call me aiden.

aiden joshua lewallen | seventeen | apollo "One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain." - Bob Marley

[apollogeticaiden-deactivated201]

I can't believe I actually used my essay as an excuse for not packing.

[flawlessf-elicity]

Well, you did accomplish something.

[alwaysaiden-blog]

That's true! But now I have no motivation to accomplish the other. [makes a face]

[apollogeticaiden-deactivated201]

I can't believe I actually used my essay as an excuse for not packing.

[s-hiloh-deactivated20120810]

…what essay? [makes a face]

[alwaysaiden-blog]

The essay everyone's been freaking out about? The one where we had to write about an assigned Greek God or titan?

[aloganlerman]

[alwaysaiden-blog]

Guess I better get started on this essay.

[sighs, pulls out a book and reads] "Apollo is one of the most important and complex of the Olympian deities in ancient, Greek and Roman mythology. Apollo has been variously recognized as a god of light and the sun, truth and prophecy, healing, plague, music, poetry, and more." [raises an eyebrow and takes notes]

[angelinadilaurentis]

…Okay subject changer [pauses] For people.. like.. to be around them again

[alwaysaiden-blog]

[blinks] I'm not sure I'm following.

[angelinadilaurentis]

Whatever… [shrugs] Yeah I got that… [blinks] ….I don’t know… I thought I was mentally prepared for all of this.. in a way…

[alwaysaiden-blog]

It's not whatever and you know it. [shakes head] Mentally prepared for all of what?

[angelinadilaurentis]

…You have a weird way of showing how you care about me [blinks] You know that part in the movies where they say that.. and then person who left is always like.. oh I can’t leave forever… even if I wanted to because there’s something that always bring me back.. and they’re all like.. that things you.. yeah [nods] I watch too many movies.

[alwaysaiden-blog]

I could say the same for you. [shoots her a look, referring to the tape, sighs] I guess the main thing is that you're back. I just... People are going to be angry with you for a little while. Including me. There's not getting around that. You can't just do what you did and expect everyone to be okay with it. [pauses] Out of curiosity, what brought you back?

[ingeniously--isa-blog]

Well...

This is lovely…[blinks rapidly]

[alwaysaiden-blog]

Something wrong?

[angelinadilaurentis]

[holds up fist] UGH! You won’t understand!? You’re never going to understand god dammit! [pauses] I can continue yelling at you and trying to explain my situation to you but when it comes to the point where I actually know you’re not going to put yourself in my shoes.. I’m wasting my time! I’m wasting my time here, wasting it talking to you, wasting it breathing, or living. What the fuck is the point if I know none of you are going to understand!? I could have told you my problems.. but I didn’t! I can’t go back in time and undo the things I’ve done. I made a mistake! But that’s okay… Mistakes are proof that you’re trying. And what I was trying to do is stop hurting people. I hurt people without even trying! [pauses] You know what.. whatever.. I’m done here.. I’m done doing stuff that only effects others badly.. I’m done getting fucking yelled at… I’m done bringing chaos to this fucking school without doing shit! I’m done. That’s it… [walks away]

[alwaysaiden-blog]

Oh, no you don't. [shakes head and grabs her arm gently, turning her around] You're not running away from the problem or me, not again. In case you haven't learned, running away does nothing. [looks at her firmly, his voice softening] I don't understand because you never gave me the chance to. You left before I could do that. [sighs] I understand that people are giving you shit for it and I get that it's hard for you, but you just have to understand where we're coming from. Imagine if Nat or Jaq or even I just left one day without a word, and the next people are telling you we're dead. You wouldn't be pretty shaken, wouldn't you? [drops her hand] I'm so angry with you, Angel, because of what you did and all the hell you put me through. But it's only because I care about you. [says softly, voice shaking] I thought you were gone forever.

[angelinadilaurentis]

You know what… Usually I would have let that go.. but nope. [closes her eyes in frustration, looks at him] So what if I fucking left!? So what if I put everyone else here through hell!? You guys do it to me all the time! I’ve been living the same for my entire life.. I’ve been living in hell ALL MY LIFE! …Since I was able to do shit for you people I’ve been putting all my problems aside in order for you guys to be happy! I don’t do shit for myself.. I haven’t done something for myself in 17 fucking years!? No one knows about my problems do they? NO! This one time.. I decide to do something for myself.. I’m selfish.. All anyone ever notices is stuff I do for myself!? Did I tell anyone about how I haven’t seen my parents since I was four? Or — or the fact I’ve been depressed since I was like eleven? OR how the only man that ever meant shit to me died not to long ago!? NO instead I’m here fucking trying to keep my sane for your assholes so you fuckers don’t have to goddamn worry about me!? I So who are you to tell me I’m fucking selfish! One time.. ONE TIME GOD DAMMIT.. I walk away from my problem.. ONCE. THAT’S IT! So don’t you dare try to put me down and say that shit to me.

[alwaysaiden-blog]

[shakes head, too upset to be fazed by what she said] God dammit, Angel, it's called telling us what's going on! Did anyone ask you to help only them? Did anyone ever tell you that you couldn't worry about yourself? Did anyone specifically ask you to push your problems aside forever so that you could help them? If so, then I'm sorry, but they're an asshole and not like the rest of us. You never mentioned anything so how the fuck were we supposed to know something was going on? You could have asked for help, or told someone that you weren't okay. But instead you keep your mouth shut and suddenly that's our fault?! God, Angel, you could have just told someone instead of fucking running away from the problem! [yelling, throws his hands up in the air] Fuck, Angel, you didn't just run away from the problem, you created a whole fucking knew one. Even if you had just told someone that you were leaving then this whole goddamn thing would have been better! It's okay to have problems, Angel, but it's not okay to just disappear off the face of the fucking earth! God, you don't even care about what you've done to everyone, do you? You just don't even fucking care. 

[writeaboutmesometime]

[alwaysaiden-blog]

// someone make an emma watson and ship with me

[angelinadilaurentis]

Excuse me.. but since when have you started caring about what the hell I do? From what I’m getting it looks like it was better when I was gone.. because now that I’m back all I’m getting is bullshit from all of you.

[alwaysaiden-blog]

Because you left, Angel. You fucking left and didn't say a word. You were just gone one day. Just gone. People thought you were dead. It was certainly not better off without you because everyone was gone, looking for you. Do you know what Natalie and Jacqueline went through? What your parents and your friends went through? Do you know what I went through? [shakes head] We were worried sick, and all of the sudden everyone was getting this tapes, and you didn't tell us anything. Just that we were apart of the reason why you left, and that you might be fucking dead. Dead. Do you know what that felt like? No, because you didn't think of anyone else but yourself. So don't you dare try to tell me that we're giving you bullshit when you've been giving us bullshit for the past six weeks.

[angelinadilaurentis]

No. I left so I can get away from everyone [pauses] no wait.. everything here.

[alwaysaiden-blog]

So what, you decided Allegory wasn't good enough for you so you just got up and left? Without a word? And with all those tapes that explained nothing? [frowns] Dammit Angel, do you realize what you did to us? Or was it just a fun vacation for you?

[angelinadilaurentis]

Actually that’s what I was doing.. and writing more.. [nods] And it was a month and two weeks….

[alwaysaiden-blog]

[stares at her] You left for a month and two weeks, leading everyone to believe you were dead, just so you could write?

[angelinadilaurentis]

Okay then… [sits back up, fiddles with her fingers] Ummm… what would any normal person do downtown?

[alwaysaiden-blog]

I don't know, see a movie or eat food or something, for a night. Not for a whole month. [raises an eyebrow]

[ingeniously--isa-blog]

Shut up. [makes a face at him] I take pride in my work…just not this work.

[alwaysaiden-blog]

What work do you take pride in? [raises an eyebrow]

[angelinadilaurentis]

Oh yeah.. I know.. [blinks] Downtown… [looks back up at him] How’ve you been? What’s up? Anything new? [rest her head on the table]

[alwaysaiden-blog]

[blinks] Downtown? What have you been doing downtown?