Roots Intertwined
Hi! I’m absolutely honored to have had such a wonderful artist to work with in @mysme-rbb : Loli! Their art style is spectacular and it is a perfect visual for the story below. Check out Loli’s Instagram HERE! ^^
Note: I posted this before, but accidentally pressed the wrong button and deleted the original post. If you could leave a note to build it back up to what it was, that would be lovely!
Warnings: some implied reference to neglect and abuse, spoilers for Rika’s Behind Story, religion
Finally. A moment alone with my thoughts. That was rare.
As quiet and serene the ancient walls of the cathedral were, it was rare to find a moment of peace.
Perhaps “peace” is a loose term. Peace can be defined in countless ways, flexible from person to person. One thing is universal – everyone gets peace of mind from security, from support, from compassion. Peace of mind is one thing, but surviving is entirely different. Too much security is dangerous.
I had learned that early on. No matter what happens - or whoever enters my life - that mindset will always be with me. It protects me. That is the only thing I know for sure in this world.
V tells me that he is my security, the one I can trust, the one I can love - my Sun.
V tells me he will help me rid of the darkness in my mind.
I want to believe him. I want to trust him. I want to love him as much as he loves me. I want to be worthy enough for the handsome, sentimental man that had so sincerely promised his life to me.
A part of me wants to embrace the darkness that I pushed away for so long. Is that so wrong?
The all-too-familiar feeling of dread washed over me. I suddenly saw Mina, curled up on a church pew. The screeching voice of Mother - of the Pastor - berading every thought that could have spun the flashback away.
“This is just a ritual to cleanse the devil from you-”
“Serena, you’re possessed by Satan-”
“This thing will spread its germs! Dear Lord, smite this fiend out of this place-”
“Begone!”
“Satan!”
“I need your help, good people of God!”
A small, trembling hand reached to point at the Preacher, tears streaming.
“Amen, amen...”
Though a million different phrases raced through young Mina’s mind, nothing dared escape her lips. Mina was silenced. Serena was silenced.
“Lord, protect us from this Satan!”
I was silenced.
“Do something about her! The Satan might reach out to us, too...!”
“Get her! Now!”
Silenced. Restrained. Helpless.
Slowly - painfully - the image of Mina soon began to shift. Mina’s emerald doe eyes faded into vibrant golden ones, filled with the same amount of helplessness. Her wavy blonde hair faded into a tousle of red.
“...Miss Rika?” A soft, mouse-like voice snapped me out of the nightmare.
Saeran.
I knew how to recover quickly from these episodes. I learned how to don a mask of innocence and happiness for the rest of the world, at the flip of a coin.
Saeran needed someone who was stable - someone who could be his rock. Just like V was for me. I had to be that for Saeran no matter what. I could never abandon him.
“Hello, Saeran.” My once-dazed expression melted into a smile as he ran to meet me on the bench in the prayer garden that had become my escape.
“I’ve missed you, Miss Rika! So, so so much!” Saeran nearly tackled me into an embrace that I returned warmly.
“V and I have missed you just as much!” I heard my own voice chime out, the smile on my lips genuine now as the lingering dread washed away.
“...You did?” Saeran pulled away from the hug, his head tilting to the side. His eyes were just as doe-like as Mina’s. The same innocence - and fragility - she had once had was evident in him, too.
“Of course we did. How could we not miss such a goofball like yourself?” I rustled his hair, a light-hearted giggle escaping the young boy’s lips. The small peal of laughter was soon interrupted by a sudden expression of uncertainty.
“A ‘goof-ball’... Is that a bad thing?” Saeran enunciated each syllable of this new word, unsure of himself. My own expression shifted as I could sense a new anxiety in the young boy. One that was very familiar.
“A bad thing? No, absolutely not. Being a goofball is one of the best things to be, Saeran. It’s a good thing.” My voice was reassuring, almost motherly.
“A good thing... Hm.” I could see the cogwheels turning through Saeran’s mind after he spoke, and then - “Mother says I will never be anything close to good.”
Tears began to form in Saeran’s eyes but it was obvious he was trying his best to hold it all in. It seemed like he had experience with holding in that emotion. Just like Mina.
“Saeran…” I watched as he struggled to keep an unbothered expression.
He was fighting hard.
His thoughts were so obviously spiraling.
“...Saeran… You don’t have to hide any of those emotions from me. Okay?”
Saeran’s expression remained as stone-cold as he could muster. His eyes glared back at me with bewilderment. It was as if he’d never heard reassurance like this from anyone.
I figured that was accurate, from the way little Saeyoung had spoken of their mother. There was obviously a reason he never talked about her.
Without another word between us, I enveloped Saeran into a nurturing embrace.
As if a burden had been lifted, he sunk into my arms - effortlessly, as if he had belonged there.
His heaving sobs were silenced as he buried his head in the ruffles of my dress. His breathing soon became hitched - broken - gasping for air.
I could only hold him tight, and comfort him as best as I could. That was the least I could do for this poor child.
Soon, the gasps turned into hyperventilation.
“Saeran, darling - Breathe…” I spoke tenderly, in the most comforting voice I could muster.
His breaths were still fast - too fast. “You are safe here with V and I. You are safe with me… Please, just breathe…”
Slowly, but surely - painfully - Saeran’s breaths began to calm.
“That’s it - just keep breathing… Three counts in, three counts out…” I recalled the breathing strategy V had coached me through countless times. Saeran followed my advice, and soon his breathing pace settled further.
I held Saeran close, like I always wished my mother had. I held him tight. I wanted to protect this child from this world. Even if it meant sacrificing myself.
“...Can you talk to me, Saeran? Tell me what’s swirling through those thoughts of yours.” I asked gently, taking care not to overstep and push him away.
In response, Saeran pulled away from the embrace, staying close but retracting in by wrapping his arms fully around his small torso.
The young boy’s sniffles were the only sound other than the birds chirping in the near distance.
A look of deliberation - of hesitancy - suddenly appeared on Saeran’s face. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his torn, thin shirt. A bony wrist moved to roll up both pant legs to reveal two raw, red bruises around his ankles.
A sharp gasp instinctually escaped my lips at the sight.
Though I kept it hidden, rage for the monster that shackled this poor child boiled up inside.
“It hurts…” Saeran whimpered, his voice barely a whisper. The tears trailed down his cheeks silently.
“Your mother did this to you…?”
A sharp nod in response.
“A mother should never treat their child that way.” My voice was suddenly colored with a new darkness.
“...Why does she?” The young voice chirped, pining for an answer. That was an answer I wanted to figure out for myself. I could hardly fathom how anyone could even think of hurting such a weak, broken child.
A child who needed someone to help him survive in this world.
“Some people in this world are evil, Saeran. Unfortunately, your mother is one of them.” I spoke in a calculated, composed tone. There was no need to let my true emotions out.
“‘E-vil…’ Is that something bad?” Another inquisitive chirp.
I nodded in response before taking his small hand in my own. At first, he flinched at the touch - but soon relaxed.
“...But you know what? I know how to spot the evil people in this world.”
“You can…?”
“Yep, I can. It’s my super power.”
“Wow, really?”
“Well, not really. But I’ve never been wrong about a person, ever.” A laugh escaped my lips before my expression shifted to that of true sincerity. “...I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to protect you from her. I will always protect you, Saeran.”
“...Why me?”
I considered this for a moment. I had to gain his trust. I had to be careful. One misspoken word, and I could lose everything.
“Believe it or not, you and I are actually quite similar, Saeran.” I wiped a tear from Saeran’s cheek and realized he was entranced at my words. My eyes searched the ground, settling upon a burst of yellow just beyond the shadows of the bench. Reaching down, I deftly picked it from its shady haven.
“...You and I are like this daffodil. Fragile, beautiful, sprouting even from the darkness.” I spun the stem in between my fingers. “...This daffodil needs someone to take care of it. Someone who will protect it. Someone who will help keep it alive.”
I took a moment to phrase my words - cautiously.
“I will be that someone for you, Saeran. Will you let me be?” I handed the delicate flower ever-so-carefully to Saeran. He twirled the stem in between his fingers, his expression colored with new melancholy.
“You… really want to protect me?” Hesitant curiosity coloured the child’s voice now.
“Of course I do,” I continued, “I’ll care for you, protect you, and help you survive in this world, Saeran.”
Saeran blinked in an almost disbelief, a tear trailing slowly down his cheek. That disbelief melted into a hopeful smile.
That was the smile of a child who was fit for the Paradise I had been dreaming of.
“...Okay.” Saeran’s gaze flickered back towards me, his golden eyes as doe-like as ever. He twirled the stem giddily in between his fingers.
Saeran was the daffodil - as delicate and fresh as the tiny flower he held so carefully. I will do everything in my power to keep him from being crushed, from being choked out by the weeds he would inevitably find himself ensnared in.
No weeds would ever dare ensnare anyone I deemed fit for my Paradise.
