All the feels.

If equilibrium comes from within, I write for the spaces inbetween balance.

[amandavdub-blog]

Well I guess we got our hopes up about getting to know you but not interested in meeting a hacker lol. Good luck to you

Instagram is safe! @_amandavdub

[amandavdub-blog]

Why did you remove all your new content?

I believe my account was hacked. My instagram will be the best place to connect with me as I decided to take a sabbatical from social media. @_amandavdub

[amandavdub-blog]

I had a dream last night..

Carmine and I were sitting across from one another.

Looking at each other, I noticed a piece of paper.

The poem written on it was from him to me...

I see you there staring at me.

I look back at you.

In this moment I know,

You are lost.

[the-book-diaries]

Sex is just another form of talk, where you act the words instead of saying them.

D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover (via the-book-diaries)

This.

[amandavdub-blog]

My heart is racing,

The beat stampeding.

Cant sit still, so I’ll write.

I’d like to practice right now.

Everything feels in knots,

...like I need to vomit.

Rid myself of the excess.

Drop the weight,

Transition through.

The pen is moving

A million words a minute.

Making sense is irrelevant.

Just move, just write.

Just fucking do it.

[amandavdub-blog]

Mental clarity... something thought synonymous with yoga. Definitely the goal of, pursued by those who are lacking. I am no exception to this rule. Mental clarity... something ideal and ever elusive. It’s not computational propaganda, it’s possible, very possible. We can all get there. Mental clarity... something requiring self reflection, tenacity and discipline.

[amandavdub-blog]

“Some things,

Once you’ve loved them,

Become yours forever.

And if you try to let them go,

They only circle back and return to you.

They become part of who you are,

...Or they destroy you.”

[the-book-diaries]

I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.

Simon Van Booy, The Illusion of Separateness (via the-book-diaries)

This.

[amandavdub-blog]

Despair

Ever get the urge to just walk out in front of a train?

Maybe the synapses in my brain are misfiring.

But this day-to-day life is ever trying.

Crying, I collapse in my hands.

Optimism just a thin strand,

Try as I may to broaden the band.

Then I relapse.

Trapped in macabre fairy tale land.

[amandavdub-blog]

Be Careful, You are not in Wonderland. I have heard the strange madness Long growing in your soul. But you are fortunate, In your ignorance, In your isolation, You who have suffered. Find where love hides. Give. Share. Lose. Lest we die unbloomed.

[the-book-diaries]

She imagines him imagining her. This is her salvation.

Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin (via the-book-diaries)

This.<3

[r-r-j-deactivated20240404]

Some days, my heart is a stone, so heavy and cold. When I wake, tears flow;  they glisten like diamonds  in the pale morning light.

R. Jacob (via r-jacob)

🙌🏼

[amandavdub-blog]

Motherly Love

You told me it was the path to enlightenment. 

All I had to do was repent. 

That you, this omnipresent entity, 

Could surely be, my all encompassing savior.

You wanted me on my best behavior:

"No talking back", 

Your strap, 

 Holstered & ever at the ready.

Steady...

"Don't shift outside the lines. 

To this house, you are confined." 

A hell personalized, and mine all mine.

"Monotonous chores, 

Done consistently, 

Is how you will please me"

Your 'treaty', set forth.

A star in the north, 

My solitary symbol of hope. 

Not even the Pope, 

A man of devout faith, 

Could emulate, a prayer 

As vehement my own, for escape.

Motherly affection held at arms length. 

Lacking will and strength, 

I snake, back to you. 

Ever in pursuit, 

Of a love sincere, 

And remotely true.