Everyone has secrets.

Hello there! The name's Amber. Amber strain, maid for Gwen if you need to know specifics. I live in Camelot, though i do most of my thinking out in the woods. I'm seventeen now. Think i'm done being a kid? Think again. I have plenty more fun filled childhood years ahead of me. I stop being a kid until I say so...which will of course be never. I do have some tips for you for dealing with me. Never bring up my parents. It is none of your business if they are dead or not, if they abandoned me or not. You don't need to know why or how it came to be that i don't have any parents. Another thing: Don't pretend you're the greatest thing God has ever created. It's really annoying and our relationship most likely will not ride smoothly if you act like an arrogant jerk. Other than that, I'm pretty darn nice. . ( merlin oc roleplaying blog. will roleplay with any one and any fandom fc: Holland Roden )

[amber-strain]

everyone unfollow me and follow this blog

Hello there! The name's Amber. Amber strain, maid for Gwen if you need to know specifics. I live in...

[amber-strain]

She shrugged. “I survive,” she said softly. She tilted her head and just watched Morgana get the herbs. Perhaps she was just misunderstood…perhaps she wasn’t evil at all. Could it be she just wanted some company? But then of course she would have just asked in the first place. Wouldn’t she?

[morganapendragonlefay]

The Forbidden fruit tastes the Sweetest.: amber-strain: She sat in the chair and began tapping the arm rest, not...

Survival... She knew that answer all too well. Sometimes it felt like all she'd been doing was surviving for the past couple of years. Her reputation gave the her the imagine of someone always plotting, always planning... Scorching the ground she walked on; leaving nothing in her wake but ashes...

... And yet reality was much more mundane. Those infamous moments were few and far in between... And the rest of her life consisted of survival. Harsh, bare-to-the-bones, survival. 

And that would change.

Morgana turned on her heel and stalked back to the table, sliding the bowl of broiled vegetables and rye bread over to the girl. It was a humble meal at best, but it would have to suffice.

[amber-strain]

She smiled lightly at the food as she picked up the spoon to eat the vegetables. She took about a half of a spoonful of the vegetables and nearly burnt her tongue. gotta let that cool off a bit... She looked up at morgana slowly, with a faint smile. "Thank you." She picked up the bread to take a few bites of it. Her smile grew wider. she hadn't eaten all day. Anything was delicious. 

She just didn't understand. Why was  Morgana being..so well....nice? After all that she had heard about Morgana she figured that she was just horrible. She didn't get it. The food seemed fine, not like it was poisoned. Just...why? 

[amber-strain]

[amber-strain]

Se sighed and stood up. “Not really actually,” she said, obviously lying. She was starved. She was basically all skin and bones….it was ridicules how thin she looked.

"Besides I doubt you know how to prepare a meal."

[morganapendragonlefay]

"Always the tone of disdain!" Morgana tutted sarcastically, walking around the girl before going to another rickety cabinet beside the wooden cupboard. She pulled out some herbs and spices and busied herself, while keeping an eye on the girl. "You don’t look very well fed to me." Morgana said, finding herself thinking of a manservant who had also always looked fairly sharp around the edges… She turned her mind to other things before the inevitable trip down memory lane.

[amber-strain]

She shrugged. "I survive," she said softly. She tilted her head and just watched Morgana get the herbs. Perhaps she was just misunderstood...perhaps she wasn't evil at all. Could it be she just wanted some company? But then of course she would have just asked in the first place. Wouldn't she?

[amber-strain]

She shook her head. “Not particularly. Just out for a walk you know?”

[bonesweets]

"A lot to think of, huh?" He smiled. "Wanna talk?"

[amber-strain]

She arched an eyebrow. “What are you some sort of psychiatrist?” She shook her head. “But no im alright”

[bonesweets]

"Yes, actually I’m a psychologist." He smiled and nodded. "Okay, if you say so." He knew she would’ve talked sooner or later.

[amber-strain]

"Alright well I'm not a fan of psychology so if you excuse me," she began to step around him. "besides you must have better things to be doing." 

[amber-strain]

"Im kidding, Sawyer.." She laughed softly into the phone and laid on her pillow. "So see you in a bit?"

[seven-as-one]

He laughed softly back,”Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit, Sweetheart,” he said and hung up after her goodbye. He went to the counter and ordered her a ten piece nugget meal with a large sprite. He ordered a boys’ ninja turtle toy, although it costed him an extra five dollars, he thought it would be a funny joke. He smiled as he paid for it and took the bags to the car, heading back for the hospital.

[amber-strain]

She put the phone on the night stand and just laid in the bed. Was it bad that she wouldn't be surprised if he actually took her seriously? She chuckled to herself like a fool. Just the thought cracked her up. A little while has past, and Sawyer came in the door. "Why hello" 

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

closed || amber-strain

[amber-strain]

Her eyes widened as the corners of her mouth turned up, forming a smile. “You’re the princess!” She curtsied and could feel her cheeks turn red. “My apologize!” 

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

     ”Your apologies indeed.” She nodded. “Ariel. You’ve got a name as well, I assume? Or have you forgotten it along with your manners in wherever it is that you come from?”

[amber-strain]

She shook her head. "No no it's Amber." She smiled lightly. She had been told to always he polite to the royalty but wow she hated it. She wished she could just shove this women down a ditch and then make her climb out. Why? Well she just simply annoyed her. She obviously thought she was a goddess.

[amber-strain]

She blinked. “Why should I tell you?” She questioned “what are your intentions with her?”

[notuptothemax]

Well this wasn’t going to plan. Maya sighed. “It’s not important and it doesn’t matter. I just want to talk to her.”

[amber-strain]

"Why...?" She asked slowly with her head tilting upwards slightly. "Why do you want to talk to her?"

[amber-strain]

[amber-strain]

She sat in the chair and began tapping the arm rest, not even realizing she was doing it. “Look I basically live under a rock so i really don’t know anything major that happened,” she said. “And really im not a little girl okay? Im also of no value so just let me go back to my...

[amber-strain]

Se sighed and stood up. "Not really actually," she said, obviously lying. She was starved. She was basically all skin and bones....it was ridicules how thin she looked.

"Besides I doubt you know how to prepare a meal."

[amber-strain]

[amber-strain]

"Aw, cant find what you’re searching for? That’s why organization is key you know." She smirked lightly and crossed her arms. "Well there isnt much to tell. You see Gwen is just a fine queen and Camelot has benefited from her and Arthur. There hasnt been any evil in Camelot. Oh...

[amber-strain]

She sat in the chair and began tapping the arm rest, not even realizing she was doing it. "Look I basically live under a rock so i really don't know anything major that happened," she said. "And really im not a little girl okay? Im also of no value so just let me go back to my home." She then realized how desperate she must have just sounded. She could feel her cheeks turn to a deep shade of red.

[notuptothemax]

[notuptothemax]

"Maya and the fact you’ve made the comparison means you can help." She loosened her grip on the female’s. "Look, I’m not here to scare you, mainly get to Max." She didn’t say why but hoped her explanation was enough.

[amber-strain]

She raised an eyebrow instantly...

[amber-strain]

She blinked. "Why should I tell you?" She questioned "what are your intentions with her?"

[amber-strain]

She smirked. “Im afraid you are mistaken. I do not have magic.”

[long-live-queen-morgana]

Morgana found herself quickly losing her temper. “When will you stop the lying? You and I both know I’m right” she said through her teeth. 

[amber-strain]

"If you knew you were right why are you getting so upset?" She raised an eyebrow as she asked the question.

[notuptothemax]

So where is she? //Amber & Maya

[amber-strain]

Her eyes widened in shock as she was grabbed. It wasn’t much that she was grabbed that frightened her, but who grabbed her was  a real shocker. It almost looked like..max. “Max? What the hell are you doing?” she asked with a hint of terror in her voice. 

[notuptothemax]

"Maya and the fact you’ve made the comparison means you can help." She loosened her grip on the female’s. "Look, I’m not here to scare you, mainly get to Max." She didn’t say why but hoped her explanation was enough.

[amber-strain]

She raised an eyebrow instantly feeling like this girl was a threat to max. "What do you possibly want from her?"

[notuptothemax]

So where is she? //Amber & Maya

It hadn’t been too hard, tracking Max’s friend or whatever she was. Though the relationship between them wasn’t important. What she knew about Max was. Keeping herself out of Amber’s sight she followed the girl.

When Maya thought it was safe she grabbed the girl’s arm and spun her around. “I think you can answer a few questions I have.”

[amber-strain]

Her eyes widened in shock as she was grabbed. It wasn't much that she was grabbed that frightened her, but who grabbed her was  a real shocker. It almost looked like..max. "Max? What the hell are you doing?" she asked with a hint of terror in her voice. 

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

closed || amber-strain

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

Ariel finally released the girls wrist in favor of crossing her arms and regarded her with a look that was a mix between curiosity and annoyance. “You really don’t know who I am, do you? I could have you arrested for this.”

[amber-strain]

"Well judging from your reaction i probably should know who you are should i not? Well I just came here. Sorry it’s not like your the queen of Camelot, I know that much." 

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

"You’re right, I’m not the queen. Yet."

[amber-strain]

Her eyes widened as the corners of her mouth turned up, forming a smile. "You're the princess!" She curtsied and could feel her cheeks turn red. "My apologize!" 

[amber-strain]

She frowned as she shook her head slowly. “No, my lord..” Why was he asking her this? Had he found out what she really was? Oh no this was bad. Very bad.

"I havent heard of any form of magic being practiced in Camelot recently," she said with a swallow, wishing she was a better liar. She had but no choice to lie! He would just chop of her head if she told him the truth…

[sovereignofcamelot-deactivated2]

"Do not lie to me, girl," he hissed angrily, no longer making any effort to hide his true nature. "I can smell it on you.” Stepping closer still, Arthur inhaled deeply, allowing the scent of her hair to fill his nostrils. “You have magic, do you not?” With a self-satisfied smirk, the king began pacing, circling Amber as a predator circles its prey. 

"Tell me. Does the Queen know of your… affliction? Has she been complicit in concealing your secrets?" His tone was light and conversational now; in truth, he was rather enjoying this. For far too long, he had been bound and restricted by the concepts of nobility and honour. And now? Now he was free from all that tedious nonsense. 

[amber-strain]

She stayed still. She was as stiff as a bored. He knew. How? How did he find out? The only people who knew were dead..."No Sire," She said in a soft voice. "She does not..." There was really no point in lying to him. She obviously knew but..but how? She had gotten away with having a mother as a witch, but Uther believed her when she said that she didn't get her magic from her parents, that she never picked up a magic book because she knew that would be a foolish decision on her part. 

The only other person who knew that was still alive was...no. No! Her Aunt couldn't have betrayed her. She haven't seen her aunt in a year, why would she go behind her back and try to get Amber killed? She was still standing still, her heart beating fast. Anyone with ears could hear her heart pounding. 

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

closed || amber-strain

[amber-strain]

She chuckled lightly “I don’t have any mental disorder. It’s not like you are any more of a lady then I am.” she said having no idea who she was actually talking to. 

[arielpendragon-deactivated20131]

Ariel finally released the girls wrist in favor of crossing her arms and regarded her with a look that was a mix between curiosity and annoyance. “You really don’t know who I am, do you? I could have you arrested for this.”

[amber-strain]

"Well judging from your reaction i probably should know who you are should i not? Well I just came here. Sorry it's not like your the queen of Camelot, I know that much." 

[islamicbutterflies]

I don’t get help because I am the helper.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who can relate to this. You’re the friend who helps everyone, gives them advice when they need it, tells them they’re perfect when they feel ugly, and help them with their relationships even though you’ve never been in one yourself. But then the time comes around for you to be sad, for you to need help, and they’re not there to give it. Sure, sometimes you may not tell people you need help when you need it, but when you do tell everyone just ignores the fact and continues on with their lives like you don’t matter. And then the next day they come to you for more help.

I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even care if I get their help or not. I wouldn’t even know what to do if they did offer help, I’ve never been on the other side of the relationship and I would feel out of place if I was. I’ve become better at dealing with my feelings and problems myself rather than telling anyone or even anything.

[mogarisms-blog]

More on this.

At some point, you don’t even want help anymore, even if you need it, because you’re so far gone into your role that you can’t see yourself getting help. You get to a point where you refuse other people’s help because you don’t want to burden them, because you’re the person that’s supposed to be burdened by others. At some point, you become afraid of getting help.

[cheklov]

This is something I struggled with for a long time, and to an extent, still do.

[kalliente]

Welcome to my life.

[please-dontbreakmedown-deactiva]

i started crying while reading this. 

[thelonesomegirl-deactivated2014]

It hurts the most when you realize. They aren’t willing to actually offer you any help at all. Only pile you on which more problems for you to solve. Slowly realizing maybe your not their friend at all..But a simple problem solver.