You first notice it when he’s got you laid on your back in his bed, his thick fingers pumping in and out of you. His foreheads resting against your own as you bite your lip, trying to stay relatively quiet. But when he shoves his fingers in and curls, your mouth flys open, a sharp gasp spilling from your lips.
Pope nods “there it is.” he whispers while your heads rolled back against the pillows, eyes shut. His thumb moving over your clit. His palm squelching against your sex as he curls his fingers, pushing rougher against that spongy spot inside you. “You can take em’” he nods and you realize now he’s talking to you, he wasn’t before. You clench around them and he nods, thumb pushing harder against your button, “good girl.”
—
The next time you notice him doing it is when he’s eating you out. Your legs are spread open for him, pussy clenching around nothing. “S’ pretty” he whispers as he moves down, kitten licking at your clit. “she tastes to good” he whispers into you, his lips wetting from being pressed against your arousal.
You can see his arm start to move and know he’s jerking himself off while he’s on his knees. He’s whimpering into you, slobbering all over your cunt and sucking it back up, tongue flicking against you. Pope lets out soft grunts before pushing his tongue deep inside you, flicking it around. His idle hand moving up to squeeze your breast. “So good.” He pipes up, pulling back and looking at you. “You’re so perfect.” He says at a normal volume before diving back in. You’re smiling to yourself, back arching up off the mattress and hands tangling in his hair.
—
When you finally say something it’s when he’s inside you. His face is dropped into your neck, panting against your skin as he moves his hips. “feels made for me.” He whispers into your skin, but you can’t hear him well so you pull his head back to look at him. “What?” You ask out of breath. “What?” He asks back, hips slowing. “I didn’t hear what you said” you smile, brushing sweaty strands of hair out of his face.
“I didn’t say anything.” He shakes his head, eyebrows scrunching together. You know he did, you felt his lips move against your neck. But he’s not admitting to it and looks genuinely confused so you figure it wasn’t for you. “Okay” you giggle, hands moving down to squeeze his ass, making him groan and push his hips back into you.
when teenagers start throwing roadkill carcasses over the fence of the zoo, there's only one person you can call. boyd fowler is an odd fellow, but you find yourself harboring a certain fondness for him. will the fondness remain when he kidnaps you all for himself? (spoiler alert: yes)
Warnings: DD:DNE!! reader with a backstory, reader collects animal skulls, boyd is not a rapist serial killer in this fic, he’s just a pathetic pervy loser with some Tendencies, like he skins roadkill instead of killing people, boyd flirts by showing you a dead raccoon, you’re kinda into it, animal death, stalking, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome, reader is waaaay too okay with what is happening, SMUT (18+), oral (f receiving), one use of pussy pronouns, unprotected sex, breeding kink (no pregnancy), boyd is down bad and a bush-enjoying eater, scent kink (because remember who’s fics youre reading tf. like c’mon), he genuinely loves you but just doesnt know how to go about it, reader manipulates him a bit, no pronouns used for reader, no use of y/n, reader is called ‘ma’am’
A/N: dedicated to the three (3) boyd fans out there (specifically @defijones who has been waiting so patiently for this. love u <3). gotta use my zoology degree somehow *shrugs* (this is so self indulgent its not even funny LMAO) also part of this was written in the middle of the Pacific Ocean
w.c. 16.3k wheeeew
You thought that moving to Miami would solve all your issues. You weren’t running per se, but you were desperate to get out of your living situation. A shitty roommate, a crazy ex, a dead-end job. You really just needed to get away. So you scoured the AZA job board and eventually got an email back from a privately owned animal park in Miami. You packed up everything you owned. It all fit in a single U-haul trailer hitched to your car. You had conflicting feelings about seeing all your worldly possessions within a single 6x12 trailer. You were glad that it was easy to move, but fuck. All the years you had been living and that’s all you had to prove it? It was even worse when you unpacked the boxes. They were stacked in the living room of your studio apartment. The shitty couch you had found was already nestled into its spot facing your TV and its stand. Outside of the necessities- bed, cookware, your animal oddities collection- you didn’t have much. You hung up the nature scene tapestry and a few band posters and stood back to admire your work. The apartment looked so cold. So lifeless. So…uninviting, honestly. You made a vow to yourself that once your first paycheck hit, you’d get some lamps to add soft light to the room instead of the harsh overhead ceiling sconce. And you did. As the initial weeks passed, you settled into your role as a small-omnivore zookeeper and as a resident of Miami. You got a rug for your apartment, a really soft one that you enjoyed running your feet over. But something was still missing. There was a disconnect. When you walked through the door after your shift, you never felt the rush of satisfaction of being home for the night. It honestly felt like you were staying at a hotel. You didn’t think much of it and just chalked it up to being in a new place. Surely it would pass eventually.
It was going to be another hot and humid day. You could feel it. Even though it was only eight in the morning and the sun hung low in the sky, you could feel the wet heat beginning to trap the fabric of your dark uniform shirt against your back. Summer was in full swing and the smell of freshly mowed grass and the chorus of birds filled the air. The animals spent more time out in their habitats rather than their climate-controlled houses. You said good morning to each one as you walked down the path carrying a bucket of vegetables for the lemurs. It was part of your morning routine. Clock in, prepare the vegetables and fruits for the small omnivores, divide them up into color-coded buckets depending on species, add in any medications or dietary supplements, and distribute them accordingly. The lemurs were the last to go. You had already made your rounds to the other habitats. The opossums had climbed up onto your shoulder as you scooped their food into their dishes. You liked the opossums. There were two at the zoo, kept separate due to behavioral issues, but they were both sweet to you and relatively well-behaved. Though, that morning, Chuck had slapped you in the face with his tail while trying to jump down from your shoulder and into the food bucket. You had to scruff him and gently place him into the grass. He waddled back up and pawed at the leg of your cargo pants. He looked up at you with his round little eyes and an over-bite that made you apologize sincerely before topping off his bowl.
The sound of your boots hitting the pavement was the only thing that broke up the quiet morning. The zoo was about to open and you cherished the quiet time before the screaming kids flooded the walkways. You turned down the pathway leading to the lemur house and stopped abruptly. The head keeper stood there, hands on his hips and looking down at the row of bushes that lined the perimeter fence. His brow was furrowed and he was muttering to himself, mustache twitching with silent words, and shaking his head. You cleared your throat to alert him to your presence and he looked up.
“Oh, good morning.” He mumbled.
“Morning, Stan. Is everything okay?” Stan let out a huff of air and took off his hat, scratching at his scalp. He motioned you over with a jerk of his head. You placed the feed bucket on the ground and walked over. You didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t what you saw. In the bushes was a dead opossum, jaws wide and eyes picked out by birds. Its fur was blood-stained and its abdomen was crushed. Its little pink fingers were stiff and part of its tail was missing. Roadkill.
“Damn teenagers,” Stan spat. “Pickin’ up roadkill and throwing it over the fence. Do it at least once a month.”
“Poor thing.” You sighed, brows knitting together with sympathy. You imagined Chuck like that, a sweet creature lifeless and discarded as part of a prank. It made your stomach clench. Accidentally running over an animal was one thing, but scraping its corpse off asphalt and hoisting it over a zoo’s fence like garbage? Despicable. Stan took a deep breath and sighed, putting his hat back on his head.
“Listen, kid, I’ve got a lot of work to do before we open.” He told you. “Do you think you can take care of this? Call the county collection people. Tell ‘em it’s not an emergency and it’s on a staff path. The gatehouse will radio you when the guy gets here. Bring him back and he’ll do his thing.” You nodded along to his instructions. Stan placed an appreciative hand on your shoulder. “Thanks.” From inside the house, you heard the lemurs screaming. “I think they’re hungry.” Stan chuckled and handed you the bucket of food before he walked away.
An hour later, your radio buzzed to life. The guardhouse called you down to the back entrance and said the Department of Sanitation had finally sent someone. You took the radio from its clip on your belt and assured them you’d be right down. After weaving through crowds of visitors, trying not to trip over a child who was trying to scoop up his dropped ice cream, you finally emerged on the other side of the zoo. You walked through the zoo’s office and made your way to the staff entrance. Through the double-wide glass doors, you could see a yellow truck with the county logo painted on the side. The sun glared off the aluminum of the truck’s hood and you had to shield your eyes as you walked back out into the hot Florida sun. The air conditioning of the building had been nice, and you felt any remnants of cool air whipped away from your keeper’s uniform. You cursed whoever mandated the dark green t-shirt and black cargo pants combination for workers who were outside all day.
You approached the van and found its driver sitting in the back of the bed. He kicked his suspended feet aimlessly while he waited for you, back hunched and fingers drumming on the metal.
“Hi,” You greeted, holding up your hand to shield your eyes from the sun. The man turned to look at you, a little startled, and jumped from the bed. “I’m assuming you’re here for the collection?” He nodded and reached out his hand with a smile. You could see a peak of his crooked teeth and it made you smile back.
“Yes, ma’am,” He confirmed, shaking your hand. “Boyd Fowler.” You introduced yourself and led him up to the doors and scanned your ID badge, unlocking the building and stepping inside.
“You have perfect timing,” You told him as you walked him through the zoo. “Saved me from having to shovel badger shit.” Boyd chuckled.
“Yea, sorry we weren’t here sooner. There was a gator th’got hit and dangerous calls are always the priority. Never know if those things are dead.”
“Was it?”
“Dunno,” Boyd shrugged. “Didn’t find it. Probably wandered off somewhere.” You hummed in interest and turned the corner onto the staff path behind the lemur building. You stopped at the bushes. The opossum was still draped across the branches, though it was now considerably smellier and covered in flies. Boyd clicked his tongue when he saw it, grabbing the gloves from his pocket and widening his stance to examine the scene.
“My boss says there’s a group of teenagers that do this sort of thing often.” you explained softly.
“Poor thing,” Boyd mused, using a single gloved finger to lift up the opossum’s paw. He twitched his nose to reposition his glasses. “No defensive marks. Just roadkill. Been dead for a few days.”
“How can you tell?” You took a step closer, peering over Boyd’s shoulder to look at the carcass. A small breeze shook the trees. He smelled like sweat, but not in a bad way, and something a little more unnatural. Almost chemical.
“The blood on its fur isn’t really red anymore. Means it’s been dried for a while. And the eyes are pecked out. So the birds have had time to get to it.” He explained.
“That’s so interesting. How do you know that?” Your question was innocent, but his shoulders tensed slightly before shrugging.
“Gotta know your craft.” He turned to you and grinned. He dug into one of his pockets and pulled out a roll of trashbags. “Now usually, I just carry it back to my truck, but I have a feeling you don’t want me to traumatize all these kids by parading around a rotting carcass.”
“That would be appreciated, yes.” You took a step to the side to let Boyd do his job. You watched him while he worked. He was wearing a backwards cap, curly hair poking through the opening. It looked brown, but when the light hit it just right, you swore you could see some ginger strands. The color was reflected in his mustache and the tiny bit of chest hair that poked out from underneath his khaki county-issued shirt. The top button was undone and you noticed the bottom two were as well. His green canvas belt was barely holding up his black cargo pants. You could see a thin band of his underwear above the waistline and you wondered how he got past the guard house looking like that. Usually, guests had to stick to a dress code, family friendly establishment and all that, but you could see the dusting of freckles that covered his belly and his chest. And, of course, that covered his muscled arms. His biceps flexed as he shook out the trashbag. You weren’t necessarily complaining, but you knew you would be getting a few looks from uptight parents escorting this sweaty, half-dressed man carrying a trashbag around. Boyd gently picked up the carcass and slid it into the bag. You shivered at the plopping sound it made. Boyd looked at you and lifted up the bag triumphantly with a polite smile.
“Done.”
When you got back to the truck, he hoisted the garbage bag into the back of his truck and took off his gloves. He procured a small bottle of hand sanitizer from his shirt pocket and squeezed a glob into his palms. He held it out to you and you turned your hands over, allowing him to place some in yours too.
“Can never be too careful,” He said, rubbing the sanitizer into his skin. “Tons of bacteria on a dead animal. Live ones, too, but I’m sure you knew that.”
“Yea,” You smiled, patting the excess onto your pant legs. “We have to wash our hands between each enclosure.”
“S’good habit to have.” Boyd rounded the truck and hopped into the driver’s seat. The air fresheners hanging from the mirror swayed with the movement.
“I like your deer freshener." You pointed at the square that was hanging beside the iconic green tree. “Deer are my favorite. I grew up in an area where there were loads of them. I always liked watching them.” The words seemed to earn a genuine smile from him.
“Thanks,” His eyes scanned your face and he looked you up and down, like he was trying to decide something. Boyd dug a crumpled business card from his pocket. “Listen, I’ve gotten this call before. As the summer goes on, there’s usually more.” He handed you the card and you took it. He tapped the number with his finger. “If it happens again, this is my direct line. Sometimes it takes a while for it to go into the system if you go through a dispatcher.” You nodded, a little unsure if he was really just trying to help you professionally. On the way back to the truck, you had caught him checking out your ass.
“Alright,” you told him anyway, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Boyd. Have a nice day.” You tucked the card into the pocket of your pants and waved to him as he drove off. You had forgotten all about the card until you got home. It had been a long day of changing out bedding and creating enrichment toys. When you collapsed onto your couch with a drink, you felt the hard cardstock poke your thigh. You retrieved the card and frowned at it, taking a sip of your drink. You sighed and put it in your wallet.
Boyd had been right. After a few weeks passed, you began to find more animals littered on the pathways. Never in the same spot, and never the same species. A skunk here, five rats there. One of your coworkers said that, yea, it happened sometimes, but this year was by far the worst. You were getting one every week. You noticed that it only happened while you were working. Which wasn’t saying much, you only had 3 days off a week, but the days you had off rotated and they never had to call something in when you weren’t there. The lack of a pattern made it hard for the police to come up with an explanation. They had simply told you to install more cameras. The zoo directors took the advice, but you knew they didn’t have the funding to rewire the system. The newly added cameras didn’t work. They were just used as deterrence.
For the first month, you always called in to the Department hotline. You filled out the report and waited like you were supposed to. But today was different. Two of the zookeepers were out sick. Since there were already such a low number of workers, the absence of two pushed you to consider the department officially understaffed. You had to do all of your duties as well as take on half of the additional workload. You were stressed out of your mind, planning how to incorporate the new tasks into your already full schedule. You worked all day with an edge and you were counting down the minutes until your lunch break. You rounded the corner to the giraffe habitat and of course, laying on the welcome mat of the giraffe house, was a dead raccoon. You let out a growl of frustration and stomped your foot. You really did not have time for this. You closed your eyes and forced yourself to take a deep breath. Great. Wonderful. Now you had to push back your entire day just to sit on hold for a hotline. An idea poked into the frustration. You dug your wallet out of your pocket and opened it up. Looking back at you was the tattered edge of the business card Boyd gave you. You sighed with conflict. You really shouldn’t. You should go through the proper channels and report this, so it could be added to the file. But Boyd had given you his number. And to be fair, Boyd was always the one who showed up for the calls. You were on a first-name basis with him. Surely he wouldn’t mind. Plus he’d have to report it anyway. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you dialed the number written on the card. On the second ring, the call went through.
“Boyd Fowler.” His voice came through the speaker. It sounded slightly distorted, but professional.
“Hey, it’s me,” You started.
“Oh! Hi…” You could hear the surprise in his voice.
“I, um. I hope it’s okay that I called you.” Your words were a little shaky and you nervously shifted on your feet. “There’s a raccoon. A dead one. Can you…”
“Yea,” You heard the blinker of his truck flick on. “I’m pretty close by. Should be there in…like five minutes?”
Sure enough, six minutes later, the yellow truck you had memorized pulled into the parking lot. At least the giraffe house was directly next to the staff entrance.
“Thank you for coming,” You told him as he gathered his things. “I would have called the line but I’m way too busy to wait. I’d rather just get it over with.”
“No worries. You can always call me.” Boyd smiled at you, crinkling his eyes. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and his shirt was actually buttoned and tucked into his shorts. You thought he looked good regardless, but it was nice seeing him a little cleaned up and you enjoyed that you could see the hazel ring of his eyes. They were really pretty. “Rough day?”
“You have no idea,” You huffed. “Two people called out sick and now I have to pick up the slack.” He offered his condolences as you stepped up to the giraffe house.
“Hello, Bandit,” Boyd greeted the raccoon. “Caught trying to break in, huh?” He subtly looked at you to see you suppressing a giggle. Boyd smirked anyway. He gently gathered the raccoon’s feet and lifted it up to examine it. “Huh.”
“What?” You walked closer to him and Boyd opened his posture to allow you to get a better look at the animal, hand ghosting over your lower back to get you at the right angle. He ran a finger along the throat of the raccoon. His face leaned closer to you. Another inch and his cheek would be pressed to yours. You could smell his deodorant. “See those marks?” He murmured, eyes flicking to your face. You ignored the way his gaze paused at your lips. You nodded. “Cat teeth.” He closed his teeth rapidly together to simulate a bite. “Right through poor Bandit’s carotid.” You sighed with wonder.
“How can you tell they’re cat marks and not another raccoon?”
“Distance between the teeth.” He said, using his pointer and middle finger to measure the gap. “Cats have that shorter muzzle, so there’s less of a vertical gap between the canine and incisor marks.” You saw it. It was a small semi-circle. Clean and neat. You were surprised that you didn't catch it until after Boyd pointed it out. To be fair, being so close to the man you were beginning to develop a crush on made your head a little woozy.
“Huh.” You admired. “Fascinating.” You turned to look at Boyd to find he was staring at you. Maybe he had been the entire time. His lips were turned up in an easy smile and his eyes were fond. Warmth spread in your chest. You didn’t know if it was embarrassment or something else, but you didn’t allow yourself to think too hard about it. You cleared your throat and took a slight step back. Not dramatic, but enough to get some space between the two of you. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
“Just doin’ my civic duty.” He gave you a fake solute.
“What time is it?” You asked, gesturing to the watch he wore. When he answered, you let out a noise. “Thank god,” You sighed, rubbing at the tense muscles of your shoulder. “Lunch time.”
“What did you bring?” Boyd asked, beginning to walk back towards the entrance. You walked beside him.
“Chicken noodle soup. Just from a can. Nothing fancy.” You giggled when his nose scrunched up. “What? Don’t like soup?”
“I prefer tomato.” He said simply. “Plus it’s so hot out. It’s not really a soup day. And you deserve something more fulfilling than that, especially if you have to work harder.” You shrugged.
“That's all I had in my pantry this morning.” You stood with your hands out in front of you while you watched him toss the raccoon over the side of the truck bed. Together, you performed the hand sanitizer ritual. You’d grown so accustomed to it, you didn’t even wait for him to offer, just held out your hands and waited. Each time there was a new scent of sanitizer. The original instance had been unscented, but he began bringing ones from Bath and Body Works. He said he liked the smells. After you rubbed it in, you held up your hands to your nose and inhaled. It smelled familiar. “Mmm, what’s this one called? Smells good.”
“Japanese Cherry Blossom.” He read from the label. Your eyes widened.
“That’s funny,” You mused, “I have the body wash version.”
“Huh,” Boyd huffed. “Weird. I like it, though.” You nodded. A moment passed between the two of you and Boyd swallowed. He lifted a hand to readjust his hat. “Hey, so, this might be crazy,” he began, “but I know this really good cafe not far from here. Would you…wanna go to lunch there? It’ll be a helluva lot better than…canned soup.” Boyd’s gaze dropped to his feet at the last part, shoving his hands in his pockets and furrowing his brow. He probably thought it sounded stupid. You tried to suppress a grin, but the corners of your mouth twitched anyway.
“Yea, that sounds great.” You agreed softly.
“Really?”
“Sure. Let me grab my stuff and we can go.”
The cafe was adorable. A local bakery and coffee shop that you’d seen on your drives to work, but their hours usually fell outside your schedule. You usually just sat in the breakroom and ate reheated leftovers. The change in routine excited you and you were grinning like an idiot the entire time you ordered a sandwich from the menu. You reached for your wallet, but Boyd put a hand on your elbow, shaking his head and reaching over you to hand the cashier his card. You gave him a look and he just shrugged. His treat.
“So do you like what you do for work?” You asked, taking a bite of your sandwich. Boyd gathered a spoonful of eggs and nodded.
“It’s not for everyone,” He acknowledged “But I love it. It’s never boring.” Excitement crept into his voice and his eyes sparkled. “Like yesterday. Got this call to a house, said they needed help with a python. I’m thinkin’, okay, shouldn’t be too hard to manage if it’s already dead. What the property owner failed to mention was that the python had started eating one of his pet goats, which is why he shot it. So I had to maneuver a fifty-pound snake and a seventy pound goat halfway down the python’s throat.” He laughed and shook his head, taking a bite of eggs. “Fucking nightmare.” Your eyes widened.
“Holy shit, Boyd, that’s insane.” You laughed. “How did you do it?” Boyd scoffed.
“Used a chainsaw to divide up the weight.” He looked like he was about to go into more detail, but he decided against it once he saw you take another bite of your sandwich. He stabbed a sausage with his fork. “Pretty easy after that.” You were surprised at the level of detachment he spoke with. You worked with animals for a living, and had even been there during the euthanization of some. It still made you cry when you thought about the binturong who you worked with during your first job. She was extremely geriatric and had dozens of health issues and ultimately the choice was made to humanely euthanize her. You remembered the way her tail was curled around your arm. And the way it slowly loosened and eventually slipped off. You supposed it was a little different, considering Boyd didn’t have a personal connection with the animals and that they were already dead.
“So you’re pretty used to seeing dead things, then? I bet the smell can be terrible.” You pushed the painful memory out of your mind. Boyd shruged.
“The smell can be awful but…can’t say I ever get used to it-” A ringtone cut off his next word. Boyd patted down his body until he found the offending device. He sighed and got up from his chair. “Shit, sorry, I gotta take this call.” He piled up his napkins on his plate. Boyd looked at you. “It was really nice talking to you. Not a lot of people ask about my job. I-If you ever want to, uh, ride along with me, or something, just…let me know.”
“I appreciate the offer,” you said with a polite smile “But I think my passion lies with the alive ones.” Boyd laughed at that. A genuine, light noise that sparked something in your chest. You found yourself enamored with his smile.
Eating pussy and skinning roadkill. Those were Boyd Fowler’s two hobbies. And he had done neither of those things since he set eyes on you three months ago. The first one was self-explanatory, and he hadn’t actually done that in years. Women didn’t really pay attention to him. To most women, he was a county worker who was just as unsightly in their neighborhoods as the dead skunk on the culdesac. And as much as he loved watching the housewives jogging in the morning, he understood.
The second one was trickier. He liked to take his work home with him, storing the collected carcasses in trash bins for later use. Whenever he’d have a bad day, he’d grab something from the bin and take it to his shed. He liked the process of skinning the animals. They were already dead, he wasn’t really doing any harm. The focus he had to dedicate to the task soothed his nerves and he’d sell the pelts to his taxidermist friend for some under-the-table side income. Win-win situation for everyone. But he had to preserve the carcasses he was called to take care of. They had a better use now. The teenagers really had been throwing dead animals over the fence in the beginning, but they had stopped after three times and you had still used the call line. He wanted you to call him. To let him know that you needed him. So he decided to continue the acts until you did. It wasn’t hard. Boyd knew the cameras didn’t work. He’d pick a spot and chuck the carcass over, congratulating himself when it landed right where he intended. Boyd had memorized your work schedule. Even though it rotated slightly, there was always a pattern, and he had noticed. He only ever dropped off an animal when you were working. Because he always wanted the caller to be you.
You had enraptured him the moment he laid eyes on you. You were beautiful. The kind of effortlessly pretty that he adored. The worst part was you acted like you were oblivious to that fact, like you didn’t know how hard you got his blood pumping. And maybe you didn’t. But he would change that soon. It was more than the physicality. It was the way you actually saw him as a person, the way you asked him questions about himself. You didn’t know a ton about him- it was hard to have deep conversations when you only saw each other for thirty minutes every week- but you knew that he was an awkward minimum wage worker and still decided to talk to him. He knew all about you, though. One night you were out with some coworkers for a drink. Boyd had been watching you for weeks, getting to know your habits. And when you were out for the night, he used the spare key taped to the top of your door frame to break into your apartment. It was sparsely decorated. Not a lot of personal items beyond some books and posters. But it became very clear you enjoyed fragrances. You had a tray on your dresser with a line of perfumes. Your bathroom closet had a shelf dedicated to candles. He smelled each one until his head felt fuzzy. You had a body wash and a sugar scrub in your shower, whereas Boyd just used soap, 2-in-1 shampoo, and a washcloth. The body wash sitting on the shelf was the one he smelled on your skin that first day and had been dying to get a hit of ever since. And now he had a name. Bath and Body Works Japanese Cherry Blossom. He went to the outlet mall on his next day off and bought a hand sanitizer of the same scent. Boyd slowly implemented the change of scented sanitizers, too afraid that he’d spook you by immediately coming in heavy with one that matched your smell. And he had done it perfectly; you seemed more intrigued by the fact you had a common interest rather than disturbed that he knew what scent you liked. Boyd even started deep-cleaning during his showers, making sure the dirt and grime actually flowed from his body rather than a quick rinse. He wanted to smell good for you. The image of you nuzzling against his chest and inhaling deeply hung heavy on his mind. How you might run your nose along his sweaty neck and tell him how good he smelled. He thought about it often at night with his boxers shoved down his thighs and his heavy cock in his hand.
You were smart, too. You had gone to school for animal stuff and you always seemed to know the answers to any question he had. He showed you a picture of a partial skull he found and you were able to tell him it was a striped skunk simply because it had square molars. He showed you one he thought was a grey fox and you had vehemently disagreed. It was a red fox because the temporal lines were V shaped, not U shaped. You told him it was easy to remember- Vulpes had a ‘V’, Urocyon had a ‘U’. You taught him how to tell the difference between caniformes and feliforms based on how many chambers the auditory bullae were divided into. And you always found it silly how lagomorphs (hares, rabbits, and pikas, you had explained to him) had two rows of incisors. Every time you dropped an unexpected zoological fact, Boyd just watched and listened in awe. But he also knew that the fascination with skulls ran a little deeper than simply learning about them. When Boyd was in your room that night, he saw your collection of oddities. You had deer antlers, a vial of raccoon teeth, and sixteen skulls of varying species. You liked the bones and he liked the skins. And to Boyd, that’s why you were a perfect match
Every action he took was carefully curated so he would be able to take you gently. Like luring a stray dog into the house with bits of food before capturing it and giving it a home. He thought he fucked it up once, allowing the dizzying excitement of eating lunch with you to numb his thoughts. Asking you to do a ride along was risky, too heavy-handed. And although you responded kindly, he could see the hesitation in your eyes. He went home that night and slapped himself repeatedly, spewing how utterly fucking stupid he had been while crying in the darkness. But then you called him again, and he allowed himself to breathe. This was serious. He would not slip up like that again. Even though he noticed that your fridge was empty the last time he broke in, and it took all of his strength to prevent him from filling it up for you. That would be too far. You were his everything. He knew you at least liked him, and that was enough to formulate his plan. Boyd would give anything to have you by his side for the rest of your lives. To brag to his coworkers that he had a pretty little thing waiting at home for him. Coming home to you after a hard day at work and you rubbing his shoulders, kissing his face. That you would allow him to spend hours eating you out until you were begging for him, and then he’d give it to you so good you’d be shaking after. The CDs he listened to told him that he needed to decide what he wanted and take it, because it wouldn’t wait around for him. Boyd decided he wanted you. And he wasn’t going to lose the opportunity to get you. All he had to do was set up his attic and wait for the right moment.
He decided this was the perfect moment. You worked the closing shift instead of the opening, and he had asked his supervisor to do the same. The sun was below the horizon, but slivers of orange and pink still cut through the dusky sky. There had been another call. He had thrown a groundhog over the fence and patiently waited. Sure enough, you called him right away. Boyd had debated continuing his deposits. He was growing a little restless and he needed a trip to his shed. But he had ultimately concluded that he at least needed to continue it for a few weeks. If they stopped the day after you disappeared, that might be bad for you, especially since Boyd did want you to go back to work eventually. As much as he wanted to, he recognized that his job couldn’t provide for both of you. And you genuinely enjoyed what you did- he didn’t want to take that from you. The call was an hour ago and he hadn’t left. He waited for time to pass, lunchbox sitting on the passenger seat awaiting the right moment. Boyd pushed his glasses up his nose. He knew you liked it when he didn’t wear them, you had complimented his eyes when he showed up one day without them, but he was out of contacts.
Boyd’s fingers drummed nervously against his thigh and it wasn’t long before he saw the doors to the staff building open. He swallowed when he saw you. You looked so good in your work uniform. He watched your powerful legs, strong from having to lift and carry heavy food boxes and climbing through enclosures. The movement of you walking mesmerized him and he felt blood begin to flow south. He adjusted himself and willed his brain to calm down. He needed to remain aware and present if this was going to go well. You made it to your car. If you had noticed he was still there, you didn’t make it known. Still, he unzipped the lunchbox and pulled out the sandwich. He kept the bag in his hands until the right moment. You tried starting your car, but the engine sputtered. A smile twitched at his lips. He had drained the battery. He saw you hit your hands in frustration against the steering wheel. And he saw the moment your eyes moved to his truck. Now. He popped open the sandwich bag and took a bite. He forced himself to keep his eyes forward. When there was a tiny knock at his window, his jump was sincere. He couldn’t believe it worked. He turned to see you standing on the other side of the door, smiling sheepishly and eyes wet. Boyd set the sandwich down and leaned over the seat, cranking the window down. He mustered his best surprised grin.
“Oh, hey! What’s wrong?” He tilted his head when he saw the way your eyes glistened from the parking lot light. You sniffled. His heart cracked. He felt bad about the situation, but it was ultimately necessary. It was almost over.
“M-My car won’t start,” You took a shaky inhale, trying to hold back tears. “What are you still doing here?” He lifted up his sandwich.
“I decided to take my dinner break here instead of driving somewhere.” Boyd swallowed the bite. “I would offer to jump your battery, but we’re not allowed to. Company truck, company policy.” It was a lie. There was no such policy. “But I can give you a ride home and you can deal with it tomorrow.” Your eyes lit up and Boyd felt his heart soar. He loved being able to rescue you, even if he had to put you in the situation.
“Really? You’d do that for me?” You asked, teeth showing behind your smile. I’d do anything for you.
“Absolutely,” He unlocked the door and moved his lunchbox. “Climb on in.” You pulled yourself up into the truck and he immediately noticed your eyes go to the center console. His CDs. Fuck. He hadn’t meant for you to see those. He quickly swept them onto the floor of the back seat and rested the lunchbox on the console instead. His fingers dipped into the front pocket, wrapping around the needle filled with the sedative. A low dose of tranquilizer, just enough to knock you out for a few hours without harming you. He waited until you clicked your seatbelt on. Boyd’s hand shot to your neck, pulling you close and inserting the needle into the skin. You let out a strangled yelp, eyes blowing wide. When he retracted, you looked at him with panicked betrayal, hand pressing to the injection site. “I’m so sorry, baby,” Boyd cooed, thumb running over your cheekbone. He felt tears begin to well in his eyes at the sight of you. “I’m so sorry. It’s okay, you’re gonna take a good nap and I’m gonna take you home.” Your pupils dilated and your eyes fluttered closed. Boyd pressed a kiss to your temple, short hairs of his mustache scuffing against your skin. He gently eased your head against the window, so any passer-bys would just think you were sleeping. He took a deep breath and gripped the wheel. He gave you one more unsure look. You were going to hate him, Boyd knew that. But he also knew you would adjust. He had made the attic a home for you. And eventually, you’d fall in love with him. As deeply as he was with you. He was sure of it.
The first thing you noticed was the dry scratching in your throat. Then the pounding in your head. Then the ache in your knees and shoulders. Your memory was fuzzy, but you could feel that something was wrong. This wasn’t a hangover, this was something different. More sinister. You let out a little groan and shifted. You realized you were lying on your side and your face was pressed against something soft. It smelled like your sheets, fresh out of the laundry. Confusion deepened the fog in your mind. You tried to push yourself up, but something held your wrists together and you slumped back over. Your awakening seemed to stir something at the end of the room. You felt the vibrations of boots on wood and your eyes fluttered open. They focused and saw two black boots standing in front of you. Your brows pinched together.
“Boyd?” You rasped out between panting breaths. The word felt like fire as it came from your throat. Boyd bent down next to you, holding a glass of water with a straw.
“Hey, baby,” He whispered, running a soothing hand over your head. “Drink this, you’ll feel better. S’just water.” He placed the straw between your lips. You hesitated, but your throat hurt so bad you had no choice but to comply. The water was like liquid gold, soothing the daggers and allowing you to speak.
“What happened? W-Where am I?” You tried to sit up and Boyd made an uncertain sound, but allowed you to lean upright against the wall.
“You’re home.” You looked around the room. You were sitting on a mattress tucked into the corner. The shape of the ceiling told you that you were in an attic. There were counters on the other wall and a small closet with a toilet and a sink. Light streamed in from a single circular window, catching the dust particles in the air. You could see the first step of descending stairs.
“This isn’t my apartment.” Boyd was squatting, arms on his knees and looking at you carefully. He was wearing a white tanktop and black gym shorts. You could see the tan line half-way down his freckled biceps. He gave you a sympathetic look and a small smile.
“No,” He agreed. “This is my house. Our house.” He was still grinning at you. Not maliciously, but rather fondly. He looked around the room. “Do you like it? This is just the attic, but once you get…acclimated I’ll show you the rest of the place.”
“Boyd what did you do?” Your tone was escalating and Boyd shot back to his feet, scratching at the nape of his neck. He crossed his arms over the swell of his belly. “Wh-Why am I here?” You tried to press your hand to your head but it was held back. You looked over your shoulder to look at your wrists. They were linked together by a chain wound around a pipe. Two leather cuffs surrounded your wrists. You furrowed your brow. “What are these?”
“Hand cuffs.” Boyd said simply. “I’m sorry, but it needed to happen. It’s the only way we could be together. The cuffs are so you don’t hurt yourself or me while you adjust.” You blinked up at him, shock on your face. You scoffed. “What?”
“You used leather cuffs?”
“And?”
“I just…I guess I was expecting zip ties or metal.” Boyd scoffed, shaking his head, walking over to the counter where there was a grocery bag.
“Those are dangerous. I’m a safety guy. Don’t want you gettin’ hurt or cut or nothin’” He explained, taking bottles of water from the bag. “The leather’s s’posed to be comfortable. If it’s not, let me know. I can get you something else.”
“What is going on?” You said it more to yourself, eyes so wide a tear dripped down your cheek. You took in the mattress you were sitting on. Your sheets and comforter were wrapped around it, your pillows at the head. And nestled between the two of them was a little stuffed deer. The same stuffed animal you had since you were six. “Is that?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but Boyd heard you.
“I wanted you to be comfortable.” He turned to face you, face open and pleading. “You like sleeping with it. I don’t…I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to feel safe here.” All you could do was laugh at the absurdity of the situation. The man who had kidnapped you had taken your sheets and your favorite plush toy so you could…enjoy your time locked in his attic?
“Boyd please, you have to let me go.” You begged. “Someone’s going to notice I’m missing. If you untie me I promise it won’t be bad. I won’t…I won’t press charges or hurt you or anything.” Boyd shook his head firmly and turned back to the counter.
“No.” He said. “You’re not. And no one’s going to notice. Your rent and utilities are on autopay. I told the zoo that you had a family emergency and you were going to be out of the country for extended leave. Stan was very understanding. Sends his condolences.” You let out a choked sob.
“Please,” You begged. “I thought you liked me. I liked you. Why are you doing this to me?” You could tell your questions were beginning to annoy him. His jaw clenched and he slammed his palm onto the counter.
“Life doesn’t j-just give you things. If you want something you gotta take it.” He spat, clenching his hand into a fist. Boyd turned to face you, expression softened with vulnerability and emotional pain. “And I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than I’ve wanted you.” The words shocked you, and you couldn’t deny the small flicker of flattery that sparked in your chest. In any other situation you would have been over the moon that someone considered you a prize. And even now, the idea that Boyd would go through all this effort because he wanted you settled in your stomach in a not-unpleasant way. But then again, you were being held hostage in his house.
“You could have just asked me on a date like a normal person.” You told him but Boyd scoffed, muttering something self-deprecating. You saw him take a knife out of the bag and you pressed yourself back against the wall. “Please don’t hurt me.” Your voice was watery and Boyd looked confused. His eyes flicked from you to the knife he held in his palm. He dropped it instantly, like it had burned him.
“Hurt you?” Boyd looked genuinely taken aback, eyes widening and lips parting. He crossed the room and kneeled back down to you, collecting your face in his large hands. You squirmed a bit, but he made you look at him. “Hurt you? No, never. I love you.” Your lip quivered. “You don’t have to say it back right now. But you will.” Boyd pressed a kiss to your forehead. You tensed at the feeling of the combination of his soft lips and wiry mustache. “You should get some rest, okay? The tranquilizer’s still in your system. You’re gonna feel really sleepy for the next few days. I won’t do anything, don’t worry. Call me if you’re hungry or thirsty or need to use the bathroom, okay? M’just downstairs.” Boyd helped you lay back down and he draped the comforter over you. He tucked the deer stuffy between your chin and neck and walked down the stairs. You sobbed quietly until sleep took you again.
The next few days were a blur. Dry eyes blinking open from restless sleep, Boyd forcing you to drink more water, eating crackers, and then falling back asleep. Once the tranquilizer had worn off, the reality of the situation began to settle firmly in your mind. Boyd had taken you. You were locked in his attic. There was no escaping. And yet, you weren’t as distraught as you probably should have been. As time went on, you and Boyd fell into a routine. He’d wake you up before work by running a hand up your calf, squeezing just light enough where you’d blink awake. He’d say goodbye and ask if you needed anything. During the day, you were left to your own devices. After promising Boyd you wouldn’t do anything crazy, he had let you out of the cuffs. And you had meant it. You were still angry, scared, generally confused at the situation, but you weren’t going to break out of the house. The window to the attic didn’t open, and it was far too small for you to bust out of, anyway. It’s not like you were in immediate danger. Boyd had been nothing but respectful. He brought you clothes and left you to get changed in peace. Yea, his touches lingered longer than they should, but it never truly bothered you. And he seemed like he genuinely wanted you to enjoy yourself while you got acclimated to your surroundings. When you were freed from your binds, you explored the attic. There was an old TV collecting dust in one corner, and when you asked Boyd if it worked, he spent the entire night figuring out how to get it wired up for you. He came home for lunch every day, brought up a couple of sandwiches and you’d eat together. There was no clock in the attic, but you knew it was 12:15 when you heard the door close and the heavy sound of footsteps ascending the stairs. At first, you just sat there in silence, eyes unfocused and brain trying to come to terms with the fact you were being held hostage by a man you couldn’t hate. You had tried, screamed into your pillow about how disgusting and broken you were. Boyd kidnapped you, and yet the fondness for him lingered. You repeatedly promised yourself that you would start being mean to him, refusing his offerings of food until you starved to death. But when he excitedly jogged up the stairs with your food and sat on the floor with you, giving you small sideways smiles and telling you stories from his childhood…god, something in your heart just hammered harder and those promises went out the window. He acted like he cared, like he wasn’t actually going to hurt you, and you began to allow yourself to believe him. That was the dangerous thing.
You kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to get bored of you. You assumed one night you would wake up with his hands around your throat or a gun to your head. But it never came. Your routine continued. One day, you decided to take a chance and shake it up. It was lunch time and you chewed your sandwich slowly. Most of your meals were eaten in silence, with Boyd staring off into the distance and you taking in every one of his mannerisms.
“I’m craving something for dinner.” Your voice was quiet, but Boyd snapped his head up to look at you instantly. Something akin to excitement flashed across his face. Maybe he was thrilled that you were finally talking to him. He swallowed his bite quickly.
“Sure, where from? I’ll pick it up on my way home tonight.”
“No it’s…” You shifted in your spot where you sat on the floor across from him. “It’s a family recipe. I miss cooking. I haven’t had it in a while and I could really use some comfort food.” You didn’t feel bad about using his promises against him. He wanted you to enjoy your time? Fine. But that meant he needed to make some compromises. You were getting tired of microwaveable dinners. “We’d have to go to the store.” Boyd let out an unsure noise and itched the back of his head.
“Could you…give me a list?”
“Boyd, please,” You lowered your sandwich and mustered the best, most pathetically needy eyes and looked at him. “I haven’t left the house in weeks. I’m getting restless. I just need to walk around somewhere. One trip to the grocery store.” Boyd spent a few breaths looking at you. You could see the internal battle behind his eyes. Okay. You had to lay it on a little thicker. Before he could say anything, you leaned forward and rested your hand on his bare leg. “I’ll be good.” He tensed beneath you, eyes glued to where your fingers rested against his skin. You saw Boyd clench his jaw and his neck became unevenly splotched with blush. He swallowed before answering, not moving his eyes.
“Okay.”
There had been an indescribable prickling sensation that settled beneath your skin during your time in Boyd’s attic. Something frustrating and stale. The moment you stepped out of the front door of the house and took a deep breath of fresh air, the prickling subsided. A relieved smile immediately parted your lips as you filled your lungs with the summer air. You could smell freshly-cut grass and traces of a bonfire. You stretched your arms over your head and allowed your spine to decompress. Your moment of bliss ended when you felt Boyd’s thick fingers settle on your lower back. You stiffened beneath his touch. Boyd didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he didn’t care. He gently herded you over to the garage. As the door lifted up and revealed a rusted truck, Boyd turned you to look at him.
“I’m going to trust you with this,” he warned “Don’t give me a reason not to. If you’re good, maybe we can discuss some privileges.” You suppressed the urge to roll your eyes. You were going to the fucking grocery store, not planning a heist. It would be maybe twenty minutes. What were you going to do, lock yourself in the freezers until the police came? You were so tired and disoriented, all you really wanted was the warmth that came from your favorite meal without the promise of additional reward. But if Boyd was considering letting you do more than sit in a confined space all day, you could play along. You nodded at him and he gave you a crooked smile, rubbing circles into your back. You stepped away quickly, climbing into the truck.
The drive to the grocery store was shorter than you had hoped. You spent ten minutes with your arm out the open window, enjoying the feeling of summer wind rippling over your skin. Your head rested against the door and you took deep breaths of the fresh air, exhaling with a soft smile. A smile that faded slightly as Boyd slowed to a stop in the parking lot. You looked over to him when he rolled up the window and turned off the car.
“Do you think I could have, like, outside time or something?” You asked, trying to keep your tone even, but you were sure Boyd picked up at the light hint of desperation tinging your words. “It’s summer and I miss being in the sun.”
“Sure, I don’t see why not.” He shrugged with a lopsided grin. He pushed his glasses further up his nose as his eyes flicked up and down your form. Your hair was windblown and the hem of your shorts were trapped between the junction of your thighs. “I wouldn’t mind you sunbathin’ out in the yard.” You ignored the way his tongue flicked over his teeth. You ignored the way that his words should have disgusted you, but they didn’t. Instead, you popped the door open and climbed out of the truck. The sun was beginning to dip lower into the sky, but its warmth clung to your skin as you walked into the blasting air conditioning of the store. There were small signs scattered along the entrance wall advertising various sales.
“Do you like cherries?” You asked Boyd as he grabbed a basket. He followed your gaze to the sale sign and shrugged.
“Sure.” He muttered. “They’re fine.” You grabbed a bag and put them in the basket. Boyd watched you intently. The domesticity of it made him bite the inside of his cheek. You dug the list from your pocket and began heading toward the aisle you needed. It took Boyd a few seconds to register you had moved, eyes locked on the bag of cherries, but soon hurried to catch up with you. At first, he just followed obediently, holding out the basket while you placed an ingredient in. But with every stop, he lingered a little closer, watching you with eyes so sharp you could feel them. He was on edge. You supposed you could understand why, it was the first time you had been somewhat free in weeks. But you were trying to remain relaxed, to subtly let him know you wouldn’t be trying anything. Boyd was not picking up on your signals, and his hovering was starting to annoy you. You made your way to the meat counter and as you surveyed the cuts of meat for the perfect one, Boyd brushed against you. You forced down a roll of your eyes and instead put on a smile.
“Boyd, could you go get the spices?” You asked, voice saccharine and nonthreatening. “I feel bad for just leading you around.” Boyd’s eyes narrowed. You tilted your head and brushed a stray sweaty curl away from his face. He flinched a little, but didn’t move away from you. His cheeks were pink. You couldn’t tell if it was blush or because the summer heat was beginning to seep into the store. “Please?” You dropped your voice a bit as your fingers brushed along the ridge of this cheekbone. “It’ll help us get home faster.” Your word choice was intentional, binding yourself to him and playing into his desire for you to be normal domestic partners. Boyd blinked before taking a breath and relenting. You gave him the list and he took it between his fingers, giving you one last glance before begrudgingly walking down a different aisle.
A few moments passed and the butcher still had not come out to get your order. Your eyes scanned over the cuts of meat, looking for the slab that would work perfectly for your recipe. The one your grandmother would pick if she was there with you. A small noise made you look over your shoulder. It was an older woman, clearing her throat. You immediately stepped back from the glass case.
“Sorry!” You rushed out, moving aside so she could look at the display. “I’m in your way.” The lady stepped up beside you, eyes not meeting yours. She stood close enough that you heard her whispered question.
“Are you alright, dear?” You made a confused noise and the lady continued, still gazing at the ham that glistened under the display lights. “That man,” she clarified “He looked like he was bothering you. Do you know him?” You were lost for words for a moment. You wanted to assure the woman you were alright. But were you alright? You had, in fact, been kidnapped. Somehow, you kept forgetting that. You weren’t sure why you had been so resigned to your fate. Maybe it was because you didn’t actually hate the situation. Yes, it sucked to be confined to one space, but Boyd obliged every ask of yours that would make you more comfortable. You didn’t have to wake up at 4 am to chop vegetables. Didn’t have to spend all day battling heat and head-splitting screams of children and animals nibbling at your fingers. You loved your job, but you couldn’t deny you had been feeling burnt out for a while. Maybe your body recognized that you needed a break. You might have preferred a week of vacation over being held hostage, but these were the circumstances given to you. Besides, as much as you were waiting for your fondness for Boyd to waver, it never did. If anything, getting to know him made it settle into something closer to genuine affection. Almost enough to overcome the prickle of fear that he would one day dispose of you. Almost.
“Oh!” you gasped. “Yea, I know him, he’s…” What were you supposed to say? Ah, yes, that’s Boyd, my work crush who injected me with sedatives and locked me in his attic because he was too scared to ask me on a date. But it’s okay, because he’s hot and says he loves me. Yea…right. “He’s a friend from work. We’re getting stuff for a company picnic. I know he’s a bit off-putting, but I’m fine.” The lie rolled off your tongue a little too easily. The woman didn’t look incredibly convinced, but eventually pursed her lips and nodded.
“Alright. I just thought I’d check in.”
“Yea, thank you, I appreciate you looking out for me.” You gave her a genuine smile. If you were any one else, she would have saved you. But, for some unknown reason, you didn’t really want to be saved.
The butcher came out at that moment, wiping her hands on her apron. She apologized for the wait, and packaged up your order quickly. When you were done, you told the woman to have a nice day and turned around. Boyd was leaning against the glass. The spice jars were aligned neatly in the shopping basket. A grin pushed his cheeks up to his eyes. You realized then that he had overheard your conversation, at least in part, with the woman, and pride rolled off him in waves. He held out his hand and you took it after a breath. Boyd led you down to the checkout with your hand in his.
“Great job, baby,” he practically purred. “Knew I could trust you.”
When you pulled back into Boyd’s driveway, his mood was significantly better. You had officially proved yourself to him and you could tell he was allowing himself to relax a bit.
When you walked into the house, paper grocery bags in hand, you were expecting to have to write down directions and be ushered back into the attic. Instead, Boyd led you to the kitchen. It wasn’t huge, laminate counter tops running along the walls, yellowed appliances, but it was homey. Lemon-printed towels hung from the stove handle. A carved wooden chicken was perched on the cabinet above the sink. Boyd had mentioned something about this being his parents house before he inherited it, and it didn’t look like he had changed much since their passing however long ago. He set the bag he was carrying down on the counter and stepped back. He wiped his sweaty palms on his cargo shorts and looked at you expectantly.
“I want to show you around.” He said, almost a little hesitantly. “As a reward. I hope I’ve made it clear that I want us to live together normally. And this is your home, too.” You blinked, placing the onion you were holding back in its bag before agreeing. He led you around the hallways, pointing out the decorations above the mantle and where they came from. He showed you framed photos of him as a kid. Same glasses, same overlapping teeth, same flicker of uneasiness in his posture. At first, you were simply tagging along, letting him ramble about anything he could think of. But then, something started to shift in your chest. It was when he showed you the downstairs bathroom with metal-worked colorful fish decorating the wall and the matching towel on the rack. The house was lived in. Loved in. Decorated with care and kept as a sanctuary. A place that you would want to spend time in rather than a room to sleep in between shifts. It had the spark of domesticity that your apartment was missing. As you ended your tour, you found yourself looking forward to exploring it during the day, sitting on the plush couch and flipping through Boyd’s CD collection.
It reminded you of how you introduced animals to a new habitat- slowly, carefully, bit-by-bit. You'd put them in the off-stage area first until they got comfortable. And then you open the gates to their full enclosure and suddenly, they’re right at home, exploring each new sight and sound and smell. You had seen it countless times. You had never imagined you’d be on the other side.
Even though you had free-roam of the house and yard, you still made it very clear to Boyd that there were still some boundaries you would be keeping. You were appreciative of his gesture, but you were not going to completely give in. You made it very clear that you were still going to sleep in the bed in the attic. Alone. And that, while you were okay with interacting with him more, you were not going to roll over and become a perfect house wife just because you could stretch your legs. Boyd was just glad you weren’t trying to escape. To him, that meant that you were trying to accept your circumstances. And that was all he could ask for.
You spent most of your days outside, lounging in the bikini that Boyd presented to you with a crooked grin that was only a little sleezy. He would pick up books from the library and allowed you to use his CD player so you could bask in the sun while listening to music or reading. You noticed a stack of CDs in a cupboard one day. Some self-help dude-bro bullshit that you were not going to listen to. You asked Boyd about it over dinner one day and he clammed up, muttering something about them belonging to an old friend. They were gone the next day.
After your vision was sunbleached and you felt the water evaporating from your body, you would head inside and spend the afternoon relearning your love of cooking. You whipped up a new dinner from scratch every night, greeting your captor with a proud smile and demands of feedback for whatever you had decided to try that day. Boyd had a few cookbooks collecting dust above the microwave. Each morning, you would show him the recipe you wanted to try that night. You’d give him the list of ingredients you didn’t have and he’d bring them home on his lunch break. Words could not describe the feeling he had when he came home to you, in your apron, strands of hair sticking to your forehead, a flustered and hopeful look on your face as you presented that night’s dinner to him. He would brag about it to his coworkers. Yea, my girl’s cookin’ up lasagna tonight. Homemade.
He had to work the later shift again. Since you had extra time, you decided to try and make pasta sauce from scratch. The kitchen looked like a war zone. Splotches of pulverized tomatoes and granules of spices pocked the counter. The sink was filled with bowls and utensils and the window was open to try and get some of the steam to waft away. But it was all worth it for the tantalizing aroma of fresh lasagna cooking in the oven.
You finished cleaning at 8:26, the exact moment the door unclicked and Boyd stepped into the house. You heard him grunt as he toed off his work boots and tossed his keys into the dish by the door. Boyd wandered into the kitchen. He still glistened with residual sweat and you felt the dampness of his mustache when he pressed a kiss to your cheek. You found yourself not flinching away from the contact.
“Smells great, baby,” he hummed, bending down to peer into the oven. “M’gonna shower before we eat.” You nodded. As he showered, you got everything ready. Lasagna cooling on the table, cups and forks and plates from the cabinet. He walked out of the bathroom as you were placing a plate down on the table. And you paused for a moment when your eyes caught him. He wore a white tanktop, his broad shoulders and pectorals straining against the fabric. You could see his stupid farmer’s tan that made some freckles more visible than others. His thick thighs were covered with loose-fitting black sweatpants. The sight made a shiver prickle at your lower back. You swore that, if you tilted your head just right, you could see the imprint of-
“Did you make the sauce from scratch?” Boyd pulled you from your musings with a point to the pot drying beside the sink.
“Yea.” You handed him the serving spatula so he could carve out a piece. He settled into his chair with a grunt, licking his lips before diving into his meal. He moaned when the lasagna hit his tongue. It came right from his chest, and you pushed away the desire to hear it under different circumstances.
“This’s’amazing,” He purred from around his bite, pointing his fork at the slice with a wide smile. You cast your gaze down sheepishly. No one had ever really enjoyed your cooking like he did. He made sure to sing your praises at every single meal, even if it was just a microwaved Hot Pocket. He said you “microwaved it with heart” whatever that meant. You found yourself wanting to take on more challenging dishes. To prove yourself and to make yourself useful to Boyd. And each time, he had a wider smile and more words of appreciation. The little boost of confidence stayed with you for the rest of dinner.
After everything was cleaned up, you squeezed Boyd’s arm and told him you were going to bed. You climbed the stairs to the attic and began to strip off your clothes from the day, replacing them with the silk pajama set Boyd had surprised you with one day after work. He really did try to spoil you as much as he could, given the circumstances. You were about to wash your face when you heard your name called from downstairs. It was Boyd. His voice was tense and it made you suck in a breath. A little whisper of fear licked against your brain. Maybe it’s time. He’s finally going to do it. You’re going to die. But you forced the fears down to respond in an even tone. “Yea?”
“Come watch TV with me.” He called back. Your face scrunched with confusion. He had never asked you to do that before. Usually, after dinner, you’d retreat to the attic and Boyd would spend his evenings downstairs doing whatever Boyd did.
“I’m tired-“
“Please?” That really made you pause. Not once during the month and a half you’d been in the confines of Boyd’s house had he ever asked you to do something with a ‘please.’ He always said thank you after you completed a task, whether it be the laundry or dinner, but never ‘please.’ You set down the bottle of face wash on the sink and exited the makeshift bathroom. You slowly descended the stairs, cautiously turning the corner to see Boyd sitting on the couch, one arm slung over the back, while some fishing show played on the screen. You walked over to him, bare feet sticking to the hardwood floor. Boyd turned to look at you when you reached his poripheral. You caught his eyes flick quickly over your form, no doubt appreciating the fact that you were wearing his gift. He grinned and patted the open cushion next to him. You hesitated.
“You’re not gonna…hurt me…are you?” Your words were soft, purposefully not inflammatory. But Boyd looked hurt regardless, the corners of his mouth dropping and his brow furrowing.
“No,” he assured “I told you. I love you. Why would you think that?” Your eyes nervously flicked to the end table by the couch. The one where his work belt always rested. Your gaze settled on the holster and the weapon inside it, well within his reach. Boyd followed your gaze and let out a small laugh. “Oh, that?” Boyd pulled the gun from his holster and held it up so you could see it. “S’just a tranquilizer gun. No bullets in here.” He opened the chamber and you saw the fluffy pink tip of the dart. “See?” You didn’t move. Boyd sighed and pushed himself off the couch. He took his belt and carried it over to the counter by the stove. He placed it down and looked at you. “Does that make you feel better?” You paused for a moment but nodded. He might still be dangerous, but at least that obvious threat was secured. “Will you sit with me?” He plopped back on the couch and reached out his hand to you. You sat on the arm of the couch. Boyd clicked his tongue. “C’mon, now, I don’t bite. C’mere.” He raised his arm to beckon you closer. Reluctantly, you obliged and settled down on the middle cusion. You weren’t quite touching, but you were close enough to see that his hair was still damp and his skin still dewy from his shower.
“So this show’s about findin’ the biggest fish in the world. They’re in, uh, Mongolia or somethin’. The fish they’re going after ate a school bus.” You let out an involuntary disbelieving laugh. You looked at Boyd with a glint of amusement in your eyes.
“A school bus?” He nodded, small smirk forming on his mouth. “There’s no way that actually exists.” He shrugged and nodded back to the screen. The commercials were over and a very dramatic title song played.
“Guess we’ll find out.” As the show continued, you found yourself relaxing more. The muscles in your legs weren’t as tense and eventually, your knee rested gently against Boyd’s. He slightly shifted his position on the couch. You could smell the soap lingering on his skin. Crisp, but not in an overwhelming way.
“What soap do you use?” Your curiosity got the better of you. Your eyes were still on the screen. A boat cut through muddy water as the main fisherman described what bait he was using. You could feel Boyd’s gaze heavy on the side of your face.
“Irish Spring.”
“Smells good.” You nodded. His eyes lit up and his chest puffed out. You had noticed.
“Thanks.”
The show continued and, to no one’s surprise, the fisherman was struggling to find the bus-eating monster fish. During one commercial break, a small movement caught your eye. Boyd’s fist was clutching the fabric of his sweatpants. His fingers curled in on themselves so hard his knuckles were white.
“Are you alright?” You asked. Had your lasagna made him feel sick? You were feeling fine, but he looked a little sweaty and flushed and his lips were pressed together in a thin line. His gaze met yours briefly before returning to the screen. He cleared his throat and readjusted his hips on the couch. He blinked so hard the muscle in his cheek twitched.
“Yea,” he breathed out “Yea, m’fine.” He didn’t say anything else and you didn’t press it. But your eyes trailed downward and you instantly realized the source of his weird behavior. He was hard. You could see the bulge pressing against his sweatpants in the flickering TV light. You blinked away quickly. He was embarrassed, clearly, and you didn’t want to pile onto it by revealing that you had noticed. You pulled your knee away from his by an inch to give him some relief. Remove any outside contact that was unintentionally arousing him. But, to your surprise, he widened his legs immediately, chasing after you and closing the gap between the two of you. The action, while almost undetectable, sent a wave of heat coursing through your veins. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find Boyd attractive. Even now, after everything, you found yourself eyeing him when he came home from work. Sweaty and freckled from the sun. He looked way too good in that stupid uniform.
So to have the man you found attractive hard beside you simply because your knees were touching? Yea, that instilled something within you. Without looking at him, you inched closer until you were almost curled into his side. Your legs were pressed together and you noticed the poorly stifled moan that fell from his lips. His arm was curled above your shoulders, still resting on the top of the couch. You felt the tips of his fingers graze your shoulder. And when you didn’t flinch away, he made a bolder move. His arm slipped down from the couch and settled around you. The contact was light and he didn’t pull you closer to him. But it was contact nonetheless. You side-eyed his legs again. His hand was in his pocket now. You couldn’t help but smirk. You appreciated that he had the decency to not try and creep you out. Even though he was truly trying to conceal his arousal, his efforts were fruitless. His very prominent erection was hard to miss. But you still didn’t say anything. You stayed there, pressed against him, until the show ended. No fish caught.
“Guess it doesn’t exist.” You said lightly, turning to him. Boyd just blinked down at you, pupils wide and mind clearly preoccupied.
“What?” He whispered. You chuckled and got up from the couch. His eyes followed you the entire time. You leaned in and gave a kiss to his forehead.
“Goodnight, Boyd.” You murmured against his skin. You left him on the couch and walked up to your bed.
Martha Stewart was a fucking liar. The ingredients to the biscuits were simple, but they were not “a breeze to pull together” like her webpage promised. Maybe the oven wasn’t good enough or the store brand flour wasn't as good as the kind she used. But, for some reason, they were not cooking properly. Some of them were too raw and others were on the verge of being burnt. You weren’t ashamed to admit that the process had made you cry. Twice. But with each passing minute, you were worried that dinner wouldn’t be ready for Boyd when he got home. The homemade gravy and fried chicken were on their respective hot plates. It really was just the stupid biscuits that needed to hurry up.
When they were finally done to your satisfaction, you looked at the clock. 5 pm. Boyd must’ve hit some traffic. You arranged the table as usual and sat and waited. And waited some more. You watched the bird feeder outside and smiled when a sparrow was able to shoo away a thieving squirrel. As the sun dipped lower, so did your stomach. A pit in your abdomen quickly replaced by a crawling anxiety. He was late. Later than a simple excuse could explain. The gravy had congealed an the chicken would have to be reheated. The biscuits you had spent so long on had that odd texture of bread that was becoming stale. But none of that mattered. Because all you could think about was Boyd. You paced the room, back and forth, nibbling on the edge of your thumb and mind racing through endless possibilities. A car wreck. An accident at work. A hostage situation at a bank. You laughed a little at the irony of that one. Each possibility buzzed around your mind, little fireflies that lit up with each new scenario.
A phone ringing cut through your hazy headspace. Not your phone. You had no idea what Boyd had done with that. Rather, the landline in the kitchen. The one you didn’t even know still worked. You slowly approached it, as if you might startle it, and picked up the phone.
“Hello?” Your voice was small and your throat was dry.
“Good evening,” came a voice, peppy but in a way you knew was fake. “Is this Mrs. Fowler?” Your mouth opened and then closed. This used to be Boyd’s parents’ house. Maybe they were looking for his mother. Surely they weren’t asking for you.
“Can I ask who’s calling?” You deflected.
“Yes, this is Miami General Hospital. Mr. Fowler suffered a snake bite at work and came to us about two hours ago. This number was listed as his emergency contact.” Your eyebrows flew to your hairline. A snake bite?
“I-is he okay?” You fumbled out.
“He’s going to make a full recovery,” the person assured “we gave him a dose of antivenom and some pain medication. He’s about to be discharged but he will need a ride home.” You mumbled out something aggreeable and hung up. Your eyes shifted to the key dish by the front door. The keys to the rusted truck sat there. Had they always been? Could you have realistically left anytime you wanted? You pushed the thought to the side. You’d ruminate on that later. You grabbed the keys and left the house.
You drove to the hospital in silence. After you parked, very poorly, you hurried through the doors of the ER.
“Hi, um, I’m here for Boyd Fowler?” You greeted the nurse at the desk. She clicked a few times on her computer before nodding.
“Sign in please. I’ll take you back.” After scrawling out your signature on a tablet, the nurse led you down the hallways of the ER until you paused in front of a room. Until now, dread had settled low and heavy in your stomach. The clutches of anxiety only released when you saw Boyd sitting upright in bed, talking to one of the nurses while his IV was removed. You let out a sigh of relief. He was okay. Boyd saw you through the window of the room. Instantly, his face lit up with a toothy grin. He waved at you enthusiastically. You gave him a small wave back.
“What’s wrong with him?” You asked the nurse.
“Yea, that’s the pain meds. He’s going to be really happy and really sleepy when you get home.” She nodded.
“Wonderful. Is there any at-home care I need to do?” The nurse handed you a packet of papers. By the time she went over the visit summary and continued treatment, Boyd was dressed and ready to go. They wheeled him out of the hospital. The snake had gotten him in the ankle and it was too swollen for him to walk on. You pulled the truck around front and helped Boyd get into the passenger seat. When he was all buckled in, you thanked the nurse and got in the truck. Before you could even put the keys in the ignition, Boyd threw his arms around you in an awkwardly-positioned hug. His face nuzzled into your neck.
“You came,” he sighed happily, running his nose along the column of your throat. “I knew you cared.” You couldn’t force down the small smile it caused. You patted him on the arm and gently pushed him back into his seat.
“Let’s get you home, Boyd. I bet a nap sounds really good right now, huh?” He nodded. He looked at you sheepishly.
“Sorry I was late for dinner.”
“That’s okay,” you pressed a kiss to his knuckles and his nostrils flared. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Boyd spent a week at home and you fully accepted your role as his monitor. You cooked him whatever he requested, which was never that outlandish, and made sure he took his meds when he needed to. He was healing well, and it wasn’t long before he was cleared to go back to work. His final day off was spent sitting beside you outside, asking about your books and reacting accordingly when you read the next plot twist. You never mentioned noticing him getting hard sitting beside you on the couch. And it hadn’t happened since. You weren’t proud of it, but you were starting to feel pent up. For a whole week, you were forced to see stupid Boyd with his stupid muscles and his stupid belly and his stupid mustache without the refuge of his work hours. You really hoped that the close proximity and your apparent eagerness would spark something in the man. But, true to your suspicions, he was too much of a coward to do anything. Whatever. You would have to take matters into your own hands. You had needs, too, and if Boyd was forcing you to stay in his house, the least he could do was take care of you in all aspects of your life. Especially since it was very clear he wanted to.
You hovered in the doorframe, observing the man on the bed. Boyd was sitting up against the headboard, legs sprawled in front of him as he scrolled through his phone. His bandage peaked over the hem of his sock. The swelling of his ankle had subsided, and he was scheduled to go back the next morning. Maybe you should be kind enough to give him something to think about as he cleaned the streets of Miami. He was just in his boxers and a black tanktop. You could see the soft roundness of his belly rise and fall with each breath. His hair was mussed, still a little wet from his shower. His glasses sat low on his nose. His arms looked huge curled up beside him and the constellations on his skin were extra prominent in the low light of the room. You could see the small bulge between his legs. A flash of arousal seared your abdomen. He looked so good. You licked your bottom lip as your breathing got heavier and your pupils dilated. Yea. You needed him.
Without giving yourself time to reconsider, you crossed the room. You stopped beside Boyd and plucked the phone from his hand, tossing it on the bedside table. His face snapped up to look at you, brows pinching together and mouth parting in protest. But his lips pulled shut once you climbed onto the bed. You slung one leg over his hips and settled into his lap. Boyd’s breath caught and his eyes shot wide open. His hands hovered just above your hips. You rolled your eyes and took them in your own, guiding them to rest on your sides. You didn’t waste any time, crashing your lips to his. He let out a muffled yelp and froze beneath you. After a roll of your hips, he tentatively began working his lips against yours. The kiss was soft but clearly needy. You only pulled away when you could no longer breathe. He chased after you with a desperate moan. Boyd’s eyes fluttered open just in time to watch you peel your shirt over your head and toss it behind you to the floor. He swallowed hard. His eyes slowly roamed your bare chest. You weren’t wearing a bra. You stayed still on top of him, giving him time to observe. The edge of his thumb brushed the underside of your breast and you let out a breathy sigh. You experimentally moved your hips, feeling his cock begin to chub up against your ass.
“Wh…What are you doing?” Boyd choked out, eyes still glued to your hardening nipples.
“Getting you hard,” you said simply, like it wasn’t exactly what he had been dreaming about for the better part of two months. You leaned in and ghosted your lips over his. He shivered beneath you. “And if you fuck me good enough,” you whispered, nipping at his bottom lip “Then maybe you can have me tomorrow, too.” Your words seemed to snap him out of his haze. His grip on you tightened and you squeaked when he rolled you over onto the bed. His hips pushed into yours as he hungrily devoured your mouth.
The kiss turned sloppy, tongues clashing and moving against each other as each moan and gasp was swallowed. Boyd moved to kiss along your jaw and you shivered with every brush of his wiry facial hair against your skin. He lazily pressed kisses down your neck and torso, stopping every so often to suck and nip a mark into your skin. He paid special attention to your breasts, licking each nipple to a peak before biting at least three hickeys into the flesh. When he kneeled upright, his glasses were fogged. He tore them from his face. The thought of not being able to see you beneath him was blasphemous. He looked at you for reassurance when he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of your sleep shorts. You nodded desperately. He pulled down the shorts and your underwear with one motion. When you were exposed to him, Boyd let out a sigh of awe. He sat back on his knees and just took a moment to look. You suddenly felt very self conscious. It had been a long time since anyone had been between your legs and your wax was long overdue. You took his staring as a signal of his disgust and you moved to close your legs. Boyd caught them immediately.
“Don’t you dare try n’ hide her from me,” He growled, quickly adjusting himself so that he settled on his stomach. He tugged you closer to him and you yelped. His eyes never left your center. You allowed your legs to fall to the side and you saw Boyd’s pupils dilate, eyes roaming the space between your legs and licking his lips in anticipation. “Prettiest pussy I ever seen,” He whispered, more to himself than to you. “So fucking perfect.” The first broad swipe of his tongue was irritatingly slow but instantly shot pure pleasure up your spine. You arched into him, hand flying down to tug at his curls. He let out a small noise of appreciation at the sensation. He licked your entire sex and lifted his head briefly. “Beautiful and tastes so good,” He sighed “How’d I get so lucky?”
“Boyd, please!” You begged airily, pushing his head back to where you needed him. He just chuckled, but tugged you closer to him.
“I gotchu, baby, just sit back and relax.” He dove into his efforts without restraint. He alternated between sucking and flicking your clit with the point of his tongue, to flattening it against you and running broad stripes between your folds. And when you were panting and whimpering with need, thighs coated with a mixture of your juices, Boyd slipped two thick fingers into you. You keened, tossing your head backward, as he curled against your warm velvety walls. “Yea, s’that the spot?” Boyd cooed. The pads of his fingers continuously stroked your most sensitive spot and each of your breaths came out in little gasps. “C’mon, baby, give it to me. Lemme feel it.” He returned to your clit, circling it with his tongue as he continued to fuck you with his fingers. Each thrust sent another droplet of your arousal down his wrist. He urged you towards your release, watching you unblinking. Memorizing every twitch of your eyebrows and huff of air that left your lips. You had been so touchstarved, and Boyd was so unexpectedly skilled with his mouth, that your orgasm built fast. You squirmed under him, unsure if you were trying to chase after or escape from his onslaught. But it didn’t matter. His palm settled heavy on your abdomen, holding you to the bed. Your toes curled in on themselves and your jaw fell open as searing heat pooled above your tailbone. You came with a strangled cry of his name, bucking your hips wildly on his face. Boyd’s eyes fluttered shut, reveling in the stuttered jerks of your hips against him as you rode it out on his face. Only when you stopped, chest heaving and hand disentangled from his hair to rub at your eyes, did he lift his head. You looked down to see him licking the remnants of you from his fingers and his chin, mustache plastered to his upper lip. “Can’t wait to do that every day for the rest of my life.” He smirked.
“Please,” you whined, pulling at his shirt. Boyd pushed himself back up and you pulled him into a kiss. The taste of yourself on his tongue sent another punch of neediness to your core. You lifted your shaky legs to wrap around his waist. He gave in, rolling his bulge into you so hard it must have hurt him, but he just let out a sigh of satisfaction. He broke the kiss and you pouted.
“I know,” He soothed, kissing your nose. “But you’re actin’ like you need something inside you.” You tilted your head and nodded, brain still fuzzy from your high. Boyd used his weight to maneuver you on the bed. He positioned you on your hands and knees, facing the edge of the bed and the mirror that hung on his wall above his dresser. You watched your reflection as Boyd pushed his boxers down. His chubby cock was swollen and angry, weeping pre-cum from the tip with each desperate twitch. His eyes locked on yours in the mirror as he pushed in. You struggled to keep your eyes open at the feeling. Boyd wasn’t particularly long, but he stretched you almost to your limit. You felt the solidness of him pressing against each inch of your pussy, firing off every single nerve. Your hands fisted the comforter and your exhale was hitched. When Boyd bottomed out, your vision was going blurry. “Deep breath for me, sweetheart, gotta breathe.” You had forgotten that you had to do that. You sucked in a breath and the cool oxygen just augmented the pleasure fizzling in every neuron. Once your breathing evened, Boyd began to move. He used his hands to fuck you back on him, exiting almost the entire way before sinking back into you with a groan. It started off slow, but quickly turned ravenous as he used you, controlled breathing turned into frenzied pants.
“You’re so per-perfect. Mmh, fuck,” He moaned. He bit his lip and stared at where the two of you were joined, watching his cock disappear inside of you and re-emerge with a fresh coat of slick. It was hypnotizing. “G-Gonna take such good care of you. I l-love you so much.” You moaned at his words, the pussy-drunk look on his face causing you to squeeze tighter around him.
“So big, Boyd, you fuck me so good.” You gasped, words tumbling from your mouth. Your breasts swayed with every snap of his hips. Boyd leaned forward a bit and cupped one in his warm palm, never faltering with his pace.
“Yea? Gettin’ all dumb on my cock, baby?” He mocked. “Squeezin’ me so tight. Not gonna last much longer with you like this.” You gasped when a particularly harsh thrust caused his dick to split you open a little further.
“Cum inside me, please!”
“Yea?” Boyd panted, as if he was considering any other option. He straightened back up, nodding his head enthusiastically. His hands dug harshly into your hips, fat spilling between his fingers. “Want me to put a baby in you? Keep you with me forever? I can do that, baby, shit, I can do that.” He widened his knees and thrusted into you with a newfound vigor, hard and deep, loud slaps of skin joining the chorus of your combined moaning. Your arms gave out, face slowly coming to a rest on the bedspread. Boyd continued to fuck into you and your eyes rolled back at the new angle. You felt drool begin to seep from your mouth onto the sheets. You were overcome by the need for him and you reached one of your hands back, grasping for his. Boyd took it immediately, weaving your fingers between his in a small gesture of comfort. You mumbled out his name.
“Knew you were fucked up.” He let out a small huff of amusement. “The minute I laid eyes on you, I knew you'd enjoy this. Enjoy me.” Boyd threw his head back and pinched his eyebrows together, biting harder onto his lip and whining with every stroke of his cock between your walls. You gripped him like a vice, internal muscles tightened without release. He came with a deep growl, ripped straight from his chest. He continued to roll his hips until he softened to ensure not a drop of his cum slipped from your cunt. Even though he wasn’t as hard, the stretch of him filling you remained delicious. You were allowed a few breaths of reprieve, but soon you felt his fingers ghost over your skin. You let out a buzzy noise of protest when they nudged against your clit again. You tried to squirm away, but Boyd pulled you back and clicked his tongue.
“Uh-uh.” He scolded “Give me one more. Wanna feel you push me out.” Your pussy was so puffy and so silky and your clit was so sensitive that it didn’t take long for another orgasm to crawl up your spine. This one rolled into you gently, but you still clenched so hard his cock was forcefully ejected from your warmth. A gush of liquid splashed against your ankles and his thighs. As it left your body, so did any remaining energy. Your face was still pressed into the bed and your legs wobbled fiercely when Boyd’s grip loosened. You let out a tiny whine and Boyd pulled you up, cradling you in his arms and laying you back on the pillows. He snaked an arm under your hips and settled you on your side. He showered your face in kisses while you regained your mind. “Did so good f’me.” He whispered softly between each press of his lips to your cheeks. “My perfect girl. All mine.”
“All yours, Boyd,” You confirmed with fluttering eyelids and a dry throat. Satisfied exhaustion settled in your bones. You felt like you had just run a marathon. “C-Can I have some water?” Boyd nodded dutifully and slipped away to the bathroom, returning with a large glass and a handful of wetwipes. The contrast of the cool wipes against your pulsing sex made you squirm and Boyd whispered an apology. The next swipe was gentler and you sipped on your water. He cleaned you so reverently that you almost forgot this was the same man who kidnapped you. Doubt swirled in your stomach. You had spent the past two months believing that he wanted to kill you, that you were a fleeting fancy he would dump in a lake somewhere. But as you watched his face as he cleaned you up, filled with devotion and care, you began to think differently. You began to trust Boyd’s words. You began to trust that he really did love you. Maybe you could love him, too.
summary: you hated jack, and you were positive he hated you too. two broken down cars and one blizzard bring the truth to the surface.
warnings: no age gap :(, med student!jack and med student!reader, I'm imagining they're both 26 and in the last year of med school, forced proximity, one sided e2l, there's only one bed! oh no!, cuddle or die, jack is kind of a dick , reader thinks jack is gonna kill her, don't worry he's just hopelessly in love, jack calls reader a bitch, love confessions, getting together, wearing jack's clothes, spooning, grinding, fingering, kissing, hickies, accidental somnophilia, dry humping, unprotected sex, big dick jack, belly bulge, creampie, mating press, sex in a strangers home
author's note: idfk what time period this is set in, im just here to sexualize this man
we're playing fast and loose with how both med school works and jack lore. I'm back to spreading my 'jacks legal first name is John' agenda. also, I barely know how undergrad works, since I am a drop out! suspend your disbelief, my more educated mutuals
There’s no way the universe should be this insistent on fucking you over.
Your shitbox of a car died a day before you were set to present your research at a conference in upstate New York in the middle of January. It was the biggest opportunity of your medical school career so far, and was going to secure your residency. But you couldn’t afford to fix it or buy plane tickets and there was no bus that could get you from Pittsburgh to Syracuse in time.
So when your program advisor called you into his office to say he found another student driving to the conference that would be willing to carpool, you nearly jumped for joy. Until the next words out of his mouth put a bullet in the brain of your newfound hope.
“-Jack Abbot! You’ve met him, right? You’re in the same year.”
Yes, you had met Jack Abbot. Several, miserable times.
Every interaction you’d had with Jack ended with you seething and him smirking. He seemed to be addicted to pushing your buttons every chance he could.
But you didn’t have a choice. And you’d definitely made sure to verify that Jack was your only option. You must have asked every other student you had classes with, but they were either flying or not going at all. So you were stuck with him.
Stuck in the confined space of the cab of his small truck, side by side on the bench seat, for five and a half hours.
Everything about him pissed you off. His perfect curls were irritating, especially since you were sure he used 15-in-1 soap to wash it, the woodsy scent of his aftershave made every breath feel agonizing, and the way his legs were spread wide was obscene. It was his car, you had no right to complain that he was taking up so much space. But god did you wish he was cowering against the door like you were. You wished he put more space between the two of you, but the small cab left about a foot between you, even with you folding your body into the farthest corner your seatbelt allowed. It was entirely too close for comfort.
You’d made it a point to avoid looking at him as much as possible since this disastrous ride had begun 2 hours ago. So far, you’ve managed to mostly succeed, focusing on the falling snow and the freezing scenery outside. But you felt his eyes on you every few miles. His gaze was hot whenever it landed on you. You could feel it, even through your thick sweatshirt and jeans.
But Jack didn’t say anything. He hadn’t said a single word since you’d met him in front of your apartment building at 1 pm and loaded up your bags into the covered bed. It was unusual for him. Normally, he liked to goad you into a reaction, sending barbs your way constantly. So the silence unnerved you. You didn’t know how to exist in a space with Jack Abbot when you weren’t on the defensive.
And then the universe decided to fuck you even harder.
The snow was falling even harder as Jack pulled off the freeway and onto a smaller back road. You wanted to question him, but you didn’t want to be the one to break the silence. Plus, you didn’t know where you were. For all you knew, Jack had driven through this area a thousand times before.
But the farther you got down the road, the heavier the snow was getting and the slower Jack was driving. You hadn’t seen another car or building for the past 30 minutes and the plows clearly weren’t running out here.
And then - truly the cherry on top- the engine started sputtering.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jack braked hard, the tires slipping slightly as he pulled off the road onto the shoulder.
“What the fuck?” You looked over at him for the first time in an hour.
Jack threw the truck in park before he was grabbing his coat. “Stay here.”
Where the fuck did he think you were going to go? You were in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a snowstorm. The cab of the truck was pleasantly warm, and the burst of cold air when Jack opened his door convinced you even more that you were not going to get out.
You watched him round the front. He popped the hood of the truck, hiding him from view. What the hood didn’t hide, though, was the cloud of smoke that billowed out.
“Oh fuck me,” there was no way you were making it to the convention. You checked your phone. No service. Of course.
The hood slammed shut and you jumped, looking up to watch Jack walk back around to the drivers side. He slid back in, shutting the door hard behind him and scrubbing a hand over his face.
“We’re fucked.”
“What are we going to do?” You chewed on your bottom lip as you looked at the land around you. “I do not want to die of hypothermia in your shitty truck.”
“My truck isn’t shitty,” he sounded like a petulant child.
“It just fucking died on us,” you leveled a glare at him. “I’d say that makes it shitty.”
He grumbled something under his breath.
Both of you sat in silence for a moment.
“We need to find somewhere to shelter,” Jack was looking out the windows.
“There is nothing out - ”
“There,” he was pointing into the trees at something that you could not see. Everything blended together in the dim lighting and haze of falling snow.
“What?”
“There,” Jack started gathering a few things scattered around. His phone, his water bottle, and the keys made the cut, all being stuffed into the pocket of his heavy duty coat. “There’s a cabin.”
“Bullshit there's a cabin. I don’t see anything,” you really didn’t. All you could see was a mass of black and gray and green.
“There is,” he opened his door again. “Are you coming or are you going to freeze to death here?”
There wasn’t much of a choice. You could already feel the chill creeping in through the thin glass of the windows now that the engine was dead. You could follow Jack into the woods and either find shelter or freeze to death in the snow, or stay in the truck and freeze to death in the carcass of his shitbox.
No matter what, the threat of hypothermia was real and, even though you weren’t officially a doctor yet, you knew the risks. So you gave one last long suffering sigh, and opened your door.
You were immediately thankful you’d put leggings on beneath your jeans that morning. The temperature change slapped you in the face as soon as you stepped out into the ankle deep snow.
Jack was rifling through the bed of the truck, pulling out his duffel bag. You watched him hesitate for a minute, before abandoning the garment bag containing the suit he’d packed. You tried not to think about just how good he’d look in a formal get up.
“Grab your shit,” Jack was pulling on a pair of gloves. His cheeks were already rosy from the freezing wind. “We’ve gotta get there fast.”
You gathered your things, yanking your own gloves and coat out of your bag. You left your own garment bag containing the gown you’d thrifted for the final banquet in the bed alongside the covered poster board for your research. It was going to be ruined if you and Jack ever made it back to the truck alive, given that there was not a chance you’d be making it to the conference, you didn’t bother trying to save it.
“Lead the way,” you slung your bag over your shoulder, pulling the hood up over your head to try and shield you as much as possible from the chill.
Jack led you across the frozen road and down into the treeline. The snow came up to mid calf, soaking your feet through your boots. Very quickly, you started to shiver, trying to curl into yourself as you walked.
You were both grateful and pissed to see the shape of the cabin come into view. You needed to get warm, but you did not want to admit Jack was right.
It took about 20 minutes for you to reach the front porch. By now, the snow was falling so hard that you couldn’t see the road or the truck through the haze.
“C’mon, c’mon,” Jack tried the door handle, sighing with relief when it swung open.
The inside of the cabin was simple. About the same size as your studio apartment back in Pittsburgh. It was dark, but you could see a fireplace against one wall, across from a full sized bed. There was a small kitchenette and a small bathroom you could see through a half open door. The whole place was dusty and looked like it hadn’t been used since last summer, but it would have to do.
Both you and Jack tumbled in. It was cold, but at least the sturdy wooden walls kept the wind chill out.
“You got a lighter?” Jack was already moving towards the fireplace, inspecting a few of the logs piled next to it. He seemed to approve of a few of them, piling them up.
“Yeah, here,” you fished a lighter out of your jacket pocket, tossing it to him as you set your bag down on the bed.
You watched him for a moment. He shed his coat, pushing the sleeves of his sweatshirt up as he set a few scraps of newspaper alight. With a gentle few breaths, he grew the flame before placing it under the pile of logs he’d formed in the fireplace. It took a moment, but gradually the flames grew until there was a bright, flickering fire lighting up the small room.
You could feel the warmth it was putting off starting to seep into you, but it wasn’t enough. Your coat was still on, but you were shivering beneath it.
Jack noticed, doing a double take over his shoulder when he saw you still standing by the bed.
“Come over here.”
“I’m fine,” your voice was unsteady.
“You need to get warm,” Jack was untying his boots, digging through his bag for a new pair of socks as he discarded the damp pair he’d been wearing. “You’re gonna get frostbite.”
“No, I’m not,” but you were moving towards him, crossing the small room to stand beside him in front of the fireplace.
“Take off your clothes.”
You looked over at Jack like he’d grown a second head, ready to tell him off. But the words died in your throat when you saw he was stripping his shirt and hoodie off, leaving him bare from the waist up. You froze for a moment, eyes wide and brain buffering, until his hands grabbed for the zipper of his jeans.
“What the fuck?!” You spun around, trying to will your blush away.
“We need to get into dry clothes and get warm,” the shuffling sounds of his clothes hitting the floor was tempting you to turn around. You wanted just a little peak.
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, you won’t.”
And then Jack’s hands were at your waist, pulling up your sweatshirt.
“Woah!” You spun away from him, putting distance between you and begging your heart to slow down its rapid beating.
“I’m not letting you blame me when your toes fall off,” Jack crossed his arms over his chest. He’d changed into a plain black t-shirt, gray sweatpants, and thick wool socks. God damn it, he looked good. “I won’t look, but you need to change.”
“Fine,” you walked back towards your bag. “Don’t look.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jack’s eyes raked over you once before he was turning back to face the fire.
You moved quickly, stripping out of your layers. You’d been planning on being in a nice, cosy hotel and convention center, tucked safely away from the cold, so you’d only brought jeans, slacks, and your comfortable sleep shorts. Tight, spandex shorts that left very little to the imagination. The leggings you wore under your jeans were soaked up to the thighs with melted snow and unwearable.
So you grabbed your most modest shorts, although ‘modest’ was a stretch. They were tight and short, covered completely by the oversized crewneck you pulled on after. You didn’t have too many options for socks, stuck with a relatively thin pair of white ankle length ones. Your nice, insulating ones were soaked from your trek through the snow.
“Is it safe yet?”
You glanced over at Jack, silhouetted against the fire. His shoulders looked a hell of a lot broader than you’d realized, the muscles of his arms standing out. God fucking damnit.
“Yeah, it’s safe,” you cleared your throat, looking away from him as you moved your bag away from the bed, setting it on the floor by the nightstand.
“That’s what you’re wearing to not freeze?”
His judgmental tone made you bristle, reminding your traitorous mind that you did, in fact, hate this man.
“I didn’t have a lot of options,” you unnecessarily straightened your duffel, looking anywhere but at him. “I didn’t plan for you to get us stranded in the fucking woods. I packed for a fancy hotel and a conference, which is where we would be if you didn’t try to kill us.”
“I didn’t try to kill us,” he scoffed. You risked a glance at him. He was digging through his own bag. “I took a shortcut to go around the traffic on the interstate. Here.”
He wadded up a pair of flannel pants and threw them at you. You caught them, trying not to take a deep breath. They smelled like detergent and that addicting smell of his cologne.
“These are fucking ugly,” the idea of wearing his clothes and being stuck in such a small space with him triggered your fight or flight instinct. Seeing as flight wasn’t a reasonable option with a blizzard outside, you decided to fight.
“By all means,” Jack rolled his eyes. “Freeze to death because my pants are ugly. I’d finally get some peace and quiet.”
“The fuck do you mean ‘peace and quiet’? I didn’t say a fucking thing the whole car ride!”
“Yeah, and it was fantastic.”
Grumbling to yourself about what a dick he was, you gave in. You were fully aware he was trying to get you to wear the stupid pants. You could sacrifice your pride to put them on and deny him the satisfaction of you going silent.
“Maybe if I’d said something, we wouldn’t be stuck here,” you tugged the god awful pants up over your shorts, having to double know the waistband to keep them up around your hips.
“Oh so you agree, this is your fault,” Jack looked smug. He sat down on the rug in front of the fireplace, his legs spread out before him. His feet were blisteringly close to the flames. You hoped his stupid socks caught on fire.
“How is this my fault? I didn’t tell you to drive off the main road in the middle of a snowstorm. This is your fault,” begrudgingly, you made your way towards him. You sat down 3 feet away from him, relishing the wave of heat that greeted you once you were close to the fire. The rest of the space was slowly warming up, but the cold still seeped in through the fogged over windows and wooden walls.
“Well I wouldn’t be stuck out here if I didn’t have to drive you to this stupid convention,” Jack leaned back on his palms. He looked calm and relaxed, and that made you even more irritated.
“Oh, so you only took this backroad because of me,” you stretched out your hands to warm your frigid fingers. “Glad you admitted this was attempted murder.”
“‘Attempted murder’ my ass,” he shook his head, narrowing his eyes. His gaze scanned you from head to toe. You told yourself the shiver that ran through your body was from the cold. “I would be nice and cosy in my apartment if it wasn’t for you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I only agreed to go to the conference because you needed a ride.”
“Bullshit,” you scoffed. That didn’t make any sense. Why the hell would Jack do that? He’d been a massive dick since you met him. Every group project or hospital rotation you ended up on with him was hell. He pushed your buttons, poking and prodding at you with sharp little quips until you snapped.
Jack didn’t say anything. He turned his face back towards the fire, focusing on the flickering flames.
“Jack…?”
He stayed silent.
You didn’t know what to say. You were confused. He hates you, so why would he agree to be locked in a car with you for an extended amount of time. Maybe he truly did want to lure you out into the woods and kill you.
But why? Sure, you were classmates, both competing for residency spots in a technical sense, but that wasn’t strictly true. It pained you to admit it, but Jack was in a league of his own. He was smart. Annoyingly so. He was constantly at the top of your class, leading test scores by a mile. You weren’t stupid, not at all, but Jack was something else. You weren’t competition for him.
“Did you…” How do you ask a classmate if he planned to kill you? You swallowed hard, suddenly very nervous. “Did you bring me out here to - to get rid - ”
“Jesus Christ, [name],” he finally looked at you again, sitting up and resting his elbows on his outstretched legs. He looked horrified. “You think I agreed to drive you, took a shortcut, and sabotaged my truck to - to what? Kill you?”
“Then why did you agree to drive me?” You couldn’t wrap your head around it.
“Just drop it, ok?” He scrubbed a hand down his face, rubbing at his jaw and looking away.
“Just doesn’t make sense,” you were mumbling. You scanned him, reading the tension in his shoulders.
“Drop. It.” This was the most emotion you’d seen him exhibit in all four years you’d been in school together. His jaw was clenched.
In the flickering light, it was hard to tell if his cheeks were flushed from the rising heat of the fire or if he was actually blushing.
“No, I’m not going to drop it,” you finally had a chance to push his buttons, but you also wanted to know why he’d go out of his way to drive 12+ hours round trip if he wasn’t presenting or trying to network at the conference. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“I like you, alright?” He buried his face in his hands. “I’ve liked you for years. I wanted to do something nice for you. I wanted to spend time with you. I like being near you, I like talking to you when you’re not being a bitch - ”
“Don’t you fucking dare call me a bitch, Jack Abbot,” you were still trying to process his confession, the wheels in your brain turning at a snails pace.
“Fuck, fuck, you’re right. I’m so sorry, I’m fucking this up,” Jack took a deep breath, lifting his head to look at you. His expression was pained. “I like talking to you when you’re not trying to piss me off, and even when you are, I still enjoy it. You’re smart, you’re gorgeous - incredibly gorgeous. And we’re about to graduate soon, we’re both leaving for residency in a few months and I couldn’t - I couldn’t not say anything.”
You didn’t know how to respond. Jack paused for a moment at your silence, but then he carried on like he couldn’t stop.
“I practiced this whole little speech for the gala at the end of the weekend,” he laughed sardonically, running a hand through his curls. “I was gonna pull you to the side, somewhere pretty and romantic and tell you how amazing I thought you were, how beautiful you looked in whatever dress you brought. I was gonna ask you out on a date when we got back to Pittsburgh. And then I fucked it up. I swear, I didn’t know my truck was going to die.”
He was definitely blushing now. “And I didn’t take a shortcut. I went the long way around to get more time with you since I knew you’d ignore me as soon as we got to the hotel. But I really was trying to avoid traffic on the interstate! I just didn’t expect it to start snowing so hard.”
For a second, you were quiet. You still didn’t know how to respond, but words fell from your lips before you could stop them.
“The car ride back would have been awkward as fuck if I said no.”
Jack laughed, eyes crinkling as he shook his head.
“Yeah, it would have been,” he sobered up, hope sparking in his eyes. “But I was willing to risk the humiliation if there was a chance you’d give me a shot.”
Would you have given him a shot? You didn’t know. For years you’d been so insistent that you hated him, but you couldn’t deny that you’d been attracted to him since day 1. You’d noticed him immediately at orientation, but you hadn’t gotten a chance to speak to him until the first randomly assigned group project in your cadaver lab. He’d been a know-it-all, correcting your technique with a scalpel, raising one of those condescending eyebrows and judging every move you’d made. It rubbed you the wrong way, and clouded your perception of him.
You’d written him off after that, but the two of you kept being forced together. Same professor assigned group projects, similar friend circles, same hospital rotations. Every interaction just reinforced your view of him. It pissed you off every time you caught him staring at you, every time he sat next to you in lectures, asked to share your notes, when he poked and prodded and teased you.
But everything looked very different with the knowledge that he’d been into you since the beginning. Now, he looked less like a piece of shit that wanted to torment you and more like a lovesick puppy that wanted your attention. Either way, it wasn’t a flattering look for him, but the latter option was much more forgivable than the former.
“So?”
You jumped, ripped out of your thoughts to find Jack staring at you again.
“So…?”
“Do I get a chance?” He looked terrified of what your response would be.
“I - ” you didn’t know. Your mind was spinning, trying to parse out your feelings and figure out exactly how you were feeling about the situation.
“It’s ok if you don’t feel the same way,” his hand ran through his hair again, tugging at his curls as he went. “I get it, I’ve been a dick - ”
“No - I mean, yes you have been, but,” you took a deep breath. “I - I don’t know. I had no clue you felt this way. I’m just… trying to process this.”
“Ok, yeah, yeah that’s ok,” Jack was nodding, his eyes fixed on the floor. “Yeah, I mean, you don’t owe me an answer. And you can say no.”
He laughed again, but it was gruff and self deprecating.
“I swear I’m not going to kill you if you say no.”
“Gee, that makes me feel so much better.”
Both of you were quiet for a moment, and then you burst out laughing. A real laugh, not the sad imitation Jack had let out previously. You felt hysterical, the situation did not call for the intensity of the laughter spilling from you, but it did help to diffuse the tension that had been rising in the confined space.
When you were able to calm yourself, both of you gasping for breath and staring into the flames, your thoughts turned back to everything. You were hesitant to just accept, still struggling to reframe the last 3 ½ years now that you had more context. But you were curious.
“If we live,” you broke the silence that had fallen over the room. “If we make it out of this fucking murder cabin, I’ll give you a chance.”
Jack snorted, a smile tugging at his lips.
“Then we better survive.”
The two of you sat there in front of the fire for a few more hours, passing bags of chips and candies back and forth, trying to make the time go by and conserve the batteries of your phones. You drifted in and out of conversation and silence. Surprisingly, you found yourself enjoying talking to him. For the first time since you’d been introduced, you had a pleasant conversation. Neither of you brought up his confession or your tentative acceptance.
Instead, you asked about him. And you learned a lot, shockingly. You knew the basics; he was a few months older than you, he was too smart for his own good, and he’d sold his soul to the Army and would be doing his residency at a military hospital. You almost envied the fact that he got to skip the stress of match day. Almost. You would absolutely not trade that stress in exchange for the next 10 years of your life.
Jack was from Maryland, and he was getting to go back to do his residency at Walter Reed. You saw his eyes light up with hope when you told him your first choice for residency was John Hopkins, but he didn’t say anything. You’d be pretty damn close to each other if you got lucky, but you didn’t dwell on that.
His first name was actually John, and he looked disgusted by it, but his expression softened when you laughed after he revealed he was actually John Andrew Abbot III. You pretended not to notice that, too.
You shared information of your own, also. Jack smiled when you told him about your childhood pets. He laughed when you told him silly stories from undergrad. He stayed quiet, letting you speak when you shared about struggling to make ends meet while still in school.
It endeared you but also pissed you off that he knew just how to react. He was empathetic and sweet when he wasn’t pushing your buttons.
You liked talking to Jack, you realized. You liked getting to know him.
The two of you had started yawning about an hour ago, but neither of you were ready to stop talking. It was only when the conversation finally lulled and you found yourself fighting against your increasingly heavy eyelids.
“We should get some sleep,” Jack was pushing himself up from the floor, dusting off his hands and sweats as he went. He extended a hand to you, and you found yourself not hesitating to take it, allowing him to pull you to your feet. His hand was warm and steady, and you found yourself fighting off a twinge of disappointment when he let go. “You can take the bed.”
“What? No,” there was only one bed in the one room cabin. It was so small, there wasn’t even room for a couch. The only other furniture in the space was a small kitchen table and two chairs, and a beaten up armchair covered by a thin white sheet. “Where are you going to sleep?”
He shrugged, shifting his duffel closer and moving the clothes in it around until he seemed satisfied with the shape. “Here, in front of the fire. I can make sure it keeps going all night.”
“No,” you grabbed his arm, stopping him from moving towards a small linen closet neither of you had bothered to peek into so far. “No, you’re not sleeping on the floor. We…”
He raised an eyebrow, gaze flicking between your face and your hand still holding onto his bicep. You let go, taking a step back.
“We can share the bed,” you glanced over your shoulder. The bed was small, probably full sized. Just barely big enough to fit the two of you, although you’d have to scoot pretty close to the edge to avoid touching.
“I’m not complaining about sharing a bed with you,” Jack looked at the bed too. “I think I’ve made myself clear about that - ”
You swallowed hard. You hadn’t let yourself think about that aspect of his confession. In fact, you’d beaten it back into the shadowy corners of your mind as aggressively as you could. You wouldn’t survive however long your confinement was going to be if you let yourself think about the more physical implications of Jack being into you.
He looked down at you. The light from the fire was dancing across the planes of his face, knocking the breath out of your lungs with how ethereal he looked. He was handsome everyday, but he looked unreal in this lighting.
“ - but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You haven’t told me how you feel, and you haven’t agreed to go out with me - not that that means you have to… y’know…” he seemed to be struggling to find the words. He was blushing again. “Be… be that close to me.”
“I - ” you paused, searching for the right words. You really were starting to be willing to give him a chance, especially with how well your conversations had gone. And yes, fine, maybe you’d been physically attracted to him from the beginning, but when you’d found yourself in moments of weakness before, you’d imagined any sort of physical or intimate encounter being… well, not nearly so emotionally charged. In those late night fantasies, it was rough, aggressive, something born out of hate and frustration. But now, he looked nervous, his eyes soft and apprehensive. You once again didn’t know how to handle this type of interaction with him.
So, you decided to be an adult about it. For fucks sake, you were 26. You could share a bed with a man who just confessed he’d been in love with you for years and who you’d been fantasizing about for just as long.
You cleared your throat, taking your hand off his arm. “We can share a bed without… without it being anything more.”
“Right, right, of course,” Jack let out a breath. “As long as you’re ok, then yeah.”
“Yeah,” you were a big fat liar. “It’ll be fine.”
So the two of you got ready for your doom. You gathered your toiletries as Jack threw a few more logs on the fire to hopefully keep it going all night.
The bathroom thankfully had running water, even if the rest of the cabin had no electricity, so you were able to take turns brushing your teeth. You went first, taking many deep breaths and giving yourself a silent pep talk in the small, dark room.
“All yours!” Your smile and chipper attitude felt forced when you let him have his turn. You sat on the side of the bed with your bag, digging through it, searching for nothing to give your anxious hands something to do.
“You ready for bed?”
Jack came out of the bathroom, crossing to the other side of the bed and starting to pull back the covers. You stook, giving him a nod and pulling back the ones on your side. Both of you slipped in silently.
“Good night,” Jack rolled over, his back to you, facing the front door.
You followed his lead, turning your back to him and trying to snuggle in underneath the thin blankets. “Good night.”
Jack’s pants and the residual warmth in your clothes from sitting in front of the fire for so long helped lull you to sleep, and quickly, you found yourself falling under.
When you woke, it was to a warm presence at your back and freezing air nipping at the exposed skin of your face. It was completely dark in the room, no light coming in through the windows or from the now extinguished fireplace.
You pushed back, chasing the heat behind you. That’s when you became aware of several things at once.
That warmth behind you was Jack. The entire length of his body was pressed against yours and his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist, one above and one below, keeping you firmly in place. Those arms were underneath your sweatshirt, one palm resting just below your breasts and the other right above the waistband of your borrowed pants. His face was nuzzled in the crook of your neck, breath hot against the sensitive skin.
You tried to shift, to move out of his hold and restart the fire so that you didn’t have to confront exactly how hot the skin on skin contact was making you deep inside.
Jack didn’t let you move, though. His arm tightened around you, tugging you back against him even more firmly. That was when you really felt him. The hard length of his cock was pressed against your ass.
He was still asleep, but that didn’t stop his hips from grinding forward. You gasped, clenching your thighs together. Involuntarily, you pressed back against him again. His hand shifted up, sliding over your breast and loosely squeezing the flesh.
“Jack,” your voice was quiet and broken around another gasp as he pushed his length against your ass again.
He mumbled something incoherent, before squeezing your breast again. The hand on your stomach dipped lower, his fingers just beginning to slide underneath your bottoms.
You were existing between sleep and waking, half convinced this was some sort of extremely vivid dream.Your pulse was racing, hips pushing back to meet his at every sleepy movement. Both of you were breathing harder, the cold seemingly beaten back by the rising heat between you.
“[Name],” you could just barely make out the slurred groan of your name breathed against your neck. It sparked even more heat in your core to hear him say your name.
“Jack?”
God, you sounded fucked out already. Jack’s hand was pushing even farther into your pants and under the shorts you wore beneath.
The first brush of his fingers over your folds had you whining, and that was when Jack finally woke up.
You felt him freeze behind you, his hands tightening on reflex, dragging his fingers through your folds and against your clit. It ripped an embarrassing moan out of you, your hips pushing back against his cock in response to the jolt of pleasure.
“[Name]?” Jack’s voice was sleepy and confused.
“Jack,” you whined in response.
“Oh fuck,” he pulled back, hands leaving you. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
“Wait - ” but Jack wasn’t listening
“Fuck, I told you I wouldn’t try anything, I’m so fucking sorry. That - I can’t believe I did that. Fuck.”
“Jack, stop,” he was sitting up, elbows on his knees and hands in his hair. The heat in you died when you saw him so upset. “Jack, look at me.”
“I’m sorry - ”
“Stop apologizing,” you pushed him flat onto his back, swinging a leg over his hips and leaning over him. Your hair created a curtain, closing the two of you into a little bubble.
“But I - ”
“Shut up!”
And then you kissed him. He froze for a moment, but he quickly melted into you, his hands coming up to grab your waist. He let you lead for a moment, his lips following the slow, languid rhythm you set.
Until your tongue swiped over the seam of his lips. Then, his hold on you tightened and with a firm buck of his hips, he was rolling you onto your back. He settled between your legs, grinding his length against you as his tongue stroked against yours, licking into your mouth and swallowing the noises that leaked out of you. Your hands tangled in his hair, holding him to you.
“Fuck,” Jack pulled back, gasping for air. His forehead rested against yours. “Are you sure - ”
“Yes, I’m fucking sure,” you bucked your hips up against his, tugging on his hair as you did. He groaned, meeting your thrust. “Wanted this for a long time.”
“I thought you hated me,” Jack’s hand was slipping back underneath your sweatshirt to push it up. His thumb dragged over your newly exposed pebbled nipple.
“Yeah, I did,” your back arched, pushing your chest even further into his hand. “Doesn’t mean you’re not hot, though.”
“Yeah?” He was smirking, his lips ghosting over yours. “I’m just that irresistible?”
“Shut the fuck up,” you pressed your lips against his, drawing him into a filthy kiss. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him back down so you could chase your own pleasure with his body. One of your hands slipped under his shirt, dragging your nails down over his chest and abs.
He moaned, grabbing your hand on his chest and pinning it to the mattress beside your head. He broke the kiss, nipping at your lower lip as he went.
“Unless you want this to end way too soon, you better fucking stop that,” his voice was low and ragged, fingers flexing against your wrist.
“Stop what?” You wanted to both know exactly what was driving him crazy, and to play dumb and rile him up.
“Touching me,” he ducked his head, nipping and sucking at the skin of your neck. “Looking so fucking good underneath me, all of it.”
“See,” you bit back a whimper. “I don’t think you really want me to stop.”
Your back arched and your hips bucked up again as he sucked a dark mark into the skin below your jaw.
“I don’t, but I don’t want to cum in my pants, either,” he moved lower, to a new, unblemished patch of skin. “So either take your pants off or tell me to go take a cold shower.”
“Gotta let go of my hand first,” your teeth dug into your lower lip as he licked a stripe up your neck.
“Are you gonna keep it to yourself?” Jack pulled back to look down at you. You grinned back up at him and he rolled his eyes.
“No.”
He laughed, releasing you and sitting back on his knees between your spread thighs. His hands came down to the drawstring, undoing the bow at lightning speed, pushing the pants down your hips. Jack groaned as your shorts came back into view.
“These little fucking shorts,” he stripped the pants off you, lifting your legs into the air as he did. “Made me hard earlier.”
His hand trailed over your hip, brushing across the fabric until he was stroking a finger over your covered slit. Your teeth bit into your lip even harder to smother the whine that he was drawing out of you.
“You’re fucking soaked,” that little smile tugging at his lips was smug and self satisfied. He pressed into you a little harder, circling your covered clit through the spandex. “Is this all for me?”
“You’re an ass,” your teeth were gritted. Every circle he made had your hips twitching up, little sparks shooting from the light touch.
“I think you like that about me,” Jack’s hand left you for just a minute, long enough for it to slip beneath the waistband of your shorts. For the second time tonight, the first with both of you fully aware, his fingers dipped below your soaking folds.
Jack leaned forward, his unoccupied hand braced against the bed by your head. His eyes fixed on yours, chest heaving as he watched every shift of your face while his hand moved. He was exploring, teasing, fingers wandering through every soaked inch of you, the tips just barely dipping into your entrance and then moving back up to circle your clit.
“Fuck,” you were panting, trying to move your hips against his hand, guiding him to the right spot. But every time his fingers found where you needed him, he’d move them away, smiling as he worked you up.
“Jack, I swear to god, I’ll - ”
“You’ll what? Hmm?” He slowed to a stop, his index and middle finger sandwiching your clit between them, pressing down to keep you from rocking into them and chasing your pleasure. “C’mon, tell me what you’ll do.”
“If you don’t make me cum in the next 2 minutes,” his cocky demeanor made you want to simultaneously punch him and kiss him. You hated it, but it fueled the heat and desire curling low in your stomach. Judging from the hard length of him you can just barely make out through his sweats, he was enjoying it, too. “I’ll never let you touch me again.”
His face fell, hardening into determination. “Is that so?”
“Yes - ”
Jack’s fingers pressed directly against your clit, rapidly drawing tight circles around your clit. It was like an electric shock to your body after so much of his teasing. Your back arched, eyes falling shut as your moans filled the air.
“How’s that? Is that what you wanted?”
“Shut - fuck - shut up!”
You were impossibly close, already wound so tightly that you were dangerously close to snapping beneath him.
“I thought you liked it when I was a dick?” Jack leaned even farther over you, his lips closing around your nipple, flicking the bud with his tongue and scraping over it with his teeth.
“Stop fucking talking, Jack!” You felt him laugh against your skin, sending vibrations through your breast.
Your hand tangled in his hair, yanking at the strands. He groaned, switching to your other breast and sucking hard.
You cracked, thighs trying to snap closed around his hand and hips. He didn’t let you, pushing his body even farther into yours to keep them open as he worked you through it. Your legs shook and your hips jerked against his fingers that were still going, drawing even more tremors and cries out of your lips.
You writhed beneath him, forced to let each wave crash over you as Jack held you through it.
“Fuck - no more,” it was nearly impossible to get air into your lungs, but as the sensations died down and overstimulation, Jack backed off.
He pushed back up, easing his hand out of your shorts. He let you breath for a moment, his hands rubbing over your thighs until their trembling slowed to a stop.
“You good?”
“Yeah,” your voice was breathy.
“Can I fuck you now?”
You cracked your eyes open to look at Jack. There was a small wet patch on his sweats, right over the head of his cock. Fuck, he looked long and thick.
“Yes, please,” your hands found the waistband of your shorts, pushing them down.
Jack laughed, his hands joining yours to help remove the shorts from your legs.
“I should have made you cum 3 years ago,” he threw the shorts over his shoulder once he got them free from your ankles. “So nice and polite.”
“Shut up and get naked, asshole,” you sat up, reaching for his sweats, tugging them down his hips.
Suddenly, you were face to face with his cock. He was bigger than you though. The flushed length of his cock slapped against his stomach when it was freed, the leaking head smearing clear fluid against his abs.
You couldn’t help yourself. You leaned forward, licking a stripe up the length from base to tip. The skin was smooth and soft, his cock twitching beneath your touch.
“Fuck!” Jack’s hand grabbed your hair, pulled your head back and away from him as he hissed. “Don’t do that. You’re gonna make me cum.”
“Isn’t that the goal of sex?” You smiled up at him, straining against the hold he had on you to try and get your tongue back on him.
“Yeah, but I’m trying not to embarrass myself and end this way too soon,” Jack guided you by your hair, easing you down onto your back again. “You can blow me later, right now, I think I might die if I don’t get inside you.”
“Then hurry up,” you lifted your legs, hooking them around his waist and pulling him down onto you.
“Alright, alright,” Jack slipped a hand between your bodies, grabbing himself by the base. You forced yourself to breathe as his tip swiped through your folds, coating his cock in your fluids before he was lining himself up. He pressed in slowly. You felt yourself part around him, your walls stretching around the crown of his head. You were impossibly full, and he was barely in you.
He kept pushing in, both of you panting and looking down, eyes locked on where you were joined. You didn’t think you could take anymore, but he kept going, your walls sucking him in and pulling him into your depths.
“Fuck,” your head dropped back when he bottomed out. He ground forward, staying fully seated inside you and letting you adjust.
“Oh shit,” Jack sat up between your legs, hands gripping your hips, keeping them pressed fully against his. The shift in angle had you keening. “Look at that.”
Your eyes cracked open, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
“Can fucking see myself, holy shit,” one of his hands left your hips, tracing around the very visible sight of his cock outlined in your lower stomach. You were transfixed, watching with bated breath as his fingertips brushed against your skin. Goosebumps broke out across your body at the sensation.
“I wonder…” Jack trailed off, eyes still focused on your stomach. His hand moved, gently laying over the outline of his cock. He let it sit there for just a moment, palming his length through your skin.
And then he pushed down.
Both of you cried out at once. You’d already felt full, but the added pressure of his hand made his length feel even bigger. He was everywhere, completely consuming you from the inside out.
“Holy fuck!” His hips jerked into you, snapping against a spot deep inside you that had you arching in his hold.
“Oh fuck, Jack!”
“Yeah? You feel that?” Jack started moving, his hips withdrawing and punching back into you, rapidly working his way up to a punishing pace. You couldn’t answer with words. He was pushing the breath out of your lungs with every thrust. “God, you’re so full of me, baby.”
And then Jack hiked your legs up over his shoulders, releasing the pressure on your stomach in exchange for keeping your thighs pressed tight to his chest. It opened you up even more to him.
“Oh my god,” Jack bent forward, burying his face back in your neck, pushing your legs into your chest, folding you in half. He was rutting into you, groaning as he chased his pleasure.
You were getting close again, too. Every thrust had the neatly trimmed hairs at the base of his cock grinding over your clit as his tip slammed home against your g-spot. Your eyes were closed, lost in the pleasure. You couldn’t move, completely pinned beneath him and forced to take the overwhelming pleasure.
“Jack! Please!” Your hand tangled in his hair again, holding the strands tightly. It was your only lifeline and you used it to tether yourself to reality.
“Oh fuck,” Jack was panting into the skin of your shoulder. “Fuck, I’m close. C’mon, cum for me. Please, need to feel you.”
You were so close, only a hair's breadth from your peak.
When Jack bit down on your shoulder and his hips stuttered, you came again. You clamped around him, walls spasming and squeezing while he rutted even deeper into you. Jack was groaning your name while he spilled deep inside of you. The hot pusles of his release propelled your own, the two of you pushing each other even higher.
He finally let go of your legs, helping to ease them down until they were resting on the mattress on either side of his hips. He didn’t move to pull out, though. The two of you stayed wrapped around each other, his softening length buried inside you, until the cold was too much to bear.
“So,” Jack gingerly climbed off of you, the cold air rushing in. “Can I take you on a real date now?”
“If you get me a washcloth to clean up with and get the fire started, I’ll marry you as soon as we get out of here,” you were shivering now.
Jack grinned, leaning back down to press a quick kiss to your lips. “Promise?”
another little note: I'm trying out a new reader insert format. usually, I just keep it vague and don't use any form of y/n, but we're gonna do something a little different. my dear friend @fangirl-dot-com asked her followers how they felt about y/n and y/l/n, and someone in the comments said they prefer [name] and [surname] and I like that. its not really used here very much, but I wanted to give it a try. lmk if you hate it but, like, I like it so ill probably keep using it. unless all of you hate it
jack abbot loves when you tell him how much you love him during sex. he’s so cocky about it, holdin your legs up and grunting out a “yeah? you love me? i love you too, baby” before he’s cumming inside you seconds later. there’s just something about you being so fucked out, pawing at him and trying to hold onto anything while he pounds into you, yet still being so fuckin’ sweet and babbling ‘i love you’s between thrusts that really gets to him.
Summary: At an awards ceremony, Jack makes a speech when he wins thanking everyone, especially his late wife. he just forgot one person: you, his fiancée. And it's only once you're gone that he understands how much you meant to him. Only it might be too late. (6.6k)
Pairing: Jack Abbot x fiancée!reader
TW: 18+ MDNI, NSFW; Smut—very descriptive with p-in-v, vaginal fingering, praise kink if you squint (this scene got away from me. I sincerely apologize); Angst; break-up and get back together; insecurities of the reader; comparing herself to Jack's late wife; psychiatrist reader; Parker Ellis is the reader's best friend; Jack calls the reader sweet girl and good girl in a scene; usage of y/n (sorry, not sorry).
Credit: GIF by @iluvseb and idea by @lunarayletters
You can tell that Jack is nervous even though he’d never admit it, you can tell by the way he’s smoothing his hands incessantly against the fabric of his pants, expression darker than normal and attention set on the stage, on a fixed point never wavering. Jack never likes to admit that he’s a normal human, that he feels nervousness like everyone else because for so long he wasn’t. He couldn’t.
He’s told you this, how showing nerves could sometimes be the difference between life and death. A steady grip on a rifle was needed when someone’s life was in the balance. But you’ve also reminded him that nerves about things like this, awards, are different. They are by their nature, self-directed things, no one else is relying on you for anything.
It doesn’t mean he listens.
“Jack,” you whisper, reaching over and lifting one of his hands, stopping his ceaseless rhythm of rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, Adam’s apple bobbing, bobbing, bobbing. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Hm…what?” he asks you, tearing his eyes from the stage, the movement looking pained as if the stage is the only thing that really exists, the only thing holding him together, right hand still rubbing, left held in yours, palm sweaty, clammy, cold.
“It’s going to be okay,” you tell him, the words said slow and calm and enunciated clearly. You do not want the ringing in his ears, the one that gets worse when he’s nervous, when his blood pressure is high, to drown out what you’re telling. To drown out your assurances.
“I know,” he says, the words fast and bitten out, his eyes shifting, roving over your face, taking in every detail as if he’ll forget, as if he needs it all to bring himself back for a moment. “I know,” he says again, slower this time, less believing.
“No, you don’t,” you say and his eyes flick up from where they’ve settled on your lips, the eyes like sun through fall bare branches fixing on yours. “But it’s okay because I do. You are going to win this award and go up there and give your speech and everything will be. Okay.”
“You just can’t stop being a psychiatrist, can you?” he asks with a broken kind of laugh, a cracking, breathy chuckle, deep and dark and bitter.
“Do you want me to give your speech a read through before they call the winner? You haven’t let me see it so…” you pause, but he shakes his head, simply squeezing your hand with his left, his right stilling its ceaseless motion.
“I’ll be okay,” he whispers, lips curving into his crooked grin as the announcer steps up to the podium, feedback crackling from the microphone, the kind of staticky sound echoing, squealing around you, fading slowly, slowly, slowly.
“You’ll be better than okay,” you tell him as the announcer’s voice cuts through the last of the feedback, calling up the award for PTMC Doctor of the Year.
“…Jack Abbot, everyone! Can we please put our hands together for Dr. Abbot, our new Doctor of the Year!” Jack is frozen, every muscle rigid, the paper on which he wrote his acceptance speech by hand crumpling in his fist. You teased him about the old-fashioned writing of his, the speech he wrote in between traumas and consults and cases, but really you loved that he wrote it by hand, on paper, the way you love to do everything.
“Jack, honey,” you whisper, your free hand coming to rest between his shoulder blades, shaking him awake from his frozen, dazed stupor. “You won. Go up there.” And he does, albeit shakily, his body seeming to move on muscle memory alone, programming from the time he was a toddler, learning to walk, learning control over the intricate network of his skelature.
He looks dashing, silver curls glinting in the gleam of the overhead lights as he steps onto the stage, his movements wooden, but the grin on his face anything but. He shakes hands with the announcer, accepting the engraved glass plaque and stepping up to the podium, setting the award on it along with his speech, his hand smoothing away the creases from his previous clenching of it.
“Good evening, everyone,” he says, voice low and sultry even without trying, his voice quiet but amplified without feedback, just perfect. Like him. “I would like to start off by saying thank you for the award. It means so much to me to know that I have helped people and that I have helped enough, well enough, to be…well, doctor of the year.
“But I would not be doctor of the year without the rest of the dedicated staff at PTMC. Even if you don’t work in the ED, I rely on you for consults and beds and patient help so I would not be the doctor that I am without all of you. Most importantly, I want to acknowledge the most important person in my life,” you know it’s not you, you know what’s coming, your hand fidgeting with your engagement ring, waiting for her name even as the people around look at you, smiling, mistaken.
“My late wife, Regina. She was everything to me, my supporter and my partner and the one who held me when I couldn’t hold myself up. She gave me enough to keep going so that I could keep everyone else going. She was my opposite, preferring to stay at home and keep it and that’s what she did. She told me that I could save the world and she would save me so even though I’ve been missing her for years, I still want to thank her. Losing her was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but…” you wait, thinking now. Now he’ll address you, but I was lucky enough to find love again. Not a replacement, that’s not what you are, but someone else.
“But I was not alone, my best friend, Robby, helped me through it. He kept me going and told me that the ED needed us, that we needed to keep it running. So, I stayed. Because he reminded me that it needed me. I also want to thank,” me, you think. Me, “Dana Evans, Parker Ellis, John Shen, Crus Henderson and Lena Handzo. My team. And again—”
You can feel the tears in your eyes, a burn and sting that echoes in your throat, so bitter a taste that it spreads through your mouth as your throat thickens and tightens, seizes with a sob you can’t let out. Even through your blurring vision, you can see that he’s not looking at you and so you rise from the table, feeling just a bit unsteady, feet burning in the heels you bought, torso feeling squeezed by the dress’s tight bodice. The dress you bought for him, for tonight.
It’s a familiar pain, one that you know. The feeling of inadequacy, the one you have every time you’ve been forgotten, like you are not enough. Never enough for anyone. That’s how it’s been your entire life, but you thought Jack was different. You thought he saw you, but apparently he didn’t.
You didn’t even warrant a single line in his thank you address, not even thank you to my fiancée. Not even thank you to Y/N. You didn’t even warrant a single fucking mention. And that hurts. It hurts because of the mention of Regina and Robby, the way he twined the two and left you out. It’s like the four years you’ve been his have never mattered at all. What were you? Just some warm body in his bed?
Some Barbie doll replacement for the wife he lost? Were you just something he thought he should have?
Did he ever see you at all?
You don’t want to know, you realize, as you leave the hall, flagging down a taxi, your hands gripping your clutch so tightly that your knuckles feel stiff, fake, wooden. False. Your nails are bending from the way they’re digging into the fabric and the clasp, but you don’t care. Pain is good.
Pain is a distraction from the image in your head as you climb into the taxi, whispering your address, the vehicle screeching away from the curb, tire tracks no doubt left behind on the damp asphalt road. Pain distracts you from the image of Jack, finishing his speech and walking back to the table, sitting down, unaware of your empty spot at all.
Almost like you were never there at all.
You’ve forgotten how many material things you seem to acquire over a life, things you can’t let go of even when they’re stupid, silly, materialistic. Like the mug Parker got you back when you were in med school, the one with a picture of a pipe and the Freud quote Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe. They always did like to tease you about your profession.
Or the wooden car you picked up at a flea market when you were abroad, the one carved and painted by hand to look like a Corvette, your favourite type of car. Or, even, the stuffed snake Parker got you when you held one for the first time even though it scared you.
Stupid things really, but all pieces of a life. But everything Jack is staying here, like the hoodie he brought you one day when you came in for a consult, the one he gave because he noticed you were cold the last time you were down. Or the Lego bouquet of flowers that the two of you spent a rainy afternoon assembling together.
Those are pieces of the life you’re leaving. You wish you could say that you were just overreacting to a one-time event of being forgotten, but you’re not. Because this wasn’t the only time.
You knew when you fell in love that he had already been in love and you do not begrudge him that or hate that or her. You hate that he has expected you to be her. When you get home late and he asks why you weren’t already home and you explain for the millionth time that you have work, patients, your residency and he makes some off-hand comment about Regina always being home.
You hate the comparison that’s always drawn between you and her, her and you, but it’s so automatic, that’s the worst part. You don’t even think he’s noticing it, as if he’s just hard-wired to compare everyone to her. And you keep coming up short.
“What are you doing?” you hear Jack say from behind you, his voice confused, but not broken. It’s like he’s just curious and doesn’t even wonder why you left the ceremony. He just wonders why you’re packing your bags, the suitcases your parents gave you when you graduated high school.
“I’m leaving,” you tell him, your voice thick and pained and broken. You can hear him stepping into the room, pulling open the closet door, the wood squeaking just a little along the metal tracks.
“Where? Did you get called away for something?” he asks, his voice seeming distracted, the sound of him undressing, shirt unbuttoning and being pulled from his body enough to make you turn around, the ever present tears burning away, evaporating as you look at him with anger.
“I’m leaving you,” you tell him and that’s enough to have him pause, muscles frozen mid-flex, the shirt half-off, half-on. You can tell by the slight shift in his head, the slight cant to the right that he sees your missing clothes, missing shoes and everything else.
“Why?” The question sounds broken now, his voice cracking into that huskier register he has, the one you know from when he wakes you at night with screams caught in his throat, mind on rains of bullets and cold, limp hands, beeping medical monitors and all his other demons.
“In your entire speech,” you say, your voice flat, broken no longer breaking, “you never once thanked me. Not that I need it, but you thanked Shen and Parker and Lena and Dana and Robby and Regina, but I never warranted a mention aside from everyone at PTMC.”
“You knew my wife was important to me,” he says, turning around, his face set like stone as you shake your head, the exhale sounding more like a whispered cry as you haul your first suitcase off the bed.
“That’s not the problem, Jack,” you tell him, pulling the second one, the last one, the others in your car already except for these two. “The problem is the fact that you spent time waxing poetic about Robby and the ED, but I, your fiancée didn’t get a single line. I didn’t get anything and that hurts.”
“Then let’s work through this,” he says, stepping towards you, shedding his shirt in one fluid motion and reaching for your hands in another, “instead of just leaving.”
“You didn’t mention a fiancée, Jack,” you whisper, wrenching your hands from his and pushing him away with both hands flat on his chest, “so you don’t have one.” The back of your throat is stinging with tears, thick and pained and your skin is drawn is too tight.
“No,” he says, his hands taking yours from where they’ve been resting on his chest, left ring finger bare except for a faint line from where the ring had been. “No, you’re not leaving.”
“Yeah, I am,” you say, but he shakes his head, jaw tense as he pulls on your hands, tugging you towards him, his head canting, lips pressing against yours in a kiss that burns, a kiss that tastes like fire and pain and ash. Like everything broken.
“I don’t want you to go,” he whispers against your lips, the vibrations of his words echoing through you, down your spine, shivers in its wake. His hands tighten on your wrists, not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough that you can feel it, feel him.
“You don’t really want me to stay either,” you reply, pulling back and taking in the way his eyes are heavy-lidden and pupil-blown, lips swollen from the kiss, from the way it was each side taking, a sheen of saliva lingering on his bottom one.
“I do,” he whispers, stepping towards you, pushing you back until you fall back onto the bed, the springs bouncing underneath you as he stands over you, his hands still holding your wrists, “let me show you how much.”
He lifts your hands to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss against each one, that look in his eyes that you know well shining through, the one that says he wants you, the one that looks for all the world, like he’s hungry. Like he’s the predator and you’re the prey.
“What are you gonna do to change my mind?” you whisper, that feeling of burning inside of your skin taking over because even though you feel invisible, you cannot deny that sex with Jack Abbot is perfect. Kind and gentle and rough and explosive in equal measures.
“You know what,” he whispers, letting go of your hands and smiling that roguish smile he has at you, the one that promises fun and good times for a little while. Until reality decides it’s time to come back, but you don’t care now.
You want the good times, the fun. You can handle reality’s crash-landing after. Because you’d rather not feel right now.
He looks at you, right now, with desire and want and love, but the burning in your body is only lust and hate. Because a part of you does hate him for the you that you are becoming. He reaches for your hands, drawing you up from the bed again, hands drifting to the hem of your shirt as he presses his lips against you, hands sliding underneath the t-shirt and up your stomach, fingers trailing across, inching towards your breasts while his lips move against yours.
It’s an open-mouthed kiss, desirous and destructive and the way his tongue slides against yours, the feelings it elicits, should be illegal. His hands are cool against your fevered skin, your one hand on his back, fingers digging in, the other twining in your hair, the two of you moving, shifting your back slammed against the bedroom wall.
“I hate you,” you whisper as he pulls back from your lips, a kiss-drunk expression on his face as he trails his lips over your jaw, the hot press of his mouth causing the ache in your stomach to grow.
“No, you don’t,” he whispers against you, his hips grinding against yours, hands roaming over the expanse of your lace-clad dress. When you got home, climbing out of the taxi with tear-stained cheeks, you stripped out of the dress, pulling on boxers and an old t-shirt, perfect for leaving and crying on a warm summer’s night.
“I do,” you whisper, your breath hitching as he sucks on the sensitive skin of your neck, the spot just below your ear, your back arching, pressing you deeper against him, wetness pooling between your legs as his hips continue to move against you. “But I also love you.”
You’re rewarded for that admission by a pinch of both your nipples, the ones covered only by the thinnest expanse of lace.
“Good girl,” he whispers, pulling back from you, hands sliding back down the expanse of your stomach, fire burning in your skin with every trail of his fingers on your skin. “I don’t like it when you lie.” You hate the way your body reacts to his good girl, the way he says it in that raspy voice, his hands now at your t-shirt hem, pulling it up in slow drags along your body. “Arms up, baby girl.”
You hate how you listen, lifting your arms as he lifts the shirt up and over your head, along your arms, tossing it aside, his hands on your waist, hot and firm and possessive. His pupils expand even more when he takes in your body, in your breasts, a sight that every time seems to short circuit him.
That’s the worst part of this losing because he likes you, he just can’t love you. He sees your body not your soul and you can’t stay with someone who is only a spark and not a fire. A bonfire over a blaze. In truth, you want water over fire, something essential and lasting and life sustaining.
His mouth is hot on your chest, the touch bringing you back here and now, the way he trails his mouth across the lace, pressing kisses along it as your breath hitches, breathing changes and a throbbing begins to take place with vigor between your legs. His hands trail up from your waist to your bra, unhooking the strapless number, the material falling away in the space between one breath and the next, his mouth instead on your bare skin, goosebumps erupting at his touch.
“God, sweet girl,” he murmurs against your breasts, eyes flicking up to you, dark and pupil blown, “the things you do to me.” One hand is steady on your waist, but the other dips below the waistband of your boxers (his boxers, actually, ones he gave you, but they were too comfortable not to keep in the leaving) finding your folds, stroking them, taking in the feeling of your pussy, your arousal.
“Fuck,” you breathe as he dips one finger between them, the tip of it touching your entrance, pressing against it but never entering, rather teasing you with the pressure and the presence.
“Do you like that?” he whispers, thumb straying to your clit, circling it and pressing on it at the same time.
“I hate you,” you hiss at the same time that he pushes a singular finger into you, the stretching feeling not too much, but he curls his finger inside, dragging it along your walls before pulling back out and pushing back in, the sound of skin in slickness dulled by the layer of cloth still covering you.
“Really, sweet girl?” he asks you, his lips back on your neck. “Because it doesn’t feel like you do.” He plunges two fingers into you, his other hand rising from your waist, trailing along the side of your body, your ribcage, his fingers drumming a rhythm on your skin as he inches towards your breasts.
He flicks your nipple as he plunges a third finger inside of you, curling and drawing out, curling and drawing out, curling and drawing out, the coil in your stomach drawing tight, tight, tight as his thumb circles your clit in lazy gestures.
It’s when he puts four fingers inside of you, curling one and pulling out, followed by another and another, the last one dragging lazily down and out of you that you can feel your orgasm coming, can feel it when he slips his index finger back in, applying pressure to your clit, just enough to have you shattering around him, his smile growing as he waits out your aftershocks before withdrawing his fingers and popping them into his mouth, the mouth that was previously on your neck, the one that has left hickeys on your skin for sure, the mouth curving into a smirk as he releases his fingers with a pop.
“Don’t think you hate me, sweetheart,” he whispers, hands bracketing you on the wall as he leans forwards, aiming to give you a kiss, but you turn your head, removing your hands from where the nails have dug into his back, the back of his neck, planting them on his chest and pushing him back and away until he falls onto the bed.
“I do,” you whisper, kneeling before him, watching as his Adam’s apple bobs, your hands going to the waistband of his pants where a noticeable bulge sits. “I just like fucking you more.” You help him out of his pants and boxers, his lower half free, cock up, hard, a vein on the underside prominent as your hands find his prosthetic, releasing it and pulling it off, setting it aside.
“Sweet girl,” he whispers, watching as you stand, stepping out of the boxers, letting them fall to the floor, now as naked as him. You step over, lining yourself up with the head of his cock, teasing him as you move back and forth, his hands flying to your hips, gripping them tight. He makes a small noise, one from the back of his throat as you move back and forth, back and forth, teasing him. “Stop teasing me.”
“Why?” you ask him, your voice breathy as you stop, just hovering over him. “How badly do you want it?”
“Badly,” he growls, pushing down on your hips, pushing you down on his cock. You give a surprised cry as he pushes you down, down, down until you’re sitting on him and he seems to be everywhere, stimulating every inch. “You started this game,” he whispers, leaning forwards, his lips inches from your own, “now finish it, sweet girl. Ride me.”
And you do, pushing up, swirling around the tip before sinking back down. He lets out a noise, another one from deep in his gut, a dark, deep sound that echoes through the room as you build a steady rhythm, up, swirl, down, over and over.
“That’s it,” he praises. “Good girl.” You hate how much his words effect you but it is what it is and you like how he is as you ride him, the noises he makes, the praise he gives, the way he kisses your neck and your breasts and your lips. The way his eyes darken even more when he takes in the sight of you bouncing on him, using him like his good girl.
It’s not long before your release is close, your legs shaking from the pose, from the feelings. You know that Jack is close too, can tell by the way he groans, his head falling forwards into your chest. “Keep going,” he urges, his hands on your hips, helping you up and down, but then you’re orgasming, your walls clenching once hard around him, enough to pull his own from him too, his cock twitching inside of you as your walls flutter with the aftershocks of your release.
“I finished the game,” you whisper, your voice tired but teasing as he leans forwards, pressing a soft kiss against your lips, helping you up and off of him.
“That you did,” he replies, watching as you walk around, legs shaking as you fall beside him in the bed. Already you can feel reality crashing into you, but you’ll let Jack think he’s won. That you’re staying, but you can’t.
You wait until he falls asleep, his breathing heavy and even and then you climb from the bed, dressing quietly, taking the last two suitcases and slipping from the bedroom, from the house, out to your car.
You dump your suitcases into the trunk, climbing into the driver’s seat, your phone waiting for you, a text from Parker glowing on the screen.
Parker: Your room’s waiting, bestie
Parker: Come home.
“Jesus!” you whine at the bright white light shining through your curtains. Your suspiciously drawn-back curtains. “PARKER!”
“Get out of bed,” they say, arms crossed and lips pursed as they look at you. You know what they see. Someone who hasn’t gotten out of bed all weekend, who changed their number just to avoid seeing messages from their ex. Someone who is falling apart because they weren’t enough.
“I don’t wanna,” you whine, pulling your comforter over your head, but they’re there already, pulling it back off.
“We’re going to the farmer’s market,” they tell you. “And if I have to drag you kicking and screaming from this bed into a shower and into clothes, I will. Do not doubt me. I have dealt with worse.”
“Why can’t you let me mourn in peace?” you grumble, pushing yourself up to sitting as they sit down on the edge of the bed, holding out one hand to you which you take, their palm calloused against yours.
“Because you’re not mourning,” they say, “you’re self-deprecating, okay? You may not have been enough for that fucker Jack Abbot, but you are more than enough for me, okay? You’re my best friend and I don’t hang around with losers.”
“You hang out with Shen,” you point out, your eyebrows rising and they roll their eyes, standing up from the edge of the bed, pulling you along with them. Your feet land on the cold hardwood floor, the rough unsanded finish scraping against the soles of your feet.
“He’s not that bad,” they tell you and you shrug.
“Just saying.” They roll their eyes at you, their hands going to your shoulders as they peer at you, their gaze unrelenting, warm, steady and familiar.
“You. Are. My. Best friend. And, you know what? That is not nothing, that is everything, okay? You are more than enough for me so let me be enough for you right now, okay?”
“Okay.”
“There’s an ED consult,” Nurse Gia says, knocking on your office door, you look up from your computer, from the file open.
“You know I’m not taking those,” you tell her and she sighs, scuffing one sneaker on the carpeted floor. Only Psychiatry has carpet floor and you will never understand why. Blood flows out of everyone, this floor is no exception to that rule. “Pass it onto Caleb.”
“You know,” she says, thick black eyebrows arched as she takes a step backwards, out of your office, “you tell your patients to confront their demons, yet…have you?” She wiggles her brows and you shake your head at her.
“Go nurse the patients!” you tell her, but your voice is teasing and she laughs as she closes your door, the consult onto Caleb while you sit at your desk, feeling the familiar, ever-present thickness in the back of your throat.
You have felt hollow, relentlessly, endlessly hollow since you left Jack, since you left him when he was sleeping, the rings left on the dresser, right on top with the note, the one where you told him sorry. The one where you told him that you felt like you were never enough for him because you were not Regina. You were not a stay-at-home wife. You were a career woman, building her life, her name in psychiatry and you felt like that was not right for him. The one where you told him that you needed to feel seen, something you had never felt before.
The one where you told him that you wanted to feel enough for someone and you weren’t for him.
You feel hollow though, that loss of him even knowing that it was right, that now you can heal.
You just wish it didn’t have to hurt so bad.
You see a glimpse of Jack’s back in the parking lot and you duck down, breathing fast as you crouch behind your car, heart rate elevated, ears ringing from the increase in your blood pressure. Just the sight of him is enough to hurt you.
You wish it didn’t, but it does and as your breathing continues to stay fast, heart rate elevated, you realize that you’re crying, tears slipping down your cheeks, silent tears, silent cries.
“Oh, babes,” you hear Parker and you look up at them, noticing the hand they hold out to you, one which you take. “Go home.”
“I was—going to,” you hiccup and they draw you against them in a tight hug, tears falling on their black scrubs.
“You saw him, right?” they ask and you nod against them, their arms tightening in response. “Well, fuck him, okay? Not actually,” they say, drawing back, holding you at arm’s length, your tears having dried and stopped now. Breathing even.
“I’m good,” you tell them and they nod.
“You’re better than good,” they say and you can feel a smile growing on your face, cutting through your sadness as you say, “hell yeah, I’m badass.”
“Kicking ass and taking names, right?” they ask, holding out a pinky for you and you respond, linking your pinky with theirs, the two folding down.
“Right,” you tell them, “kicking ass and taking names.”
“You up for Backrooms?” you call out to Parker and they step out of their room, dressed in a Black Sabbath concert shirt the two of you found when thrifting and plaid pj pants—a matching outfit to yours.
“Does it look like it?” they ask, striking a dramatic pose, one hand waving down their body.
“Hell yeah!” you reply, holding a hand out which they slap, the sound of skin on skin echoing through the house, a stinging, burning feeling in your hand. “That was at least an eight of ten,” you say.
“I would go a solid nine on the high-five scale.”
What can you say about this year without Jack?
Well, it was long and hard and painful, but you’re here, you’re present. You hear his name and see his back and you don’t cry anymore.
And yesterday…yesterday you noticed the sunrise.
It’s hard, but it’s not worthless.
You hate award ceremonies, you truly do and you would not be here if you had not been nominated for the same award that ended with your heart in tatters one year ago today. But this time, you’re not wearing a dress, rather a dark emerald green suit, Parker as your guest in a matching suit, navy to your emerald green.
“And now,” the announcer says, as the applause for the last award dies down, “our second last award of this evening, PTMC Doctor of the Year. This year the award goes to a doctor who is strong and smart and willful. She is known for her recent publication on the systemic prejudice in the healthcare sector against those with schizophrenia. Please give a warm round of applause for Dr. Y/N L/N!”
You rise from your seat, a little light-headed as you smile, waving at people, walking up the stage to the sound of applause, your acceptance speech tucked into your suit jacket pocket. You shake hands with the announcer, their palm sweaty against yours; you accept the plaque and then you stand at the podium, pulling your speech from the inside pocket and laying it flat on the wooden surface of the lectern.
“Thank you, everyone. It means so much to be recognized tonight for my achievements in a room full of my peers who are just as accomplished, if not more, so thank you for this honor. I truly did not expect to win so my speech is a little bare bones, I apologize. I want to thank everyone at PTMC, doctors, nurses, social workers, all the staff. I want to thank my colleague, Dr. Caleb Jeffereson in particular for balancing a floor with me, which I do not believe is easy. And I want to thank my best friend, Dr. Parker Ellis, who refused to let me fly solo to this and insisted I needed to use that plus one ticket. Thank you, bestie, for never letting me fly solo. Um…yeah, thank you, everyone!” You wave again, taking your award and stepping off stage, feeling the burn of eyes upon you, eyes the colour of sunlit fall bare branches.
“Now,” the announcer says, their voice echoing behind you as you sink back into your seat at the table, double high-fiving Parker once you’ve set the award on the table, “the final award of the evening. The award of Most Integral PTMC staff member. This award goes to a very familiar face, known for winning Doctor of the Year just last year. Let’s give a round of applause for Dr. Jack Abbot everyone!”
You can feel the blood drain from your face, throat tightening at the sound of his name, but you are better, you are better. Seeing him will not hurt you like before. Or, at least, that’s what you tell yourself.
You watch him with blurry vision, tears just lining your eyes, just a hint if you look down, enough to make his form blurry until he steps out onto the stage and you blink your eyes, blinking away the last of the pain, the last bit of tears, two slipping down your cheeks, framing from each eye. Your tears the frame for the portrait of your pain.
“Hello, everyone,” you hear him say and god, his voice is just like you remembered it. Deep and dark, but light in a way too, the sound singing in the marrow of your bones, that masochistic part of yourself that doesn’t mind being invisible.
Honestly though, they say psychiatrists become psychiatrists because they’re broken inside and trying to fix themselves and yeah that fits you. You so badly want to fix yourself and you had thought you had plastered up all your cracks, but the sound of his voice is enough to have them breaking all over again.
“Last speech I gave, I messed up. I forgot someone who meant everything to me and it was the last straw for her and she…well, she left. And I can’t blame her. I did at first when I woke up alone, but in her absence, I realized that I messed up because she felt like she was never enough for me because I forgot to tell her something.
“I forgot to tell her that she is ever enough, more than enough, perfectly enough and better than enough. I lost her because I forgot to tell her that, I forgot to tell her that I saw her, every inch of her, that I still do. That I still wait for her and always will because no one has fit me like her,” you lift your gaze from where you’ve had it trained on the tablecloth to meet his eyes, those sun dappled branches in brisk autumn light. It’s steady and warm and clear and you know. Oh, you know, he’s telling the truth.
“I forgot and I will regret it every day of my life but this award is only because of her. So, every thank you I have goes to her and only her. Always and forever. Thank you.” He steps back, confused applause sounding as he steps back, eyes never once leaving you.
And as you leave that night, walking with Parker, away from the man who left your heart in tatters but who is also repairing those same cracks, you feel more confused than ever.
“Jack Abbot!” you hiss, marching across the ED floor towards where he stands at the nurse’s station, his cocky grin set on his face as he watches you march towards him, heeled boots clicking on the tiled floor. You love psychiatry because you don’t have to wear scrubs, rather whatever you want, shoes always announcing your presence.
“What’s up, sweet girl?” he asks and you grab his arm when you reach him, electricity sparking across your skin at the contact. You pull him off to the side, into a small nook, jabbing a finger into his chest.
“I hate you,” you tell him, but your words lack the conviction, rather sound like a wish. His words of ever enough, more than enough, perfectly enough and better than enough having rung through your head all night.
“No,” he whispers, stepping closer, the cocky smirk fading away to a pensive, mournful expression as he reaches one hand beneath his scrubs, fingers hooking on a chain, “you don’t.” He pulls the chain from underneath his scrubs, revealing the ring you left behind, the simple, classic one with the diamond set in the solid gold band.
“You’ve been wearing that all year?” you ask him, your voice squeaking a little as he lets the ring hang there, his hands finding yours, fingers interlacing.
“Yeah,” he says, “because I’ve been waiting.”
“For me?” you clarify and he nods, a soft smile breaking across his face as he steps closer to you, his forehead pressing against yours.
“Always for you,” he whispers, “because you are ever enough, more than enough, perfectly enough and better than enough. Now, can we try again?”
“Yeah,” you whisper, looking into those eyes that you love, eyes that look at you like they see you. “I think so.”
“…I vow,” he says, “to always remind you that you are ever enough, more than enough, perfectly enough and better than enough every day. I vow to never make you feel unseen. I vow to listen when you speak because you’re everything. Because you understand me. I vow to you the rest of my life.” You can’t fight the tears that slip down your cheeks as you smile, laughing just slightly, a watery laugh that makes him smile at you, tear tracks on his own face from when he watched you walk down the aisle in your dress.
“Then,” Robby says, his voice thick and happy, “if there are no objections, I now pronounce you woman and husband.” You can’t help but laugh at Robby’s word choice, stolen from Enola Holmes 3, the movie you made him and Jack watch when it came out. “You may now kiss the husband.”
And you do, stepping forwards and placing your hands on his stubble covered cheeks, drawing him down into a kiss.
And this kiss doesn’t taste like fire or ash or burning. It tastes like love and light and second chances. The kind that work.
“God, I love you, sweet girl,” he whispers when you pull back and you smile at him, a happy one.
“Ditto, Jack.” And in this moment, with the way he’s looking at you, you know that he’s been speaking true.
sleazy baby daddy Boyd who comes round your crib in a white beater and his backwards cap, unlocking the door like he owns the place (he has a key).
you guys are separated but he still grabs your ass from behind while taking his babygirl. “boyd make sure you-ooh! stop that!” “what? don’t act like it’s not the reason we got here in the first place. love this fat ass.” you’d only been together a few months to a year when he knocked you up, and when he said he didn’t want shit to do with that, you bailed on him. moved out, ignored his calls, ignored his scrub ass homeboys who would call your job asking for you.
but over time, he let the realization simmer in the back of his head. he has a kid. with a really cute fuckin girl, one he still loves. so he found you..somehow. you didn’t think too hard on it. and you didn’t let him back in your life so easily, not when he’d shown how he’d bounce if times got tough. but when it came time he went to your appointments, you were already far along enough to show. he has to be there for you, for his little girl.
he curls up on the fooor of your baby girls room, smiling as he crawls all over him and throws his glasses. u can’t help but love it. he takes care of you, for the most part. doesn’t let you go without a meal, rent, anything you need. even if you aren’t together now, he still steps up. not letting you stay cooped up in your house, making sure your nails (toes too when he can) are done. reminding you to take it easy.
and…when you need it, he takes care of you in other ways, from time to time. it’s not like you’re seeing anyone else, not with a toddler on your shoulder. and it’s your right to ask him for something, he’s your baby daddy. why not ask the man who gave it to you so good in the first place?
he always knows what u want before you even ask, can see the way you look at him when he comes through the door, arms out and jorts so low you can see his happy trail. biting your lip at his stupid mustache, and his stupid hairy stomach, and his stupid hot arms. eyeing him up as he rocks the baby to sleep, talking low to you about work.
when he puts his girl down for a nap, shutting the door quietly he’s nudging you into your bedroom. “cmon, get on the bed. know what you want.” he closes the door soft behind him, already unbuttoning his pants as he watches you crawl on the mattress. you’re bare under your big shirt, it’s your house, you’re feeding, doing nothing with your baby all day. no real need for panties.
he’s got you on your back, legs hiked up over his shoulders as he plows into you, smirking along to your slew of moans. “fuckin love this pussy, this’s my pussy. all mine, yeah? not lettin anyone in this shit?” “never, never boyd promise,,” you’re so smitten by his cock you can’t help but submit to him, especially when he talks so low in your ear with that voice you like.
and he’s so fuckin possessive too. he has to be, you might not be his lady, but you’re the mother of his child. he’ll be damned if he lets you out his sight. “you better not have. better not let any dirty fucks round my daughter either, alright? i’ll fuckin’ kill em, you understand? say you understand momma.” he’s slapping at your ass, you’re so out of it that it inflicts a moan. “i-i understand, i understand i promise daddy ohmygod!” he ssooooo annoying oh my god
“yeah, they couldn’t fuck you like this anyway. careful, or i’ll give you another one.” one day Boyd won’t be so Sleazy.
Pope Cody loves to be cockwarmed. Loves to just be inside you. Will rub your clit for hours until you’re entirely fucked out and come from feeling you milking him
the things i’d let pope cody do to me are deplorable…anywayyyy loved this request sorry for short blurb.
Pope can sit for hours and when I say hours I mean hours with you wrapped around his cock. It’s his favorite thing, the intimacy of it somehow better than actual sex some nights, he just loves how close he feels to you. Sitting with him buried to the base inside you and that’s it, your slick pooling at his pelvis and your velvety warm walls hugging his dick.
His back is pressed against his pillows at the head of his bed, you in his lap, thighs straddling him. Both of you bare as can be as you cock warm him. You’ve begun to lose track of time on how long you’ve been in this position. Your brain is hazy and dumb.
He hasn't thrusted up into you at all, not even once but you think you’ve cum about twice just from the feeling of being so full of him coupled with Andrew mindlessly rubbing circles on your clit like it’s his favorite fidget toy. “S’ good for me my love” he coos as he leans forward to kiss at your shoulders. The angle only presses his cock further towards your g-spot making you shiver and whine, your pussy clenching down on him. He hisses softly, your cunt has been trying harder and harder to milk his release out of him and it’s working.
“If she keeps squeezin’ me like that bunny m’ gonna cum” he murmurs against your skin, sliding his free hand not playing with your bundle of nerves up to grab the back of your neck and press his mouth to yours. The kiss is slow yet full of tongue and little cries that slip from your mouth the closer you get to your third orgasm. “Please Andy, cum f’ me?” you ask oh so sweetly that Pope thinks his heart is gonna combust. “Cum inside me, wanna be even more full” you whine and grind your hips down a little, your pussy tightening somehow even further around his aching cock. He can’t help the little pinched gasp that leaves his lips as he pulls away from the kiss, his own hips bucking up at the first sign of movement. “She’s already milking it outta me baby” he groans, speeding up his thumb on your clit. Your next orgasm hits you head on, crashing over you leaving you a panting shaking mess by this point as you cum again around Andrews dick. “That’s it bunny” he coos which quickly morphs into a moan as his own orgasm hits him, your cunt squeezing every last drop of cum from him.
Pope finally pulls his thumb away and you collapse against his chest, wrapping your limp arms around him. “S’ full” you murmur and all he can do is smile softly and kiss your head before the two of you are lulled to sleep by the steady sounds of each other's breaths, Pope’s softening cock still inside you.
Making out with Andrew in the kitchen while the kids get ready for bed and you’re so needy and he’s so hard but then your kids ask for you from upstairs and you chuckle, having to break away from your heavy kiss. You have to go help the kids but you say to Andrew. “Once I’m done, I want your cock inside me, n’ I want you to fuck me till all I know is your name. Can you do that for me?” While kissing and nipping at his jaw and all he can do is whimper pathetically and nod before you leave to go see what your kids need.
hellooo, first of all I wanted to say congrats for your 3k (almost 3.5k :p) you really deserve it I think you’re an amazing writer <333 and I wanted to request for the perfect match event sammy bryant x reader with the n° 59 in the 75 smut prompts list, I was thinking about something fluffy (and smutty ofc) with reader and sammy who have being dating for a bit after his divorce and yeah it’s just his raging breeding kink speaking gotta love baby trapper sammy but that’s just an idea wtv inspires you really (:
— not gonna lie…i forgot about the fluffy part + idk how i feel about this but i hope you enjoy!
You and Sammy have been fucking like bunnies ever since getting together. He hadn’t been getting much from Tammi before their divorce besides the attempts at making Nate. Now that he’s a free man and has you, he’s a bit insatiable. So when you’re in the midst of a heavy make out session (probably about your 5th this week) and he reaches over to his nightstand drawer to find the box of condoms he bought a week and a half ago empty. Neither of you are all that surprised.
“Fuck honey, we’re out” he mumbles against your mouth, not wanting to pull away and put an end to this. He has you laid out under him on his bed, half your clothes already discarded to the floor, him still fairly dressed so you suggest — “Could go out and get more?” but when Sammy presses his hips forward and practically grinds his bulge against your pussy through your panties you get his point. “Too worked up to go, ‘n don’t wanna stop kissing you sweet girl” he groans, hands returning to your hips, thumbs sliding under the waist band of your panties to rub back and forth.
"I promise I'll pull out." he grumbles out, his hips now desperately rutting his cock up against the wet patch forming between your thighs. “Mmm fuck…okay” you whine out, caving a little faster than you expected too. “Yes?, oh thank you baby” he smiles softly, kissing you with more fever as you hear the clink of his belt. “Thank you thank you” he blabbles out as he licks into your mouth, hands frantically trying to tug his cock free. Your own hands works at stripping your panties off your legs before they rake through his auburn curls, “We’ll just buy more tomorrow morning” you state, Sammy tries to ignore the ache in his chest knowing after getting to feel you bare this time the next his cock will be back to being trapped in latex. “Okay honey, yeah yeah we’ll get more” if sammy conveniently forgets to buy more who’s to say.
Finally getting his pants and boxers pushed down enough to release his throbbing cock, he’s quick to grab your body again and push all the way inside not wanting to waste a moment. “Shit- feels s’ good honey” he moans out in a pathetic high pitched tone. Pulling his hips back, they snap forward harshly and setting a frantic eager pace. The feeling of your walls squeezing his cock far more intense without that thin layer between your sexes. “Samm! Baby slow down” you cry out, grabbing onto his bicep for stability as his brutal thrusts rock your body.
“Can’t- fuck you feel s’ damn good raw baby” he whines, his eyes screwing shut as his orgasm hits him dead on. You gasp out as you feel him spill ropes and ropes of cum inside you. “Said you’d pull out” you pant breathlessly, the only upside to him finishing pathetically quick was his hips slow down.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself." “Felt too good” he mumbles out a bit ashamed, his thrusts haven't stopped. Subconsciously he hopes he’s fucking his seed deeper and deeper inside you as he bucks his hips.. “S’ okay baby, should we-” you were gonna ask if you should stop, even if you hadn’t cum at all. Sammy cuts you off however, thumb rubbing at your clit down as his hips speed back up "It won't make a difference now, just one more, yeah?" he huffs out but before you can answer he’s jack hammering into you and making your head spin. “Yeah sweet girl?”
i feel like sammy's favourite nickname for you would be “pup.” especially for sammy from season 4—that very cocky, overly arrogant officer sammy bryant.
he uses it in every situation possible—when he praises you, when he talks to you about his day, when he lectures you, and when he’s mad at you.
but his favorite?
when he’s fucking you senseless.
your face will be pressed against the pillows, while your butt will be high in the air. sammy will grip the fat of your thighs in his rough hands, pounding into your pussy with strong, mean thrusts that will leave your mouth gaping open, and your exhausted body begging for more, because no matter how many times sammy fucks you, you’ll never have enough.
and he'll torment you, enjoying your reaction, smirking and pulling you close just to put you in a headlock, taking away your ability to move "feels good pup? bet it does. your pretty little pussy is squeezing me so hard, i'm starting to think you want me to put little puppies inside you. what do you say, pup? do you want me to give you one? don't worry, i'll give you the whole litter."
sammy with his new attitude is a dangerous thing.
but you love that asshole , his big cock and his stupid little smile anyway.
reader trains her new boyfriend, pope cody, how to kiss!
mdni, 18+, intense make out session with pope cody, dry humping, based off season one and two pope cody!
your boyfriend, pope, is a bad kisser.
like, really bad.
his lips are all stiff, head tilts the wrong angle, and teeth clash into yours all clumsy. it's like he's forgotten basic anatomy, like he doesn't know where his nose is supposed to go without smashing it into yours. his hands hover awkwardly at his sides, fingers twitching, like he doesn't have anywhere else to put them.
the first few times you kissed were endearing, cute even. you told yourself it was nerves, that he just needed time.
and you get it. you really do. it’s been a while for him since he got out of jail, and this, him and you, is new.
but now, as he leans in again with all the confidence of someone about to absolutely miss the mark—
yeah. it’s time to train him.
that's how you end up splayed across his lap in his bed, bare thighs resting on either side of him, your mini skirt riding up, as you teach a grown man how to kiss. you place your palms flat against his chest, pushing him back gently, murmuring against his jaw to relax, to breathe, to let you take the lead.
and he does.
he listens to you like a lovesick puppy, eager to please.
your fingers drag through those soft auburn curls at the nape of his neck, tilting his head at just the right angle. his thumbs press into your bare thighs, drawing these shaky, absent circles into your skin, gripping tight enough to bruise, like he's terrified he'll lose control and just pounce on you if he doesn't hold onto something.
"just follow me, andrew. 'kay?"
"yeah." he swallows hard. "yeah, okay." his voice comes out rough, unsteady. his warm brown eyes are fixed on you, wide, intense. focused entirely on your mouth like he's trying to memorize whatever you're about to show him.
you lean in to give him a small peck first, soft, barely there then look at him. he looks back at you before he copies you, leaning back in, and this time his lips aren't so stiff.
progress.
then you part your lips carefully, slanting your mouth over his until they're molding together, until his warm breath seeps into yours.
you swipe your tongue slow along his bottom lip and he sighs, low, shaky, his fingers dig harder into your thighs.
"you like that?" you pull back just enough to ask, breathless.
he stares at you. eyes heavy-lidded, mouth slightly parted, breathing ragged. "yeah."
so you do it again. and again. slow and patient, until he catches the rhythm, until his jaw unclenches and he stops thinking so damn hard about it, until his mouth finally moves with yours instead of against it. his hands skate over your thighs higher, trembling, squeezing the soft of them harder.
"andrew, stick out your tongue for me." he does it. listens to you without a second thought, without an ounce of shame, just pure, raw trust. "yeah, just like that, such a good boy."
you watch his pupils blow wide at the praise, his cheeks flush all the way to the tips of his ears. cute.
you lean in again and lave your tongue over his, slow and hot. tasting him, him tasting you, and he lets out this broken, pleased groan that vibrates deep in his chest and against your body. his hands spasm on your thighs, trying to tug you closer.
you push him back immediately and he actually chases your mouth for a second before yoy press a finger over his lips. "uh-uh. slower, baby. follow my lead."
"sorry." he mumbles, a little shy.
then, when you give him the go ahead, he leans back in, kisses you exactly as you showed him, setting the pace real slow. he breathes through his nose while he does it, groaning all ragged and needy, as your tongues swirl together, like you've been edging him for hours instead of kissing him for minutes.
and then pulls back just a fraction, his eyes desperately searching your face for approval. "am i doing good?" his face is trying so hard to stay flat, face blank, but the dark flush blotching down his neck like a fever and wrecked voice gives him away completely.
"mhm," your pussy pulses at the sight of him so desperate, so utterly helpless beneath you.
your fingers scratch fondly at his scalp, nails dragging through the auburn strands and he whimpers. "doing really good, popey."
he gets all twitchy when you call him that and his hips jerk up as he starts rutting against you like a dog in heat. and, oh, you can feel him. the growing bulge through the rough denim, pressing right against the damp seam of your thin panties.
he's so huge that the thick, heavy outline of him drags deliciously between your folds through the clothes, catching right on your puffy clit, and a embaressingly loud moan slips out of you before you can stop it.
the sound flips a switch in him and he moves before you can blink.
his hands clamp down on your waist, and suddenly you're the one being flipped down into his mattress, the breath knocked clean out of your lungs. the sheer strength of him makes something warm and desperate pool low in your belly.
his heavy body settles on top of yours, all solid muscle and desperate heat. the new angle has him pressing right against your pussy, the rough seam of his jeans dragging over your soaked panties, and you both groan at the friction.
"ah—popey, wait—" but he just kisses you again, muffling your protests, arms wrapping tight around your torso.
the air gets thicker, heavier and you realize not only is your boyfriend a fast learner but he's terrifyingly observant too—those sharp, dark eyes of his catching every micro-expression, filing away exactly what makes you whimper, what makes your spine arch, what makes you grind up harder into him. you can feel him learning your body in real-time, using your own reactions against you.
you’re whimpering against his tongue now, making pathetic, wet sounds you didn’t know you could make, melting into the mattress and rolling your hips up, chasing the friction against your aching clit, completely at his mercy.
and the sounds only spur him on.
"'taste too good." he whines as he sinks his tongue deeper into your mouth. turning the kiss sloppy and wet as he laps at you, licking into the roof of your mouth like he's starving, swallowing every needy moan he pulls from your chest.
he sucks at your bottom lip until it throbs, biting down just hard enough to sting. you let out a high, reedy whine before he licks over the hurt, obsessive and soothing.
"mmnh—'s too much, popey—"
he can't hear you or either he does and just doesn't care. his hands just slide down, fingers hooking into the waistband of your panties, rolling them down slowly, too slowly, all the way to your ankles. and you hear the rustle of him unzipping his pants, the metal teeth parting loud in the quiet room before he presses his still clothed bulge against your bare pussy.
"oh."
so much for him being a bad kisser. huh?
but it's overwhelming, all too much, and you can hardly breathe. so you pull at his curls, hard, weakly pushing at his shoulders but he only groans low pleased at the feeling and presses you deeper into the mattress instead, one hand fisting in your hair to hold you exactly where he wants you.
he continues to tongue-fuck you stupid, devouring you until your eyes are rolling back and your lungs are burning, swallowing all your protests.
and his hips won't stay still either.
he's basically rutting against the slick folds of your pussy now, grinding down in these desperate, clumsy thrusts that bump against your clit every few seconds, making you jolt and whine each time. you can feel how wet you're making him, the fabric of his briefs damp where you're leaking through, and the filthy thought of it—of him wearing your slick, of marking him that way—makes you clench so hard your thighs shake.
only after what seems like hours, just when you're dizzy, about to black out from lack of oxygen, he finally pulls back. a thick string of spit connects your swollen, ruined mouths. he immediately leans in to lick it from the corner of your lips, greedy and hungry, panting heavily against your cheek.
"did– did i do good?" he asks all needy for praise, chin slick, those pretty brown eyes wide and utterly wrecked above you, his curls stuck to his sweaty forehead.
"mhm." is all you manage. a breathless sigh. your brain is mush, entirely fucked out from just the kiss.
he grins, a little too proud of himself. then he grinds into you. once.
andrew cody who inspects your pussy after having sex
He’s just so fascinated. He did this to you, he ruined you like this. Watching his cum ooze out of your abused cunt, he’s laser focused. Your sides all bruised w/ his handprints.
he was clinging onto you the entire time, groaning and whining about how good you felt. How tight, how perfect you squeezed his cock. His eyes glued to the space between you as he slammed in ‘n out.
he genuinely can’t believe you let him do this to you.
his fingers would spread your folds apart, looking at your fluttering hole in awe while you lay above him all sweaty ‘n disheveled.
its genuinely a fucking sight.
a/n i dont know what got into me somebody probably wrote this before but idk.
making out with jack and he has to keep reminding you to slow down…
MDNI 18+
based of this perfect ask from my sexy hot mootie 🫶🏽
Jacks got you perched on his lap on his couch, his big hands resting on your hips, slowly guiding them back and forth on his bulky thighs. Your arms are draped over his shoulders, tangling in the curls that rest at the nape of his neck.
You’ve been making out on his couch for about a half hour now, and it’s agonizing. You’re sure if you were to get up there’d be a wet splotch on his jeans from how wet you are.
But every time you try to speed things up he’s slowing you down again. Both of your chins slick with saliva, you move your lips quicker against his, pushing your head forward to get impossibly closer.
But he’s raising a big rough hand to your chin, pinching it between his fingers and manually slowing down your movements. You can feel the sleazy smirk he’s wearing as you whine and your hips buck up once more, his hand finally sliding off your face back down your body.
“Stop whinin’” he’s growling roughly from the time his voice has been idle it’s gone a little raspy, “got all the time we want, promise I’m gonna make you feel good, just wanna kiss on you a little” he’s whispering against your mouth before sloppily licking his own saliva off your chin and shoving it back into your mouth with his tongue.
Every time you speed up, even if you don’t notice it, he’s grabbing you and easing your jaw, pulling it down as he licks into your mouth, and slowly pushing it back up to connect with his own lips to yours, setting a speed, a rhythm. He’s nodding when you finally catch onto the speed he’s content with “theeree ya’ go” you can feel his teeth against your lips when he smiles and lets out a little “you’re learning now hm?”
And you’re just nodding and whimpering, hips grinding harder against his jeans.
when you're called to the site of a murder, you realize the two bodies are on opposite sides of the city line. being a new detective, your supervisor sees this as a perfect opportunity for you to get some mentorship from LAPD detectives. unfortunately, the case is not as open-and-shut as you thought, and over the course of the investigation, you find yourself falling for one of the detectives you're supposed to be learning from.
Series Warnings: extreme inaccuracies of how law enforcement works but let’s just pretend that it’s not because some of these things i was afraid to google, murder, violence, police stuff, slow burn, tammi exists, but they never got married, eventual smut , mutual pining, coworkers to lovers, instant attraction from both sides, but they dont do anything about it until later, sliiiight power imbalance (sammy is a DII and reader is a DI), reader with a backstory, original side characters, no description of reader, no use of y/n, reader uses she/her, switching POVs but mostly in reader’s POV. this takes place during season 2 of southland, but minimal cannon events are described. dividers by dividers-are-us
Chapter Word Count: 7.3k
Chapter Warnings: sex dreams (MDNI!!), cummin in pants lol, dirty kissing, dry humping, sammy is insecure and so so touch starved; sammy continues to be a foodie and explains his very specific taco preferences; richter appearance!!
A/N: things are starting to heat up!! i've decided that i'm going to combine everything into one last big chapter instead of 2 smaller parts, so chapter 4 will be the finale! thank you all so much for your kind words throughout this series! i cant believe its almost over.
“Fuck, Sammy,” The words were breathy and a little wobbly. Your hands were tangled in his hair, pulling his cheek close against yours. Sammy’s hands held a bruising grip on your hips, fucking you back and forth on his thick cock. You were a blabbering mess, rambling about how he was ‘so big’ and you’d ‘never felt this full before’.
“I know,” He cooed, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to the column of your throat. He had you partially bent over the desk, skirt flipped up and panties around your knees. His pants were haphazardly shoved down just enough to release himself and his shirt was unbuttoned. The plushness of his stomach slotted perfectly against the curve of your back with every movement and your ass recoiled with every desperate thrust of his hips. Your breaths came out in sharp gasps and he groaned into your shoulder. It was loud, carnal, and he didn’t give a shit if anyone heard because he finally had you begging for him. “Takin’ it so well, baby. Shit, you’re so wet.”
“All for you, Sammy, only for you.” You cried, nails digging into his scalp. Your words, your clear devotion to him, had him whimpering into your ear. His hips jackrabbited into yours, fucking you into your orgasm. You let out a high-pitched whine and-
The shriek of an alarm cut through Sammy’s body. He bolted upright, gasping hard. Sweat dripped down his neck and pooled at the dip in his back. A dream. Pain tore through his chest as the wisps of your voice, your visage, your smell, evaporated from his mind. His fist hit the alarm clock harder than necessary. He groaned and collapsed back onto his pillow, running a hand over his face. The dreams had gotten more frequent. He was lucky if he got through a night without seeing you. Not all of them were sexual; sometimes you would simply be driving in a car together or you’d be a bystander in the supermarket. He enjoyed any and all appearances of you in his dreams, but his favorite by far were the times you were under him. Or on top of him. Even inside him during one very confusing and somewhat enlightening night. It was getting to be a problem. He felt like a pervert, dreaming about how you tasted, just to be greeted with your bright, unassuming smile in the mornings. Every time you looked at him, his heart flipped in his chest and he felt a hard ball of yearning lodge in his throat. And yet, he saw your stolen glances. The way your eyes trailed up his thighs when he sat down and the way you looked at his fingers as he typed. So, maybe, his dreams were more than just horny desires. Maybe they were premonitions.
He was doing surveillance again today. At least he would have some downtime to run through his conflict. Sammy moved to push the covers off him, but he froze. A shiver of disgust rolled up his spine when he felt a sticky liquid running down his thigh. He threw back the duvet and, sure enough, the front of his boxers had a large wet blotch. His cum dripped down his thigh and onto the sheets.
“Are you fucking serious?” He hissed. He hadn’t had a wet dream since, Christ, high school? What the fuck was wrong with him? Sammy carefully slipped out of bed and tugged off the soiled clothing. But even after he showered, got coffee, and drove to the surveillance site, the sound of your moans clung to his brain like a parasitic fog he couldn’t get out of. He couldn't keep living like this.
Sammy swiped his thumb along the neck of the bottle. A drop of condensation rolled down to his knuckle. He had been on a stakeout for sixteen hours. Sixteen grueling hours of looking out binoculars and hunched over in a van. And while they had made a substantial breakthrough in the case, all he could think about during that time was you. Even when they had presented the case to the taskforce leader and she said they had enough to make an arrest, the only thing on his mind was how much he wanted to call you and celebrate. But he couldn’t do that. You were nice to him, sure, but you had to be. You were partners. Sure, you had swapped stories and anecdotes, but at the end of the day, it was a professional relationship. He didn’t want to be the one to misread the situation and overstep. He knew you were attracted to him, but he also knew that sometimes people just liked to look. If he ever brought it up, that would make it real. And he would rather die than make you uncomfortable in any way. So, he settled for the little shots of adrenaline that flooded his system whenever your fingers brushed and the thoughts he indulged only in the steamy haze of his shower.
Nate clapped him on the shoulder. The bar was filled with the task force celebrating the completion of their assignment. Sammy sat on a barstool by himself, letting the ambient boisterous conversations roll over him as he nursed his half-drunk beer. He jumped at the sensation.
“What’re you mopin’ about, man?” Nate mused, leaning on the bar and gesturing for another round. He was playing pool with his buddies. Sammy wasn’t bad at pool, but he sensed that he wasn’t exactly welcome among the group. Nate was his best friend, but the stakeout boys had a different relationship with him. Sammy would rather just sit on his couch and watch the game. With you sitting beside him. He huffed and shook the thought from his head.
“Nothin’.” Sammy mumbled, taking another swig of his beer and turning his eyes up to the TV screen in the corner. He licked a stray drop of liquid from his lip. Nate smothered a smirk by biting the inside of his cheek.
“Oh good. Thought you were thinking of her again.” He took the drinks from the bartender and ignored the way Sammy’s attention immediately snapped to him.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” He lied.
“Really? You’re playing that game?” Nate quirked a brow. “Dude, seriously.” Sammy shrugged and took another sip. “You need to ask her out.” He coughed into the beer.
“W-What? No. No.” He shook his head so hard his cheeks jiggled. “No, she’s…she’s not…”
“What? Not into you?” Nate tossed his head back and gave a small chuckle. “Yea, alright.” He shifted his weight and gave Sammy a leveling stare. He lowered his voice. “Sammy, brother, I love you. But you’re a fucking idiot.” Confusion knit Sammy’s brows together.
“Huh?”
“Give me one behavior of hers that makes you think she’s not interested.” Nate raised his eyebrows expectantly. His partner just blinked. A light pinkness splashed across his cheeks. Sammy swallowed and worked the muscle in his jaw.
“I mean,” Sammy tilted his head and shrugged a little. “Look at me. I’m not…I’m not exactly the stud of the department.”
“And she’s said that to you? She’s told you that she doesn’t find you attractive.?
“W-Well, no-”
“And if I recall, you were telling me about how she kept checking out your ass.” Sammy reddened further. He was taking a call the other day, slightly bent over the desk with his hip popped out. He looked at you to roll his eyes at the stupidity of the caller, but your eyes were zoned in on his legs. Your eyes flicked up and realized he caught you staring. Your eyes widened and you muttered something before scampering away. He had, quite drunkenly, raved about the instance to Nate that night, chest puffed out and eyes bright. He pursed his lips.
“I just…I don’t want to misread it.” Sammy mumbled, with a little too much vulnerability for a dingy cop bar. He turned away from Nate and his shoulders slumped. He had thought about how to ask you out for several weeks. He had it all planned out. He would give you your coffee, see the way you always beamed with joy when he remembered your order (as if he could ever forget; it was tattooed on the inside of his brain), and ask if you wanted to get coffee outside of work one day. When he couldn’t sleep after a long day, he’d run it over again in his head. You’d be a little surprised, he thought, but extraordinarily excited and accept on the spot. He’d take you to the good cafe, the one that you could only find if you knew about it. He’d buy you breakfast, learn more about who you were outside of work. Maybe you’d even let him talk to you about the books you’d been reading. He bought Love’s Savage Secret the day after you mentioned it to him. He’d been reading it on his days off. Was it a little creepy? Maybe. But he just really wanted to know more about you. And if your reading tastes were a window into your soul…yea…he wanted to talk about that. Did you only read spy thrillers? Were you able to predict the plot twist in the sixth chapter, like he had? He especially wanted to know if you liked those scenes. If you wanted to recreate them. If you wanted to have him cuff-
“Sammy.” Nate’s voice made his eyes refocus, blinking away his train of thought. “Did you hear me?” Nate rolled his eyes when Sammy shook his head. He leaned in conspiratorially. “I promised I wouldn’t tell you this, but I cannot let you be slouching alone at a bar forever.” He took a deep breath and Sammy straightened his posture at his words. “I have…insider information that, at the very least, she likes you enough that she’d accept a dinner invite.” Sammy’s eyes went wide.
“Really?” His voice was soft, unguarded, hopeful. Like a child who had just been told they’re going to get ice cream instead of going to tutoring after school. Nate playfully batted at Sammy's shoulder.
“Really. You’re a good man Sammy Bryant. Everyone else sees it. It’s time you start seeing it, too.” Nate grabbed the drinks and walked back to the pool table.
For the first time since meeting you, Sammy allowed himself to feel the hopeful determination that coursed through him. Okay. Yea. He’d do it. After you arrested the City Limits killer and it was no longer an HR nightmare, he would ask you out on a date. Romantically. His brow furrowed when Nate’s words truly clicked.
“Insider information…” He repeated under his breath. He spun around in his chair to find Nate lining up a pool shot. Oh…oh no. Sammy’s cheeks were on fire. It was one thing to talk about his crush during drives to scenes. But now someone else knew. And Sammy just prayed Nate didn’t actually talk to you.
“How can a man just disappear?” You hissed, angrily grabbing your drink from the food truck counter. You stomped over to one of the picnic tables. Sammy followed dutifully behind you, carrying two trays of tacos.
“It’s not uncommon.” He reasoned, placing your tray in front of you. “We’ll find him eventually.” You scowled as you bit into your taco. The delicious food dampened your rage, but flickers of annoyance still persisted. Rob had fled. Steve had immediately gone to bring him in after you viewed the tape but Rob’s grandma had quickly (and loudly) informed Steve that he was gone. They’d been looking for about a week to find him, with no results. You were terrified that your case was grinding to a halt. You were not going to let that happen.
“You’d think their priority would be finding a potential killer instead of meeting their parking ticket quota.” You rolled your eyes. Sammy just smiled.
“Welcome to the LAPD.” Sammy’s hands hovered over his tacos. He had little cups of toppings arranged perfectly in front of him. You watched him as he began artfully decorating his food.
“That’s impressive.” You said as you swirled your drink. Sammy nodded severely.
“I have my system.” He agreed.
“Explain it to me.” Your smile was genuine as you sat up straighter, leaning over the table and resting your chest on your arms. Uncertainty flashed across Sammy's face.
“Really?” He was hesitant. But you nodded again and he took a breath. “Okay. So these are the best tacos near the station. They’re fine by themselves, but if you dress ‘em up a bit…” He kissed his fingers. “Divine. You gotta get their pico. The spicy one. The mild doesn’t work as well. Then a little bit of guac…and, they don’t tell you this, but pouring the dipping sauce on top of everything brings it all together. Finally some lime…and viola!” He presented his work to you with a crooked smile. The one you knew meant he was genuine.
“Wow.” You gasped. “Those look amazing.” You took another bite of your own, slightly more boring, taco. “Next time you’ll have to help me build ‘em up.” His smile flicked slightly wider.
“Now’s the best part.” He lifted one of the tacos to his face, parting his lips and preparing to take a bite, but a heavy hand interrupted him. It squeezed his shoulder. Sammy startled slightly, eyes widening and mouth snapping shut. His eyes flicked from side to side nervously. He blinked at you before looking up. “Oh. Hi, Sal.” The supervisor stood over Sammy, fingers digging into his muscle. Sal wore a smile. The kind that told you he was displeased.
“So,” Sal bit out, teeth a little too bared. “How’s it going?” Sammy gave a tight smile and lowered his taco.
“Great?” He said, but it was more of a question than a statement.
“Great,” Sal nodded, but took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “You know, maybe sitting on your ass after losing our main suspect isn’t the best detective work.” You swallowed the bite you had taken. Sal’s nose scrunched up as he jostled Sammy lightly in a way that might have been considered playful in another circumstance. “Get back out there.” He leaned over and grabbed Sammy’s plate from in front of him. Sammy’s brow furrowed as he watched Sal dump the two uneaten tacos into the trash. Sammy swallowed a little noise of despair as his food disappeared into the can.
“Yes, sir.” He sighed. Sal nodded to you and walked away. Sammy took a deep breath. You pushed your tray across the table.
“It’s not a Sammy Special,” You shrugged. “But if we’re going to recanvas the entire neighborhood, you should eat. I’m not dealing with you when you’re hangry.” Sammy looked up at you with relief. And you had to smother the smile it caused. He accepted gratefully and crunched into it.
Three days later, Rob was found. His credit card pinged in a few towns over. The idiot got caught because he was too lazy to pay for his pizza with cash. His mistake landed him in the interrogation room, sitting across the table from Sammy as you watched from behind the fake mirror. You had your notepad out, scribbling down any notes. Sammy thought the interrogation might go better if it was just one person in the room with him. It would look less like an ambush and more like a conversation. Your job was to observe, watch Rob carefully to see which questions made him squirm in his seat and which ones made his eyes dart around the room. Sammy had started with the vague questions, where he had been for the past week, why he ended up getting caught, was he with anyone else. Rob answered all of them without thinking. But then, Sammy pressed a little harder. He started asking questions about the relationship between him and Thomas. And Rob shut down.
“I want a lawyer.” You audibly groaned at the words and Sammy sat back in his chair, letting out a sigh. He acquiesced and assured Rob that they’d put in his request. Sammy stood then, leaving the room. A few moments later the door to the observing side opened. You gave Sammy a sympathetic look.
“Sorry.” You knew how frustrating it was to have your suspect lawyer up. Stupid civil rights. Sammy just shrugged.
“It happens.” He murmured, standing closely to the one-way glass. His nose was inches away from the pane. “What did you get?” You flipped the page of your notebook to see what you had written.
“His eye twitched when you asked him why he left town.” You reported. “M’not sure what that means, but that was really the only change in demeanor he had.” Sammy pressed his lips together and hummed in acknowledgement, eyes never leaving the figure of Rob slumped in his chair. A few moments passed in silence. You heard yourself swallow.
“I came off too strong.” Sammy sighed, itching the hair at the nape of his neck. His hair was starting to grow out a bit and his curls were gaining more definition. You liked it. “I don’t know why. Usually I can get a few slip-ups out of them before they lawyer up.”
“You were really good.” You said, eyes cast down at your notepad. You didn’t want to see Sammy’s face. “You asked good questions. Got him to answer a few of them. Better than I could have. You’re…” You took a breath and looked at him. “You’re a really good detective.” Sammy chuckled lowly, face not twisted in condescension, but with genuine gratitude.
“Thank you.” He said, hands in his pockets. “I-” He was cut off by the door opening again. It was a uniform. You didn’t know his name, but he seemed urgent.
“Hi, um,” he panted, clearly rushing to get to you. “They found the sister. She’s in room two.” Your head snapped to Sammy, and he met your excited look. He tossed his head back in relief, bending his knees.
“Oh, I love when they do our job for us.” He groaned, a wide smile painting his face.
Haylee wasn’t exactly what you expected. She sat in her chair with her legs crossed, lips pursed warily. You were expecting a sniffling mess. Both of her boyfriends had been murdered and her brother was being questioned for it. You were anticipating more tears, more snot, more ‘he didn’t deserve this.’ Instead, you and Sammy sat across a woman who took each fact with prowess- Both of them dead. Rob in the room next to her. A few questions needed to be answered.
“Did your brother know Thomas?” You asked, filling your voice with artificial sympathy. After a bit of convincing, you had Sammy agreeing that you would be the ideal primary for questioning. A little ‘girl talk’ between you two.
“Oh, yea,” Haylee was quick to respond, her brows pulling tight. “They’ve been best friends since 8th grade.”
“Is that how you met?”
“Mhmm.” Haylee nodded, shifting in her chair. “They’re a bit older than me so I didn’t really get to know Thomas until high school.”
“Can you tell us a little about your relationship with him and Ambrose? If they knew each other at all?” You kept your voice gentle, but curiosity wasn’t absent from your words. You were simply shocked at the casual demeanor she had. She chewed on her gum.
“They never met.” She shrugged. “Ambrose and I work at the same country club. I’m a bar cart girl and he’s- or, I guess, was- a caddie. We had a lot in common.”
“Did he know you and Thomas were together?” Sammy asked and Haylee’s gaze sharpened. She threw him a look and then rolled her eyes to you, can you believe this guy?
“No.” She said pointedly. Condensation filled the word. “My boyfriend did not know I was cheating on him while he was at work.”
“Did Thomas know you were with Ambrose?” Haylee’s face pinched with thought at your question.
“I…I don’t actually know. Rob knew about both of them and they don’t have any secrets from each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if he told Thomas.”
A movement caught the corner of your eye before you could ask your next question. There was a man peering into the room through the small square window in the door. He met your eyes and swirled his finger in the air, telling you to wrap it up. You shared a brief look with Sammy and forced a smile to curve your mouth.
“Thank you, Haylee, that’s all for now. If you’ll excuse us.” You rose from your chair and pulled down your shirt subconsciously. Sammy followed your actions. His fingers lightly brushed against your back as you passed by him. An action that made your breath hitch slightly, but you pushed any thoughts about it to the back of your brain.
“Hello,” The stranger greeted once you were all in the hallway and away from Haylee’s vision. “Lionel Smith. I’m Rob’s attorney.” He shook yours and Sammy’s hands. He took a deep breath and used both hands to clutch at the handle of his brief case. “Listen, I’ll get to the point. You don’t have enough to charge my client with the murder of either Mr. Green or Mr. Delgado. Your file mentions something about a convenience store footage-”
“Correct,” You supplied “Rob was the last person to see Thomas alive.”
“Right,” Lionel gave a tight smile, a little peeved at your interruption. “Well, that convenience store is three minutes from Thomas’ house. Plenty of time to drop him off. You can’t prove that Rob was there when he died and you have no other evidence. So, either show me and charge him, or let my client go.” You blinked hard and looked at Sammy. He gave a small shake of his head and flicked his eyes over your shoulder. Almost undetectable. Almost.
“It was nice to meet you, Mr. Smythe.” You said, voice pinched.
“Smith.” Lionel corrected.
“Right, sorry, lots of long nights recently.” You exhaled, perhaps amused, perhaps frustrated. “We’ll…keep in touch.” Unsure of what else to say, you gave him a curt nod. Lionel struggled to keep his smug smirk under control and he nodded. You dug your fingernails into your palm to prevent yourself from commenting on it.
You spent the remainder of the day sitting at your desk in the Santa Monica precinct. Sammy was not happy about having to watch Rob simply walk out of the precinct. He had stood watching the main doors with a clenched jaw and balled fists. You asked if he was alright, and he just grunted and walked back to his desk. At that moment, Sahabi had called you in for help on a theft case and, since neither Rob or Haylee could be held on murder charges, you had nothing else to do. But you took the case file with you as a precaution. Sahabi was long gone. She had offered to treat you to dinner, it was Friday night afterall, but you waved her off with a weak excuse of wanting to look over the case files again. You wanted to search back through it to find something, anything, that might give you a new clue. Anything that might possibly tie Rob to being at the scene of the crime. Your mistake with the toxicology report may have lost evidence. It was your responsibility to make up for it. Even though all you wanted to do was go home and shower, you knew that you’d be down for the count the moment you walked through your door. So you settled into your chair with a mug of coffee and arranged the files in the halo of light pouring from your desk lamp. All you had to do was find a way to connect Rob to the crime scene. You knew he was with one of the victims twenty minutes before the time of death, but that was still plenty of time to drop Thomas off somewhere and make it back home. You had to find something that proved Rob’s location closer to the murder. You took a deep breath and opened the file.
Two cups of coffee later, you were close to quitting your job. Words blurred together. You had misread the victims’ last names wrong twice, utterly confusing yourself when you got to the autopsies. You had read through a memo at least five times, looking for any sort of reason it would be included with the evidence, only to realize it was sitting on your desk from a meeting you had missed earlier that day. Not at all related to the case. An uncomfortable ache had long since settled into your bones and your belt was digging into your stomach from wearing it too long. You leaned back in your chair and rubbed at your eyes. You were the only one still working in your department, but you needed another pair of eyes to help you. Looking it over by yourself was fruitless. You needed to talk through your thought process. You checked the clock on the wall and pursed your lips. 8 pm. Not an ungodly hour. But you knew Sahabi wouldn’t help you this late unless you came with a peace offering- and her favorite bakery was closed. You took a sharp inhale when a different idea slithered into your mind. Before you could think too hard and talk yourself out of it, you packed your things into your bag, grabbed your keys, and made your way to where your car was parked.
You had never actually been to Castaic. You knew that a lot of cops lived in the city, and you never understood why until you actually drove down the neighborhood streets. Beautiful houses, curated lawns, a paradisiacal refuge from the grime and violence of their Los Angeles work days. What a nice idea, to be able to physically separate yourself from your work. You turned onto the street name that was written on the business card you kept in your center console. For ‘just in case’ purposes. You parked outside the house. The porch lights were on and you could see the flickering light of a TV screen through the window. You gathered your things and stepped out of your car. The dusk air was warm. Clouds streaked black against the deep orange sky and a small breeze rustled the fronds of gardened palm trees. You heard a hawk screeching somewhere in the distance. You reached out and knocked against the white wooden door.
You stood on the porch for a few moments before you understood the reality of the situation. You were arriving unannounced. You hadn’t called him to let him know you were coming, and he didn’t seem happy the last time you had seen him. Maybe he just wanted to sit on the couch doing…whatever he did, and he wasn’t going to answer the door. You clutched the case file to your chest and shook your head. This was stupid. You should leave. You moved to turn around, but the clicking of the door’s lock made you freeze. Anticipation shivered down your spine and you inhaled sharply, eyes widening and mouth pressing together. You just hoped he wouldn’t greet you with a shotgun.
Though, you might have preferred it. Because it would have been much more easily digestible than the sight you were actually met with. Sammy stood in the doorway, face relaxed with vague surprise. You had seen him in his ‘casual’ clothes more than once, when he was preparing for stakeouts, but this…this was something different. It looked like you had interrupted him right before going to bed. He wore loose black sweatpants and a white undershirt. You could see the slope of his chest and the imprint of his belly button pressing against the shirt. He shifted when he recognized you and lifted one of his freckled arms to rest higher on the door. The movement made the shirt pull up and you could see the waistband of his boxers peeking over the sweatpants. Holy fuck. You couldn’t help but have your gaze slowly take in his appearance.
“What are you doing here?” Sammy mumbled, tilting his head. It took you a few seconds and an inquiring twitch of Sammy’s eyebrow, but eventually, words formed through the haze of your brain.
“S-Sorry! Um, I’m sorry to bother you, I just…I’ve been looking over the case files again and everything’s kinda blurring together. I could really use someone else’s eyes to help me. And you…you said that if I ever needed to talk or anything, I could come over.” Sammy had given you his card with his personal number and address a few days into the case. He had mentioned that sometimes murder cases can get tough mentally. And if you needed any support, he was there for you. You doubted he had this situation in mind when he gave you the location of where he lived.
“So you drove an hour? You didn’t want to wait until Monday?” His words were gentle, but the rejection cut right through you. Oh. You remembered that most people had plans for their weekends. Normal people spent it relaxing and not thinking about work. You curled in on yourself slightly and pressed the file closer to your chest.
“Oh,” You squeaked. You felt small and your voice reflected that. “I’m sorry. Y-You’re right.” You gave him a little smile and shook your head, taking a step back. “I got excited, I guess, I’ll- uh, I’ll leave you alone. Have a good weekend. We can talk on Monday.” You turned around instantly. You didn’t witness the panicked look that flashed across Sammy’s face as you began to walk back to your car.
“No!” He called after you. “No, it’s fine. I was just surprised to see you.” You looked over your shoulder and Sammy opened the door wider. “Come in…just, please ignore the mess. I wasn’t exactly expecting company.”
“Are you sure?” Your posture straightened and you turned back to him. “I don’t want to intrude.” Sammy just smiled and stepped to the side.
“Not intruding.” He promised. “Besides, I think Richter wants to meet you.” You looked past him and saw the curious snout of the dog peering at you over the arm of the couch. You smiled and relented, stepping into Sammy’s home. It was cozy. Even though it was considerably larger than your apartment, it was filled with items that made it homey. Picture frames hung on the wall of the staircase and little trinkets were arranged lovingly on the mantle and hall tables. You walked into the living room and placed the file on the coffee table. Richter looked up at you with excited eyes, tongue lolling out of his mouth and tail beating the couch cushions with vigor. You held out your hand and after a sniff, Richter covered your palm in wet licks. You giggled and scratched under his chin. “He likes you.” Sammy smiled, locking the door and joining you in the living room. He gently hooked his fingers in Richter’s collar and urged him off the couch. “Don’t be rude, Richter, let our guest sit down.” Richter gave a huff of air, but obeyed, trotting over to his dog bed in the corner. Sammy gestured to the couch and you sat, beginning to arrange the files on the glass table. He stood there for a moment, a bit awkwardly, before speaking. “Do you, uh, want a beer or something?” Your eyes looked up to him and you smiled softly.
“I’m alright. Thank you, though.” Sammy nodded and sat on the couch beside you. Your attention was drawn to the TV. “You know, I never thought you’d be the kinda guy to stay at home on a Friday night. I figured you’d be at the bars or the strip club or something.” Sammy gave an uneasy laugh.
“Me? A strip club?”
“I dunno,” You shrugged, returning his chuckle. “Nate talks about it sometimes. Even if you don’t love it, you can’t deny that’s like…the place to be.”
“Maybe,” he leaned back on the couch and slung his arm over the back cushion. “But it’s been a long day. I just wanted to watch TV and rot. What about you?” He bumped his knee against yours. “You’re too young to spend all your weekends going over cases. Surely your boyfriend has a bar he wants to take you to.” You stifled a smirk and a roll of your eyes. You knew what he was trying to ask.
“Sammy,” You sighed, looking at him over your shoulder. “We’ve been working together for 2 months. When have I ever mentioned a boyfriend?” You gave an amused noise when you saw his cheeks get a little pink. You looked back at the papers. “Okay,” you inhaled, planting your palms on your knees. “We know Rob was involved. How do we figure that out?” Sammy focused up, but remained in his relaxed position.
“Can we track him and Thomas’ movements after the convenience store?” He asked.
“Mm-mm,” You shook your head. “There’s no working outside cameras and Rob doesn’t have a car registered to him.”
“Did they take Thomas’ car?”
“His mom drove it to work during the TOD. Rob’s grandma has a car in her name, but it was that rusted one in her yard. The one without the wheels.” Sammy’s mouth pulled up to the side.
“Maybe we need to look more at Ambrose. Did his dad send the surveillance tapes?” He asked. You flipped a page to see Ambrose’s written profile.
“Yea, it showed him leaving about ten minutes before TOD. Uniforms found his car at a bus stop three miles away from the crime scene.” You handed him the tow report.
“Okay,” Sammy drawled, eyes scanning the paper. “So that means Ambrose and Thomas met at the scene. There’s a bus stop within walking distance of the county line that serves the same line as the stop the car was at. Was there anything else of note from Ambrose’s parents?”
“Literally nothing.” You chewed the inside of your cheek, gaze roving the pile of scattered papers. “I know the story is in here. I know it. But I have no idea what to look for. Maybe if-”
“Stop.” Sammy cut you off. “I know what you’re going to say. They’re rerunning it, alright? If there’s anything that matters, we’ll know about it in a few days. Stop being so hard on yourself about it.”
“But what if it had something we needed?”
“There’s no way of knowing that,” Sammy shrugged. “Mistakes happen. We’re trying to make it right. Acknowledge and move on. That’s all you can do.” You weren’t convinced, but accepted his words with an unenthusiastic hum.
“What are we missing?” You said, almost to yourself. You flopped back onto the cushion with an exasperated sigh. The TV droned on quietly in the background. A few moments passed with silence. You turned your head slightly to look at Sammy, only to find that his eyes were already settled on you. His belly rose and fell with each of his breaths and his fingers twitched where they were resting only inches above your shoulder. “Do you think we’re going to solve this?”
“Absolutely.” Sammy breathed without hesitation, matching the quietness of your voice. The lamp from the other side of the room cast soft shadows across his face and made his eyes look darker. He really was so handsome.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you’re a good detective.” He whispered, fingers closing the gap and running over the peak of your shoulder. Your breath caught at the action. You saw Sammy’s pupils dilate, which only darkened his eyes further. You were suddenly hit with the intimacy of the moment. Sitting on Sammy’s couch, asking him for his help in the dying light of the day, unable to stop your breath from quickening from the feeling of his fingers against your skin.
“Sammy-” You breathed, titling your head.
“I mean it,” He continued. “You’re so…god, you’re everything. You’re so intelligent and intuitive. You’re not scared to take risks and you show genuine compassion for people. You have no idea how rare that is. I’m so lucky to be working with you. I-” You surged forward, cutting him off by pressing your lips against his. Sammy’s heart punched into his throat and he let out a muffled sound of surprise. You pulled away at the noise, horror rounding your eyes and hands covering your mouth.
“Oh-Oh my god, Sammy,” You gasped, shaking your head. “I’m so sorry I don’t-” Sammy’s hand tugged your wrist away from your face. He leaned in and kissed you again. His lips were so soft against yours, plush and gentle. His thumb swiped along the ridge of your cheekbone and he slowly moved his mouth. You poked out your tongue, asking to deepen the kiss, and Sammy obliged. He wanted to be sweet. Didn’t want to take advantage of you in any way, but the moment when you showed that you wanted him too, he couldn’t hold back. He breathed hard against you when you slipped your tongue into his mouth. Your hands found his chest and you felt his heart race against your palm. They slowly drifted upward until your arms draped around his broad shoulders. A spark of boldness swelled against your ribs and you shifted forward, swinging a leg over his lap until you straddled him, never breaking the kiss in the process.
You settled into Sammy’s lap easily, and his hands found your hips, pulling you closer to him as your lips moved together. Your fingers found the curls at the nape of his neck and buried themselves between them. Eagerness settled into the kiss, noses bumping together and tongues breaching each other’s mouths. You moved a little to reposition your knees and an evil smirk peeled your lips when you felt a bulge pressing against your thigh. You sneakily rolled your hips, lightly brushing against Sammy’s fast-growing erection. Sammy’s hips bucked involuntarily into yours and you let out a little gasp of surprise. He immediately broke the kiss.
“M’Sorry,” He panted, grip tightening on your waist. “I-It’s been such a long time since someone’s touched me. We don’t have to do anything, you just…you feel so good on top of me.” Desire punched you in the stomach, hard and unrelenting. Searing arousal fizzled in your lower back. The slight whimper in his low voice, the small flicker of insecurity breaking through the heat in his eyes, it was the perfect combination of pathetic and mind-bendingly arousing. You cradled his face in your hands, his soft cheeks pudging up slightly between them. You made sure to keep unblinking eye contact as you rolled down on him harder, grinding your clothed core against his length. Sammy’s top teeth bit hard into his bottom lip, suppressing a guttural moan. You shook your head, running your fingers over his cheeks and kissing along his jaw. His eyes fluttered closed and he dropped his head back with gasping breaths.
“Don’t hold back, Sammy,” You murmured against his neck. “Wanna hear you.” He let out a moan when your teeth grazed the sensitive spot beneath his ear. “Good.” His hips bucked again. Your hands ran down his chest and rested on his belly. You sat up straight when your fingers breached the hem of his shirt. His skin was on fire, searing your fingertips as they explored the expanse of his torso. You saw insecurity and hesitation swimming in his eyes, gaze flicking from his stomach to your face. His jaw clicked and his mouth pressed together. You gave him a soft smile and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “You’re so handsome,” You cooed against him “So strong. I need you so bad, Sammy. V’wanted you since the crime scene.”
“Wh…Really?” He said with disbelief. You nodded and hooked your fingers into the strings of his sweatpants, untying the knot. His hands were still glued to you, thick fingers digging into the fat of your hips and guiding you over the tent in his pants. His hard cock poked at your warm entrance and you let out a needy whine.
“Want me to prove it?” Your hands grazed his happy trail, thumb teasing the waistband of his boxers.
“Unbelieveable.” He huffed. “You’re so fucking perfect.” His breath was coming in short pants, whimpering and moaning as your touch went lower. Only inches away from where he desperately needed it.
His phone rang, cutting into the hot cloud of arousal that surrounded the pair of you.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sammy groaned out, head falling against your chest. You couldn’t help but giggle and massage his scalp. You pouted at him and gave a kiss to his nose.
“You should probably get that.” You teased, falling out of his lap and onto the other cushion of the couch. Sammy looked murderous, knuckles white with how hard he was clenching his fist. He muttered as he snatched his phone from the side table.
“What?” He barked into the receiver. You watched his profile as he talked. His chest was still heaving and his cheeks and neck were splotched with blush. You saw the place where you nipped his skin. His lips were slightly swollen and kiss-bitten and his hair stuck out at angles. You let your eyes tick lower to where you were sitting a few moments prior. He wasn’t as hard as he was, but the outline of him was still thick against his thigh. The conjured mental image of him stretching you out made a rush of wetness pool between your legs. When he hung up, his eyes closed and he sighed. “I hate to say this but I’m glad they called. That was traffic control. Apparently Rob’s dad had a car reported as stolen last month. Nevada plate ending in K59.”
“Like that witness said?” Excitement lit up your face. Sammy nodded.
“They got the full plate number and ran it through the traffic footage and they got a hit. Rob and Thomas were in the car together after the convenience store. And then Rob is seen alone in the car 10 minutes after the time of death window. From the direction of the crime scene.”
“Oh my god!” You gasped, sitting up straight. “Rob was there!”
“Yea,” Sammy grinned “Yea, he was.” His smile faltered. “It’s not enough for an arrest, though. Sal said we had to have an entire file on him before we get him. The press is all over this case and the last thing we need is to arrest the wrong guy.” He ran his hands over his face. “I gotta make some calls.” He said apologetically, taking your hand in his and kissing your knuckles. You gave a knowing grin.
“Yea, I should probably head home. Make sure my cacti haven’t gotten into any trouble.” Sammy helped you compile everything and you gave Richter a good-bye before walking to the door. You hesitated when you stepped out onto the porch. Sammy looked a little pained. You kissed his cheek and he sighed, leaning into your touch. “Thank you for helping, Sammy. I’ll see you on Monday.” He swallowed and nodded.
“I’ll see you on Monday.” And he stood there watching, yearning tugging in his chest, as you drove away into the night.
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