Ashley

she/her

[alourr]

Artist of the profile: pluviumgrandis

Where: On Instagram.

Hello! My name is Ashley and I use she/her.

[ko-existing]

🧘🏻🕉️📿

[alourr]

You are " ". Everything is " ". So is everything you see is you? Even a pot? This is for the people who are confused:

A clay can turn into a pot. The pot is clay. So is the clay a pot? The question can be answered with questions. Why did we label a pot a pot? Why is it that shape? Why is it that colour? What is it without it? The shape, the colour, the name... what is it at it's core? Clay. It's clay that is appearing as a shape with certain colours and a label (which are illusions when you question them as well). But that's all. It appears to be a pot with all it's complexities, but it's just clay appearing to be a pot. That's what I mean by "illusions." I'm not saying "oh it's not actually there, you're crazy." What I am saying is that it seems to appear like that, but that's just it. An appearance. Find what it truly is.

So try to answer the first question. You say everything is you, even a cupcake. Question the cupcake. Is it really a cupcake? Or is it just illusions aka the colour, flavour, name, shape, etc?

Still don't get it? Everything is you. You say you are everything. You say you are the bed, but what is a bed? Question it by removing all illusion and you'll find the answer: you. So the bed isn't really a bed. It's you. So replace it to "You say you are the bed" to "You say you are you."

[ko-existing]

Sinking Into Silence

[PB's past dream, 7minute 11 second long audio. It was supposed to be our one and only YouTube video]

Rediscovering and finding myself was both underwhelming and overwhelming simultaneously. Picture yourself submerged in a bottomless ocean, absent of any sense of direction – no up, no down, no left, no right. You're just here, somewhere, sinking in water, uncertain of your destination, sinking further away from a surface you don't even remember. How you reached this point has been forgotten; it just happened. You're not sinking rapidly; it's a slow descent that feels like stagnation or are you actually staying at one place? The water above feels heavier by the second, yet it's not making it difficult to catch your breath.

Attempts to swim upward prove to be pointless; your limbs, physically and mentally drained, feel too heavy to make a difference but they also feel way too light at the same time. So, you let it happen, aware it's neither good nor bad, not worsening or improving your situation, not potentially leading to your survival or death. Yet, you feel helpless – or so you thought.

The more you sunk, the more you could not tell the difference between who you called "myself" and your "surrounding". It became one blur. One Presence or Knowing of "I am here". But are you truly the one sinking? You see your body but look deeper. Who is seeing it? Who are you?

Now, imagine suddenly, amidst absolute nothingness and silence, an inexplicable realization strikes. Is this truly how it's meant to be? It can't be. In the distance, I spot a vague presence, or at least I thought so. I swim towards it, fueled by a sudden burst of energy. However, as I swim, it seems to either recede or stay still. Confusion sets in. What's happening?

"Should I swim, sink or disappear?"

Despite mental and physical exhaustion, every fiber in me wants to surrender. Yet, the desire for freedom keeps me going. "It's right there, I just need to reach it. I need to try harder", you thought to yourself. The Presence remains stationary, and you continue swimming. The exhaustion intensifies, but the Presence doesn't budge. In this endless void, you're left with silence – no sounds, no sensations, only sinking further.

"I'm alright. Nothing is happening"

And then, you notice: what you're swimming towards is what you already are. The freedom you seek in that silence is the same silence and freedom that is already here now.

You are not merging with silence, you are it.

What did it take to realize that?

- PB

[ko-existing]

yall consciousness is everything and impersonal, that means there is no such thing as materialization, even manifesting.

everything exists, already. consciousness is literally the fabric of life itself.

and awareness is how consciousness is experienced. like a flashlight beaming into a dark room.

it's consciousness being aware of itself. infinitely.

so for those who so wanted to live out another dream so bad, you are only aware of wanting to live out a dream so bad. That is an illusion of lack. stop being aware of that full stop and just be aware of something else. everything already exists.

it's not hard and super simple.

one man show.

💯

[iam-uv]

the light in a dark room felt like sucha great pointer.

all the experiences you can ever imagine exist in a dark endless abyss.. its just your awareness that falls at one experience at a time, like a spotlight

- & whatever you are aware of becomes visible/comes to life!

(fyi- all illusory words/concepts- no time no life no sight to see - its all you*, by you & for you!

you* = THAT)

[ko-existing]

https://www.tumblr.com/infiniteko/734174800936910848/what-do-you-mean-that-nothing-is-happening-and

I got it now! When I think of desires, it is imaginary, nothing. This whole thing, this "world," "life," "others," etc is just imagination (aka nothingness appearing as something). The root of it all is nothingness.

Anything that appears like something is just nothing. Nothing is serious because the body or mind that appears as something witnessing something is ultimately nothing. There isn't "something." Something can not come out of nothing. It is all just nothing. You are nothing and everything is nothing.

Nothing doesn't bother me, because it is ultimately nothing and the "me" I'm talking about is also nothing. Thoughts and senses are something that people have been relying on. But what actually are them?

Look at the root of it. If this whole text is repetitive, that's because everything is nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️.

👁️📿

[ko-existing]

[ko-existing]

hey i read your blog and i saw you reposted a lot of manifesting and imagination related posts, but if imagination is illusory how can it “manifest” and if there is nothing to materialize what’s the sense of life? everything seems conceptual but without any way to how be, the ego needs to do its duty and proceed with its life, so how be self, how change ego and life (even if those never existed, how)?

it’s all so beautiful hearing those reassuring words about how we are nothing and this is an illusion but really what is there to do? don’t say nothing because if not how did you get “enlighten”?

Ever though i'm not allowed to say "nothing", i'm still going to say it. Nothing is there to do because Nothing is. Whatever you think you have to do, is an illusory thought. I'm not sure what you want me to tell you, i'm not going to hand out "tutorials" on how to "get" something or "become" enlightened😆 There is no person here that "became" enlightened, only an imaginary person can be enlightened. I have said many times that what people call the "ego" is nothing but a collection of thoughts. Without them, is there a anyone to be enlightened? Strip yourself from all labels, what's left? Abide in "THAT"🤷🏻

Like I said, i can only point you towards "IT" but what you do with that is up to "you". Return to "silence" and you'll realize you never left it📿

[goddessxeffect]

Why try to convince Vanessa of seeing diamonds?

Ever since I read that quote from Ada in which she said that you are trying to let Vanessa see diamonds when it's rocks and her sight is not the fault, I couldn't shake the importance of that truth.

Do you realise that the character, Vanessa, has no free will? She is bound to her conditioning and beliefs. All happens because it happens, she can't control it.

Now, one can argue that she can indeed choose, for example what she eats in the morning, but these little decisions mean nothing - if the ingredients weren't in the fridge, she wouldn't have had the choice either.

She exists because YOU wanted to experience yourself, everything. This is her lifetime in which it happens. She is not the creator of this, she is a creation.

Why try to convince her of experiencing what is not there for her because she is limited that way, i.e. is bound to her circumstances, which are real to her and unchangeable because she IS JUST A TOOL for YOU to experience her experience, her life, as a possibility of infinite possibilities you can define your Self as.

What I'm trying to get across is that before you start to be aware of the life she wants to have and dwell in that, get rid of identification altogether. What you are doing right now is a uneccessary detour, basically trying to convince HER that this is her life now, which is isn't, it belongs to another character of You because Vanessa is fixed as is. Vanessa is a unique form of you, with all her experiences combined.

Once a mold has been cast, it can no longer be changed unless it is melted down, i.e. returned to its original form and then reshaped. However, this is a completely new form. Same basic substance but not the same form from the beginning. The only thing the two share is the source.

You literally have everything already because YOU ARE the source of both of them and her desires and needs will not matter to you anymore! She is not you, nor was she ever. You adore her, you love her but YOU ARE NOT HER.

[goddessxeffect]

Maybe I can make things even clearer with this further addition.

She is (un)real

Your are not supposed to convince your Vanessa that she unreal (that includes all her experiences, circumstances etc) because you are essentially trying to convince yourself of being unreal (which is the only thing you never question ever).

How so? By you identifying with Vanessa, you are believing that you = Vanessa. If you would have detached you would know that she is unreal because you are "I am" (so she cannot be you).

That means that if you are trying to convince "her" it is not coming from knowing that she is unreal but from misidentifying as her and trying to convince yourself... of being unreal, yeah, you see how that is not going to work? The only thing is to realize what you are not!

[goddessxeffect]

Why try to convince Vanessa of seeing diamonds?

Ever since I read that quote from Ada in which she said that you are trying to let Vanessa see diamonds when it's rocks and her sight is not the fault, I couldn't shake the importance of that truth.

Do you realise that the character, Vanessa, has no free will? She is bound to her conditioning and beliefs. All happens because it happens, she can't control it.

Now, one can argue that she can indeed choose, for example what she eats in the morning, but these little decisions mean nothing - if the ingredients weren't in the fridge, she wouldn't have had the choice either.

She exists because YOU wanted to experience yourself, everything. This is her lifetime in which it happens. She is not the creator of this, she is a creation.

Why try to convince her of experiencing what is not there for her because she is limited that way, i.e. is bound to her circumstances, which are real to her and unchangeable because she IS JUST A TOOL for YOU to experience her experience, her life, as a possibility of infinite possibilities you can define your Self as.

What I'm trying to get across is that before you start to be aware of the life she wants to have and dwell in that, get rid of identification altogether. What you are doing right now is a uneccessary detour, basically trying to convince HER that this is her life now, which is isn't, it belongs to another character of You because Vanessa is fixed as is. Vanessa is a unique form of you, with all her experiences combined.

Once a mold has been cast, it can no longer be changed unless it is melted down, i.e. returned to its original form and then reshaped. However, this is a completely new form. Same basic substance but not the same form from the beginning. The only thing the two share is the source.

You literally have everything already because YOU ARE the source of both of them and her desires and needs will not matter to you anymore! She is not you, nor was she ever. You adore her, you love her but YOU ARE NOT HER.

[goddessxeffect]

Maybe I can make things even clearer with this further addition.

She is (un)real

Your are not supposed to convince your Vanessa that she unreal (that includes all her experiences, circumstances etc) because you are essentially trying to convince yourself of being unreal (which is the only thing you never question ever).

How so? By you identifying with Vanessa, you are believing that you = Vanessa. If you would have detached you would know that she is unreal because you are "I am" (so she cannot be you).

That means that if you are trying to convince "her" it is not coming from knowing that she is unreal but from misidentifying as her and trying to convince yourself... of being unreal, yeah, you see how that is not going to work? The only thing is to realize what you are not!

[4dbarbie-deactivated20230709]

Another one ❤

Hope everyone is "applying" (having amazing experinces upon amazing experiences) ༊*·˚

[4dbarbie-backup]

Jun 7, 2023

[lains-reality]

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!

[thecalminside]

It is your show.

It is your universe.

There is no one else here, just you, and nothing is being withheld from you.

You are completely on your own.

Everything is available for direct knowing.

No one else has anything you need.

No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you.

-Jed McKenna

[realisophie-deactivated20240125]

!!! THIS MIGHT HELP WITH SELF REALIZATION

Okay so I talked about void here.

Instead of trying to do anything during the day, why don't you try this at night ?

I came up with this now, after thinking of my own experience and how I could make it even easier for you

To be aware of the Self means to forget the person. Yes?

Either you are what is known, or the knower. You are always aware of there being a person in the waking state. Then, you put the consciousness in the body because besides knowing there is a person, you also know yourself to be it.

So, at night when you are alone, forget the person. I know!! Easier said than done. If I say "Don't think of an apple", you're going to think of an apple. So don't tell yourself "forget about the person and the world", but actually become aware they don't exist.

Become aware of nothing. Become aware of the knower. Of your own beingness.

From there you will be able to become aware of there being a person, then a world. You will be aware of yourself conceiving *there is a world and there is a person*.

No more try to do anything during the day if it's too hard and the mind feels too strong to overcome. FOR NOW. Because I believe the experience of That could make it easier to resume your practice for self-realization after.

If instructions too unclear, sorry😣. Try your best for now and maybe I'll be able to articulate it better in the future. Good niiiight! 🩷

[realisophie-deactivated20240125]

TRY AGAIN TONIGHT DON'T FORGET. YOU HAVE ALL THE KNOWLEDGE NECESSARY YOU CAN DO IT

[alourr]

I think that's what happened at the start of my journey. I tried so hard for a year. But the when I found out about non dualism and just meditated, it happened. I think I know what was different.

Back then, I was so focused on trying to make the body disappear, which made me more aware of the body. But when I just focused (well not really, I was just chilling) on my awareness of being (with the intention of falling asleep), I kinda just slip right in.

[4dbarbie-deactivated20230709]

The major steps are first, becoming aware of the fact that we are master over matter (and matter includes the body). Then, the second major step is becoming master over mind. And when we become really masterful over mind we are able to and we do let go of mind and operate in the realm of omniscience, in the realm of knowingness. Then we are fully aware of the infinite Being that we are, and are in the ultimate Happiness. We should start with the first step, consciously controlling matter. Whether we are aware of it or not, everyone is controlling matter all the time. Whether one wants to be a demonstrator or not, he is. It is impossible to not be a creator all the time. Everyone is creating every day. We are not aware of it because we just don't look at it. We have demonstrated or created everything we have! Every thought, every single thought, materializes in the physical world. It's impossible to have a thought that will not materialize (except that we reverse it). If we think the opposite right after we have a thought, with equal strength, we neutralize it.

So this thing of demonstration that we are all trying so hard to accomplish, we are doing all the time, unconscious of the fact that we're doing it.

You are a creator, so long as you have a mind and think.

━ these were all Lester's words.

Predicting the Q&A that will follow and answering you these.

Q: Does that mean if I think my dog died my dog will die???

Ada: Did you take that thought to be true? What reason would you have to suddenly believe your dog is dead? No, thought materializes when it's absolute, that is when you think "My fridge is in the kitchen", you have no doubts or questions coming along with that, it's a statement you take as real. You think your fridge is in the kitchen, and so it is. You have no feelings regarding that, it is just a statement, it is just reality.

Q: Okay then, how do I make reality of me being Lara?

Ada: This is why I insist to see you aren't either. You can't let go of Vanessa now because you think you are her. Can you think of your fridge being in the living room while you're convinced it is in the kitchen? You don't even allow yourself to, if that thought comes into being - you brush it off, you can't take it for a possibility because you know the fridge is in the kitchen. If you really thought you were Lara, the way you think your fridge is in the kitchen, then that would be materialized with no question. Do you ask questions about Vanessa being materialized? No, she is. No questions asked. You may have all these big feelings about her, but she is because you think so so strongly in the first place, you never allowed yourself to doubt it. Stop thinking it is so and see. what. happens. This is why I insist on equal-mindedness toward all bodies/persons, because then you can just pick and have it be so instantly. Now you don't pick because you go back to dealing with all of Vanessa's baggage, because you think she is the All, the background, the source - and you need to work with that, change her thinking to change her reality. There's this have to, have to, have to━you can't let go of. But Self is not Vanessa.

Being your Self is having all the fridges floating in space, picking one and placing the fridge wherever you want with a thought.

Revert to your natural state and have any thought be absolute the way Vanessa in this moment is to you absolute.

[4dbarbie-backup]

@4dbarbie

Jul 5, 2023

[4dbarbie-deactivated20230709]

The major steps are first, becoming aware of the fact that we are master over matter (and matter includes the body). Then, the second major step is becoming master over mind. And when we become really masterful over mind we are able to and we do let go of mind and operate in the realm of omniscience, in the realm of knowingness. Then we are fully aware of the infinite Being that we are, and are in the ultimate Happiness. We should start with the first step, consciously controlling matter. Whether we are aware of it or not, everyone is controlling matter all the time. Whether one wants to be a demonstrator or not, he is. It is impossible to not be a creator all the time. Everyone is creating every day. We are not aware of it because we just don't look at it. We have demonstrated or created everything we have! Every thought, every single thought, materializes in the physical world. It's impossible to have a thought that will not materialize (except that we reverse it). If we think the opposite right after we have a thought, with equal strength, we neutralize it.

So this thing of demonstration that we are all trying so hard to accomplish, we are doing all the time, unconscious of the fact that we're doing it.

You are a creator, so long as you have a mind and think.

━ these were all Lester's words.

Predicting the Q&A that will follow and answering you these.

Q: Does that mean if I think my dog died my dog will die???

Ada: Did you take that thought to be true? What reason would you have to suddenly believe your dog is dead? No, thought materializes when it's absolute, that is when you think "My fridge is in the kitchen", you have no doubts or questions coming along with that, it's a statement you take as real. You think your fridge is in the kitchen, and so it is. You have no feelings regarding that, it is just a statement, it is just reality.

Q: Okay then, how do I make reality of me being Lara?

Ada: This is why I insist to see you aren't either. You can't let go of Vanessa now because you think you are her. Can you think of your fridge being in the living room while you're convinced it is in the kitchen? You don't even allow yourself to, if that thought comes into being - you brush it off, you can't take it for a possibility because you know the fridge is in the kitchen. If you really thought you were Lara, the way you think your fridge is in the kitchen, then that would be materialized with no question. Do you ask questions about Vanessa being materialized? No, she is. No questions asked. You may have all these big feelings about her, but she is because you think so so strongly in the first place, you never allowed yourself to doubt it. Stop thinking it is so and see. what. happens. This is why I insist on equal-mindedness toward all bodies/persons, because then you can just pick and have it be so instantly. Now you don't pick because you go back to dealing with all of Vanessa's baggage, because you think she is the All, the background, the source - and you need to work with that, change her thinking to change her reality. There's this have to, have to, have to━you can't let go of. But Self is not Vanessa.

Being your Self is having all the fridges floating in space, picking one and placing the fridge wherever you want with a thought.

Revert to your natural state and have any thought be absolute the way Vanessa in this moment is to you absolute.

[4dbarbie-backup]

@4dbarbie

Jul 5, 2023

[alourr]

Everything is [made up of] me! When you realise that, all you feel is love. For the sea, the grass, the ego (especially her), the people around you, etc. It's beautiful.