imagines you waking up alone. Seeing the posts. The comments. Your name dragged into shit you didn't ask for. She knew how much your career meant to you, your fears. Her throat tightens.
"She didn't sign up for this," she says softly. "I did."
Her assistant hesitates. "Your manager just texted me...the team thinks it might be best if you...distance yourself for a bit."
The words feel like a slap across the face, twice.
"No," she says immediately.
"Just temporarily. Until it dies down. Get a new make up artist or--."
She stands abruptly, restless, now she's the one pacing the suite. "That's not happening."
"This is your career--"
"And she's a person," she cuts in. "One I care about. A lot..."
Silence.
That meant cut you off her life for a long long time. Make you disappear from her world. Not the famous one, but even her own world: the one she was herself.
Her assistant studies her, realization coming. "You're serious."
She stops pacing.
"Yes," she says. No hesitation. "I am."
Another notification from the iPad buzzes. A message sent from her manger. A new article. A new angle.
Was this fairy-tale romance a PR stunt, now crumbling? Sources say Tina 'FRUSTRATED' with her Knight in Shining Armor's behavior.
She's leaning over her assistants shoulder to read. "Seriously? Who the fuck-- Tina needs new fucking companions because what the actual---." She can't even finish her sentences. She flops down on the bed.
She checks her phone. Opens your chat: still nothing.
Her heart aches with the need to protect you, to explain, to apologize, clarify...but she knows better. Anything she says now could make it worse.
So she types. Deletes. Types again. Deletes again.
Finally, she sends only one thing:
'Are you okay?'
The message delivers. She stares at it.
Outside, the city is waking up.
Inside, everything feels like it's going to crack and swallow her whole.
And for the first time since this all began, she knows, deep in her bones, that pretending this doesn't matter isn't an option anymore.
Not when it's you.
༺♱༻
It's been 2 hours since your call with Tina.
When everything turns into shit, you like to do your skin care, shower, fix your home from top to bottom.
So you do that exactly.
You start with the shower, so hot that you don't know if it's relaxing or punishing. Let the steam fog your thoughts and mirror. Let the water massage your shoulders and beat them 'til they're sensitive and pink-ish red-ish. You scrub harder than necessary, like you can rinse the last week off your body. Like you can wash away the closet sex and the silver dress and the headlines with question marks.
After, skincare. Slowly, methodically. Your profession taking over: cleanser, toner, serum, moisturizer. Your hands shake less when you focus on steps.
Then you clean.
Wipe down counters that were already clean. Vacuum lines into the rug in your bedroom. Fold laundry that didn't need folding. Rearrange bottles in the bathroom cabinet so they perfectly aligned.
Controlled-Quiet-Orderly.
That's what you want. Control: on how known you are online. Quiet: no one talks too much nonsense. Your tag section used to be in Order, of just the clients.
Your phone sits face down on the kitchen table the entire time. It buzzes once. Ignroe.
Buzzes again. You keep wiping.
The third time, it rings. Her name lights up the screen.
You inhale so hard you need to sit down. Watching it ring out until it stops.
Ten seconds later, another call. You exhale finally through your nose, grab the phone before you can start to over think it, and answer, voice guarded.
"I'm busy."
Silence on the other end.
Then: "Busy?" she repeats, not accusing, more surprised.
"Mhm, yes," you say flatly. "I'm working. Told you I might be booked today."
That's a lie. Small necessary one.
"You did not," she says softly. "But okay."
You close your eyes.
"I will call you later," you add quickly, already about to end it.
"Wait," she says, voice with urgency cracking through. "Please."
Your grip tightens on your phone. "I can't talk right now."
Another pause. Her breathing is heavier.
"Are you okay?" she asks. Again. You saw the message she left you, right after your call with Tina. You just didn't have the balls to reply or let alone open it.
"I said I'm busy,"
You hang up before she can say anything else. Your phone is silent for maybe seven minutes.
Seven minutes of deciding to call back and apologize or not.
Seven minutes of feeling guilty, she wasn't the one who posted all this. You did mention to her before that you didn't want to be in jeopardy with your career.
Seven minutes of silence before the intercom buzzes. You shiver, heart pounding so loud you could hear it. The buzz comes through again, longer this time.
You freeze in the middle of the living room. You already know. Walking to the door in a daze, checking the peephole even though it's stupid.
It's her.
Hair a little messier than usual. Sunglasses pushed back like she forgot they were there. Hoodie zipped halfway. And hella anxiety written all over her face, not even trying to hide it.
You open the door.
"What are you doing here?" you ask trying to not stutter.
"I drove," she says. Obviously that explained absolutely nothing or gave reason to the fear behind her eyes.
"You can't just--" you start, then stop. Lower your voice. "Are you insane? What if someone followed you?"
"No one did," she says. "I checked."
You step aside anyway. She comes in and the atmosphere switches up quickly. Your space fills with her presence, all familiar and wrong and comforting all at once. She looks around like she's holding herself down.
You cross your arms. "You shouldn't be here."
"I know," she exhales, shoves her hands into her pockets. "But you wouldn't answer."
You laugh once, bitterly. "Maybe that was the point."
She winces like you slapped her.
"I'm sorry," she says immediately. "I should've given you space."
"Yes. You should have."
She steps closer anyway, not touching. Careful, as if trying to not scare you.
"I didn't know Tina was going to call you," she whispers.
Your jaw tightens. "She was very....meticulous."
"I shut that down," she says quickly. "I just found out about that, and I shut it down."
"Did you?" you ask. "Things doesn't feel 'shut down."
She exhales, frustrated. "I can't control her."
"No," you say quietly. "But you can control yourself."
Her eyes soften. "I am trying."
You shake your head, pacing around now. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to be discussed like a...a liability? Like something that needs managing?"
"I never thought of you that way," she says firmly.
"But you let them," you fire back. "You let everyone."
She flinches, "I didn't let--"
"You agreed to it," you cut her, bottom lip trembling. "You agreed into being with her. Publicly. You agreed to letting people thinking I'm nobody, just your makeup artist. A mistake."
"That's not--"
"Then what am I?" you demand, finally looking at her. Standing still.
She opens her mouth. Closes it.
That scares you more than anything.
The volume of your voice drops. "When you said it. In the closet. When you said..." You gulp, blinking rapidly. "When you said 'God, I love you'..."
Her breath catches.
"...was that real?" you finish. "Or were you just high on adrenaline and lust and hiding and secrets?"
Your apartment felt small.
She couldn't help but step forward.
"That was real," she says immediately. "I don't say that lightly."
"Then why does it feel like I'm the only one going crazy?" you mumble.
Her eyes sine. "'Cause you're the one person I don't know how to protect without blowing everything up."
You laugh weakly. "So the solution is pretending I don't exist? Happy I look similar to your girlfriend?"
"No," her voice was breaking. "The solution is me figuring out how to not hurt you anymore."
You shake your head, tears finally escaping. "I don't wanna be your problem."
"You are not," she sounds insistent. "You're my--"
She stops herself. You hold your breath.
She swallows and slowly blinks. "You are the person I keep thinking about when I am supposed to be thinking about public perception."
That does it. You turn away, wiping your face. "I-I can't keep doing this," you murmur. "Loving you in private while watching you belong to someone else in public."
She moves closer again, but still not touching you.
"Tell me what you need," she says. "And I'll do it."
You look at her, "I need to know," your voice is steady despite everything. "That when you say you love me, it isn't something you'll ask me to hide later."
Her answer comes quietly and solid: "I'm not hiding you," she says. "I'm just scared of losing you before I even get the chance to choose you properly."
There hung the words, unfinished and really dangerous. And neither of you knows what choosing would actually cost.
“Happy birthday.” Your co-worker messages you. You reply with a smiling + hugging emoji, before dropping your phone to your side. The first person who wasn’t a family member to message you happy birthday almost 24 hours later.
Usually you didn’t care, you really didn’t. Yet, celebrating everyone’s birthday this year and last, you thought you would get the same energy back.
But no.
Twenty-something now, and you’re spending it alone, sitting on your apartment floor, with a cardigan way too big for you stained with frosting. The same stale frosting that took over the air and mixed with the scent of candle wax.
It’s too quiet in your living that eventually it gets too loud. So, you put on your shoes and walk to the nearest corner shop that’s open this late.
The dull lights buzz the moment you walk in, alongside a small bell. Immediately the cheap alcohol section is calling your name, singing thou happy birthday louder than anyone has all day.
The basket gets heavy as you put in the six-pack, your forearm dropping slightly. You fill the basket: chips, chocolates, more cheap alcohol.
You got birthday money from a family member, “might as well put it to you,” you mumble to anyone who’s around you, but the store’s empty.
You’re grabbing one more bag of chips when you hear:
“…No way. Is that you?”
You furrow your brows, freeze a little. You’d recognize that voice anywhere.
You turn and there she is behind the counter. Your old High School classmate. The girl who wore her lanyard either on the loops of her pants or around her wrist. The chick who wore boots during the rain and snow, whenever she walked all you heard was: ‘squeak squeak.’
Same girl who wasn’t really a close friend. Though, in some blurry memories, once made your stomach flutter-cheeks burn up for reasons you never understood at seventeen.
She leans forward on the counter, smiling like she’s genuinely glad to see you. And you, cursed at yourself for wearing the: ‘no one I know will see me,’ outfit.
“You look like you ransacked the place, and are about to ask me for the money in the safe,” she teases. “Everything okay?”
You shrug and lift the basket slightly. “Birthday.”
Her face changes, not pity, but like she just recognized something. A quiet “oh,” look appears into her expression.
“It’s your birthday? Tonight?”
You nod, and she lets out a little laugh, stepping around the counter so she’s closer. Too close for someone you haven’t seen in years.
“I remember…” she murmurs. “Back during homeroom, you used to bring cupcakes for everyone. Different colored frosting, rainbow sprinkles; like you were a birthday fairy. Cute little crown too.”
You feel your face heat up. “Yea…well that was before everyone ditched me right after graduation. Hard to keep a reputation when no one sticks around.”
The words came out harsher than you meant it. Regretting the whole: “woe is me.” She notices. Her expression softens again, this time in a way that kinda hurts.
“I didn’t ditch you,” she says quietly. Yeah she didn’t, you did though. Her gaze drags over your face like she’s searching for the old you she used to know. “None of that reputation shit ever mattered to me.”
You gulp, the store feeling too warm. Or maybe it’s her.
She plucks a bag of chips with her knuckles out your basket. “Tell you what. You shouldn’t spend your birthday alone…” she looks at the clock behind you, red lights on. “I get off in ten minutes. Stay? Keep me company while I finish my shift?”
It’s the way she looks at you: softly, familiar, almost like she’d been waiting for you to walk back into her life. Shit, now your heart fluttering, it’s like you’re seventeen again.
You nod before your brain even fully understands what she ask. And she grins.
⟡
She clocks out as the neon sign in the window glides: ‘24-Hours Open’ Her position behind the counter, replaced by another employee who barely looks up from their phone. She grabs her jacket, slinging it over her shoulder and nods towards the door.
“Cmon birthday girl.”
The night air hits a bit cooler than before. And the beer you crack open as soon as you step outside sends warmth down your chest. The streets quiet, just the sound of your footsteps and cars passing by occasionally.
She bumps her shoulder gently into yours, “So…big plans for the rest of your b-day?”
You laugh, bittersweet: “This is the most social thing I’ve done all day.”
She gives a look, curious she tilts her head: “Did you at least get birthday calls? Messages? Something?”
You shrugs, “Apart from family…” you shake your head. “No one said anything.”
You pause for a second, “Actually, yeah. My coworker who’s an elderly woman said happy birthday.”
You don’t want pity, and she knows that, cause she doesn’t give you any. She just walks closer, her arm brushing yours.
“You know…” she begins, taking a sip of her beer. “You usually post on your birthday.”
You surprisingly glance at over at her: “Do I?”
“Yea,” she laughs softly. “You didn’t this year. If you had , I would’ve said happy birthday right away.”
You stop walking for a second. “You…follow me on social media?”
She raises a brow, grinning: “Of course I do. Why? You don’t follow me?”
You open your mouth, then close it. The silence answers for you.
She burst out laughing, the sound: teasing, affectionate, kinda warm all at once. “Oh my goodness. Wow, so you really just never noticed me there?”
You look away all flustered. “I-I…you’re not really someone I expect to keep up with me after school.”
She slows her pace until the two of you fall into sync again, but this time she’s closer. You look over at her before quickly looking down at the black plastic bag filled with what you bought.
Her tone is lower. “Well I did.”
You don’t know what to say to that. You nervously bite your bottom lip. The apartment complex appears around the corner, streetlights making everything gold. You feel her eyes on you.
“Which one?” She asks, nodding towards the buildings.
You point, the motion a little wobbly from the alcohol. She reaches for your elbow lightly, not holding you more like steadying you.
That touch makes you have butterflies.
She smiles, “Alright, Apartment 312.”
⟡
“Do you wanna come in? For one more drink? I still have cake. Might as well pretend is a birthday party.” The words slip out without hesitation. You’re not sure whether it’s the beer, the tingling feeling of her hand still lingering on your elbow, or the way she looked at you under the streetlights…
She looks at you for a second, her expression making you nervous. “Yea, I’d like that.”
Your apartment inside? The right amount of messy that comes from living alone and not expecting people to come over. A blanket on the couch, an empty mug, a candle that burned out days ago. Yet she doesn’t seem to mind. She just takes it all in with curiously, then flops on your couch like she’s been here hella times.
You grab the cake from the fridge, store bought—frosting smushed, and two forks. She whistles dramatically.
“Damn, a private cake tasting. I feel honored.”
You laugh and hand her a fork. The two of you eat straight from the container, washing it down with another round of drinks.
You talk about everything and nothing. How you moved back to this town after swearing you’d never return. How the other city you lived in, drained you out. The way it took you so long to unpack, and how you barely go out, only to work.
She listens, knees angled towards yours on the couch.
“It’s kinda nice you’re back,” she admits quietly. “Everything now feels nostalgic.”
Blaming it on the alcohol, the comments feels deeper than it probably is. You swallow another sip.
From there, the convo switches to high school. Old teachers—stupid rumors—ugly ass yearbook photos. The friendship between you two: never close but shared memories of events during lunch or field trips.
Both of you laughing hard, leaning into each other the more drink you two get.
At one point she groans, dropping her head back dramatically.
“God, your friend group was lowkey lameee.”
You cackled, “I KNOW! They were…ugh I dunno. I mean…” you pondered briefly. “They were cool sometimes. I just don’t know how I survived all the drama.”
She rolls her eyes and snorts. “They thought they were cool.” after a sip, “…them ditching you after graduation?….Never liked them.”
You tilt your head, “I never knew that. You never mentioned it.”
“You never asked…and why would I tell you that?” She teases.
Another drink enters your system quickly. Now your head feels light. The line between rational judgment and drunken honesty blurs, you say it:
“There was this one time…in the girls locker room.”
Her eyes goes to you instantly, amused and curious. And now you wish you didn’t bring it up.
“Go on,” she smirks. “This already sounds interesting.”
“Ahh, no no, never mind.” You drop your face into your hands for a second, but the alcohol pushes you. “Ok ok.” You caved in so quickly.
She taps your knee, “…come onn, say it.”
You exhale. “You remember, sophomore year. We had the same P.E class. It was after class.”
She lowers her chin a bit, “You gotta be more specific. I try very hard to forget that locker room existence.”
“You were always the last one to finish changing,” you mumble. “You’d be at your locker, shirt half on, hair a little messy from whatever we did that day.”
She now looks more curious and amused.
“And?”
“And…” you look all around your living room except her face. “There was this one day. You were laughing at some joke someone made, and you-your shirt was kind of…stuck…?”
You gestured badly, “Like halfway up. And I just…I dunno. That image stuck in my head for a while.”
She blinks slowly. What was even slower was that little wicked smile that forms.
“So, what I’m understanding is…you were checking me out during our time in the locker room?”
You blush: “I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to,” she leans closer, voice deepens.
Her knee presses between yours a little. “You fantasized about me in high school?”
She’s making the room spin more than the alcohol. You gulp hard, “it was just one time.”
“That you’re admitting…”
You wanna deny it, but her stare is steady, flirty, soemthing you can’t really give a name to. Just feel down to your core.
The air between becomes heavy with alcohol, nostalgia, dare even say….lustful?
She leans back a bit. Answering the last thought, when she licks the frosting off her fork and watches you like she knows exactly what she’s doing.
“Should’ve said somethin’ back then,” she says playfully.
You met her gaze.
“You wouldn’t have believed me.”
And for the first time all night, she doesn’t laugh. She just looks at you. The way she wouldn’t dare to do in high school.
You feel her shift closer on the couch. Her knee brushing yours again. Her hand slides along the back of the couch until her fingers hover near your shoulder, like she’s testing the waters.
“What?” You sniff nervously.
“What?”
“You’re staring,” your whisper.
She slowly smiles, “I know.”
Her breath mixes with yours, a touch so gentle when you feel her thumb on your jaw. Makes you breathless
“Can I…” she starts, her voice barely audible.
You don’t let her finish. You close the space and press your lips to hers. A fluffy kiss at first: careful like if you’re painting with a small thin brush. The she makes that damn sound. Just one sound that’s needy and desperate. That small sound is all it takes to unravel everything.
She grabs your waist to pull you fully onto her lap; your knees on either side of her thighs. The couch creaks from the sudden shift. Her firm hands sliding up your back. Under your shirt, her touch is hungry and your thighs tighten around her.
You can tell something inside her awoken by the way she moves her mouth against yours. As if she’s been waiting years for this. You as well…
You pull back enough to catch your breath, but she chases you. Lips brushing against yours. Gosh she can’t stop.
“Mmphhh,” she humms against your lips, “you have no ideas how long I wanted that.”
Your heart flips, “High school?” You ask, out of breath.
She laughs, air hot on your neck as she kisses down to your throat. “Maybe.”
Her hand slips lower, gripping your hips, guiding you against her. Your body reacts: ASAP. You’re already wet. You grind down without thinking, and she lets out a hushed, strained groan that sends shivers down your spine.
The apartment becomes irrelevant: the cake, the cabs, the mug, the frosting stain on your cardigan. All of it doesn’t matter as she’s kissing you again, thus time deeper.
“Bedroom?” she whispers on your lips.
So dizzy~
You nod.
She stands, hands on your waist. You wrap your arms around her neck as she walks backwards, unknowingly, til you point at the right room and you back hits the wall. You kiss her like you need her, like you’ve imagined for all these years without even knowing.
⟡
Clothes hit the floor: her jacket first, then your pants, then her tank top. You barely make it to the bed before she pushes you gently on your back, climbing on you with a look that you only read in books.
Her fingers trace your waist, tickling your ribs, mesmerizing your chest. “You’re so beautiful,” she says, in a tone of almost frustration at how true it is.
You pull her down and kiss her again: deeper, messier. Hair tangles between your fingers as she shifts between your legs. Her thighs slide against you and you gasp, hips lifting towards her instinctively.
She notices. She smirks. She does it again.
You playfully bite her shoulder and like she’s done all night: laughs…except this time it’s breathlessly and followed by a rolling of her hips against you. Yummy, slow, calculated.
Your mind goes fuzzy. Soft moans fill up the room. Yours plus hers, overlapping. Her hands explore every inch, guiding you.
You feel her everywhere: mouth on your neck—fingers tracing between your thighs, coated with slick—breathe trembling when you tug her closer.
God, she wants to ruin you. You want her to.
You lightly gasp an exhale. You felt pressure against your clit as she keeps the heel of her palm on your bud and slips inside her index and middle finger.
⊹
Your lips journeyed back down her neck, her chest as you slowly grind on her hand.
You cum with your mouth on her collarbone and riding on her fingers. She’s whispering your name through it, in way that she can’t even believe she’s actually doing this with you, needy and desperate.
She kisses you tenderly through the aftershock, holding your jaw steady. Then take your hands to her body, and you take your time exploring.
“Your turn,” you whisper.
Her lashes flutter. “Mm yea…” she breathes, “please.”
You’re a bit more feral, palms grazing her nipples then filling your hands with her breast. Leaving wet spots on the valley of her breast with open kisses.
‘It’s MY birthday, and she’s like my gift. I’m going to enjoy her, like I deserve.’ you thought to yourself, selfish thoughts.
You trailed your gaze down to her bare bottom, and trailed your mouth over it. Her fingers slid into your hair, and you just lost it.
You tasted her slowly. Lingering, your hands sliding up her stomach feeling her muscles quiver in pattern. Toying and teasing her breast. She tugs your hair, and rolls her hips against your mouth.
She got on her elbows as she shook, knowing she was close. You lightly stroked a fingertip over her slit, teasing the opening as your mouth traced lazy circles around her clit. Your eyes watching hers, looking for her reaction.
She let out a throaty low groan and you loved it. You were no longer thinking: ‘My birthday, my gift….’ it’s now a ‘Thank you. Thank you for spending time with me on my birthday.’
You learn what makes her gasp, arch her back, grab the sheets. Seeing her come undone under you ignited something…that you didn’t want to think about right this moment.
“Oh god,” she gasps. Her hips twisted subtly, and you slid your finger out, letting her watch as you slowly sucked it into your mouth, tasting her.
She basically rolled her eyes back, letting out a chuckle, she didn’t think that you even had this side. “If I knew you were going to be like this, I would’ve given you more.” She managed to say audibly.
“Don’t worry about it.” You kissed between her thighs. Tasting her one last time.
“You’re…” she swallows. “You’re unbelievable.”
You crawl up to her. Clinging onto her close, you don’t really mean to. She doesn’t pull away. She kisses the corner of your mouth then your lips.
Eventually, later on you’re both exhausted, drunk, tangled together asleep. One arm over your waist, the other drape over her eyes, your face against her collarbone.
⟡
2:43 a.m
You wake up to the soft rustling of sheets and the fabric being pulled away gently.
For a moment you think it’s morning, until you glance over at the dim lights glowing in your nightstand.
She’s sitting at the edge of your bed, fully dressed, slipping on her shoes. The room is dark except for the light you left on the hallway, drawing over her shoulders—curve of her neck—and the messy flyaways of her hair.
She glances over at you as you move.
“Hey,” she whispers, voice groggy from sleep. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
You slowly sit up, the sheets slipping down your chest. “You’re good. You heading out?”
She nodded, tying her shoe. “Unfortunately—yea. I have to…”open,” the store tomorrow. Well…today.” Her tired laugh is soft and real and makes you grin foolishly.
There’s no awkwardness, no panic, or regret in her gaze. Just pure exhaustion, and a tiny bit of hesitation if she should leave or not.
You shake your head, “I get it.”
She stands, smoothing her top sliding into her jacket. Then looks at you with something gentle and tender.
“I had a really good time,” she quietly says. “Like…honestly the best night I’ve had in a while.”
Your chest is warm: “…me too.”
She steps closer, stopping in front of you. Her hand lifts, fingertips brushing your cheek, jaw, slow and respectfully. Memorizing you again before she closes the door behind her.
Then she leans in and kisses you. Not hungry like earlier. Not rushed like she wants to leave.
Just a soft kiss, sweet and honest.
When she pulls back, her forehead rest against yours for a moment:
“Happy birthday,” she murmurs.
You blush and hold your breath.
“And…I hope I see you again.”
You open your eyes. “You will.”
She smiles, before stepping toward the door. You watch her walk out through the hall, listen to the soft click of your apartment door closing behind her.
You bite your bottom lip with a smile.
The room feels different now: still quiet, but not lonely.
You roll over, grab your phone from the nightstand, and open social media: search her name….There she is.
Profile photo you somehow never noticed. Thinking how you missed her entire online existence.
That follow button you should’ve pressed years ago: You tap it.
Then you go on every other media: follow, follow, follow…
It’s stupid, you feel silly. Also feels huge. It feels like the best birthday gift you could’ve given yourself.
You set your phone down, sink back into the warm spot she left behind, and close your eyes.
Imagine #26
(HopelessRomantic!reader - dream world - WLW - insert female love interest - slight angst - witches and magic? - quick read - second hand embarrassment - 419 words)
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
It starts in a dream.
You’re standing in a forest lit by fireflies, barefoot, in whatever you fell asleep in. And in front of you stands…you.
Well, not you-you. But a witch! Who looks exactly like you, only softer-older-wiser. Hair longer, eyes glowing, and in those white nightgowns that reached your ankles.
She steps closer and cups your cheeks like she’s about to tell you a secret. “Stop hurting yourself, love,” she whispers.
“Tell her how you feel.”
You shake your head, cause in your dreams you’re always brave but still scared. “She’ll laugh at me,” you say.
The witch you, but not you only smiles.
“Confess. It’s time.”
You wake up with your heart pounding, with the witches voice echoing in your head like a spell that’s been changed repeatedly.
For the first time: you feel sure.
The universe gave you permission to want something.
So the next morning, you sit at your little desk, the gold sun crawling through your flimsy blinds. You write her a real letter. Pen to paper, ink smudge, honest and handwriting perfect for how shaky you felt but so determined.
You tell her everything!:
how long you’ve loved her
how she makes the world feel warm
how you can’t keep pretending your heart doesn’t jump out your chest whenever she says your name
You fold it, kiss the crease like a fool. Walk outside—well you speed walk about 10 minutes in your sleeping clothes. Without hesitation, without overthinking it, you drop it into the mailbox with a confidence that feels given from the witch in your dreams.
For the rest of the day you feel light and hopeful and magical.
Like they say: “calm before the storm.”
Because when night comes, and you’re laying in bed doom scrolling, smiling at the thought of her reading your letter in a few days.
You see the worst thing: A photo of her and another girl.
Posted by the latter. A string of cute emojis on the corner decorating the image of, her arm around the girl. Her smile so bright and foreign you've never seen before.
Your heart drops...not it shatters. The comments of their friends popping out on the left corner only hurts more.
You shut your phone off and scream into your pillow. Suddenly wishing the witch had never come to you at all. Calling yourself stupid for believing a dream.
Because now, that letter is already on it's way.
And there's no magic spell in the world that can pull it back.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
A/N: Hii! Just part a little imagine I had written out of bored one night, and since it's been months since I've uploaded I thought this was cute enough. Hope you enjoyed.
I miss youuuuuu, queen ☹️ please, Iris, come back the children (us) miss youuuuuuu 😞🫶🏻
(CLARIFICATION UPDATE)
Hii everyone!!! ☺️♥️☘️✨🐞
Okay! So, I’m not dead, I don’t have a tragic Wattpad authors note lore, and I definitely DID NOT QUIT writing.
I mentioned before that I’m a (full-time) Psychology student at university. And during the summer I was a Psychology student with too much time…well NOW I HAVE NO TIME at all.
Apparently I need to go to classes—do work—and study to get a degree, like ugh who knew??
Which means I have no time to really sit down, write, edit, and publish. Even communicate with half of my online mutuals/friends. (Canada if you’re reading this ily🍁)
That doesn’t mean I forgot about you all. I still love & appreciate you all. I’m trying to balance everything out.
But I get Fall Break soon & after that I get a few months off for the Winter (depending if I don’t do extra credits).
Anyways! I have many drafts saved, many ideas. It makes me so happy to see people actually ask for me, enjoy my stories, just acknowledge my existence in the writing community. The only reason why I’m still even motivated to continue writing.
I LOVE YOU GIRL. YOUR WORK IS BEAUTIFUL. TOTALLY MWUAH 💋💋💋. PLEASE DON'T DIE YOUNG 😔💔 i just know you're a total cunty diva. yum. 💞💞💓💓💋💋🗣️🗣️ also stop being so cool. your name???? sooooooo beautiful (like you ofc 🫵🏻🗣️). anyway that's all, ily so much 💓
HII!
Do NOT worry, I plan on living til the Teslas Robots start going to the military…that sounds like it’s sooner than later BUT TRUST ME! I won’t🤞🏾.
💕ILYT, you’re just as cunty as I am. 💋👩❤️💋👩😜😜😜 they’ll hate to see us come.
Thank you! Thank you! My mom literally didn’t know what to name me so I’ll thank her as-well.
Mwah mwah mwah 💋. You’re such a babe. I really appreciate you. 🫂 I’ll make a sims character of you and give them max money and the most comfortable expensive bed.
Your popular girl x quiet one fic?? I ate it up so fast omgggg
IT WAS SO GOOD. Gorgeous. I loved it so much. Pretty and sweet. And everything felt so damn real it was sooo niceeeeee
And I loveeee how long it was even if you didn’t intend for it! I can tell you had fun writing it, it feels like it was crafted with care.
I’d love to read the role reversal if you decide to write it. :))
🫶
This is part two of this one shot: Imagine 25. It’s similar to your request where READER is quiet and your love interest is popular.
Now I really need you to read the first part before this one LOL.
Thank you for the request, for enjoying my little imagines. Everytime I write, and it takes so long to make…just know I had more fun than i usually do. (And I find everything fun)
Imagine 25.5: "Don't you tell me to deny it, I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins...I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand. But I keep living this day like the next will never come"
❀✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊ criminal - fiona apple ❀✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊
(University AU - introverted!reader - filmstudent!reader - established relationship - insert female love interest - infidelity and selfishness - reader has a boyfriend - caught cheating - drama - long verbal fight - wlw - smut w/ plot - reader loses virginity w/strap - one shot - added background character - 7k words )
It’s been almost two weeks since you’ve done anything that wasn’t staring at a screen. Your desk is buried under empty mugs, memory cards, and half-scribbled notes. The world outside your apartment might as well be a movie playing as background noise.
So when she shows up at your door, cheeks flushed from the cold and a beanie shoved down over her ears, you’re caught off guard.
"Get dressed," she says, no bossiness, just a mischievous glint in her eyes.
You blink rapidly, look at her from the doorway. "Why?"
"Because you’re slowly turning pale, hunched over like a cave monster, and if I let you edit for one more day straight your spine is going to fuse into the shape of that chair."
She glances inside at the mess of your desk and grimaces. “Shoes. Now.”
The next thing you know, you’re bundled in layers, your breath puffing into the air as you take the subway with. To the city streets lit in warm gold from shop windows. The smell of roasted chestnuts and cinnamon drifts from a food cart on the corner. It feels strange and alive after so many days locked indoors.
When you finally see the rink: a wide oval of ice surrounded by strings of lights that look like they were inspo for a postcard; you can’t help but smile. Skaters loop past in scarves and coats, some gliding effortlessly, others clutching the railing for dear life.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” you say, slowing your steps.
She grins, already tugging you toward the rental booth. “Nope. I want to watch you improved skills.”
It takes ten awkward minutes to lace your skates and shuffle toward the ice, her steadying you with an arm at your waist. The air is cold enough to nip at your cheeks, but there’s music playing somewhere: soft, jazzy, old holiday standards.
On the ice, you cling to her hand for balance. She’s steadier than you expected, her movements confident but casual, like she’s done this a hundred times…(cause she has).
“You’re not gonna let go, right?” you mutter, eyes glued to your feet.
“Of course not” She squeezes your fingers, leaning closer so her breath warms the shell of your ear. “I like watching you rely on me.”
Your stomach flips, though you tell yourself it’s just the slippery ice.
You circle the rink together. Slowly, clumsy, but with her pulling you through the crowd like you’re the only two people there. And for a few minutes, it almost feels true.
Afterwards, you both strop out the ice. Like second nature you pull out your camcorder.
The footage starts shaky, you haven’t even flipped the screen around yet. Just light reflected in puddles and the muffled hum of the city. Then her voice, warm and close to the mic.
“Is it on?”
You steady the camera against your gloves, grin at her through the viewfinder. “Yeah. Don’t look at me, look at the camera.”
She does the opposite. She leans in, eyes darting straight to you, mouth tugging into a lopsided smile. The kind of smile that doesn’t sit still, that threatens to turn into a laugh at any second.
The frame shifts, catching her beanie pulled low over her ears, the wool scarf hiding half her mouth. Lights from the rink spill behind her, turning her hair into threads of gold.
“Tell the camera what we’re doing,” you say.
She tucks her chin down, shoulders lifting in the kind of mock-shy gesture she knows will make you roll your eyes. “We’re… getting the best hot chocolate in the city. Obviously.”
The next cut, you’re still filming as she orders from the little street cart, mittened hands digging for cash while the vendor pours steaming liquid into a paper cup. She glances back at you once, caught off guard by the lens, and her grin softens into something smaller.
The camera shakes when you laugh.
You place the camera down on a table: her glove brushing yours, the white swirl of whipped cream spilling over the rim.
“Careful, it’s--” she starts, and then you take a sip too big, eyes watering at the heat.
She laughs, right into the mic. “Idiot.”
She picks the camera up. A quick zoom, the kind you do when you’re trying to catch something small before it disappears. On the little smear of whipped cream clinging to your lip. You hear her mutter something that’s more fond than teasing, and the tip of her glove catches it, wiping it away.
The frame stays there for a bit, her hand against your mouth, your eyes meeting hers just over the edge of the camera.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she says, but she doesn’t move away.
The last shot before the battery light starts blinking red is the two of you walking side by side through the lit up plaza, the camera swaying with your steps. Her hand slips into your coat pocket. Not holding your hand exactly, but resting there, warm and close, like it belongs.
You eventually turn the camera off, the city lights blur behind you as you walk back towards the subway station, hands brushing together like it’s the most natural thing in the world. The hot chocolate cups are empty now, but the warmth of your fingers pressed together lingers, spreading through your chest.
“I can’t believe you got me to leave my editing cave,” you murmur, smiling up at her.
She nudges your shoulder with hers, teasing but soft. “See? Touching some grass and breathing fresh air does wonders.”
The subway back is slow, unhurried, like neither of you wants to let the night end. When you reach the building, she fumbles with her keys, laughing as she mutters about how stubborn old locks are. The sound makes your heart squeeze in your chest.
Inside, the apartment lights are low, soft yellow glows coming from table lamps. She takes off her shoes and gestures toward the couch. “Sit. We need to plan something important.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Planning what?”
She grins, a mischievous glows in her eye. “A sleepover.”
You freeze just for a moment, feeling your cheeks heat, and then a shy laugh escapes. “Sleepover?”
“Yes. Just us and no one else. We can watch stupid movies, eat snacks, talk too much, maybe even…” she pauses, letting her gaze drop down to your lips, “…be close.”
You feel your heartbeat spike. You nod quickly, almost too eagerly. “O-Okay… sounds perfect.”
She pats the couch beside her, and you slide in, careful not to let your knees touch hers just yet, just enjoying the nearness. She leans back, stretching her legs out, and you mimic her, letting your feet brush together. That small touch sends a little jolt of warmth through you.
She grabs a throw blanket, holding it open. “We’re doing this right? I haven’t gone to many sleepovers. Blankets. Snacks. Movies. You can film me if you want. Just… secretly, of course.”
Your camera is already sitting on the counter, memory card empty, ready to be filled with candid shots. You smile, heart thumping. “I might have to. You look way too cute.”
She laughs softly, rolling her eyes. But still leaning against your shoulder as you pull the blanket over both of you. “And you… you’re adorable when you get all shy. Like this. You’re blushing.”
You bury your face lightly into the crook of her neck, laughing against her collarbone. The coziness of her skin, the soft scent of her hair, the quiet hum of everything outside. It's all dizzying and grounding at once.
She turns slightly, tilting her head down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. “We’ll take our time tonight,” she murmurs, and your stomach does a little cartwheel.
You look up at her, eyes wide, and she smirks. “Don’t look at me like that. I like it.”
The blanket hugs around you, the soft glow of the lamps, the sound of your breathing and hers; it feels like a world unto itself.
A world just for you two.
The night goes on. Your fingers twitch every once in a while, wanting to reach for your cam. During a boring part of the movie. You can’t resist a little and you reach for your camcorder.
“Wait,” you murmur, pointing it at her. “You’re too cute. I have to film this.”
She jerk an eyebrow, smirking. “My god. You gonna make a little documentary about me?”
You press record, the red light blinking. “Maybe. I need proof of how ridiculously adorable the strong, bossy, captain looks when cozied up like this”
Her grin widens, playfully and rolls her eyes. “Proof, huh? Okay, then I guess I’ll have to get in on this.”
Before you can react, she leans over, taking the camera gently from your hands. The blanket shifts as she slides to straddle you, the weight of her body pressing down. Her fingers brush yours as she adjusts the lens, tilting it just right to catch your face in the frame.
“You’re in focus now,” she murmurs, eyes sparkle with mischief. “And I think we should… make a film.”
Your cheeks heat, heart thumping, but the thrill of the camera, the closeness, the way she’s both teasing and serious; it’s electrifying. You can feel her weight balanced perfectly, hips lightly pressing against yours.
She points the camera at you, then tilts her head, lips close to your ear. “Say somethin’. Or don’t. Just… look at me. I like that better.” She grabs your jaw.
You shiver slightly, the sound of her voice like fire against your skin. Your hands rest on her waist, carefully but curious.
“See?” she whispers, adjusting the camcorder so it captures your flushed face. “This could be a whole scene. Us….like this.”
“Little bit chaotic. Little bit cute."
You can’t help but laugh softly, biting your lip as you glance into the viewfinder. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Maybe,” she says, eyes sparkling, “but I think you like it.”
You tilt your head back slightly, letting her capture every detail through the lens, every smile, every blink, every little tremble in your laugh. She leans back, whispering, “No uses this camera, right? Just you?”
You confirm, and shift uneasily under her gaze.
“Stop fidgeting,” she teases, in a voice low and playful tone. “You look too cute when you’re nervous. I want the whole shot.”
You bite your lip, cheeks burning. Being in front of the camera has never been your thing. The idea of her filming you while she’s straddling you, all close and warm, makes your heart beat in ways you’re not entirely ready to admit.
“C’mon baby,” she murmurs, leaning down so your faces are inches apart. “Just… let me watch. Relax and trust me.”
She tilts the camera to catch the curve of your shoulders, the way your chest rises with each breath.
“You’re beautiful like this,” she says, low and husky, voice brushing against your ear. “Shy, nervous… but here, with me.”
Her other hand slides slowly up your side, brushing along the curve of your ribs, teasing the hem of your shirt. She presses her lips to your jaw, nipping softly, and your head tips back instinctively. The camera wobbles slightly in her hands as she adjusts the angle, capturing every one of your reactions.
“God, you’re so responsive,” she whispers, tilting the lens downward. Her hand slips beneath your shirt, ghosting over your skin. “I capture to see everything. Every little shiver, every gasp.”
You whimper softly, biting your bottom lip. “I… I don’t like being filmed…” you murmur, your voice shaky.
She smirks against your neck, brushing your hair aside. “I know. And that’s exactly why I like it. You look so… fragile. So real.”
She adds, “So, don’t fight it. Not here, not now.”
Her free fingers press against your sides and slide lower, teasing under your waistband, brushing just over your underwear. You arch into her touch, moaning softly, and the camera catches it all. She laughs softly, the sound low and hot, and leans in to kiss you deeply, her tongue slipping against yours, urgent and demanding.
The camera capturing nothing much this time.
“You’re mine,” she murmurs between kisses, “...even on camera.”
She shifts slightly, straddling you more fully now, one hand still guiding the camcorder while the other presses against your hip, holding you steady. Your hands wander instinctively, brushing along her thighs, following the curve of her body, but she presses yours back down playfully.
“Not yet, baby,” she whispers. “Let me show you… let me watch you.”
Her lips find your shoulder, sucking lightly as the camera tilts to catch the flush of your skin, the tremble in your fingers, the way your chest rises and falls. You’re burning with embarrassment and desire all at once, the mix making your head spin.
“You’re perfect,” she murmurs in a thick voice, eyes never leaving the lens as her fingers continue their teasing. “So soft. So responsive. I could watch you all night.”
The camera captures every gasp, every quick movement, every whispered word, and through it all, you’re hers: embarrassed, flustered, burning for her touch and she knows it. She smirks, pressing closer, fingers still teasing, lips brushing against your jaw.
“You see?” she whispers finally, purposely angling the camera up to capture your flushed face. “You love it. Admit it.”
You groan, voice trembling, heat radiating through you. “Maybe… maybe I do…”
She laughs softly, leaning down to capture a kiss on your lips, the camera catching the press of her mouth against yours, the gasp that escapes you, and the absolute, messy, delicious chaos of being filmed by her.
You both teleport to her room, in feral kisses. She sits on the edge of her bed, camera balanced in one hand, a teasing smirk tugging at her lips.
You decide to kneel in front of her, hands resting lightly on her thighs. The camcorder tilts to catch every angle, red recording light blinking steadily.
“Really?” she whispers amusing .
You nod, swallowing hard. Slowly, your lips brush against her jeans, sliding over the fabric, teasing the sensitive skin beneath. Her fingers ghost over your hair, guiding you, tugging you closer, closer until your nose presses against her warmth.
“Don’t stop,” she murmurs, smirk replaced with full on pleasure. “I want you… I want it all.”
Your fingers slide beneath the waistband of her jeans, brushing the edge of her underwear, tracing the curve of her hip. Her hand tightens in your hair, persistently patient, guiding, pressing you down.
“Look at me,” she whispers, pointing the camcorder down so she can see your face as you take her in. Her chest rises and falls, lips parting, eyes dark with want. “I want to see you.”
Your mouth parts, tongue teasing her through the thin fabric, brushing over her folds. She gasps softly, fingers tightening in your hair, camera wobbling slightly with the motion.
“God… that’s it,” she groans, leaning back, holding herself up with her shoulder, legs parting slightly, inviting. “Yes… just like that. Don’t stop, baby.”
You obey instinctively lips and tongue moving with more confidence now, the camera capturing: every small sound, every tremble, every little gasp. Her breathing hitches, and you glance up through the lens occasionally, seeing her flushed face, lips parted, eyes heavy lidded and dark.
Her fingers curl around the camcorder, tilting it to capture your movements, your focus on her. “You’re amazing… God, I could watch you all day,” she murmurs, voice thick with desire.
Her hips shift, pressing subtly into your mouth, guiding you. “Faster… slow… whatever you feel. Just keep going,” she whispers, and the way she presses into you, moaning softly, makes your fingers tighten around the waistband at her side.
Your saliva coated tongue presses against her wet underwear, soaking it more. You can hear her small sharp inhale as you circle her clit with your tongue. Feel the tremor in her body. She grins, a wicked, satisfied curl of her lips. “God… I’m close… don’t stop...don’t you dare stop.”
Your tongue moves slowly, teasing, licking the cotton, pressing your nose against her, and she lets out a long, shuddering moan, gripping the camera tight, filming herself through it all, recording the control she’s giving you, the way you respond, the way you squeeze your own thighs.
Her knees press slightly against the sides of your head, guiding you, pulling you closer, and you’re lost in the lust of it, the sound of her moans, the sight of her fingers clutching the camcorder, the red recording light blinking.
Finally, a desperate groan, a shaky sigh, and she shudders, hips tilting forward as she cums, a soft, breathy cry filling the small room. Your lips desperately trying to wrap around her entrance, tasting her. She grinds against your face, until she leans back, panting, smiling through her burning face.
She gently pulls your head back, brushing a strand of hair from your face, fingers soft against your jaw. “You… you are incredible,” she murmurs, tilting the camera to capture the mess of her hair, the shine of sweat, the soft flush on your cheeks. “And… we’re only getting started.”
She sets the camcorder down on the nightstand just long enough to rummage in the last drawer beside her bed. You’re still kneeling there, lips coated...shiny, breathing fast, when you hear the faint clink of a buckle.
Your eyes flick up. She’s pulling the pink strap from the drawer, slow and teasingly, holding your gaze the whole time. A low smile curls her lips.
"Pink? Really?" You giggled eyeing the pretty pink colored dildo attached to the harnet.
"I felt feminine that day." She chuckled rolling her eyes, before changing demeanor quickly.
“Lay back f'me,” she murmurs in a deep, commanding tone.
You swallow, feeling yourself get wet and crawl backward onto the bed. She slides the harness up her thighs, buckles it in place, her hands steady but her eyes never leaving you. Then she grabs the camcorder again, the red light flickering to life as she steps between your knees. She gently pulls down your pants along with your panties.
“Spread,” she says softly, but there’s no mistaking it’s an order.
You meekly obey, your thighs falling open, the cool air hitting your skin just before the warmth of her hand cups between your legs. She teases you with her fingers, dragging them over your folds, spreading the slickness there. "...so wet,” she whispers, tilting the camera to capture her hand on you. “Perfect.”
The blunt head of the toy nudges against you, and you bite your lip, eyes fluttering shut in embarrassed.
“Don’t close your eyes,” she warns, the silicone pushing just a little deeper. “I want to see you."
Your eyes snap open just as she thrusts forwards, the stretch pulling a sharp gasp from your lips. She grins, watching the camera screen as she draws back, then sinks into you again- - slow - - measured, like she’s savoring every inch.
“God, you take me so well,” she murmurs, voice thick with heat. “Look at you… already drippin’ for me.”
Her pace quickens, the slap of her hips against yours filling the room, your breath coming faster with every thrust. She adjusts her angle, hips rolling in deep, precise strokes that make your back arch and your fingers grip the sheets.
“You hate being in front of the camera,” she teases, thrusting harder. “But right now? You so gorgeous. You’re mine.”
The camcorder catches the way your body moves under her, the way your breasts rise and fall with each desperate breath, the way your thighs tremble as she pounds into you.
Her free hand slides under your knee, lifting your leg to open you up even more, letting her go deeper. “Yea… that’s it,” she growls. “All the way in. Take it for me.”
Your moans turn shameless, spilling into the small space between you, mixing with the wet sound of her strap going in and out of you over and over. Her thrusts get rougher, faster, her breathing ragged, the camcorder still pointed down at the way she’s fucking you open.
“Say it,” she urges, voice low and rough. “Say you’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” you gasp, the words breaking on a moan as her hips slam into you again.
“That’s right,” she says, leaning down. The camera catching her smirk before her mouth crashes against yours, kissing you hard, her rhythm relentless until your body clenches around her, pleasure tearing through you in hot and dizzy waves.
She fucks you through it, her pace only slowing when your nails dig into her back and your thighs shake around her hips. Finally, she slide out, setting the camcorder on the nightstand with a satisfied click.
She lies beside you, her smile smug. “Wait ‘til you see the footage,” she murmurs, kissing your jaw. “We definitely making a sequel.”
❀-
They’d grown up like siblings:
...teasing each other, competing in everything from backyard races to family trivia nights, but always with that underlying affection. He loved her, always had. But lately… she felt distant.
It had been weeks since Chris noticed the shift. She's normally honest and lively around him, carried herself differently now...quieter, distracted at times, hesitation in her laugh.
He caught it first in the little things. The way she lingered on her phone longer than usual when talking to you. The quiet smiles she gave when you said something clever. Ones that lingered just a second too long. How her gaze would dart to you when she thought no one was watching, her brow lifting in interest, amusement, or something else Chris couldn’t name.
It wasn’t just her either. You had changed too.
Chris noticed the way you talked about hockey practices or group projects with a little extra sparkle, how you seemed lighter, brighter, almost glowing when mentioning her. Even small mentions: “She helped me with my assignment” or “She showed me a new skating move," carried a warmth that hadn’t been there before.
Chris tried to brush it off. Maybe it was nothing, maybe he was imagining things. He told himself, she was just busy with school, sports, life. But still, the moments piled up like rocks in his bag: Her subtle teasing when you arrived at practices, your faint blush when your hands brushed by accident, the glances Chris could almost catch if he looked quickly enough.
One evening;
...you all went to a small get together at Chris’s frat house. Just friends, a few beers, music playing low in the background. Normally, Chris would be focused on her, exchanging playful jokes, keeping the energy alive. But tonight, she seemed… somewhere else. You're there too, quietly talking with her, laughing lightly, leaning a bit too close.
Chris felt a tug in his chest he didn’t recognize: jealousy, protective? Sure. But not just that; curious, puzzled, a brief second of worry he couldn’t quite name. When she made eye contact with you from across the room, something in your expression made Chris pause: a soft smile, a spark that he’d never seen directed at him.
His stomach twisted.
Why? What was going on?
Something Chris didn't know was, since that night with her, you couldn't stop replaying it in your mind. You had given yourself completely. In a way you hadn’t with anyone before.
Losing your virginity had been a moment you thought would be private, slow, careful. And yet here it was, with her, someone so bold, so unafraid, and so intoxicating... and who FILMED THE WHOLE THING with a cocky grin on her face.
The secret weighed on your shoulders, though. You hadn’t told her that it was your first time. A part of you didn’t want to, maybe out of fear of changing how she saw you, out of embarrassment? But that made the connection feel even deeper. Every touch, every look, every stolen kiss became filled with more than just physical desire. You realized you felt different toward her now: more attached, more vulnerable, more alive. She wasn’t just the girl who teased your scarf and dragged you at the rink or the wild, confident hockey star you admired from afar. She was your person in a way no one else had ever been.
And yet, guilt tangled through it all. You still had Chris, your boyfriend. The one who had known your heart in a different way. The one you trusted with the truth of your virginity long ago. The thought of the secret and the pleasure. Intimacy, the love forming quietly between you and she made your chest tighten. You were tangled in feelings and every moment with her reminded you of the choice you had made.
You don’t regret it. It made every thing from her feel heavier. More important. More risky.
❀-
You and Chris had chosen a quiet spot near the pond, sitting on an old wooden bench, your camera balanced in your lap. The sun dipping low behind the trees, golden fog over the park.
Chris was talking about his week, nothing major, stories from practice, homework, and his usual banter. But you couldn’t quite focus. Your fingers kept brushing against the camera, a nervous habit, remembering the weight of it and all the things it had captured. You tried to push the memory of her aside, focusing instead on the gentle comfort of Chris’s presence.
"Hey, you wanna try that angle over by the pond?" Chris asked, pointing toward the slightly elevated path. "You could get some nice reflection shots."
You nodded, swinging the camera strap over your shoulder. "Yeah, that’d be good. Let me just---"
Before you could take a step, a skateboard zoom past. You barely had time to register the movement. Then a small group of kids, too many for the narrow path collided with you in a ridiculous tumbling mess.
"Whoa! Watch out!" you cried, suddenly you were knocked off balance. You hit the ground hard, the camera sliding beneath you with a loud THUD. Pain shot through your knee, sharp and sudden, and you felt a small cut from the scrape.
Chris shouted your name, rushing forward. "Are you okay?"
You groaned, pressing your hands against your knee, trying to catch your breath. "I… yea, I think so.… the camera...."
Chris dropped to one knee beside you, his hands gentle on your arms. "Let me see it."
You handed it over, still wincing. "I think it’s fine… I don’t even know if..."
"Don’t worry about it," he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. "I can fix it. Here, sit down a sec."
He guided you carefully to the bench, his touch light but reassuring. You could feel the steady care of his presence as he examined the camera. "Looks like the lens got damaged. Maybe a few settings got messed up. I can probably get it working again, no problem."
"A-Are you sure?" you asked, trying to mask the slight panic in your voice. The thought of losing your footage, all your careful photography: made your stomach twist.
"Absolutely," Chris said, offering you a small confident smile. "You’ve got enough talent. I’d hate for some dumb fall to ruin it. Trust me."
You let out a shaky laugh, grateful for his calm. "Okay… I trust you."
God, you're so dumb.
❀-
A few days later
She stumbled slightly as she left the cold bar, her face hot and flushed. Her mind was buzzing with more than whatever drug she took or alcohol she consumed; it's that the truth had settled like an itch she couldn’t ignore.
She was in love with you.
After everything, it was undeniable. The flirty distractions, the casual hookups of the past moths had been a showing it's self and she couldn’t deny any longer. She wanted you. All of you. Not just in a sexual way...no. She wanted you the way her best friend had you.
By the time she reached your apartment, her heart was pounding. Her boots thud loudly on the sidewalk as she paused, shaking her head to clear it. She had rehearsed it a hundred times in her mind: what she would say, how she would say it, how she could make you understand without scaring you away.
She pressed your buzzer. Once... then twice...the she realzied she was buzzing the apartment across from yours. So, she turned around and buzzed yours, then leaned against the wall, steadying herself. When you opened the door, her eyes were red, glossy, a little unsteady, but fixed on you with an intensity that made your stomach tighten.
"Hey, beautiful" she slurred softly, a grin tugging at her lips. "I… I-I gotta tell ya somethin'. C'n I...c'n I come in?"
You stepped aside furrowing your brows, "Of course," you said though your voice was cautious. There was something different about her tonight, something vulnerable.
She stumbled slightly inside, dropping her jacket over the back of a chair, and finally sank onto your couch. Her hair was messy, a few strands sticking to her flushed cheeks. She laughed nervously. "O-kay… whoa, okay, dis' is uh, this is way harder than I thought."
You sat beside her, giving her space.
"I… I think I’m in love with you," she blurted out, words spilling over like they had been bottled up for too long. Her fingers twisted on her pants.
"I been tryna...try-ing to ignore it, y'know. Trying to tell myself it’s jus'… wha'ever. But it’s not. S'not jus't' wha't'ever. It’s...it's you. I’m… I’m in love with you."
You didn’t move at first, only letting the words sink in.
The way her hands fidgeted, twisting the fabric of her pants, the way her voice cracked and slurred. It was all painfully real.
"I--I mean…" she hiccuped, swaying slightly on the couch. "I can’t… can’t do dis' sober… it’s too much."
You reached out instinctively, catching her arm before she tipped sideways. "Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe here."
She laughed, a soft, broken sound, leaning against your shoulder without realizing it. Cozy on you, familiar. You felt your chest tighten with a mix of protectiveness and something more, something that had been growing for months.
"I… I jus'…" Her words trailed off into a sigh, "I love… I loove you. I been been stupid thinkin' I could handle it, y'know? Like… jus' fun or whatev'r. But I can’t. I… need… you."
Her head tilted, fluttering her eyes as if she were trying to hold herself upright but failing. The living room felt smaller somehow. The soft hum of the streets outside fading behind the beating of your heartbeat.
"Shh, it’s okay," you murmured brushing a stray piece of hair from her face. "You don’t have to explain anymore. Just rest."
She tried to speak again, but her words came out mumbled, and her eyelids drooped low. Finally with a soft, exhausted groan, she slumped fully against you. Letting her weight press into your side. You caught her before she hit the couch, adjusting her so she was comfortable, her head resting against your shoulder.
For a moment, you just held her. Her breathing evened out slowly, soft and warm against you. The tension in her body left as sleep took over her completely. You found yourself cradling her gently, unable to move your eyes away.
"You’re… a mess," you whispered softly, smiling despite the heaviness in your chest. "But… you’re mine, now. At least… for tonight." You booped her nose.
Her hand twitched slightly against yours, a small unconscious grip that made your heart jump. You let your fingers intertwine with hers, careful not to wake her, unable to resist the connection. The living room was quiet except for the soft rise and fall of her breathing and the muted sounds of the city outside.
-
During all this, in the other side of town. Inside a frat house: Chris sat on the edge of his bed, the camera and laptop balanced on his knees. He wasn’t supposed to be looking through it, just fixing it for you, but curiosity called at him.
Again: "Curiosity killed the cat," they all say.
He tapped the screen lightly, scrolling through the files. Mostly they were what he expected: sports shots, a few landscape pictures you had taken on walks, harmless moments that made him smile. Your talent was obvious in every photo.
He paused at a rare shot of yourself, smiling lightly, hair falling onto your face, it was a reference photo you too for editing class. He smiled softly, heart warming, and leaned back.
Then he noticed a folder labeled something harmeless: 'Practice Footage' and tapped it. The thumbnails loaded quickly. Most were boring: drills, passes, team huddles. But then a sudden flash of a smirk caught his eye.
It was her.
Something about her expression caught him off guard. It wasn't a playful smirk or teasing one like he knew. No, it was personal and private, and intimate.
His fingers hovered over the files, he clicked it.
Thanks to the next few thumbnails that confirm it, movements and expressions that weren't for the public eyes, for anyone that wasn't: You or her.
Shock and disbelief mixed with a sinking heavy pit in his stomach. The moments he had once shrugged off as harmless hints, little smiles, brief touches, suddenly, everything had a new meaning. He leaned back against his headboard, fist tight, staring at the screen as the realization settled in fully.
His hands shook slightly. The secret you held, you sleeping with someone after telling him you "weren't ready". Someone he knew, someone he trusted. It was right here before him. His voice caught as he whispered to himself, "What…the hell?"
The room was silent. Chris’s mind raced, a mixture of hurt, confusion, and the stab of betrayal. Questions swirled:
How long?
When?
Why didn’t you tell me?
How could you?
The camera clicked softly as he adjusted it again, but he barely noticed. The thumbnails, the realization, the video: it was all undeniable. And Chris knew, in that moment, that nothing between him and you could ever be the same.
❀-
The pounding on her door shook the apartment. At first she thought it was a 'ding-dong-ditcher' pranking her, or some drunk neighbor. Until the voice caught her full attention.
"OPEN UP!"
Her stomach dropped, she swung the door open and found Chris standing there: eyes filled with anger. Like that one time when they were 16 and she accidentally crashed his brand new car.
"Chris, why are you knocking like---" she didn't get to finish. Without a word, he shoved past her and barged inside, heading straight for her bedroom.
"What are you doing?" she demanded stepping forward. Pushing him away from opening her drawers.
"Trying to prove to myself this isn’t real," he said gritting his teeth, shoving aside a pile of clothes. His hands trembled, half from anger--half from disbelief.
Her eyebrows furrowed. "Prove what?"
"You’re fucking my girlfriend," he spat in a low tone.
For a second the words landed, shocking her. Then he shoved her hard... REALLY shoved her, knocking her off balance against her bedframe.
"Hey! What the fuck?!" she yelled, pushing back. "You’re gonna fight me in my own apartment? Hit a girl? C'mon Chris."
"You aren’t a fucking GIRL when you had that fake DICK between your legs fucking MY girlfriend, so why should I worry about fighting you?" he shot back fury radiating from him.
The words hit like a punch and she stumbled back, defensive. "What the fuck?!" she shouted, shoving him again, chest pressed to chest. "You’re insane!"
He shoved her once more, and the room shook with the force of it, the tension raw and brutal: like siblings on the verge of a brawl. She raised her hands, bracing herself.
"Stop," she finally said low but commanding, making him stop. Her chest heaving, eyes locked on his, she let her words cut through the anger.
He didn’t move, voice tight as he asked, "Did you… did you take her virginity just to rub it in my face?"
Her eyes widened. "I… I...what?"
Silence.
"I didn’t even know she was a virgin," she said quickly, irritated. "I wasn’t with her to hurt you!"
He laughed bitterly shaking his head. "Sure. Sure..." He rolled his eyes. "You just want revenge for all those times."
Her face softened slightly her voice stayed steady. "Chris… I wasn’t with her for revenge. I fell for her. I… I love her."
"That's not fair!" he ran a hand through his hair.
She stepped closer eyes looking at his. "It’s not fair I get your leftovers! Every girl you break up with ends up with me somehow, and every girl I like… they use me just to get to you. I’m tired of being in your shadow. Everyone loved you more than me."
She points her finger at him, "You don't get to say this is not fair when you've done this to me three...four..FIVE TIMES! And every time I have to suck it up and not be a big baby because it was always a "Don't blame me, she fell for me first," from you every time."
His jaw tightened. "That’s not--"
"I love her, Chris," she interrupted. “More than you could. More than you! And I know you like her… but you don’t love her. You just want the ‘good girlfriend’ on your side”
He stared at her, anger and disbelief mixing together once again. "That’s a lie!"
She shook her head slowly. "I know you, Chris...like the back of my hand. Sure, you like her. But you don’t love her. I know her, I know her heart… and I know mine. And she’s mine. Not yours. Not yours to claim."
The room fell silent for a beat, the weight of their shared history pressing in: the rivalry, the jealousy, the unspoken truths of childhood and teenage years, crashing in this moment of betrayal and confession. This was just two big fucking babies fighting over something they each claim is theirs.
Chris’s chest rose and fell rapidly, a storm of emotions clawing through him. Her eyes burned with conviction, in that moment he realized this wasn’t about revenge. This was love, raw, messy, and completely, irreversibly real.
"I GOT COOKIES!" you cheerfully said in a singy-song way, through the front door. Holding the small paper bag in hands. The aroma dancing in your nose as you knock.
Both their heads snapped to the outside of her room. Chris speed-walks to the front door, and she just crossed her arms, pinches the bridge of her nose.
The door swings open, and you freeze. Chris is standing there: furious. He's looking at you like you've personally betrayed him, and for a moment, the cheerful energy of the cookies in your hands feels stupid.
"Oh..h-hey Chris, what's up?" You try to say, your heart dropping. And it drops even lower when her gazes down at your outfit.
You and her were supposed to have a cute little 'hang out,' in the mountains again. You arrived 2 hours earlier though. Dressed cute, casual, colors that make you look sweet, approachable, and oblivious.
He scowls.
Without saying a word he slams the door in your face, the sound echoing like a gunshot in the hallways, and you flinch.
"Chris!" you hear her voice through the door. Saying something in an angry tone about him being a "fucking asshole", or something you couldn't make out.
The door creaks open again, and she steps aside, letting you come in. You try to smile at her, hoping your presence can somehow defuse this tension. But your eyes are immediately drawn back to Chris.
He’s pacing now. One hand running through his hair, jaw clenched, voice low and cold.
"Why… why the hell did you let me fix the camera?" he asks, glancing between you and her. "Knowing there was… you know… stuff on it?"
You blink in confusion. The dots in your head no clicking yet. "What do you mean?"
"He saw it..." she says quickly, cutting your confusion short. "Chris saw the videos we filmed...two weeks ago."
Chris isn't yelling, not yet, but he makes a low angry hum. His voice makes your stomach twist. "You let me...touch that?" he murmurs and you cringed.
You drop your eyes, thinking...how can you come back from this? You let him fix the camera, you knew what was in it. You didn't even understand your own actions. It feels as if you WANTED him to know subconsciously---self sabotage. Then again, in the moment your camcorder broke, you weren't thinking of that specifically. You were thinking about your progress, your new pictures, your hard work. He was your solution in that moment of empty mindness and worry.
"Chris...you have every right to be pissed," you mumbled, "I was...selfish."
"You...you didn't even think, did you?" Chris voice cracks slightly.
"I don't even know what to say," he mumbles your name. "I trusted you. I trust BOTH of you." His lips twitch as if he's holding something back. And you flinch under the intensity.
You glance at her, hoping for something or anything. But she, herself is frozen, arms crossed. Watching this...him...everything unravel like she knew it was coming.
"I...Chris..." you start, tone full of trembling guilt. You drop the paper bag of of cookies on the counter, the sound of it breaking the silence. "I didn't mean for you to find out like this. It's true I wasn't thinking. I just--"
"Just what?" His voice rises slightly, disbelief. "Just let her...let do that to you and film it.? Let her do that to us?"
Your chest tightens. "It wasn't like that...at least, not in a way to hurt you. I...I don't even know how to explain it." You rub your sweaty hands together, feeling suddenly small and exposed.
He takes a stop closer, the anger visible. "So....this is about you huh?You being selfish...You know what I think?" his voice gets even lower. "I think you wanted me to see it? That what it feels like...right?"
You shake your head quickly. "N-No! I didn't I...just....in the park my head was all over the place. And i wasn't thinking--"
"Again with the 'i wasn't thinking,' bullshit" his laugh is bitter. "You were having sex with her after telling me you were a virgin and acting like a saint. You slept with HER!" Chris points at her, she looked angry at the way he was talking to you.
"And you're telling me you didn't think? That you were autopilot mode?"
The room feels suffocating. Even the walls were judging you. "I...I didn't plan it. I--"
"SHE!" he interrupts, trembling with rage. He steps closer to her, pointing but looking at you, like he's showing you something in a display. "The one I've known forever? My best friend!"
He laughs.
"They always warn people about the quiet ones. God, I'm so fucking dumb, I set myself up. Trying to make you both friends...I should've just handed ya a hotel room key and tell ya to have fun," he was rambling, almost as if he was talking to himself or saying his thoughts out loud.
"You know, you're always taking pictures. I didn't think you were a pervert. I wouldn't be surprised if you had more than one video...with many others. Pfft and I'm here believing you were a saving yourself for marriage or something...You hate me so much and I swear I was trying to be the perfect boyfriend.
You can't look at him. You keep your gaze down, words failing. Defeated...because no matter what you say or how you say it would justify your choices. The choices that step on your chest.
"Christopher STOP! She...she didn't mean to hurt you either," she finally says, relaxing your panic. "Don't talk to her like that. I love her...I wasn't with her to get back at you. You think I'm that petty?"
Chris rapidly turns to her, fists clenched. "And you! Again with the 'I love her!' Do you think that makes it any better?" you can hear the pain in his voice when it cracks. "Do you think saying you love her....fixes that you--" He swallows hard. "You took her from me!"
You flinch, hearing the absolute distress in his tone. You're nauseous. "Chris, it wasn't like that," you whisper trying to gather your words and yourself. "I didn't want to hurt you."
He stumbles back a step, shaking his head: “I..." his voice exhausted. "...I trusted you. I thought...I thou we were..."
You take a careful step foward, heart about to drop. "Chris. I'm so so sorry. I love her, and I didn't want any of this to happen. I didn't want anyone get hurt."
He shuts his eyes, fists loosening, but he's not calm. "It's not fair," he mutters. "It's...it's just not fair." He repeats it.
"I know," you whisper. "I know, and I take full responsibility. I just want you to understand this wasn't some game or revenge."
You tell him how it started. That it was about you and her...and the feelings that developed. He doesn't respond immediately, just stares at the floor. Chest still rising and falling rapidly. The silences is long and thick and full of heart break, confusion, the sting of betrayal.
You drop to her couch, letting your hands rest in your lap, unable to meet his gaze. Your uneven breathing is the only sound.
-
Chris storms off. Slamming the door.
You stand next to her, slump against the counter, knees weak, the paper bag of cookies crumpled forgotten next to you. The storm has just passed and left a huge mess in you.
You can't look at her. You feel like you broke something important, a bond that wasn't even yours to touch. "I'm sorry," your voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to..."
"I know," she says softly but firmly. She sits on the floor, crossing her arms, gaze somewhere far away. "I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone."
"But I did. I came in between you and him...and ruined whatever that was. I broke you two."
She lets out a long bitter laugh, shaking her head slightly. "I don't even know why I stayed friends with him," she hesitantly admits. "I love him. Like… a brother, you already know? He’s always been… this impossible standard, this perfect… dude. But he’s also made me feel small. Made me feel like nothing I do is ever enough.”
You sit beside her, careful to give space, yet drawn close by the shared silence. "I just… I wish it didn’t have to hurt anyone. I wish… we could just be happy without all this… pain."
Her hand brushes against yours almost like second nature, a small reassurance. "I love you," she whispers, voice thick with sincerity. "Not like him. Not like the way he wants everything to fit into his perfect image. And right now, that’s all that matters. Even if the rest is messy."
You look down at her hand holding yours, the warmth grounding you, and feel a flutter in your chest: part relief - part longing - part guilt that will never fully go away. "I love you too,"
She leans closer, tilting her head so your foreheads touch. "We’re all hurting," she says gently. "But… at least we know this is real. At least we have each other. And maybe… that’s enough to survive everything else."
You close your eyes for a moment, letting the quiet settle between you.
Emotions are there, but it takes her presence, her hand, her voice, to keep you steady enough and hope.
She stays close for a while, then her voice softens, with curiosity and vulnerability. “Can I ask you something?
You nod, feeling fear and anticipation in your stomach. “S-Sure.”
Her gaze sharpens a bit, searching your face. “Why… why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”
The question hits harder than you expected. Your throat tightens and you look down at your hands, fidgeting with the straps of your shoes. “I… I dunno,” you admit quietly, voice shaky. “I guess… I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know if it mattered, or if it would change… things between us. I was caught up in the moment.”
She exhales, a mixture of surprise and something softer. “You had me… and you didn’t tell me? That’s… crazy.” She smirks faintly, shaking her head. “But… you didn’t have to tell me, I guess. Still…” Her tone drops, serious now, eyes searching yours. “I would’ve wanted to know. For me. To see you… to protect you, make sure it wasn’t just a reckless thing.”
“I wanted it with you,” you whisper, “more than anything. I just… I didn’t think I could say it out loud. I… I didn’t want to ruin anything. Or make it weird.”
She tilts her head, brushing a loose strand of hair from your face. “Weird?” she murmurs, voice low teasing but tender. “Baby, the only thing that’s weird is that we filmed it. Never met someone who documented their first experience.” She chuckles. “That’s all. It doesn’t change anything. You don’t have to be ashamed.”
You can feel that she was more experienced than you. And maybe that’s another reason you stayed quiet.
Yet, in the way she leans against you, the low hum in her voice as she talks softly, the way her eyes darken when she studies your expressions. She’s lived these moments before. She explored, learned, and become custom to the language of desire and intimacy
But with you, it’s different.
With you, it’s patient, tender, and yet full with intensity that makes your heart race.
Even her confidence has a softness now. A warmth that contrasts the commanding exterior you first noticed on the rink. It’s a balance: experienced enough to know how to navigate closeness, also gentle enough to make you feel safe, cherished, and completely seen.
❀-
Time have passed since the storm. The world around you feels… different. You’re walking through the world now with her hand in yours, and for the first time it doesn’t feel like you’re sneaking. You’re no longer hiding behind shadows and whispers. You’re here, and she’s here, and that’s what matters.
One thing you can breath about is how the video remaind private. You feared for a few days that it'll be exposed, but trusting Chris's words, "I'm not an evil person. I wouldn't do that to you, let alone her. Take care of yourself."
Some of his friends give you nods or sideways glances, their expressions a mix of sympathy, suspicion, and silent judgment. Others avoid you completely, shifting uncomfortably when you pass, whispering in small group that you can almost hear, though no one dares speak your name aloud.
You notice the divide clearly: the group is split. Chris’s influence lingers even without him directly in the room. Some friends are loyal to him, while others are quietly siding with her, or maybe just observing, waiting to see how things play out.
And She?
She preaches that she “doesn’t give a fuck.” She walks beside you as if the world hasn’t changed at all. Her grip on your hand is firm and rough possessive in the most comforting way. When someone gives you a stank look, she doesn’t step back. Instead, she tightens her hold and leans in, murmuring, “Ignore them. We’re fine.”
And it’s true. Around her, the judgment and whispers don’t touch you.
Her presence makes the world softer and bearable. The rest of campus, gossip and side eyes, fades into background noise.
You and she create your own space, your own routines. Late night walks, coffee runs, quiet corners of the library where no one knows your names. Your conversations are uninterrupted, filled with laughter and teasing, playful touches and glances that say more than words ever could.
❀-
The crowd roars as the players skate onto the ice. You spot her immediately, helmet under her arm, eyes scanning her team, that familiar fire and focus radiating off her. You grin to yourself, proud, amazed. She hasn’t noticed you yet, and you stay low in the stands for a moment, just watching, soaking it in.
You went all out, face painted in her team colors carefully in stripes and symbols of pride. Camera in hand (after Chris dramatically dropped everything off in a box) Standing in the stands, surrounded by cheering fans, you feel a mix of nerves and excitement. It’s not about hiding anymore: you’re here to support her, loud and visible.
She looks up. And her eyes find yours.
The crowd disappears into the background as she smirks, just a little, a secret acknowledgment that she sees you there, in full team spirit, cheering louder than anyone else.
She shakes her head, half laughing, half annoyed, but her grin says it all: she loves it.
The whistle blows, and the game begins.
You cheer and holla for every play she makes, every impressive pass, every shot on goal. You’re louder than the majority of the stands, and you catch glimpses of her glancing up, smirking, her focus never slipping for long.
Halfway through, one of Chris and her friends, standing nearby with a group, side eyes you.
You feel it, a mix of smugness and defiance swelling in your chest. They probably think you shouldn’t be here, that you "overstepped," but you don’t care. This is your person. This is your pride and your excitement, and no one gets to take that away.
After a particularly strong play, she skates to the bench and quickly glances up at you again. This time, she winks. You can’t help but laugh, waving your arms wildly, shouting her name like a cheerleader possessed. You’re caught up in the moment, in her.
Your in exhilaration of being seen by her, in a sea of her fan girls and ex-hookups and little groupies.
During a timeout, she leans over the bench and mouths: "Come after the game." Your heart skips a beat. It’s a private message in the middle of a public, a reminder that she’s yours, fully and unapologetically.
When the final buzzer blows and the team erupts into celebration, you can’t wait. You clutch your painted hands together, already imagining the smile on her face when you finally meet her behind the rink.
And you know, without a doubt, that tonight is going to be just for the two of you.
The final whistle blows, and the rink erupts in cheers.
Confetti flutters down from the rafters.
The lights, and the smell of sweat, ice, and victory in the air.
You remember the first time you used to pick her up after late night practices. How nervous you would be, trying not to seem too eager or guilty, waiting just outside the rink while she finished up. You stand near the exit, just like you did all those nights. The rink is still alive with cheers, teammates hugging, reporters snapping photos, but you block it all out.
All you see is her.
She steps out of the locker room, hair damp and easy, sweat shiny on her skin, a grin taking over her face. She carries the championship trophy like it weighs nothing at all, and your chest tightens at how perfect she looks.
"You did it," your voice barely above a whisper, but she hears it. She laughs, a short, happy sound, and it feels like music.
"Yeah. Couldn’t have done it without my biggest fan" she replies, eyes flicking to you.
You giggle, brush a loose strand of damp hair behind her ear, letting your fingers linger. "I wouldn’t be anywhere else," you admit softly,.
She tilts her head, the mischievous sparkle in her eyes returning, and leans up so your foreheads touch. "So… you waiting to take me out for victory fries or are you just going to stare at me like this all night?"
You laugh, the tension breaking, and pull her into a quick, careful hug, careful because you don’t want to squash the trophy she worked so hard for. "Both," you reply, grinning. "Def both."
She squeezes your hand, a silent 'thank you' and promise all in one. You realize:
the trophy isn’t the only thing she’s won tonight.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊ ✩
A/n: Finally finished on August 18 @ 10a.m.
Tags <3 also tysm for all the support & the reblogs. Some tags don’t work and idk why
Anon’s synopsis: You’re the quiet girl, known for dating the university’s popular quarterback, but youre secretly pulled toward his best friend: a strong, charismatic hockey player. She’s infamous for her hookups and late partying. Yet, lately, her attention has been entirely on you...(I had to crop half of the request cuz it’ll spoil the whole thing T_T )
Thank you so much for the request. <3 I hope you enjoy and this was what you expected from me. 💋💕🫂
Imagine 25: "I saw you stare from my peripheral, yeah...Find out how it feels to let go of everything, be free, when you're here with me"
❀✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊ moonlight - kali uchis ❀✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊
(University AU - introverted!reader - filmstudent!reader - slight slow burn - insert female love interest - infidelity and selfishness - reader has a boyfriend - use of y/n like once - wlw - smut w/ plot - switch!reader - 2 part story - added background character - proof read once :'D - 11.9k words )
You crouch behind the lens, shaping out the scene without blinking. The loud click of the shutter cuts through the cold air, capturing motion frozen in time. Your fingers fidget over the camera controls, adjusting focus on the center of the rink.
The assignment was simple: photograph the women's hockey team for the university's website. A straight forward job. Your professor handed you the sports roster, a few notes from the marketing department, and a deadline.
You arrive early, checking your camera settings while the players lace their skates and adjust their pads. The ice weirdly smells faintly of antifreeze and detergent, the cold air stings the inside of your nose. You stay near the boards, letting the edge of the plexiglass be your view.
She stands out immediately. Not just because she's captain, but because of the way her presence commands the frozen water she stand on. Her voice carries, low and steady, as she gathers her teammates into position. She glides around, stick under her arm. She's scanning the team with an judgy stare, focus enough to catch the smallest mistake.
"Lets go. Line up for the shot," she firmly calls without being harsh. A couple of girls laugh, moving too slowly, and she skates over to them quickly. Her voice drops, low enough you can't hear the words, but the effect is instant; they straighten, correcting their formation, stop fidgeting.
Your camera lifts almost without your permission. Through the viewfinder, she's a perfect photo: the stiffness of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the concentration in her eyes when she continues to adjust her teammate's stance. Your lens takes her in frame by frame. Gloves hands brushing frost bits from her jersey, the faint smile when someone finally does what she wants. Her eyes sweep across the rink, scanning and calculating.
She makes eye contact. Her gaze finds yours...or the camera's. You're looking at each other from the viewfinder. You don't look away...not until you realize you're just pointing the camera at them without doing anything.
Until she glides right in front of you.
You quietly exhale. Clear your throat, "Hey. I'm here--"
She speaks over you, looks at you, expression unreadable at first. "You're here to make us look good, right?"
"Y-yeah," you say, voice steady despite the sudden tightness in your chest. "I'm here for the website pictures. Just need some shots for the sport sections."
Her unreadable expression softens, she introduces herself, lets you know she's the captain. Offering a hand that's calloused from the stick. You shake it, aware of the contrast between your cool skin and the heat coming from her palm.
You give her your name, purposely straight foward.
Her gaze lingers on you longer than necessary, then she gestures towards the rink. "Alright, Y/n. Let's give you something worth putting on the internet."
Your morning is spent with you staring through the viewfinder. The scrapes of blades and the harsh slap the sticks give the pucks. Between shots, your eyes keep finding her, sometimes from behind the camera, sometimes when you're cleaning the lens and think she isn't watching.
Every photograph you take, you're trying to capture not only her image but the way she controls the air around her. The way she's so completely herself in the middle of everything. You tell yourself it's about the job: 'capture the dynamic energy of the captain and her team.'
There's something about her that absorbs everything, pulls everything else into focus. When she laughs, it's sudden and real, shaking off whatever tension.
You capture too much, you see more than the captain, more than the sporty chick. You capture the way her shoulders relax when no one's watching, the way her fingers brush her hair in a nervous tic. Capturing moments you don't want to forget, camera keeps clicking.
By the time you pack up your gear, you see people exiting the rink for lunch. She approaches, helmet in hand, cheeks flushed form the col and hard work.
She asks to see the photos:
"You got a good eye." she says quietly. "Maybe we'll see you around."
You watch her walk away with two other members. You let go of the air you didn't know you were holding.
That night you lie awake, the rink's cold air replaced by the warmness of your small apartment. Your mind replays her every move, the way she took control of her teammates, the tilt of her head when she caught you watching.
You drift into sleep, but she doesn't leave your mind.
❀-
The field is already buzzing when you arrive, the late afternoon sun reflects across the grass. Your camera hangs from your neck, heavy with weight of the day's work, but you float when you walk.
You spot your friend, Olivia, waiting near the sidelines, lens training alongside the football players, jogging.
"Liv!" You wave at her.
"Hey," she smiles. "You ready?" Olivia nods toward the center of the field where the quarterback is warming up, tossing the ball back and forth with ease.
She texted you earlier that day if you could take her place for this shoot. She was in charge of capturing the football team. You agreed because you "needed some Vitamin D," and because you had nothing else to do.
You take your place behind the lens, searching for the perfect shot. The quarterback moves effortlessly. every motion precise, eye glance confident. His eyes catches yours, he smiles: warm--genuine.
Later, when practice breaks and the players scatter, he approaches, hands in his pockets, that easy charm in his stance.
"Hey, you're the photographer? Or is it the other person?" His tone was soothing.
You nod, "I'm just taking over for a bit, she'll be back," you brush a loose strand of hair behind your ear.
"Oh...” silence. Then: “I'm Christopher," he says, offering you a hand. You take it, you're well mannered.
"Your camera is pretty cool. I'm sure you're like really good with them."
You chuckle, a little meekly. "Thanks."
You two talk for a bit. About your major in Film and why you chose it. And his focus on football, how he wants to be a professional. He is gentle and a little bit like you: unsure, quiet.
You know he's more confident though.
Especially when he leans in slightly, "Maybe I could take you out sometime? Off the field. I mean, if you're not busy."
Your heart skips, surprised and excited. You manage to smile. "I'd like that."
❀-
Months slipped by since those first shoots at the rink and on the field. You've gotten used to your new little routine: morning classes, afternoons hidden behind your lens, and evenings spent with Chris and his friends.
You find yourself walking the line between two words.
One side, there's Christopher and his friends. A cute-lovely tight knight group who welcomed you with open arms.
Christopher, himself, perfect in his role of Quarterback. His laugh bouncing off the walls, the weight of his arm around your shoulder in the quad.
You know his friends well enough to say hi, share a joke, or pass the popcorn during game nights. Well enough that they nod at you in passing, throw teasing jabs about your quietness. At first you didn't like the label of, "The QB's shy girlfriend," but you got used it. Even if sometimes you almost become invisible among the loud convo and easy friendship of the football team. It's a strange place for someone like you, quiet and careful. Yet, you fit neatly into their loud, confident world.
They grown used to your quiet presence. Chris friends like you because you don't demand attention, because your smile is soft but real, and you never embarrass Chris. During parties, you hang in the back, sipping soda on the sides. A silent observer of the loud music and reckless atmosphere. Your world feels ordered, predictable, and safe.
But then there's her: the hockey captain you dreamt of for a few days. Your boyfriend's best friend.
Everyone knows her. She's a genius in her sport. A force of nature who commands her team with a quick look and effort. Everyone respects her; professors greet her when she walks around campus or into class, teammates obey, and academic advisors praise her discipline. She's straight A student, an athelte through and through.
That's why the contradiction of her fascinates you. The other side of, the one the campus whispers about. Wild parties, casual hookups, stories that end up on the university's confession page. She's always been reckless, fearless, untamed...queen of the night you might say. Parties that go on forever, girls trailing after her like puppies. She is chasing excitement and someone is chasing her.
You find it impossible to make sense of those two images.
You watch from afar sometimes, catching her at the front of those parties, center of every curious girl's attention. Laughing loud, drink in hand, hair loose, eyes sparkling with fire...untouchable. The same fire you saw through the viewfinder during the rink photoshoot months ago, but somehow hotter, and chaotic.
You can't help but admire it. You wonder if maybe there's a part of you that craves a taste of that freedom. But you hide it quickly, because you know who you are. You like your silent evenings, your hand built world.
One night after your 2 P.M class, you find yourself sitting on the bus stop bench, gripping your bag, when you hear laughter across the parking lot. It's her walking in the distance with two girls, her arms thrown around their shoulders, her voice loud and alluring.
You catch her eye for a moment. She smirks, a flash of something ambiguous. Mixture of a challenge and secret mischief, maybe. You don't know, you look away quickly, heart thudding. Deep down you're starting to realize you WANT to know her better. Whatever is underneath the reputation. The beautiful mess no one gets to see.
❀-
The text from Chris appears on your phone late in the afternoon. Maybe around
7:15 P.M.
[ Christopher: Hey babe, can you do me a favor? ]
He asked a simple question. To pick her up from practice...
7:16 P.M.
[Christopher: I was hoping you could pick her up after. You're my two favorite people, gotta get you to get along, right?]
You stare at the message, your heart skipping just a bit. He doesn't say much more, but you can almost hear the hopeful tone behind the casual message.
You typed back quickly:
7:16 P.M.
[You: Sure, I can do that:)]
Later, as the night began to settle over campus, you find yourself standing out the rink, the cold poking you through your jacket. The building is mostly empty now. Faint echos skates scraping ice and muffle thuds of sticks against the boards.
Pushing open the heavy door, you step inside the chill washing over you. Your breath fogs in the air as you make your way down the bleachers to the edge of the rink. And there she is, alone.
Her figure glides smoothly across the ice, movements precise but effortless. The fluorescent lights overhead created long shadows, framing her in a spotlight of determination.
You twitched to grab the camera forgotten at your side (Not your professional-project-necessary camera, but the camcorder you carry like they're keys) You're still, mesmerized.
Her breath clouds the air in pattern puffs as she continues the same sequence over and over. Swifts turns, sharp stops, direct power. Her face is concentrate, like a mask, but you catch the smallest curve of a smile when she nails a difficult move.
You don't want to interrupt and break this moment. You watch her skate, the way her eyes narrow slightly when she is pushing harder. Subtle trembles of exhaustion in her hands.
She senses you eventually, her sharp gaze looking up.
Your body wants to react but you keep it still, letting her have this moment. When she finally stops, she slides to the boards. You approach quietly giving her a small smile.
"Hey," you says softly. "Practice almost over?"
She shrugs, her usual confidence softened by fatigue. "Just finishing up."
You nod, suddenly aware of how close you are, how the smell of ice and sweat dance in the cold air between you.
Chris had said you two should get along.
Maybe this is the start of the low sort of routine.
Every few nights, he'll text:
[ Christopher: Hey can you grab her after practice?]
...and you find yourself back at the rink, leaning on the boards while the rest of the team leaves.
The first few pickups were quiet and polite nods. The occasional "thanks" before she slung her gear into the backseat.
As the weeks went by it became easier now. The awkwardness has thinned, replaced by short conversations about her day, about your classes, about how her car broke down and been working to get it fixed, or about nothing in particular. She lingers by the boards and teases you for always wearing the same scarf.
Tonight, practice runs later than ever. You wait at your usual spot, sitting by the boards (sometimes leaning on the railing) watching her skate the whole rink. She's faster than usual, hair messy under her helmet, movements more rough and calculated.
You mentally captures things about her: she never leaves her stick propped up on the bench without cleaning it, the faint red marks along her chin from the helmet strap, the crease between her eyebrows when she's thinking. Her mouth flips in that lopsided half smile you started to familiarize with. She skates towards you and stops so abruptly that a spray of ice dusts your jacket.
"You ever been out here?" she asks, leaning on her stick.
"Out here as in...the ice?" You tilt your head, blinking.
"No," she says dryly. "I meant the moon," she mimics you and tilts her head as well. Her smirk deepens when you roll your eyes. "Yes, the ice. Ever skated before?"
"Not since I was like...ten." You glance down at your sneakers. "And I'm not dressed appropriately for it."
"Sighh...That's a shame," she lightly says, yet her eyes studying you in a way the makes your chest feel tight. "You look like you're scared to step further than the boards."
"Pfft, I'm not scared."
"Oh really?" she challenges.
You scoff about to backpedal, before you can, she reaches over the railing and hooks her gloved fingers gently around your wrist. "Cm'on. One step in won't kill you."
A cold shock of her palm through the glove seeps into your skin. You hesitate, glancing toward the empty stands like someone might be watching, but she's already pulling you forward.
The second your shoes touches the slippery surface, it slide a little and you grab her arm instinctively. She laughs, not mockingly, brightly and genuinely. And she steadies you with both hands on your waist.
"You're fine. Just...lean onto me."
"That's easy for you to say," you mutter, your hands find her shoulders anyway, fingers curling into the padded fabric of her jersey.
For a while, she just pulls you slowly across the rink, wanting you to get used to the glide. The sound of your sneakers squeaking lightly against the ice is ridiculous, but she doesn't seem to care. Her smirk gets softer into something warmer.
"You're better at this than you think," she says, spinning you gently so you're facing the far end of the rink. "See...not so bad." She starts to skate backward slowly, pulling you along by your hands. Your sneakers squeak and slip but somehow she keeps you upright, guiding you in a slow awkward half circle.
You're laughing despite yourself, the air cold in your ribs. "This is so dumb."
"This," she's still smirking, "is you proving me right."
You roll your eyes, but the feeling growing in your chest betrays you. You almost feel steady until your toe catches on an uneven part, suddenly you're weightless for a second before landing flat on your back with a thud.
Her laughter bursts through the quiet, echoing across the empty rink. She skates over and crouches down besides you, still grinning, cheeks red from the cold and amusement.
"You okay?" she asks, not even pretending to hide the chuckle.
"Fine," you mumble, faking annoyance and pride. She continues to laugh and you can't help but try to hold back your own.
"Good." She holds out her hand, warm even through the glove. "Because that was the funniest shit I've ever seen."
You take her hand, letting her pull you back up and she doesn't let go right away. For a single frame, you're just standing there, breathing in the coldness, close enough to see the details in her eyes.
And then she skates backwards again, tugging you for another round.
❀-
That night, she insists on buying you food.
"I'm starving," she says as you both step out the rink, still a little giddy from your clumsy-sneaker-skating adventure. "And if you drive me home on an empty stomach...I'll probably pass out before I can even thank you."
You laugh, your cheeks ache from smiling, your palms are still tingling where they'd rested on her and you're cozier than you have any right to be in a building this cold.
"You don't need to thank me."
"Too bad. You're getting fries out of this whether you want them or not."
Fifteen minutes later, you're parked outside a 24 hour burger place. The smell of fast food filling the smell space of your car. She passes you a bag, the wrapper hot against your cold fingers. Your radio plays low; something with an easy steady beat, and the overhead light catches the edges of her damp hair where it's transforming to it's natural state--slightly from the melted ice.
You eat with the windows cracked just enough for the night air to cool the car. She's relaxed in the passenger seat, hoodie pulled over her head, one leg bent up against the dashboard in a way you would normally scold anyone else for, but you let her.
"You're quieter when you're off the ice," you tell her between bites.
She tilts her head at you. "Quieter good or quieter bad?"
"Good...quieter good," you admit. "You're easier to...I dunno...talk to."
A slow smile spreads across her face. "So you're saying you like me better now than when I'm yelling at my teammates."
You shake your head with a laugh. "That is so not what I said."
She's still smiling when she leans back, chewing on a fry. "I'm having fun," she says finally, voice softer now. "Haven't done something like this in..a while."
You don't answer right away, because you're having fun too. Too much fun for what this is supposed to be: picking up your boyfriend's best friend after practice.
Sitting in your car eating fast food and laughing at nonsense isn't a crime, but in your chest, it feels like it might be.
Her phone buzzes against her thigh. She glanced down at the screen and roll her eyes slightly, answering with a boring: "Hey."
The voice on the other end is muffled, but you hear the playfully flirty tone.
She leans back further in her seat, the hoodie shadowing her face as she says, "Nah, I'm not doing anything. Yea....mhm, yeah I can meet you in a bit." Her eyes flick towards you for the briefest second, then look away.
Your fingers tighten slightly on the steering wheel even though the car is in park. You force a small smile when she hangs up, slipping her phone in her pocket.
"Ready?" you ask, your voice more preppier than you feel.
"Yeah. Sorry...early morning tomorrow," she says, as if that's all the call was about.
The drive to her apartment is quiet except for the hum of the tires and the low music. When you pull up, she thanks you again, grabbing her bag and flashing you that same smirk that made the rink feel warm hours ago.
"See you," she says, shutting the door.
You watch her walk under the streetlight until she disappears into the building, the paper bag of leftover fries and your half eaten burger cool on the passanger seat.
You sit there for a moment long, feeling the guilt creep in. Not because you did anything wrong, but because you WANTED to.
❀-
The frat house is full of the familiar social energy. With the music humming low from the speakers in the corners, laughter from the kitchen where the drinks are spread, and the scent of beer and pizza hanging in the air. You stand near the back wall, clutching your cup a little too intensely, trying to keep your energy light as Chris chats with a few guys about an upcoming game.
Around you, the crowns spins, something feel different.
Maybe it's how you feel a little smaller here. Like you're watching a film, while shrinking. A sitcom of how all the friends feel out of reach, enjoying their convos and inside jokes.
She's here too, but not alone. Leaning against the wall, fingers tangled in the hair of a woman... a sexy woman wearing red lipstick. The two of them move together like they're the only ones in the room, close, whispers that flip into quiet laughter.
Your heart drops when you catch her hand slip lower, tracing a line up the woman's thigh. The woman's fingers curls around her wrist, pulling her even closer. The energy between them is electric, shameless, and public.
You watch, feeling a knot form in your stomach. It's not jealous really, more like a small ache that run just under the surface when you're in a room full of noise but feel totally-completely alone.
Chris notices your silence and nudges your side. "Hey, you alright?" he asks, only you can hear him.
You force a smile. "Yea...just tired, I guess."
He doesn't push it.
Your eyes keep drifting back to the pair: her and the woman, exposing their voyeurism, P.D.A (public display of affection). They're so open and alive. You wonder if it were you on the place of the woman, if you could be so certain or free.
You sip your drink, hoping to drown inside with ease.
❀-
About forty minutes later, your nerves soften turning into a gentle sensation. You're definitely more tipsy than usual, enough to feel a little loose, but still have control of yourself. You take steps upstairs, leaning your head against the wall feeling the music pulsate from downstairs. A pressure building low in your abdomen: You need to pee.
"Go piss girl," you joke to yourself out loud, getting a side eye from a stranger.
The hallway upstairs is quieter, illuminated only by the dull glow of a few lamps and the moonlight through the windows. You step carefully, trying to keep your balance as the warmth in your cheeks deepens.
After you finish, you move toward the sink to wash your hands, your reflection looking a little flushed in the dirty-foggy-mirror. You notice the door door across the bathroom, slightly cracked open.
"Curiosity killed the cat," is the saying.
And right now, you were walking closer, drying your hands on your jeans. Soft sounds coming inside.
You take a peek:
There she was, sitting on the bed. Fingers moving slowly and expertly between the woman's legs. The woman's head is thrown back, eyes closed, lips apart in soft moans; her hips lift, grinding against her thighs.
Her lips on the woman's neck, teeth grazing as her hand moves faster, stroking. Moans from the woman are desperate for more, pulling her closer.
Your skin tingles, your ears are burning as you watch. A live porno, right in front of you, the sound and movement amplified. You are frozen, but burning with desire.
You keep watching, capturing her, eyes closed in pleasure, but when her gaze snaps open and lands on you, the slow, wicked smile that takes over her lips sends shiver down your spine.
Caught.
You don't know what to do, your heart pounds, a flood of desire, jealousy, confusion hits you all at once. You swallow hard and stumble downstairs. Covering your ears since the sound of their intimacy still rings in.
❀-
The next time you pull to the rink to pick her up, there's no teasing your scarf, no light banter. No emotion in her voice. She slips into your car, eye focused straight ahead, lips pressed in a thin line.
You don't ask whats wrong. You don't want to push.
The drive back is silent except for the engine's low hum and the few awkward re light stops. You both sit with a careful distance, the air between you charged but unspoken.
Later that week, Chris's frat house is loud again, another party. This time you find yourself there, pressed close to him in the dim light, his hands on your waist.
But the excitement you expected isn't there.
You do like Chris. You really do. But tonight as you sit beside him in the aftermath, your mind drifts elsewhere. To the cold rink. To her smile. To the fire you saw in her eyes.
You don't say anything. You close your eyes and just try to bury the questions deep inside you.
❀-
You've started to notice something:
The way she hardly ever laughs with Chris and their friends anymore. The way she slips away from the group early. Eyes distance and a bit pissed.
Tonight, when you pull up to the rink after practice, she's waiting outside, tying her sneakers. Her usual confident posture toned down. You smile, trying to keep everything light.
"Hey," you fidget you car keys, "do you mind if we make a quick stop on campus? I need to pick up some photos."
Her brows arches just for a second:
"Yeah," she says after a pause, voice low. "Sounds good."
You both settle into the car, the air between you tense but easier than before. As you drive towards campus, you can feel her relax just a little.
The darkroom is quiet, dimly red, stinking of chemicals and paper. You reach for your envelope of prints, and she watches, curious but quiet.
You hold them carefully, feeling a bit exposed without your camcorder or professional camera between your fingers. Just the results of it.
You clear your throat, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. "Uh, this is where the magic happens."
She smiles, a slow, easy curve of the lips. "Looks like it."
You shuffle your feet, trying to think of something else to say. "I don't come here much. Usually just drop off film and pick up prints."
"So...You come here often?"
She snorts quietly, leaning against the counter; which you deeply want to tell her to not, but you stay silent.
"Not really. Only when I get out of practice early and my ride stops here."
You chuckle softly, glad she didn't laugh at your awkward attempt at humor.
"Yeah, the darkroom's kinda intimidating," you admit. "I-It's like a secret club for people who know how to mix chemicals for pictures."
Her smile curves into something genuine, eyes softer. "You're pretty cute when you're nervous."
Your cheeks heat up, but you keep going, encouraged. "I'm usually better with a camera in my hands than words."
She steps closer, the space between you shrinking in the red light. "Well, I like the sound of your voice. Even if your stumble a bit."
For the first time in weeks, the tension eases. You talk about simple things, her practice, your classes, favorite music, and for a little while, the complicated shit melts away.
She catches your eyes and smirks. "Maybe we should hang out more. Outside the rink...and darkrooms."
You swallow, nodding. "Y-yeah. I'd like that."
❀-
The days after the darkroom visit blur. You start seeing her more, sometimes at the campus cafe between classes, sometimes on empty benches where you share music and talk about everything and nothing. The world outside the rink feels less like a labyrinth when you're with her.
One afternoon, she texts you from practice:
6 P.M
[Her: come skate with me ]
You hesitate. Skating's never been your thing...especially the last time. Sneakers and ice do not mix well, and you'd probably fall flat on your face again.
She has a wide grin and bright eyes full with mischief. You just arrive and she's waiting by the boards...not in uniform, just casual clothes.
"Don't chicken out," she points a finger at you.
You laugh nervously, sitting next to her duffle bag, letting her help you strap on the skates. The cold bites at your cheeks as you wobble onto the ice.
You want your sneakers back.
She's patient, steadying you with gentle touches, teasing you when you stumble.
"Dude, you're not doing bad," she grins, skating around you effortlessly.
Those moments on the ice with laughter, your fingers brushing when she helps you balance. They feel like tiny acts of rebellion against the world you thought you knew.
The world with dull days that slips by, pulling at you.
You're still you. The quiet, easygoing girl who laughs at your boyfriend's jokes, who sits among his friends at parties, who smiles politely at the group chats and group texts where you're expected to play the part.
You notice how natural it all seems for the. Well, of course, the bond of years spent playing the same game is unspoken.
You try--laugh a little louder than usual, nod at conversations you barely follow and remind yourself to 'be fun, be easy, fit in.'
You aren't ignored or pushed out, no one is cruel or outright hostile. Yet, you're aware of the way you stand slightly apart. Like a character in a film, playing the role of the quarterback's girlfriend, a carefully written script you're now supposed to follow.
Some times, when Chris friends joke about "keeping her in line" or tease you about "being the good quiet girl," you smile feels too tight, your heart too heavy. You see the way they expect you to be: meek, shy, loyal, perfect, artsy....And you wonder who you're supposed to be when the night ends and you're alone.
With her...the captain of the women's hockey team: Everything feels different.
You're not pretending. There's not script, no expectations, no roles to play. Just moments stole between car rides, music shared, laughter with no caution.
What scares you the most is that:
...the world you live in is twice as big. One half you as 'Christopher's girl,' and the other, slowly, is beginning to see the real you...the one who skates on ice despite the lack of skill and fear, who listens, who dares to be messy and uncertain.
❀-
You step into her apartment, a small cozy space filled with mismatched furniture and smell of pine cleaner and something warm, maybe cinnamon from a candle burning low on the windowsill. The glow from the city lights filters through the curtains, creating shadows across the room.
She kicks off her shoes but the door, dropping her keys in a bowl on the table. The hum of a playlist murmurs in the background; Slow R&b, maybe. Slow, rhythmic and familiar.
You settle on the couch, your legs curling beneath you, the weight of the day beginning to lift. After a pause, you finally ask, voice gentle and curious:
"Hey...so I've been meaning to ask...why haven't you been hanging out with Christopher and the others lately?"
She looks up from the book in her lap, eyes steady but unreadable. For a moment, she doesn't answer. Then shrugs, voice casual but with hint of something deeper under, "I guess I'm just busy...And I need a break from them."
You nod slowly, sensing there's more she's not saying but not wanting to push. "Yeah?" you say softly.
She gives you a small, a little wry as if amused but the concern. "Nothing personal. Just...sometimes you have to step back to breathe."
You watch her for a moment, the way her shoulder tense ever so slightly, the look in her eyes. You want to ask more, to understand. Instead you reach out, brushing your fingers lightly over hers.
Her gaze drops to your lips and the image freezes. The room holds its breath. Then, without warning, she leans in: purposefully slow. Your heart thunders, caught between shock and desire.
Your lips meet hers, soft at first, testing the waters. The world narrows until there's nothing but the heat of her touch, the wildfire spreading through your body.
Pulling back you both blink, eyes wide.
"Oh no," you whisper, voice trembling. "What about Chris?"
She bites her lip, nodding. "Yeah....him."
But the, as if the question wasn't strong enough to hold you apart, her hand slides behind your neck, finger tangling in your hair.
Before you know it, you're kissing again. More deeper. More wild. Letting the tension and the moment drown out the worries, the guilt.
It's selfish.
It's reckless.
But right now, nothing else matters. Just the taste of her, the way her breathing hitches against yours, the desperation hidden in every touch.
For once, you give yourself permission to be selfish too.
❀-
It starts quietly, almost unknown at first.
On rare occasions when she's around everyone, a brush of her fingers lingers yours when she passes you a drink at Chris's place. The heat of her thigh pressing against yours on a too crowded couch. Her gaze lingering a breath too long across the table, the corner of her mouth lifting in the smallest, most troubling smile.
You tell yourself no one notices. You PRAY no one notices.
When she texts:
9:30 p.m.
[ her: come over ]
You go. Slipping into her apartment feels like stepping into another life. The one where you're not the QB's quiet girlfriend, where the rules don't apply, where she's the only thing you have to answer to. Where she looks at you like you're not a quiet character playing any role in a film.
In public, it's stolen glances, her eyes meeting your across a room full of people, saying more in a second than anyone else could in an hour.
In private, it's her lips on yours before the door has even closed. The way she kisses you like she's memorizing you, like each time could be the last.
Between the touches, the gasps, the whispers pressed against your warm skin, there's something else growing: a knowing. She learns the way you stir your tea without looking. You learn the way she taps her pen twice before making a decision. She tells you about the first time she stepped onto the ice as a kid, hands trembling. You tell her how sometimes you feel like you're playing someone's role, and prefer to capture, rather than BE captured.
She always listens.
And you realize that somewhere in the middle of the lust and the danger, you're also building something you don't have words for yet.
But whenever Chris arms slides around your shoulders in front of everyone, you feel her eyes on you and you know she's thinking the same thing you are: that this can't last, but you're not ready to stop what you've just started.
❀-
You've never driven this far out of the city with her before, and the windy road seems to whisper it's own secrecy. She's got one hand on the whee, the other tapping along to some playlist you've been passing back and forth for weeks. Her sunglasses pushing her hair back, that lazy smile tugging at her mouth every time she glances at you.
Before you left, you smooth your dress (the burgundy one you bought right after she asked you out). You pretend you didn't spend extra time trying to tie the ribbon perfectly on your hair. But when she caught sight of you at the curb, her quiet whistle made your cheeks warm instantly.
The air is crisp and sweet, like cold water, except it wasn't cold. Her hand takes your hand and walks with you. She spreads the blanket out on a sunny patch of grass overlooking the drop: a view that goes on for miles, all rolling hills and valleys.
"You're spoiled," she says, opening the picnic basket she packed herself. "Not everyone gets the deluxe treatment."
You laugh, pulling your camcorder from your tote. "Gotta get this on record. Future gens need to know about the legendary hockey captain who makes a decent sandwich."
She grins and leans towards the camera. Her face taking up the who frame, blocking the view with her face. "Tell the people I'm amazing."
"I'm not lying on film."
She gasps, fake offended, and tosses a grape at you. It misses rolling into the grass, and she shakes her head. "Waste of a good grape, especially in this economy."
You film little snippets: between bites of food, her pretending to fall off the blanket for dramatic effect, her grabbing the camera talking into it, shielding her eyes from the sun like an explorer spotting civilization. She grabs your camera at one point and turns it on you. You blush.
"The talented film maker, behind the scenes." She stands up, looking at you through thew viewfinder. "Dark red dress, mountain background," she narrates. "The most beautiful view here, hand down."
You duck your head, smiling into your lap, but you cant hide the way your heart beating too fast.
When the food's gone, you both lie back on the blanket, the sun warm on your faces, fingers brushing in the grass. She turns her head toward you, her voice soft.
"Thanks for coming with me."
You glance at her, her expression is almost shy. "You didn't really give me a choice."
"Yeah..." she says, a slow smile spreading. "But you said yes."
The camcorder sits between you, still recording the mountain breeze and the sounds of your quiet laughter.
After laughing and bantering for a while, you raise the camera and kneel on the blanket. Capturing her frame against the skyline. The wind tugging your and her hair.
You think to yourself, you've never seen her look so unguarded.
She shifts, lowering her sunglasses, gaze steady on you, "You always filming me," she says half teasing.
"It's for...memories," you murmur, pressing the shutter again.
Her smirk deepens. "Memories, huh?" She sits up, leaning toward you until her shadow falls across your lap. Her finger trail over the edge of the camera, then gently push it down. "Or maybe you're into something else."
"What?" you furrow your brows.
"Voyeurism." The word floats, thick and slow. "You film everything...and---" her stops to sharpen her smile,"--that one time, you peeked at me with that girl."
Your cheeks flare hot instantly, like she's just reached inside your brain and projected the memory into display. "I...that wasn't---."
"Wasn't what?" she interrupts, leaning in so her breath brushes your ear. "Wasn't you watching me? Watching her?"
The world flips a bit: sky too blue, the grass too her, she's too close.
"You liked it," say says, matter of fact. "You still think about it?"
You swallow your meekness turnt ten percent. You can't lie. "...S-some times."
her eyes narrow, darken, like you've given her permission without meaning to. She pushes the camera fully aside, her hand coming up to cup your jaw, tilting your face towards her. The first kiss is deep, un hurried. Something thicker, heavier, fed by the openness of the mountain...nothing compared to the frantic stolen moments in her apartment.
When she pulls back just enough to speak, her thumb brushes your lower lip. "Then watch me now."
You look around, completely isolated. Looking at the birds as if they have cameras: "O-out here?"
She grins, wicked: "Out here."
Her gaze lowers to your mouth. "You've been filming me all day," she murmurs, thumb brushing your lip. "Guess it's only fair I give you something worth watching."
Before you can ask, she shifts her weight, lowering you gently onto the blanket. The burgundy dress rides up your thighs, the fabric tickles against your skin. You glance towards your camcorder on the grass. It's aimed towards you, the tiny red light winking. You didn't turn it off.
Your pulse skips. "Wait it's still--"
"I know," she answers, smirk curving her lips. "Now be good and let me see you."
She kneels between your legs: running her hands up your calves, slow, like she's savoring the path. The drag of her fingertips over your skin sends shivers straight down. She pushes the dress higher, bunching it at your waist until your panties are the only thing between her and the wetness.
Her eyes lock with yours as she hooks her fingers into the waistband and pulls them down. The cool air hits your bare skin, and feel yours clench around nothing.
She settles on her stomach, her hands sliding up to separate apart your thighs. She blows over you, teasing: "Pretty," she whispers like it's a secret just for her.
The her is on you, one long, slow lick from your entrance to your clit. Your back arches instantly, she hums at your reaction, mouth already moving with purpose. Dragging over you in deliberately, patterned strokes.
The blanket rustles under you as your hips twitch. You scoot back a bit, your legs threaten to close, but she's firm one arm curling over your stomach to hold you still. "Stay," she says softly against your skin, the word vibrating through you.
Your fingers find her hair, clutching without thinking as her mouth works you, her tongue circling, pressing, flicking just enough to make your toes curl under you ruffle ankle socks. Every so often, she pulls back to watch you. lips coated with you, pupils blown wide.
Her eyes are lenses, you're in front of the camera now;
"You like when I look at you?" she asks, and you can only whimper in answer.
Her kisses your thigh and dives back in, her focus narrowing until the world is just wet warmness of her mouth and the mountain breeze against your flushed skin. She sucks your clit gently, then harder, just enough pressure to your thighs tremble.
The camera is still rolling. You can't stop thinking about it, about you seeing it later. That thought pushes you closer, faster.
She feels it, the way your muscles tense, and she doesn't stop. Her tongue moves faster, her arm pressing you down when your hips jerks. Your breath turns ragged, breaking into high desperate moans, until you shatter beneath her. The pleasure crashing through you and you can't stop.
She stays there through it all, licking you through the aftershocks until you're trembling and over sensitive, pushing weakly at her shoulder.
When she finally crawls up next to you, her lips shin and her smile is almost smug. She kisses you, letting you taste yourself on her tongue.
"Now that," she says, brushing your hair from your face, "...is worth filming."
❀-
You're behind the camera, adjusting focus for your short film project, trying to lose yourself in the world you're creating. The studio is dusty, sunlight filters through tall windows. The projectors fills the room with it's buzz.
Actors move into place, reciting lines with a big degree of conviction, and you stay focused on capturing every detail. From the hallway, voices enter, light, giggly, gossipy. You pause, lens half raised, and your eyes catch movement outside the frame.
Two girls from the drama department are chatting, waiting for their turn to audition. Their conversation is careless, loud enough to catch your attention.
"I swear, I'm gonna get with her no matter what it takes," one says, voice full of pride.
"Who?" the second girl asks.
"You know her! She's the hockey captain, I heard she's into girls."
The second girl giggles, biting her lip. "Oh yeah. But she's kinda selective though. Turned me down last week. Can you believe it?"
Your heart beats when you hear her name.
They don't notice you watching from the shadows, heavy camera forgotten in your hands.
"She's like, the hottest thing on campus...when it comes to girls," the first girl continues. "Last year, everyone seemed to get a piece. Everyone still wants a piece. But nah, she's holding out for someone better, I guess."
You tuck the camera under your arm and step back, letting the girls pass by, their laughter ringing sharp and careless.
Your chest tightens with something you can't name: protectiveness, jealously, fear? Because out here, away from the rink and the mountain.
Her world is a spotlight...same with Chris; and you are just trying to stay behind the scenes.
Later that night you sit on your desk. Your computer breathing gently, the camcorder sitting next to you. Tonight, you're determined to clear space, move footage onto your USB, keep things organized.
Clicking through files, thumbnails flicker past: candid shots of friends, a few practice pictures, anything really. Then one file catches your eyes, a timestamp from the mountain picnic a few days ago. All the thumbnails were similar from that day...but this video wasn't one minute long or a few seconds. You hesitate, heart already pounding.
You double click. The screen flickers to life.
The footage's not perfectly focused (which triggers your perfectionist side a bit), but the sound are unmistakable: your breath stuttering, the soft drag of fabric, the faint rustle of grass. You see yourself, hip shifting, the curve of your dress riding up and her hands moving over you, gentle but sure.
You feel shame. From neck up, heat floods.
Your phone buzzed a few minutes ago, a message from your boyfriend.
10:00 P.M.
[Christopher: Hey, just checking in. How's your night?]
Your fingers tremble. the world narrows to just that notification and you're shaking in guilt. Without thinking, you press pause, then tap the delete icon. The file disappears with a quick confirmation beep. You breathe out slowly, the room suddenly too silent, too still.
The memory lingers: a secret kept safe for now, but at what cost?
❀-
They days blur between your film project and Christopher's training schedule. When you're not behind the camera, you're usually in the editing room, headphones on, fingers stiff from cutting up clips. When he's not in class, he's on the field, running drills in the heat until his shirt is plastered to his back.
You try to keep in touch.
TRY
Quick texts between takes. A couple of voice messages before bed. The occasional lunch squeezed into both your calendars. It's not that either of you stopping caring, you just keep missing each other in the gaps.
Sometimes you watch the three dots of him typing, only for the message to disappear. Sometimes you do the same.
When you do talk, it's fine. Comfortable, but there's a subtle disconnection under everything.
The evening starts with a gentle hum of excitement beneath you skin as Chris pulls up to the fancy restaurant in a black car that gleams under the streetlights. The city feels different tonight: softer, wrapped in warm glows from the street lamps lining the sidewalk.
He steps out first, opening your door with a smile that reaches his eyes. "Ready?" he asks, voice low and easy.
You nod, smoothing your well tailored trousers, feeling a mix of nerves and something else, anticipation, maybe. The inside of the restaurant is even more beautiful than you expected: deep mahogany tables, candlelights casting shadows on the walls, the faint clink of cutlery and glasses, murmurs of other couples.
Christopher guides you to a table by the window, where the city lights extend out like a glittery blanket beneath you. The waiter arrives swiftly, and as menus are passed. You catch Chris's gaze, warm, attentive like you're the only person in the room.
Conversation flows easily at first, stories from his football season, your film project, the silly things that makes you laugh. You sip your wine carefully, feeling (guilty), lightheaded but good caught up in the moment.
After dinner, Chris suggests a walk. You stroll through quiet streets, hands brushing until he finally slides his fingers into yours.
Eventually, he takes you back to his place: the frat house. You get the familiar greeting as you step inside. The house is surprisingly quiet for a weekend. Nonethless, it was still a world away from the intimacy of the restaurant.
He pulls you aside, into an even quieter room. His hands find you waist, fingers tracing slow patterns on your skin. His eyes search yours, asking without words.
He starts to kiss you, and touch you softly. You kiss back but feel your stomach drop. Your eyes are open while his are closed. He pushed you down gently on the bed, getting on top of you.
Your heart races, but you pull back slightly, voice soft but firm. "Chris...I need to tell you something."
He nods, concern flashes across his face.
"I'm...I'm a virgin."
"I don't wanna rush anything. Especially not with you..." The words were fragile and heavy. "O-or anyone really..." you added quickly.
His expressions mix: surprise, maybe a little hesitation, but the softens returns.
"That's okay," he says quietly. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."
You breathe out, relief washing over you.
He leans in to kiss you, slow and gentle, like he's thanking you for trusting him.
And you feel sick to your stomach. Not because you were lying, no you truly are a virgin...But because you didn't want to have sex with him.
❀-
Coffee is being sold by the vendor across the street. The park smells of wet leaves. You adjust the camcorder strap on your shoulder, the tripod digging into your other stand. Your classmates: Kevin and Maia are already fussing over their notes. They hover near the actors discussing angles in loud, confident voices. They're not unkind, but they speak over you without realizing, their words moving fast enough to leave no space for yours.
"I think if we start with the wide shot here..." you start. Your voice careful, but Maia is already mid sentence, pointing toward the far bench.
You go quiet again, the suggestion just drifting in the air. You've been on sets like this before, where you're not exactly unwanted, just overlooked.
She's leaning against a lamppost a few feet away, sunglasses hiding her eyes, hands in her varsity jackets pockets. Watching. You'd invited her to see the scene come together, one hand is because of pride, the other is wanting her near you.
Kevin laughs at something Maia says, then waves at you to start recording. You obey, slipping behind the lens, framing the shot just right despite them not listening.
You focus on the viewfinder, doing your job, keeping your voice even when you ask the actors to shift a little to the left.
You're halfway through another take when Kevin starts giving the actor advice you already explained earlier WORD FOR WORD, except now its HIS IDEA.
From the corner of your eye, you catch the smallest movement. She was now sitting on a bench...well she was until she stands and take sone step forward.
"I think she already suggested that," she says lightly, nodding towards you.
Kevin blinks, then looks at you like he's only just remembered you're here. "Oh. Yeah. Right. Good call."
It's not much but it settles everything.
Later when the others are rearranging props, she leans in so only you can hear. "You've got a good eye," she murmurs. "You need to stand up for yourself." Her tone is the softest you've ever heard it. The kind of soft tone that makes your chest ache.
"I mean it's fine..." you shrug, eyes on your camera.
"No it's not," it didn't feel like scolding, her tone. was the same. "You're one with the best talent here. Don't let them forget that." You two still kept a safe distance that can be interpreted as friendship.
You nod, not sure you can do it, but when Maia starts rearranging the actors again, you find yourself stepping in (a little hesitate).
"Wait...the light's not right," you say, louder than you thought possible. "If we move them two steps to the left, we can actually still catch it."
They pause, exchange a glance and an agreeing shrug. They actually do it.
You look at her shyly and smile. She smiles back from the sidelines, small but it's all for you.
You film until the sky goes deep blue and your breath fogs in the air. The last scene plays, and you know...you KNOW, it's exactly how you pictured it; and wanted it this morning.
❀-
The bass hits you before you even step inside. It's the kind of beat that you can literally feel in your bones, vibrates up through the sole of your shoes. Neon lights flicker across the dancer in flashes of pink and bright blue.
You're walking between Chris and her, the heat of too many bodies pressed close already makes you overwhelmed. Christ has one arm loosely around your waist as you all squeeze through to the V.I.P section the guys managed to sang. A semi circle booth hidden away just enough to breathe properly.
Chris stays comfortably around your you as your group talks a bit. She slides into the seat across from you, dark wide jeans ripped at the knees, a fitted black shirt clinging to her braless frame. Her hair's a little messy, damp at the ends like she'd just showered after practice and pulled up here.
She looks unfairly good.
The whole crew is here. Drinks clinks against the table, laughter shouts over the music, and with in minutes, people are scattering towards the dance floor or. the bar.
Everyone notice it right away: the absence..difference.
Normally, she disappears in places like this. The life of the night. She's the one who was the main character of the stories you've heard about. Dancing with strangers, kissing girls under flashing strobe lights, vanishing for twenty minutes to return with lipstick smudged and a smug grin.
But tonight? She stays in the booth, one arm draped casually over the back of the seat, eyes scanning the crowd but not lingering on anyone. There's no calculated seduction in her posture, no hungry searching for a hookup.
One of their friends, Quinn leans across the table towards her, grinning. "Not gonna pick out your victim for the night?" she teases over the thumping music.
She smirks, lifting her glass for a sip. "Not feeling it," she says simply.
Less than 15 minutes later when Chris and another male friend return with more drinks, they slide in and their eyes are wide.
"Yo, you're actually just sitting?" Mason (the friend distributing the drinks) calls over the music laughing. "Did hell freeze or something?"
She rolls her eyes, shrugging. "Guess, I'm sustaining myself."
"Sustaining yourself?" another chimes in, mock shock in his face. "Since when do you not leave the club with someone?"
They all exchange looks of surprise and curiosity. Then laughter around the table, but she just sips away. Her eyes flicking to yours for the briefest moment. You feel it like electricity on your fingertips, a spark that has nothing to do with the alcohol.
Chris doesn't seem to notice the exchange, leaning in to ask if you want a drink. You nod, giving him your order. Your gaze, on the other hand, strays back to her.
They all eventually let it drop.
As the night wears on, people dance, drink disappear, and the booth empties and fills and empties. She gets up to go to the bar only at first. You get up a few times, once because one of their girl friends dragged you on the dance floor; another time you got up yourself to stretch your legs.
She never moves toward the dance floor with anyone who isn't in your group. When someone: a tall girl in a sparkling top leans over to ask if she wants to dance, she smiles politely but shakes her head.
You catch the way Mason's eyebrow rise, curiosity all over his face... "Damn, you're for real on a dry streak, eh?" Mason nudges your shoulder, it was only you three on the booth.
"Maybe I'm just not into random girls tonight," she so smooth, not breaking eye contact with you. Your cheeks heat and you're grateful for the cover of the dim lights.
You stand up a couple of minutes later. To the restroom, that is warmer than it should be, thick with the smell of vanilla body spray and hookah. The music from the club outside is muffled, just a dull, persistent beat under the chatter of women fixing themselves and hyping each other up.
You look look the women in the mirror, adjusting their dresses. You're not used to wearing something like this, like the woman: short, dark, revealing, clings in ways you're still not sure you can pull off. Deep neckline showing just enough skin to make you hyperaware of every glance in your direction.
But you have to admit to yourself, you looked good. You check yourself out through the mirror.
You look right besides you. She was there, you kew it. She close enough that her arm brushes your, catch the faint smell of her cologne beneath the smell of the restroom.
She's checking you out through the mirror.
You knew, she knew, you looked good, since the tie you first entered the club and her gaze dropped, smiling like she wanted to say something.
Her hand ghosts against the small of your back like she's guiding you. Then she tilts her head toward the far end, "C'mon."
You don't think, just follow. The stall door clicks shut behind you, and the air feels instantly closer. The bass shakes the stall faintly. She's leaning back against the door eyes dropping briefly to curve of your dress before meeting yours again. The space between you is almost nonexistent.
"Well," she murmurs, glancing around, "at least it's not one of those horror movies bathrooms." Her smirk is lazy, teasing, but there's an undertone in her voice that makes your stomach twist.
You giggle and look around the stall. It was surprisingly cleaner than expected, no suspicious puddles or toilet paper stuck to the floor.
Before you can think of something clever to say, she leans in and kisses you. Lips are warm, tasting like the cocktail she had earlier, and then the kiss depends, her hand cupping the back of your neck.
You've kissed her before, of-fucking-course, but here in this tiny stall, with stranger just feet away, it feels hotter, heavier.
Without thinking, you press forward, your hands finding her hips. You let your hands slip lower, fingers brushing over the front of her jeans. You feel her gasp just slightly against your mouth as you put pressure.
You've been with girls before...kinda...a handful; yet you were still not as experienced... and none of those girls were like her. Your palm presses more firmly, rubbing slow over the denim. She groans, the sound vibrating against your lips.
"You tryna start somethin' here, princess?" she murmurs, her voice husky and quiet.
You explain yourself in stutters. "I dunno what ...I mean I do but....you know I'm not sure how...ugh."
She smiles and leans closer, her warm hands from your body down to the waistband of her jeans. With a slow, deliberate pull, she unbuttons and lowers them just enough to reveal the curve of her hip and the edge of her black underwear.
Her fingers find yours, guiding your hand down until your palm brushes over her underwear. "I'll teach you," you can feel the outline of her through the thin fabric.
"Here," she whispers, low and teasing. You trace the line, your other hand grazes the soft curve of her hip. She sighs softly, encouraging you, finger tighten around yours to lead the movement.
She takes your finger, feeling the subtle swell. She shifts slightly, pulling her underwear to her side, just enough to expose more skin.
"Now...keep the pace...y'know gentle," she instructs softly, "...use your fingers to find my clit." You blush, hesitate, but then move as she guides them, brushing and circling the sensitiveness with increasing confidence.
She's warm and wet, and your head is spinning. You glance towards the door of the stall, as if it's going to open wide and expose you both. You with your hands in her pants and her fingers around your wrist.
"Relax. Just...follow me." She is patient with you.
"Right here?" you question. Your fingers are being guided so your index and middle finger slide along her folds.
"Slow...don't rush," she whispers. You slide inside her, shallow at first, feeling the tight warmth around you.
Her hips shift forward. "Two finger...yeah, that's it baby. Keep them together..." her own finger press you closer, making you feel the slipperiness.
"Curl your fingers a little...mhm, right there." Her voice is barely a whisper, laced with encouragement and want.
Her fingers move with more certainty now, curling just as she guided. The wet warmth around you deepens, every slight motion sending shivers up your arm. She breathes out a low moan, her shivers vibrating against your wrist.
Her hips press harder against your hand, grinding slowly in time with your touch. You feel the slipperiness spread beneath your fingers, your nerves melting away under the weight of her want and trust. Her other hand slips around your neck, fingers weaving through your hair, pulling you closer in a gentle yet insistent grip.
The small space makes everything feel bigger: the soft moans she lets slip, your own uneven breathing. The risk of being caught, the closeness, the secrecy makes your pulse go faster, the adrenaline taking over your body.
You trace your fingers inside her, finding the spots that make her hips jerk and her breathing hitch. "You're doing so good," she murmurs.
She shifts, grinding harder now, guiding your hand with hers; both teaching and needing. You can hear your heart beating, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment and the softness of her skin beneath your touch.
"You feel good." You rest your forehead against hers.
"God, YOU feel so good," she whispers, voice breaking.
You lean in, your lips brushing hers in a slow, feral kiss. Tongues swirl, teeth nibble lightly, and you lose yourself in the softness of her mouth.
Her hands tighten around your wrists gently, pulling your fingers just a little deeper, and she shivers, a quiet, desperate sound escaping her lips.
She clenches around your fingers, a soft gasp breaking past her lips as her body jerks once, twice, then melts against you. Her thighs tremble, her nails digging lightly into your arm as she rides it out, pressing her forehead into your shoulder. You can feel her heartbeat pounding against your chest.
Slowly, her breathing evens out. She pulls back just enough to meet your eyes, and there’s that slow, almost cocky curve to her mouth. She takes your hand, guiding it gently away from her, and you watch as she pulls a tissue from the dispenser to wipe herself. Then with deliberate care, takes another to clean your fingers. She flushes the tissues away, smoothing down her top as if the past few minutes never happened.
You're still, eyes a bit widen, lips ajar, head spinning. She looks at you with an unreadable expression before she smirks softly and says, "Give it a minute, then come out." She slips out the stall, disappears.
When you finally push out of the bathroom and squeeze through the dance floor, the table comes into view.
Chris is there, leaning back in his seat, that big smile breaking across his face when he spots you. He pulls you into his side and presses a kiss to your lips. And you let him, your head STILL spinning from the bathroom.
But before you can even think, a shadow falls over the table. You look up and there she is.
Her
Hair a little messy, (your) lipstick smudge faintly at the corners, jeans unbuttoned like she barely bothered to fix them before walking back. Her gaze briefly focuses from you to Chris, slow and a bit bothered. She nonchalantly drops into a seat like nothing’s out of place. Like you two weren’t just in the bathroom stall touching each other.
Mason lets out a knowing laugh, shaking his head. “Knew you couldn’t help yourself,” he say. The others laugh in agreement, glancing at her with a mix of teasing and admiration.
She just smirks, leaning back in her chair, eyes locked on you in a way that makes your skin burn. The whole table might as well not exist.
❀-
No matter how busy things get, you can feel the change more and more.
Chris and her still hang out…kinda, it’s not the same. Their usual easy banter has become into awkward silences and clipped exchanges. Where they used to shove each other in the hallway and laugh about it, now they just exchange nods, like strangers with history.
It’s not about you (you know that much). There’s something else under the surface. Something they’re not saying. And it’s making everything more fragile.
You notice it most when you’re with her. She’s always been intense, but lately, there’s an edge to her attention: the way her gaze lingers too long, the way her hands fist when Chris joins the group and you’re still standing beside her. She doesn’t touch you in public, doesn’t give herself away, but she’s there. Always close enough that you can feel her body warmth.
Once, during a movie night at the frat house, you slide onto the couch next to Chris, and before you can even get comfortable, she’s settling into the other side of you. Her arm drapes casually along the back of the couch, her fingers brushing the top of your shoulder as she reaches for the popcorn. She’s looking at the T.V, but you know she’s watching Chris in her periphery.
Chris, for his part, seems… tired. Distracted. His laughs don’t come as easily anymore, and when his eyes go towards her, there’s no warmth there, just something unreadable, maybe even resentful.
The tension between them sits heavily THICK. And even though you try to pretend you’re not caught in the middle, you can feel it. Your arms being pulled in both directions, the way she watches you like she’s daring you to move closer, the way Chris hesitates like he’s already lost something.
One evening:
Chris is sprawled on your couch, his shoes off, tapping the heel of one socked foot against the cushion like he’s burning off energy. The late afternoon light slants through the blinds, making his face shadow gold stripes.
You’re sitting cross legged on the other end of the couch, your laptop open on your knees, pretending to focus on your editing software while he talks.
“I don’t get her sometimes,” he says, leaning his head back against the cushion. “We’ve known each other forever, right? And it’s always been like…” He waves a hand between you, like the gesture will find the word for him. “…like we’re siblings, in a messed-up, competitive way. We fight, we make up, we try to outdo each other. It’s… whatever. That’s just us.”
You hum in acknowledgment, eyes flicking toward him over the edge of your screen.
“But lately…” he sits forward, elbows on his knees, the movement sharp with frustration. “She’s different. I don’t know if she’s pissed at me, or just… pulling away. And I don’t know why. I feel like she’s just… shutting me out.”
You close the laptop a little, giving him more attention. “Maybe it’s not about you,” you suggest, careful with your tone. Inside guiltless fills.
Chris huffs. “It’s always about me and her. That’s the problem. We can’t just…” He breaks off, shaking his head. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. You probably think we’re both idiots.”
You let out a soft laugh. “A little.”
That earns you a half-smile, but it doesn’t last long. He leans back again, rubbing a hand over his face. “I just… I don’t want to lose that. She’s like…”
He pauses, searching for the right word again. “She’s like my other half in a totally non-romantic, totally ‘I’d push her into a pool’ kind of way. And I don’t know what I did to make her act like this.”
You want to tell him that you’ve seen the way she looks at you. That whatever’s happening between them might not have anything to do with sibling rivalry and everything to do with the things you and she don’t talk about. But instead, you just nod, murmuring something vague about how maybe they just need time.
Chris sighs, sinking deeper into the couch, but you can feel his eyes on you for a moment before he finally looks away.
4 days later
You’re lying shoulder to shoulder on your bed, your phone propped up between you and her as some weird ass YouTube video plays: a guy attempting to do life hacks. The sound is tinny from the speaker, the glow of the screen bouncing off the ceiling.
She is half watching, half tracing absentminded shapes along the back of your hand with the pad of her thumb. Every now and then she laughs under her breath, not quite in sync with the video, like her mind is elsewhere.
A notification banner slides down from the top of your phone screen.
6:26 P.M.
[Christopher: You free tomorrow? Practice got cancelled.]
You feel her thumb still against your skin. She glances at the text without saying anything at first, but her jaw tenses.
You swipe the notification away, pressing play again on the video, but she’s not looking at the screen anymore.
“I hate that guy sometimes,” she says finally, the words low and flat.
You glance at her. “The YouTuber?”
She doesn’t answer.
“oh…..Chris…”
She doesn’t look at you, her eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “Yea. Is like… no matter what I do, I’m always second to him in someone’s eyes…in everyones!” She gives a short, humorless laugh.
“Hell, even my own parents liked him better when we were kids. He was the golden boy. Football, good grades, charm cranked up to eleven. Everyone loved…loveshim.”
You shift slightly so you’re facing her more, but you don’t interrupt.
“And I thought I didn’t care. Like, whatever! He can have his spotlight, I’ll do my thing. But it’s different with you.” She finally looks at you, eyes with emotion even in the dim light. “With you, it’s like… I can feel it. Everytime he’s around. Everytime he texts you. I’m… there, but I’m not first. Not the way I want to be.”
Your breath hitches. You’re not sure if she’s accusing you or just spilling something she’s been holding onto.
She notices the hesitation in your face and smirks faintly, though it doesn’t reach her eyes.”Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you. I just…” She shrugs, but her grip on your hand tightens. “I don’t like feeling like the understudy in my own damn life.”
The video on your phone continues in the background, a burst of laughter from the YouTuber, but neither of you are watching anymore.
Here’s Part Two
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A/N: I had to break it into two parts. Already written the full thing and once I was on my Google docs and realized how long it was. Whew! I just wanted to say this one THIS ONE took long. Had to be my longest. Started August 10th @ 5pm. Ended August 18 @ 10am. Important note: main character isn’t meant to be a good person, none of the characters really.
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Tags <3 also tysm for all the support & the reblogs.
can you write about like an quiet, introverted, kinda nerdy girl and a popular social butterfly girl. they have known each other since like elementary school. but the popular girl is always about boys and boys and the quiet one is into girls ( she hasn't come out yet). and also quiet one is like really socially awkward and a loser and her classmates are wondering why the other girl is even friends with her (you get what i'm sayying right?) (and also the popular girl is kinda mean on the outside but actually a softie) i mean i know it's such a cliche trope but i would reallly like if you can write about it. i've read all your fics. they are really really perfect. anyway i hope you all the best girl .
Hello! I just wanted to start by thanking you for the reques. I appreciate it so much. 💕 this makes me so happy and i really do hope you enjoy.
I wasn’t sure if you want the ‘Reader’ to be the popular girl or the quiet one, so I made her the popular girl. If anything, I can write another short story with the roles reversed. I had so much fun. It wasn't supposed to be THIS LONG! but ugh this trope is soo cute. Sending you kissed and hugs xx 😘
Imagine #24: "We all need somebody that makes the Earth feel heavenly. Maybe I'll be that somebody cause you're that someone to me.
˚。⋆୨ʚɞ୧⋆˚。⋆Sunshine & Rain - kali uchis⋆˚。⋆୨ʚɞ୧⋆ ˚。
(Best Friends to Lovers - Senior Year AU - PopularMeanGirl!Reader - Slow Burn - Insert female interest - Coming of Age - Heavy Fluff - Slight Angsty - Reader has boyfriends - Implicit girl on girl sex - One shot - added background characters - 11.7k words)
4th Grade:
It was simple. Mrs. Smith has everyone lines up: boy-girl-boy-girl so that no one would get “distracted." But there were too many girls and not enough boys. Which meant two unlucky girls would get stuck together.
The unlucky ones being you and her.
She was already staring at the ground when Mrs. Smith announced it. Big round glasses slipping down her nose, her hair done as if someone forced her to have it that way, a loose braid. She didn't look thrilled.
You weren't exactly thrilled either.
She was the quietest girl in class; the one who reads at recess and never raised her hand unless she knew she was 110% sure. You were more of a "running around bossing classmates and trying to make everyone laugh" kind of girl.
But rules were rules, and Mrs. Smith was making everyone have a "guardian buddy" for safety.
"You have to hold hands," Mrs. Smith said. "So you don't get lost."
Her face went pink immediately. "Do we...really have to?" she mumbled, barely audible.
"Yes," Mrs. Smith said in her teacher voice. "And you need to keep an eye on each other."
You sighed dramatically for show (obviously) and grabbed her hand before she could argue. It was small and warm and she flinched like your fingers zapped her with electricity.
Which you probably did since less than a minute ago, you were both in your socks running on the class rug.
The bus ride was loud. You spent most of it kneeling on your seat to talk to your other friends, but every so often you'd glance at her. She just looked out the window like she wanted to disappear.
When you got to the Botanical Garden, you were supposed to follow the laminated map and find five specific plants for the worksheet in your packet.
You of course, decided that was boring.
"Lets go to the butterfly room first," you said.
"That's not on the list," her voice was quiet.
"Yeahhh...but it's cool!"
"We are supposed to--"
"Come ON. We are not gonna get in trouble. I'll make sure of it."
Her brows furrowed, but she followed anyway. Joined hands swinging between you. The butterfly room was humid and bright, sweet hums of wings fluttering. You smiled at the Butterfly Keeper, then ran ahead to try and get one to land on you, while she stood still in the middle of the path, eyes wide.
"It's on your hair," you whispered when you noticed one perched there.
She immediately tried to reach for it, but you stopped her. "No...don't move." You grinned. "You look....magical right now. Like a Butterfly Queen."
"It's an 'Apatura Iris," the Butterfly Keeper added.
Her face went pink again, and she ducked her head, mumbling something you couldn't hear.
Later, when Mrs. Smith gathered everyone at the exit, she called out, "Who got all five plants?" You and she didn't raise your hands. You'd spent most of the time in the butterfly room and the pond area, tossing pebbles and talking about which cartoons were worth watching.
"We searched everywhere...we couldn't find it," you held her hand, as if you were protecting her from whatever consequences could occur.
The laminated paper had very - very specific directions that anyone could solve. But, Mrs. Smith sighed and didn't scold you. She just reminded everyone to thank their buddy for keeping them safe.
You gave her a dramatic bow. "Thanks for not letting me get kidnapped."
And for the first time that day, she smiled. It was small, but it made you wonder what else you could do to see it again.
ʚїɞ
Some claim that middle school is the worst era of anyone's life, yet the most eye opening one. Between fourth grade and high school, you experienced metamorphosis.
You learned how to do your make up. How to dress. How to make people pay attention when you spoke. You were the topic of what people gossiped behind open lockers. You weren't just known, you were LOUDLY known. The girl who never backed down, who always had a comeback strong enough to leave people crying.
She grew up too, but in a different way. She still wore glasses (sometimes), they now fit her face structure. The forced hairstyles were a no more, "goodbye loose braid, hello...disheveled look?" Traded in the school library books for comics that were nearly disintegrating, and thick novels. She stayed reserved, hovering around the corners of every room like she was waiting for permission to exist there.
But you noticed, in ways no one else seemed to. That her jaw had gotten sharper, her fingers longs--hands bigger. Her smile rarer but better when it showed.
You’d catch boys glancing at her sometimes, then looking away when they realized she wasn’t exactly...approachable.
It's not like boys didn't look at you. Hell, you even looked back. You went through crushes the way other people went through pack of gum: loud, fast, and never satisfying.
Boys, boys, boys.
They were fun to flirt with and easy to dump. Yet somehow, none of them ever stuck. They were missing something you couldn’t name.
The two of you? Stayed best friends. Since that field trip, you just couldn't let go of her hand.
"You two were close...too close," some people said. Not in a romantic way (at least not one you'd admit to). But in a way that made it hard to imagine where you ended and she began. You were her ride home when she forgot the bus. She was the person you texted first when you got bored at a party. She knew which brand of chapstick you kept in your bag. You knew which side of the bed she always slept on.
It was easy--familiar. A little bit too familiar.
The gap between how people saw you? Grew wider.
She was "that quiet girl," the one who got called weird behind her back. You were the "untouchable" one, the one who could walk into a room and turn the whole thing your way. People didn't get why you were friends. They'd ask. Sometimes, they'd push it.
And sometimes, they were dumb enough to push in front of you.
Like freshman year, when a random junior made the mistake of grabbing one of her comics out of her hands in the hallway and flipping through it like it was a joke. You were there before she could even react.
"Give it back," you'd said, your voice slow...firm.
He smirked. "Relax, princess. Didn’t know you were into nerdy shit."
"I’m not," you said, stepping in close enough to make him flinch, "but I am into fucking you up, so maybe give it back before you find out."
He shoved it into her chest and slipped away.
You turned to her. "You okay?"
She was looking at you like she didn’t know whether to thank you or scold you. "You’re going to get in trouble one day," she murmured.
"Worth it," you puckered you lips, smiled, and meant it.
A "mean girl," that was just who you were. To the people who deserved it though. You had a reputation for putting bullies in their place, which only made people want to stay on your good side.
ʚїɞ
You were lying across it in one of her oversized t-shirts, scrolling through your phone while she sat cross legged on the floor, flipping through a science magazine.
It was a Friday night, sophomore year, the kind of night you’d usually spend at a party. But she’d asked you to come over, and you never said no to her.
You dropped your phone onto the matters and stretched until your back popped. "Gosh, I’m hella bored. Let’s play something."
She gave you that patient look she always gave when you interrupted her reading. "Aha, like what?"
"I dunno...truth or dare?"
She rolled her eyes. "We are not twelve."
"Fine!" you let out a dramatic sigh. "Then imma go through your things."
"You're not--" she started, but you were already sliding off the bed to poke at the stack of comics by her desk.
"You've read all these, right?" you asked, flipping one open.
"Mhm, obviously," she didn't look up.
You crouched down, following the line of books to the floor, where a small cardboard box sat pushed halfway under the bed.
The lid wasn’t on all the way.
"What's in here?" you asked, reaching for it.
"Nothing!" she said too fast. You'd already pulled it into the light.
The first shiny cover stopped you: a blonde woman in red lipstick and lace, her shy smile alluring to the camera. It wasn't a comic, nor a novel. Not even close.
"My god." You grinned before your could help it. "Are these--"
She was on you in an instant, dropping to her knees and grabbing for the box. "Give. It. Back!"
You leaned away, flipping through the top few magazines just to tease her. "Playboy? Seriously?"
Her face was hot now, hair falling into her eyes as she tried to wrestle them from your hands. "They’re not... I just--"
"You just… what?" You smirked, holding one up between two fingers. "Needed them for… the drama?"
She groaned and snatched the magazine, shoving it back into the box like she could erase the last thirty seconds. "Can you just forget you saw that?"
You sat back on your heels, watching her push the box deep under the bed until it disappeared into the shadows. You wanted to laugh, but there was something about the way she wouldn’t look at you.
Something that made your chest feel weirdly warm.
"I mean," you said casually, "...if you like girls, you could’ve just told me. Then I wouldn't be surprised by your perversion."
She paused for a second, like you hit a nerve. She distracts herself with organizing the comic stack. "I don't...like--"
You didn't push.
Later that night, lying in the dark while she fell asleep next to you, you caught yourself wondering...just wondering.
ʚїɞ
8 years after the field trip, if anyone asked, you'd say nothing's changed.
You and her still sit together at lunch, still sprawl across each other’s beds doing homework, still have entire conversations without speaking a word. People still call you "inseparable," not in a sweet way. They’re trying to figure out your friendship.
There are cracks now. Cracks that you feel more than see.
Part of it is the boyfriend.
Ethan: Hot, Smug, Leather jacket. He looks like the kind of guy your mother warns you about and you immediately jump onto his convertible and drive away. He's the type who leans against lockers like it's a movie scene and calls you "baby" loud enough for the whole hallway to hear. You like him the same way you like Black Liquorice, bitter...but kinda interesting.
She doesn't like him at all. You know this because she doesn't talk about him. Not even to make fun of him. And that's weird, because she usually makes fun of all your boyfriends. Always gently, so it feels like an inside joke instead of criticism.
The other part is...her new friend.
Her name is Lila. You met her once, in passing, when you stopped by the town's library to return a book she had lent you. Lila was sitting with her at one of the corner tables, both of them bent over some thick paperback with planets and...astronomy things...or whatever. Lila had big glasses, a messy bun, and that same shy, slightly defensive way of looking at people that she used to have when you first met.
"They met during the library's sci-fi movie night," someone told you later. Of course they did.
Now, Lila is a regular installation in her life. Hanging out twice a week at cafes or libraries, texts that makes her smile at her phone in a way that feels too easy. You've never had to compete for her attention before, and you hate how much you feel like doing so now.
⋆⋆
A Wednesday afternoon when you're sprawled on her bed, staring at the ceiling--counting the stars she had placed up there back in middle school--waiting for Ethan to pick you up for a movie. She's at her desk, typing something on her laptop, half distracted.
"What are you working on?" you ask.
"An essay. Then Lila and I are gonna go to the planetarium tonight."
You look over at her. "...On a school night?"
"Mhm, yeah. There's a meteor shower. They're letting people stay after closing to watch."
You make a face (you could never control your face. It spoke before you) "Sounds...freezing."
She shrugs. "It's worth it."
You try to joke: "You're cheating on me with your new dorky friend," but it lands wrong. Her mouth turns into a small smile, but her eyes remain on the screen.
"She's nice," she simply says. That's all the explanation needed.
You want to ask 'nicer than me?,' but that's ridiculous. You're her bestie. You've been her best friend since fourth grade. She's stuck with you through bad hair phases and worse boyfriends. You're the one who had matching purple butterfly bracelets with her. You're the one who punched Ryan Jones in eighth grade when he called her a "Pathetic Nobody." You're the one who always stood by her side for everything.
You've always been the one. So why does it feel like you're slowly...not?
When Ethan finally texts that he's outside, you grab your jacket and stand. "Don't have to much fun with Lola."
"It's Lila." She corrected you. You stuck your tongue out to the side.
"And I won't," she says, glancing up just long enough to give you that small, quiet smile that always, always softens you.
ʚїɞ
By the middle of sophomore year, she had heard enough. The cycle was always the same: you find some hot guy, get into the teen-honeymoon phase for a few weeks, and then slowly, and inevitably, it would turn sour. He ditch plans, forget important dates, talk over you when you were telling a story.The came the tears, the late night face tome call rants, and your shooting star promises that "this time I'll pick someone better."
She would sit on your bed, cross legged, silently hearing while you picked apart every flaw. She never said it, but by the third failed relationship she had already made a silent vow:
'When it's me, I'll be better'
Of course, she didn't know what "better" really looked like yet. So she started studying.
It began innocently, mental notes on the things that made you roll your eyes:
"Don't cancel on her last minute."
"Don't make her pay for your lunch every time."
"Actually listen when she talks about her day."
Then she got...organized
One rainy afternoon, she pulled out an old Lisa Frank notebook from her desk, the one your grandmother bought each of you during, Back to School shopping for seventh grade.
"how 2 be a good boyfriend or girlfriend....wtv"
From then on, every time you vented about some guy's fuck up, she wrote that down in messy handwriting.
don't check your phone when she's talking.
remeber remember her coffee order!!!!
actually MEAN it when you say "i'll call you."
don't make fun of the stuff she likes, even as a joke
The notebook became a secret habit. She fill it in after you left. First she hid it with her pervy - Playboy magazines. But then you found out about those, so she hid them where you or anyone would ever find it: under a stack of old limited edition comics she didn't let anyone touch.
By junior year, it went from theory to...research.
She didn't exactly plan to type "lesbian porno" into the search bar one night, but after reading yet another post on X (twitter) about "how guys can't find the clit," she figured she might as well learn. She even took notes in that damn Lisa Frank notebook. Technique notes though, on what seemed to actually work, not that fake unrealistic porn stuff.
To her, it's just preparation. Like studying for a test she might never take, but wanted to ace if she ever got the chance. She slammed her head on the desk and called herself a "fucking loser."
She told herself it was admiration. That you were just her favorite person in the world and she wanted to be worthy of you; the way a knight trains to protect their queen.
There were nights when she close the notebook, lie back on her bed, and imagine what it would be like if you looked at her the way you looked at the boys you fell for. And in those moments, she knew...
She was already in love you (maybe...she wasn't 100%). She'd just been taking notes on how to prove it.
ʚїɞ
She and Lila had claimed their usual table. Stacks of books, two laptops, a plastic bag of fruits between them. You'd stopped by in your way to cheer practice. Not because you needed anything, but because you liked the way she lit up when you appeared unexpectedly.
Except she didn't light up this time. She gave you a distracted smile from behind her computer screen.
"Look at you, married to the library now," you teased, resting your chin on her shoulder. "Do you even go outside anymore, or are you part of the furniture?"
She rolled her eyes, but before she could answer, you reached over and tapped the top of her hair: a ponytail, you can tell she barely tried. "Your hair's a disaster. C'mon lemme fix it."
"I'm fine," she muttered, ducking her head.
You lifted both your hands in the air. "You say that, but you've got, like...pencils in here?" you said more as a question rather than a statement. You plucked one out and waved it at her before sticking it behind your ear.
Lila was watching all of this. You noticed her noticing, but you didn't care enough to change your tone. You didn't even acknowledged Lila.
"Don't stay here too late, you nerdy geek," you said, already turning toward the exit. "The world needs your weird facts about Saturn or like... female in STEM or whatever."
You blew her a kiss and skipped away before she could respond.
Lila waited until you were out the library. Waited for the echo of your sneakers to fade away, before speaking. "Does she...always talk to you like that?"
She raised an eyebrow, caught off guard. "Like what?"
"You know. Teasing you. Making fun of your hair. Calling you names."
She frowned slightly, pushing her glasses to the crown of her head. "She doesn't make fun of me."
Lila raised an eyebrow. "I was sitting right here.. She called you part of the furniture."
"That's just...how we are," she said, picking a green grape up. "She's always been like that."
"That doesn't make it okay," Lila said softly.
"She's my best friend," she replied quick and defensively. "She's the one who's been there since elementary school. She's the one who--" She stopped herself, pressing her lips together.
Lila leaned back in her chair, studying her like she was a particularly tricky math problem. "I just think you deserve people who...you know, make you feel good about yourself. Not people who pick away at you, even as a joke."
She wanted to argue, to say that you DO make her feel good about herself. That you're the reason she ever came out of her shell, even if it was a little. The reason she knows how to stand her ground. Yet, the words caught somewhere between her chest and her throat.
Because the truth was...sometimes your teasing did hurt. It made her hyper-aware of you. Of the power you had to make her shrink or glow with a few careless words.
She shook her head and forced a small smile. "You don't know her like I do."
"Maybe not," Lila said. "But sometimes that is what makes it easier to see thing."
That night, when she was brushing her teeth before bed, she thought about your hand in her hair, the teasing sparkle in your eyes, the way you hadn't stay to hear her answer. And she was annoyed that, for the first time, she wasn't totally sure whether Lila was wrong.
⋆⋆
You kept throwing pebbled on her window. It was past eleven at night.
She's not even surprised. She gets up from her desk, slides the latch, and pushes the glass up so you can climb in like you've been doing since you were fourteen. Your boots hit the carpet with a dull thud.
She's in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Her skin dewy and smelling faintly like spice. You, on the other hand, look like you've been dragged through hell and back: makeup smudge, your top half tucked, you jacket down to your elbows, hair...you didn't want to talk about it.
She tilts her head, a silent question.
You don't even wait for her to sit before you start. "He's such an asshole."
She closes the window behind you, and you're already pacing. "I mean, y'know how I told him I had that history project due? And couldn't go to his dumbass friend's bonfire 'cause I needed to get it done? He told me I was 'over-react-ing' and 'be-ing dra-ma-tic' because it's only one grade and, quote, I'm too pretty to worry about grades."
She pinched her brows, "He said that?"
"Yes! Like my brain doesn't even matter." You throw your hands up. "And then---and then, when I didn't show, her posted this picture on his story of him with his arm around Madison....MADISON! Captioned it 'night. upgrade." You pull on your bracelet string.
Her jaw tenses, but she doesn't interrupt, eyes follow your moving body.
"And then..." you stop pacing long enough to flop dramatically onto her bed, staring at the stars on her ceiling. "He texted me two hours later, asking if I was done being a 'crybaby'"
She sits down at the edge of her bed, facing you. "Why are you still with him?"
You groan, "Don't start."
"I'm serious," her voice steady but softer than when she's mad. "You come here every other week with a new reason he's an asshole. And every time, I tell you he's not worth it. And every time, you ignore me."
"Be-..." You roll to your side, propping your head up. "...-cause it's complicated."
"It's not that complicated," she says. "He treats you like shit."
You HATE when she talks like this...because she's not wrong. It makes you feel exposed in a way that has nothing to do with Ethan. She's always been like this with you: blunt, but in a way that feels safe. She's not judging you, only wishing you'd see yourself the way she sees you.
You try to deflect. "You know I don't listen to anyone."
She gives you a pointed look. "You listen to me."
The room goes quiet. You stare at her for a second too long, and she breaks the tension by reaching over to straighten your shirt's collar, muttering, "You look like you got into a fight with a trash can."
You laugh, the tension snapping, and grab her hand just to swat it away. But you don't let go immediately.
"I just..." you sigh, letting your head fall back against the pillows. "I don't know why I put up with guys like him."
Her voice is quiet now, almost hesitant. "Maybe because you haven't figured out what you actually want yet." She returns to fixing your top so delicately.
You're not sure why that makes your chest tighten.
⋆⋆
You never really notice change that much. Especially when it's slow. You don't notice it until you're looking at it from a distance.
She's been spending more afternoons with Lila.
Lila: pretty dorky girl with cardigan sleeves that hand past her hands and a laugh that's softer than the whisper of turning pages. You’d never cared for her, not really. She was background noise. Now she feels like a name you hear too often.
"Lila found this old book on--"
"Lila says there's an art club---"
"Lila's got this theory about---"
A late reply to your texts, a rain check on plans because she was "already hanging out with Lila." You told yourself it was fine. She was allowed to have other friends. You weren't her girlfriend. She wasn't yours.
But you’d gotten used to how she was always there: within reach even across the room. You’d been certain you were each other’s person. And now, there was Lila, taking up that space.
You didn't hate Lila, not really. You also didn't know her. Not the way you knew her. And you didn't like the way she laughed at things Lila said, soft and unguarded, in a way you'd never quiet heard before.
Sometimes, you'd catch yourself staring at them across the cafeteria: the two of them huddled, whispering like they were plotting a crime. It wasn't that you thought she was replacing you....but what if she was?
You tired not to let it show. You still hung out, still joked, still leaned against her should like you always did. You did notice the pauses, the ones where she used to look at you and now glanced down at her phone. The ones where her gaze drifted past you, like she was thinking about somewhere else she'd rather be.
And you did not like yourself for noticing it.
Meanwhile, she, was caught somewhere she couldn't name. Because when she was with you, there was this pull. A warmth of familiarity, and ache in her chest she didn't have with anyone else. But lately, Lila's words kept echoing in her head
"She's kind of mean to you, you know."
She brushes it off every time, tells Lila that just how shit is. Nonetheless, sometimes...she did notice. Teasing lingered seconds too long. The way you'd dismiss something she liked with an eye roll. She'd never thought twice about it before. It was just you.
Now, she wasn't sure why she'd never thought about it.
Still, the thought of pulling away completely felt wrong. Like cutting off her own arm. She couldn't stop the shift inside her though. The way her heart beat when you smiled, the way she caught herself staring at your mouth mid-sentence.
It was getting harder to be near you without wondering what it would feel like if you stopped talking about your stupid fucking boyfriends and kissed her instead. And harder to ignore the quiet, creeping fear that maybe...just maybe...you'd never feel the same.
⋆⋆
His room feels thick. Smoke curling lazily around the light, trying to soften everything but it only makes your skin feel hotter, your pulse louder. Head spinning slower than the world or maybe faster, you can't tell.
Ethan's beside you, smirking like he owns the world and every little stupid thing in it. His hand is loose around your waist, but it feels odd. A placeholder you do not really want anymore. His hands are on you, possessive, confident, the kind of touch you've come to expect but never want.
Lying back on his messy bedspread, half laughing-half numb, fully high on whatever cheap weed he gave you.
You know you should feel something. Excitement, Lust, ANYTHING! But you feel is only dullness, disinterest. You taste him, his lips rough, breath warm, words slurred in that irritating way that means he's too high to care about anything but himself.
You close your eyes.
You want to feel something...
In your deep conscious you want to see her.
Her.
Your vision is blurred as you grab Ethan's face. You're probably seeing double...crossed eyed. Blinking until you no longer see him.
The shape of her face, the way her hair falls just so. The way her eyes sparkle with that quiet fire that Ethan could never match. And then she's there.
Wearing what Ethan's currently wearing, his t-shirt and his shorts. You imagine her hands, strong and sure, moving over you in ways Ethan never has.
You're not kissing Ethan anymore. You're kissing her. With more intensity than you thought possible, the lines between reality and fantasy blurring so much you don't know where one ends and the other begins.
The way she tastes like something you didn't know you were craving. It's exciting and wrong all at once. You keep kissing, your hands ghosting over Ethan's body. Hands roaming his chest expecting to feel her. You're reaching for someone else. This isn't just a daydream. You're using her to cover the parts of this night that don't fit anymore.
Part of you is into it. Into the way your heart skips when the imagined version of her whispers something you don't hear. Into the way your body remembers what she feels like, even when it's just a shadow in your mind. Deeper into the fantasy. Her voice saying your name, her hands in your hair, the way she laughs when you tease her.
Ethan hands slide down your waist, your mind is somewhere else entirely. Caught between what you want to feel and what you're pretending to feel.
You break the kiss, break the fantasy with your eyes still closed. Ethan's looking at you. The fantasy shatters. You blink, and you're back on his messy bed. His eyes aren't soft, they're sharp. Wondering if he should question why you were so into it, or just enjoy the fact that you WERE into it for the first time ever since you've started dating.
Your heart is pounding, not from him but from the acknowledgment. You push back, scrambling to your feet before you say or do something you'll regret.
"I...I uh have to go," you cough, avoiding his gaze.
The door slams shut behind you, muffling the mess inside. Outside, the cool night wakes you up. Sobers your skin and mind.
You room is dark except for the small glow of your phone screen. You curl up on your bed, knees pulled tight to your chest, and try to figure out what's spinning inside you. It's not like before.
The jealousy you've felt was the type you never felt before. The type of feeling you were supposed to feel when the boys you liked laughed a little too long at other girls. Or when Ethan ran his hand across someone else's back like it was noting. That was easy, it was irritation, a feeling you could shove away with a roll of your eyes or a comeback.
This is different.
It's the feeling that sneaks behind you and stabs you in the ribs, making you cold and your chest feel tight. It's watching her laugh with Lila in the library, the way her eyes light up when they share a joke you don't get. It's seeing the soft, easy way she leans into Lila's space, the little brushes of fingers, the way her smile seems fuller when it's just the two of them.
That feeling...hurts.
It's not Lila you're jealous of. It's what Lila represents.
Jealous of something that is not a person, but a feeling, a moment, a connection. You hated yourself for feeling like this. You stare at your blank ceiling, tracing invisible patterns on the wall. You want to text her. To ask if she misses you like you miss her. To tell her you're sorry for everything you didn't say.
But your fingers stay still because you're scared. Scared that if say any of it out loud, you'll lose her forever. And you realize you never wanted anyone more than her.
⋆⋆
A normal sleepover. You and her, like always.
She comes out your bathroom, showered with all your products. She looks different. Nervous maybe, you can tell by the way she fiddles with her bracelet.
You'd already seen the pictures Lila posted: her and your best friend at the fair, hair messier from the rides, faces painted with cheap glitter stars. You told yourself you weren't bothered. You were with Ethan that night, anyway.
Still, you can't ignore the weird weight in your chest as she sits at the edge of your bed. "So..." she starts, her voice low, hesitant. "Lila and I went on the Ferris wheel."
You hum like you don't care, eyes still on your phone.
"And we kissed."
That makes your head snap up, giving you whiplash. Your mouth working before your brain catches up: "Ew, why?"
It slips out meaner than you meant, dripping with disgust instead of confusion. Her shoulders tense, the way her eyes losing sparkle tells you she's building a wall.
You feel guilt in your stomach. Ew in the sense of 'ew why Lila,' not 'ew you kissed a girl.' You were going to speak up but she's already speaking, her voice shaking slightly; "Why? Because I like girls. Because I've always liked girls."
Your mouth goes dry.
She doesn't look away from you, she bites her the inside of her cheek. Bracing for something, "I'm...I'm gay. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to..." she swallows. "...look at me like you just did."
The room feels smaller, you can hear the hum of your phone still on the bed beside you, the faint buzz of notification you don't dare check. You want to say you didn't mean it like that. You were just caught off guard, not disgusted ....just surprised.
But the words stick in your throat.
She stands, pulling her hoodie sleeves back over her hands, "I shouldn't have said anything."
You reach for her wrist, but she pulls back carefully, like she doesn't trust herself to stay if she lets you touch her. And in that moment, you realize you've hurt her in a way you've never seen before.
Not like when other people said something cruel and she brushed it off. Or those times you defended her in the hallway. This is is deeper, different.
And for the first time, you wonder if you might not be able to fix it with a joke or an apology.
⋆⋆
The next few days feel wrong.
She's there, in the hallways, in class, in the field, everywhere just not there with you. She sits at the other end of the lunch table. She spends longer time at her locker until you've already walked past. She answers your texts hours and hours later....or not at all.
You tell yourself she's busy. That you didn't screw shit up that bad. Deep down, you know you did.
On Tuesday, you corner her outside her Calc class, your voice low so no one hears. "Look, I don't care if you're...you know...into girls or whatever."
She looked at you and for a moment, there's hope in your heart. But then you see the way her lips press into a line, like you just confirmed exactly what she thought: That you don't get it.
Your try again the next day, finding her by the vending machines. "What I mean is...it doesn't matter to me. Like you're still...you."
She shakes her head, mutters, "You don't get it," and walks away before you can follow.
By Friday, you are desperate enough to blurt it out in the middle of the quad. "I'm not freaked out that you're gay!" you insist. "I just...." but your voice catches too loud, and people turn to look. You clamp your mouth shut.
She grabs her tighter and walks off. Ignoring you completely.
That's when you see her with Lila again. Leaning against the wall outside the library, talking quietly heads close. You slow down, hidden behind a group of students, and watch as Lila says something that makes her laugh out loud. The sound you haven't heard in days. Your best friend's shoulders relaxes under Lila's light touch. Easy, comfortable way that used to happen when she was with you.
Later, you hear it from a cheer mate who is mutuals with Lila. "She thinks you're f-ed up," apparently for the way you reacted and treated her. You want to write it off as gossip until you overhear them yourself.
"She's messed up," Lila's voice, clear as day from behind a stack of books in the library.
"She didn't mean..." your best friend starts, but then she stops. A pause.
Then: "No...you're right...maybe she is."
You leave before they can see you. Biting your tongue, fists to your sides. And for the first time since elementary school, you start to wonder if maybe she's better off without you.
ʚїɞ
People only ever see one version of you: Loud laugh, perfect hair, quick comebacks. The girl who can stand in a hallway, arms crossed, and make anyone twice her size back down without raising her voice.
They think you were born like that, confident and untouchable.
But she knows better.
She's the only one who remembers the 2nd field trip in fourth grade: the zoo. When you were trying to be funny and flicked her a Star Shaped Silly rubber band you found in your pocket. It barely snapped against her arm, but the shock made her yelp. The moment her face crumpled, your own eyes filled with tears. You'd followed her all through the reptiles house saying "I'm sorry," over and over until you were crying harder than she was.
Or that time in sixth grade when your parents told you they were moving overseas for work and you would have to live with your grandmother. You told everyone you "didn't care," you even joked about how you would get more freedom without them around.
But she saw you that night, curled up on her bed with your knees to your chest, shoulders shaking so hard you could barely breathe. She didn’t say much. She kept the tissues coming, moved your hair off your face, and hugged you until you fell asleep.
She's the only one that knows that the attitude isn't armor you chose, it's armor you needed. That each time someone laughed at your damage in those early years, you promised yourself you would laugh first next time. Even if it meant someone else was on the receiving end.
She's the only one who knows that, for all your boldness, you've always been too sensitive for your own good.
That's why it worked, the two of you.
She didn't mind your edges because she'd seen the soft center underneath. And you never minded her quietness, because it gave you a place to land when being "the strong one" got exhausting.
You’ve always been the storm. She’s always been the calm.
ʚїɞ
You'd texted her asking to meet up at the coffee shop near the park. A place where you could finally say the words you've been rehearsing in your head for days. When you walk in, she's sitting at a table by the window...and Lila's right there beside her.
Your stomach sinks, but you force a smile and slide into the seat across from them. "Hey."
She gives you a polite fake smile. "Hey," she says, then goes quiet, stirring her drink.
You take a breath. "Listen, about that night--"
"She's been busy," Lila interrupts, brushing a crumb off her sleeve. "She doesn't owe you an explanation for not hanging out."
In your head you're asking Lila "What the fuck are you on about? No one was talking to you."
Instead you glance at her, tight-lipped, then look back at your best friend. "I wasn't asking for one. I was just saying--"
"She doesn't need to hear you say it either," Lila cuts in again, her tone light but firm.
"Can I just talk to her?" You hands curled into fists.
Lila leans back, smirking. "You ARE talking to her. You just don't like that I'm here."
You bite the inside of your cheek so hard you taste metalic. The air feels heavier with every second. You glance at your best friend again, silently pleading for her to step in.
She sighs, looking at Lila. "Can you give us a sec?"
Lila hesitates, looking between you both before sliding out of the booth with an exaggerated shrug. " 'Kay, I'll be at the counter."
As soon as she's gone, you let out a breath. "Thanks. I just...I'm sorry, okay? I said something stupid and it came out wrong and--"
Her voice cuts through yours. "You're always saying something stupid."
You freeze.
She's staring at you now, not with annoyance, not even anger....just tiredness.
"You think you can just...run over people and they'll get that you don't mean it," she continues. "But you do mean it sometimes. And I'm done pretending you don't."
Your throat tightens. "I don't--"
She stands up, shaking her head. "I...I think....I don't want to be friends anymore." Her face crumbles.
It's so quiet after she says it that you hear the clink of cups from across the restaurant, the hissing of the espresso machine. And then she's walking away, Lila falling behind her, both of them heading for the door. You sit there still until the bell above the door jingles shut behind them.
The first sob hits you like a punch. Then another.
It's not quiet crying, it's the ugly one. The kind that tears its way out of you. Your hands cover your face but it doesn't muffle the sound, doesn't stop the trembling that starts in your heart and spreads to your fingers. It's the same way you cried the night your parents left, shoulders shaking, lunching aching, like the world was going to swallow you whole. The only difference was: she wasn't there to hug you.
You curl forward in the booth, the fabric of your lacey henley top soaking up your tears, wishing you could rewind everything. Back to before Lila, before the fight, before you ruined the one thing that mattered. But all you can do is sit there, wailing into the space she's no longer in.
⋆⋆
It's been a week since she walked out on you. A week of silence between you and her. A week of Lila filling the empty space.
At first, it was fine. Lila was sweet, annoyingly sweet. She liked to plan little study sessions in the library, brought her homemade cookies to the quad, and always had a "fun fact" about some obscure book, followed by small kisses. On paper, it was perfect.
But the long it went on, the more something in her began to prickle.
"That has too much sugar," Lila says now, plucking the iced latte from her hands before she can even get a sip. "Don't get it, you always say you get headaches after sugary drinks."
"I didn't say that."
"You've said it once before." Lila smiles like its a done deal and hands her black coffee instead. "Better for you."
She forces a fake polite smile, takes the cup, but her stomach twists.
Later, at the bookstore, she reaches for a beat up second hand sci-fi novel; the kind she loves, trashy fun cover art and all. Lila's fingers close around her wrist.
"No," she says. "You should read something else, this is literally brain rot on paper."
She furrows her brows, "I like this stuff."
Lila tilts her head, voice soft but condescending. "I know I know. I'm just saying...you be better off expanding your taste."
It happens again when they're walking past the thrift store. Lila telling her those kinds of second hand clothes "aren't flattering," and "unhygienic." At lunch, telling her that sitting alone at study hall "makes you look like a loner." Even when she's trying to relax, Lila's voice is there, telling her what is better, what is good for her, what is right.
By the end of the week, her eye was twitching.
It's late evening when they end up on a park bench, the air smelling like rain. Lila is mid sentence, something about how she should stop hanging out with that guy from her art class "cause here's a bad influence," when she snaps.
"You ever hear yourself?"
Lila, thrown off. "What do you mean?"
"I mean...you're always telling me what's good for me. What I should wear. What I should read. Who I should hang out with. What's better for me." Her voice is sharper now, the words spilling faster. "You don't even ask me what i want."
Lila's brows knit. "I'm just trying to help--"
"You are trying to CON-TROL me," she snaps. "You act like you know me better than I know myself...and you DON'T! You don't get to decide what's "good" for me. That's not your job."
The air between them stiffens.
Lila leans back, obviously offended. "Wow, I didn't being a good FRIEND was such a crime."
"Friends listen," she says, standing now. "Friends respect you enough to let you choose for yourself. You don't do that."
For the first in a while...in forever, she feels taller. Stronger, like her voice carries weight.
"I'm not doing this anymore. I do not want to be your friend, Lila." She says simply and walks away. Leaving Lila sitting there under the park light, her mouth parted in disbelief.
⋆⋆
You on the other hand that week...was just existing on autopilot. Walking the halls with your usual perfect look, but without the aura. You don't bite back at people. You don't smirk at the gossip. You don't even care when someone purposely bumps into your shoulder.
You've never been this quiet before. Especially not in public. Never even in front of you boyfriends.
Tonight, you're sitting on the floor of his room. Knees to your chin staring at the muted TV while he scrolls through his phone. "You've been weird lately," he says without looking up. The glow from the screen makes him look even more distant.
You almost laugh. Weird doesn't even cover it.
"I''m tired, Ethan."
"Of what?" He glances down at you.
You take a deep breath. "Of us."
"What?"
"I am breaking you with you." The words come out flat, but inside, your heart is pounding. "I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of pretending I feel something I don't."
He sits up straighter. "Pretending Are you dead serious right now?"
"Yes," you met his eyes. "I don't love you...I never did. I'm sorry."
There's a pause, the kind that extends to the point it gets uncomfortable.
Ethan scoffs. "Then what the hell have we been doing all this time?"
You bite your bottom lip, debating if you should just leave it there. You snap instead, maybe it's the week of emptiness or that memory of imagining her instead of him.
"I'm in love with my best friend."
"Who?"
You say her name, for the first time in a while...out loud at least. His mouth opens then closes again. "What?"
You look down at your bracelet, at the butterfly charm. "I am in love with her."
Its out now, heavy and irreversible.
Ethan stares at you like he's trying to figure out if this is a joke. If you're trying to get him jealous. But you're not smirking, only chewing your bottom lip.
"Well," he says finally, leaning back with a bitter laugh. "That explains a lot. All those times..."
You stand up without another word, grabbing your purse and heading to the door. You don't make a scene, you walk out quietly. Your chest tight but with a sense of relief. Your shoulders feel light. For the first time in a long time. You're done pretending.
⋆⋆
She told herself she wouldn't miss. After all, you were the popular one. The one who always had people around, like how the planets orbits around the stars. She was the quiet best friend you'd grown up with, the one who stood in the background while you laugh with other people.
But she does miss you.
She misses the way you say her name like it's an inside joke. She misses your shameless dramatics over the smallest inconveniences. She even misses your 'mean girl voice': the one you use when someone needs to "tone it the fuck down." But she knows is really you defending yourself from the world.
And after standing up to Lila, after realizing she doesn't want to be told who she can or can't care about....she's been walking around with this heavy pain in her chest. The kind that doesn't go away unless you DO something about it.
So tonight, she does something about it.
It's 11:47 p.m, when she's standing outside your grandmother's house, hoodie up, hands shoved into her pockets, she's staring at the porch. So many sleepovers here than either of you could count. She knows your grandmother is out visiting family tonight. She knows you're alone.
She also knows the spare key is under the third flowerpot to the left, and that you never lock your bedroom window anyway.
She tries the front door, but the key isn't there. Tries the window. Locked. She jerks an eyebrow up and sighs, figures you've suddenly developed caution at the worst possible time.
So she does what any logical best friend does: she climbs the side fence, nearly slips on a loose wooden slat, and mutters a stream of curses under her breath until she's awkwardly half spread over your windowsill.
She knocks. Quiet at first, then bangs.
Inside, the room is dim. You're sitting crossed legged on your bed in V.S Pink flare leggings you got for Christmas three years ago-- a camisole, hair in two pigtails, scrolling through your phone with a blank expression. Until you look up and see her, your heat dropping alongside your jaw.
"Holy shit! Are you....what the hell---why are you climbing into my window like some creep!?"
She swings one leg inside, then the other, landing with an ungraceful thump on your carpet. " 'Cause we've been ignoring each other and I'm tired of it."
You nod, "Right...right. So your plan was felony trespassing?"
Her lips twitch, trying hard to not to smile. "Misdemeanor at best."
For a moment, neither of you says anything. The silence is heavy but not cold.
"I miss you," she finally says, voice steady and quiet.
You stare at her, your chest tightening. "...I miss you too."
She relaxes her shoulder, hesitates before stepping towards the bed, and you don't move away, she sits besides you.
"You're still a mean bitch sometimes," she mutters, but her tone is soft.
You giggle, "And you're still a socially awkward perverted loser."
"Yeah," she smiles just a bit. "Guess that's why we work."
⋆⋆
One minute, you and her are sitting cross legged on your bed, exchanging awkward smiles like it's the first time, and then the next you're both lying down, shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the plain ceiling.
The soft orange glow from the lamp on your night stand keeps your room alive. The kind of light that makes everything feel more private. And it's not entirely platonic either. You can feel, that slow shift in the air. You both crossed some invisible line but neither of you is ready to say it out loud yet.
"Ya'know," she says softly, breaking the silence, "you can be really funny. Like...really funny. But sometimes your jokes. They kinda hurt."
The words are honest and hits you. You turn your head toward her. She's focused on the ceiling, fingers playing with the cuffs of her hoodie sleeve.
"Yea," you admit after a second. "I guess...I know that. I don't mean to. I just..."
"Protect yourself?" she finishes for you.
"Yeah...and I forget to who I'm talking to."
She finally meets your gaze, eyes searching yours. "You don't have to do that with me. Not all the time."
Something in your gut twist: guilt, warmth...both? "Then you gotta promise me you'll tell me when something bothers you. No shutting down. No avoiding me for a week."
She smirks faintly. "I can do that."
And then you do something you haven't done lately, maybe since the cracks appeared. You reach out, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting your fingers linger against her temple. She's still, eyes flicking from yours to your mouth.
"You still let me mess with your messiness of a hair," you murmur, almost to yourself, smoothing down another loose strand.
"It's...nice," she says, voice lower than before.
Your thumb traces the soft curve of her cheek without you even thinking about it. Then you kiss her nose. She doesn't pull away. Neither of you does.
And in that , the shift stops being subtle. It's there in the way your shoulders touch. In the way you notice her breathing, slow, intentional, a little uneven. In the way your heart's pounding like young just ran up all the stairs of the Statue of Liberty.
You're still looking at her when you whisper, "I don't want to fight with you anymore."
Her lips part slightly. "Then don't."
Lying here, close enough to each other's warmth, both of you silently wondering if this is the night everything changes.
⋆⋆
One week ago, you were barely speaking. Now, she's on your bed like she owns it; sneakers off, sweater tossed to the side--staying in a tank top, hair a little messy in a hot way (you'll say), thanks to the wind outside.
It's weird how easy it is to slip back into a routine with her. Ever since grade school, whenever there would be petty fights, you both spoke about it maturely. Expressed your feelings, then BOOM! Back to normal.
Right?
You're on your stomach at the edge of her bed, listenting to music coming from your phone. Your eyes keep glancing to her. She's got that lopsided smirk she gets when she's about to make some stupid comment.
"So," she starts, voice light but coated with curiosity. "What did I miss while you were too cool to hang out with me?"
You rolled your eyes and gave her a look. "Too cool? You were the one playing family with Lila, going to fairs and dates."
"Ok, but that's 'cause you were--" she pauses, raises a brow, "--busy sucking face with Ethan the Asshat."
You groan: "Don't call him that."
"Why not? He WAS an asshat." She grins when you don't argue, only roll your eyes again. "Anyway. Tell me all the gossip. Go."
You pretended to think, pouting your lips and staring to the side. "Hmmm, well I broke up with him."
Her eyes changed with something quick...satisfaction? "Good. He didn't deserve you."
Her tone was casual with weight underneath. You ignore the warmth on your cheeks. "Your turn. What happened when you were ignoring me?"
She hums, also pretending to be in deep thought. "Lets see...I survived Lila's attempts to be the manger of my life. Read three new graphic novels, found a new ramen place that's basically heaven--"
"And kissed a girl," you cut in, smirking.
She pauses for a second before quirking a brow at you. "Jealous?"
You scoff, but your stomach flips anyway. "Pfft, please. I've kissed way more people than you."
She's smug when she smirks. "Quantity over quality, huh?"
You throw a pillow at her, but she just catches it and hugs it to her chest like she won. "Anyway," her voice shifting into that teasing tone, "you know if you ever need lessons..."
You side eye her. "Lessons?"
Her expression is total mischief now, that rare, bold side in her that comes out when she's feeling comfortably cocky. "Yea. Y'know. Practice."
You snort. "You're stupid."
She shrugs. "Just saying...could be educational. For you."
You scoot closer. On one hand: to mess with her. On the other: because your body wants to. "Oh? And you think you'll be a good professor?"
Her eyes drop down to your mouth, quick...but you noticed. "I think I'd be amazing." The air between you gets thick, like it did that night. You both feel it.
You lean back slightly, acting impressed because you'll fail to pretend you're unaffected. "You got...cocky.
"Nah. Just confident."
It's supposed to be banter. But fuck, the way she says it: low, sure, a little dirty. Maybe she's always been like this, a little inappropriate, a little shameless...but now you notice.
You catch her staring more than once that afternoon. When you stretch to grab something from the top shelf. When you're licking chocolate off your thumb from the snack you're sharing. When you flop back onto her bed and your shirt lifts just a bit.
Every. Time. She looks away like it's nothing, yet her ears go red.
By the time you leave that night, you're not sure if you've actually caught up on everything you missed...or if you've just spent the entire day testing how you can push before something finally snaps.
⋆⋆
The last bell of the day is still ringing in your ears when you step off the mat. Cheer practice leaves your body aching and your hair slightly damp. The adrenaline always feel good.
She's waiting for you by the bleachers. Bag slung over one shoulder, watching you with an amused expression she always gets when she's catching you mid cheer mode.
"Practice done?" she asks, pushing off the bleacher rail to meet you halfway.
You nod, adjusting your bag. "Mhm. Coach kept us an extra fifteen minutes because Allie couldn't land her tumbling pass."
She smirks. "Tragic." Then her tone softens a bit. "Soo....you heard back yet?"
It takes you a second to realize she means the letters. You smile and nod rapidly. "Got my acceptance yesterday. State University. You?"
Her face brightens. "Same!"
You knew it. Since the start of high school you both planned to go to the same university. You swear you're both independent, but from all the applications you've sent back in October. You're sure, four of them were the same.
"You gonna join any clubs over there?"
She glances sideways at you. "Dunno. Maybe I'll crash your party. Cheer squad could use someone like me."
You laugh out loud. "Oh, absolutely. You would LOVE wearing the uniform."
She thinks, then her voice drops slightly. "Depends. Is it like the one you've got now?"
You give her a scared side eye. "Why?"
"Because...if it is, I might get distracted during practice. And not by the routine."
You scoff, raising the corner of your mouth in fake disgust. "You're unbelievable."
She leans in closer, "What? I'm just saying..." You feel the heat radiating off her. "...Those skirts are very motivating." She lifts your skirt up from the side.
You push her shoulder, but it's more playful than annoyed. "You're such a perv." You ignore the warmth of your cheeks.
She just grins wider. "Takes one to know one."
The conversation shifts after that. Talking about dorms, campus food, the weather. A little hum in the air.
⋆⋆
8 years of school with her.
Senior year has been a blur. Boyfriends who didn't matter, fights you didn't start but still finished, those weird months where your friendship felt off. Somewhere in the last few weeks, things found their way back...better than before.
It smells like late spring. It smells like the end of an era.
Her living room displays the lazy evening light. You're on the couch with your legs stretched out, one ankled on the other. She's sitting sideways in the armchair, a half empty can of soda balanced on the armrest. It's just you two. Again.
She's been yapping (to put it nicely) for a while. Something about a comic series she found in a thrift store bin, and every so often, she says something just to get under your skin. It's a game now: push until the other one breaks.
"...and you wouldn't get it," she says, gesturing with one hand. "Because you've got your cheerleader brain that only understands prep rallies and make up--"
You throw a cushion at her. She pushed back at you.
To be honest, you've been watching her more than hearing. The way her hands move when she talks, the way she furrows her brows when she's trying to make a point, the way her voice softens without meaning to when she says something she cares about.
"...but in this issue, the whole arc turns on this timid side character, right? And nobody sees her as the hero at first. But she..."
She drifts away suddenly. Her gaze focus on you. Just like that, her voice drops, almost absentmindedly.
"You look really pretty right now."
It's so soft, causal, a passing thought. It lands heavy, there's no sarcasm or joke to it. Only pure admiration.
"What?" You come back down to earth.
She shrugs, leaning back in the chair, her mouth curling to the tiniest smile. "I mean, you always look good, but...I dunno. Right now you look...different. Like..." She searches for the word, her brows pulling together. "Like you don't even have to try."
Your heart thuds. "You're so weird."
"I know, but...I'm right." She says easily, shifting back into her rhythm like she didn't just spill that on you. "Anyway, so the hero thing, right? Everyone underestimates her until--"
You don't even realize you've moved until you're in front of her. She cuts off mid sentence when you lean down, gripping the arms of the chair. Her eyes widen, and then your mouth is on hers.
It wasn't calculated, careful. It's an instinct, like breathing or blinking, except this time its sweet and full of things you've been swallowing back for months.
You almost pull away, she was still. Then her head tilts just slightly into you, like she's not ready for it to end. When you do break away, she's staring at you. And she's not smiling, she's not mad either.
"...So," she says after a moment, voice quiet and steady, "that was...not comics related."
You barely laugh. "No. Not comics related."
She sits back slowly, her eyes still on you. "Good. I hate interruptions." You know that's her way of saying she didn't mind.
⋆⋆
You find yourself leaning in first more often than not. The way your lips brush hers in the hallways between classes, the quick stole ones, breathless kisses when she walks you home. Sometimes you hold her hand and it feels like a kiss. Other time, just a teasing press of mouths...pecks. You lean in after a joke she made, the pride you feel blooming behind your chest when she doesn't pull away. Kisses that speak: I want you but I'm also scared.
She's quieter, less sure. But when she does kiss you back, it's like she's catching her breath, like she leaped over that invisible line.
Making out happens sometimes. A closeness you thought about in the dark, Breathy-Slow, your hands trace the curves of her pants, then her waist, and she lets you.
She touches you like she was prepared for this. And she was, just ask Lisa Frank.
Are you dating? You don't know. But you both are something. You catch her staring sometimes, eyes softer than you've ever seen them, full of questions and hope.
One afternoon, you find her sitting alone in the library, flipping through a hardcover book. You sit down beside her, heart jumping out your chest.
"Hey," you say softly. "Prom's coming up."
She looks up, startled, then smiles shyly. "Yea...I know."
You swallow the lump in your throat. You agreed during the summer that if you each had a partner you would go with them, not each other. You both haven't spoken about prom since.
"I was thinking...maybe you and me could go together."
"You mean...as more than friends?"
You smile, feeling braver than you've been in a second. "I think we should try."
She nods slowly. "Okay," her voice is a whisper. "I'd like that."
⋆⋆
Nobody was surprised. Not your classmates, not the teachers, not even the cafeteria lunch ladies who got annoyed at you two for using each other's lunch ID & codes for double snacks.
Oh? You and she are together? Everyone knew (or at least suspected) that what had been cooking under the surface for YEARS finally spilled over into something real.
Prom was everything you'd hoped for. Laughter that filled the venue, a slow dance that somehow made time stop. In your elegant beautiful attire, you both walked into a late night pizza shop. Telling corny jokes on the side walk, stars overhead.
Now, the end of senior year loom like quiet promise. Graduation is coming...
You're lying side by side on her bed, the glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling casting your own little solar system above. Your hands rest near each other, fingertips occasionally brushing.
"Can you believe it's almost over?" she asks, low and calm.
You shake your head, feeling the heaviness of it all. "Feels like we just started."
She turns her head towards you. "I'm scared."
You squeeze her hand gently. "Me too."
There's a long pause, the kind filled with everything neither of you wanted to say out loud yet.
"What...do you see when you..." she finally says, a small smile tugging at her lips. "...think about us?"
You look up at the stars, then back at her. "I see someone who's been there through everything. Fights, late night talks, dumbass jokes, the kisses I never wanted to stop."
Her smile grows, sparkles spreading in her eyes. "I see someone who made me believe I'm with fighting for. Someone who's a little mean sometimes, but who's also the softest person I know."
You laugh softly. "Mean, huh?"
She nudges your shoulder. "Only when they deserve it."
You shift closer, "I'm not perfect."
"Neither am I," she brushes a stray hair from your forehead.
Your eyes meet: "What do we do now?"
She shrugs, but there's no hesitation in her voice. "We keep going. Together. Like always."
You smile, heart full. Your fingers still linger in hers.
Without a word you lean in slowly, giving her every chance to pull away, but she never does. Instead, her breath catches, and your lips meet in a kiss that's gentle at first: full of promises and respectful hope.
Her hands slide up your arms, memorizing every curve, every warmth. You pull her closer, your bodies fitting together as if you've been made to find this exact moment. The stars above casts a magical atmosphere. She looks almost unreal, your heart beats faster.
A perfect blend of awe and desire.
She sighs against your mouth, a sound that sends shivers down your spine. Her fingers lace through your hair, tugging softly, now you sigh against her mouth.
When she pulls back just enough to whisper, her voice is low and reassuring, "I've got you," you feel your worries melt away. There's no rush, only the slow exploration of skin and breath. Her hands guiding yours, you follow her lead.
She traces gentle circles on your back, the heat of her hands seeping into you. You trace the curve of her jaw, remembering the way she smiles when she caught your gaze, eyes sparkling brighter than any glow in the dark star above.
Time folds around you both. The universe shrinking down to the softness of her touch, the steady of your hared heart. Whne she takes the lead, helping you through every tender moment, it feels like falling and flying all at once.
When you finally come together, it's with a sweetness and care that speaks louder than any words ever could.
Afterward, tangled in sheets, you rest your head on her chest...listening to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. The only sound you want to hear.
"Was it..." you whisper, breathless.
"Perfect," she replies, fiddling with your bracelet.
You smile, knowing that with her, perfect isn't just a word: it's a promise.
⋆⋆
The sun hangs low in the sky, casting golden light over the botanical garden. The same one where you two became friends, years ago, when you were just two "unlucky" kids forced to be each other's guardians on that field trip.
Graduation ended hours ago.
You've taken her hand in yours, fingers lacing together naturally, as you walked the winding paths. The flowers bloom in bright bursts of color, and the smell of earth and petals wraps around you. She's quieter than usual, but you can feel the same swirl of emotions in her: excitement, relief, a little bittersweetness.
You stop by the small pond, pebbles still on the ground. You walked past the plants you didn't write down on that laminated sheet. You entered the Butterfly Garden.
You turn to her. "We've come a long way," you say softly.
She smiles and nods. "Yeah...from little disobedient awkward kids to..."
"To us," you finish, squeezing her hand. You saw her smile, for a moment she was a little fourth grader with large glasses and a loose side braid.
"I'm going to sound snappy..." you glance at your open toe heels.
"You always do." She teases. You squeeze her hand, chuckling under your breath, telling her to 'shush.'
"We're staring a new chapter," you say, "and I don't want to do it with anyone else."
Her lips curve into a certain-shy grin. "Me neither."
You pull her close, kissing her cheek. Suddenly, a delicate shadow flutters over you. A soft brush against your hair.
"Looks like it's your turn." She laughs softly, trying to not move too much, eyes wide. A purple butterfly, the same one from that day so many years ago; settling gently on your head, opposite side from where it landed on her.
You move your head slightly and it flys away. You see it, your heart swelling.
"Gosh, this garden...it's more than just a place," you say. "It's where we began. And where everything beautiful started."
She nods, full of love in her eyes. You pull her into a tender kiss, embracing all the years you've shared and the many more to come. Under the golden sun and surrounded by Butterflies, you both know this. is just the beginning.
Togther.
Forever~
A/N: Oh my god this is the longest oneshot/imagine I've written so far. Started 08/08 @ 10a.m. Finished 08/10 @ 3a.m---The fact that in the middle of me writing the start, my computer just decided to delete half my progress--made me wanna give up. But i just fell in love with this one. I need fucking sleep...3 in the morning is crazy.
this my last oneshot
Tags <3 also tysm for all the support & the reblogs.
My notifications showed that you posted, but it was just a late notification from yesterday 🤸♂️🌉💥
Hiii!!! Here’s a RECENT post <3
Imagine #23: Touch Me & I’ll Stop
A/N: when it comes to the love interest, (sometimes) her pronouns will be italicized.
(makeupartist!reader - part 5 - slow burn before the smut :p - smut with a plot (reader giving) - a bit of fluff - added background characters - barely proofread - 4.9k words)
6 ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
Since the trailer and the mirror, you haven't seen her. Not really.
A day after, you brushed past her in the hallway and your arms touched for barely a second too long. Long enough to feel the edge of her bracelet scrape against your skin.
Schedules haven't lined up.
She's on press duty. Some film premiere. Probably some dinner meetings. And you're knee deep in double shifts, hustling through beauty calls, corporate campaigns, and multiple shopping runs to buy products.
It's only been texts. Half of them inappropriate. The other half?
Even worse...sweet.
Just notifications. No hands, no mouths, nothing.
Mon 9:43 PM
her: what if I had my mouth on you rn?
her: wouldn't be tired then huh
You remember reading that on the train, half asleep, with a model's leftover bronzer still on your hand. You didn’t answer right away. Not because you're prideful. But because you couldn’t believe someone who acts like you don’t exist in public can still make you feel so seen in private.
Still, as always you replied:
Mon 9:47 PM
you: my legs would probably shake, not gonna lie
you: but maybe i'd claw your back...only a little. since you're into pain and all ;)
Mon 9:49 PM
her: don't say shit like that while im at dinner
her: with fucking tina carr no less
You know exactly how long it's been since you were pressed against the mirror in her trailer. The fading marks on your shoulders acted as a timer.
Tue 12:45 AM
She sends you a blurry photo. Her hand curled lazily over her bare stomach, nothing else in frame but a white duvet. The message underneath:
her: miss ur hands
You pretend not to check it immediately. You wait five minutes. Then ten. Then reply:
Tue 12:54 aM
you: thought your little girlfriend would keep them busy.
She doesn’t reply right away.
Tue 1:04 aM
her: you're jealous
You chew your nails. She always does this. Takes control with honesty.
You scoff to yourself:
Tue 1:10 AM
you: you r not that special.
you: i've seen better stomachs.
She leaves you on read. Thirty minutes pass before the voice memo notification lights up your phone.
You're hesitant to press play. And when you do: her voice is low, breathy.
[ "that's cute. that attitude," she murmurs. "You really think I'm letting anyone else touch me? Anyone else see the way my thighs shake when your mouth is on me? You wanna talk about being special...look in the fucking mirror next time I cum. That's who I'm talking about." ]
You lie on your side in bed, pulse racing, hands tucked between your legs. Feeling yourself react. Hating how fast you fold. Hating how much she knows it.
You answer in the morning. A photo of you freshly showered, wrapped in towel. Face covered, body on display.
She texts back in under a minute:
Tue 8:15 AM
her: Drive to me.
her: Right now.
But you can’t. You’re booked for four more jobs. Long hours. Shoots. Music videos. Last-minute house calls for an influencer who doesn’t know how to blend contour.
You hate being busy. Mostly because it means watching her be seen in public with Tina Carr.
The internet eats it up. Fans posting edits, talks about them in forums. Spotting them in public, at concerts, soft glow blurry photos of her and Tina hugging in oversized hoodies that could easily be shared.
It makes your chest go cold. Makes you remember what her body language looks like when it’s honest. When it's tangled with yours in lowlight rooms and backseat cars.
It’d be funny if it wasn’t so… tired. If you weren’t in it. If it wasn’t your lipstick she still wears with all that expensive clothing.
If you didn't have to stay quiet.
You're annoyed at the distance.
Annoyed with the messages you read in bed, curled around a pillow, phone warm in your hand. Sometimes you’re mid-set, being rushed, too much to do, not enough sleep...still typing back.
༺♱༻
No fancy envelope, no cursive print, no glittery 'save the date' with perfume scented seal. You don't even get a real invitation.
You receive a group text.
[ hey babes!! <3
you're officially on the list for my 21st!!!! biggest baddest birthday bash of the year. think Miami meets St. Tropez meets burlesque.
You ladies are the V.I.Ps of the party.
THE GLOW UP TEAM! touch-up my guests.
Keep them pretty throughout the night. Can't wait to have you ps. bring something cute to wear.
xoxo ~ B <3 ]
The "B" is short for Bambi (no last name since it's part of the persona).
The Paris Hilton wannabe socialite. Also an influencer—slash—nepotism baby who started her own brand, that did pretty good despite the media clowning her.
She's turning 21. You and the others got "invited," but the unspoken rule is clear: You're not a guest.
You're the maintenance crew: You, a hairstylist, another makeup artist, and a seamstress named Carla who's always got safety pins in her mouth and a cigarette in her pockets.
You're brought in to keep people looking flawless even after they've had four tequila shots and a bathroom breakdown.
You're not surprised. This is how it always goes for people like you. You're allowed into the party
...but only so long as you're useful.
༺♱༻
The invitation said 9:00 PM --- but for you, the party started at six.
You arrive three hours early, rushing across the marble floor of the rented venue with a duffle bag heavy on your shoulder and your kit box clicking at your side. The space is ridiculous: all white and chrome and curved architecture, with a balcony that hangs above.
Soft pink lighting already pulses against the walls, even though the actual party hasn't started yet. There's champagne chilling in a pyramid of glass near the dance floor, and speakers taller than you humming with lazy bass.
The other stylists are unpacking near a curtained-off area in the corner of the room. The little backstage. The team has done this before. Touch-ups for a rotating group, wardrobe panics over popping seams or broken straps.
This is normal.
"Hey," says Mel. A hairstylist you recognize from another job a few weeks ago. Smoky eyes and always chewing gum. She gives you a wave without stopping her flat iron. "You're late."
"I'm early," you say, tugging open your kit. "We're ALL early."
"Yea, welp, try telling that to Miss Shiny Hair." You looked over to where Mel's flat iron was pointing at. Bambi was linking her arms with the party coordinator.
"She texted me FIVE times this morning," Mel continues, rolling her eyes. "Wanted to know if we could change her entire look twice throughout the night. Girl, we aren't in an M.V."
You smirk and pop open a palette. "Let me guess. She wants to go from Barbie to Bratz?"
"She said 'coquette to dominatrix," Mel says, deadpan. "Swear to God."
By 7:30, everyone's in motion. The other MUA, Jenna, is airbrushing contour onto one of Bambi's friends. Carla is fixing a bejeweled strap that won’t stop sliding down some model's thin shoulder. Your corner is cluttered with primer bottles and the sweet mist smell of setting spray.
You don't know who will show up tonight. You don't ask. You just work.
But somewhere in the back of your mind, behind the lash glue and blush brushes and the mental checklist of who still needs powder, you thought:
Will she be here?
You'd asked, half joking, if she'd show up tonight.
Sat 7:43 PM
you: Heard Bambi is having a birthday party and only invited cool important ppl. r you going?
She didn't answer.
But you knew she'd never misses a good party.
༺♱༻
8:20 PM, the venue's energy shifts.
The lighting darkens. Catering staff starts arranging trays of tiny hors d’oeuvres, glitter-dusted macarons, heart-shaped sushi rolls, three different flavors of champagne.
In the little styling corner, Bambi’s instructions still echo: "I want you all to blend in, kay?! Like...be hot girl staff. Sexy glam team. I don't want anyone looking like...you know...Anyways! You guys are artist. Look like art."
You'd smiled through it earlier when she said it with her fake humble giggle. Diamond tooth gems and pink acrylics, her rhinestoned heels tapping.
The four of you are in a rush. There’s one mirror in the staff bathroom. Two ring lights. A half-drained bottle of Prosecco someone snuck in. Clothes are flying, you’re helping lashes get glued, edges laid in a hurry. Everyone’s barely dressed and sweaty, but laughing.
Mel's in a skin tight black dress that zips up on the side. "I look like a sexy pepper grinder," she says, adjusting her boobs in the mirror. The smell of fresh mint lingers. "'Dis too much tits?"
Jenna's throwing on a sheer corset top. "There's no such thing as too much tits. It's Bambi's party. We're legally required to look like this."
Carla’s in the backless jumpsuit she made herself. She’s sewing her own hem up while crouched barefoot on the marble.
You unzip your own bag, pulling out the dress. The one you weren’t sure you’d wear.
Silver, sparkly, short, and sexy. Shimmers like wet light when it moves.
You bought it for a party you didn’t end up going to, a few months back.
You hold it up against your body for a second, unsure. Then catch your own reflections.
Something clicks.
You change fast, smoothing the fabric over your hips, stepping carefully into your heels. Hair's already done; soft, clean, like you had your own team giving you touch-ups. You fix your face in the mirror while the others rush around you.
"You look good. I see you," Jenna mutters with a grin, tapping her lips with a gloss wand.
Mel lets out a low whistle. "You better not let the birthday girl see you. Probably won't get paid tonight."
You laugh, but there’s heat behind your ears. Your stomach does this stupid little flip. Because you’re not just dressing for yourself. You know who you’re hoping will see you tonight.
"We ALL look good, lets be real," you say, posing for Carla's picture.
Someone sprays setting spray in the air like it’s perfume. There’s a sense of anticipation now. You aren’t prepping for a party, but a performance.
And when you step out that bathroom, sliver dress on your hips, heels tapping against the floor. You don't look like a makeup artist.
You look like you're gonna be a problem.
Her problem.
༺♱༻
The party, like the real party, is already an hour in.
You heels? Ache.
Your smile? Fake.
And you've powdered more foreheads than you can count. Including the birthday girl herself, who called you her "Beauty Fairy"
...then ignored you when a reality TV star waved her over for pictures.
You've been working nonstop. Darting between guests, slipping behind velvet curtains to grab your makeup kit, brushing highlighter over cheekbones, dabbing sweat off T-zones for good pictures. Lip gloss reapplications. Models and influencers swarm in waves—red-shot eyes, glossy skin, smelling like coconut.
You nod politely. Smile for “thank yous” that never come. Pretend your feet aren’t screaming in those expensive heels. Your back aches. Still, even on autopilot, you're aware of the door. You keep checking.
You blend for another second, then glance up toward the entrance across the venue.
And there she is.
Not just her.
Tina Carr walks in first—smiling, glowing, laughing at something one of those YouTube twins says as they wave at her. The room is eating her up already. She's good at this. For fuck’s sake, she’s this generation’s Horror Princess. Dressed in pink, hair blown out, thin heels. A goddess. What every girl here wants to be. And it makes your throat tighten.
Walking besides Tina is her. The opposite of everything in this room: leather jacket off, resting on her arm, tattoos visible, pants slung low on her hips—wide. Vintage belt. Vintage shoes. Rings stacked on her fingers. Nails in glossy clear polish. Sunglasses. Indoors. At night. Daring you to look. And you do. You can’t not.
While Tina's light and glitter and fake smiles. She's cool and distant. A Rock star without trying. Unapologetically herself.
Your heart drops when your eyes lock on her. You never told her you'd be working this party. But the moment she spots you, a second of genuine surprise crosses her face. A raw look saying: 'You're really here?'
Wide eyed disbelief.
You catch her for a heartbeat. Then she smooths her expression, pulling the sunglasses lower on her nose as if to hide that second of surprise.
You shift your weight. Pretend to fix your station. Ignore the feeling in your chest, in your throat, in your stomach. Pretend you didn’t just lose your breath. Pretend your skin isn’t reacting like her stare has the same effect as her hands.
But your heart’s not pretending. It’s pounding. Because compared to all the celebrities here...the producer’s kids who’ve never worked a day in their lives. Tina is just another pretty girl in a dress.
But next to her. She makes you feel like the star.
You glance down. Adjust a makeup palette. Try to focus. You can still feel her looking. Tingles climbing your spine. Like she’s already undoing your dress with her eyes, slowly.
And you hate her for it.
You LOVE her for it.
༺♱༻
Bambi’s taking shots with people twice her age, and the air smells like hairspray, vape, sweat, and tangy liquor. You’re meant to be cleaning your small station--
Except she’s right behind you. Leaning against the setup table like she belongs there. Like she hasn’t been stuck across the room playing PR princess with Tina all night.
Her shirt’s half unbuttoned, and she’s looking at you like you’re the only real thing in the room.
"Hey," she's soft, as if she's telling a secret.
You straighten. Your heart flutters. She’s already smiling when you turn. Soft and tired. You’re her breath of fresh air.
And for once, her eyes aren't hungry. They're warm.
"Thought I was going crazy," she speaks up, hands in her back pockets. "Didn't know you were gonna be here."
"It's work," you say, gesturing toward the open kits, the line of small mirrors, and recyclable applicators.
"I figured,"she says, voice competing with the music’s beat drop, "but you look too good to be working."
You expect the usual flick of her tongue over her teeth, some smug look in her eyes, but it doesn't come. She's not flirting. She's admiring.
"Bambi's b-day," you say like that explains anything. "She wanted everyone glammed up. Even the help."
She hums, "She's got taste."
You tilt your head, "You know her?"
"Met her once. She tried to sit on my lap during a perfume shoot. Told me she was recently 18 years old," she shrugs.
You laugh before you can stop yourself, and her smile grows.
"She's so real for that. And chaotic," you mutter.
She shifts a little closer. Not touching. Too much attention, too many eyes, too many phones. You feel the tension of it.
"You do look really pretty tonight."
You’re caught off guard. Again. It’s soft. Genuine. A little shy, even.
It’s not new; she’s said those words before. Whispered them when her hands were under your top. Groaned them between kisses.
"Thanks," your voice a little smaller than intended. "You--uh....don't look bad either."
She raises an eyebrow. "Wow. How sweet."
You giggle. Heart climbing.
You’re not used to those kinds of compliments from her without lust behind them. So it lands deeper. Like it’s not about the dress or the fantasy. But you.
"Don't let Bambi wear you out," she murmurs, hands still in her pockets as she steps away. "You deserve to enjoy the night too."
She disappears into the crowd. Back to the noise, back toward Tina and the image she's portraying.
And you’re just standing there… completely thrown off. Her words echo. They were honest. And that? Messes you up more than anything else tonight.
For the next twenty minutes, you try to focus. Stay grounded.
Nonetheless, you feel it with every cell of your skin. She’s not just craving you.
She cares.
And you don't know what to do with that.
༺♱༻
Breaks don't really exist at parties like this, not real ones, anyway. You only get thirty-five-minutes break.
Technically it’s supposed to be thirty, but Bambi got distracted flirting with a DJ, and the other makeup artist covered your last powder check. So when the glam team rotates for food or smoke, you slip out.
The venue is too packed to breathe properly.
You head toward the back hallway like you’ve done this before--because you have. The coat closet isn’t glamorous, but it’s quiet. Cold from the vents. Dimly lit. Smells like perfume and the airport.
It's not really a closet.
It’s massive, more like a storage room. Walls lined with coats and designer garment bags. A bottle of champagne is tucked between someone’s Balenciaga trench and a pink faux fur, like it was stashed for later.
You let the door close, lean back with a sigh, let the silence press into your bones. It’s only now you realize your feet are killing you.
You slide off your heels. Stretch. Let your head tip back. Cool silence settling on your skin.
Heels were pinching. Your head’s spinning from heat, perfume, and whatever sentimental TOP 40 remix has been on loop.
Worst of all?
You haven't stopped thinking about her.
You do look really pretty tonight.
Your chest aches.
You’d almost rather she grabbed you in the hallway; dirty and fast. Then you could call it lust. Deny what you’re starting to feel.
You’re not even alone for sixty seconds before you hear it: the soft click of the knob.
It's her. You don't even have to ask.
She slips inside, quiet. Closes the door behind her. Her footsteps are slow. Familiar. She’s already got that look on her face: the one she wears when she’s trying not to feel too much.
"Tina asked if I wanted to dance," she says casually, like she's trying to fill the quiet. "Told her I needed air."
Your arch a brow. "This is where you get air?"
"I wanted to see you."
You clear your throat. Tuck your hair behind your ear. "You did see me. On the floor. Working."
"Yea," she says. "But not like this."
A second of silence. Then she steps closer.
"You've been killing me all night," her voice low. "Do you know what it’s like to see you across a room and not be allowed to touch you?"
You look at her; jaw, collar peeking from that open shirt, fingers twitching like they want to reach for you.
"It's not like you've ever had trouble sneaking around before."
"That's was before people started watching."
"They've been watching you for a while," you shoot back.
"Yea," she says. "But now they think I belong to someone else."
That stings, you look away.
She's closer now, shoulder to shoulder. And you hate how much you still want her.
Her voice dips to a whisper. "You really didn't tell me you'd be here?"
You shake your head, "Didn't want to be a distraction."
"You are." Her fingers brush the hem of your silver dress. Making sure you’re real.
Your body reacts. The silence is loud.
"You're gonna get us both in trouble," you murmur.
You glance at the door. "We don't have time. I'm on break...thirty-five minutes..." your eyes shoot up. "...barely."
"We've got..." she checks her wrist watch. "Twenty....eight? Minutes."
You laugh despite yourself. But when you look at her again, her gaze is softer.
She says your name once. Low.
When you look up, she’s not looking at your mouth. She’s looking in your eyes.
"I wanted to see you," she repeats, quieter. "Not just texts. Not just backstage. I missed you."
It's not dramatic nor performative.
You forget what you're supposed to say. Forget the party. Forget Tina, Bambi, the confetti cannon, PR.
It's just the two of you. Her eyes on you. Maybe she's missed all of you. And the distance wasn't just scheduling.
Like maybe she's scared too.
♱
The quiet between you has settled into something dense and magnetic. Gravity rearranged itself to pull the two of you closer. Her hands are in her pockets now, because if they weren't, you know exactly where they'd be on you, already.
You don't know what you were about to say, something about rules, or maybe her PR team, or that Tina's probably looking for her, but then the bassline hums through the wall.
Muffled, yet unmistakable: Your song
The one that made you late to work once because you couldn't stop dancing in your bedroom with a foundation puff in your hand. The one that makes you feel like a bad bitch.
You glance at the wall like you can see through it.
"I loveee this song," you say, more to yourself than her.
She watches your expression change. Amusement curls at the corner of her mouth. "You're gonna dance for me?"
"Depends..."
"On?"
"If you deserve it."
That makes her tilt her head, smirking deepening. "Oh, I do."
The tempo pulses harder now. Audible enough through the closet door to set a rhythm in your chest. You roll your eyes. You feel different, hot and playful. So, you start to move.
First it was only your hips, slow. A teasing sway, subtle enough to act like it's not on purpose. Her eyes follow every shift of your body like they're forced there. Her mouth parts, just a little.
Your drag your fingers up the curve of your own waist, letting the music take over.
"You are..." she breathes, but doesn't finish. She forgot how to speak mid thought.
You spin once, letting the hem of your silver dress flutter. Clumsily, hip knocking the coat rack. Your dress flipping high enough to tease. When you face her again, she hasn't moved. You're tormenting her, the best kind of torment.
You step closer, still dancing. Not touching her (not yet) enough that she feels the air off your movement. The drop in the songs hits, and you smile like the devil.
"You like the view?" you ask, voice sickly sweet.
She laughs once under her breath, a quiet, "You're evil." She can barely hold herself back.
"Touch me and I'll stop," you say, voice sing song soft.
She groans, deep in her throat. "You're actually killin' me."
"I'm only dancing."
"You're ruining me."
You lean in, just close enough that your mouth brushes her ear.
"Good," you whisper. And pull back again. She lets out a low curse, one hand curls into a fist in her pocket.
You keep dancing, hips lazy, not caring what's happening outside the door. Not caring that you're on a break and she's technically supposed to be someone else's fantasy.
Right now, she's only looking at you. And she looks starving.
"You're so not gonna last twenty-eight minutes," you tease, spinning again.
She exhales hard, runs a hand through her hair.
"Get over here," she finally says, voice hoarse, cracking.
You don't even say anything when you step closer, just smile like you already know how this ends. The second you reach her, she grabs your waist. Pulls you in like she's starved.
The self control she's been clinging to all night has finally snapped.
This is hunger.
She kisses like she's trying to memorize your taste, like she wants to forget the rest of the world entirely and get drunk off you. You melt against her, fingers in her hair, gripping tight.
You can't believe she waited days. You can't believe YOU did.
"I missed you," she says into your mouth. It's breathless.
It sounds almost like an apology.
You don't answer. You don't need to. Your hands drop to the waistband of her pants.
She gasps softly when your fingers brush the skin of her stomach. Her grip on your hips tightens like she's trying to hold herself, but she lets you move.
You drop onto your knees and look up at her. The floor cool against your shins. She exhales your name like a confession.
Looks down at you like she can't believe it. The way you look up and don't look away. "Fuck," she breathes, leaning against the coat rack. One hand in your hair, cautiously. Respectfully.
You move slow at first, dragging your hands up her thighs, over the fabric that barely clings to her hips. You tug open her fly, watching her face. She bites her lip, lashes fluttering. Her body's already trembling under your hands.
"You okay?" you mumble, just to see her eyes flicker.
"I will be," she exhales.
Her pants, the ones that make you dizzy. Low and wide, slung loose like she didn't give a fuck, like she never does. Her shirt's half tucked in and already wrinkled. Her belt is undone like she never finished redressing.
Perfect.
You press your mouth over the V of her pants, kiss the seam. She twitches. Your palm drags slow over her, enough pressure to make her groan, hips pushing forward on instinct.
"Baby..." she whispers, fingers tightening in your hair.
You lower her jeans, just enough. Her breath stuttering when the cool air hits her skin. She's already soo ready for you, and you haven't even touched her properly yet.
You kiss her hipbone...bite it.
You kiss lower.
Her head knocks gently back against the wall, eyes fluttering shut.
Your mouth finally finds her, and she breaks.
A gasp, a moan, her whole body reacting. Her hand fists in your hair as her knees begin to buckle, hips rolling toward your mouth. You steady her with both hands on her thighs, hold her open, and take your time.
Your tongue moves slow, purposefully, teasing at first. To make her squirm, to make her beg with nothing but the way her hips roll toward your mouth.
"God...baby," she gasps, voice shaking. "Please... don’t stop."
You don’t plan to. Not when she’s this wet. Not when she’s falling apart for you like this...being so needy.
You drag your tongue through her folds, slow and filthy, then flick the tip up to her clit. She jolts, thighs trembling, a whimper tearing from her throat. Her hands grip your hair tighter, grounding herself on you like she needs it to breathe.
You smile against her. Flatten your tongue and lick a long, slow line up her. Just to hear her moan. She’s so sensitive. So desperate.
"Fuck, that---right there," she pants, hips jerking.
You do it again, circling her clit with the flat of your tongue, then sucking; light at first, then harder when she whines. Her thighs try to close around your head, but you hold her open, firm hands pressing into her skin. She’s soaked. Dripping onto your tongue.
You lick her like you own her.
Like you need her.
Like this is all you’ve been thinking about since the last time. Those nights you couldn’t stop replaying the sounds she makes, the way she tastes, how sweet and lewd it is to have her shaking in your mouth.
You flick your tongue faster now, lips wrapped around her clit, then let one hand slip lower, fingers teasing at her entrance. She gasps your name, broken, high-pitched, and tries to pull you even closer.
You slide one finger inside. She clenches around it, tight and soaked and ready.
"More," she pleads, barely a whisper.
You give her another. Two fingers curling up, pressing deep. Her whole body tenses, and you moan against her as she starts to ride your mouth in desperate little rolls of her hips, chasing the high.
You’re soaked too, thighs clenched together, aching. But you don’t stop.
Can’t. Not when she’s close like this. Not when she’s breathing so uneven, panting your name like it’s the only word she remembers.
"God--fuck--I hate this," she groans.
You lift your gaze, chin glistening. "Do you?"
"I hate that we have to do this here. I hate that I can’t touch you. I hate that I--" she cuts herself off with a gasp when you go deeper.
"You hate that you want me this bad," you say into her skin.
She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t have to.
You flick your tongue faster. Her grip in your hair tightens. She’s close. You know her body well enough now to feel it. When she starts trying to pull away, even as her thighs lock around you. You chase her down, mouth nonstop.
She cums with a hand over her own mouth, eyes squeezed shut.
You don’t stop until her body slumps forward, thighs shaking, whimpering your name like she’s about to cry.
And then you pull back, licking your lips, catching your breath. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, and then rest your chin on her thigh.
"Still hate it?" you whisper. She looks down at you, dazed and wrecked.
"God, I love you."
You pause. And then the music changes. The spell breaks.
She straightens, tugs her jeans up, breathing hard.
"I didn’t mean to--"
You’re already standing, dress still flawless, expression unreadable. "We should go," you murmur.