misella Landica

Dans le doute absentiens-toi

[alterna-latina]

tending our garden 🌱

[alterna-latina]

“Afinal, a melhor maneira de viajar é sentir.”

Flags 2023.

[alterna-latina]

[alterna-latina]

new world

[alterna-latina]

old world

[alterna-latina]

[alterna-latina]

So when I was a girl, I used to have this vision of who I was gonna be as an adult. And then as I got older, I realized how wrong my expectations were, and how hard it was to do basic things. Like I was so internally fucked up for so long that it was impossible to like myself even a little bit, and even less possible to like and enjoy other people and the worlds they brought with them. Anyway...being this vision of maturity that I had for myself when I was 5 seemed like a joke perpetuated by capitalism, or the media. And it turns out that was sorta true. But it also turns out that it just takes time to sort out the really hard things. Lots of effort, and also just time. And it’s only in the last few months that I’m starting to feel that I embody these things that I liked about myself as a kid. I know, crazy right? I’m not everything, and that’s okay because I don’t need to be. I don’t need to be the funniest person in the room, or the most dynamic. And it’s not like I’ve fully embodied the wholesome and singular vision I had for myself. Like listen, I could travel more (and will now that things are opening back up). I could learn to be more spontaneous, and be more willing to be social. Like, say yes to the lame things when people ask/offer. Because I do actually want to be able to do that. And I could be more proactive in learning therapeutic practices and techniques that are necessary for me in my work. I can’t just be a passive student/intern, but need to begin to feel comfortable stepping into the role of offering guidance to others. But anyway, I can feel the vision I had of myself as a kid, of who I wanted to be at 25...it just is taking a little longer. But I’m more like that person all the time. 

What I don’t give enough credit to is the unpacking of all the mess over the past year. Like, the gross, gritty, nightmare gunk that occupied my mind and body for too long. It’s been a long and uncomfortable exorcism. Yo, and what a trip it is to feel safe. Like, what? You’re telling me people feel this for free as kids?? Wild. I only just learned what it felt like to feel safe. And you feel it everywhere, in your mind, your heart, your body. The connections you make with others. Safety is such a gift and I can’t get over how amazing it is that I’m fortunate enough to experience it. Like to feel grounded. That might be the most fundamental experience of the past year...to begin to do the work, to locate my body, and to start growing out these little roots. They’re still kinda tentative, and they get scared sometimes, but those babies are growing and getting stronger every day. 

I listen to people now and realize I’m not the miserable one. There are so many good parts to me. And you know, I’m less mad about people making me think the good parts were bad parts. I get bothered, I process, I let it go. And the routine isn’t perfect, but I can feel the anger slowly subsiding. Very slowly. But I can see what I need to do, where I need to be, and the fact that there are very few people who get to play these integral parts of my story. And I get to choose them! 

So idk, I think 28 is gonna be a good year? I say that tentatively but like...I think it’s gonna be a good year. 

[alterna-latina]

December, 2020

[ckronicles]

While Night Comes On Gently, 2019

[stevenbarnum]

[lethargicfog-deactivated2021041]

[amortizing]

“Do not tell everyone your story. You will only end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people’s response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.”

— Henri. J.M. Nouwen (via amortizing)

[itscolossal]

Twisting Vines and Leafy Botanics Carved into Crusty Breads by Blondie + Rye

[ryebreadgf]

portraits in green

malcolm t. liepke / milt kobayashi / toyin ojih odutola / pegge hopper / xuan loc xuan / hope gangloff / milt kobayashi / pierre boncompain / livia falcaru

[alterna-latina]

home 🌈 2020

[livingaleatory]

[pipfindlay]

“Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, and quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow.”

— Paulo Coelho  (via awelltraveledwoman)