’ The rules of hair care are simple and finite. ’
’ Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. ’
’ Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands/wives, they just don’t. ’
’ Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed. ’
’ There’s nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy’s plastic. ’
’ My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your… ’
’ I don’t need back-ups. I’m going to Harvard. ’
’ Well then, you’ll need excellent recommendations from your professors. ’
’ Trust me, I can handle anything. ’
’ Why are you going to throw that all away? ’
’ Oh, sweetheart, you don’t need law school. ’
’ I’m going to get the love of my life back. ’
’ I just liked to watch him/her change the filter. ’
’ Did you see him/her? He’s/she’s probably still scratching his/her head. ’
’ I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. ’
’ I can’t believe you just called me a butthead. ’
’ I don’t think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade. ’
’ Why didn’t you call me? ’
’ Uh. I’m sorry. I just hallucinated. ’
’ Excuse me. ’
’ I’m sorry? ’
’ You got into Harvard Law? ’
’ What? Like it’s hard? ’
’ Pooh bear, just get in the car. ’
’ You’re gonna ruin your shoes. ’
’ Sorry for what? ’
’ Well this is so much better than that! ’
’ Excuse me, I have some shopping to do. ’
’ So, when did you wanna go out? ’
’ We spent a beautiful night together and I haven’t heard from you since. ’
’ Well, forget it. I’ve spent too much time crying over you. ’
’ Because I’m not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I’m white trash? ’
’ You’re breaking up with me because I’m too… blonde? ’
’ I’m a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass. ’
’ Well, no. That’s not entirely true… ’
’ Then what? My boobs are too big? ’
’ So what’s a girl/boy to do? ’
’ What? Practically deformed? ’
’ This is what I need to become. ’
’ Don’t stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey. ’
’ I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home. ’
’ We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren’t a good look for her. ’
’ Objection, why is this relevant? ’
’ I have a point, I promise. ’
’ I suspect you weren’t because your curls are still intact. ’
’ How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age? ’
’ If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life… you’re not the girl I thought you were. ’
’ Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time! ’
’ All those opposed to chafing, please say “Aye”. ’
’ How was your first class? ’
’ All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs. ’
’ So, if you don’t know an answer they’re just gonna kick you out. ’
’ Hey, well, don’t you look like a walking felony. ’
’ There’s like a judge and everything… and jury people. ’
’ Is that the only interaction you two have ever had? ’
’ No! Sometimes I say “okay” instead of “fine.” ’
’ Excuse me, I’m sorry… are you here to see me? ’
’ I promised her, and I can’t break the bonds of sisterhood. ’
’ This is a murder investigation! Not some scandal at the sorority house! ’
’ Geez! Could I be any more goddamn spastic? ’
’ Are you one of my lawyers? ’
’ You’ve just won your case. ’
’ Well thank God one of you has a brain. ’
’ If anyone found out about this, I would be ruined! ’
’ I would rather go to jail than to lose my reputation! ’
’ Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. ’
’ No more boring suits or pantyhose, I’m trying to be somebody I’m not. ’
’ I think it gives it a little something extra, don’t you think? ’
’ I know, I thought that was very… classy of you. ’
’ This is gonna be just like senior year, except for funner! ’
’ I’m never going to be good enough for you, am I? ’
