Alex | Chicago

A 10+ yr old blog that kept track of my FTM transition, moments that made me laugh, random love notes to others, and a lot of emo posts scattered throughout. I don't know what it is now. HRT: 3/26/2012.

[alxndrmrtnz]

Thinking of you and how the walls are pink from the light you turned on for me.

[alxndrmrtnz]

A desire is only sweet for so long.

[alxndrmrtnz]

Facial hair has come a long way since my last update. Patience and time did me some good.

[alxndrmrtnz]

#gpoy

[alxndrmrtnz]

Family looks different in 2022

[alxndrmrtnz]

We got a new bed

[alxndrmrtnz]

I feel heavy in my bed but in a good way

[alxndrmrtnz]

Practicing being the subject which typically involves a blunt in my hand ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We all have safety blankets

Also eye patches because I desire to not look tired for once in my life

[alxndrmrtnz]

Could it be a comeback?

My last post was 5 years ago. I logged in with intentions of logging back out quite quickly, however, it didn’t go as planned. All I wanted to do was reset my password because I like to keep it current for memory’s sake.

Frequent talk of my past has happened recently, specifically about my life during the days of my avid tumbling, online relationships, and the inner workings of my emotional being.

I updated my “avatar” as they call it now, my description, and the theme. Which by the way, the theme situation is bogus now, but then I reminded myself that I truthfully don’t care about the appearance of it how I used to. It’s wild how easily we can be triggered back into an old frame of mind.

I don’t really know why I’m here except that I felt a strong urge to blog for myself. I used to spend so much more time alone, reflecting and putting it into my tumblr or journal. Time alone has been a rare commodity since marrying in 2015 and starting a brick-and-mortar business in 2020.

However, I’ve had more pockets of time alone the past couple months, such as right now, and that is how I ended up here.

[8-bitfiction]

[8-bitfiction]

[benlovesdogs]

[alxndrmrtnz]

Mine and Ben's bachelor pad

[benlovesdogs]

Happy new year - ben and alex

[fyp-psychology]

Creativity begins with an affinity for something. It’s like falling in love.

Howard Gardner  (via thatkindofwoman)

[alxndrmrtnz]

Thank GOD for puberty. Not even sure when that pic on the left was taken. Maybe year 2 on t. I'm never on tumblr anymore, but this was just too good not to share. It made me feel really good about how far I've come and the struggles I've wrestled to the ground.

[alxndrmrtnz]

Asking everyone: what would you tell your 13 year old self if you knew what you know now about yourself?

Keep doin what you're doin, you're doin just fine, kid.

[alxndrmrtnz]

I can’t remember the last time I used tumblr on my laptop, but here I am. This is weird. Sometimes I miss having this space to call mine and feel like I could say whatever the hell I want, but what’s also nice is that I don’t really need it how I used to. My mind is a lot quieter now. Still not hearing the crickets that I used to wish for, but now I’ve realized why would I want crickets? The background noise can be kind of nice.