Send an ask with a request or prompt and I'll write it for you! Also open for discussing headcanons! http://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayssunnyprompts
I just want whatās best for you and to make sure you are happy, I love you so muchā¦ Like a good friend would love another good friend. Not in a gay way. (Even though I am gay. Actually, I am very very gay. But not for you necessarily; I just appreciate a lot of your qualities as a man.)
Heās lying on his back in Macās bed, and the weight of the universe seems to be pushing down on his chest. Like his body is the only thing stopping the sky from crumbling, crashing down into the earth.Ā
Dennis tries to avoid making eye contact with Mac as much as he can, but his energy is palpable, his arm pressed up against Dennisā, his eyes warm and kind, crinkled up into the gentle expression that Dennis sees far too much these days.Ā
Heās eagerness and excitement and something else entirely, something too thunderous and precious and dangerous to name and suddenly everything is too small, too closed in, too tight to hold it all.Ā
Heās lying on his back in Macās bed, and the weight of the universe seems to be pushing down on his chest. Like his body is the only thing stopping the sky from crumbling, crashing down into the earth.Ā
Dennis tries to avoid making eye contact with Mac as much as he can, but his energy is palpable, his arm pressed up against Dennisā, his eyes warm and kind, crinkled up into the gentle expression that Dennis sees far too much these days.Ā
Heās eagerness and excitement and something else entirely, something too thunderous and precious and dangerous to name and suddenly everything is too small, too closed in, too tight to hold it all.Ā
Dennis feels too small for it, too.
The pressure of Macās arm almost hurts, the contact simultaneously awakening and shutting down every inch of him. His eyes flick over to Mac for a split second and something explodes in him, and he needs to snuff it out.Ā
He shifts his hips uncomfortably and his skin starts to prickle as his body is overcome with the restless need to move, to escape. The sense of claustrophobia is closing in, the pressure so dense and heavy and he needs to do something or heāll scream. But everything in him is so tangled and dark and confused that he barely even knows what heās feeling.Ā
So when he starts talking, he doesnāt really know where itās coming from. What heās talking about. His mouth quivers.Ā
āW-what is this, man? What are we doing? I-I donāt wanna do this anymore, can we stop?ā The words tumble out like one rushed sentence and once theyāre free he doesnāt know if he regrets breaking the silence. But theyāre...quiet. Honest. More honest than anything heās said in a long time.Ā
Macās smile fades.Ā
āHuh?ā
Dennis breathes heavily, trying not to panic at the wound heās opened within himself. The vulnerability disgusts him, makes his head spin and his brain feel like itās swallowing him whole. Itās so deeply wrong. Violent. Raw. Overwhelming.Ā
āNo, no, we canāt stop now! Weāre right on track.ā Macās voice is so soft and caring that Dennis wants to rip his hair out. His body is ablaze with the need to act out.Ā
Why is Mac pushing him? Why is he being so...supportive? It doesnāt make sense.Ā
And maybe he doesnāt just mean the scheme. This whole situation feels off. An achingly familiar feeling of detachment washes over him. This doesnāt feel right at all. Heās struck, suddenly, with the realization that thisātrying so hard for what essentially amounted to a one-night stand with a woman he couldnāt give a shit about if he triedādoesnāt feel right anymore. In fact, he doesnāt feel much of anything anymore, and none of the old vicesāsex, drugs, alcoholāquite fill the void like they used to. Maybe the void has gotten bigger, deeper, more inescapable. Maybe giving in is inevitable, but he canāt find it in himself to care.
Heās just...exhausted. Absolutely exhausted.Ā
āI donāt know, man. I just...it just feels like a lot of effort. If feels desperate, you know what I mean? Like...I never put this much work into banging some cute meat.āĀ
Itās not a lie so much as itās a twisting of the facts. Truthfully, the effort heād put into D.E.N.N.I.S-ing countless women hadnāt felt like effort, hadnāt felt hard, hadnāt seemed nearly impossible and grueling because, at the time, heād convinced himself thatās what he wanted. And maybe he had wanted it. At the very least, he thought he did. But none of it ever filled the hole in him, just quieted down the echo of its emptiness for a short time. Now, even the thought of trying to impress some random woman is torturous. It feels forced, it feels meaningless. After all, he isnāt going to spend his life with any of them, that much is clear.Ā
He hears Mac shift on the bed, moving to sit up, confusion in his voice.Ā
āCute meat?āĀ
A flush of embarrassment heats Dennisā face, pulls him back from the edge for a moment.Ā
āāCute meat,āā he fires back immediately, trying to keep it light. āThat was your phrase.āĀ
āNo, Dennis. āMeet-Cute.āāĀ
āIt has a name, Mac. Its name is Lisa.āĀ
He tries to humanize her, but even that comes out flat. He thinks that maybe saying her name will drum up some feelings, awaken some long-dormant drive, but it doesnāt. He feels nothing for this woman. And she has a husband, who is staying in their home. There are so many facets of Macās plan that have fallen apart that itās hardly a scheme anymore. Theyāre just renting out his room to a nice couple for some cash. Anything else is a pipe dream. The hope of him finding love with this woman is a fantasy at best. Upsettingly, he is deeply relieved by the thought, a considerable weight lifting from his chest.Ā
Mac grins, and a place deep inside of Dennis thaws. He hates how reactive his body is to Mac sometimes, how Mac seems to instinctively know how to smooth his jagged edges. He isnāt even trying to. He just does. Dennis isnāt even sure Mac is conscious that he has this power. In fact, heās positive he isnāt. Mac is nothing if not absolute garbage at interpreting other peopleās feelings. Yet, even through his obliviousness, heās blindingly bright in all of the ways Dennis needs him to be, in all of the ways he hates and reveres and tries desperately to ignore.Ā
So when Dee knocks and shatters the moment with her squawking, he jumps at the opportunity to remove himself from this situation. His mind is already calming down, his heart rate slowing to a more normal rhythm. As he curls up on the couch, comfortably cool and finally, blessedly,Ā alone, he finds himself wondering, for just a second, what it would have been like to wake up with Macās arms around him.Ā
Mac winks at him. A dramatic and childish gesture, but sends Dennisā stomach plummeting. He feels his practiced disgust for only a second before the feeling morphs and flutters back into his chest, igniting there. Its pleasantness is undeniable. He smiles. Itās hesitant and small and mostly unintentional, but itās happened before he can force himself not to. Heād missed this, this flow with Mac. Their easy rhythm. Everything can feel so easy with him, so manageable. It feels like coming home. He blinks, adjusts his face, and pulls the feelings back before they become too obvious. Thank God Mac has turned away from him, leaning towards his bedroom door.Ā
āNow, the plan is in motion for you.ā
āWoah, woah, woah. What do you mean the plan is in motion for me? I thought I was out.ā He wishes his hands would stop shaking, itās very distracting. The surface of his coffee ripples and sways, betraying the movement. He shoves a hand in his pocket, forcing the other to grip the mug tighter.Ā
āRemember when we were saying that the female romantic lead would never cheat?ā
āUh-huh,ā he responds, needing an explanation immediately. He tries to take a deep breath but it comes out as a forceful huff, and he definitely doesnāt feel any better.Ā
āWell, I overheard Lisa saying to Greg that she, āMisses Teddy.ā Huh? Why would she tell Greg that she misses the guy she cheated with?ā He lets the information sink in for less than half a second before continuing, āUnless, she didnāt cheat on him with Teddy. Maybe Teddy is a platonic friend from high school that makes Greg jealous.ā
Dennis feels his face heating up, takes a small sip of coffee to try and ground himself.Ā
āDonāt you know what this means? Lisa is still a romantic lead, which means?ā
Heās staring at Dennis expectantly.Ā
He realizes that Mac has cued him up to answer the question. Everything in him is screaming stop. It takes a Herculean effort for him not to actually scream, biting his tongue in an attempt to use the pain to distract from the urge.Ā
Mac is smiling.
Dennis feels sick. His head is pounding furiously, his heart joining in on the relentless rhythm. His palms are sweaty. He wants to be left alone, but absolutely cannot be alone right now. He wants to yell at Mac but he doesnāt want Mac out of his sight and heās just so tired. The wildfire in his chest is kept from destroying him only by the wave of numb indifference blanketing his body.Ā
But Mac is smiling.Ā
He already knows the answer, but he needs to say it.Ā
āIām still your leading man.āĀ
A death sentence from his very own lips.
He wants to go to sleep.
āYeah!āĀ
He glances at Mac, tearing his eyes away as quickly as he can. The hole inside him is cavernous. Any semblance of peace heād found in abandoning the scheme shatters. Dull, cold dread settles in the pit of his stomach, and in a hazy sort of hysteria he imagines what would happen if he actually did vomit on the rug, right here, right now. Mac would probably take care of him. The thought soothes and sickens him in equal measure.Ā
āNow this is your moment, Mac,ā he whispers urgently. āJust remember, speak from the heart. Sweep him off his feet.āĀ
He feels nervous. Why does he feel nervous? Heās barely involved in this plan, all he has to do is control the music. He can do that. Itās one button.Ā
Maybe they should have rehearsed or something. Greg didnāt need to be here at all for that. In fact, his patience has worn thin concerning this whole thing, and he just wants them out of his home. He could coach Mac through a romantic speech just as easily without them around to intrude. And as Mac starts talking, Dennis wishes that Greg would just leave. He doesnāt deserve to hear this.Ā
The sudden urge to cut out the middleman stops him in his tracks, and he becomes acutely aware of the situation he finds himself in. He feels too conscious of everything, the pressure of the air on his skin, the rough hems of his shirtsleeve on his forearms, the edge of the counter against his back. He is standing in the kitchen of his apartment, of their apartment, listening to Mac profess his love to a perfect stranger. A man that means nothing to him. A man that doesnāt even know him at all.Ā
He should feel more jealous than he does.
Itās a realization that he doesn't the mental energy to process, so he shoves it down.Ā
What distracts him from the treacherous thoughts, from the heated fire of jealousy, are the gentle waves of contentment washing over him as he listens to Mac speak, loud and passionate and ridiculous. His eyes slide shut for a few seconds and lets the words warm him, lets them echo through him. Imagines that he and Mac are alone, like theyāve always beenāthe Dynamic Duo, the two of them against the world. The evening would be golden and hazy, they'd be a little too drunk and way too close together on the couch. Macās words would be hushed, and heād hang on to every lilt, every pause, every soft giggle as Mac inched closer, closing what infinitesimal space was left between them. He would finally feel held, finally feel at peace, a little less breakable, a little more fragile.Ā
Heās dangerously lost in the fantasy, and heās just about to force himself out whenā
āTeddy was our son.ā
āHe died of leukemia.ā
The music.Ā
āOh, you know what, let meāā
He feels half asleep as he scrambles for the CD player, and shit, his hands aren't cooperating, and his brain is partly stuck on Macās words and partly stuck on dead kid, and he compromises by skipping through the rest of the playlist before slamming the pause button.Ā
āS-sorry. I donāt have aāuhādead kid appropriateā¦ā
Jesus Christ. The gravity of the situation still isnāt hitting. Heās stuck in the limbo of the emotional whiplash he just experienced, and thank god Mac is here, because he could not handle the rest of the conversation. Heās speaking, but his mind is somewhere else.Ā
āI guess weāre not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all,ā Mac says, and something about that breaks through to him.Ā
He hates this. Heās been miserable for days as he humored Macās plan, trying to make him happy, to distract him. Maybe this was how Mac felt all the times he's tried to cater to his every whim. Itās exhausting.Ā
āMac?āĀ
He tries not to let his voice tremble.
Mac approaches him, concern on his face.
āIām sorry, Dennis. We can try again, find a different woman, make sure sheās single this time! I can change the plan and itāll be good as new, you know Iām very adaptableāā
āMac.āĀ
āYeah?ā He perks up, a tiny, involuntary smile playing on his lips. Macās smiles have a way of reaching his eyes no matter how small or quick, no trace of insincerity or forced emotion no matter how hard Dennis searched his face. Dennis has spent hours of his life seeing Mac smile, and not once has it seemed disingenuous. Itās almost admirable.Ā
The smile fades though, back into Macās most common expression around himāloving concern, a touch of confusion. Heās taken too long to respond.Ā
āI donāt... I donāt want that. You donāt need to keepāā his voice is thick with emotion, his throat feels raw and tight. He just wants Mac to hear him. He doesnāt want to have to say it.Ā
āYou okay, man?āĀ
Something about the question ignites his anger. How does Mac not understand? How can he be so oblivious to how heās feeling? He is not okay. Everything feels so loud, so strong, that its unthinkable that someone wouldnāt notice. He should stop, he should close his mouth and go to his room and try not to be too loud when he breaks down. But his mouth is moving ahead of his brain.Ā
āNo, Mac. Iām not.ā
The words carry a weight that hangs heavy over the room. Theyāve been true for so long that he doesnāt even feel better for finally saying them.Ā
Macās face fills with glossy-eyed worry, his hand reaching out instinctively, maybe with the intention of checking his temperature, maybe just to rest on his shoulder, but he thinks better of it. Macās expression urges him to continue.Ā
āL-look...you said you had that...that thing inside of you. Remember?ā
He nods, squinting.
āWell...with me itāsāā he breathes heavily, āitās different. Iām empty. I have this...hole inside of me that I canāt fill. And itās so deep that it aches.ā
āMaybeāāĀ
Ā āIām not like you, Mac.ā There isnāt any hostility in his voice. Heās too tired.Ā Ā
āWell...maybe the thing inside of me can fill the thing inside of you.āĀ
Everything is suspended in a thick layer of silence and time seems to wind to a stop.
Mac steps forward. Dennis flinches, but doesnāt run away. Macās leaning towards him and his fight or flight isnāt kicking in. Something is wrong, but it isnāt. His stomach is turning and his heart is racing and he thinks he might pass out.Ā Mac presses his lips to Dennisā, and something unlocks in him. He canāt control himself, canāt help but melt under Macās touch.Ā
āFuck you,ā he breathes into Macās mouth. āFuck you.āĀ
I just want to talk about how The Gang Chokes focused on an aspect of Dennisā character that is really interesting to me, that I love to explore and the show doesnāt touch on it too much. I think itās no secret that Dennis āI could stand to be wooedā Reynolds desperately wants somebody to love him. But itās more than thatāhe doesnāt actually want blind worship, as earlier seasons and the āGolden Godā persona he puts on would lead people to believe. He wants someone who knows him, who will protect him and take care of him, and not be afraid to challenge him. He wants to finally be free of the burden of making every single decision for himself and Mac, which heās been doing for years. He wants to finally be able to let his guard down. Heās tired.
So when he says āYouāre proving yourself to me in all the wrong ways,ā he means just that. He wants to know someone will be looking out for his best interest even if he tells them not to. Because heās constantly pushing back at things that would make him happier, healthier, more stable. He builds emotional walls and he wants someone to care enough to try to break past them. He knows Mac can be that person, but itās been so long and Dennis is so sick of Mac bending to his every whim. Yes, he wants to be taken care of, he wants to be bossed around, but, ultimately, he wants someone who his his equal, who isnāt afraid to be assertive and prove that he is willing to go beyond the surface-level (and past all of Dennisā intricately constructed lies) to see the real him. Dennis, who has a real problem with trust and vulnerability, desperately wants to be able to trust and depend on Mac, and by the end of the episode, he knows he can.
vaporwave
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
pixelskylines
