Today, while squeezing in a bit of writing time around my job tasks, doing paint touch-ups on my bathroom renovation, and shooing my cat off the piano so that I can practice, I realized that Iāve been writing āseriouslyā in fandom for 10 years.
Reflection below the cut.
I say writing āseriouslyā because I had been toying with fanfic since middle school, starting a lot of multi-chapter stories that I never completed, as I inevitably spent more time doing other things: friends, gaming, reading, whatever. But in 2015, I was in a new phase. My grad school friends had all moved away, leaving me the sole person from our group who got a job in the area. I was living alone for the first time and had had my heart spectacularly broken at the end of 2013, leaving me uninterested in dating as I worked out the more difficult aspects of a relatively new bipolar II diagnosis. Playing the Dragon Age series became my main hobby, and once I had sunk a few hundred hours of Alistair, Fenris (or Sebastian, my problematic fave), and Cullen romance in, I started writing for it. Only this time there was nothing else really pressing to distract me.
I started work on The Void Between Us, a chaptered Cullenquisitor childhood sweethearts AU. For the first time, I actually kept at it, completing it within a couple of months, which was unprecedented for me at the time. I consider that the beginning of my āseriousā writing journey, which was now a decade ago.
Iāve said in the past that fanwriting changed my life, and Iām 100% sincere. The people I met in the subsequent years in Kylux, my first real engagement with the social side of fandom, are still among some of my very best friendsāthough Iāve never met some of them in person, and those that I have, I shared experiences with dear to my heart. Friends have come and gone due to life and fandom changes, and there are a few relationships that my own failings to be a supportive friend ruined, but everyone touched my creative life in a profound way.
My most productive writing years were 2016 to 2023, when I did pretty much nothing but go to work and write stories (save for meeting my beloved in 2019). And there was a distinct prioritization of writing over work. Iām lucky to have held down the job, honestly. Things have taken a turn for the real life since I got married and bought a house in 2024, slowing down my writing by a lot. The change was probably called for, since Iām taking my professional life a bit more seriously and pouring sweat every weekend into renovating our house, but apparently nobody could pry longfic from my hands, since Iām neck deep in These Hands, If Not Gods, a Solavellan fic now pushing 100k.
Itās full circle, I think, to be writing for Dragon Age again almost exactly 10 years after I set foot on the āseriousā fanwriting path. Setting The Void Between Us and These Hands side by side is a fascinating study in what a decade of practice can do for your prose and storytelling ability (not to mention upping my smut game), and it put me in a place to reflect on all the betas past who helped shape my work; all the friends who cheered me on; all the commentersāevery single oneāwho made the effort to write a response to a chapter; the fanartists and moodboard makers, Photoshop manip wizards and bookbinders who gifted me with their time and incredible skill to make art inspired by my stories. Iām astounded, awed, and humbled by fandom every day.
In 2025, I have only posted and (way too sporadically) updated a single fic, which is the āleast productiveā Iāve been since 2015, but that doesnāt diminish the wonderful community Iāve found in DA or the new challenge and learning experience These Hands has been. And it is hard! Iām trying new things, āleveling up,ā or however you might want to put it.
Thereās always that niggle of āyou take fic too seriously, Gef,ā when I think about the craft, but I wouldnāt still be here writing thousands of words if 1) I didnāt actually care about making them good, for both myself and for the people who read and engage with them, 2) that engagement didnāt inspire me to write more and write better.
And Iām proud of The Void Between Us, even though it isnāt as impressive as my current work is, because it started me on a journey of discovery: finding out just how much I love to write. So, all this to say that itās been a wonderful 10 years with many words written, so much growth (personal and creative), and so many wonderful friends. Hereās to another decade!
Heal
A personal piece about healing, forests have always been a source of calmness and well-being for me so this illustration is also kind of my love letter to them
Second apprentice mage to Keeper Deshanna Istimaethoriel Lavellan, 9:31 Dragon
from These Hands, If Not Gods
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My eternal love and gratitude to @firlachieldraws for taking some reference images, a handful of sweaty cash, and, as naturally as breathing, giving me my son. <3
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