i need you

my main account is @alovethatkilledme this account is just so I can reblog (and post silly stuff) all the amazing Sherlock and Call the Midwife posts I love and can look back later on. Header: https://miss-ute.tumblr.com/

[the-original-rockbird]

I must apologise for the appalling quality of these. Technology has made great strides in the last 6 or so years...

[nonnatushouse1]

WHAT?! I had no idea such a scene existed. I have so many questions. Why was it cut, even on the DVD versions? Are there more scenes like this from other episodes? Why is this happening? This will haunt me now 😱

[alovethatkilled]

I I fell for someone so deeply that I neglected all my favourite shows. Now back to being a hermit because I’m going through a heartbreak 😤 someone please recommend some shows.

[miss-ute]

🥹

[clobbo]

Mother of the Year

A scene for the end of S13 Ep 8 as Sister Julienne comes to terms with her award. Obviously Shulienne, and also a short visit from Miss Higgins.

Once the photographer had left the hall, Sister Julienne began to feel a little bit more relaxed. Posing for a camera on a stage had never been something she’d done before, and to be honest, it wasn’t the most comfortable experience. She was grateful for the youth and vibrancy of Trixie and Joyce who seemed to take it all in their stride and take her under their wing in that way.

The night itself had been superb. Sister Julienne had enjoyed listening to and relishing the stories and tributes to the mothers of Poplar. Heart-soaring stories of love and care. Motherhood was something she was surrounded by in her work, although so very often she just saw the very beginnings as it was blossoming. She spent less time with mothers in full bloom once they had found their stride. It had been such a celebration to hear amazing stories from around the district of mothers who had meant so much to so many people.

When Sister Monica Joan and Sister Veronica had got up on stage she had no idea what was coming. She was surprised to see them there as she’d not been made her aware of any plans. And as they began to speak she thought perhaps they might be talking about their dear friend Shelagh...although Shelagh’s children had already given their own tribute. Hearing her own name though - well to say she hadn’t expected it to was an understatement.

Aside from the fact she wasn’t actually biologically a mother, she had never really taken into account that she could be seen as one. She was simply doing God’s work...which was to love, as best as she could, all that she came into contact with.

Laying her flowers down on the table, Sister Julienne smiled and greeted the many well wishers and congratulations coming from those around her. Comments and congratulations swarming around her. So deserved. Thank you, Sister. No-one better. None of us could have said it better. We have been so grateful for you, Sister.

She smiled, and nodded. And really, had little to say in response, other than “It has always been my pleasure to serve you all.”

She removed the rosette from her habit and placed it next to the bouquet on the table - it seemed frivolous and wasn’t really in keeping with a life of humility. Around her her friends, colleagues and community were celebrating the whole event, music had started and some of the children were dancing. There was true joy.

Sister Julienne smiled to herself and took a brief look around before making her way towards the exit.

* * *

Sister Julienne inhaled deeply, taking in the cool evening air. She already felt instantly more peaceful by stepping outside and closed her eyes with her face to the stars. God was good. God was very good.

She became aware then of a presence on the bench just to the side of her, and she turned to see Miss Higgins staring a little less peacefully into the middle distance. Sister Julienne immediately felt her heart pierced with sorrow. Miss Higgins had faced so much in the last few days that Sister Julienne could hardly believe she was still standing, let alone able to attend this event with the composure she had. She took a seat next to her on the bench, both women sat facing forward not turning to look at one another.

There was silence for a while, and Sister Julienne did not know what words she could offer, if any. Over the last few days Miss Higgins had been a semi-frequent visitor to Nonnatus, Nurse Crane offering her meals and the general solace of being around others. The pair had a firm friendship, which Sister Julienne could see was of enormous comfort to Miss Higgins at this time. She, however, didn’t know the woman well despite having worked together now for years. Their acquaintance had been almost strictly professional up to this point.

“The air is very refreshing,” Sister Julienne said quietly. “It is quite stuffy in there.”

Miss Higgins nodded. “Congratulations,” she offered in response quietly, genuinely and tentatively.

Sister Julienne shook her head, smiling. “It is quite remarkable, and not a title I feel in the least bit deserving of.”

“People want to show their regard for you, Sister.”

“I understand that. And I am not ungrateful of the gesture in the slightest. But it doesn’t sit comfortably with me....at least not at the moment. Perhaps that will change.”

“Motherhood...being a mother I think...” Miss Higgins began, her eyes still fixed ahead of her. “Well, I think it means a lot of different things. And I think to be one, is such a privilege.”

Miss Higgins looked down and swallowed any threatened emotion. She wasn’t likely to lose her composure, she had always been a resolute, firm and an in control woman. But Sister Julienne had felt the energy shift around her, a sadness pressed in to them both. She rested her hand on Miss Higgins arm, a touch most unusual for the pair of them to experience together.

“It most certainly is,” she squeezed her arm. “And it is not a privilege that will go away, or fade or disappear, Millicent. It will always be with you.”

Miss Higgins looked up at that moment, her eyes damp and reflecting the surrounding light from the hall. She nodded, agreeing with Sister Julienne. “Thank you, Sister.” She squeezed the nuns hand in gratitude and stood up making her way to Nurse Crane’s car where her friend was waiting for her.

Sister Julienne gave a wave of acknowledgement to Nurse Crane as the pair headed back in the direction of Nonnatus House and Sister Julienne leant back on the bench closing her eyes.

I cannot understand the meaning in this. I love these people, this community, my work...but I don’t need the recognition. I would always have continued to do the work joyfully and to love as best as I am able if no one would ever have recognised it. It is what You have called me to do. There are so many genuine mothers who deserve this recognition. Mothers who have sacrificed their lives for their children, who have changed their world to make sure their children have everything they have ever needed. All I have ever done is do exactly what I was called to do...hardly seems like a sacrifice.

“Penny for them?” came Shelagh’s voice as she sat down next to Sister Julienne.

Sister Julienne smiled. She knew Shelagh would be here with her at some point this evening. She’d noticed Shelagh keeping a quiet eye in the background on her, provided her a small smile when the attention ramped up and she began to feel uncomfortable.

“I was just taking it all in,” the nun explained. “Letting the idea of it all...settle.”

“It isn’t a bad thing to receive praise, you know,” Shelagh offered quietly, caring the rosette that Sister Julienne had left on the table, knowing that the idea of praise and attention would be niggling somewhere in Sister Julienne’s thoughts.

“No. But I don’t need it, I haven’t asked for it...”

Shelagh chuckled quietly. “I think that’s the point and what got you the nomination!”

Shelagh shuffled along the bench closer to her Sister and took her hand, resting her head onto her shoulder. The peaceful surroundings only slightly interrupted by the distant murmur of chatter in the hall from the celebrations inside. The wide open starry sky above them, Sister Julienne tilted her head so it rested on Shelagh’s, the pair sat next to each other, leaning on one another.

“I love looking at the stars,” Shelagh began. “It reminds me of how vast it all is, and how delicate and intricate we are. How, in all of the world, we are here in this one space. We could be anywhere, but we were placed here...to do God’s work...to live the life he wanted us to, right here.”

She paused for a moment, hearing the slow breathing of Sister Julienne, totally relaxing in that thought.

“You didn’t need an award tonight, it’s true. You don’t need it because you are already loved and cherished right here in this place. But, how are we all to repay such love that you’ve shown? It’s not the title, or the flowers, or the rosette...it’s our honour and our privilege to show our love and appreciation to you. And this is the way we were able to do that. There is no doubt to me that you were called to be a mother right here in this community and to all these people...In all of the universe, in all of the world, this is exactly as it was always meant to be.”

“Being a mother is a privilege...” Sister Julienne repeated from her earlier conversation.

Shelagh smiled. “We’ll, yes. But it’s also hard work. And it’s joyful. And it hurts. And it’s realising you don’t know what you’re doing, but doing it somehow anyway out of love. It’s disappointing. And it’s rewarding. It makes you furious...and it makes you love fiercely.”

“Yes, I suppose that does sound rather familiar,” reflecting on everything she had felt whilst working in the Poplar community.

Shelagh sat up right to look directly at her Sister, emotion beginning to etch its way into her voice. “Sister, having being cared for by you has been the greatest privilege I have known. You have taught me so much, cared for me so patiently and kindly, sat with me in my darkest hour and offered me your wisdom and your love at every turn. The privilege and the honour have always been mine.”

“Oh Shelagh...” Sister Julienne took her friend in her arms and kissed her gently on the cheek. “I could never have loved you any more than if you were my own flesh and blood.”

The two women looked at each other, smiling amongst their tears. Shelagh opened her hand to display the rosette from earlier. “May I?”

Sister Julienne nodded, and Shelagh reattached the rosette to the habit, placing her hands on the nuns shoulders and beamed. “I could never have asked for more in my life. And I could never have been more proud.”

Mother of the Year

[alovethatkilled]

[ilovemushystuff]

praise for Shelagh

[thewordperfection-doesnot-exist]

I bet Heidi Thomas listens to this while writing the Turners and sneers a bit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1HLhfB8znA

While every Sunday evening the fandom is like this

[sincerelyrobink]

“There, that’s better.”

[alovethatkilled]

THE CAKLE I LET OUT!!!

[sincerelyrobink]

“You’ll be late again,” she said as he walked into the kitchen behind her and his arms snaked their way around her waist.

He started kissing behind her ear and whispered, “What if I don’t care?”  Each word brought a small puff of warm breath on her neck and a charge traveled to her throat from right below her ribcage.  Her hand gripped the teacup she had just filled and she felt it wobble.

There was a routine Saturday morning clinic that required a doctor’s presence, but these days his absence on a weekend seemed like such an imposition.  Shelagh had risen with the dawn as she usually did, and he had pretended to sleep, watching her dress in the half-light through slit eyes.  She knew he was watching, of course, but she adored his attempt to hide it.  There was no shyness between them anymore, but Patrick still held fast to the belief that she was fragile in many ways, and he tried desperately never to make her uncomfortable.

Tim was still sleeping after a long evening of Cubs activities.  As on most Saturdays, Shelagh planned to let him sleep until he was ready to rise; lack of sleep could lead to quite an unpleasant Timothy. 

Knowing the boy was tucked away upstairs, Patrick was particularly bold this morning.  Giggling, Shelagh tried to squirm away, but he held her firmly.  Timothy once told her that a boa constrictor’s grip tightens when its victim exhales; she could not help but be reminded of this as she felt her husband’s heartbeat and the weight of his chest on her shoulders.  His nose was behind her ear, his lips kissing the nape of her neck, her hair, her collarbone.  It was difficult to resist such attention, and Shelagh was becoming more mussed as the minutes progressed.

“Patrick, you’ll spill the tea.” 

“What if I don’t care?”  The words were softer now, the breaths heavier and closer to her skin.

The distant sound of a teacup cracking in the sink and any concern about time were unimportant as he spun her around to face him, his arms enveloping her and their whole world stopping when their lips met.

[sincerelyrobink]

I’ve been meaning to make a giant post of my series of the nuns of Nonnatus House.  Insert shameless self-promotion here…

Originals: Sister Bernadette Sister Julienne Sister Evangelina Sister Monica Joan

[miss-ute]

for @georgia-hill6

[alovethatkilledme]

– I know. Because I have you.

[sisterjulienne]

Sr J: Oh Shelagh, I really do believe this might be the answer to my prayers.

~ S10 Ep3

And because the typed words do not do the emotion in this moment justice…

[clobbo]

Forewarned is Forearmed

A little scene insert for Series 13 Episode 8 - Shulienne

Sister Julienne took a deep breath. There had been many times in her life at Nonnatus where she’d had to keep the peace between Sisters. However, Sister Monica Joan and Sister Veronica were equal amounts of stubborn and it could be difficult for Sister Julienne to keep her own frustration under wraps with them both at times. It wasn’t an emotion Sister Julienne was comfortable with, but she was only human and it got the best of her from time to time. Perhaps that was why she shut the door a little more forcefully than she had intended.

She took a deep breath, the air quickly escaping from her in a display of surrender and exasperation.

“Sister Julienne?”

Sister Julienne turned to see Shelagh stood just a little way down the hall. Shelagh looked reluctant, concerned and hesitant. It always struck Sister Julienne that she could see her friends emotions so clearly. She thought herself as generally quite well tuned to people’s emotions - it sort of came with being a nun and midwife. But with Shelagh it seemed different, it seemed to her that she could read Shelagh’s emotions even easier than she could recognise her own at times.

“May I speak with you...?” Shelagh gave a small sigh, and Sister Julienne immediately dropped her hands to her sides. She’d had them just below her diaphragm, trying to feel the exit of the exasperation from her whole body as she sighed in the hopes her frustration might dissipate. As it happened, it only required the sound of concern within Shelagh’s voice for her to immediately disengage with her own feelings and switch her focus away from her bickering Sisters.

“My dear Shelagh, what ever is the matter?” She said stepping towards her. This was somewhat of a redundant question. Dr Turner had been on the phone earlier in the day to say that his wife would be visiting and had alerted Sister Julienne to the latest development with May’s fostering arrangement. He forewarned Sister Julienne that although Shelagh would be visiting in hopes of a practical favour he felt that what she really needed was someone to talk to who could carry the weight of her emotions, and he had struggled to really provide that as he was only just managing his own. They had shared them, but he knew Shelagh needed her Sister in a way that he could not fill.

“I’m sorry...this is a bad time for you...” Shelagh said, noticing the older woman’s weariness just seconds before.

“Nonsense,” dismissed Sister Julienne, reaching Shelagh’s side. “I always have time for you.”

Shelagh ducked her head a gave a shy smile. She knew it was true, but she also knew that Sister Julienne had so many other responsibilities that she felt a wave of guilt come over her for taking up too much of her time.

“Come on,” said Sister Julienne, gently placing a hand on Shelagh’s arm to turn her in the direction of her office. “Come with me.”

* * *

“Patrick said I should come,” Shelagh began. “He said talking to the Order might help as you have links with the Hong Kong Adoption Project. He thought you might have some insight into May’s mother and why she is so keen to speak to us. To speak to May.”

Shelagh had sat down in the usual place for everyone in Sister Julienne’s office - the side of the desk where they all came to discuss their concerns and worries. She directed her question forward to the currently vacant chair, expecting Sister Julienne to make her way there once she had closed the door. Sister Julienne though pulled a chair over from the wall and sat next to Shelagh, positioning herself close and facing towards her. The act itself made Shelagh smile, and relax everso slightly, as if the sheer proximity to Sister Julienne meant she could already feel her compassion and warmth before she’d even spoken a word.

Sister Julienne paused for a moment thoughtfully and then slowly nodded. “We may be able to obtain some information for you...for May.” She paused again, gently reaching out to take Shelagh’s hand. “Forgive me though, Shelagh. The practicalities we will certainly do all we can for you all. But what concerns me most right now, in this moment, is how you are.”

Shelagh removed her hand from Sister Julienne’s grasp and began to play with a loose thread on her coat. There was a long silence between them. Shelagh found herself thinking how easy it could be to let all her feelings go, to indulge in her sadness and anger and confusion at the situation they now found themselves in. To give in to all her feelings though scared her. Where would they end? Sister Julienne had leant forward to try to look Shelagh in the eye, but found her friend would not take her focus from her own lap and the piece of stray cotton, where Sister Julienne’s hand now rested.

Finally, Shelagh looked up at Sister Julienne, her vision blurry with threatening tears. She swallowed and found her words. “If I do not focus on the practicalities,” she said resolutely. “I will break.”

“And if you were to ‘break’...?” Sister Julienne asked quietly.

Shelagh let out a sigh and shook her head. She took Sister Julienne’s hand, Sister Julienne’s thumb immediately gentle rubbing the top of Shelagh’s hand. “I am not sure that even you would be able to put me back together at the moment.”

Sister Julienne nodded slowly and squeezed her hand. “I understand,” she said reflecting on Shelagh’s words. “But know that we are always here for you. I am always here for you.”

“I know, Sister,” Shelagh said attempting to re-gather her strength. She gulped, the lump in her throat growing. “And right now I need to focus on what we can do. What we can understand of the situation. Because the thought of losing her...it...I can’t...”

Sister Julienne watched Shelagh struggle with herself, staggering over the words as tears began to run from her eyes, he words punctuated with small sobs. She let go of Shelagh’s hands and leaning forward took her in her arms. She knew Shelagh was fighting to not give in to her tears but cannot leave her friend sitting with so much torment inside her. She held firmly to her, as if her heart could be healed by such an embrace.

“This isn’t breaking Shelagh,” she said softly over her shoulder. “You are not breaking.”

“Am I not?” Shelagh whispered into her shoulder, closing her eyes and causing further tears drop and land on Sister Julienne’s habit.

“No.” Sister Julienne pulled back slowly from Shelagh, leaving her hands resting on her upper arms, her voice think with emotion. “This is a mothers love...and it should be felt.”

Shelagh nodded. “And what if its decided I’m not her mother anymore?”

Sister Julienne felt her throat tighten with emotion. She had no idea how to answer Shelagh’s question and suddenly felt out of her depth. She had no child she could relate that sort of love to, and she had no idea what lay ahead. Any platitudes of ‘love is enough’ or ‘you’ll always be her mother’ suddenly felt dismissive of what might lay ahead. And although Sister Julienne had every hope and faith that what was best for May would come to pass, if that was a life without the Turner’s she also knew the incredible pain it would inflict.

It was Shelagh who spoke first. “You told me once to have courage,” Shelagh remembered.

Sister Julienne gave a small smile, recalling the memory. “Yes.”

Shelagh wiped her eyes. “It’s good advice.”

Sister Julienne nodded slowly, thinking this over. “Yes. Maybe courage is this. Maybe courage is speaking what we fear the most, giving it a voice so that it doesn’t eat away at us...”

Shelagh continued to dabbed her eyes, and took some shaky breaths trying to regain her composure. She spoke slowly. “Maybe it’s accepting that if Esther is in a good place to have May back, then that...that is something that should be celebrated. Mother and daughter...they’ll be...together again, no matter how much...how much it hurts us.”

Shelagh paused, blowing her nose on a handkerchief that Sister Julienne had placed in her hands. Taking a deep breath she looked straight at Sister Julienne. “But how will we know?” She said desperately, almost pleading with Sister Julienne. “How do we know it is right for May if that is the decision?”

Sister Julienne stood up, putting her hands out to help Shelagh up also. “We are to arm ourselves with the facts. I think Sister Veronica is going to be able to help us...”

[miss-ute]

Turnadette in s09e01

[alovethatkilled]

Crazy that on the Netflix version they cut almost everything here. They only show Shelagh at the surgery and that’s it.

[bees-and-mice-and-frogs-and]

I will die on the hill that the characters most of the Call the Midwife fandom dislikes are usually the most realistic ones.

I say dislike specifically, because I think the only character most people truly hate is Sister Ursula, and for good reason.

Like Jenny, Violet, and tbh Matthew. Jenny especially. I was very surprised when I first learned people didn't like her very much, because she struck me as an incredibly well played naïve, sheltered young woman in her early 20s who is having her eyes opened to the reality of the world.

[apolladay]

When you can't take the lid off of a jar, what's your go to method for loosening it?

tap it on a counter/table

take a knife and gently wedge it under the lid

a secret 3rd thing

Voting ended onMar 11, 2024

[alovethatkilled]

The Turners

I wrote this out after episode 13x05 regarding the Turners and what I want to see. I spoke about it to someone else before, but I wanted to share my thoughts here, too. 

I actually wanted to write a fanfic regarding this matter, and it's the reason why you’ll see some dialogue. Who knows, I might bite the bullet and do it if inspiration strikes. This is also a rough draft, as emotions were present while writing this. Anyway, here we go. Please ignore all the grammar mistakes.

I actually WANT them to take her away. I want May to be taken away and be put with a different family. Now, hear me out before any hate gets thrown at me.

I want CTM to show the struggle of Patrick, Shelagh, Tim (if he is home), Angela, Teddy, and other characters close to the Turners.

I know Shelagh’s way to cope is to throw herself into work and to keep busy. Show me how Shelagh is struggling to cope with May being gone so show me her breakdown. Have Patrick, Sister Julienne, Sister Veronica, or even Mrs Higgins try to console Shelagh. That chat that she had with Sister Julienne was so short and knowing it probably took a lot of Shelagh to open up was disappointing so have them open up more or just give the woman a hug Sister Julienne, she needs it!

Have Cyril be the one that takes a crying May away from her parents. Show me how every time one of them sees Cyril afterwards, they look away because even though they know he was doing his job, that doesn’t change the fact that they are still hurt by it.  

I want to see May be put into a different house. I like to see May become withdrawn. The house where she is put up isn’t bad, but it isn’t the best for her. Show me Esther seeing May like that. Show Esther looking at the pictures Shelagh has sent and how happy she looks. Then, have her look at May and realise that May was always with the best family she could have because she has parents and siblings who love her deeply. Although it is painful for Esther because she knows she can’t care for May, she understands that the Turners are giving her child a good life. I want Esther and May to talk, even if it’s briefly, and let her choose what she wants. Then give me a cute moment of Esther teaching May some of her native language. Maybe something silly or teach her to say “I love you”. 

Then, give them a reunion. Have Mrs Williams or Esther return May to the Turners. Not at their house, but somewhere public, like a park. Have them not know that May will return until she does. Have May run from where she was standing and call out “Mummy”, then have Shelagh and Patrick turn around frantically at the sound. Shelagh crouches down just in time for May to barrel her way onto her arms. Secure, Shelagh inhales May’s hair as she did at the Mother House. Patrick suddenly envelops both Shelagh and May into a hug. Then, have May say something silly like “I can’t breathe” they panic, but once they see May laughing, they join her or have May say “I love you” to them in Cantonese/Mandarin. And when Shelagh or Patrick asks what it means, Esther approaches and says, “It means I love you”.

Have Shelagh grab Esther’s hands as she repeats, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” 

Then maybe have the Turners meet Esther and let them talk. This part doesn’t have to be shown, but this talk could be about them trying to communicate more for May. Have Esther ask the Turners to send May to get Cantonese/Mandarin classes so she doesn't forget her roots.

This is one of the most essential parts. I don’t want this to be a one-episode story. I like this to be a multiple-episode situation. Have it be until the last episode of the season/series. Or even if we have to wait, have May return to them during the Christmas episode.

The Turners are a beautiful, loving family. We often see bad things happen to them and they pull through like they always do. It’s their strength to have faith and trust in each other, and it’s what makes them so amazing. In the show, we see couples come and go, but none have been as firm as them (with the exception of The Buckles). They are the longest-lasting couple in the series. Show us why we initially fell in love with them and why we still do ten years later. 

Their 10th anniversary was overlooked, and in the Tuberculosis episode, there was no mention of Shelagh or how that particular case could have affected Patrick and Timothy in the aftermath. It is as if none of these things was crucial or significantly impacted them and their friends in the series. So give this to them. 

Anyway, the rant/mini fanfic (?) is done for now.

If you have your own thoughts on the matter please share them but don't be mean.

[alovethatkilled]

mmmmm welp I'm still all mushy for them so it's okay I guess

[miss-ute]

*dead